#very much improved since my bad dream earlier.

[crimeronan]

did my PT exercises, went out and walked three miles, picked up some meds from the pharmacy, and now i'm having a bubble bath with a bubble bar i unearthed from under the bed last night. tonight i will hopefully snuggle up with rafi a bit and i Might write a little or might just color and watch burrow's end. we'll see.

[stardew-shitposterino]

Stardew Valley Bachelors and how they deal with their secret crush on the farmer

———-——————————

BEHOOOOLD! I’m kind of back but I’m not because I have a job and feel tired most of the time. I still need to get used to adult life. Anyway, here are the bachelors and how they deal with having a fat crush on you, you cutesy farmer person covered in filth!

Contents might be a bit NSFW so MINORS…you know what not to do *fights them off with a stick*

Enjoy my brainrot 🍓🥰

Sam:

-Sammy is a cute little guy, almost like a dog wagging it’s tail when they see their owner.

-he is SO BAD at hiding it

-he will dream about you two jamming on a big stage together. In his ideal world, you two are a successful duo who make noise rock (kind of like the white stripes minus the weird siblings or married controversy)

-Sam will write songs about you. It’s not intentional per say, and he thinks he really sucks at writing love songs, but it just happens whenever he has to think about you. The words just start flowing.

-he might or might not have had some steamy shower fantasies about you…while in the shower. Jodie keeps complaining about the water bill being unusually high 👀

-yet, Sam is usually not too horny when he is in love with you. He is more gushy and daydreamy than anything

Sebastian:

-homeboy works with nightcore versions of love songs to cope with his longing

-he isn’t the type to show his feelings so openly, so no one really notices his crush on you. Maybe Sam, but well, he is Seb’s best bud. Of course he can tell

-He notices how his sleep has improved since having a crush on you. He willingly goes to bed earlier to have some time to imagine scenarios of you two

-just you and him together on his cool ass motorcycle, driving into the night and ending it with a passionate kiss (sounds familiar?)

-well,,, let’s just say Seb is increasingly horny since having a crush on you. Before, he was almost certain he is some sort of asexual, but nope 😃 he’s healthy and extremely down bad for the filthy farmer who eats raw fish out of the pond 🥰

-what I mean by horny? Uhhh… he didn’t really need to rely on certain websites to satisfy his needs, that’s for sure 👀

Harvey:

-Harvey is a good man. A very good man

-god bless his soul 😫

-Harv isn’t the type to have crushes easily…I can’t believe it either, considering his crush on Maru who is way younger than him 💀

-but in my head, he isn’t the type to be all lovey dovey over someone. That’s why he’s so bad at hiding it. But you don’t really notice. You just suspect it but it could also be his usual anxiety lol

-it happened anyway😎 and he doesn’t know how to cope. At all.

-he has to think about you at all times, especially when he looks at the empty jars of delicious pickles you’ve made him

-This man is usually collected, but now?! He forgets everything, can’t even form a comprehensible sentence at times when his mind is busy thinking about a romantic picknick date with a lovely farmer

-Harvey’s libido is pretty much a dead beat horse 💀 but now he even feels the desire to do some nasty nasty at times. It’s still pretty tame, he’s a gentleman through and through, but wild for him to have those feelings and longings after what feels like decades. He’s not mad at it. He has felt low-key dead inside for so long so this is very exciting and he’s eager to explore this side of him…despite being anxious 😭

Elliott:

-bet your ass he’s the prince of crushes

-he is very dedicated and welcomes those refreshing feelings with a kiss

-feeling better than usual AND having inspiration to write ?! SIGN HIM UP

-he will use every chance he can get to talk to you, maybe even get you drunk (in a non creepy way) because he likes when you’re unapologetically authentic and let loose. It makes him feel more in touch with your soul (or some shit idk I’m not a poet)

-Elliott is NOT SUBTLE

-you practically know from the start that he has the hots for you, but it’s kinda funny seeing him try to pretend it’s not that way…if you can even call that pretending not to be 😭

- his passion doesn’t end at his artistry. This guy will spend a lot of time in his shower thinking about what could be, or sitting at the docks at night just staring at the sea (he’s NOT doing anything nasty in public, peeps. Don’t get it twisted)

-I can also see him recreate a romantic bedroom date he’d love to have with you…but it’s just him 🤷🏼‍♀️ self care king 👑

Shane:

-like Harvey: HE CANNOT COPE!

-he hasn’t felt like this since high school. Every other encounter with potential partners was surface level and only based on sexual satisfaction

-so caring about you, thinking about what makes you happy and how he could be the reason you smile every day, that’s a lot for him

-as stupid as it sounds, he spirals and becomes low-key miserable over it. Give this man a 101 lesson on how to process emotions 😭

-despite the constant anxiety he feels, he low-key enjoys it. It’s kind of hopeless as well as pointless in his honest opinion, but there is this believe, that 0.00001% chance (in his mind) that he could turn his life around and be happy with you, married and maybe have a child of his own one day

-but that’s wishful thinking, riiiiiiight? So what does a self loathing piece of alcoholic man do instead of making a move? Yeah, self pleasure even more than usual, to get at least a bit of serotonin and the willpower to get his shit together, at least for you if it isn’t for him. He’s pretty rough with it too (ouch, unless you’re into that)

-sorry bros but him having a crush is not really all that cute. He’s my cutie pie, but let’s be real: him dealing with those feelings he tried to shut off for so long will be tragic in a way. He’s battling his inner demons here. So yeah… :(

Alex:

-my man, my maaaaan 🥰

-he has earned a soft spot in my heart, bless his soul

-so Alex has a crush on you from the start, it’s basically canon

-can he show his feelings? Yes! Can he do that in a way that can be read as the feelings he tries to get across to you? NO!

-low-key bullying is his love language 🥰

-at least in the beginning. He’s a bit anxious and fears he isn’t good enough for you, so he doesn’t try to be authentic. Being the jock jerk everyone expects him to be gets a reaction out of you and that’s better than nothing, right?

-he’s neither the poetic nor the intellectual type, so he doesn’t process his emotions by writing them down or putting them into words. Just imagine him going about his work-out routine, just thinking about your beautiful smile and rocking bod while sweating like a hog

-Alex and quiet ? Yes that’s possible. I imagine him to go quieter than usual since having a crush on you. He processes everything internally and that takes a lot of time for him as he usually just shrugs off his emotions and doesn’t try to brood too much on them. But now?! He can’t but blush in silence as he just imagines how soft and small your hands must be next to his (yours are way more impressive than his and calloused to the gods, but let him have this moment)

-when it comes to being nasty…Alex is a serial romantic. We know that he probably was the lady’s man back in school so he probably got some action one way or another. In other words, man has the libido of a teen that just hit puberty 💀

-despite being quite horny, he was able to manage to just do it every other day. Now, he cannot even get out of bed in the morning before doing it as you pester his dreams and make his hormones go crazy first thing in the morning…so many nice boxer shorts were lost along the way 🫡

-he also did his own laundry for the first time during that period lmfao

[weirdkpopgirl]

Starving Yourself | Dream Reaction #6

Reaction: When their gf skips meals

Genre: Angst, slight fluff

Warnings: subtle mention of eating disorders, body image issues, lots of crying (I apologize)

Word Count: 3435k

Author's Note: I've had this subject in the back of my mind for a while now. A few days ago, I just got into it and thankfully finished today. I want to first credit my friend who helped me come up with scenarios for this lol.

Just a little disclaimer, I wanted to say something for those with poor body image. I feel like you hear things like this a lot, and you might read more things like "oh I also struggle too," and "please don't feel bad about yourself." When I was working on this, I did write some of the stories based on experience. So I don't have any right to advise on improving your self-esteem or working to have better eating habits. I'd be a hypocrite if I said those things. All I can say is that I know how what self-hatred is like, and how it can take you down some dark paths.

Please stay strong. I am very sorry for how long this note is 😅

~ ~ ~

MARK

His life was going normally, being a workaholic as always. At the same time, he felt more at ease since he was dating you. The other night, you guys went out on a movie date to see the new Black Panther film. It wasn’t until near the end of the movie that he noticed the popcorn you bought was barely touched. But knowing your slight dislike for greasy foods, Mark didn't think too much about it.

After dropping you off, he returned to his dorm. He was met by the Dream members who appeared to have been waiting for him.  They watched quietly as their leader removed his shoes and took his jacket off.

“Hyung?” Jisung asked cautiously.

“Yeah? What’s up?” The Dreamies exchanged looks with each other that he couldn’t quite read. Was it uncertainty?

“I don’t think he knows,” Chenle murmured, causing Mark’s brows to furrow in confusion.

“Know what?”

Chenle glanced at his hyung, and back toward the members beside him. But he was going to tell Mark the truth no matter what.

“That (Y/n) collapsed at her university last week.”

Mark stepped back, clearly shocked by this news. “What? Why?!”

“Apparently she wasn’t eating much,” answered Jaemin.

“She’s your girlfriend. Didn’t you notice something was off?” Haechan’s voice raised slightly. As one of your good friends, the singer couldn’t help but show his irritation. He knew Mark had been so caught up in work recently. But you’ve been struggling for a long time now.

Now in distress, Mark ran a hand through his hair as he searched his memory for anything he might’ve missed. He paused for a moment, remembering the popcorn from earlier. Then he was dashing back out the door, despite it starting to rain.

That was how you heard the sound of your doorbell ringing close to midnight. Luckily you were awake, but you were surprised to see Mark soaking wet. He also looked as if he was about to cry any second.

Despite your befuddlement, you pulled the man inside so he could change into some dry clothes. Mark would bring up to you what the guys told him earlier. At that moment, you began to regret hiding your problems from your boyfriend. You’ve never seen him so worried before.

You spent the rest of the evening—or morning cuddling in bed. Mark kept repeating how much he loved you and apologized for making you feel like you couldn’t come to him. All he sincerely wished for was for you to be happy and healthy. He wasn't going to allow another incident to happen.

✎__________________________________________________________

RENJUN

You had spent nearly an hour getting ready to meet up with Renjun’s parents. Seeing them was the first thing on your list for a weekend trip to your boyfriend’s hometown. It’s been nearly a year since you last met his parents, which made you more nervous than usual.

Renjun’s eyes lit up when you finally came out of the bathroom. He instantly recognized the white blouse with a dark blue floral print and the matching blue skirt you were wearing. It was the outfit he bought you not too long ago. 

“Wow, you look so pretty!” He exhaled. There was no hiding how taken away he was with you.

Even though you didn’t agree with his compliment, you thanked him shyly. Renjun noticed something wasn’t quite right pretty fast. The previous times you were about to meet his parents didn’t feel like this. But he couldn’t pinpoint why things felt strange with you.

Deciding to not dwindle on it, you guys left the hotel to meet up with Renjun’s parents at a restaurant. His mother quickly stood up when she spotted you two coming in. While she happily hugged her son, you exchanged greetings with his father.

“It’s so nice to see you again, (Y/n),” Mr. Huang smiled warmly.

You bowed your head politely, “Thank you. I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

Mrs. Huang pulled away from her son to get a better look at you. Her eyes filled with slight concern, and she took your hands. “You’ve gotten skinnier my dear!”

That's what it was. Renjun now knew what he was wondering about earlier. Preoccupied with carrying on a conversation with his mom and dad, you didn’t notice how he observed you throughout dinner. He waited until you guys came back to your hotel room to confront you.

“(Y/n), are you okay?”

Your body tensed slightly at his question. “Of course I am. What makes you ask that?”

“It’s just—you’ve become so thin lately. Also, you barely ate anything tonight, and you love Chinese food,” He pointed out. “Sweetheart, what’s going on?”

Honestly, you felt like you’ve been playing a game over the past few weeks. Wondering how long you could hide your unhealthy eating habits from Renjun. Of course, it didn’t take him very long.

Your eyes dropped to the floor. “Nothing—I just haven’t been hungry recently.”

“(Y/n)-ah, please don’t lie. You have to eat,” Renjun chastised. 

He walked over to your side and lifted your chin with the tips of his fingers. “Now I know why you’ve been so tired lately. If you keep this up, you can faint or something worse might happen.”

“I’m sorry. I guess, I just wanted to look my best for you and your parents,” You admitted, after a short pause. 

In return, Renjun pressed his lips against your forehead. “For the record, my parents love you, and so do I. You don’t need to change anything about yourself. Especially if your health is at risk.”

You melted into his touch, and let yourself sink into his embrace. Renjun was always there to reassure you that you were more than enough for him.

✎__________________________________________________________

JENO

Jeno and you were a newer couple, after having met through mutual friends at university. His major was computer programming, while you studied creative writing. So your schedules were different, but you did share one class. 

Your boyfriend was the one to convince you to take dance. Honestly, you were a little reluctant at first. But you ended up signing up for the class to spend more time with him. Since Jeno was more athletic, dancing was a lot easier for him. You…not so much. It was still fun, despite the increasing levels of anxiety the class gave you every week.

One afternoon, you met up after both of your classes finished. That’s when he asked to eat lunch together later. Yeah, a typical thing for a just-got-into-a-relationship boyfriend.

You agreed to his sweet offer. But you didn’t think when you jokingly added that it felt weird since you usually ate one meal a day. Jeno turned to you in astonishment.

“What? Only once?!” 

Confused by his reaction, you slowly nodded. “Yeah…”

He stopped walking and moved his hand to your shoulder.

“(Y/n)-ah, that isn’t healthy,” He lightly scolded. 

But you quickly brushed off his concern for your eating habits. You took his hand and dragged him to the school’s dance studio. “It’s not a big deal, Jeno-ssi. We better hurry, class starts soon.”

In spite of Jeno being slightly wary, you seemed to be learning the new dance routine fairly smoothly. That was until you were changing formations and you started to become dizzy. Huffing quietly, you shook your head to dismiss the slow onset of a headache and kept up with the next moves. This feeling was something you were used to whenever you did any intense physical activity. 

However, things were different when the room suddenly began to spin. Your legs were the first to give out, shortly after. Wincing, you pressed your knuckles against your forehead. Gasps and words you couldn’t process only irritated you more. Fortunately, Jeno rushed to pick you up off the ground and carried you to the health office.

The nurse checked up on you after getting settled. “Did you eat anything today?” She asked. 

Jeno couldn’t hide a scoff when you told the woman you had. He frowned when the nurse advised you to rest. Once she left, Jeno allowed himself to sigh.

“(Y/n), you need to eat more.”

“I-I think I just need rest,” You contradicted him.

The boy crossed his arms in persistence. “How can you rest when you have a headache because you don’t eat three meals a day?”

His tone softened a bit when he realized how fatigued you were. Lecturing wasn’t going to help you in this state. With another sigh, he made his way to the chair you were sitting in.

“Rest for now,” He said gently. “I’ll bring you something to eat.”

Jeno petted your head and pecked you on the lips before dashing out of the room. You waited anxiously for about 15 minutes before your boyfriend came back with assorted types of kimbap. He must’ve bought some from the nearby stand owned by a halmeoni.

You almost cried when he opened the wrapper and fed you. For the first time, someone showed you that they cared. Though you were both early in the relationship, you couldn’t stop yourself from falling deeper for Lee Jeno. Most likely, love.

✎__________________________________________________________

HAECHAN

Due to upcoming exams, you and Haechan spent your Saturday afternoon in the library preparing. Studying on a weekend may not be an ideal date in Haechan’s opinion. At the same time, he knew how stressed you got when exam season came around. But that didn’t stop him from complaining now and then.

“Aish, I missed breakfast because Jaemin was taking too long,” Haechan groaned.

He pouted when he received no response from you. His salty mood prevented him from getting anything done. On the other hand, you were ultra-focused on finishing up an essay for one of your English classes. However, you snapped out of your zone by Haechan’s hand tapping on the corner of your laptop.

“Are you hungry too? Did you have breakfast?”

Almost instinctively, you replied to his question with a simple “no.” You shook your head when he asked if your roommate was also running late this morning.

“I just forgot,” You said absentmindedly.

He watched your eyes flicker back to the computer screen in front of you. It kind of seemed like you wanted to end the conversation quickly. But you couldn’t escape your boyfriend that easily.

