#wait ?? did u lose weight??! r u SKINNIER???
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Eating disorder warning / emetophobia warning in tags
#okay here’s my problem with coming from a place of mostly self-recovered disordered eating*#*and by this I mean I did NOT have an eating disorder - I had disordered eating likely caused by sensory or categorization issues#BUT I also was like the fat kid at school so my stance was basically ‘it’s good that I already don’t eat because I SHOULDNT eat anyway’#okay so I’m speaking to that experience rn#but my problem with coming from this mental background (ages birth to 15 so still more than half my life)#is that I will catch a stomach bug where I cannot keep anything in my body for 12 hours#and then I don’t want to eat anything for the next few days because I am terrified of being sick#BUT I will then look in the mirror and my brain will be like#wait ?? did u lose weight??! r u SKINNIER???#and (all of this is before I even realize I’m consciously thinking it too) I’ll go like damn maybe I should do this more!#maybe I need to go back to not eating a single thing!#and I don’t know if it’s different if u like learn techniques and stuff from an actual person#but I’m like why does my mind ALWAYS refer back to ‘yay no food never eat again!!’#like it’s so weird and like mildly annoying#I’m like damn we really have no Will to live do we#anyway ya
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