#vxfemale oc

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Love’s Sacrifice Chapter One: The Summoning VxFemale OC

Author’s Note: You seen me around as a secondary blog, I was trying to do things and my blog accidently got deleted. I’m working on bringing things back don’t worry. For now enjoy. Inspired by @spirit-of-the-void Her story will be linked at the bottom as well as my AO3.

The Summoning

It’s hard to see her like this. This is the fifth time they had to put her on a breathing machine since her lungs were incapable of working properly. This is the seventeenth time she was doing so well, only to cave back under. I lost count of how often I sat by her bedside, trying to focus on a book, but unable to process the words. How I would glance up every time the heart monitor would skip a beat, and I would wonder if once again I’d have to leave her side. I looked over at her, her chest barely rising and falling. There was no semblance of peace anywhere on her face and I know that she’s fighting to see the next sunrise. A small, tiny victory she was so proud of.

I closed the book with a snap and leaned back into the chair. The book was heavy on my lap, reminding me of my research that I was trying to do. Demons. The Occult. I already tried to appease gods and angels since she was practically one herself, but that wasn’t happening any time soon. No, I -she- needed results. Her life was being drained every moment of every day. I already knew I couldn’t bear to see her funeral. I couldn’t watch them place her in a coffin and lowered to the ground. Loneliness could kill someone and it definitely would come after me since I didn’t pay my dues.

I looked back into my lap. There was a specific spell that I could probably do that would help expand her life. I don’t know what the price would be, every demon was different. I knew that I should take time to prepare myself. I could very well be leaving her behind to a world where I was no longer around.

I reached and took her hand into mine. I was disappointed in how cool her touch was to me. I remember when her hands were warm and affectionate. I remember her vibrant with life, and a spark that could set fire to a nearby building. Trouble was in her veins, and I would follow her just so that I could get a taste of what she could see. I was not apathetic, but I certainly didn’t have the empathy for life she had.

She’s an adventure, and she’s not done yet. Though, what adventures have I had that would make me pause and ponder? I already knew that answer. I already knew that she didn’t belong on this bed. Not in this room filled with machines that were endlessly beeping and nurses muttering about how much time she might have left and doctors wondering if there was even a point to keeping her here or to let her die comforted by family and friends.

Her mother would have been torn apart, my family wouldn’t bat an eye at me, considering I didn’t have one to begin with. Though I can imagine her mother already yelling at me for thinking such things. Being her daughter’s friend meant family, so perhaps I should take that back. She would definitely be upset at the way my mind was whirling about, trying to find a way to save Xina.

I eyed the book with skepticism, and with hope. I don’t think there’s a reason to continue my endless tirade. I picked up the book and I looked back at her. It’s hard to see her so pale, so dead. It’s hard to see her without make up that’s usually decorated on her face. I want to tease her for forgetting her eyeliner. I want to make fun of the crazy lipstick colors she found. I want to see her eyes roll at me, and tease me for my black wardrobe and my personality.

These wants made my heart clench. There was nothing to say to someone that couldn’t hear, but just in case she could…I stood up and squeezed her hand. “‘You drew memories in my mind I could never erase’.” I started walking towards the door and paused. “You painted colors in my heart, I could never replace’.”(1) I walked out and headed down the hallway. The further I left her room, the more resolved I became.

I was going to save my best friend’s life. The cost and the price didn’t matter. I couldn’t afford hesitation.

X

Home. They say that’s where the heart is, but my heart wasn’t anywhere in here and you could tell. I turned on the lights of the apartment, and I felt a wave of disappointment, grief, and anger swallow me. The last time I was here, I merely took a shower and headed back, I didn’t want to be where she wasn’t. She was alone, and suffering, and fighting. I know that nothing I could do would help; not there.

The chairs were still knocked over and scattered from when she had stopped breathing during…was it dinner or lunch? She had fallen to the ground and I had dove to make sure that I could cushion her impact. The dirty plates and utensils were still in the kitchen sink, aching to be cleaned again. The couch still had a rumpled bloodied throw that needed to be neither cleaned or tossed since the blood had dried. Her door to her bedroom was closed, but a light was still shining through. My door was open and completely dark.

