#vs 13 who just. completely rejects the idea that her role needs to be any different bc of her gender

[t-4-twissy]

The Master regenerating into Missy and wearing skirts and doing makeup and using her "feminine wiles" (her words not mine lol) to do evil with her silly little Mary Poppins aesthetic vs the Doctor regenerating into 13 and just. Continuing to wear pants and eat dirt. I love them both so much

[quiltwork]

But to go on a weird tangent; That voices book reminds me a whole lot of internal family systems therapy.. WHICH REMINDS ME OF MY (Old??) PARTS I HAD when I was a kid/teen. That I OFTEN ASSOCIATE WITH KINS BECAUSE THAT IS THE BEST WAY I’VE FOUND TO DESCRIBE/SHOW THEM OFF, OKAY??! Don’t make this weird...

So going off of the book’s categorization of voices and the roles of internal families, I’ve summarized my parts to be:

The Queen Bee, Manager. Full of Pride and Self-Justification. Brandy Harrington from Brandy and Mr. Whiskers. This part covers up “weaknesses” of being autistic, learning disabled, domestic violence, emotional neglect, multiple family member abandonment, and child on child sexual abuse. She represents that 11 year old me who tried so hard to fit in and emulate her abusers. All she wanted was to be affirmed, valued and validated.

Same with the other “Queen” Manager lol. Another part full of Pride. This one specifically I held onto at 13 because I just could not get any real discussion going with my mom on why I questioned my sexuality, and I just felt super invalidated so I rebelled as a form of “self care”. The difference between the Queens is one wants to fit in, the other wants to stand out but still be the Best That Ever Was, hahaha. They cover up all the same so-called weaknesses still (ZIM covers up grooming abuse as well), and really just need to both know they’re valued by Jesus, so they can celebrate their strengths instead of using them as a shield.

And this is the final Queen, the Dream Queen Manager. Sawyer from Cats Don’t Dance. Basically the idealized working class woman who finds success eventually after hustling to the max. My teenage dream come true to finally reaching adulthood after the mess of childhood and coming out on Top Better than The Rest. A sort of weird euphoria fever dream of “I can’t wait for my life to start in college and career!” completely disregarding my mental health. Still needs to know she’s loved by God and it’s okay to be disabled, use her strengths instead for her community.

Foreign Exchange Boy, the Manager. Self doubt, self condemning, second guessing. Steven Universe. 15-16 year old victim wearing the disguise of a boy because she hates her body that much by now and wishes she were the opposite, a strong fat boy. This part literally ran on shame in a way that was running away from sexual traumas instead of facing them and accepting them (like all Managers do, basically). This voice reveals our human limitations. Through biblical self awareness, she can hold herself accountable as a girl without striving for the impossible. She can learn to love her body.

Good Girl Nice Girl and/or Runaway. Mihashi Ren. I see them as a mixture of both Manager and Firefighter. Normally people pleasing at the expense of herself, but ready to run somewhere else if things get out of control. This parts been around for as long as I can remember, since my preteens, actually. This part says it’s good to serve others and share in their happiness. 

Being a good kid and meeting my peers’ expectations of a nice girl who would do anything so they wouldn’t leave, and that she could absorb their identities and self esteem. Jesus taught it was good to serve without expecting anything back. You typically won’t, anyway, with the way this part likes to go about it. When she runs, she can run to God’s rest in prayer like in times’ past. He doesn’t grow weary from work that He should want breaks from us. 

The Revolutionary Manager. Dan from Dan Vs. From 16 to 17 as I was still trans, I was absolutely fed up with the world by this point that I snapped. Not that I haven’t before, many parts beg to differ... This voice Resents, Condemns and Controls Others to try to fix the broken world, so they in turn can fix themselves. Real petty stuff, but funny in a cartoon. The good thing this part means to say is it’s good to look out for your neighbor, esp if they’re on a harmful path. Jesus shows how He challenged others without forcing them to be like Him, but to forgive and trust their lives in the Father’s hands.

