#virus gets in your brain and tells you ta kill yourself

[spaciebabie]

i heard the grimace shake was actually made of blended afton. WAKE UP SHEEPLE

its why ppl die immediately after. something something something slicing their faces off with a paper cutter machine

[margsld]

Outlander Epi 3.10 Recap

Heaven and Earth.  What I’d move to have a day on set with Caitriona Balfe.

Luke Shelhaas is the writer credited to this episode and IMDb tells me he produced on shows such as Smallvile, The Good Wife and Law and Order too. An interesting mix.  I like the arc of this episode surrounding Claire and Elias Pound. Pour yourself a brandy & grab your tissues. A big box.  No, not the cheap ones.

Thickly in the honeymoon-stage, Fergus not phased with the fact there are no shops on board the Artemis, coaxes the ship’s cook Mr Murphy to give him some Potpourri ingredients.  He wants it to eradicate the Au de Bilge that is assaulting his love’s olfactory senses below deck.  I don’t know how that is even an issue, when your sense of smell would have curled up and died 3 days into their journey, with some 40-odd smelly, unwashed sailors at close range.  It nonetheless amuses Milord  to be witness to Fergus’ aka Pepe Le Pourri antics but secretly, he wished he’d thought of it first. 

Always do your research Fergus!

They are suddenly distracted by the Porpoise setting sail into the sunset with Mrs Fraser still firmly on it, trying to stem the spread of the deadly Typhoid Fever.  Cue the action music, this is f*cking intense!

Jamie is not happy at all and shouts demands to the Artemis crew to give chase.  Captain Reynes however, is surprisingly not happy with Jamie pretending to do his job.  He’s starting to think Jamie really is bad luck, having started the journey to rescue this young kinsman Ian and now they have to rescue his missus.  The man is a ginger storm in his teacup. Next time he’s going to check every passengers back-story before agreeing to take them anywhere.    Meanwhile, Jamie doesn’t hear ‘No’ enough so gets rough with Reynes who promptly sends him to the Lido deck aka sail-jail. 

Jamie, Jamie, Jameeeee.  Ask yourself, what would Ross Poldark do? 

On the Porpoise, Claire has the able-bodied men Dettoling the ship within an inch of it’s life.  To help her get on top of the fast-spreading disease, Captain Leonard has enlisted a 14 year old lad called Elias Pound to act as gopher.  Having been at sea since he was 7, he’s very knowledgeable, efficient and Claire is impressed by his can-do attitude.  Can we keep him?

As Claire wades through a tsunami of vomit and poop, the spread of Typhoid Fever rages on.  She must find the source or no one will survive at this rate.  She checks where patient zero started by going over the last surgeon’s notes.  Claire narrows the search down to a man called Howard who is now working in the Galley and goes to have him removed. She comes up against the Gordon Ramsey of the seas in doing so and you can safely say they will never be making a buddy movie together.  Claire is never one to waste a moment though....

On the Artemis, Fergus brings Jamie some food and sees he is now nauseous again. Fergus tries to calm his farm by soothing Jamie with assurances that Claire will be ok as she can’t get the fever.  Jamie points out that yes, that is a good thing however, she is surrounded by lots of men.  At sea.  Lots of men sailors at sea, far from Hoor-houses.  Gulp. 

Jamie gets an idea & hatches a plan.  He tells Fergus to steal the keys to get him out of his cell. Then, they will start a mutiny and go rescue Claire.  Ta Dah!Simples!

Fergus slaps his forehead emoji and tries to reason with Jamie who perhaps has inhaled too much bilge gas.  He is also stressing over losing Claire again, especially as he only just got her back.  Jamie gets the Hulk-cranky with Fergus which is hard to watch.  It’s like Jamie is kicking a puppy.  When Fergus continually refuses his ginger-hair-brained-scheme, Jamie pulls out his Ace card and says he’ll bless the union of Fersali if he sets him free.  The man has an evil side, I swear.