There was a thin layer of dust coating the coffee table as well as the other furniture. The apartment needed to be vacuumed and cleaned, if we were going to pass inspection. I wondered if the landlord already came by, and already knew that we weren’t here. He was never surprised. I remembered when he pulled me to the side once. The conversation wasn’t exactly crystal clear, but he wasn’t pleased with the idea of having someone that could drop dead at any moment for a tenant.

I do remember making a joke that having a ghost around the apartment would make things more lively. I recall her laughing at it later on. Now I would do whatever I could to take those words back. Anyone’s ghost was better, just not hers.

I walked into my room, the book in my hand still clenched. As I walked by her room, I could smell a faint scent of vanilla and lavender, one of her favorite perfumes. The ache in my chest increased and I reached to touch the doorknob. I hesitated, and then I turned it and pushed the door open.

The fairy lights that were strung up on the wall behind her bed were still on. They were twinkling a soft white light, bathing her room in an orange glow. Her dream board of different places that she wanted to visit was hanging on the wall next to the window where an empty vase was. I mentally noted to collect a flower and put it there for her. Her desk was in disorder, notebooks and papers strewn all over the place, I couldn’t tell what was important and what wasn’t.

Her one game system looked more dusty than the rest of the apartment combined. I wrinkled my nose, how could she let it go like that? I wasn’t by any means a tidy person, but that just bothered me a little. Then I looked to see there were three pictures on either end of the desk. One to the left, in the middle, and on the right. Pictures of us.

A picture of when we graduated high school. Xina wore the dark black lipstick as though she were mocking the colors we had to wear. Her arm was wrapped around my shoulder and I had my own wrapped around her waist. I remember the fight she had with her hair. The wavy curls were a bitch and she had wanted to chop her hair off since she thought that would be better. I remember what we wanted to do afterwards. Xina was going to go to college and work as a library assistant, I was going into literature. Maybe do something with writing since poetry struck my fancy for so long.

The other picture was of a beach, of us and her mom. Her mom had the same colored hair, but she was a little more darker skinned than the rest of us. My lips quirked. We both weren't exactly pleased to be in the sun, the sunburn afterwards made us both agree that we were probably vampires and we shouldn't try to change that fact. shades we wore looked out of character for us all. I wanted to cringe. I should've just tossed those when I had the chance, but it was a fun picture. She looked better in shades and she knew it. She got out in the sun more, we were more homebodies. I admit, it was the first time she wore a bikini that wasn't black. She looked in red, though I'd never say it to her face.

The third picture was of us in the photo booth. It was our first time in one and I wasn’t exactly pleased about being dragged into it. She wanted to, she wanted to know what the hype and interest was about it. She had kissed my cheek and my surprised expression captured what I thought. I could still see the pink in my cheeks. I had told her to get rid of it, I suppose she decided to sneak it somehow someway.

I looked down at the book that I was holding. I flipped through the pages, I looked for the exact ritual that I would need to use. The materials listed weren’t too hard to find. It was just going to take a long time to collect…and I wasn’t sure if time was really on my side for this. I looked back at the desk, at the photos of us.

“To the you who have shown me love and gave me shelter, it’s only right and fair I do the same for you.” I reached and I touched the picture that I despised at the time. I could no longer find it in my heart to be upset that she had taken the photo with her and displayed it openly.

If it made her happy. I let my fingers trace her cheek. If it made her happy then that was all that mattered. I turned on my heel and I walked into my room, which was a lot more darker and colder than hers.

My memories of her were etched in pen and ink. The journal was still laid open on my desk. I didn’t have much in my name. My walls were filled with shelves had plenty of books. My bed was unmade, the blankets still tangled in knots from that morning. I had been sleeping on the couch here instead of in my own room, just in case the phone rang and I needed to answer it quickly.

V-

I turned around quickly. She wasn’t here, and yet I heard her voice clear as day. There was a loud bang and I jumped, realizing that the book had fallen from my grasp. I bent down to pick it up when I saw that it had landed on a page of a demon summoning circle. It was simple, much more so than the one that I had previously found. The picture of the demon was a horrendous drawing, probably in hopes to dissuade people from trying. It looked practically ridiculous to me, though I couldn't shake off the cold I suddenly felt when I looked upon the drawing.

