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honeybadgercomeback · 2 years ago

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Come Back, Be Here (Part Two) | DR3

His heart was glass and you dropped it, but you dropped yours too. Four months after ending things your new job lands you back in the one place you never wanted to be. The paddock of the Yas Marina Circuit for the final Formula One Grand Prix of the season. Part One

Warnings: angst, like…heavy angst, Christian Horner (being a decent guy), arguments, mentions of McLaren being dicks, a happy ending (I promised didn’t I).

Words: 5.9k

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Living in Nice was strange for you, but it helped. You’d spent plenty of time there when you’d needed out of the Monaco bubble and living there full time made a difference. It was a lot of fun as you wandered around your hometown, visiting museums and galleries. Most evenings you walked home from your new job along the seafront. Sometimes you’d catch a glimpse of a yacht in the Mediterranean and your heart would ache a little bit.

Time hadn’t healed anything. If it had done anything at all, you just felt guiltier. Two weeks after you left him Dan put up an instagram story saying that you’d ended your relationship and you both wanted privacy. When you’d first seen it all you could think was of Lando’s one and how he’d probably helped Dan phrase it, which set off more tears. You reposted it and then logged out of the account altogether. It had been left untouched as you set up a finsta to keep an eye on the people you’d loved. The decision to set it up was probably the worst thing you could have done but you couldn’t help it.

You watched every race, getting up early for Suzuka and your heart in your chest as you saw Carlos crash and the tractor on the track. Hearing Pierre’s radio made you wish you were thousands of miles away so you could wrap him in a hug. Every time you heard someone on radio you felt so guilty but you were the one who left. You weren’t allowed feel guilty about it.

The only person it hurt nearly as much to see as Dan was Kelly. You’d hold your finger on the screen and stare at the pictures of the family, missing P’s hugs and the way she’d started calling you her aunt.

But aside from the heartache it was the right thing. You’d gotten a new job as one of the marketing leads in a VR company, a mix of in the office and at home. You’d made friends with the couple who lived across the hall and every week you’d swap between who hosted for dinner. Your colleagues were fun and you got drinks with them on a Thursday to celebrate the week nearly over. It was easy to fall into a routine and forget how lonely your bed was.

Except every night you’d wake up feeling cold because your human radiator wasn’t there. You kept seeing people in the media call Dan washed up and useless and you wanted to scream that he wasn’t. He was one of the best men you knew and he deserved respect and support rather than the bullshit they were talking about. That if you’d been in any of the meetings with Zak you’d have been hard pressed to not rip him a new one for the lies he’d told about how they’d work with Daniel. You’d have slipped some sly words to members of the press who you knew and trusted.

But you were on the outside of all of it and you didn’t get to say anything about it anymore. You were the ex fiancée. It wasn’t your place.

Your manager had told you that there was a sponsorship organised with a UK based sports team, that you’d be having a meeting with their top executive. So you were sitting in the office on the zoom meeting, talking about plans for their final match of the year. The familiar ding that someone had arrived beeped, and you looked up to see Christian H in the new slot, camera still not on.

“We’re happy to make this public in Abu Dhabi. We’re doing a big announcement about our drivers for next year then too, so we can have this year and next years involved. This stays in the room, obviously, but we’re signing one of our former drivers to come back for next year. Daniel will be more than happy to get involved in any marketing we need.” Your breath caught and you almost missed your cue to speak until Emilie, your manager, nudged you in the arm.

“Perfect. We’ll need to do a briefing to make sure they’re all aware of the branding.” Please let it all be wrong. Please let it be a completely different Christian with the same voice involved in sports in Abu Dhabi. Please.

“Oh they’re aware, Max is a big fan. He bought the bundle as soon as it was released, when we mentioned the sponsorship was happening he offered to send photos of him and his girlfriend playing on it.” The camera finally went on and your prayers weren’t answered. Christian Horner was on the screen in the meeting room, and you could tell immediately that he recognised you. You just kept yourself together and acted like you were jotting down notes.

“If he wasn’t I’d nearly be surprised, Max and video games are like him and winning races this season. I’ll be in touch with a slide deck next week, is the email we sent this meeting invite to the best one to get you on?” You were proud of how professional your voice sounded.

“Of course. It’s good to see you again, will you be in Abu Dhabi?”

“N—“

“Yes, the two of us are going.” Emilie cut into your denial and you just kept your face steady, the photographer smile you’d perfected plastered on it. “The two of us are flying out, we’ll discuss it together and settle on dates. We’ll have a meeting to confirm next week with you, Christian.”

“Sounds good to me. I’ll see you both then.”

It ended and you glared at your manager as the room emptied until it was just the two of you sitting there. Emilie looked at you.

“I can’t be there. If I turn up the media will be all over me. And I can’t work with Daniel. If it was Max and Checo only I could do it, but not Dan. I can’t do it.”

“And if the media are all over you then we get even more visibility for this sponsorship. Plus you know how Formula One works better than anyone else here. You know exactly what we’ll get away with. You need to be there.

