#victim blaming gets you blocked onsite

[awkwardandeccentric]

Part of the reason why I kin Stolas so much is because my own father survived two different domesticly abusive relationships.

So, now that that’s out of the way.

Octavia sees her mother abusing Stolas but mentally puts them both on equal footing. “Are you two done screaming at each other for the day?” and “Why does he hate her more than he loves me?”

She doesn’t know that he’s spent the last 17-18 years taking physical, emotional, and psychological abuse to give Octavia a “normal life” (I really hope Octavia never finds out she was conceived via rape. I don’t think Stolas will ever tell her because that would shatter her). She doesn’t know about his severe drinking problem that he uses to not feel all the misery. I don’t know if she knows about the SSRIs but considering how much Stolas keeps secret, she most likely doesn’t.

Octavia right now is angry with her father because, in her mind, her dad and mother loved each other and then her dad did a completely 180 by cheating with an imp and then firing back at all of Stella’s verbal assaults with no rhyme or reason. She is also going through trauma and that deserves to be acknowledged.

The thing about escaping domestic violence is your kid will never not be traumatized by it. If you stay, they’re traumatized by the abuser. If you leave, they’re traumatized by the sudden loss of stability, even if that stability was toxic and terrible. The best you can do is hope to mitigate the damage (but please if you have any doubts on whether to stay in an abusive relationship, the answer is always ‘no.’ Leave while you’re still alive).

I am not and will never victim blame Stolas. Escaping domestic violence is already as hard as swimming from the Pacific to the Atlantic without a life vest. I don’t blame him for not knowing this isn’t normal and that he deserves better. I don’t blame him for not wanting to leave Octavia without a mother (even if the mother is evil incarnate). I don’t blame him for 17-18 years of his survival mode working on overdrive and him not being able to see ahead how not kicking Stella to the curb the millisecond the egg was laid could damage his child down the line. I don’t blame him for putting his whole reason for not kill himself on Octavia, as unhealthy as that dynamic is.

But I also hope Octavia gets to a place where she doesn’t hate him for all this. Stolas can be selfish, but this isn’t one of those times. He found a lifeline in the form of a stupid red lizard (affectionate) and he’s gripping as hard as he can because he’s going to drown if he doesn’t. And to be honest? Taking some of that toxic energy off Octavia is a good thing. It’s not fair for her to be his sole reason for not killing himself. Again, don’t blame him for it- my birb husband has been tredding water for 17-18 years and needed some lifeline, any lifeline- but that doesn’t make it healthy.

I don’t want Octavia to know every dirty detail of her parents’ relationship. But I hope she finds healing in the knowledge that her father loves her more than all the rings of Hell combined and he’s spent 17-18 years trying to make it to the next morning just to make sure she’s okay. I hope she knows that he will protect her in the way he was never protected.

Great now I’m crying I have to call my dad.