Real demons were going to be a lot scarier, if the summoning circle was legit. There was no harm in trying. If it didn’t work, then it didn’t work, there were other occult books out there that would probably have a better, easier way of making a pact with a demon. I couldn't afford to waste time, Xina couldn't afford me to waste time.

I folded the corner of the page and I closed the book. I didn’t have a bookmark and I didn’t have this book memorized. I could hear her laughing, faking a gasp at the book’s defilement.

She wasn’t dead. I had to remind myself that I could hear her laugh later. That I could tell her about this. I could tease her about the photo in her room. But time felt as though it was ticking down. The wait for midnight wasn’t going to be easy, not in this apartment, and certainly not when the phone stayed eerily silent in the kitchen.

I was just going to have to breathe, read, and hope for the best till then.

~

Midnight came torturously slow. I should be grateful that the phone hadn’t rang once, but my nerves were on edge. I don’t know if it’s because I was away from the hospital and I wasn’t sure about her condition, or if it’s because I was about to do something that would change our lives forever. I would’ve told her. I would’ve told her my idea and plan. She would’ve given me every bit of advice she could find, she would have been more thorough in her search, she would have stopped me.

Perhaps I was waiting for the phone to ring. I was waiting for a reason to not try. The phone stayed silent and I cut my hand with a steak knife. The serrated edges burned my skin and I immediately regretted not using a smooth blade instead. The blood dripped into the black candle that was lit.

“I call out my wish into the dark abyss. Three drops of blood for the demon’s bliss. I welcome you here with my soul to kiss. A sacrifice and a promise, I offer you this.”

The candle flickered and turned into a ruby color. The energy crackled around me, making my hair raise up. My stomach twisted and I felt the room spin in so many directions I wasn’t sure if I was still sitting or if I had gotten up to stand. The demon that appeared before me…I couldn’t even begin to describe it. Every time I tried to look, I felt static go against my eyes and my ears rang. I could imagine an eye, and the color blue. But what color the eye was, and where the blue was from, I couldn't even begin to try to say.

“A human? Summoning me from the Underworld?” The demon clicked his tongue, his words were practically a growl. “You’re not even a witch’s descendent, this shouldn’t have worked.”

I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. The words were slurring together in my mind. Was this a trick to make sure that I'd just agree to anything so that I wouldn't know the consequences or was this the energy that was being sucked out?

“Yet here we are,” The Demon cooed. “What’s your wish?”

“Alexina.” I knew that I had to give her full name. It was the only way that I could be certain that this would bind, that this would work. “Her life hangs. I want to do something to get rid of the disease that racks her body.”

“I am not a God,” The Demon spat, “Hadn’t you tried to pray for that?” Selfless reasons and wishes I supposed would make a demon cower. “No matter. I suppose we could do better than that. Considering who you are…” He trailed off. “There is a price.”

I held my breath.

“She will get her health back, but you will lose yours. You will be filled with my energy. You will exist only as long as she exists.” The Demon said thoughtfully. “You will lose your humanity.”

“Then that’s the price I pay.” I wouldn't even stop to hesitate.

The Demon laughed, a wicked and cruel sound that brought another shiver down my spine. The world continued to spin and I tried to hold myself up. I felt weak. I felt like I couldn’t keep my eyes open. The Demon leered with a fanged smile that was too close for comfort. He was going to eat me, was my fearful thought and my sight started to darken around the edges.

“You're on your own on how to use the energy given to you. I wonder how you will fair." The Demon smirked. "I wonder if you'll call upon me again, to beg this curse removed."

He snapped his fingers and I felt a strong surge of pain rack through my body. I felt as though someone was tearing at my skin, claws ripping at my flesh. I screamed, my nails gripping onto the ground as I tried to steady myself. I didn’t realize that I was on my side until I opened my eyes again. I felt as though someone had slammed me hard with a van. I felt so sick to my stomach, I could easily vomit. My breathing was erratic and I didn’t dare try to sit up. My body was trembling as though I hadn’t eaten in three days.

"I will see you in death."

I blacked out, his laughter echoing in my mind.

