#waiit is this why groupchats never work with me. cuz i can only give my attention to one person at a time

[mihai-florescu]

i’ll give you a basic run down of my understanding of attachment styles. im not a professional i just read an article once fjdksjshs

secure: you understand healthy relationships and crave intimacy a normal amount and its because your parents were attentive to both your physical and emotional needs

anxious: fear of abandonment which tends to come off as “needy” or “clingy”. your parents or caretakers were inconsistent with their attention meaning their love and care could usually be withdrawn at any moment

avoidant (me 😔): you fear any kind of emotional intimacy with anyone. that means you dont want people to know you and you dont have much interest in knowing others either. chronic independence. and its because your parents catered to your physical needs but were dismissive and ignorant of your emotional ones.

and then fearful-avoidant or disorganised: its the least studied so they dont understand it as well. despite the fear of intimacy and closeness with others you still desperately want to be loved and intimately known which creates a paradox. because its not as well researched they dont know the exact causes but they guess neglectful or abusive caretakers and being brought up in an environment in which there are no real displays of what healthy relationships look like and there tend to be a lack of or an extreme amount of boundaries. again, its a lot rarer so they havent studied it as much but yeah

Well now im even more confused. I think disorganised bc both anxious and avoidant Make Sense but like. In phases. Like i'll get obsessed with being close to someone and then smth in my brain will switch and i'll stop texting them or want to see them, then rinse and repeat the motions, with the same person even. Its fine cuz my friends tend to work the same way but i think it comes off as fake or flakey to people who've never experienced this