Then he asked, “How do you forget to eat breakfast?”

The cool expression on your face slowly faded, as you stopped to think for a moment. Lately, finals haven't only been your source of stress. This past month was spent traveling back and forth between Seoul and Pohang to take care of your sick mother. On top of that, you were balancing school life and hiding your problems from everyone. You guessed self-neglect was a result of all that.

Haechan noticed your sudden change and instantly became worried when tears formed in your eyes. He proceeded to reach his hand across the table to take yours.

“(Y/n), is everything okay?”

You promptly clasped your opposite hand over your mouth to muffle your sobs. At least you still had half the mind to cry quietly, remembering you were at a library. Usually, you were the last person to have an emotional outburst. But Haechan’s question made you realize how not okay you were.

Fortunately, your boyfriend was quick to act and rushed to your side. His arms wrapped around your shoulders, holding you in a tight embrace that would hopefully calm you down. 

A few minutes later, Haechan closed your laptop. “Okay, you’re going to stop thinking about school for the rest of the day.”

“Hyuck…” You wanted to argue, though you knew he was already standing up and packing your things away.

“You can tell me what’s been bothering you over lunch,” He added, “Does jjamppong sound okay?”

Haechan had no idea what was causing you to break down, or why you weren’t taking care of yourself. But getting you to eat was his priority, and he started by recommending your favorite dish. 

Since then, he’s become a lot more protective and gone out of his way to take care of you more. Whenever he was down, you were always there to support him. So that’s what he was going to do for you.

✎__________________________________________________________

JAEMIN

The first thing he did after getting out of bed was to look for you. He was a little sulky that you didn’t get to wake up together. Especially since he hasn’t seen you in one month and two weeks. Jaemin loved his job, but he hated how it also brought this distance in between you two. What made him feel worse was how you never complained. Not even this time, when he showed up at your apartment at one a.m. Instead of scolding him for coming over at such a crazy hour or for walking to your place in the cold, you simply led him into your room to get some much-needed sleep.

Luckily, it didn’t take long for Jaemin to find you. He was greeted by one of his favorite aromas when entering the kitchen. And there you were at the counter, carefully pouring a pot of steaming dark liquid into a blue mug. Watching you he realized you had gotten up early to make coffee for him.

As his heart swelled with a dozen emotions, he walked up to stand behind you. Barely startled by his presence, you merely glanced upward to see the tired grin on his face. 

“Did you sleep well?” He responded with a delicate kiss on your exposed neck.

His arms circled your waist, gently pulling your back to meet his chest. It was then, did he notice how his girlfriend’s waist was practically nonexistent, or in other words, thin. Thinner than usual and definitely not healthy.

Jaemin’s smile contorted into a look of concern. Slightly pulling away, he turned to you.

“Jagiya, have you been eating well?” His tone was soft, despite his deep voice.

Automatically, you could tell your boyfriend wasn’t speaking in a casual small talk way. Nonetheless, you pretended not to be fazed.

“I’ve been on a diet…” You set the coffee mug down.

He frowned. “What kind, if you don’t mind me asking?”

You cursed in your head, as you hurriedly made up a lie.

“A low-carb diet,” You tried your best to sound assertive.

“A low-carb diet or a no-carb diet?”

You froze in place when you noticed the hint of anger in the last part of his question. Jaemin slowly turned you around to face him. “(Y/n), be honest. Have you been eating well?”

Several seconds of silence passed by, as you couldn’t even look him in the eye.

“No.” There was a catch in your throat, as your lips quivered.

Jaemin brought you back into his embrace when you began to cry. His chin rested on the top of your head, as your tears soaked his shirt. His heart broke at the sound of your sobs. All he could do was press kisses into your hair, and pat your back.

You sniffed, “I just…I just see pictures of us, and I hate how I look when you’re so perfect.”

“(Y/n)-ah…”

“I know it sounds stupid. But I want to be a girlfriend who is also beautiful.”

Jaemin cupped the right side of your face and sighed, “(Y/n)-ah, you’ve always been beautiful to me. You don’t need to lose weight or do anything else to prove that.”

As comforting as his words were, Jaemin knew that it would take more than that to make you feel better. From then on, he didn’t miss a chance to shower you with compliments and affection. He loved you and had no problem making sure you believed that.

✎__________________________________________________________

CHENLE

You were currently on opposite sides of the room. Chenle was watching Instagram videos on his phone, and you were writing the next chapter to a story you started a while ago. This was agreeably considered hanging out with each other. Doing your own thing until someone broke the silence. And this time, it was Chenle.

His stomach growling did not go ignored by him. Naturally, he pulled up a delivery food app. He then paused and looked over to you who was typing away on your computer.

“(Y/n)-ahhh, I’m ordering food. What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” You replied, without looking up.

Chenle sat up in his spot on the couch. “Do you want tteokbokki?”

“Um, I’m not in the mood for tteokbokki.” He saw your head shake behind the computer.

“Jokbal?”

“Haechan will be upset if we eat that without him.”

“How about gukbap?”

“Eh…”

“Okay, what about-”

Losing concentration, you shut your laptop in frustration. “I’m not hungry! Just order something for yourself.”

“I want to eat with you though,” He whined. You closed your eyes for a moment and sighed before starting to speak again. 

“But—”

“No buts. You’re going to come here and help me choose something.”

Just as you opened your mouth to protest, Chenle already decided he had enough. He lifted you from your chair which earned him an “are you crazy?” look. Then he brought you to where he was previously sitting. While doing so, he noticed that you were very light.

“How are you not hungry?” Chenle asked. “Your stomach is practically crying out to me.”

You wrapped your arms around your waist self-consciously. “You’re exaggerating, Chenle.”

Even though you made it sound like not a big deal, Chenle had a feeling there was an underlying problem here. He knew that you had a small appetite, but having no desire to eat was separate. For someone who was such a big foodie, the idea of his girlfriend starving herself worried him.

“We haven’t had a meal together in so long,” Chenle pretended to sulk. “But if you really don’t want to eat, I won’t force you.”

Ugh, you just couldn’t resist the rare look of sadness on the boy’s face. He knew you hated to be guilty.

So with a sigh, you slowly made a new suggestion. “Actually…maybe we can get tteokbokki. Can we just share the bowl?” 

As if he wasn’t moping a second ago, Chenle smiled and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. “Of course. Anything for you, Cutie.”

✎__________________________________________________________

JISUNG

He sat patiently in the lobby, waiting for you who was at a doctor's appointment. You insisted this was nothing but a normal check-up. But that didn’t stop Jisung from accompanying you. He stood up in slight surprise when you came out earlier than expected.

“(Y/n)-ah! You’re done?” You bobbed your head and grabbed his hand with a small smile. 

Jisung noticed you were being quieter than usual during the drive to your place. But he thought you might be tired from a long day of classes before having to visit the doctor’s office. You’d probably feel better when you got back home.

Once you guys arrived, Jisung was left alone when you went to change into more comfortable clothes. As he plopped down on your small couch, his eyes darted to the medical papers you had previously left on the coffee table. Out of habit, Jisung picked up the papers to organize them. 

However, your recorded weight on the first page caught him off guard. His eyes widened in horror at the number. He knew you were small, especially compared to his size. But he didn’t think you were underweight to the point that it was dangerous. This must’ve been why you barely said anything earlier.

Tears flooded his eyes in an instant when he saw you walk out of the room. Suddenly confused as to why your boyfriend was crying, your lips parted to ask what was wrong. Then you spotted the slightly crumpled papers in his hands.

“Jisung—I can explain,” You spoke calmly, in an attempt to keep your voice stable. 

Jisung looked at you in despair. “Is this why I haven’t seen you eat lately? Or how you don’t want to go shopping together anymore?”

Your confirmed silence made him feel worse. Regardless he rushed up to hug you, engulfing your small frame into his taller figure. The two of you stayed in that position for a long time. Your fingers stroked his back as you also tried to calm him down. You made sure to reassure him that you knew you had a problem and were going to try to build better eating habits. Jisung would offer any support he could give you.

✎__________________________________________________________

[themuffin2649]

Bed Time

A SYVNH Short.

I shifted as best I could under the sheets and pulled the pink blanket over me with my left hand. My skin was as soft as a baby’s from showering, and I could still taste the fruit-flavored toothpaste in my breath. The pajamas were fluffy yet breathable with cute pink hearts decorating it, and the sheets smelled freshly washed.

The only thing that kept this from being my 15 year old’s dream sleepover was the chain around my neck and right arm.

The door opened and the familiar face of my captor walked in with lavish pajamas fit for a prince.

“I see you’re ready for bed? Mind if I join?”

He didn’t even wait for an answer before crawling onto the bed between and setting in the space between Leon and I.

Leon…

I looked past Vincent to see him in chains knocked out cold from the drugs that Vincent made him take earlier. Somehow, Vincent managed to put a muzzle on him earlier today for trying to bite off his fingers.

Vincent noticed that my eyes were set on Leon rather than him.

“Don’t worry about him, it’s just a small punishment. He’ll be out of those chains as soon as he learns to behave. Learn to be a Good boy like you.” He said as he softly petted him.

Damn Vincent! I know that he sometimes acts like a puppy, but you’re treating him as if he IS one.

I turn my attention back to Vincent, who had just planted a kiss on Leon’s cheek, Something that would have earned him a jaw-breaking punch had he been conscious. Vincent looks back at me and I ready my lips for a kiss. As expected, our lips touched, and I deepened the kiss. As we kissed, I tasted the mint from his toothpaste, and our arms snaked against each other’s backs.

“Mmm… you’re so perfect.” He said as we parted our lips. I felt him warmth as a blush bloomed in his face. A warmth grew on my face as well.

As much as compliance annoyed me, since I’ll have to live the rest of my life in a basement, I had to admit that it did get me rewards. The chain on my left arm was off, the chains on my right hand and neck were extended, there was less drugs in my food, and I even got to choose what toothpaste flavor he wanted (And fruit punch did not disappoint)

It’s not so bad I kept telling himself.

Despite the reduced amount of drugs put into my food, I still couldn’t help but feel drowsy from what’s left.

“Tired?”

He asked, as if he wasn’t the one who put roofies in the first place. I nodded a little and layed my head down on the soft pillow.

He shifted his right hand to hug Leon, but was quickly annoyed on how uncomfortable the chains on his body were.

“Vincent… can’t you just take them off him for tonight. It’s not like he’s gonna wake up anytime soon…”

Vincent looked at Leon practically dressed in chains and frowned. He wanted to take them off, but Leon has been so angry with him. And it could risk him escaping.

“I’m sorry Honey, but the chains have to stay. Maybe some will come off when his behavior gets better.”

I frowned, although knocked out, Leon looked very uncomfortable.

“I know, but maybe you could change it. I hate to admit it, but he’s much more fond of you than me. You could convince him to improve his behaviors.” He said as he gingerly held Leon’s hand. Surprisingly, Leon didn’t hold him back.

Dammit, I can’t do that! The last time I even mentioned an escape attempt together, he shut me down. Stated that if we escape, I’ll break his trust again, and that this is the only way I’ll stay by his side… ugh… Even in this body, I’m still just a fountain of problems.

“But… he’s still mad at me.”

“As mad as he is, there’s still a better chance of him listening to you than to me. I hate to see him in those chains as well. Help make our lives easier, ok?”

Maybe convincing Leon to calm down would make everything easier. Not just for him, but for me as well… because…

I pause that thought as I felt myself spacing out. Vincent noticed this as well and stopped talking. He shifted himself under the blanket and threw it over Leon before laying his head down on the pillows as well and looking at me.

“Good night.”

But I passed out before I heard it.

[alvaeris]

Hm, I didn’t think about the heart thing that way. You’re right, though; it wouldn’t be as special! I change my stance and agree with the living just long enough to give it to you. Ehehe, I could actually be your doll that way! You should throw tea parties with my corpse. I think that would be very fun. I wanna have a tea party with you!! We’d get all dressed up… and I could bake stuff for it, and we’d also have to pick a reallyyy pretty spot. We would have the bestest tea party ever. OH, that reminds me of our Minecraft world plans. I’m gonna make us a pretty picnic area (๑>◡<๑) 

AW, am I really on your mind that much?? It surprises me often how much you like me. I hope that I can convey that I care about you just as much. You’re so sweet, and I really cherish you. I always look forward to talking to you whenever I wake up; it’s one of my favorite parts of the day. I love getting notifications from you. Ahah, it’s so weird to think that we met because you started going on anon for me… and now I’m the one who’s on anon for you!

Anyways, got off topic there; back to the sleep thing. Who would steal me away in my sleep? Knife man? He showed up one time, and I do not think he’s coming back… even if I really want him to </3. You have shown up more than knife man in my dreams. I do wanna get rid of the evil sleep fairies job!! Sleeping is just as evil as them, and it should stop existing. It is dumb that we have to sleep so we aren’t tired, because I could be spending all that time with you instead if sleep wasn’t needed… smh!!

- Doll

ADHJDJDGF,, i'd stitch you up after taking your heart, don't worry! i want my doll to look perfect, and while i admire the symbolism of a gaping hole in your chest, it's only proper for a doll to look put-together! I LOVE THE IDEA OF TEA PARTIES. i'd feed you biscuits and jam and sip tea out of fancy teacups. we'd wear fitting outfits for every occasion! you'd be my pretty doll-prince. ruffled shirts all the time. i really love ruffled shirts, and they'd look so good on you! we'd bake cupcakes together. and apple crumble. and strawberry macarons. i love baking! i made chocolate cake yesterday. we'd go out somewhere nice, with lots of grass and flowers! and then we'd lay on the ground together and point out the shapes in the clouds. we'd better have a pretty picnic spot in our world!! i want lots of poppies there, i love poppies. what are your favourite flowers? we'll needs lots of those too!

AND YES!! i really do think of you that much. grr, my goal is to show my love for you so much that you just have to accept it as normal and won't be surprised anymore! you're a really important part of my day too. and awww, thank you!! i love talking to you first thing in the morning! it's only fitting that you be the at the front of my mind when i go to sleep and when i wake up. dolls need lots of love, care and attention, after all! i can't be neglecting you. i'd be a bad owner then! also YEAHH, i think about that a lot 😭😭 like. what if i'd just stayed as a stalker and never talked to you. then we'd have never met and become such good friends. and you wouldn't be my doll. and i wouldn't be obsessed with idv now. it's kinda crazy how much you've impacted my life since i've met you. not that i'm complaining, of course! i love having you by my side, and being at yours. i just wish i had gone anon for you earlier!

grgrgr, you need to stop falling in love with people who threaten you with knives in your sleep!! it only happened once, but still. knife man, i'm giving you an ultimatum!! either come to my dreams instead or go away forever. i'm clearly referring to the evil sleep fairies, though! they're evil, after all. they would want to steal you away, because that's an evil thing to do! they can't deny their nature. and hmm, getting rid of sleep would only be a good thing if we also get rid of tiredness. like where's the wireless charging update for humans.... at least improve battery life! i do want to spend all that time with you!

[stepswowdsen]

【KagePro】 KuroEne AU: Art Ideas + Rambles 🖤💙

Intro Rambles

AHHH MY 10 YEARS (DECADE) OLD SHIP, AHHH MY CHILDHOOD OTP, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH... SHIPPED THEM SINCE I WAS 12, BABY!!!

I forget exactly when, but I first got into KagePro when I was 12 around October 2013 (or sometime around there), so I must've gotten into KuroEne in November ~ December 2013, or January 2014.

So I would've been 12 when I first shipped them and drew for them. KagePro is my first fandom and one of my earliest series interests, and along with KHR, one of the things that really got 12 year old me to start drawing so often in the first place, so it's very precious to me~

Back then, KHR and KagePro were the things I drew most as a kid, so I have SOOO many old doodles of them. My old arts are hard for me to look at tho LMAO

KuroEne will always be forever important to me. I cherish them dearly~ 💗

KuroEne AU Ideas (7/15/2024)

Btw I was just thinking about some KuroEne AU ideas so I'll talk about it more tomorrow? Some angst fuel ideas! I'm going to bed now. I came up with these on 7/15, but I'll post them now

The sense of loneliness that Ene has and her melancholy and insecurities and self esteem and desire for attention (from Haruka, and people she loves)

Which is what makes someone like Kuroha/Saeru a good match with her, she has trouble being honest about her feelings and wants/desires and keeps her "bad" feelings to herself.