(1) Perry Poetry

You can find my fanfiction here: AO3

You can also find Spirit-Of-The-Void’s story here: SpiritChilde

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Love’s Sacrifice Chapter Two: Alexina and Griffon VxFemale OC

Author’s Note: And that’s what she wrote so far. I haven’t gotten to write chapter three yet. But I may just do so in the near future, so stay tuned. This is inspired by @spirit-of-the-void Ebony and Ivory. You should check it out! Links down below like always. 

Chapter Two: Alexina and Griffon

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was how much pain I was in. It felt like white needles were all over my upper torso, like a horrible sunburn at the beach. Even trying to peel myself up from the carpet made me want to scream in agony. My muscles ached, my head pounded, the world was moving too fast and everything looked as though there were two of them rather than just one. I could still smell a faint stench of sulfur on the air, blood and rotting meat. I could smell ash and fire, and I looked towards where I had set the candle out. A pool of wax in a porcelain plate greeted me and I wanted to groan. It was going to be a bitch to clean, but at least it wasn’t on the floor.

I tried to get myself up again, my arms shaking underneath my weight. My body practically screamed, as though I was ripping myself in half just trying to sit up. I remembered once how hard it was for Alexina to get up, and I wondered faintly if this was what I was going to feel for the rest of my life. Better me than you. I took a breath when I finally managed to get myself upright. It had been more of a chore than I wanted to admit. The room still spun uncomfortably and my stomach turned with the feeling. A bad rollercoaster ride, a bad car ride, it was the only way I could describe the constant movement that I was feeling, and how my stomach swished around inside of me as though it too wasn’t contained.

My vision finally stopped blurring and showing me double after a while. My eyes caught something black in the corner of my eye and when I looked I noticed that my arms were covered in a black ink like substance. The designs were just swirls and random little marks, but I could feel something pulsating through them. I couldn’t tell if this was the mark of the demon that claimed me or if something else was involved. I doubted that it was a mark, while demons did lack subtly, I don’t ever recall them marking territory. However, every demon was different, and I couldn’t just assume because of my lack of information. It would be another thing for me to research.

Regardless, the ink was troublesome. I still felt as though I was being stabbed multiple times and when I decided to take my shirt off to see if that would help the pain, I nearly screamed again as the cloth rubbed my body the wrong way. The ink didn’t look fresh, it didn’t look as though I spent hours in a tattoo parlor. Sensory issues, was that my new torment as well? Even rubbing my palm against the carpet brought me pain. I was going to have to find some way to try to keep things from touching me, and covering up was the opposite of a good idea.

I would need something that would stay still. The first thought that appeared in my head my vest coat that I sometimes wore. I could string it up enough so that it’ll persevere some modesty since it had a built in corset. It could be strung tight enough that it wouldn’t move and rub the ink in the wrong fashion. The rest I would just have to deal with, and hope that the pain was minimum. I was grateful that I had the foresight to do the ritual in my room. I could just crawl into my closet and dresser to grab what I needed and change out of my pants and underwear, with the reminder that I would have to laundry in the near future.

Once I got myself dressed, the ache and the dizziness slowly were disappearing. My body was still uncomfortable every twist and turn I made, but I had to power through. I needed to go back to the hospital and see if the demon really did follow through in his promise or if I had fucked myself over and Xina.

“So pretty boy’s awake, eh?”

I felt a tingling sensation in my arm as well as a sudden coolness that relieved the ache. I looked to see a bird over by my dresser. He was a large bodied bird, with blue and black feathers gleaming in the little daylight that could peer through the curtain. His golden eyes were watching me, studying me.

“Looks like you’re still human for now,” the bird cackled, “but what are you going to do when the time runs out, kid?”

‘You give up your humanity.’

I would no longer be human. I might have been on the right track with the demon claiming territory. The ink was probably a way for my energy to transfer to the demon, or to Alexina. Yet for some reason, the ink transformed into a bird. There was still some black ink that was swirling around on my arm, but the majority of it had left with the bird.

“Okay kid, looks like you didn’t read the terms and conditions when you applied for this, so I’ll break it down for ya.” He fluttered suddenly towards my face. I nearly fell backwards in surprise, but caught myself. “You and demon energy seem to be in a bit of a war right now. As in you’re subconsciously trying to turn it into something you can work with. I never met a human that can do that, but since when has life been boring?”