“Fuck.” This week couldn’t get worse, and all you wanted to do was go home and drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine. Instead you couldn’t, because you were taking the lead with Red Bull.

It meant meetings every couple of days with Red Bull’s marketing team, Horner sitting in when he could. You’d met all of them in other contexts and the look of surprise was clear on everyone’s face. The last time you’d spoken to any of them apart from a casual wave was at Dan’s leaving party, when Horner had asked if there was any way you could convince your then boyfriend to stay at Red Bull. He wasn’t too impressed when you told him that it was all Dan’s decision. But here you were talking distribution deals, how Daniel and Max would have their own box designs and the development team was working on a new game where you could drive the car in VR. In return your brand was pride of place on their cars and you were giving millions of dollars. Win win situation.

The meeting was wrapping up and you were organising the final logistics about Abu Dhabi when a door opened on Christian’s side and you heard an oh too familiar voice.

“You wanted to see me?” It was Max and you couldn’t stay in the meeting much longer. You didn’t want to see him until you were ready so you could be ready for his anger at your lies.

“I’ll let you go. Email me if you need any more details?” You asked, hoping he’d just end the call and Max wouldn’t have time to recognise your voice.

“I think that should be everything until you get out to us. You’re arriving on the Thursday and we’re doing the big event on Saturday with the car unveiling, correct?”

“That’s right. I’m flying back here on Saturday, and we’ll have a representative there on Sunday to see the race. I think Emilie is staying.”

“You should be there. Have you missed the races?”

“I haven’t missed the media chaos. I’ll see you then.”

“Wait is that—“ You hit the end meeting button before Max could say anything else, sitting back in your chair with your hands over your face. Eight days until you arrived at Yas Marina and had to face your past again, and each time you thought about it you felt nauseous.

The one silver lining was that you didn’t have any meetings with Horner until the Thursday morning at the paddock when you were in Abu Dhabi. You thought you could have a week without talking to anyone from Red Bull, but Tuesday when you were part working from home and part packing you received an email. You should have guessed Max would have done anything to get your contact information.

SUB: DO NOT DELETE

FROM: [email protected]

Hey,

First, don’t blame Christian for this. He left his iPad open when he left the room and I got your email address from his calendar. He refused to give me your details when I asked.

We miss you. I get why you had a clean break but you’re really missed. Kel thought she did something wrong until I told her about the elevator. P still asks if you’re coming to visit. She’s stopped asking Dan about where you are but that took a while. I tried to do what you asked and look after him but he’s still struggling. Checo’s retiring to stay home with the kids now they’re old enough to realise how often he’s gone, so Dan’s taking the seat. Horner made the joke that maybe he’d find the love of his life in Milton Keynes and none of us could mention he already had.

I haven’t warned him you’ll be there. Christian was going to tell us both on Thursday before you arrive in the paddock. If you want me to give him more notice I can.

Look after yourself for us? Everyone asks if we’ve talked to you. They all just wish you’d give your new number to call. If you still have our numbers nobody will get mad. And if you need them again just ask and I’ll send it all over. I miss my second sister.

Max

You started crying in your office as you reread the last paragraph. You missed everyone so much. Ending things had blown up your relationship and your friendships and none of it had been worth it. Yeah, your career was great but you were so, so lonely. Everyone who tried flirting with you to got compared to Dan and they never came out on top. It had been four months and the ache in your chest had barely lessened. Your hand still felt like there was something missing. You missed everything you’d given up. You even missed the jet lag.

It was the biggest mistake of your life, and in a few days you had to see him and pretend you were ok even though the exact opposite was true. Instead of replying to the email you opened WhatsApp on your phone and thumbed open the archived chats. There were so many messages there that you hadn’t read, but you opened the one with Max that had mostly been him sending you cat photos.

I miss you too

It took less than a minute for a response to come through.

It’s so good to hear from you. Kelly’s here, can we call?

He didn’t give you a chance to make the decision, a video call coming through with his name and WhatsApp photo. You wiped your face roughly and answered to see the couple in the tiny frame, heads pinned together

“Oh my god you’re there. You’re actually there. I thought Max had made a mistake when he said he’d heard you in a meeting but you’re here.” You couldn’t stop the tears as Kelly kept speaking, grins between you both.

“I missed you. I’m so sorry for everything, I just…I’m sorry. I’ll be there on Wednesday.”

“We’re seeing you. P is going to be so excited, she’s missed you so much.”

It was the briefest catch up before they had to go for their flight but you got to see them and they weren’t angry. Once you hung up you texted Kelly, the immediate flurry of emojis in response making you grin and miss her all over again. The final thing was a voice note from Penelope telling you she couldn’t wait for a hug. You re-listened to it on your flight to Abu Dhabi, lifting your spirits and making you feel like you could do it.

