#votion rant

[deadvotion]

ive been so bad at drinking water lately. and i hate it.

[deadvotion]

NOOOO I HAD MY CALORIE INTAKE EASY ON 1200 FROM WHEN U COULD CHANGE IT WHEN THE APP WAS MORE FREE THAN NOW.. AND I FUCKED SUMN UP AND NOW ITS AT 1800 SUMN AND I HATE IT

[deadvotion]

another morning shift.

ate a bad breakfast (unhealthy spread on bread)

and i couldnt finish it all, even then, i KNOW i’ll be hungry later.. i had a good day tmrw with my eating. and i dont want to fuck that up.

i also gained back the kilo. i know theres a lot causing that that isnt just fat, but that doesn’t enter my brain at all. its just me and that number on the scale.

i just want to be skinny

[deadvotion]

*listens to a 45min long guided meditation weight control*

5 min later/ ”yo i’m kinda hungry..”

[deadvotion]

if only i was skinnier.

so i could feel pretty.

so i could look pretty.

so i could be pretty.

[deadvotion]

ended my fast after 21 hours yesterday. weighed myself after coming home which wasn’t ideal bc i had gained obvi. BUT!!! i lost it all. almost a kilo from yesterday night. back at 81(.6) so now we going on another one. eating now again. luckily i slept longer and could keep fasting. hopefully i can keep restricting!!

[deadvotion]

my tummy is hungry but its one of the times where i can resist more easily..

[deadvotion]

my weight has been everywhere but okay. i’m at 82.0kg. if i fast today i can definitely drop. just do a 24 h fast. (hopefully it’ll be more bc i ate closer to 2am last time and i need sleep tonight)

[deadvotion]

btw i’m not here often but i keep up with logging my calories. though it’s been hard lately and i haven’t lost anything. need to go back into eating even less.

but i can go far with not craving stuff and it’s easy not to eat.

[deadvotion]

YO THE FAST!!! I LOST 0.5KG!!!! i’m eating today but i think on most work days it’ll be easier to not eat AAAAAAAH

current weight: 81.5kg

i am close to under 80 now. bro i am so fucking close. then just another 15 to lose

[deadvotion]

13 hours in on my fast!! tummy rumbling but i’m doing fine!!

gonna be so tired later tho. i have work..

[deadvotion]

so.. maybe just a piece of chicken for dinner

[deadvotion]

i need to gain better control ive been slacking even if its low calories

[deadvotion]

i have no food that interests me rn. so i guess thats good but it’s annoying to not have something so u cant have it than have it but restricting to be in control

[deadvotion]

i’m trying not to eat rn. i feel tired, weirdly lightheaded and hungry even though i ate at 4pm. its almost 10 rn and i’d usually be fine by now??

i couldnt finish my breakfast. but that also shouldnt affect this rn.. why am i not fine ?

[deadvotion]

my toxic trait is thinking i’m under 80kg when i’m not.