The Lovesick Love Interest Manager. Yuno Gasai. I didn’t know there was a character who could so accurately describe a part, and her show came out a year after this part took over, so there were no influences. At 14-15 years old, I developed love addiction for this girl and convinced her to date me so I could stave off suicidal thoughts from my emotional neglect and abandonment. She’d cheat, me being immature thinking she was too cowardly to tell them to leave her alone, I’d fight off boys at every turn.

Exalting myself to prove my worth, people pleasing her to keep her around and have an identity and self worth, and overcorrecting and fighting rivals to keep the relationship safe. All in the game of covering up the sexual abuse, grooming abuse and neglect which lead to this. Eventually when I lost her due to putting up boundaries after saying yes to too many things I didn’t truly agree to, this Manager slowly faded into the Revolutionary. Whoops. Jesus still sees and loves her in her weaknesses, she doesn’t have to earn His love because He stays anyway, and He doesn’t have favorites.

A Manager I don’t have a kin for. Mute was silent in public. Schools and everywhere else, she kept quiet to avoid ridicule and rejection. Exalts Others by fading into the background. Wishes she could make friends, but can’t out of fear. Assumes she’s in good standing and is noticed already for it, but is instead ignored or denied a personality. This voice says it’s good to listen more than quickly speak. God sees me and wants to be my friend. Nothing I do could surprise Him enough to give up on me.

We’re onto the Firefighters. This is Ghost. A couple times during toddler years, once during my preteens, Ghost’s dissociation was a mainstay at 13 onwards. Sometimes floating around causing chaos without realizing it, for me to come to and be horrified at the awkward consequences. Because of outside or inside stress, she zones out somewhere. 

She held back traumatic memories with amnesia, as well. This response is a God given pain medication and sedative, but during inopportune times, we need to dance, stomp our feet, feel textures, notice colors and food tastes to wake up. Or remember something funny or lovely from nostalgia if emotionally numb, too. 

The others I don’t have kins for. I can only describe them. Bingey feels the worlds out of control, so she overeats to calm down. I may not be able to control what the world does, but I am accountable to how much food I take in. I make our meals every 4 hours with snacks in-between. I’ve found I love cooking, and it’s okay to enjoy life’s pleasures in moderation. Daydream jumps on dissociation wagon by hanging out in the bedroom all day to go to another fantasy world. This voice shows us it’s okay to have dreams and be in awe of God’s creation. He has a hopeful future for us that we’ll love and we can worship Him for His work, instead of escaping into illusions and never going outside.

Itch is the unaware self harmer. Skin picking. Whenever stressed, here it comes. This voice reminds me that we need care. Like a toddler crying and tugging on our clothes for help and love. Gently redirect the Itch somewhere else to take care of the child underneath.

There’s Masochist. Self harmer who uses sex. Born out of shame, sexual traumas, family dynamics. Masochist loves to bully “weaknesses” like being too skinny, eating too much, having a female body, being a sexual object, being stupid. Feeds on rape fantasies by themselves or showing up to keep relationships safe when I don’t feel like being intimate with others. But in Jesus, I can love myself for my weight, sex, and disabilities because He does and He made me this way. He shows me I can be sexually pure in marriage with a godly man who loves me for me. If marriage is not destined, I’m still okay with God. 

Finally, Student is the workaholic perfect kid to deflect attention away from obvious dysfunctional family dynamics, so nothing worse happens in foster homes. Born from domestic violence, school torture and seclusion, training and brainwashing beliefs of internalized ableism and masking, and the idea from family to never tell the truth about home life. There’s nothing wrong with working, but we can’t be perfect or hide everything forever. I can work for God and tell Him the truth without fear of tragedy. 

[bloodofrobertsmith]

The Virgin Mary

   I was first inspired to write this biography by an issue of LIFE magazine that was completely about Mary. As I was reading I realized that despite being raised in a Christian household, as well as being surrounded by Serbian Orthodox and Catholic families for most of my young life-- the only thing I truly knew of Mary was that she was the virgin mother of Jesus. It’s important for me to note that although my family was full of devout Christians, I had spent all of my life rejecting it as a non-believer. I still stick to this thought process today. 

