#vvellichorr

[vvellichorr]

I don't give up.

Until the burning pieces of my devotion are torn from my hands.

And yet, lying there in the dark, I'd still rather watch my devotion burn with my heart.

[vvellichorr]

I've never felt like I deserve anyone.

If I did, wouldn't they stay?

If I did, wouldn't they love me?

If they don't stay

If they won't love me,

Doesn't that mean I'm just not worth the trouble?

“You don’t deserve someone who comes back, you deserve someone who never leaves.”

— Unknown

[vvellichorr]

"I saved you some food" (I'm saying I love you)

"I'm always here for you" (I'm saying I love you)

"We don't have to hangout for me to value you" (I'm saying I love you)

"I love our time when you're sad as much as when you're happy" (I'm saying I love you)

"You're not obligated to spend time with me, I want you to do that willingly" (I'm saying I love you)

"Here's a glass of water cuz you always ask for one when you get here" (I'm saying I love you)

"It will get better and you'll find the 'one', I promise" (I'm saying I love you)

"Remember what you told me about God, and remind yourself of that too" (I'm saying I love you)

"We don't have to go out, I don't mind" (I'm saying I love you)

"You'll get through this" (I'm saying I love you)

"I'll always be just a call away" (I'm saying I love you)

"I love how much we're alike" (I'm saying I love you)

"You make me laugh a lot" (I'm saying I love you)

"Everything is calmer with you" (I'm saying I love you)

"You make the voices go away" (I'm saying I love you)

I love you.

[vvellichorr]

"Isn't it painful?"

"What?"

"To watch the person you want to be with choose others."

"Yeah, it's painful... But I'd rather hide my feelings than risk not being there to pick up theirs if they get hurt."

"Isn't that foolish?"

"Of course it's foolish. But I know their heart bleeds like mine, and its not their fault it doesn't bleed for me like mine does for them."

"So you'll stick around and hope that they someday choose you?"

"Of course I hope they will, but they don't have to choose me for me to love them just the same, and care for them when they need me."

"Why hide how you feel, then?"

"Because it's not their responsibility that I fell for them when I wasn't supposed to."

[vvellichorr]

I'm just as emotional as I was before

And I'm possibly even more sad

The difference is now I hide it from you

Instead of giving you every broken piece of me

[vvellichorr]

And just like that...

He didn't take the voices away anymore

He didn't ease the anxiety any longer

Because holding back how I felt

Felt worse than anything

[vvellichorr]

I wonder if the stars we came from

Were perhaps the same one?

[vvellichorr]

Brown

was never my favourite colour

But with you,

I'll learn to

love it.

So much of you,

So many hues,

How could I

ever

ignore it?

Dark brown hair, shimmers softly

in the morning sun

Soft brown eyes,

faint lines

telling a history

of laughter

Faint

near unnoticable freckles,

but I saw them

when your face was so close

and I looked at

golden tanned skin,

so beautiful touching mine

And your old, worn out

cowboy boots,

weathered with time,

Hundreds of steps, I'm sure

I wonder...

If they'll end up

at my door

or better yet

kicked off in front of it

as you walk

inside

to take this place

and make it yours

[vvellichorr]

He is bright, soft summer wind and warm light.

I am darker, stormy autumn nights and a chill that creeps into your bones.

How can I ever imagine his summer and my autumn would be capable of love?

He is before me, my shining protector.

I am after him, his chaos in the storm.

He will never love my storms and icy rain, and I cannot love a sun that hurts my eyes and burns my skin.

And yet, I would bask in sunlight if only to see him smile.

I would burn and burn just to watch him thrive.

The sun makes his life, and the rain makes mine.

[vvellichorr]

I'll shower you with compliments, every day

And watch your standards raise,

Until you find someone you can really love.

While I sit on the sideline wishing we had more time.

[vvellichorr]

God knows its a different kind of ache to be friends with a person who seems so right for you and not fall for them.

[vvellichorr]

Don't worry,

My abandonment issues knew you would leave,

Before you ever had the idea to.

I've loved fleeting moments for as long as I can remember, nothing ever stays.

[vvellichorr]

My lover, I write so often, do you ever tire of me?

I wish that you don't because you fill my life with poetry

The softness of your touch, so gentle on my side,

As I lie resting on your chest, hearing your heartbeat keeping time.

The gentleness of your arms around me, as you whisper in my ear,

Of love and wishes for the future you know I like to hear.

Your fingers entertwine with mine, as we laugh at inside jokes,

A life we live just for each other, full of joy and hope.

Every night we sleep together, limbs a tangled mess

Trying to be close as possible, as we softly reminisce

The day is done, I'm in your arms, I feel completely home.

[vvellichorr]

I've never been allowed to forget

How needy I am to everyone

How I'm "too much" and "too loud"

I've never been given permission

To take up space

So I shove myself in where I'm not wanted

Hoping someone will love me

But nobody does.

[vvellichorr]

How many years before it all fades away

Will I ever forget?

Is there any way to stop wondering

If you're happier yet?

Was it me or was it us,

Or everything just as it was?

Will my idle thoughts disperse

Or ever stop feeling worse

I know it'll never revert

In truth I don't ever want to

But can I miss how you were before

Can I remember without feeling guilty?

Maybe in ten years I'll forgive myself

For being happy while you hurt me

For adoring you as I failed us

For finding someone new who loves me

For remembering what once was.

[vvellichorr]

You make me love, the love you give

The

Tiniest

Of your loving, your giving, is big.

The way you care

To reassure

The way you love me

Beyond the hurt...

I'm worthy, if you're here to say it

I'm not too much, too loud, too "me"

You burned my worth into my chest

With every beautiful, loving breath

A light within burst outside

Since your heart began to be with mine