Max warned you with a text that he’d told Dan you were involved in the sponsorship event and that he was staying with McLaren until after the race. Once it was done he was moving over to the Red Bull hotel. They’d agreed to loan him out for the event only and you wondered what Christian had threatened to be able to get that much from them. You’d be gone by Saturday afternoon so it would be fine. You’d just see them for a few hours, leave, and get back on a plane.

You’d forgotten how easy it was to check into a hotel when a team had organised it, just giving your names and the keycards were released. As you turned to get your suitcase a three year old ran into your legs, wrapping her arms around your hips.

“I missed you!” Your manager looked confusedly as you hoisted P up onto your hip, Kelly running across the lobby to you.

“Missed you too, Princess P. What’s happening?”

“She’s supposed to be going to bed but saw you and ran.” Kelly gave you a one armed hug, the look in her eyes clear that you’d be having an in-depth discussion before the weekend was out.

“Uncle Danny gave me ice cream. He looked sad but when I asked he said it was ‘cause he didn’t have any so he got us all some!” You could tell from Kelly’s face exactly what had made your ex sad, but you shook your head and made yourself smile.

“Ice cream always makes me happy too. Go with your Mama and I’ll see you soon, ok? I have to work this weekend.”

“Will you be in the laranja building?” You shook your head at the Portuguese she dropped in when she was sleepy.

“I won’t be at the race. I’m going home before it happens, I have to work.”

“Oh.” She was gearing up for a tantrum but Kelly got in quickly and pulled her for a cuddle.

“I’ll get her to bed. Breakfast tomorrow?”

“Definitely.”

Emilie knew that you knew Christian. She knew you were familiar with how Formula One worked. But she had no idea of your complete backstory and why you were so against coming this weekend. So over a room service burger that tasted too much like the first time you’d stayed in this hotel with Daniel you did the brief highlights of the last five years of your life.

“So you dated a driver, were engaged, ended things, and he’s one of the guys we’re spending hours with on Saturday before practice?” Emilie asked as you lay back on your bed and groaned.

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

“It explains why Horner’s assistant didn’t ask for your photo.” You propped yourself up on your elbows to look at her. “She said we needed paddock passes for the weekend and we needed photos for security to confirm. I offered to send her yours but she said your pass was still active.”

“Merde.” The French expletive slipped out as you lay back, taking a pillow and screaming into it. Emilie stared until you could get your shit together and sat up.

“I was at every race until the summer break, I only missed a race if I was sick. Daniel and I split up a week before Spa. He’d just come home after signing his contract ending deal and I couldn’t keep things going on my own anymore. I broke his heart but he didn’t cancel my pass…he wanted me to come to a race.”

“That’s why every week you always seemed sad on Fridays.”

“Yeah. Ugh. And he’s still upset and I’m still heartbroken. It’s going to be a mess.”

“We’ll get you through it.”

And you made yourself do it. Arriving on Thursday was harder than you’d expected, keeping your head down to avoid people who you’d known as friends and who you’d spent so much time with. So many of the Alpine team had been there when it was Renault, and Esteban jogged over to give you a hug before realising you were there for work. But the Frenchman couldn’t keep a secret, before long the paddock regulars were abuzz that you were back there without Dan by your side.

An advance team had installed the machines and set up the games, you were there to make sure that the branding was visible and nobody messed up on the social media side of things. Drivers came over to interact with the VR headsets as you stood near the back to get Emilie to deal with them. Sebastian refused, instead coming over to give you a giant hug.

“I should be congratulating you on your final race,” you murmured into his shoulder.

“I didn’t think I’d see you at another one.”

“Work calls.” You separated slightly at that, giving a shrug before indicating to the photographer to leave Hanna and the kids alone and waving to them.

“He misses you.” The words were tender but you shook your head, giving him a final hug before letting go and remembering just how restorative they were.

“It was the right decision. He deserved more than me.”

Before Sebastian could refute what you’d said one of his daughters pulled him away, leaving you to breathe a sigh of relief. The photo of him hugging you went up on the brand account, your still unused public profile tagged on it. But it being public meant more people came up to you. There were conversations you never wanted to have but you were forced into them.

“You’ve some nerve.” The paddock was nearly empty as you turned to see Lewis speak while you were tidying the final things away before leaving for the night. He stood there in a bright outfit, lights from Williams hospitality illuminating him.

“I don’t want to be here. But when my job calls, I answer. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.”

“Should have thought of that before—“

“You’re saying this like it was on a whim. Like I enjoyed it. I broke my own heart in the process and it’s not healing. But he deserves so much more than I can give him, and I deserve someone who can put me higher than tenth on their list. He couldn’t do that anymore. I don’t expect anyone to understand what happened and I don’t expect anyone to be friendly and forgive me. I just want to get through this weekend and leave on Saturday and pretend I was only here four times instead of five. So just…just ignore me or whatever you need to do, ok? I’ll do the same.”

You didn’t know where the words came from, months of hurt and anger coming out at Lewis who you’d barely spoken to before. The packing was finished and you locked the shutter in place, Lewis stepping back to watch you do it. Your arms were full and he tried to take the top box but you turned away.