  I had learned later in my first semester of college of the symbolism and religious rites that surround her, but I still did not know anything of the Historical life around her. Was she real? What kind of life did she live? And who really was she? I wanted to know the truth vs myth of who Mary was. 

“The young Jewish girl goes to the stone synagogue in Nazareth. She offers devotions in the small women’s section adjacent to the main prayer hall. In chorus with the other congregants, the girl recites Psalms and absorbs their lessons: ‘Abandon yourself to God.’

 One extraordinary day she is visited by an angel who asks if she’ll play a part in the birth of God’s son. She answers yes. Perhaps a little more than 2,000 years ago, she makes her way with her husband Joseph, a carpenter, to a village called Bethlehem. Perhaps Bethlehem; some scholars posit Nazareth as more likely. In a stable, for the inn was filled, Mary and Joseph celebrate the birth of a son. They lay the infant in a feeding stall and name him Yeshua -- in Greek: Jesus. she raises Jesus to be a strong, brave young man. A leader of other men. That is the story of Miriam of Nazareth. And that is all we really know,”

But how did we get to this story? If as stated by Jarslov Peikan, we could copy on an eight by eleven sheet everything there is about Mary in the New Testament. Then why is Mary so popular through the ages? I think Mary is the perfect and most original examples of what happens when an idea evolves and grows from its original source.

Miriam of Nazareth: Miriam was born in a small village in Galilee. Known as Mary to the masses, her real name would have been Miriam or Maryamme-- one of the most common names of the day. As a young Jewish woman living in Palestine, she was a second class citizen. Not knowing how to read or write, she worked alongside her mother since she could walk. Basically, she was a poor woman and modern depictions of her are usually able to recognize that, But, the catholic church had a huge role in presenting us with images of a fair-skinned woman robed in blue silk. When she was a Mediterranean woman of low class who would have most definitely worn a simple wool or linen tunics and a shawl over her head.  

The political environment of Mary’s life was a complicated one with constant Jewish oppression in the form of Roman legions. The end of the dictatorship of Herod the Great had made way for the Romans to storm into Galilee and squash Jewish revolts. Which I think is a perfect breeding ground for Jewish prophecy of a savior to form in. Josephus, a Jewish writer records that many cities were burned and people murdered by the Romans 

Mary and Joseph: So, where does Joseph come into the life of Mary? The popular image of Mary we have come to know is that of a young woman in her early twenties birthing the savior. But, if we think realistically of the time period, she was probably only 12 or 13 years of age when betrothed to Joseph. Who would have been much older than she. However, Mary became pregnant before her marriage to Joseph. Let’s see how the Bible addresses this: 

(NCV) Luke 1:26-38: 

“God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin. She was engaged to marry a man named Joseph from the family of David. Her name was Mary. the angel came to her and said, ‘Greetings The Lord has blessed you and is with you.’ But Mary was very startled by what the angel said and wondered what this greeting might mean. The angel said to her ‘Don’t be afraid Mary; God has shown you his grace. Listen! You will become pregnant and give birth to a son, and you name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of King David, his ancestor. He will rule over the people of Jacob forever, and his kingdom will never end.’ Mary said to the angel, ‘how will this happen since I am a virgin?’ The angel said to Mary, ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will cover you. For this reason the baby will be Holy and will be the Son of God.’ Mary said, ‘ I am the servant of the Lord. Let this happen to me as you say.’ And the angel went away.”

For the millions of Christians, Catholics, and sub-sets of these practices, the Immaculate Conception is proven fact based on the actual fact the Bible records it as such. The apparently divine conceptions of Jesus Christ, is a miracle -- a simple and unquestionable matter of Faith. But the gospels tell us very little about Mary and the pregnancy itself. Nor does it cover the societal reaction of Mary exposing to her village, let alone her husband. When Joseph had found put, he would have most definitely thought of her as unfaithful. We do know that when Joseph found out, he had the idea to divorce her quietly, as not to expose her to shame and death from the village elders. But the Bible does state that an angel appeared to Joseph and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, Because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to name his Jesus, because he will save people from their sins. 