And because of Kuroha's omniscience and knowledge of his S/O's insecurities and vulnerabilities and relationships and context and past, he knows how to "draw out" those desires and bring them to the surface.

KuroEne AU: Haruka and Konoha react to KuroEne's intimacy

Separate ideas where Haruka (whose consciousness is dead and trapped in the Kagerou Daze, can see and hear what Konoha can in the real world because it's Haruka's body) and Konoha (who has his body overtaken/possessed by Kuroha/Saeru), separately, reacts to KuroEne's intimacy by seeing it through Konoha's body (that Saeru is possessing as Kuroha) and feels a pang of jealousy and other bitter emotions.

KuroEne AU: Haruka reacts to KuroEne's intimacy

Haruka reacts to KuroEne's intimacy and Kuroha's admission of "Your beloved Haruka" and Ene wanting Haruka back and admitting to loving him

KuroEne Art Ideas

"Do you still love me?"

Kuroha holds Ene with a smirk while the comp is half split with Konoha's body half turning to Kuroha (Black Konoha) on one side, and the half is still Konoha's sleeves (Hasn't turned yet)

"Have a sweet dream. See you in the next route."

Kuroha lies next to Ene on a bed of Higanbana, the Red Spider Lily, (also known as the Corpse Flower, Hell Flower, Flower of Death), Ene has her eyes closed and her arms are folded while she lies asleep peacefully, and Kuroha has a smiling ^v^ expression. And possibly while he's covered in the blood (of the Mekakushi Dan members) over his hands and has splotches of it on his face

Even the Kuroha/Saeru colour illust by Sidu in KagePro LN: 7 -from the darkness- has Kuroha/Saeru depicted with black spirals that coincidentally look like the spindles of the higanbana.

KuroEne AU Ideas (7/16/2024)

KuroEne AU: Amusement Park

I didn't get to write all of what I wanted today but I got most of it down so I'll just post what I got for now

One of the ideas I had that I forgot to talk about was Ene getting Kuroha to take her to the amusement park. Ene gets excited talking about how, while she was surfing the web earlier when the android body was recharging, that she found out about an Amusement park attraction and wants to go with him.

I imagine that Kuroha decides to play nice prior to the fateful day of August 15th (in which he plans to enact the "plan" or "Tragedy." Like he acts more tame/normal on purpose, and holds back, and decides to go along with his partner's whims.

Ene goes like, "Take me to the amusement park!!!" And she gets excited when he agrees. I assume they're in a Route where he's made enough improvements that the battery can last anywhere from several hours ~ a full day instead of just an hour or few.

At some point during the Amusement park trip, Ene innerly thinks to herself with flustered, panicky thoughts, like, "W-w-wait why is my face getting all red??? Maybe it's because I'm just embarrassed by this guy's teasing??? Yeah!!! That must be it!!!"

She thought of it as going with like, a friend, before, but she thinks about the fact that it's just the two of them here and that this IS the person she has an intimate relationship with and thinks to herself, "HOLD ON!!! IS THIS A DATE!?!?" And cuz Ene is so easy to read, Kuroha can guess her inner turmoil and just gets amused.

Ene pulls him by the arm and makes Kuroha to come along with her to all the amusement park attractions, and he lets her. They probably go on stuff like the mini boat rides and other attractions.

Kuroha just reacts like (...) the whole time while on the roller coaster ride, like the completely calm type that doesn't react at all, he just watches Ene's excited reactions of "Yippee!!!" (>v<)

Kuroha comments that it's good that Ene seems to be enjoying herself, and Ene tells him that she's never had the chance to go to an amusement park before and that she's having LOTS of fun!!! And that she's glad that he is here with her.

Ene goes like, "Come onnnnn, carry me!!!" And he carries his fussy needy gf, while making a teasing quip that she acts awfully spoiled. And she just pouts like "It's fine, it's fine!!!" (>3<)

When he thinks about it, Kuroha picks up on the fact that back when she was Takane, she'd spend most of her time cooped up in her room at home playing video games, and probably didn't get the chance to go to an amusement park (also due to her chronic illness too). So the bright and peppy exterior Ene displays is over compensation for her regrets and an opportunity to do the things she didn't get to before

At one point, Ene wants Kuroha to win prizes for her at a booth/stand selling plushies by throwing darts into a target marker, and Ene tells him she wants him to win prizes for her. When Kuroha throws the darts, it hits the center (red bull's eye) perfectly.

There's probably also a game with hitting moving targets as well, and he hits them all perfectly and wins the prizes that Ene wants. And Ene's like, "Wow~ You're good at this! Throwing darts, I mean!"

And Kuroha tells her, "Naturally. This much is child's play? I am quite skilled at hunting down moving targets..." He has plenty of practice at it. Ene takes it as a video game thing cuz Ene makes him play video games together and her faves are shooter types, but ahahaha, there's a much darker secret to that. After that, Ene is carrying a fluffy bunny plushie.

It'd also be fun to think about the Amusement Park Scenario with KonoEne too? KonoEne where Konoha just noms on Ene's cotton candy and she just gets all huffy at him. Also with the darts scenario, Konoha wouldn't hold back (cuz of how dense and airheaded he is), so him throwing the dart just creates a mini crater in the wall. Like it plays out much differently with KuroEne ofc.

KuroEne Art Ideas

1st Idea:

I imagined the art of concept of Kuroha lying next to Ene in a bed of Higanbana (Red Spider Lilies), known as the Corpse Flower, Hell Flower, and Flower of Death. Ene has her eyes closed and her arms folded (similar to how Ayano is posed like a corpse in the Additional Memory MV), while Kuroha has a smiling expression on his face.

And it’s a deliberate reference as well to “The next” (次の, Tsugi no) in the Outer Science MV, with “The next, next time this comes around… I'll still sneer!”

While Kuroha (metaphorically) stands on top of the dead bodies of all the Mekakushi Dan members from previous Routes (as a visual representation), with a snake-eye pupil above him.

2nd Idea:

So I imagine Kuroha wrapping his arms around Ene, holding her in a tight embrace, while he has a smirk on his face. One hand is on her shoulder, and the other hand is either carressing her face or resting on top of her head. And he has snakes and a black aura and tendrils around him as well.

I didn’t imagine it as “Kuroha turning to Konoha’s appearance” using Awakening Eyes, but rather, the process that shows Kuroha possessing Konoha’s body, and using Konoha’s Eye Ability, Awakening Eyes to change the appearance of the body and clothes.

Since he’s using Awakening Eyes, his eyes are also glowing red. I was thinking of an art concept that shows the mid-way process of Kuroha possessing Konoha’s body, so Konoha’s body has been half-turned. So on the arm that’s resting on top of Ene’s head (or carressing her cheek), the sleeve on this side is still white, like Konoha’s.

Scan: @/ayara-resara

Edit by me

TAKANE/ENE IS SO SHORT COMPARED TO HARUKA, KONOHA, AND KUROHA... MY WIFE IS SO TEENY TINY. I think I'm like ~1 cm taller than her LOL

Takane: 157 cm (5'1")

Haruka, Konoha, Kuroha: 182 cm (6'0")

Since y'know, it's Haruka's body.

Kuroha's Pet Names for Ene

Takane's full online gamer name was “Lightning Dancer Ene” or “Dancing Flash Ene” (閃光の舞姫・エネ, Senkou no Maihime - Ene), where Maihime (舞姫) means "Dancer girl.” The name “Ene” comes from “Enomoto Takane”

Dancing Girl (舞姫, Maihime, lit. "Dancing Princess")

So he could take the 姫 (Hime) from 舞姫 (Maihime) and call her "Princess"

Since his usages of "Queen" (女王, Joou) and "My Master" (わが主, Waga Aruji) are used towards Marry and Azami

Kuroha's pet name for Ene would probably be something like:

親愛なるウサギちゃん (Shin'ai naru Usagi-chan; "[My] dear/beloved [little] bunny/rabbit")

親愛なる is something that's really only used at the start of a letter, like you wouldn't hear IRL lovers call each other that, since couples have different ways to verbalize affection (like giving your partner affectionate nicknames to indicate intimacy, like the shortening of a name, a play on the name, etc.)

But considering Kuroha/Saeru's origins as a character and how Saeru is ??? years old, like, older than the world itself in KagePro, the dude is fucking ancient, and so, I think he would use more olden and archaic speech/terms sometimes. Iirc the word 親愛なる (Shin'ai naru) was first created in the Meiji Era.

I do see 親愛なる (Shin'ai naru) used more in fiction like animanga and games, though.

This is mainly used in letters and texts, and rarely in actual conversation

Like you have to make up your own pet name like a variation on their name, shortened nickname or something else

Though JP hardly uses pet names like that in actual conversation and uses other affectionate nicknames

It's also old fashioned and archaic. Apparently, it originates from the Meiji period.

That's why if you see these kinds of phrases, it's mostly to translate from other languages.

Kuroha and KuroEne Misc Rambles

Kuroha flexes his knowledge to his S/O to prove just how much he knows about them, either by recounting memories of previous Routes to them or by recalling really specific details. That title was the gamer name Takane became known by. With the nickname "Little bunny" as a ref to Ene's cute twintails that look like bunny ears and also how a Snake can feed on bunnies as its prey.

And the general curiosity Kuroha has in wanting to add to his "knowledge bank," the excitement of either repeating or going through new experiences with his partner.

Like I think a lot of things are playing into their relationship dynamic. In the context of a Kuroha ship AU, I think what he feels is definitely obsession and a twisted form of affection. He wants to live forever (so he prioritizes his own goals), and he also sees it as like "I can be with you forever as long as I keep causing the time loop tragedy and we can keep meeting for eternity."

And there's a lot of other things too like the circumstances of HaruTaka and KonoEne's context, Kuroha's omniscience and knowledge, desire, and a craving/yearning for warmth, touch, and affection and validation on Ene's end, and the pull she feels for him because of the vessel he uses and his intimate knowledge of her. There's like that sinking realization that settles in, that the greatest enemy of the Mekakushi Dan knows her better than she knows herself.

Kuroha's "Knowledge/Wisdom"

He knows how to get under her skin and provoke her into acting (ie. Challenging Ene to make her want to rise up to the challenge and get competitive with him). He knows what to say to tease her to see her embarrassed, flustered reactions, since this guy would just be merciless at teasing

Like at this point in their relationship, he would know enough about her that he can read her reactions like an open book. In general, he savours seeing strong emotions being directed towards him.

He feeds off the desires and wishes of humans, which would include his partner in the context of a Kuroha ship AU.

Also dealing with Ene requires more patience than the average person would have imo, but good thing is, he's not an average person in the slightest, so he's perfectly content with playing the waiting game.

Like it would become obvious to him (after observing Ene throughout their interactions and encounters) is that Takane/Ene is very straightforward. Easy to read.

But also predictably unpredictable, so it keeps things fresh for him. Even if she can't admit it outright, he can guess her feelings pretty well. What's so interesting about Kuroha/Saeru is that this character is basically the manifestation of "Knowledge/Wisdom" as a concept, as a malevolent, cruel, sadistic, evil entity.

Takane/Ene gets flustered and embarrassed easily and really doesn't want to admit more honest feelings. The way that she holds onto her pride, and her bold haughty nature, feistiness and bravado, are some of the things about her that he finds amusing/interesting.

Also he knows how to steer convos into more tender territory and appease and flatter her, with Ene's impulsive nature and ever changing whims.

It shows the extent of his "advantage" or "edge" he has over his partner, like he holds the knowledge over them as a reminder that even if he relinquishes control in intimacy/roleplay, he is still in charge of and holds the power in their (bedroom) dynamic. And that knowledge is something he takes satisfaction in and gloats in.

Other Rambles

Something that I just realized is that a lot of my wives (the ones with softer, empathetic personalities) have this sense of melancholy and loneliness.

I need to talk more about this tomorrow or something…

Kuroha provokes Ene into getting more competitive with him

I feel like Kuroha often manages to goad Ene into getting competitive with him, but she doesn't fall for his provocations when he tells her stuff like how he wouldn't mind if she's rough with him in sex, even if it's painful, because he would still enjoy it.

Ene just shoots her sadistic/sadomasochistic bf's suggestions down right away, cuz unlike him, she is not the violent type, and she would still want it to feel good for him.

Also let's be fr, Kuroha is the only KagePro character that can manage to pull the kinky sex off (this character is a freak /pos), so the sex is just more fun to write for. I love writing meow meow mf charas with dark urges like that, cuz it makes ship interactions and intimacy (and sex) sooo much fun to write for.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I am a new reader of your blog, and that is something I want to know (but it's totally okay if you want to ignore this ask!) why you stopped liking [with you]? Is there something in particular that bothered you about this fic?

That... is a question with a loaded answer.

The quick answer is:

I put way too much pressure on myself with [with you] that caused terrible burnout and I couldn't do any creative writing for a long time after; a small portion of my readers were pretty hostile about slow updates; there were criticisms about the story that I had a hard time with; and there are a lot of story beats and writing decisions I made with it that I'm very critical of. All of those things combined, I now have a lot of negative feelings associated with [with you].

The not-so-quick answer involves a lot of self-criticism about my prose, poor choices, the criticisms by my readers, and some behind the scenes stuff. I'll put all that under a "keep reading" for anyone interested in more detail.

When I started [with you], it wasn't meant to be a 50k+ story, it was just going to be a simpler story told in a couple parts... that I then kept expanding. I'm pretty sure every note I have on the original version posted on here starts with, "hey y'all, this story is this many parts now whoops haha"

I had very little planned out, I was just discovery writing my way through everything. I wrote a chapter, read through it a couple times, said, "yeah that's good enough," then posted. Y'know, like what a lot of people who write fics do. "no beta, we die like Ben falling down the bell tower" and all that.

I had ideas of where I wanted to go, but I didn't start an outline until I was well into the story. It was bloated. I felt like I needed to add every single idea I had, and needed to expand on every character, even if it didn't do anything to advance or enhance the story... and that became overwhelming for me to keep track of since I wanted it to all tie together in the end and please my readers.

When I read through it now, there is so much that can be cut that no one would miss. It would flow better and be easier to read.

My prose [the actual writing style] is all over the place and reads like a first draft, especially in earlier chapters. Spelling errors, run-on sentences, whole paragraphs that I should've cut. While I feel better about my dialogue, there are some conversations that read as awkward.

Honestly, the best part of the entire fic is Clementine and Louis' story, which... yeah. I'm pretty happy with the way I portrayed their dynamic, dialogue, and romance. I just wish I hadn't bogged it all down with everything else, like... that's all it needed to be, it just needed to be about clouis.

Oh, and I still like the dream sequence. That's probably one of the better chapters, if not the best chapter.

Now, when I say I made bad choices with this story, one of those choices I'm referring to is my "big rewrite." This was incredibly stupid. Past CJ thought it was a good idea but she's a dumb ass. You can't listen to anything she says.

Basically, I got the brilliant idea that I would take [with you] down and rewrite the whole thing before I wrote the final chapters. I wasn't satisfied with how it was written. I felt I could do so much better. I was going to trim unnecessary fat, expand on important details, make some heavy changes, improve everything, and then repost it with the ending.... so I deleted it off AO3 and got to work.

Terrible idea. Don't ask me why. What I should've done was discontinued that version, made a note that it was old, and then published the new version separately. But I didn't. And a lot of people were pissed at me. Shocking.

I should've just finished it. I should've finished it, posted it, and then went from there. But I didn't. Ever since then I've gotten a lot of readers who would go on anon and send me messages about [with you] that are passive aggressive or guilt trippy. That soured my feelings about the story and myself as a writer tremendously.

Then there's Violet.