It’s no Comedy Cruise on the Porpoise.  The latest round of dead sailors are being sewn into their hammocks ready for a sea burial.  Claire watches as Elias sews the shroud to his dead friend’s nose (to ensure he is dead). Yip, that would wake me from the dead!  The ceremony is respectfully formal and ends with the sounds of bodies entering water while the crew recite the Lord’s Prayer. 

Later at night, Claire is looking out to sea trying to find her zen when she is approached by Chef Cheerybritches.  He has a go at Claire as he does not believe she is helping at all.  Before he can get too sinister, Elias arrives and tells him to leave off.  This lad is a rock-solid legend.

Elias asks Claire how she can keep so calm in the face of such calamity.  She explains how she has learned to compartmentalise her emotions so that she can get her job done.  Surviving Black Jack Randall and living with his twin for 20 years will sprout special skills, I imagine, in anyone. 

Because he is a sweet child, Elias offers Claire his lucky rabbit foot.  I can’t understand Claire accepting it at all.  This was the last thing his mother gave Elias and Claire taking it, when she’s inoculated against the fever is odd.  Another reason to love Elias.  Like we needed one.

Claire is called below to tend to Mistress Johanssens husband who they suspect is the latest Typhoid victim.  Claire finds he’s not come down with the fever as first thought but has nearly drunk himself to death with pure alcohol.  Out of utter frustration, she swears so loudly and colourfully that even the sailors blush.  She asks Elias to watch Captain Johannsen overnight so he doesn’t choke on his own vomit.  Annejke looks ready to kill her silly hubby too!

As Claire leaves the goat pen, she notices a Portuguese flag lying in a corner and asks Mr Jones where it came from.  He said they’d come across a Portuguese frigate a few weeks ago.  Claire asks if it was called the Bruja but Jones wasn’t sure.  He suggests she go ask the Captain.  Claire anxious of any news of the boat that has Ian, goes in search of Captian Leonard.  She finds his office empty so goes to his log book to see if she can find the name for herself.  She finds the entry and the boat they encountered was called the Cackador or something like that (sounds like they had a bout of Typhoid too lol), sadly, it’s not the Bruja. 

Instead of leaving, she nosies through the book a bit more and comes across a familiar name.  Jamie Fraser.  Who’s he again?  Umm, oh the dude I married... That’s right, now I remember..... Claire is shocked to read that a Harry Tompkins has identified Jamie to Captain Leonard, when they first boarded the Artemis.  Poo & double poo.

The door opens and startles Claire.  At first she thinks it’s Captain Leonard but soon sees its the Cranky Cook.  He knows she’s up to no good and Claire tries to leave but he corners her like a hungry panther.  He says he’s not a fan of her and knows why she is here.  Claire threatens to tell Captain Leonard he assaulted her, if he doesn’t get out of her way.  He knows she has the upper hand so lets her go.  Claire, rattled by the confrontation, leaves and knows she must hurry and find this Harry Tompkins. 

Marsali bathes Fergus’ stump as they discuss Jamie’s terrible and highly dangerous plan.  Marsali points out if Fergus also lands in the slammer, she’ll be left on the ship defenceless. 

One thing leads to another when they realise no one is watching them. Marsali is all for taking things to the horizontal disco deck but eventually Fergus stops her and says he wants to wait until they are properly wed.  Awwww, we don’t blame Marsali at all.  Fergus is pretty hawt.

Elias returns to Claire looking very tired after watching Mr Johanssen all night.  She asks if he knows a Harry Tompkins but he says he doesn’t know everyone on crew.  Claire lies that he might be another source of the virus and to tell the men she wants to see him as soon as possible.  Then noting how tired he looks, she tells him to get some sleep.  He’s so tired he can’t even blink anymore.

On the Artemis, Fergus checks out the possibility of maybe accessing the keys but instead overhears the captain and crew being unchristian about them and saying they’d like to get very friendly with Marsali.  He quickly leaves before they find him eavesdropping.

Claire is sorting through her medicines when 2 men struggling with another come bursting in with Elias in tow.  They’ve found Harry Tompkins. Claire recognises him as Sir Percival’s Excise henchman that burned Jamie’s print shop to the ground.