Since most scholars today consider most of the Bible to be legend and mythology, it could be theorized that Mary, a young girl of no younger than 12 but no older than 16 had been raped by a stranger or Joseph himself. I believe it could be Joseph because I don’t know why he would have motivation to cover up another man’s rape child as the birth of the savior. I theorize essentially, that Mary and Joseph had premarital sex and Mary was impregnated. I will not determine that Joseph actually raped her as there was no such thing as statutory rape back then and they were already betrothed. I know that does not exclude it. But, given the context of the time, That is my estimate. No one will ever know what actually happened probably besides Mary herself. 

But was the immaculate conception truly just a couples cover up? Maybe. We probably won't ever really know. I cannot prove or deny what is fundamentally the foundation of 2 major religions and its sub-branches. But, I as someone who believes in nothing, have a hard time thinking that this was simply a Hebrew God formulating the redemption of Man. However, the New Testament, and I suppose history; say that Joseph was a kind man, and did not give away Mary to the Elders or have her stoned for “adultery.” As far as how and exactly when the conception happened, that will continue to remain between Mary and Joseph... Or maybe Mary and herself. Even then, practically impossibly, it could be true that Mary gave birth to the Jewish Messiah. 

Mary the Idea: It’s important to address the immaculate conception and life of Mary as the ultimate catalyst for what she would become. So how did Mary become the exalted Saint and Mother of All ideal to the populace? 

When taking a look at Mary’s fame, it is not terribly difficult to see her evolution as the Virgin Mother of the Messiah to the Virgin Mother of all the Christian World. Though it is important to know that she is more popularly worshiped by catholic sects, Christianity also celebrated her above any other biblical figure, Save God/Jesus himself. 

“Not everyone needs a brother or sister or savior, or accepts that a savior has arrived historically, or will do so one day. But everyone once had a mother.” Basically, even with all the majesty of the universe going on and changing around you, we all need a mother. Even though she is not the only saint to patron mothers, children, motherhood, and orphans-- she is regarded as the Mother of Mothers and Jesus/God is the King of Kings, Having a mother (with special circumstances aside) is the one most universal experiences of life. We all have one and we all want to love them and be loved in return. And Mary is clearly the finest and most ideal example of a mother in all of history. She is the mother of Jesus, How could she herself not be equally perfect?

But as we know, Mary as a mother is not really explored in the Bible. Basically through the centuries, as Christianity spread through European missionaries and expanded as an idea/religion, Mary expanded as well. If Christianity were not so against “false idols” I think she would be a Christian god in her own right. She was also a huge inspiration to poor people as an impoverished second class citizen becoming the “Queen of Heaven.” 

Millions of people today and throughout history have turned to Mary for help, fortune, and love. She is the most named after woman in history and the most prayed to saint in all of Catholicism. Mary was a girl whose choices and circumstances made her into the most famous woman ever. Not all to her own credit as I hardly assume she could have predicted this, The spread of Christianity through colonialism was probably the biggest amplification of her life and story. Allowing her to become Mary, Mother of All. 

[njawaidofficial]

Kanye West Has Long Been Primed For Radicalization

https://styleveryday.com/kanye-west-has-long-been-primed-for-radicalization/

Kanye West Has Long Been Primed For Radicalization

Then president-elect Donald Trump and Kanye West pose for media at Trump Tower in New York City, on Dec. 13, 2016.

Andrew Kelly / Reuters

The past week has been particularly difficult for Kanye West fans. Since reactivating his Twitter account on April 13, the rapper has declared his love for Trump — “You don’t have to agree with Trump but the mob can’t make me not love him” — and showed enthusiasm for a prospective meeting with Trump-supporting billionaire Peter Thiel. Though West had previously taken a meeting with Trump, shortly after the election, this was the first time he appeared to actually endorse the president. People reacted by saying West had finally hit the point of no return, sharing memes of the rapper in the “sunken place,” and laughing at the hypocrisy of West championing free speech and free thought while showing admiration for the man who spent a fortune to shutter Gawker. But if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll realize that West’s current behavior falls in line with what made him appealing in the first place.