I wrote the first few chapters before Ep4 of TFS was released, meaning I wrote Violet before we found out that she's blinded in the explosion in her kidnapped route. I took the "Violet despises you" route, and a big plot point of the story is Violet dealing with all these conflicting feelings about Clementine, hating her but also not, distancing herself from the group, the strain it put on her and Louis' friendship, etc.

I don't like how I portrayed Violet for a number of reasons. I know what I was trying to do, and I knew I couldn't [or wouldn't] scrap everything I already wrote about her and rewrite in a blind Violet on friendly terms with Clementine... because sure, I wanted to do this grand rewrite that sounded easy enough on paper, but in practice that was so much work that intimidated me.

Because behind the scenes fun- for the rewrite, I wanted to do that. That was a major change that would've cut so much from the story I wasn't happy with, and would've been a more positive portrayal of the character. But then I saw just how much would be cut and how much I'd have to write and it scared me off from the idea... so I tried to work with what I had and I still hate it.

Violet's very antagonistic in the story. She attacked Clementine after the boat explosion. Everyone thinks she'll attack her again. Mitch calls her a traitorous bitch and doesn't trust her to not stab Clementine in a conversation. There's even a point where it's mentioned that in the past she slapped Louis during a conversation. She just has a pissy attitude throughout the story but then berates herself for it and I just... I was going for a slow burn recovery that explores her trauma and ends with her reconciling with Clementine... but it doesn't come off that way? Some parts I think I executed better than others but most of it I look back at and say, "...No, past CJ, that doesn't read like you think it does...."

But that wasn't my only criticism I got about the way I wrote Violet, and this one is... a little complicated? And something most probably wouldn't take issue with or even notice unless you're a major Violet stan... but I pretty much gave Mitch [a character I loved at the time] a lot of Violet's canon character points and explored them more positively, then turned around and made Violet more antagonistic, which......yeeeeeah.

The only defense I have for this is it wasn't intentional. It really wasn't, but I understand and think it's a valid complaint. Like... I used to get these anons who would tell me this and I'd quietly delete them because, "...nope, not touching that. If I don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist."

Lemme explain: In my fics, Mitch is gay. He had feelings for his best friend and roommate, Justin, before he died to walkers, and Mitch hasn't trusted "gross feelings" ever since... until James shows up and Mitch has to face the fact that he has romantic feelings for him while not being completely over Justin...

...y'know, totally different from Violet who is gay, had feelings for Minerva before she "died," and hasn't trusted mushy feelings ever since... until Clementine shows up and Violet has to face the fact that she has romantic feelings for her while not being completely over Minerva....

It's surface level stuff since they are written differently, and it's not like you're not allowed to have more than one character with character beats like that, but it's enough of a similarity that I get why it would rub Violet lovers the wrong way. Especially since nothing about that is canon with Mitch's character, y'know? It's the character I gave him.

I don't think it was coming from the Violet crowd [the aggressively obnoxious fans no one likes], I think it came from people who were genuinely bummed or put off by my more antagonistic portrayal of her, only to see similar traits portrayed positively with Mitch.

And that bothers me. I do like the way I wrote Mitch, but I hate the way I wrote Violet. It's made me step back and analyze why I wrote them the way I did, y'know?

But the BIGGEST criticism from readers I've gotten?

[with you] is unfinished.... valid, but there isn't anything I can add that. Sorry y'all, it's discontinued, I'm never going to finish it.

The best I can give you is what I planned: a big wedding scene where Clementine and Louis exchanged vows and kissed. Violet showed up and made amends with Clementine. Clementine talked Mitch into dancing with her even though he hates dancing. Aasim tried to ask Ruby to dance, panicked, and asked Mitch instead who was like "...Fuck no, RUBY COME DANCE WITH AASIM!" Louis and Clementine left early to head back to their room and it probably would've ended with some sappy line about being together to the end.

So... there ya go? It's not a final chapter but that's the gist of what would've happened.

But moving on, I was also going through a lot of things in my personal life that I won't get into. I was working on other writing projects that I had more interest in, so [with you] was put on the backburner. Then, over time I grew more sour about it the more pressure and guilt I put on myself, added with the pressure and guilt put on by my readers.

I do want to clarify that it's not like ALL of my readers were like this. Most of them were sweet, supportive followers who only had nice things to say. But you know how it is... you could get ten comments/asks, nine of them positive and one negative, and it's the negative one that's going to stick to you.

So, to my lovely readers, I am sorry that I let you down by not finishing it. To the rude readers, I'm less sorry because y'all were dicks.

Y'know... I can look at all of my other works and either be like "Yeah, I'm really proud of that story," or "Eh, it was one of my earlier works, so I can't be too hard on it."

But [with you] puts me in a crisis of "oh god I'm a fraud, I was never a good writer, what am I doing??? why?? why are you like this??"

and I have to snap myself out of it. That's why I'm so like this about it now.

There are other little things I could go into, but this answer is long enough. I figure if anyone has any further questions or criticisms, they'll send 'em in and I can answer them that way.

I've moved on from all my twdg writing, I'm writing dragon age stuff now, and it's finally working for me so it's not like [with you] has me all hung up still. Plus, I think it's good to go back and learn from mistakes made in old works, y'know?

[softedgessculptures]

hi love! It’s been a while since we’ve spoken (far too long!) but I seen you on my dash earlier and I just wanted to stop in and check on you. You were on my mind today and then i saw a post of yours..I just wanted you to know that regardless of what’s been going on or what you’re feeling, you are a beautiful, amazing soul. I know how hard it is to pull yourself out of that dark space but it will get better. I can’t say that I know everything that you’ve been going through but I’m sending you so much love and good energy that things will improve. If you ever need anyone to talk to. If you need to vent or anything, my messages are always open. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. I hope you do something kind for yourself this week. Take care of yourself hon ❤️❤️❤️

Oiii, First of all, I want to thank you for taking the time to actually ask 🥺❤️ This is something very valuable today!!!!! Thank you very, very much!!!

Now I... It's normal for me to give those explosive and exaggerated reactions. I'm just so, so, so sorry for making you witness this!!!!! 😖😖 I kind of grew up used to the chaotic environment of fights in my home, so I blow up 🤯🤯🤯 and always regret it later. I've been a little stressed lately because of the introduction to college (adult life) and confusion when it comes to routine management with time, so I end up very tired and kind of discouraged.

I still try to manage my emotions and control them, but I unfortunately end up feeling them so strongly, and my thoughts are exaggerated as well. Discovering and currently studying about spirituality I'm a little confused... All I can think about is how much smarter and stoic I should be. I could be better!

However, despite this, please don't worry. Your soul and your heart is also extremely kind, humble, and sensitive to perceive me first of all. To see a follower and supporter of your writing, one among so many others, is wonderful and lovely. Thank you again very much dear!!! ❤️❤️🍒💕❤️🍒❤️❤️🐣🐥

I will still be able to manifest my dream life and learn to be patient. And about thinking about dying, it would be more about getting rid of my bad states and vibes because I still want to get married and travel, live a long life!

Again, thank you very much. I accept your help and when I need it, I'll know who to count on 🥰🤗💝

I also hope you're doing well in your life, eating well and writing aways! I wish you all the best also❤️❤️🎀💕💕 please stay fine and in what I can help you, i certainly will!!

[balillee]

my unpopular dsmp opinions, some of which genuinely should be popular

c!dream has crossed the moral event horizon and is irredeemable. once you cross that threshold, you're no longer a 'morally grey' character.

pre-recorded, heavily produced lore killed the lore. it was cool, sure, but you completely misunderstand the magic that the smp had when people watched it initially. the story is improv and that's how we like it. we can tell the cc's have lost interest in it, you can admit that to us, we'll understand, just stop lying to me.

c!dream's pov isn't necessary to understand his character or his motivations. if you've watched literally any c!primeboys stream he's basically spelled it out for you.

i don't understand how fans can dislike l'manberg or have claimed to be against it since the beginning. i honestly don't get it. what's so bad about wanting your own spot where you make your own rules and skirt accountability that has been used to technically oppress you before - and, before someone who never saw the earlier streams tries to disagree with this, the og l'manberg crew were imprisoned for shit that everyone else on the server was practically encouraged to do. also, what do you have against fun and happiness?

i think some of you forget that 'hybrids' aren't a thing, discounting c!ranboo. there's no piglin hybrids, c!techno is just a pig. there's no avian hybrids, c!phil is just a man with wings. there's no creeper hybrids, c!sam is just a creeper who's indecently exposed from the hips down. canonically there's no hybrids, and therefore no hybrid discrimination. people ran with that concept too much.

the loss and the fanon rewriting of the early lore up until pogtopia has ruined fandom perception of c!dream and the og l'manberg boys. c!tommy is more morally white than you think he is, and c!dream has always been a villain - he massacres and he kills and he destroys and he schemes and he always has broken his own rules. no wonder the boys wanted their own space after how they were treated.

i think ranboo oftentimes forgets his own lore. he brings stuff up that c!ranboo may have done, such as exploding the community house to frame c!tommy, holding onto Cat, and it goes absolutely nowhere. we've gotten all of these developments in his story but they have never been expanded on, and we're nowhere closer to figuring out his relationship to c!dream and what his other side is and honestly i see no hope that we'll be any closer to knowing even by the end of the year.

your characters don't all have to be morally grey for the story itself to be morally grey. this is fiction - some people can be nothing but evil and others can be nothing but good. being purely good or evil doesn't mean that you're one dimensional, either.

c!dream apologists have ruined c!dream for me. he's not a good person. how about you let me enjoy a villain for who he actually is, rather for than your percieved woobified ragdoll you pass off as c!dream.

the story was better when there was a central writer. it was brilliant back when wilbur wrote it to be that the environment drives the characters and the story, and it was really good in early s2 up until techno's execution day when it was more character driven. since then, the amount of autonomy people have over their characters without any central 'director', as it were, has been a detriment to the story overall. there needs to still be one overarching figure or director or writer.

not everyone is a main character. just because they have a pov, doesn't mean they're a main character. some characters have such little impact on the overall plot and describing everyone as a main character oversaturates the story and makes some characters seem more important than they are.

the egg lore had so much potential up until it didn't. all that built up threat that we were expecting and we still don't even know what the egg wants really other than just controlling people. does it hatch?

genuinely, if there's no major plot developments by the end of the year (and let's be honest, it's a very big possibility at this point), a few of the more prominent members of the server should do a podcast style stream talking about where the story would have gone, because at least then we would have gotten somewhat closer to a conclusion.

c!techno is a villain and an asshole and a bad person. he stops caring for people once their interests don't align with his or if they look at him funny. he makes meta-jokes about his own tyrannical and oppressive nature. stop taking that away from him. he's a bad person. cc!techno does a fabulous job portraying that in a comedic manner and the balancing of him being a deeply flawed person with deeply flawed morals and ideas with his comedically-portrayed stubbornness and lack of willingness to hear out opposing viewpoints is incredible. i want to like characters who are arseholes for the sake of being arseholes, and who refuse to take into account the hurt they've caused either out of self-righteousness or because they don't care, so let me. he's the anti-peacemaker, LET ME HIM ENJOY HIM FOR THAT!!!!

i think tommy and wilbur's way of doing lore is my favourite. relies heavily on improv, voice acting, sprite acting and facial expressions. really shows off the acting props and they pull off the emotional moments well for the insanity of the creative medium.

i'm not a fan of fan-music. i find songs about media i'm into difficult to listen to. coincidentally i'm also not a fan of shit like slam poetry or live music/musicals/pantomimes.

the death of l'manberg killed people's motivation to go on the server casually. i've talked about it more in depth before, but destroying what was a central, driving environment for the story killed momentum and motivation. imagine in an episode of she-ra, the princess alliance just nuke the freight zone and all of the members of the horde just have to deal with it. that would be shit.

until season 3 has some momentum, i'm counting the end of the smp as january 20th. that had a conclusion. season 3 has... whores, technoblade and tommyinnit. that's about it.

i wasn't a fan of the development of c!tubbo joining las nevadas. i preferred snowchester and the walled city conflict. give c!tubbo some backbone and some badassery. also tubbo where's the fucking nuke bro if you're shelving that plotline just tell us on like an alt stream what the plan was i beg

add like 2 or 3 new people to the server so that michael mcchill has someone to talk to and so that there's something always happening on the server. it gives the og's more motivation to return if things are happening in and out of canon and it'll help with momentum, and who knows? maybe they can write their own story/stories.

i really think that c!sam is an underrated character. he's multilayered, extremely interesting, and the dichotomy of his loyalty to his job and how far down the rabbithole that's taken him versus the genuine love he has for his friends that drives him to do what he does out of wanting to do right by them is brilliant. i don't talk about c!sam enough.

STOP HAVING FUCKING VILLAIN ARCS!!! I'M FUCKIN SICK OF IT!!!! i want to see more characters who see everyone else being absolute selfish, abhorrent cunts and go 'if nobody else is going to be a good person, i fucking will'. GIVE ME SOME MORAL WHITENESS!!! IT'S INTERESTING AND MORALLY GOOD CHARACTERS ARE FUN!!!

let tommyinnit build cobblestone towers. everyone bullied him too much for how ugly they were and the one he built outside of the prison looked genuinely really nice. it gives the boy something to do.

i'm a fan of the revive book and the canon lives system. don't ask me why, but i think it might just be the morbidity of it. it adds to c!dream's god complex persona, and i think the fragility of death itself is a really fun concept. not enough fan cc's have made connections with that and c!mumza, and it could make for cool fanfic.

ranboo your house is fucking ugly. it's an eyesore

c!niki, and to some extent now c!jack and c!fundy, are boring me and ruining my mood. i think c!jack is the closest to being an actually interesting sympathetic villain, mainly because nobody else seems to realise that c!niki is a villain. not a good one imo, but she's a villain. c!jack just has the problem of starting a new project over and over and over and over again and because of the slow in momentum for the primary cast, there hasn't been a lot of recent development for him.

not really a dream smp opinion, but if philza went full geordie accent, i would love it. i want him to, in canon, say shit like 'me n ye' instead of 'me and you' and use geordie dialect. i want him to be physically unintelligible because it's funny.

i don't really know what's up with c!foolish but i think he's a dumbass. he had a while to think about c!q's proposal and then changed his mind about joining the guy to admitted to letting him die just because. moron

i wish there was more c!eret lore. i wish he was an actual king with an actual kingdom and actual subjects and royal advisors. c!eret is far too fucking cool to be the king of nothing and nobody. fatten up the kingdom and the castle with people who work with c!eret, and don't just make it tyrannical and dictator-y to prove the point of the server's 'anarchists'. make it a healthy working environment, please - if you want moral greyness, have 'anarchists' who claim to care about the welfare of the server oppose a kingdom of happy people under a fair and just ruler because their ideologies clash.

the server needs more characters who oppose anarchy in more peaceful ways, or passively wish for systems to be a part of. i think a chaos vs order conflict ending only in mutual understanding where everyone understands that they should just leave each other alone would slot nicely into the story that's been created so far.

you need to have watched all of the previous arcs to understand the story. i've seen people argue that they don't need to know about earlier lore to understand the prison, but that's the equivalent of only watching the final season of pretty little liars and expecting to understand the context of what's going on.

some characters aren't that morally grey. some characters, take c!tommy for example, are definitely on the whiter side for the morality scale, he's just an asshole. he's abrasive and rude and a dickhead but he also doesn't agree with terrorism, he's patriotic, he strives for a better world, he's apologetic, but he's also a fucking BITCH.

you can add onto this if you want, but not if you're a c!dream apologist. nobody likes your opinions

[gimpfortetsurou]

Haikyuu characters catching their s/o coughing so hard it hurt their chest

Warnings: excessive coughing, cursing in Bokuto’s part,

Characters: Kuroo, Bokuto, gn!reader

Genre: fluff, angst to fluff in Bokuto’s part, comfort

a/n: Hi everyone, I’m Umi. This is my first work so please bear with me, hope you enjoy this! Oh and please tell me if I missed to put things in the warnings.