Claire clears the room then asks him what he knows about Jamie.  Harry confesses he recognised Jamie on the Artemis and told Captain Leonard Claire was his wife.  Claire is holding a big bone saw and he knows it’s to threaten him but tells her she can kill him if she wants.  He’d actually thank her, as he is miserable on this boat. 

He explains that instead of being rewarded for telling Sir Percival about Jamie’s treason, he got pressed into working on the Porpoise and is now surrounded by the dead and dying.  A man has limits!  His modelling career is now well and truly over..... 

To Claire’s horror, he also adds that not only do they have Jamie on treason, but they have Jamie up for a murder charge too. They found the accountant thug from episode 7 inside the barrel of Crème de menthe. 

Harry also says that as Capt Leonard has designs on captianing his own ship permanently, then he’ll gladly hand Jamie over to the authorities in Jamaica to put that feather in his cap.  They’ll wait for him in Kingston, dangle her like a carrot in front of his nose and then he’ll be hanged.  You know, we’ve been through this before Claire.  The ginger is repeating on you!....

You sure you don’t want to pop on a Turtleneck and go back through those stones now?

Claire sends Harry to a cell, convincing him the Cocktail trolley will be along shortly.  As she leaves, she tells him not to get too close to Howard (in the cell opposite) as he really is the source of the fever.  Harry retreats to the furtherest point of his space like a chicken dropped into the croc enclosure at Australia Zoo.

Claire goes to see Annejke and even though Claire helped her husband feel better (language barriers suck) she gives her a gift of cheese.  Instead of looking over the cheesy-moon, Claire looks down.  Annejke is ace at body language so asks Claire why her face looks like her favourite goat just died? 

Claire explains her husband is a total trouble-magnet and they bond over the joys of husbands who cause them grief.  Sing it Sista!

Finally Annejke says ‘she help’ as 'Her goat’s needs grass’.  Claire exhausted out of her mind, is confused how that is of any use to her right now.  Annejke senses Claire is a bit thick so says louder ‘my goooooaaats neeeeeds grrraaaaassss’, (i would have popped in with some hand gestures here Annejke, like pointing to goats and pretending to eat hay but Annejke seems confident that saying it louder will make Claire understand.) 

C’mon Claire, its code for ‘I’ve got a bloody good plan but I’ll share it with you when the time is right’.  Annejke is crap at codes.  Claire is completely lost so we’ll blame lack of sleep.  Instead she smiles, waves awkwardly and leaves the nutty cheesemaker to her fun.

Fergus visits auld tantypants again to tell him he didn’t get the keys.  Jamie isn’t happy to learn it’s by choice and not illchance that he is still locked up. Fergus objects as Jamie is being le totes not le fair.  Fergus explains that Jamie hasn’t heard the nasty talk on deck and Fergus needs to be around Marsali at all times to protect her.  Like now.  Yoohoo, Fergus where is she now? 

Blind with missing his Sassenach, Jamie ignores common sense and is very angry at Fergus for not trying his mission impossible.  Thankfully, Fergus remains as stubborn as a Fraser and even at the risk of not getting his blessing, will not go down that rabbit hole. You tell him Fergy Ferg. 

Jamie tells Fergus if he was really in love with Marsali, he’d know what Jamie was experiencing.  Jamie, ye great lump of misery, Fergus knows mate. 

Open yer eyes.

Finally the vomiting, groaning and begging for a quick death has stopped on the Porpoise. Claire is sooooo relieved. All the men are celebrating with a happy song and it inspires Claire to find Elias.  She can give him back his lucky rabbits foot now the danger has passed.  Where is the wee cutie-pie?  

She wades through the singing men to find Elias on his hammock and stops just short, her grin slipping from her face.  His arm is covered in sores.  He has Typhoid or a bad STD?  Most likely Typhoid!

Why didn’t the other lads bring him to Claire? Poor darlin’. 