“I’m a grown adult.”

“And I picked a fight I shouldn’t have touched. Can I help?” You got him to scan your paddock pass to get you out, walking in silence to the hire car Red Bull had organised. Everything was packed away when you finally had the courage to ask the question nobody was really answering. The two of you had barely been acquaintances, definitely not friends, so it was easier to ask him than anyone else.

“I know I have no right to an answer…but how is he?”

Lewis turned to look at you with the softest expression you’d seen on his face in a long time. “He’s fucking miserable. He turned up in Spa alone and we were worried about him, then the press realised you weren’t there and asked Michael if you’d dumped him because he was getting fired. None of us knew anything until Carmen told George you’d left the WhatsApp group and changed your number. Then we realised what had happened. That triple header was tough on him, I’ve never seen him so sad after that Monza DNF.”

You sighed and pulled your hair from your face in the desert night, making yourself listen to everything Lewis had to say.

“He’s doing better now but he’s still not great. I think he asked every one of us if we noticed anything, if he’d done something obvious. He doesn’t believe it’s not his fault even though he said it. Seb nearly punched him when he realised that he’d missed your anniversary. We were out in Singapore after the race there, that’s when it hit him. But the last couple of weeks he’s doing ok. He’s had some almost smiles.”

“Thanks for looking after him for me.”

“I always will, you know that. I’ll see you tomorrow and you can get some photos of me looking stupid.”

That night you were supposed to have dinner with Max and Kelly in the hotel restaurant but you texted an apology, instead going straight to your room and sobbing your heart out into the spare pillow as you mourned for the pain you’d caused.

Friday morning came too early. The last thing you wanted to do was get up and face the world but you still had a job to do. A cold shower helped the puffiness on your face, your makeup was impeccable even with the heat. The tricks you’d learned from being constantly photographed meant that you could get ready quickly and as soon as you closed your hotel room door you were on and ready for the day that you knew would have hugs and probably involve looking at people who hated you. But you and Emilie arrived together to open up.

Charlotte and Isa were the first two there, arriving as you powered on the devices calling your name. You were wrapped in a hug as Emilie looked on, the Ferrari men standing a few meters away and nodding to you when you separated from their girlfriends. You set them up playing tennis between them, laughing at the scenes in front of you. It didn’t take long for you to put your press face on, getting into a rhythm of greeting the people you knew by name and smiling at everyone else. But then he arrived and the fragile bandages on your heart split open.

“Can I play?” He was skinnier than when you’d last seen him, corded muscles too visible on his arms, face almost gaunt. His smile was there but it wasn’t a real one. You ached knowing this was your fault.

“Of course. Put this headset on and you’ll be in the game. The controllers act as your hands. Have fun.” You passed over each device one at a time as he was ready to go, keeping your skin away from his. You didn’t get to touch him. The VR had a number of games but at the last minute you changed it to a pattern bashing one that had always reminded you of his reaction games. It didn’t take long for Dan to get into a rhythm, barely missing a beat.

You couldn’t help but smile at how he moved, remembering the way he used to dance around the living room before pulling you up to dance with him. But then it was over and you schooled your face back to neutrality to see him and put the equipment back.

“And your score is…” It took a moment for the numbers to appear, but you couldn’t help but laugh. “33,333. Turns out it’s a lucky number after all. Congratulations, Daniel.” His full name felt wrong on your tongue but you;d lost the right to use a nickname for him.

“Thanks, B—“ He cut himself off and you nodded.

“See you tomorrow?”

“Sure.” As he walked away you saw Michael and Blake stand outside the unit waiting for him. You wanted to apologise for hurting their best friend, but it was clear from their faces they’d never want to talk to you again. You didn’t blame them.

The rest of the day went in a crawl for you and all you wanted to do was scream. He’d been right there in front of you but you couldn’t touch him. The tears were piling up at the back of your head waiting for a moment for you to let your guard down but you couldn’t. You weren’t allowed to cry until you were back in the hotel. The only saving grace was that Emilie was on closing up duties so you got to leave once FP2 was over. The screen in your unit had the stream up and you watched the practice go, staring at the people you’d been so close to before driving in circles. You slipped back to the hotel in the crowds that were leaving to hide away, deciding to get room service when you finished this bout of crying.

When would it stop? When would you finally be over him? If not over him at least when would it stop hurting like that August night? You were going to see him a couple of times a year at a minimum from now on, and if each moment hurt like this you wouldn’t survive it. You didn’t want it to be this painful. If you could go back in time to the woman who was so sure it was the right call you’d scream at her to change her mind. But you couldn’t. And he deserved the chance to be happy.

Knocks on your hotel room door disturbed the pity party, so you wiped your eyes to make yourself a little more presentable. Once the mascara streaks could be confused with artfully smudged eyeliner you stood straight and opened the door as the knocking continued.

“Emilie, I’m fine. I just need to get through tom…Daniel.” He was standing right in front of you. He looked as through the wringer as you felt, staring right at you and not looking away. There was less than a meter between the two of you and it was too much space and not enough at the same time. “How did you get my room number?”