Kuroo Tetsurou

· You packed your things in your bag as soon as the school bell rang

· You made your way down the stairs and to the lockers to collect your things

· It was pouring outside but you forgot to bring your umbrella

· Your boyfriend, Kuroo was at volleyball practice and you did not want to disturb him so you opted to run in the rain until you reach your home

· You reached your apartment and took a shower so that you won’t get sick from being wet due to the rain and went to sleep immediately

You wake up the next day with a massive headache and an itchy throat. You sit up from your bed as you cough, and text your best friend that you won’t be able to go to school. “Must’ve gotten sick due to the rain yesterday” you mumbled. You went to grab some medicine to relieve your headache and went back to bed.

Meanwhile, Kuroo wondered why he didn’t see you in school the whole day so after classes he asked your best friend slash classmate as to why you were nowhere to be found. Your best friend told him that you weren’t feeling great because you ran home while it was raining cats and dogs yesterday. Hearing that, Kuroo ran towards your apartment while texting Kenma that he was going to miss practice.

Kuroo arrived at your apartment out of breath, he reached for the flower pot near your door remembering the secret compartment under it where you keep your key and opened the door. He took off his shoes and left his bag on your couch and silently made his way to your room. You were awake by the time Kuroo entered your house. You suddenly felt a massive itch in your throat so you coughed so hard that your chest started to hurt. Kuroo didn’t miss your coughing fit and rushed to enter your room only to find you coughing so hard while clutching your chest with beads of tears in your eyes. He hurriedly goes to your bed and sits near you, holding you near him as he runs his hand up and down your back hoping to alleviate the pain.

“i-it hurts so bad Tetsu” you whimpered in his embrace as you continue to cough in his arms

“I know baby, hang in there. I got you, I got you.” he responded as he continued to rub your back hoping the coughing would stop.

You continued to cough for a minute until the itch went away, thanking Kuroo as you sniffle.

“Tetsu?”

“Yes kitten?” he responded

“Not to be rude but don’t you have practice today?” you asked him

“I skipped because you weren’t in school. I asked your best friend and they told me you ran in the rain yesterday so I went here to check if you’re okay. Lo and behold, you were not okay.” He explained as he hugged you closer to him.

“Thank you Tetsu, for being here with me. ‘M sorry I didn’t tell you I wasn’t feeling well.” You told him weakly.

“It’s alright kitten, what matters is that I’m here and I’m going to help you be better ‘kay?”

“Okay Tetsu, I love you.” You confessed.

“I love you too kitten, more than the number of stars and planets combined. Now, drink some medicine for your cough okay?” He replied as he hands you a cough medicine which you immediately accept knowing that he won’t rest until you take the medicine.

Bokuto Koutaro

· You don’t even know why the fight blew out of proportion

· You know that you fought because of an umbrella

· A small matter that could be easily solved but here you are with your boyfriend Bokuto, fighting because you left your umbrella home

“Why the hell would I lend you my umbrella? Weren’t you always perfect!? You never forget anything, and even boss me around and remind me the mistakes I made!?” Bokuto shouted at you as you try to catch up to him with big strides towards the gym.

“I can forget things too, Kou. I am afterall, a fucking human being who can make mistakes!” you snapped at him for being so unreasonable.

“What about me?! I’m also human, so why do nit-pick every mistake I made!? I don’t fucking need you to mention every single thing that irked you! I am not a fucking idiot and I have a fucking brain that I can use! If you can’t accept that then get the hell away from me you fucking control-freak, don’t you dare talk to me.” he stated while trying to put some distance between you.

Control-freak. You haven’t heard that word for a very long time. The last time that word was used against you was when your ex broke up with you. You were too shocked to hear that from your boyfriend that you stood there motionless. You looked back to the moments you spent with your boyfriend and racked your brain to think if you ever pushed him too much that you come off as a control-freak.

You walked home as it rained on you, numb to the cold as you remember the memories you’ve had with Bokuto. You couldn’t remember a single moment where you pushed Bokuto too far, you only reminded him about the things that he could forget and told him some things that was not agreeable with you but you did not command him to follow you or anything. You reach your apartment soaking wet but that did not mind you, not one bit. The word your boyfriend used lingered, mind racing at the possibilities that might happen after that day.

Will he come here and talk things out?

Will he avoid me from now on?

Does he still love me?

Will he break up with me?

Your thoughts scared you so you just hopped in the shower and went to bed, wishing for the events that occurred to be a dream.

Akaashi witnessed the bickering that happened while he was on his way to the school gym. He saw how hurt you were and how you walked away, so he made sure to talk to Bokuto about this matter after practice. A few hours of practice went by and he approached Bokuto about the matter and after what seemed like forever, he managed to convince the captain to visit the apartment of his s/o. It was still pouring when they exited the gym so Bokuto whipped out the object of your fight, an umbrella.

While walking towards the direction of your home, he realized that the fight was pretty petty because of a simple umbrella. He realized that he shouldn’t have blown things out of proportion. He was coming from a place of insecurity since he was making simple mistakes often and you were always able to witness it so he was pretty embarrassed and insecure since you almost never make a mistake and it made him seem unreliable. Like how he used salt instead of sugar when the both of you were baking in your kitchen so the end product was absolutely salty.

He made a mental note to apologize to you when he reaches your house and make it up to you. After a few turns, he finally made it to your apartment. He brings out the spare key to your house which you gave him.

He takes off his shoes as he enters and goes straight to your room. He practiced how he was going to apologize to you as the distance between him and your door decreased. Mustering up the courage to face you and apologize, he finally opened the door.

He imagined every possible situation he could when he sees you while he was on his way walking to your apartment, but he did not picture you on the floor clutching your chest as you cough excessively. He swore his heart stopped when he saw you, but immediately snapped back and rushed to your side. He rubbed your back trying to ease the pain and hopes that it would make you stop coughing. You grabbed his shirt tightly as the pain you feel remain. Bokuto shushes you as you cried due to the pain, he hoped that it was him instead of you that was in pain.

“Kou, i-it hurts. H-help me, please.” You plead between your sobs as you grip his shirt tighter while trying to pull him closer to you.

“I’m here baby, I’m here. I’ll help you, shhhhh don’t cry angel.” He states as he alternates his actions from rubbing your back to patting it hoping that it would comfort you.

After a few minutes, your coughs died down. You were both drowned in silence that the only sounds you can hear were each other’s breathing and the sound of each other’s heartbeat.

“I’m so sorry baby, for what happened earlier.” Bokuto started.

“I know that what I said hurt you and that I was wrong for saying those things to you. You are not a control-freak. I know that you are just looking out for me because I can be forgetful sometimes. You don’t nit-pick the things that I do, I know that you just say honest facts to help me improve and so that I would not make the same mistakes twice. You are so thoughtful and you always look out for me and I love you for that.” He explains to you as you stay still in his embrace.

“I’m sorry too Kou, for snapping at you and making the argument blow up.” You answered.

“I love you so much angel.”

“I love you too, Kou.”

[gardenergulfie]

Emptober Day 6: Struggle

Rating: G

Word Count: 2639

Relationships: Geminitay & MythicalSausage

Characters: GeminiTay (Video Blogging RPF), MythicalSausage (Video Blogging RPF)

Tags: Mage Sibs, Post Corruption Mythical Sausage, Magic, Jealousy, When you swear off dark magic but also have a really hard time actually swearing off magic, plus one of your closest friends who killed you to save you is a mage, Sausage is not having a good day, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Relapsing, Dark Magic

Sausage remembered nights spent with these very books, trying to learn to cast. There was this one spell about appearance altering that Kid Sausage had always wanted to cast. He found that spellbook quickly, its dark navy cover a familiar sensation in his hands. Now that he had magic he really should try and cast him again, he’d just have to ask Xornoth-

Wait, no. Sausage didn’t do magic anymore. He’d sworn it off after being freed from Xornoth’s control. No matter how tempting it might be he wasn’t going back on his word. No more dark magic from Xornoth.

With no small amount of regret, he put the tome in the “Donate” pile. Some other more magically gifted kid would have a better use for it. Sausage continued to work, trying to keep his mind away from the thoughts of magic and spell casting. It was really hard, being in a tower filled with magic.

Emptober Day 6: Struggle

--

AO3 Link

Fic below the cut

It was a good day for Sausage. The feeling of heavy exhaustion that weighed on him constantly ever since he’d been revived was mercifully light today. It had been so light that he had felt good enough to visit Gem and help her with rearranging her tower library. She had a lot of books she didn’t ever read anymore so she was cleaning them out and donating them. She’d been a bit hesitant to ask him for help because of how recently he was revived and her worry of him overexerting himself but he’d convincer that he was fine! She’d been visiting him almost every day for the past week and seen his improvement herself. Besides, moving books around couldn’t be that hard. Gem chucked when he said that out-loud and said he would need to reevaluate that once he saw some of her tomes on the theory of magic.

He was at Gem’s tower now. He had ducked into the building right after arriving, not wanting to spend too much time around the outsides or in his own memory. Gem had greeted him cheerfully from where she was levitating books into two piles.

“Sausage! You made it!” She said, ending her spell and walking over to green him properly. She’d stopped infant of I’m, not sure what the right greeting was for a friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend. He solved that problem by giving her a big hug.

“Its good to see you too, Gem! I’m excited to get to work here! It’s been a while since I left Mythland.” He said excitedly. Gem extracted herself from his bone crushing hug.

“I’m really glad you could make it.” She said genuinely. Sausage felt the same hurt he’d get for most conversations with Gem over these past few days since his resurrection. He’d hurt her and yet here she was, having forgiven him and back to being his friend. It was bittersweet.

“Yeah! I’m excited to get to work here. Was getting restless being cooped up in my home. What should I start with?” Sausage asked as a distraction from his own thoughts. Gem tapped her chin, thinking for a bit.

“Well I need to go a reread my Astrology tones to see which ones I need to keep and which ones I can give away. While I do that, can you sort the tomes in the Illusion section via author? I only want to keep the ones by Mia L Kracklewisp. They’re the best Illusionist and honestly I really don’t use Illusion spells a lot so the other ones are just gathering dust.” Gem explained. Sausage nodded.

“Can do! Just watch, I’ll be done in no time.” He promised. Gem started walking over to a table with a large amount of books on it. She turned her head back to call out.

“If you need anything just ask! I’m just over here, turning my brain into jelly as I try and pick which Astrology books I want to keep out of a decades old collection. Why did I buy so many Astrology tomes?” She muttered to herself as she sat down.

Sausage got to work. It was easy finding the Illusion spell section, just follow the smell of citrus. Most illusionists added secret notes between the margins of their spell books in invisible ink and most of that ink was made with a lemon base. Sausage remembered when he was younger, holding pages up to candle light as he deciphered the hidden messages. He’d read most if not all of Gem’s magic related books in his youth. Sausage remembered nights spent with these very books, trying to learn to cast. There was this one spell about appearance altering that Kid Sausage had always wanted to cast. He found that spellbook quickly, its dark navy cover a familiar sensation in his hands. Now that he had magic he really should try and cast him again, he’d just have to ask Xornoth-

Wait, no. Sausage didn’t do magic anymore. He’d sworn it off after being freed from Xornoth’s control. No matter how tempting it might be he wasn’t going back on his word. No more dark magic from Xornoth.

With no small amount of regret, he put the tome in the “Donate” pile. Some other more magically gifted kid would have a better use for it. Sausage continued to work, trying to keep his mind away from the thoughts of magic and spell casting. It was really hard, being in a tower filled with magic.

When he finished sorting, he set the books down on Gem’s table with a heavy thump. Gem looked up from the tome on Advanced Cosmology and Lunar Spell-casting she was skimming through and met Sausage’s eyes.

“That was rather fast.” She said, looking at the pile of Illusion spell books on the table. “I must not have that many Illusion tomes.”

“You actually have a pretty good library of them. Most of them are just written by that one author you like so I left them there.” Sausage didn’t mention the fact that he knew exactly what author she liked and that he admired the spellwork they did. Better not to think about magic right now.

“Huh.” Gem said, peeking over Sausage’s shoulder to see the other, much larger pile of books behind him. “Well you’ve finished that task. It’s getting close to midday and I need to finish skimming this book before lunch. You’re free to do whatever you like until then.” She paused before continuing. “I know we’re having goat meat wraps with a chorus fruit pudding. There’s more than enough for two, if you’d like to stay for that.”

“Oh free food? Yeah I’ll stay.” Sausage responded before his brain could fully catch up. He was given free rein of the library while Gem was busy reading and he was trying not to think about magic. This was a bad combination. Gem went back to her reading and Sausage started walking around. He wasn’t looking at the book titles, merely moving around as to distract himself better. It really wasn’t working. Sausage was seeing books labeled “Conjuring Cakes: a Guide to Summoning Edible Food” and “Moss, Lichens and Molds: the Most Fabulous Herbology spells” and “Boommaking: How to Crush Your Enemies with Explosive Magic” (he was pretty sure that last one was a gift from fWhip). He found himself grabbing interesting tomes as he went, ones that would be useful to Mythland or just plain fun for him. Reading them couldn’t hurt, he’d read most of them before. He just needed something to past the time.

Sausage curled up in an armchair with his pick of tomes on the table beside him. He quickly lost himself in the spellwork, reading about complicated equations and runes. It was all great stuff but very familiar. Sausage remembered spending hours with Gem reading these kinds of books while fWhip was out tinkering. The two of them would curl up together to read these thick tomes after school. They both would dream about magic and what they would do when they could cast.

Of course, only one of them got that ability in the end. Gem had been blessed and Sausage had been left behind, no spark of magic in him at all. While Gem trained under the greatest mages in the world, Sausage was stuck rereading the same books, knowing that he’d never be able to cast these spells. It had made him so angry and bitter then and he could feel those emotions rising up again. It wasn’t fair that Gem got lucky while Sausage didn’t. Sausage deserved that magic just as much as Gem did.

Sausage looked back down at the page he wad reading, the paper showing a spell of levitation, the same spell Gem had been using earlier. Sausage remembered how easy casting had been under Xornoth’s control. Even before he was fully taken over, Sausage had been given a book of dark magic that even someone with no inane magic ability could use. There had been a levitation spell in there too.

Sausage wasn’t supposed to cast anymore, he swore off magic, even going so far as to give Gem the Great Staff of Mythland, the one other thing that let Sausage use magic. He was powerless now because he had been corrupted by that power before. He knew he wasn’t supposed to use dark magic anymore but he just felt so angry now. One spell wouldn’t hurt. Just a simple dark magic spell, not even calling on Xornoth, a spell of his own power.

Sausage started mumbling the incantation under his breath. His blood felt warm, uncomfortably so, but the book in his hand began to rise. There was a sound, the sound of someone’s surprised shout, but Sausage hear it fully, too caught up in the magic. He laughed loudly in joy. He’d done it! The powerless Mythlander still could cast magic! He wasn’t even using Xornoth’s power, not really. Even with his blood burning, he still felt too much glee.

“-age! Sausage! SAUSAGE!” He turned around to see Gem, anger at her for interrupting him fading away when he saw her face. She was holding her staff in front of her, magic beginning to swirl around it, and her fave showed only fear. Fear that he’d lost it again, fear that the demon was back, fear that she’d have fight him again.

The force of his guilt hit Sausage in that moment and he dropped the spell. He’d done what he wasn’t supposed to. He’d used magic and scarred the one person who’d forgiven him, the person who killed him to save him. What had he done?

“Gem… I…” Sausage stuttered out, trying to explain himself before stopping. There was nothing he needed to explain, nothing that could excuse his actions. He’d broken his own rule of no magic and it was his own fault.

“I’m going to go outside.” He said, standing up. Gem’s eyes followed him as he walked to the door, only able to shake the fear away and call out after him when he was already outside. Sausage hoped onto the mountain popper and started walking through the snow. He avoided the hatchery, Gem certainly wouldn’t want him anywhere near it after the scene he’d just made. His boots crunched against the icy snow as he just walked. Eventually he grew weary and had to sit down, the exhaustion catching up tp him again. He sat there on a rock for a while, just feeling upset and mad at himself.

“Sausage?” Gem had finally found him, the faun wizard walking up to him. When he turned to face her she stopped, seeing his face. He hadn’t been crying but he was sure that he didn’t look great. The negative effects dark magic have on the body was surely not doing him any favors either. The two of them stood in silence for a bit, neither of them speaking or moving closer or farther away from the other.