'The spell should have failed.’

My eyes narrowed at the bird, but I had a feeling that he liked to hear himself talk. All I had to do was stay silent, and see what he spelled out for me.

“A little freebie tip from one demon to another,” the bird continued, “If you’re desperate to hold on to what little humanity you have left, you better pick something that you can hold on tight to. And I’m not talking about another human. You people are fucking fickle.”

I suppose that made sense. Something to hold me steady if something goes wrong. To keep me present. I didn’t want to lay down and let the demon take me, he was looking for a fight, aching for one. Who was I to deny him that? I slowly got myself up to my feet and had to close my eyes as the world spun again. I felt my balance shift wrong and I nearly toppled back onto the floor. Fuck.

The bird cackled again, as though my suffering was a point of amusement for him. “Jesus, did I really get stuck with a fucking sissy? Oh christ.” The bird squawked. “This is just fucking unbelievable. What are you going to do? Faint on us every five seconds?”

“Be quiet.” I snapped, my eyes narrowed towards the bird. The bird stilled, and I kept my gaze steady. When he stayed quiet, I finally released my breath. “Who are you?”

“Jeez. Gotta do all the damn work.” The demon bird sighed, “Griffon. Don’t you dare forget it, pretty boy. What do I call you?”

I licked the corner of my lip, “You can call me V.”

“Fucking…do you think you’re all mysterious and all that? Is that why you’re giving me a pseudonym? For someone that���s not a witch, you certainly act like one.” Griffon cackled again, “Whatever suits your fancy, V. Whatever suits your fancy. You made a deal with a demon, not a smart move. What could be so important that you’d toss half of your life away?”

“The modest Rose puts forth a thorn, The humble sheep a threatening horn: While the Lily white shall in love delight, Nor a thorn nor a threat stain her beauty bright." (1) I quoted absently as I walked to find my poetry journal. Xina had it made for my birthday a long time ago. I wrote as many poems that were mine as well as other favorites from other authors. Most of them were William Blake, considering he was what got me into poetry to begin with.

“A regular ol’ Shakespeare then.” Griffon sighed. “Whatever floats your boat, V.”

White-hot pain returned into my arm as he disappeared in black ink. I sharply inhaled and tried to slow my exhale so that the pain wouldn’t make me pass out. I couldn’t reach her like this. I was too drained already and it was just from one familiar coming back to me. I barely stumbled towards my bed before falling flat onto it and nearly screaming when the covers rubbed me wrong.

This better leave soon. This pain…I was so drained from it.

There was a noise that sounded far away. A sharp ringing that made me bolt upright and looked over towards the door. I strained my ears and yes, there it was again. I pushed myself up painfully and ignored how the markings pulled and yanked onto my skin as I hobbled my way through towards the kitchen where the phone hung on the wall. I flipped it off of the receiver and grabbed it midair, my favorite trick that made Xina roll her eyes at me sometimes.

“Vitale.” The nurse’s voice was soothing. “She’s awake and out of ICU.”

It worked. “I’ll be there soon.” I placed the receiver down. How much time had passed since I had passed out? I glanced at the clock. 6:30…it was nearing sunset now.

“Is she the Hathaway to your Shakespeare?”

I was grateful that I didn’t startle easy, but he still gave me a minor heart attack. I barely had to glance over my shoulder to see him partially out of the ink. Apparently the ink for him went through my arm and my shoulder blade. I was curious what the rest of the ink could do, but I had a feeling I didn’t want to test that theory out yet. I was barely strong enough to have Griffon come out when he wanted.

“Something like it.” I decided that it was just best to go with it.

Griffon hummed softly, “Don’t think she knows what you did, does she.”

The unasked question was what was I going to do when I saw her. She was going to comment on the ink, it wasn’t as though it was only seen by people who had powers. No, everyone was going to know that I had gotten myself marked.

“ I told my love, I told my love, I told her all my heart; Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears.” (2) The quote came to me unbidden and it didn’t shock neither one of us.