“Penelope. She asked why I was sad earlier and I said I missed you, so she asked Max what your room number was. She’s crafty for barely more than a toddler.” You let out a wet laugh, trying to cover that you’d just been sobbing over him.

“I was supposed to go for dinner with them last night. Decided on a night alone in my room instead.”

“I was also supposed to be at dinner with them, but tonight. Which is my excuse for being here but I needed to come up here instead. I need to ask you one question, ok?”

You wanted to say no. You wanted to tell him to leave and go back to crying. You wanted to close the door and to forget that he’d appeared there, try to forget the five years you’d spent together. But you owed him this at the very least. After everything that had happened between you, you owed Daniel the truth. No matter how it hurt you.

“You deserve answers.”

He stopped at your confirmation, licked his lower lip and looked you straight in the eyes with his molten brown ones. It was like he was searching your soul for something you weren’t quite sure of, but whatever he saw gave him the strength to continue.

“Do you still love me?”

It wasn’t what you’d expected him to ask. Wasn’t what you’d imagined him asking in your wildest dreams. But he was there at your hotel door and you could never lie to Daniel Ricciardo as long as you lived.

“I don’t know how to stop loving you. And that’s what hurts so much about all of this.”

The words were barely out of your mouth when he closed the gap between you, broad hands on your waist as he pulled you close and kissed you soundly. It took a moment for you to realise what was even happening but you kissed him back, hands running through the hair you’d missed so much. He was there and you were in his arms and if this was the last kiss the two of you ever shared you were memorising all of it.

A ding from the elevator bell reminded you that you were semi in public, separating and breathing heavily. His hands were still on you, yours around his neck as a small smile - a real one - appeared on his lips.

“Can I?” You nodded back to him before bringing him into the room and settling on the small sofa with him. His arm went around your shoulders to pull you close, holding onto him for dear life. It didn’t feel like reality to you.

“I’m sorry. For not realising how much I was taking from you. For missing our anniversary. All of it. You…you deserved so much more than I gave you for our entire relationship. I’m just so sorry I didn’t realise what I was doing in time to save us.”

“Do you still love me?”

It was clear he hadn’t expected you to ask the question he’d asked as his body froze before looking at you. But you held his gaze the exact same way he’d held yours as you waited for your answer.

“You’re the love of my fucking life.”

It was a practiced move the way you leaned over and threw one thigh over his, pulling him into a bruising kiss as you were spread over his lap. Your forehead leaned against his, hands cupping his jaw as he held you tight against him.

“I was wrong to end things. And we have so much to talk about and work through, and please understand couples therapy is about to be compulsory. But I love you and you love me and if we still feel this way after four months then we’re worth saving.”

You watched the widest grin you’d seen on him in years spread across his face, a hand reaching up to run his thumb over your cheekbones before Dan brought you into a lingering kiss.

He cancelled dinner, citing that he was nervous about tomorrow in the text to Max. Instead he helped you pack a bag with a work outfit before the two of you snuck away from the hotel to get back to his. Michael and Blake were sitting in the lobby, the two men looking stern as you arrived with Dan beside you.

“What’s she doing here?” Michael asked. You wanted to shrink away but held your head up, Dan’s hand on yours.

“We’re trying again.” Three words that made you want to sing.

“But you…” he trailed off and you took the opening it provided.

“We were both a mess, and I know ending things was my decision. But we love each other and we’re trying to make it work.” You took a deep breath before saying the next words. “I owe both of you the biggest thanks for looking after him while I wasn’t there. I made the biggest mistake of my life walking away, and I can’t thank you enough for keeping him going.”

The words softened them and you got nods, knowing that when Dan was in a car you’d get a lecture. But it’d be worth it.

“See you tomorrow. The two of you going to the paddock together?” Blake asked as Dan nodded.

“Yeah, we’ll be going early so she can open up. See you both there.”

It was quick to Dan’s room, the elevator door opening to Lando on his phone. You could have laughed at the way his jaw dropped seeing the two of you there, but Dan did it first.

“Hey, Mate.”

“But you’re…what? I was avoiding the VR all day cause I thought you wouldn’t want us hanging out? When did this?”

“Today. And come over tomorrow, I’ll give you a longer go. But you’ll have some tough competition to beat, I’m just saying.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll keep this quiet till tomorrow for you too.”

You spent that night talking, having the hard conversations neither of you really wanted to have. How you both needed to compromise, the races you would and wouldn’t attend. How he’d support you and do what he could to make life easier for you with the media and stop ignoring the crap that was said about you. And you promised to tell him when you were worried about something. But it was worth it to have Dan pull that familiar box out of his suitcase and open it.

“I couldn’t leave this behind. Don’t ask me why, but it’s come everywhere with me. Will you please, please marry me?”

“Of course I will.”