“….what was that back there? You were just reading and then suddenly you were casting dark magic. Did the book do something to you? Was Xornoth controlling you again?” Gem asked hesitantly, still nervous to speak. Sausage took a deep breath in. Alright then, he would explain. She deserved an explanation.

“No Gem it won’t either of those things. It was just me.” He started. “I was just caught up in all the magic, all the things you can do that I can’t and I felt angry. I let that anger influence me into make a bad decision. I broke my promise. I said no magic and yet i still cast magic, even worse dark magic.” Sausage hung his head. “Its just so hard when I see you doing it so easily and I know that I can too if I just break my promise and give in.”

Gem listened to his admission, understanding crossing her face. “It must be hard, knowing that you can do it but not letting yourself. How long have you been holding that back? How long have you wanted to cast dark magic after you promised not too?” Gem asked, sitting down next to him. Sausage thought of the weeks since his revival, of the habitual casting of magic and only just managing to stop himself, the constant thoughts that everything would easier if he just let himself do magic, the childhood daydreams of him turning into a mage that he had repressed long ago returning in full force. Honestly it was a miracle that he hadn’t given into his urges before this and also that he’d been able to stop so easily.

“I’ve wanted to do magic forever, my whole life. When I finally could, I used it whenever I could. When I was cured, I promised that I wouldn’t do it anymore. But honestly, I still wanted to do it.” He explained. “There were so many moments where I barely managed to stop myself form using it! It’s been calling to me ever since I tried to give it up. Every day I go without it makes me want it more. And I know it’s bad, I know it has horrible side effects and could put me back under the control of Xornoth but even still I still want to use it!” Sausage’s voice raised as he grew heated about this. Gem listened, always nonjudgmental.

“It isn’t going to be easy to just stop using magic. There’s been stories of mages who start using it and can’t bring themselves to stop, not for long. But there have also been stories of mages who have been ale to give it up, this is something you can do Sausage. This bothers you, not being able to cast magic, and you feel like you can’t fight it. But you can!” Sausage watched as Gem spoke. Normally Gem talking about his struggles with magic and her encouraging him came off as bossy and made him upset, but he wasn’t upset now. It seemed that Gem really wanted to help him. “We can find people to help keep you accountable, stop you from relapsing. We’ll remind you of how well you’re doing and how far you’ve come. We’ll try and figure out other solutions to your problem of wanting to use magic. We don’t have to rely on dark magic and you don’t have to swear off all magic, we can find something that works for you. I couldn’t find a way to help you do magic in the past but I’m stronger now. We can do this. You don’t have to struggle alone.” Gem’s voice was filled with determination and passion. Sausage fully believed that she’d try and help him. He really didn’t deserve this, not after he hurt her so much. Sausage pulled Gem in for another hug, giving her a tight squeeze that he hoped conveyed everything he was feeling that he just couldn’t say. Gem hugged him back.

“This really means a lot, Gem, thank you.” Sausage said honestly as he released Gem from the hug and stood up. He helped the shorter faun to her feet as she spoke.

“Of course! You’re my friend! I was to help you!.” Sausage felt the same bittersweet emotions he kept feeling but this time they leaned more towards sweet. She’s right, he wasn’t alone. Maybe he could fix what he messed up.

“Yeah.” Sausage said. “Now that the emotional talk is over, can we go back and get lunch? You said they were going to have goat meat wraps and I am so hungry for those right now. I might even just grab a wild goat and eat it right now.” Gem laughed at Sausage’s joke and together the two them headed back towards the tower

[hoedorokishoto]

Trust - Part 1

Shoto Todoroki x Reader 

+ Minors DNI

| part | next

“You know, if you just stopped getting kicked in the head, I wouldn’t need to fix your gear all the time.” I said, my hands running over the smooth metal of Hitoshi’s voice modulator. Different from the first one I had made him 2 years ago; small changes being made to help your best friend become the best hero he could be.

“Maybe I miss hanging out with you. You are worth a swift kick to the head.” He said from behind me, walking around the room as he spoke. Looking at the various machines, weapons, and other projects I was working on in the workshop. I laughed at his response, shaking my head as I screwed the missing panel back into place.

“You flatter me.”

Hitoshi Shinso had been your best friend since before both of you were even born. Your dad and his parents, living next to each other since their early 20’s, experiencing drunken nights, sad days and the trials of parent hood together. So in turn you and Toshi had done everything together. First steps, first words and first days of school.

“I saw you and Mr Aizawa on TV.” I said beaming, the thought of him realising his dreams and making them a reality enough to make my heart soar.

“Oh yeah, it was pretty weird. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Neither will Mr Aizawa.”

“Lucky you guys are so chatty.”

It was him who laughed this time, coming up next to me and hugging me into his side. I did miss him, his hero work and my support work taking up much of whatever spare time we had. Especially being 3rd years, our futures looming over us even more, having to make final decisions about our future. Gone were the days of dressing up as our favourite heroes and running around our homes catching our parents who pretended to be villains. Now all I seemed to think about where internship offers and upcoming exams, mathematic equations often overtaking my thoughts even in my dreams.

The gear didn’t need much fixing just a loose panel and a few scratches, something easy that I could fix in a matter of minutes.

“Good as new!” I said, holding up the voice modulator and admiring my handy work, then passing it back to Hitoshi.

“You’re the best Y/N, ramen is on me next time.” Hitoshi said, winking and taking the equipment from me. Placing it over his face and making the necessary adjustments.

The workshop was surprisingly quiet, usually filled with the noise of machines and steel clanging together. The music usually turned up to max volume as the other support course students worked on support gear for other heroes. Hatsume clearly wasn’t here because it had been a whole 3 hours with no explosions nearby.

“So how is Kaibara?” Toshi asked, quirking his purple eyebrow at me. I rolled my eyes at his question, stepping around him and back over to my tool bench.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?”

“Well I only ask because you seem to know him a lot better than I do. Intimately I would say.”

“Ew, don’t say intimately. Are you 95 years old?” I said, faking chills and a look of disgust on my face.

Sen and I weren’t dating, I didn’t want to date him but the time we did spend together proved effective in helping relieve the everyday stress of living at UA and being a Hero Support student. The sex was good, and he was handsome, always considerate of me and never did anything I was uncomfortable with. The more I thought about it, the more perfect he seemed. He very well might be, but just not for me. There was never any substance behind my feelings for him beyond the attraction to sleep with him. If we did interact outside of the bedroom it was purely platonic, just friends and nothing more. As bad as it sounded, I was using him for personal benefit and nothing more.

"He talks about you a lot.”

I looked into his eyes and flipped my hair, a cocky grin overtaking my features.

“Well… what can I say?”

“Not like that you weirdo, he asks a lot of questions. He wants to know more about you.” Hitoshi laughed, slapping my arm, scratching the back of his neck.

“Do you guys not talk?”

“Why would we need to?” I asked, not quite understanding the question. My back to Hitoshi now, tidying my workstation as I waited for his answer. We knew what we needed to know about one another, our names, birthdays, and a few general things but beyond that it seemed irrelevant.

“I think he likes you.”

“Well I hope he does he puts his penis inside me Hitoshi.”

“You know that isn’t what I meant. He like likes you.”

I stilled; my back still turned towards my friend. My view of relationships was always clouded by indifference. I could blame it on the fact that my parents didn’t work out or I could blame it on my preferences, hell I could even blame it on my star sign. Whichever excuse I chose I always knew that deep down I knew that relationships would never work, and people were better off alone, if I didn’t fully give someone my heart there is no way that they could rip it out of my chest and step on it. I would never put myself in that situation.  

“That sounds like his problem, not mine.” I said coldly, picking up my bag and heading to the door, hopefully hearing the end of this conversation.

“Ramen is on you remember. I’m hungry.”

Without another word I flicked off the light by the door and headed out of the workshop, Hitoshi picking up speed to walk beside me, not saying another word.

                                                                *

The walk back to UA was always killer, that dam hill being the bane of my existence for the last 3 years. The silence was almost deafening, I could feel Hitoshi holding something back. Wanting to say something, something about the conversation earlier no doubt.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I can feel you being gloomy, more so than usual. It’s irritating.”

Hitoshi sighed, rubbing his eyes with one of his hands. Shaking his head as he stopped.

“I want you to be happy! Is that so wrong? What’s wrong with Kaibara?”

“If you like him so much why don’t you date him.”

“I don’t want to make jokes!” He said, stepping past me, and continuing up the hill.

“Why is this so important to you? You’ve never really cared before.” I asked, jogging to catch up to him. He didn’t answer, he just linked our arms and continued up the hill. Pushing whatever he was feeling down and sealing it away.

“Denki is having a party in the 3A dorm this weekend. Wanna come?” Hitoshi asked changing the subject and tightening his arm around mine.

“Mr Aizawa is allowing that?”

“Yeah, apparently it will be good for us to blow off some steam before the school year really kicks off. His words not mine.”

He sensed my hesitation.

“Hatsume is going to be there, she even convinced IIda to go.” He said raising his eyebrows.

“Wow, that is impressive.” I said matter of factly, nodding my head. The class rep of the 3A was known for being a real stickler for the rules. Keeping everyone in order and always being the epitome of a model student. Bless his soul, but he wasn’t really the party type. The picture of him in that environment was enough to convince me to go.

“Please, who is going to help me stop Denki from being an idiot?”

“Literally any of his other friends?”

“Yeah but you are so pretty, and he is a simp.” Toshi said matter-of-factly.

“Fine, but if I don’t see Tenya do his little arm thing at least once then I’m gonna be so mad at you.” I said giggling and tightening his arms once more.

“I can guarantee it, it will be Denki and a party. It’s like you don’t even know him.”

                                                               *

Me and the rest of class 3H had been instructed to be at Ground Gamma for a joint training session between 3A and 3B, the hero support students were to observe and help with gear whenever needed. Taking notes on current gear and seeing where adjustments were needed. As the future heroes got better at handling their quirks and being in tense situations some fights ended with a lot of damage. Whether it be to the heroes themselves or their gear, that’s where we came in.

I always seemed to forget just how big the facilities at UA really were, most of the grounds built to look like entire blocks of actual cities. Ground Gamma was made up of various exposed pipes and machinery, the combination giving a labyrinth affect perfect for heroes to improve theirs fighting skills in tight spaces.

Watching them was impressive, just how far they had come in a few short years was a credit to just how hard they trained every day. I felt safe and content knowing that these people were going to be patrolling the city one day and keeping people safe.

“Hey stranger!” a voice yelled in the distance, Sero’s tall body coming into view as he walked closer to me. Denki and Toshi following closely behind.

“Afternoon.” I said, saluting the boys as they got closer, standing on either side of me examining the work bench and tools that we had set up before anyone else arrived.

“How is my favourite little nerd?” Denki asked, nudging my arm with his and hugging me.

“I’m good, excited to see you guys train today.”

“Aw babe, prepare to be amazed!” Denki said, winking at me, his arm still slung around my side.

“Y/N could watch me burp the alphabet and be more impressed.” Hitoshi said sarcastically.

“You guys are so harsh.” He replied, clutching his hand to his chest and feigning sadness.

The group laughed as I turned around and prepared for this afternoon’s events. Ready to take notes and sketch new designs. The students had started filling up the platform, sitting in the groups they had been assigned, discussing the best plans of attack depending on their quirks.

“Everyone gather around!”

“Today will be a bit different, after today’s exercise we will be assigning you with new support students based on where we think the heroes need improvement and previous projects from the support course students. We will also be looking at your scheduled internships and work studies and matching you based on that so we can get all heroes and their gear to the best they can be before graduation.” Mr Aizawa said, commanding the attention of everyone on the platform. He wore his usual nonchalant expression, hair down and hands in his pockets.

Everyone talked amongst themselves about the recently learned information. As of right now I worked on Bakugo, Uraraka and Hitoshi’s costumes and support gear. The first two hero costumes were my entrance exam task, getting a rough design, a file on both students and their quirks and having to design according to that. Now making adjusts when needed or wanted. The most recent addition was two earpieces for Bakugo to reduce the noise of his explosions but still allowing him to hear regular noise, so he didn’t lose any sense while fighting. In hopes that his explosions wouldn’t damage his hearing anymore than it already had.

New projects were always welcome, in hopes of keeping my grades high before graduation. Hero Agencies always quick to offer students internships based on good grades and successful support gear.

“So to get this started, give it your best and good luck!” Allmight finished, the first two groups of students heading to their assigned bases to start training.

                                                             *

The training finished, class A’s teams winning the most training battles and celebrating accordingly. Cheering and hugging each other. My notebook already full of notes and sketches for potential changes and brand-new designs.

“Everyone please look up at the screen and look at who you have been given as your support students. There will be no changing so no complaining.” Aizawa said, already walking off the platform. Probably to wrap himself up in his sleeping bag.

There in large blue writing was my name.

Y/N Nanase – Hitoshi Shinso, Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki

I looked over at the student who was newly assigned to me, there Shoto Todoroki was in all his half and half glory. One blue eye and one dark grey already staring back at me.

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Meant To Be Yours | Luke Patterson

A/N: this is for all the Heathers fans and Musical Theater lovers out there! I was listening to the soundtrack today and realized how incredibly good Luke would be at singing meant to be yours...  Nobody asked for this but... Here ya goooo! 

Pairing: Luke Patterson x Musical Theater Program!reader 

Warnings: angst, fluff, minor swearing 

Words: 5,470

Being a Musical Theater fan and in Los Feliz High’s Musical Theater program has never made Y/N very popular with her peers. Besides her friends at the Musical Theater program and Julie and Flynn, she never really had many people taking as much as a glance at her. None of that really improved when she and Luke started dating. No one believed she was dating the cute hologram band member from Julie and The Phantoms. Thank God they don’t know the truth. Dating a ghost would get her twice the bullying. 

The first time she saw them was when the boys performed ‘Bright’ with Julie at the spirit rally about three months ago. Julie had never told Y/N she played with a hologram band, and though Flynn was upset about it, Y/N just found it incredibly confusing. Julie would’ve told her and Flynn about a hologram band. There must be something else that she’s not telling her, she figured. Something just doesn’t add up about the whole story. And after an entire night of lying awake in bed, she heads to Julie’s garage before school the next day , finding the three hologram band boys there, hanging around together. 

She glances from the cute guy behind the drums, to the other with the flannel, to finally land on the -- in her opinion -- cutest of the three with the orange beanie covering most of his dark hair, trying to connect the dots. “Oh, hey, Y/N,” Julie greets when she enters the garage, making Y/N snap out of her thoughts. “Dad told me he saw you walk into the studio.” She glances at the boys, trying her hardest to pretend they’re not even there. “So… Are you going to tell me why your hologram band is in your garage?” Julie’s eyes widen at this question, then dart to each of the boys, who look about as confused as her. “Y-you can see them?” Julie stutters, trying to figure out what’s happening. “Yes? Am I not supposed to?” Y/N’s eyes dart over to the boys again as they gather closer towards the two girls. “Why are you all looking at me like that?” She’s growing more and more nervous. Maybe she has something on her face. “You better sit down for this one,” Julie gently pushes her down on the armchair before standing in front of her with the boys behind her. “They’re ghosts… They died in 1995 when they ate some bad hot dogs and I’m pretty much the only one that can see them… Except for you, apparently.” Y/N tries her hardest to understand what’s happening right now. Those three boys are ghosts. And she can see them. She can see three ghosts. “I knew the hologram story was bullshit,” she finally manages to bring out after a couple of seconds of silence. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I didn’t want you to think I’d gone completely crazy…” Y/N lets a small smile shine out. She’d been there for Julie when she’d lost her mother and Julie  had been there after Y/N’s grandmother had passed away too. “You know my grandmother used to be in this voodoo crap when she was alive, I would’ve believed you if you’d just told me.” The two girls chuckle at this, remembering the times Y/N’s grandmother used to babysit the two after school and she’d tell them these stories about ghosts and witches and voodoo. Back then, the girls used to giggle at them and mimic Grammy Dottie on their sleepovers. “I know, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you…” Julie takes Y/N’s hands in hers, pulling her up on her feet again. “Will you forgive me?” Y/N pretends to think about it before nodding, the two of them giggling as they embrace. Y/N’s eyes then land on the boys behind her. “You might wanna introduce me to your band though,” she whispers in her best friend’s ear. “Right,” Julie lets go of Y/N and turns to face the boys. “Boys, this is Y/N Y/L/N. My best friend since diapers, pretty much. Y/N, this is my band.” “I’m Reggie!” the boy in the flannel raises his finger, “Hi!” He gives her the most excited smile, followed by a little wave. Y/N returns the favor. “I’m Alex,” the blonde guy she’d seen behind the drums earlier, takes his turn to introduce himself. Y/N let out a soft ‘hi’ before looking over at the last member. The one in the orange beanie. The one with the gorgeous, tender  hazel eyes and the soft smile plastered on his face.  He doesn’t introduce himself at first, it takes Reggie nudging him with his elbow before he flinches back to earth. “I-I’m Luke….” A faint blush creeps onto his cheeks. “It’s very nice to meet you, boys,” she says to all of them, but keeps her eyes on Luke. There’s something about him that attracts her eyes to him. Maybe it’s the smile or the eyes. Or the arms. But just maybe there’s something about this vibe he’s giving off. This kind-hearted, passionate, excited vibe that makes him so much more attractive. Just something about the way he carried himself with so much humbled confidence. There was just something about Luke. 