Because in addition to his brutal honesty and glowing narcissism, West is someone who thinks of himself as a perpetual underdog and who still seeks validation from various elites.

West has spent the entirety of his career trying to kick the door down on spaces he has been excluded from. On his debut album back in 2004, West waxed poetic about how he was laughed at by his label for wanting to transition from producer to rapper, and made the hit song “Jesus Walks” about how difficult it’d be to get Christian rap on the radio. He often scoffed at the amount of awards he would lose even while being ranked 11th for the most Grammys won of all time.

He considered himself to be an underdog, facing off against naysayers, white supremacists, and stubborn institutions, but he was also an early advocate for certain social justice issues, talking about the effects of the drug trade on young black men, speaking out against anti-gay sentiment in the hip-hop community well before other people of his level of fame, and most infamously decrying the media coverage of black victims of Hurricane Katrina and President George W. Bush’s handling of the catastrophe in 2005. While those views are well within the mainstream today, West’s outspokenness was not cosigned by his peers at the time.

West’s message of individuality, self-worth, and perseverance in lines like “Every motherfucker told me that I couldn’t rhyme / Now I could let these dream killers kill my self-esteem / Or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams” from his 2004 song “Last Call” seemed to really resonate with his young audience, and put West in the position where his voice helped many young fans find theirs. By sharing his own stories he stumbled into being a role model for a generation of teens looking for a way to be their authentic selves.

West is someone who thinks of himself as a perpetual underdog and who still seeks validation from various elites.

West was generally consistent in getting positive feedback for his unsolicited opinions, but a big turning point around West’s public persona was the infamous 2009 MTV Video Music Awards with Taylor Swift. More so than his repudiation of Bush, his interruption of the young country star accepting the award for Best Female Video made West a kind of a martyr for free speech. While it was objectively a rude gesture, in that moment, West vs. Swift became a tableau for the rejection of white mediocrity eclipsing black art, a message most of West’s black fans were happy to see brought to light. Even immediately after, rapper Wale fronting the awards show’s house band said, “You can’t fault a man for speaking his mind.” West was put through the wringer for challenging what art deserves recognition, famously going on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno and shedding a tear when asked what his recently deceased mother would have thought of his behavior. But the gesture won him ardent support from those critical of awards shows, establishing West as a more honest barometer of the music industry, especially given how quick he was to concede awards he won to the artist he felt was more deserving.

West had one notable critic though, in then-president Barack Obama, who called West a jackass in a leaked, behind-the-scenes CNBC interview from 2009. He would later stand by the remark in a 2012 Atlantic profile of the rapper. Though West was somewhat magnanimous in his response — “Obama has way more important stuff to worry about than my public perception,” he told XXL in 2009 — it must surely have grated that he’d been denied a relationship with Obama at every turn, and that embarrassment seemed to set into motion his years-later endorsement of Trump.

After the release of his career-defining album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, West decided to launch his own women’s fashion line, and once again he felt himself unfairly excluded from the upper echelons of the fashion word. He invited every major fashion critic to see it in a packed show at Paris Fashion Week in fall 2011, to disappointing results. The Wall Street Journal wrote, “The only thing more painful than witnessing the dress was watching the model pitch down the runway in shoes so ill-fitting that her spike heels were bending at angles.”

West channeled his anger into Yeezus, his abrasive 2013 album that took specific shots at the fashion industry, religious leaders, corporate America, and white supremacy again. He did a series of interviews that excoriated what he perceived to be the elitism of big fashion corporations like Nike, as well as the limits placed on him as a celebrity. He was allowed to be sponsored by brands, but was not allowed to give them any creative input in return.

