#vincent to thomas UGH MAH HEART

[cocomoraine]

i just have to write this insane driven thoughts before i forget them all again:

Going back to the idea that a few years after we see the end of the film/book, as Pope Innocentius settled nicely in his role as pope, Thomas Lawrence, age coming to get up to him, quietly asks Vincent Benítez to resign. And Vincent, gentle and loving, accepts. Thomas retires into a quiet order, far away from the Vatican. They still keep in touch through letters, and phone calls, but the longing, and the gaping hole left by each of them on one another throbs every now and then.

(and because I am a fan of making my angst thoughts everyone's problem): Thomas, after almost a decade, quietly passes away, his last breath dedicated to softly calling out Vincent’s name. The pope, his secretary of state, his personal entourage (raymond o'malley), flew all the way to where Thomas will be buried. Press reports that they never seen the pope look as tired even with already nearly fifteen years under his papacy. Vincent kneels on Thomas's tombstone, and prays harder after a while. He prays for strength to face what could be the hardest years ahead for him. Aldo quietly looks up to the heavens, asking for guidance on how to move through the rest of his days, without his dear friend by his side.

Pope Innocentius continue onto his papacy, more years ahead in the future, but there is a shadow looming over the man, a certain sadness that renders his once youthful smiles turns into shadows of his past self. Aldo and Raymond doesn't know, and accepted that the Holy Father will never be able to get out of that shadow. Despite it all, Vincent performed excellently and kindly as Pope, until his last days.

Private records, and quiet testimonies from his secretary of state, and personal secretary, reveal that the pope died quietly and peacefully, with a serene smile on his face. Aldo, with knees already aching with age, and heavy heart, organizes the conclave.

Vincent, in his last moments, embraced death like a welcome respite, and when he saw his beloved dean, the man who welcomed him with open arms, accepted who he is, standing a few feet away, small smile in place. And when Thomas reaches his hand out to him, Vincent is more than happy to accept. It was the first time since Thomas went away that Vincent can finally breathe easy. He didn't realize until that moment that he was holding some part of himself back.

In that moment, Vincent can finally shed the white papal robes, remove being Innocentius. Thomas can finally let go of the Curia, his fears, his resentments, and weight. In that space and time, they're finally themselves, Vincent and Thomas, two men who answered each other's prayers, but didn't had the time.

Now, they all have the time in the world.