Though Y/N found it weird at first, having a crush on a ghost, she couldn’t stop her brain from thinking about him or her heart from beating faster every time he was near. Julie and Flynn even noticed her drawing hearts in her notes from class, and humming love songs in the hallways. They couldn’t keep themselves from teasing you about it either. “Back on Cloud Luke, Y/N?” Flynn makes her snap  out of her thoughts when Julie and her join Y/N at the lunch table. A scarlet tint crawls onto her cheeks as she subtly hides the ‘LP’ doodles she’d drawn in her musical script. “What?! No!” she yelps out a little too defensively. “I don’t have a crush on Luke, you guys. I don’t know where you get your information…” she chuckles nervously before sipping from her drink. Flynn and Julie exchange glances. “Exhibit A,” Julie starts and tugs the script from underneath Y/N’s arm. “Your billions of doodles of hearts and his initials in your script and notes.” Flynn whips out her phone, opening Twitter on Y/N profile. “Exhibit B,” she stars, and shows her friend the last few tweets, “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams,” She dramatically reads out the most recent one. “And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't wanna go home right now.” “That last one is a great song,” Y/N points out. “Sure, but you never Tweet any quotes or song lyrics unless you’re truly feeling it,” Julie reasons. Y/N knows her friends are right. She does have a crush on Luke but she doesn’t want to admit she’s crushing on a ghost. A ghost. Made of air. “You can’t deny there’s chemistry between the two of  you, Y/N. You’ve been inseparable since day one. Plus, he’s hella cute,” Flynn states. Y/N’s lips curl up into a smile at this. “Just remember he’s made out of air,” Julie adds, making all three of them chuckle. “Cute air,” Y/N retorts with a shrug. Flynn places a hand on hers, making her look up at her friend. “Just don’t get hurt, okay? It’s clear the two of you are mad for each other.” Y/N’s eyebrows furrow at this in confusion. “Luke doesn’t feel the same for me. Who would ever fall in love with the Musical Theater Nerd?” Her voice lowers, as does her head as she stares at her fidgeting hands on the table. “Uh, have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror? Ever?” Julie exclaims, almost angrily. “You are so gorgeous, Y/N,” Flynn chimes in with affirmation. “You have a killer body,” Julie continues. “A killer voice,” Flynn goes on. “And  you are so hilarious. Luke would be really stupid if he didn’t see that!” Y/N can’t help but smile at these compliments. Julie and Flynn always know how to cheer the girl up. “Just talk to him tonight after rehearsals.” Y/N nods her head, inhaling slowly. That night, Julie, Reggie and Alex quickly left after rehearsals, each with another excuse just so the two love birds could be alone. Y/N rolled her eyes at that, turning back to her script. Luke places his guitar in its stand before joining the girl on the couch, swatting away the script from her lap, and lying down with his head in her lap instead. She doesn’t say anything, but just lets him do whatever he feels comfortable doing. She’s now holding her script in one hand, resting it on his chest, while her other goes to his hair. It’s become an automatism for her to do that. Whether he was lying in her lap or they were just sitting next to each other, she always found her fingers tangling up in his hair. Ever since figuring out she could touch the guys, Luke has been very clingy towards her, asking for cuddles or grabbing her hand and playing around with the rings around her fingers or the bracelets around her wrists. “What are you doing?” he asks, looking at the script. “Preparing for the audition for the new musical next week,” she replies without taking her eyes off the script. The boys knew the girl could sing, and they often let her talk about her favorite musicals even though they had no clue about any of them since they’d come out after they died. “Which one is it?” he asks, his fingers running up and down her arm that’s resting on his chest. “Heathers,” she replies, “It’s based on the movie from the 80’s, do you know that one?” “Yeah, I think I watched it with Alex and his sister,” he replies, “They made a musical from that?” Y/N nods her head, her eyes glancing at his. He’s on his back, looking up at her. “Please, tell me you’re not going for one of the Heathers, though?” She shakes her head with a giggle. “Good, because I didn’t really like either of them in the movie.” “None of their parts are really in my range. I’m going to audition for Veronica.” He nods his head slowly, trying to remember which character that was. “The part Winona Ryder played in the movie.” He let out a whispered ‘aaaaaah’. “It’s a pretty big role, so I doubt I’ll actually get it.” Luke frowns at this, and sits up to face her with a disapproving scowl on his face. “You’re insanely talented, Y/N! If they don’t cast you as Veronica, they’re just crazy!” She smiles at his compliment. “Thanks, Luke…” she trails off a little, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “There are just so many talented people in the Musical Theater Program that I doubt they’ll pick me instead of them.” She chuckles at her own pathetic behavior. “It’s lame, I know…” He reaches for her hand when these words roll out of her mouth, capturing her attention again. “It’s not lame, Y/N. I get insecure sometimes too! Sometimes, I get these bouts of anxiety where I think our band will never be good enough for the music industry or for any manager to ever take us on. I sometimes think our songs aren’t good enough, or I’m not good enough. It’s normal, I think.” His words do make her feel a little better. “You just need someone to tell you otherwise and get those ugly thoughts out of your pretty head,” he taps her temple softly twice, making her giggle. “That’s really comforting, Luke, thank you…” She offers him a thankful smile whilst ignoring this gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach. She wants to kiss him so badly, and judging from his eyes darting from her eyes to her lips and back, he’s thinking the exact same thing. She leans in a little, her head tilting and eyes fluttering. Butterflies erupt in her stomach as she catches Luke to do the same. They’re inches away when Carlos abruptly opens the garage doors, making the two of them jump away. The little boy’s eyes widen when he finds his sister’s best friend on the couch, cheeks reddening. “Oh, hey, Y/N. I didn’t know you were still here,” he chuckles awkwardly. Y/N knows why he’s here though. He likes to use the bathroom in the back, especially for all his number two’s. “Yeah, I was uh… Rehearsing for my audition next week,” she holds her script up in the air as proof. “You need the garage, don’t you?” He shoots her an awkward, toothy smile, which is enough for Y/N to know that he needs it for the exact reason he always needs it. “All right, I’m gone…” She glances at Luke whilst reaching past him for her backpack. “Meet me outside,” he tells you before poofing out. You do as told after saying goodbye to Carlos and leaving the garage where you find Luke sitting on the rock near the stairs to the house. She walks up a few of the stairs, so she’s on his eye-level. “I have an idea. If you want, I could help you rehearse some songs and dialogue? I could even ask the boys to help out?” She can’t withhold a smile at this suggestion of his. “You don’t know any of the music, though?” she fairly points out. “We’ll do our homework,” he replies with a grin. “Trust me, Y/N. We’ll be able to help you prepare for this audition, I promise!” Without thinking twice about it, she reaches up and kisses him on the cheek and whispers a thank you in his ear before turning on her heel and leaving the boy flustered on the rock. You didn’t talk to him like you’d promised Julie and Flynn. But at least now you know he kind of feels the same. 

The first kiss happened during the first rehearsal they planned in preparation for the audition. It’s after the Julie and The Phantoms rehearsal. Y/N’s on the couch, waiting for them to finish while going over some lines and lyrics, though her eyes often diververt to Luke. He watches her too, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He can’t wait to start rehearsing with her. When he told the boys about helping Y/N out with her audition, the boys had given him knowing glances. They told him he had to do something about this obvious crush he had on her. They often teased him about kissing her, even during their rehearsals when they caught the two looking at each other with desire in their eyes. “Are you ready, Y/N?” Reggie asks when the rehearsal with Julie finishes. His voice makes her avert her eyes from Luke’s, clearly far away on Cloud Luke. “Mmh?” she hums, not having registered his question until she repeats it in her mind, “Oh, yeah!” She gets up from the couch to join the boys at their instruments whilst Julie sits down on the couch instead. She offers Y/N an encouraging grin, excited to hear her sing again. Julie and Flynn were always the ones on the front row during any of the musicals the Theatre Program put on. They were there when Y/N played Chris in Carrie, and when she played Janice in Mean Girls. That last one was Julie’s favorite role she’d ever seen Y/N in. “We listened to the entire soundtrack last night, Julie showed us,” Alex informs his friend excitedly, proud he’s so informed on the musicals from the last decade. “We listened to the Broadway version and the West End version, so just tell us what you wanna do.” “I’m kind of stuck between these two songs to do for my audition. I wanna do I Say No, from the West End version because it showcases my range really well. But I also wanna do Seventeen because it’s my favorite, though I’m gonna need a person to duet with.” She can’t hide the fact that she wanted to duet the song with Luke, even though he can’t join her on the audition. Because one, you can only audition with someone from the program, and two… Luke is dead. “Let’s try the first one first?” Reggie suggests, looking over at Y/N. “Sure, you guys know the chords?” she asks the two with the guitars. They both nod before starting to play, Alex joining in with the drums too. Y/N grabs Julie’s white microphone after silently asking for her permission, which she granted by nodding her head. “You are a drug You are a poison pill I've got to kick this habit now Or else I never will I loved the rush When you would hold me close But you will not be satisfied Until I overdose” Julie has always admired how she can switch off from the world around her and get into character so quickly. The passion in her eyes and facial expressions are convincing, to say the least. “This is it Hit the brake I am finally awake Let me be Let me go You need help I can't provide I am not qualified This troubled teen is getting clean I say no” “Veronica, who else is gonna be-” Y/N’s eyes widen for a second when Luke chimes in with JD’s line in the song. But recomposes herself and turns to him completely, singing the next part to him. “No, no, no, no! Don't say a word You speak and I cave in You'll twist the truth again And drill deep down beneath my skin You said you'd change And I believed in you But you're still using me to justify the harm you do” She turns to Julie again, as if speaking to the audience like she would in the play. This leaves Luke a bit disappointed. He keeps his eyes on her, a smile tugging at his lips as he admires her. “This is it Hit the brake Call it all my mistake Long as you let me go You need help I can't provide I'm not Bonnie You're not Clyde It's not too late I'm getting straight I say no” Julie gets up from the couch and moves to the keyboard to back up with some softer tones for the bridge as the boys stop playing their instruments, whilst Y/N turns to Luke again. Imagining him as Jason Dean would be a terrible idea, but she’s going with it. “Blame your childhood, blame your dad Blame the life you never had But hurting people? That's your choice, my friend” The boys join in with their instruments again, building up the rest of the bridge. “'Cause I believe that love will win And hate will earn you nothing in the end This is the end” Luke looks at her in admiration and so much love, and decides to say JD’s line, though with a softer touch. “But I love you!” Y/N almost believes it, but recomposes herself, remembering the role she’s supposed to play and withhold during an entire musical. “Dude” She steps away from him while the boys sing the chorus along with her. “This is it I won't cry Starting now, I will try To pay back All the karma I owe Start again Somewhere new Far from cold guys like you So goodbye 'Cause now I I say no Just in time I say no Somehow I'm saying no Just say no I say no No!” The boys stop playing as Y/N lowers her microphone, panting from the last high notes she had to hit, and hit flawlessly. Reggie and Alex exchange glances with Julie while Luke simply stares at Y/N, a content sigh leaving his body. “That was so good!” Reggie makes Y/N snap out her thoughts -- like why Luke’s ‘I love you’ sounded so real. “I got ghost bumps!” He shows his arm even though it’s covered by his leather jacket. Y/N chuckles, biting down her lip nervously. “Let’s do the other one,” Alex then suggests, “Which was that? The duet, right?” Y/N nods her head slowly as nerves course through her body. She knows Luke’s going to want to play JD, like he’s done in the previous song too. “Luke, are you up for it?” The words roll off her lips before she allows them to. He nods his head eagerly, making the others chuckle, knowing why. They’d talked about this song last night, the boys teasing Luke by telling him he should probably learn this by heart if he wants to conquer Y/N’s heart. Y/N nods at Alex, who counts them in before hitting his drums, Julie and Reggie joining in with their instruments when needed. Y/N turns to face Luke, getting into the character of Veronica Sawyer again. “Fine! We're "damaged" Really "damaged" But that does not make us "wise" We're not "special", we're not "different" We don't choose who lives or dies Let's be normal, see bad movies Sneak a beer and watch TV We'll bake brownies or go bowling Don't you want a life with me? Can't we be seventeen? That's all I want to do If you could let me in I could be good with you” Her soft melodic and angelic voice makes Luke all mushy inside. “People hurt us” “Or they vanish” He sounds as vulnerable as JD does in this moment. “And you’re right, that really blows But we let go” “Take a deep breath” “And go buy some summer clothes We’ll go camping” “Play some poker” Y/N chuckles a little as her eyes tear up slightly at the tenderness of his voice. “And we’ll eat some chili fries Maybe Prom night” “Maybe dancing” “Don’t stop looking in my eyes” The power behind her voice surprises Luke that he has no other choice but to look in her eyes. All while the others join in with their instruments at full force. “Your eyes” “Can't we be seventeen Is that so hard to do? If you could let me in I could be good with you” The music gets more powerful, as do their voices. “Let us be seventeen If we've still got the right” “So what's it gonna be? I wanna be with you” “Wanna be with you” “Tonight” The electricity between the two of them and the desire that had been there all along now takes the better of her. In the heat of it all, she launches herself in Luke’s arms, pressing her lips to his in a fiery, passionate kiss. The others don’t stop playing, but they do exchange surprised and relieved glances. She breaks the kiss, but presses her forehead against his as she continues singing the song like the true professional she is. “Yeah, we’re damaged” “Badly damaged” “But your love’s too good to lose” “Hold me tighter” “Even closer” “I’ll stay if I’m what you choose” “Can we be seventeen?” “If I am what you choose” “If we’ve still got the right” “‘Cause you’re the one I choose” “You’re the one I choose” “You’re the one I choose” Suddenly, the lyrics have gotten an entirely different meaning. Especially the way they’re singing it, makes it seem like they’re actually singing it to each other. Like Y/N is singing to Luke and Luke to Y/N. Not Veronica and Jason Dean. Y/N coughs awkwardly as she steps away from Luke, glancing at the others who have their teasing grins at the ready. “That’s in the script…” she tries, but the laughter that erupts from their friends tells her she can’t lie to them. Luke and Y/N stare at each other, a shy smile on their faces as they let them laugh it out. It takes a little while before they actually die down. “Sure, Y/N, that looked very scripted,” Julie says, patting her best friend’s shoulder. There’s nothing left to hide now. You and Luke are very much in love with one another. Though it still feels weird to be in love with a ghost who, quite frankly, would be about twenty years older if he hadn’t died, Y/N couldn’t hide the feelings she had for this boy. There was no hiding it after that outburst they had just now. But maybe that’s for the better. 

