#vibrating this is just vomit but ohhhh the dynamics of this

[ohcaptains]

having the most violent and obscene ghoap thoughts where you live together as a throuple and one time during a pretty intense scene, you get super upset that you’ve made johnny mad, because he’s always the soft and gentle one. the sweet one, who teases but is never mad. never frowns and tells you off. his face never goes dark, and his dominance has never come from a place of meanness before, but in your subby, spaced mind, you think you’ve really upset him.

it doesn’t help that simon tuts. says, you’ve gone and upset him now, love, and that breaks you. makes you turn to johnny and pout through tears.

i’m sorry, you sob. johnny, i’m sorry.

simon laughs meanly at you. don’t see ya’ apologising for making me angry. and you don’t mean it, not really. you’re just in such a delicate space. strung out from coming a handful of times — from the mix of pleasure and pain, that you sob, but you’re always angry.

you don’t see simon’s jaw twitch. don’t see the way his face clouds over, because you’re too busy crying up at johnny, saying, johnny baby, m’sorry, until the tears build to hysterics, and simon’s letting go of your hands. johnny’s cradling your head in his lap, and he’s wiping tears from your cheeks.

hey, shh, shh.

um’ sorry, i didn’t —

i know, i know lass.

and just simon wringing his hands and not knowing what to do with himself, because it’s one thing knowing that he’s angry, but it’s different when you’re crying it up at him and ohhhh just. just simon sitting in the garden at night, smoking, and thinking about it, because you didn’t do anything wrong, because you’re right. he is always angry.