Elias is delirious and when Claire calls his name, he turns his head and asks ‘Mother?’ to which she heartbreakingly answers ‘Yes, it’s mother, it’s time to come home’ then you see her stroke the bridge of his nose between his eyes, which I did to my children when they were babes sleeping and....well.....

* insert half an hour of FUCC. (Full Ugly Crying Constantly.) 

Can we just pause a moment to appreciate actor Albie’s lips! Damn they are pretty. Sorry, got sidetracked there.  Where were we?  Oh that’s right.

Elias died. 

We have seen Caitriona Balfe act some pretty tough scenes during the last 2 seasons but this moment with Elias getting sewn into his shroud - just about killed my tear ducts.  She sobs as she gives him back his rabbits foot by tucking it under his lifeless wee hand and that releases another dam of tears for her and us.  Even Captain Leonard’s little stubborn chin wobbled a bit. 

Can we pause again to applaude the brilliant Albie Marber on a wonderful character but mostly a shout out to the award givers. Cait deserves endless accolades for this right here. Bravo!

Ps. That last photo is a reminder of the happy times.  Focus on that. Lets hug it out.

Later at the back of the boat, after a stiff brandy Claire is blaming herself for missing Elias being sick right under her nose.  Captain Leonard points out that while yes, it was a sad loss, they only had one death today and no new cases.  Hooray!

Claire in full negative-Nelly mode, points out they are nearly out of drinking water too.  Captain Pubescant says it’s okay though as they’ll get to Jamaica soon and be toot sweet. 

At this point in the book, instead of Captain Padewan talking to Claire as above, it was actually Lord John Grey who pops his head out of his cabin and sympathises with Claire over the loss of men.  John has witnessed many a man dying in the soldiering he’s done.  He never appears anywhere else during their boat trip as he was warned to lay low in his room while a plague killed the rest of the crew.  John and Claire would have met for the first time, not realising who the other really was.  I missed this innocent path crossing but alas.  It was not possible when filming due to minor plot changes in the adaptation process.

After Captain Leonard leaves Claire to sulk some more, Annejke and her husband come to tell her the great news......They’ll be arriving at the Grand Turk Island tomorrow so they can get fresh water and yes, grass for her goats ie get off to warn Jamie of his doom.  Claire finally sees the opportunity Annika meant earlier and has her Ah-Hahhh moment.  Oprah would be proud, Claire.

The next day they anchor in an uninhabited part of the island where Annejke’s goats get some sweet, sweet grass.  Ay, mon. 

A small party including Claire go on the beach to get supplies.  With Annejke’s encouragement, Claire breaks for it and legs it into the hills. We think she’s going great until she runs straight into Captain Leonard and two guards.  There ensues some very bad lying on Claire’s part as she swears she was just searching for herbs.  Captain Leonard knows she’s fibbing and says he can’t let her escape to warn her husband.  Claire pleades with him to turn a blind eye but the stubborn jerk says nah, yeah but nah, can’t do that.

Captain Reynes and Marsali come to see Jamie.  Marsali reassured the Captain that Jamie will behave if he gives his word to stop rattling Reyne’s cage.  Reynes is not one to hug it out and instead tells Jamie he really needs all hands on deck as they will soon be navigating between islands.  Marsali tells Jamie that he’s lucky Fergus arranged this release with the Captain.  Jamie snorts and says it’s not for him but for her that Fergus did it.  Marsali gives him ‘the look’ that women know instinctively when dealing with fidiots and retorts with ‘you have no idea mate and if you think that for realz, she will leave him there’. 

Commensense finally wins and when he’s free, Jamie who has had time to let Marsali’s words sink in, tells Fersali that they have his blessing and they will be wed in Jamaica by a real priest when they can. Squeeee!  

Annejke leads Claire to the back of the Porpoise.  No they are not high, she points to the lights on shore and says for Claire to jump, the water current will take her to the beach.  Then she can save Jamie.  Claire refuses and says she’ll drown but Annejke shows her the raft she’s made for her.  

Eventually, Claire realises she will not be getting another opportunity like this again and needs to take the leap of faith.  We all hold our breath as she lingers on the edge and then she jumps. The Baddass.

The End.