West said in a 2015 interview with Zane Lowe that prior to his Adidas deal, “I’m giving examples of work that I did that was really successful and I’m getting just completely shut down. But not just by the company we talked about last time, but every single company, every single company you could imagine is just like, ‘No, you are a celebrity. You are not allowed to create, you’re not allowed to think, you’re not allowed to have an opinion.’” However, after the Adidas deal had already proven itself to be a success, West claimed on Twitter to be $53 million in debt and tried to rally his followers into convincing Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg to invest $1 billion into his ideas. His platitudes of self-worth mutated, now he was a self-professed thought leader, though his thoughts felt even more erratic and inscrutable. He wasn’t just a celebrity anymore, he was akin to Muhammad Ali, Malcolm X, and Nikola Tesla — figures that had little to do with music or fashion.

West had always had an ego, but had demonstrably put himself into a bubble and ceased to empower his fans. And while he was not necessarily wrong to rank himself among the most influential public figures in 2013 — in fact several publications corroborated his statement — in fighting to be perceived as a thought leader he exposed the myopia he developed a decade into fame. He used the fact that he and his wife, Kim Kardashian, had to lobby to be recognized by institutions like Vogue or the Hollywood Walk of Fame as an example of why classicism had replaced racism — as if they were new money still fighting old money for respect. He equated the fashion world not taking him seriously to Michael Jackson not being played on MTV because he was black. West ignored constructive criticism from those who cared and questioned how his plight actually affected others, clamoring for meetings with influential businesspeople and seemingly feeding himself a media diet of what he wanted to hear instead.

Just last week, when West shared pictures of his baffling new Yeezy shoe designs, the fan reactions were less than kind — and it felt like an ominous precursor to what was to come. One Twitter user named @Cripple_God, who uses a wheelchair, quote-tweeted a photo of the electric blue Yeezy slides the rapper debuted and said, “Wouldn’t wear these shits if they could make me walk.” The post was retweeted thousands of times.

Damon Young’s recent piece on VerySmartBrothas about West refusing to read is apt because it indicates that West looks for convenience in the content he consumes. Physically isolating himself in his Hidden Hills home or in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and seemingly separating himself from people who could question his views (though he did just have John Legend over for dinner after Legend himself made news for trying to convince West or others to detach from Trump), allows him to seek out any sort of message in media that serves as a unchallenged validation of his thoughts.

Donald Trump was a win for Kanye West because he now has access to a man who can relate to being ostracized by corporate America and those elites in power that West himself was trying to ingratiate himself to. Like Trump, West has proven to thrive off the credit he has been given, and now two Republican presidents have publicly shared how big an effect he’s had on them, for better or worse. Meanwhile, Trump now has a black face with star power that just so happens to share his desperate need for validation from the most powerful people in the world.

What’s next with West is hard to pin down. His music is often where he is most insightful, but if the song he posted Friday called “Lift Yourself” is any indication, he is not taking public opinion about his recent actions very seriously. A second song released Friday night, “Ye Vs The People,” is a political tête-à-tête with rapper T.I., which ends at an impasse, possibly indicating that he is still under the same delusion he was in 2013, believing he was the one person in the world who could rebrand a Confederate flag or MAGA hat as symbols of black empowerment. For as much controversy as he has caused, while dropping hints about running for president in 2020, he admits to having little knowledge about conservative politics.

His recent retaliations against Obama and Jay-Z seem to indicate that West still cares about other powerful black cultural figures’ opinions, though he could just be raging against the lack of attention they seem to pay to him. By all accounts, the visionary has finally lost his laser-focused vision, and some have even said he’s been “redpilled.” Whatever the case, what is constant is West will continue to look for respect, whether it be from the president of Universal Music or the president of the United States, and as he racks up debt — whether it be emotional or financial or both — those who lose out the most are the generation of fans who have stood by him up until now. ●

[thedoctordoesmarvel416]

this is the best description of the difference between the doctor and missy i've seen in a while.

The Master regenerating into Missy and wearing skirts and doing makeup and using her "feminine wiles" (her words not mine lol) to do evil with her silly little Mary Poppins aesthetic vs the Doctor regenerating into 13 and just. Continuing to wear pants and eat dirt. I love them both so much