He seemed satisfied with that answer and disappeared back into the ink. I grinned slightly. I wondered if the bird knew that I was fucking with him. Regardless, we were stuck together for the foreseeable future. While it was best to get along with one another, it didn’t mean that I couldn’t have some fun while doing so. It was a good thing that it was quite a walk from the apartment to the hospital. I had some thinking to do.

~

Hospitals were one of the places I always found unsettling. I knew that it was a place for healing and a place for help, but I also knew it was a place for lost causes. It was a place where people went and sometimes would never return. There were plenty of times I thought Xina would be the same, a new statistic in whatever horrible study they decided to do. Hospital deaths, the disease she would’ve been murdered by, so on and so forth.

As I walked through the hospital, I felt as though there was some sort of static electricity that kept me on guard. I felt the ink move and shift on my arm, as though reacting to the energy that I was feeling. I didn’t think that it was dangerous. Whatever was here was down on their luck. There was a certain room that I walked by where the energy felt tense, ready to snap. Anger and resentment.

“Nero! You’re awake?” I heard a soft girl’s voice say as I paused near the door.

“Well hell! Look at you! Give us all half of a heart-attack and you’re right as rain!” A southern voice answered.

“Fuck off, Nico.”

I didn’t bother to listen into the rest of the conversation. Whoever it was that in the room he didn’t sound up to par.

I felt the relieved feeling on my arm and Griffon’s head was close towards me. “Kid’s a quarter of a demon.”

That explained the energy. “You should go back.” I told him quietly. “Humans frighten easily.”

Griffon seemed to take that answer for what it was, and hid back into my arm, just in time for a nurse to come rounding the corner. I nodded my head politely towards her and she gave me an exhausted smile as she hurried past me to whoever needed her at the time. The woman at the front desk told me the room number, so I had to be getting close.

My heart sped up slightly at the realization that I still hadn’t come up with a proper explanation. The truth was easy, it was convincing her that this was the correct path that was hard. I finally reached her room and walked in. She looked worse for wear, as though death had touched her and then decided to leave her. Her skin still looked unhealthy and thin around her bones. I couldn’t wait to see her healthy again, with more pink and more round like she was.

"I look terrible.” She croaked, peering at me through half-lidded eyes. There was a soft smile playing at her face, chapped lips cracking uncomfortably.

I sat down on the chair that was nearby, my book of poems resting on my lap. “How are you feeling besides looks?”

“Terrible.” She answered, turning her head to follow me. Brown eyes glanced at the book on my lap and then back at me. “William Blake.” The judgement in her voice was loud.

“Nothing wrong with it.”

“You could be reading Robert Frost, William Shakespeare, hell even a new and upcoming poet.”

“And yet.” I held my book up giving her a slight smirk. “Here I am.”

She rolled her eyes, exaggerated and teasing. “So.” I raised an eyebrow, already knowing the next question that was going to come. “You went and got yourself tattooed all the way around huh?”

“Not…” I paused. It was easy to think that the truth could be told, but sitting before her now, I wondered how well she would take that. Honesty was something I valued, something she valued. Yet here I was, hesitating over it. “Not quite.”

Xina let out a slow, long breath. I felt the ink move and shift, as though threatening to come back out. I gingerly placed my hand against my arm, hoping that the message was sent. I didn’t want her to freak out when I hadn’t explained anything to her yet.

“You did something stupid.” She finally concluded, watching me. “V…what did you do?”

Made a deal to keep you safe from harm. Yet the words were clogged in my throat. I gripped the book tight in my grip and I was the one that had to slowly inhale and exhale, hoping that it would help loosen my tongue and my throat. “Self-closed, all repelling; what Demon hath form’d this abominable void. ” (3)

“Oh boy, poetry again.” Griffon appeared and I watched as Xina’s eyes narrowed. I felt my heart thump nervously in my chest. “Pretty boy here-“

“Made a deal with the devil, I know.” Xina’s voice was clipped, cold as ice. Griffon trilled nervously, ruffling his feathers. I wondered if he felt my discomfort, or if he didn’t like the way Xina sounded. She was a force to go up against when she was healthy and this hospital bed wouldn’t restrain her for long.

She forced herself to sit up, her hair falling limply around her face as she propped a pillow behind her. I would reach out to help, but I was no longer certain my touch would be welcome. “Damn it, V.”