Getting ready the next morning was terrifying. It wasn’t just the publicity, but his family were about to arrive and you hadn’t seen them since the break up and now you were back together. As you began to overthink Dan realised, handing you one of his new merch shirts to wear to the paddock. You put your work one underneath, but this was your way to prove exactly what was happening. It was the two of you and nothing else would matter.

Michael was outside the hotel room door when you were walking out, and the man was surprised when you hugged him. He hugged you back after a moment and you looked up to him.

“Thank you. I’m sorry for all of it, and Dan and I have talked about it. But thank you for being there for him when I couldn’t be.”

“Please don’t do it again?”

“Never.” He caught sight of your ring and smiled, hugging Dan and clapping his back. The three of you got into the car and made it to the circuit, your phone beeping with texts from Emilie asking where you were. You promised you’d be there in a minute and got an eye rolling emoji in return.

“Are you ready, Babe?” Dan asked as he put it into park and you nodded while gathering up your bag.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

The photographers were taking shots of both of you entering, hands firmly clasped together until you had to separate to swipe in. A hair tie was keeping the oversized shirt from turning into a dress, and it was very obvious you were together. He didn’t stop until he was just outside your unit, leaning in for a final kiss before letting you go.

“See you in an hour for the unveiling?” He asked and you grinned.

“I’ll see you then. Good luck.”

“I don’t need it, I’ve got you back.”

Tags: @vroomvroommbtch @a-distantdreamer @sidcrosbyspuck @soleilgrec @clintsupremacy @hiphopdancer101universe @sheslikeacurse @footballbroadcast @ricsaigaslec

#daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo fanfic #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo one shot #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo x y/n

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engineer-gunzelpunk · 1 year ago

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Locomotive Rights in Australia (Victoria): Part 1

(One of the patron saints of the Locomotive Rights movement in Victoria, VR S-Class Pacific S300 Matthew Flinders, who was scrapped before he could be saved. The scrapping of the S-classes spurred the IRL steam preservation movement in Victoria)

Here I am, riffing off @joezworld's posts about Locomotive Rights as they developed around the world. Here is my personal take on what happened in Australia in regards to this issue.

(Disclaimer: Needless to say this is all fictionalised and not to be taken as a comment on any historical personage or real life locomotive. No slander is intended, this is a headcanon extrapolating Locomotive Rights in the GunzelVerse, and the TTTE/RWS AUs I write about in them, "This Is Sodor: The Iron Age" and "Red And Black Steam on Southern Metals".)

(I use the term “Lokodammerung”, literally meaning “Twilight of the Locomotives” in regards to the mass scrapping of locomotives. The Great Scrapping seems too cold, while “Dammerung” has a sad and apocalyptic timbre, which I what I wish to convey.)

If I don’t cover WAGR(Western Australia), SAR (South Australia) or QR (Queensland) , its because they are not my special interest in locomotives and I don’t know all that much about them. My apologies for the exclusion and I will try to rectify it in the future with time and research.

The situation of the railway and locomotive rights in Australia is a very strange and complex one, coded in State’s rights, custom and ideology more than anything systematic. It would be best dealt with State by State.

In spite of the celebrity of NSWGR C-38 Pacific 3801, it didn’t translate into a proper acknowledgement of non-faceless vehicles as people in of themselves until the 60’s. And even then, it was not an even process. The push actually began in the States of Victoria and New South Wales separately and converged later.

Prehistory

Upon Federation, every single State had their own specific gauge, an expression of the fervent desire for independence of the colonies before they were brought together as one nation when Australia was made into a Federation in 1901. Attempts to bring the country to a single gauge failed as each state battled with open hostility to the idea.

In the specific case of the colony of Victoria, the Broad Gauge (known widely as the “Irish’ Gague at 5’3’’) had been decided upon but as BG rolling stock and locomotives were purchased, a change of leadership brought a change of decision as to what sort of railway gauges would be used. NSW decided upon Standard Gauge of 4 ft 8 ½ inches like what was used in Britain. Victoria in a fit of pique having already paid for their goods, refused to reconsider a change of gauge.

(The Victorian terrain also suited the BG quite well, the long, broad and steep inclines requiring a more stable kind of gauge provided by the BG).

Oz is also an enormous place compared to the UK. The State of Victoria alone is the size of Great Britain and around 2700 times the size of the Island of Sodor; the states themselves cover a lot of territory compared with states in the USA. Each is its own country virtually, which makes it difficult to organise, and with the difficulties in the per-internet age toward reliable communication between engines of different states (the old break-of-gauge problem!) , it was remarkable that a resistance movement got started… and started it did.

I will now speak mainly of the State of Victoria and it’s locomotives, as this is my tendency. Without rail, Victoria could have never have been the State power that it was.

***

It was said that by the late 19th century, a Victorian human was never more than 25 kilometers from a railway line, and this was thanks to lobbying by politicans promising lines to voters… and the locomotives that requested them. As the state and the railway companies were flush with Gold Rush money, they had plenty of cash to spend to do so. The famous “Octopus Act” allowed a virtual spiderweb of iron to embrace the State, creating a near total domination of goods and passenger traffic.

