#vs wanting so badly for someone else to pick up the emotional and social burden for once | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

majoringinsarcasm · 9 months ago

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Eldest siblings who are the mouthpiece for not just you but your siblings. Who take the brunt when someone doesn’t call, who is lumped into the lectures, who feel equal parts resentment and compassion. Anger and sadness. Hurt from many sides but cannot express that. Those who are so far into the Reliable or Accountable. The y’all when it’s not your fault. The both of you when you do everything right. Who get lectured on the phone for something your sibling Didn’t do. Those for whatever reason are stuck at home and cannot move out. Who don’t have reliable transport and rely on rides either from family or ride share. Who is and the best for siblings and also wish to sometimes be far far away so you can finally feel like you are not part of a collective.

We’re gonna be okay.

#it’s too damn early for this lol #the feeling of if I had just done it then it would’ve gotten done #vs wanting so badly for someone else to pick up the emotional and social burden for once #resentment and compassion #older sibling stuff at least for me #we aren’t close and that’s due to first my depression earlier and now theirs #and I want them to thrive and be happy and safe and secure #but god do I wish sometimes my parents would stop looking to me to be the middleman the one who always calls and asks and confirms and does #I wish I could get away with not speaking or being blunt and short and not having to carry conversations #to always feel like I have to fill in the gaps #I try and I understand and I see ppl close with their siblings and I know it’s my fault but too many times I just want to not #not I wish you were never born but I wish I never was

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