“It was the only way-”

“-that is such bullshit-”

“-that I could be assured-“

“-there were other methods-“

“-that you will live.”

Her eyes narrowed at me dangerously. As if to show me that she was feeling better, she dragged the pillow from behind her and tossed it at me. I was grateful that the many needles that were embedding in her skin were keeping her movements limited. Griffon squawked and headed up somewhere high and away from me. I caught the pillow, and tossed it lightly back at her. She dragged it back behind her, but the look on her face promised me that she would’ve done so much more if she had the ability and strength.

“How?” She finally asked, breaking the awkward silence. “How did you…why would you…”

“Your days were counting down, they no longer had any faith.” I remembered the first night in the ICU. With how many times she had stopped breathing and how often she was coming and going through the hospital doors, there had been talks. Discussions of whether or not she should continue to be here or if she should be made comfortable for a death at home.

“So?” She gripped the covers tightly. “I would’ve beaten the odds, just like I always do.”

“Not this time.”

She closed her eyes and bowed her head, hair shielding her face, but I already knew her expression. Helpless and hopeless. “I knew that this would disappoint you.” I said after a moment of silence. “I couldn’t risk not seeing you alive. I wouldn’t take it back.”  I was surprised that Griffon had stayed silent through this exchange. Perhaps he was also wondering what type of reaction he was going to get, or perhaps he knew what kind of situation I was in, and knew that him saying anything at all would only land me in hotter water.

“Of course you wouldn’t.” Exasperated, tired, Xina finally pulled her head up and looked at me. Her eyes wandered, tracing the ink and probably taking in what I was wearing. Normally she would be teasing me right about now for my choice in clothes, but I suppose this would have to do for now. She turned her attention towards Griffon. “Is he trying to watch over you and make sure you keep your end of the deal?”

Griffon cackled. “Looks like girlie thinks you need a babysitter Shakespeare.”

“After the idiotic move that he just did,” Xina deadpanned, “he needs a lot more than just a babysitter.”

“Xina.” I scooted the chair closer towards the bed and managed to grab her hand, forcing her to look at me. “Please.”

Her eyes still were cold, and I watched her shoulders slowly lose their tension. Finally she lowered her head and dragged my hand to her forehead. “You’re a fucking lunatic, V. Absolute fucking lunatic.”

“And you are my sanity.” I replied.

She choked out a laugh and she picked her head up. Tears were slipping down her cheeks and I felt my heart break and shatter at her expression. I never wanted to see her cry, and yet I couldn’t deny those tears were because of me. I squeezed her hand, trying to assure her that I was close by. I wasn’t sure if I could hug her, just because I wasn’t in too much pain now didn’t mean it wouldn’t suddenly spark if I held her close towards me. I didn’t want her to think that she was the cause of any of my pain. I didn’t want her to know how this ink affected me.

“You’ll be able to go home soon.” I assured after a moment of silence. “Nothing that happened to me changes anything.”

“Does it?” It was eerie to hear both Griffon and Xina say the same thing at the same time. It must have startled them since they both looked at each other.

“Hathaway, your boyfriend’s a piece of work.” Griffon ruffled his feathers slightly.

Xina groaned and I hide my smile as I looked between the two. For some reason, it made me happy that they were getting along. Still, I could also foresee a lot of shenanigans from the both of them. “Why that nickname of all things?” She looked at me. “Are you doing that teenage 'quote as many verses as you possibly can to freak people out'?”

It was weird how easily I forgot that. Her reminding me of it made me wonder if that’s the reason why I decided to quote poetry back at Griffon from time to time. I knew I was fucking with him, but I hadn’t remembered it was a classic of mine. It had been a long time ago. I merely smiled and she rolled her eyes, already knowing the answer. She rubbed her eyes, brushing away the tears that I longed to push away for her. She was exhausted, drained. I let her hand go. “Rest.” I told her quietly. “I’ll be here for some time.”

“You should go and get things done around the apartment before they think I died in there or something.” She told me.

“While you lie here and suffer? Grant me today, and tomorrow I’ll leave you.” I bartered instead.

“…Alright.”

(1) The Lily by William Blake

(2) Love's Secret by William Blake

(3) The Book of Urizen by William Blake

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