Thus the locomotive was able to range quite freely within Victoria wherever they pleased, and combined with strongly built depots the sizes of which eclipsed the fleets of the NWR (the North Melbourne Locomotive Depot alone shedded 120 locomotives, compared the the total number of locos at the NWR, which was around 80 at the same time before the Norf depot was demolished) developed a certain state of educated consciousness that meshed quite nicely with the tendency towards radicalism and trade unionism.

This was aided by the amalgamation of private lines post the Railway Mania era into the governments aegis, so branchlines remained open and ready until the local version of Beeching later on turned a lot of them into tramways.

Encased within their little Broad Gauge bubble imposed by the patriotic fervor of the colonies pre-Federation, locomotives could not be as easily replaced by out-of-state loaners. The early days tended towards foreign imports that were then used as templates to be built locally… and built locally they were as a matter of state pride. A lot of VR locomotives were built at Newport Works and at Phoenix Foundary, Ballarat.

The standardization plan brought forth under the reign of Chairman of Commissioners Richard Speight in the 1880's introduced five new classes of locos (A, D, E, the so called New R-class later renamed RY, and Y) that were built locally with the aid of Kitson and Co. of Leeds, England involved in the design phase, with the view that parts could be used interchangeably across classes.

This contributed to create a certain kind of mentality within the VR locomotives of a sense of separateness and self-sufficiency which cleaved with the ever present state rivalry with their Northern neighbor, New South Wales. The overall treatment of locomotives was one of a certain kind of affection, they were tools to be sure, but more than that. It was somewhat better than the British tendency to treat the locomotives as nothing more than iron pack mules, but this was not coded into law. Status of the locomotives was by custom rather than law, which was to have consequences later on.

For a time, things were very, very good for locomotives within Victoria. An American-railways inspired Railway Commissioner , Sir Harold Clapp (the Oz equivalent to a Director, as the VR was run by a board of Commissioners spoken for by a Chairman of Commissioners), the First Thin Commissioner, had been Vice President of the Southern Pacific railways in the US and brought heavy reforms to a VR seemingly stuck in the 19th century; amongst his ideas were the integration of American design principles to VR locomotives and rolling stock, creating a distinctly rugged look to the locos with their bar-frames and pilots as well as a general increase in size, to better fit the uneven terrain of Victoria with its regular inclines of 1-50, 1-44 and even 1-30.

The amiable K-class Consolidations and the sturdy, hard working Xs and N Mikado classes were introduced in this period.

This reached the peak of design with the creation of the mighty 3 cylinder S-class Pacifics of the "Spirit of Progress" fame and then Heavy Harry at Newport, who was meant to be the first of three other H-classes built for express passenger work across Victoria. The American inspiration can be seen in his rugged bar plate frame imported from the US, the specific use of the Delaware, Lackawanna & Western Railway's name for the 4-8-4 wheel configuration, "Pocono" for him and his very strong resemblance in appearance to fellow 4-8-4s the NYC Niagara and Union Pacific 844 Living Legend. (The other two H-classes were partially built, then scrapped during the war. So Harry had two stillborn brothers, a point of lingering grief for the big engine.)

(For more info on the Delaware, Lackawanna & Western 4-8-4 "Poconos"", see here)

Classes tended to be modified rather than outright replaced, like the A and D classes (each went through at least 2-3 waves of modifications and were marked with special names designating them as such, such as A1 , A2 and Dd ) as a cost-saving measure and often lasted a long time relative to their cousins in Britain, such as the 1915 built A2 -class 4-6-0 No 986 “Pluto”, who was only withdrawn in 1963, even though the R-class Hudsons were sent from Glasgow to replace them in 1951. In their naivety, they never thought the humans could ever turn against them.

Unfortunately, Victoria with a change of Commissioners was to echo Great Britain in the bizarre way that steam was phased out and reforms brought in. Wartime Austerity and the increasing costs of running the railways were used as excuses for local "mad choppery".

Country lines deemed unprofitable were cut, maintenance was reduced and fewer and fewer services were run, which tended to alienate people from the railways.

The VR also had some people within it that like their UK equivalents, had a deep suspicion of socialism and thus sought to break the back of the trade union of drivers and firemen by literally taking away their locomotives, and replacing them with easy to drive diesels and electrics with easy to train drivers, with the excuse that they were cheaper to run, cleaner and just overall better.

(The railwaymen’s strike in 1950 was supported wholeheartedly by the locomotives of the VR, who’s maintenance had been sorely neglected in the post war austerities; the strong presence of the unions and their relationship with the bitter, fallen prince of the fleet-turned-radical Heavy Harry and the fact that an entire depot was claimed by the Communist Party at the country town of Donald gave them more impetus to phase out steam power).

Others genuinely did believe that the time of steam was passing and the future needed to be embraced. They didn’t hate the locomotives personally, it was just that they were deemed obsolete. The steam locomotives were relics, and relics didn’t deserve a place at the main table in a rapidly changing world.

So they had to go.

With no real legal protections that other locomotives had in other countries like the USA, Europe and the Soviet Union, the Victorian locomotives were vulnerable to the encroaching end. Custom and public affection by itself cannot protect against sanctioned injustice.

14th of July 1952 was the beginning of the end for steam in Victoria. The first diesels, the pug-nosed B-class had arrived in Victoria, were built by Clyde Engineering in NSW (ironically, the same home Works that birthed the mighty NSWGR C-38 Pacifics) from an American design. The complacent VR locomotives were caught by surprise by the lean and hungry diesels who were now bedecked in the same blue and gold livery as the S-class Pacifics, who’s time was running out quickly.

The Lokodammerung had reached the Broad-Gauge southern fiefdom and showed no mercy.

The fact that this left a lot of people unemployed, destroyed a lot of side industries that made up the railway (workshops, suppliers, etc) and the costs of conversion left them unmoved. If they didn’t care about humans, they sure as hell weren’t going to care about locomotives, even if they talked and thought as humans.

As if to underline the point with extreme sadism, the mighty S-class locomotives were withdrawn and scrapped with not a hint of ceremony or acknowledgement of their hard work. That the diesels were painted in their old livery served to underline the viciousness of the insult to the VR steam locomotives.

It was an ideological point clearly made even to the humans. The enginemen seemed to read it correctly and the locomotives felt it deeply, shocked that their lieges were to be the ones sacrificed as an example to the hungry god of Modernisation.

(The R-Class was often blamed in railway enthusiast circles for giving the VR an excuse to introduce diesels, but this is backwards logic placing blame on a convenient foreign imported scapegoat. They were ordered and then the decision to bring in diesels was made and excuses were built around their seeming lack of performance when they were abused and poorly treated.

As locomotives, they did not get the chance to show their virtues… as they were deliberately worked into ruin on grain haulage jobs they were never suited for by the VR, so by the time the preservation movement got their act together, only two of their number were actually in operating condition and only 7 of 70 were saved. That the R-class clan thrived in restoration clearly indicates they have had the last laugh, they outlasted the VR!)

To Be Continued...

#ttte #rws #thomasallgrownup #victorian railways #GunzelVerse #GunzelVerse Headcanons #weird train rants #ttte extended universe headcanons #ttte alternate universe headcanons #Red And Black Steam On Southern Metals #This Is Sodor: The Iron Age #ttte headcanons #ttte headcanon #thomas the tank engine #ttte au

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whothehellisharry · 2 months ago

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#VR app development company

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believing-the-strangest-things · 2 months ago

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#VR agency

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comingfromacynic · 2 months ago

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#VR development company #AR development company

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heathermarielocke · 3 months ago

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ecargmura · 4 months ago

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Hello!

I really love your anime reviews. Just wanted to know if you have any wholesome/good plot bl/queer anime recommendation list. Pls pls pls do a rec list if you don't have any

Hi!

Thanks for liking them so much! Your words seriously made my day.

To be honest, I'm really terrible with recommendations, but I'll do my best.

While I do like BL, there aren't that much that are "wholesome" but if you're into fujo-bait/queer-coded anime, then I can give some recommendations (No particular order).

Hybrid Child (A BL series of OVAs made from the creator of Junjou Romantic and Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi that revolve around dolls called Hybrid Childs).

Stranger by the Shore (A BL movie that tackles queer identity and a shocking twist on seme and uke).

Hakkenden: Eight Dogs of the East (Not BL, but seriously BL-coded; created by the author of Super Lovers; it's a supernatural fantasy story with an interesting premise and a good cast--though, there are some questionable things in the story)

Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi (A BL anime about shoujo manga editors. This is my absolute favorite BL anime of all time, but it does get questionable).

Sasaki and Miyano (Probably the most wholesome BL about two boys falling in love over a shared interest in BL manga)

Whisper Me A Love Song (Got into yuri/GL lately, and this is the first one I watched. It's wholesome, but the anime can be a little funky).

Given (BL, has good plot. I wouldn't call it wholesome as a whole, but the relationship between Uenoyama and Mafuyu is really wholesome).

Buddy Daddies (Not a BL, but it does revolve around two male adults accidentally raising a four year old girl together and learning what it means to be a family).

Cherry Magic (Another wholesome BL that revolves around the uke receiving the power to read minds and learning that the hottest guy in his company has a crush on him).

Tadaima, Okaeri (The first omegaverse anime and the most wholesome. If you're into ABO, there's honestly not that much aside from heat and second-gender discrimination, but the main couple is already together and they're seriously a great couple and their son is a toddler but he's his own character too).

My New Boss is Goofy (Not a BL, but does feel queer-coded. It's just a cute office comedy about the MC and his extremely airheaded boss).

Opus Colors (Not a BL, but has a predominantly male cast. It's about VR art. It's pretty wholesome as it does containing a lot of singing and such)

#anime recommendations #bl anime #anime

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aardmananimations · 2 years ago

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