Thanks to the help of the boys and Julie, Y/N landed the role of Veronica Sawyer in Los Feliz High’s rendition of Heathers the Musical. Not only that, Luke and Y/N have now been dating for a month now. He’s been incredibly supportive over the course of the rehearsals of the musical, and she has been supportive of the band. It’s been fun and games, so far. Making out in the loft after band rehearsals or backstage in the auditorium, singing songs together at the top of their lungs whilst dancing around her room (though her parents complained about that), and cuddling on the couch whilst going over Y/N’s lines together. Nothing ever happened to cause an argument until Luke sat in a rehearsal for the musical when they were going over the Dead Girl Walking scene. Watching his very alive girlfriend kiss another very alive boy isn’t quite the confidence boost. He lasts until halfway through the song when the guy playing JD rips Y/N’s shirt open. That’s when he just had to get out of there. Y/N couldn’t tell anyone they were dating, and if she did, no one believed her she was dating the hologram boy from Julie’s band. Which also meant boys hitting on her when she was in her Veronica costume, mostly the boy who played Jason Dean. “Having a girl on top of you makes you realize things,” he had said. Y/N told him she wasn’t interested, but that didn’t stop the boy from trying. She had told Luke that. Her first mistake. Because ever since then, he has never missed a rehearsal. Y/N knew this scene was coming up, and she had tried to tell Luke he shouldn’t come, but of course he didn’t listen. And now he’s upset with her because she had told him about her minor crush on Christian Slater -- the original JD from the movie -- and about the JD song she loved so much. He knew how sexy she thought that song was, especially when the actor sings it as raw as Jamie Muscato or Ryan McCartan did in the West End and off-Broadway version. She’s not surprised to find Luke and the boys in the studio when she gets back, their instruments in hand, but no Julie to be seen. Only the very familiar riff of a Heathers song sounding through the amps. She halts in the doorway, crossing her arms as she watches the boys. None of them has seen her yet, which gives her the rawest and most honest version of this song. “You chucked me out like I was trash, For that you should be dead— But! But! But! Then it hit me like a flash, What if high school went away instead Those assholes are the key! They're keeping you away from me! They made you blind, messed up your mind But I can set you free!” Reggie jumps around whilst playing the bass, letting himself go on the beat. Even Alex is so lost in his drumming, he doesn’t even notice the girl in the doorway. And Luke has his scowl set on the void, possibly imagining the boy’s face and wanting to punch him in the face. “You left me and I fell apart, I punched the wall and cried— Bam! Bam! Bam!” Y/N flinches at the sudden loudness of his voice. “Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside! And so I built a bomb Tonight our school is Vietnam! Let's guarantee they'll never see their senior prom!” His voice grows a little softer at the chorus, showing his more delicate side, the side Y/N has come to love so much. “I was meant to be yours! We were meant to be one! Don't give up on me now! Finish what we've begun! I was meant to be yours!” He sounds angry and frustrated during the next verse, a hint of menace laced in his voice. To his girlfriend, it sounds incredibly sexy. He suddenly seems twice as attractive. “So when the high school gym goes boom with everyone inside— Pchw! Pchw! Pchw! In the rubble of their tomb We'll plant this note explaining why they died!” She sees this as her chance to announce her presence. She quickly runs over to Julie’s microphone and starts singing along on the bridge where the ensemble would join in. Luke’s head snaps up at her, bewilderment and surprise in his eyes, along with some embarrassment. “We, the students of Westerburg High Will die. Our burnt bodies may finally get through To you. Your society churns out slaves and blanks No thanks. Signed the Students of Westerburg High 'Goodbye.'” Y/N gives him a nod of encouragement, telling him to continue. He does as he’s told with even more power behind his voice and even some amusement as a smile plays at his lips. She grabs the microphone from the stand and dances up to him. “We'll watch the smoke poor out the doors. Bring marshmallows, We'll make s'mores! We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!” Along with Reggie and Alex, Y/N takes care of the backing vocals whilst Luke lets himself go in the song. His voice becomes more and more raspy with the second, sending shivers down his girlfriend’s spine. “I was meant to be yours! We were meant to be one! I can't make this alone! Finish what we've begun! You were meant to be mine! I am all that you need! You carved open my heart! Can't just leave me to bleed!” He turns to her as she offers him her microphone for the next bit. The fact he’s looking into her eyes doesn’t help her subdue her feelings. At all. In fact, it just increases those butterflies and shivers and curling of the toes. “Veronica, open the—open the door, please' Veronica, open the door. Veronica, can we not fight anymore' Please, can we not fight anymore' Veronica, sure, you're scared, I've been there. I can set you free! Veronica, don't make me come in there! I'm gonna count to three! One! Two! Fuck it!” She can’t detain her feelings anymore and crashes her lips onto his again, exactly like that time they rehearsed Seventeen together and they had their first kiss. Reggie and Alex exchange glances, though this time it’s with an eyeroll. Luke pulls away when he has to sing the very last bit of the song, keeping his forehead pressed to hers. His voice is back to its vulnerable side as he stares into his girlfriend’s eyes with so much regret for ever feeling so jealous of any lifer guy she’d ever interacted with. “Please don't leave me alone You were all I could trust I can't do this alone” He steps back from her to hit the last high note whilst Alex goes off on the drums one last time. “Still I will if I must!” Y/N watches her boyfriend for a moment, a tender, proud smile on her face and admiration in her eyes. Luke’s confidence when he plays his music, or any music for that matter, is so hot and attractive to Y/N. Though she loves his more vulnerable and adorable side he mostly pulls up whenever he’s with her, that rockstar side of his really is a close second. “Are you guys really gonna make out every time you sing together or…?” Reggie asks, capturing the couple’s attention. Y/N takes Luke’s hand in hers, intertwining their fingers together whilst her other hand rests on his bicep. “You would too if your boyfriend was so hot,” she answers, and presses a kiss to his bare shoulder. Luke smiles down at her before returning a kiss on her hair. “Now, if you guys don’t have anymore rehearsing to do, I’d like to take Luke to go and rehearse another scene together…” she trails off. As she looks up at her boyfriend and his eyes meet her suggestive glance, he already knows what’s up. “No, we’re done here, I think,” he says quickly, “Right, guys? Yes, yes, we are!” He rushes his girlfriend out the garage and to the house next door to the Molina’s where he helps you ‘rehearse’ the Dead Girl Walking scene.

 Taglist: @hannahhistorian92​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @thequirkybookaholic​ @bookdealer5​ @tenaciousperfectionunknown​ @hemmingsness​ @iainttakingshitfromnobody​ @ifilwtmfc​ @angryknightstatesmantrash​ @kiss-themoongoodbye​ @parkeret​​ @lukeys-giggle​ @gingerxarmy​ @lovesanimals​ @lolychu​ @perfectlywrongformend3s​ @luckylouiebug​ @kiss-themoongoodbye​ @camiladelrio98​ @myfriendscallmebeans​

[ivesambrose]

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As promised, a late Christmas but early new year gift from my side. 💚

Choose the screen you feel strikes a memory from your childhood or your dreams or something that's been on your mind lately xo

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at jovescorpioreadings@gmail.com

1.

Life hasn't been as harmonious due to the obvious circumstances have made you feel that this is your new reality now. Finding a new normal in where you've always been. But that's far from the truth.

Maybe you have strayed from something you had faith in, but in 2021 its time to get back in touch with that again. But I'm not seeing blind faith here, there's a sense of clarity. One you didn't have before and caused you foggines. I literally see a thick fog. You're going to have a chance to live what you've missed out on the year before.

There will be a boost in self esteem as well as desire to focus on focus on the sweetness moments in life has to offer. It's almost as though you're bored of the news, bored of the bitterness and being concerned. So to put it in simpler terms, your attitude has become rather Yolo.

I see some of you building immunity, focusing on what you eat, maybe even taking supplements for health. I literally see someone weight lifting this could be as literal as building strength / muscle. Good for you!

The start of the year it seems an idea will take a tangible form. I see some of you committed to learning something new or working on something that you would like to put out the public. I see someone devoted to some form of expression honestly.

It's also advised to protect your energy not everyone is going to be happy with your goals and plans.

You'll also be able to see beyond current circumstances. So long term plans will be the focus as well as a general attitude of, "I don't care anymore, I'm gonna do what it takes eitherway."

I also see you learning more about finances, savings, investments etc

There will be opportunities to travel or what was once halted will pick up.

Aquarius and virgo season are significant.

Some keys themes are,

- knowing when to leave a situation discreetly.

- again, know when to leave.

- recognizing opportunities and seizing them instead of awaiting validation or looking back at the ones that didn't bring you fulfillment.

2.

I feel you've been restless and anxious throughout the year so now that sudden patience and understanding hits you, you're unfamiliar with this feeling. The, "I don't have to worry anymore you mean? I don't have to wake up feeling not messed up? That's suspicious!"

I see some of you finding some comfort in walking while listening to music, picturing different scenarios etc. You could be walking indoors or outdoors, doesn't matter. All I know is that it'll ground you. I see you feeling a little more stable as though you can rely on yourself.

I see you attracting a lot of wealth honestly. Money is just energy, eitherway you'll attract it. I think you'll tap into that power honestly. You might even find yourself having purchased something you consider a luxury item sometime this year. Increase in wealth will also give you a boost in other areas of your life. You may also take a liking towards warmer colors. You may like gold over black combination a lot too.

I'm seeing you heal an old would. Wanting more adrenaline in your life too. Some of you may dance, take up dancing etc something that gets the blood pumping.

There's also a theme of getting in touch with the emotions you have often kicked under the rug or have shamed yourself for and left unexpressed.

Why do I sense a more feral energy in some of you? Like you've been quiet for so long and settled for things but deep inside you are a wild, wild thing.

A cycle of turmoil is complete, the person you were in jan 2020 and the one you are in Jan 2021 are extremely different people.

There's also a connection you have been dreaming of or getting signs of but you're fearing the worst it seems too? Don't worry about it too much,

Significant months are Aries and Leo season.

Key themes for this year,

- relocation

- long distance travel

- flexibility

- multiple jobs

- silently knowing you're the baddest bitch ever

3.

Calming of your nerves. No thought head empty. But in the best way possible since you've flushed out a lot of toxicity from your life. There's probably something you've incorporated maybe an affirmation, hobby, routine etc that you're going to be or are advised to be persistent about. Some of you may also be suffering from sleeplessness, nightmares, restlessness etc maybe even headaches, eye strain. You're truly advised to make your health well being your priority. Calming music, meditation, painting etc will help with this.

Your gift of visualization will be very useful for some reason.

You may have felt unrequited love in the past but this year brings about more synchronicity and balance. Its simply because you've chosen to bring the priority to you. So you won't be settling for less.

The biggest theme for you is breaking an ancestral pattern and shedding old skin. Don't be surprised if the whole year feels like a Pokémon evolution for you. It's high time to follow what you want instead of what others want for you.

I see some of you leaving a hostile/exhausting situation/residence to somewhere much calmer.

There's a key theme of rebirth and heeding the call of something you couldn't do earlier. Being more active in pursuit of your goals. I see you determined to do something for yourself.

I also see clarity of thought more assertiveness in your part and knowing when to command things into fruition.

Significant months are capricorn and taurus season. Even Gemini season.

Key themes for the year:

- don't blind yourself to the love you literally just manifested.

- it's okay to be selfish of your earned resources.

- as your shed your old skin, don't expect yourself to not have an upgrade.

- you indeed won and their gaslighting did not.

4.

You feel you have lost your shine it seems...

As though you don't have the gifts or the right amount of talent or perhaps you feel disconnected with the things that once made you happy.

2021 is all about finding that sparkle and dropping the heaviness one day at a time. It'll be a transformative period from feeling lack lustre to discovering a whole new array of things you feel connected to. A lot of awakened creativity without the fear of having to prove to others that, "Hey look, I did this thing please validate." no. Do this cuz you want to. Do this even if you think its bad. You have to be persistent and allow yourself to improve.

I see a lot of you channeling certain emotions into creative expression or achieving something. Also a lot of connecting with nature by yourself since you feel the need to maybe isolate a bit or disconnect from people who drain you off your energy.

You'll be reaping a lot of rewards for your earlier efforts as well as the efforts you're going to put in. I get a picture of a tree filled with apples, the tree certainly belongs to you and you have your sweet rewards with you. Your patience has paid off.

You may also be drawn to cool tones or cool colors. You'll also learn that you don't need to be right or perfect all the time. It's a growing stage and if you don't learn from your mistakes then what's the point. I just see this year as being you keeping your peace and not dwindling in others business anymore simply because you seek peace from extra drama. I also truly see you dropping the need to be right and being stubborn cuz that's been hindering you for the longest time. There are people although few seeking to guide and help but you may have been subconsciously rejecting it.

I also wouldn't be surprised if some of you break up with current partners or a friend group to go different ways. You've been straying form things and not really growing. This year might be full of a lot of self awareness for you.

There's an opportunity that brings you emotional fulfillment of sorts too but you'll be lowkey about it. I also see you wanting to seek refuge from your own thoughts at one point. If you're an artist of any kind, this year is gonna be a benchmark for you. I can tell that. Perhaps admist this soul searching you'll find someone that aligns with you too. (this could be romantic or platonic)

Significant seasons are taurus and likely Leo season.

Main themes I'm seeing are that of,

- Finding people you feel at home with

- learning what you want to commit to before you decide in who.

- taking the risk to take certain journeys by yourself. You may think you're alone, but you'll meet souls just like you along the way.

- leave your comfort zone. Please.

5.

You're truly about the collect the biggest glow up award and I would like to congratulate you in advanced. That's it. That's the overview.

Okay I'm kidding ofc I'm not gonna leave you at just that.

Something that is long inevitable will happen. You have been waiting for this. It could be a travel plan that did not come through because of the previous year. But whatever it is that you're waiting for is making its way to you and not just that, you're making your way towards something or some place to.

You maybe going the distance for something that has a lot to do with your career as well.

You have finally unlocked a hidden fire within you (for real I see a scarlet red and a flame) that is just so stunning like?? Some of you might just embody this sexy siren energy. Do not be surprised if you attract people left, right and center this year. But then again I see y'all being invested in your passions and one of these passions is being your best like, there's just so much 7 rings by Ariana energy here what even? Please own it!

Expect love offers. Expect love to come in. Although I do hesitancy here since a lot of you just had this sudden glow and are simply maybe not used to tenderness, honesty and affection.

I also see leadership, management and business skills is something you will learn this year. Also expect hearing certain messages in conversations and music I feel a lot of you simply connect deeply with music or it's connected with your life path.

Key themes for the year,

- A long term romance coming in. This person is such a charm, I feel as though when you were busy tending to your goals and looking at how far you've come, they come in for you. You saw them coming but it still feels unexpected.

Significant seasons are, cancer, virgo and scorpio.

- money saved secretly. Patience and constant efforts bringing in monetary rewards.

- connecting with like minded people

- travel, skincare, health, aesthetics. 

- learning to be more graceful and composed

- slow progress is still progress. The most beneficial kind.

[thebrochtuarachs]

Something in the Rain - “Situations”

A/N:  WHAT?! BACK TO BACK UPDATES?! Yes, you're not dreaming, it is happening and even I, am surprising myself. I'd like to thank you all for the support even though I haven't written in a while. I've never received much more heartfelt messages and comments. With much encouragement, this next chapter wrote itself quickly. :) I hope you like it. As always, your comments and suggestions are very much welcome.

AO3  / C1: A Day In June : C2: Definitely, Maybe : C3: So We Meet Again : C4: Friday Lunch : C5: Finding Solid Ground

XXXXX

“Are we on for lunch next Friday?” she asked, three blocks away from her home. 

“Actually, I’ll be going on a two week business trip to London.” Jamie answered. “I need to look at our office down there, catch up with our staff and clients” 

“Oh, I see.”

“Yeah, sorry, I didn’t mention it earlier. But my schedule is going to be cramped.” 

“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s work!” Claire bumped his arm with her elbow. “Message me when you’re back and settled and let’s catch up then.” she followed, hoping to keep communication lines open in line with what seems to be a long break. 

“I will.” Jamie noted that offer. “How about you? How is your week looking?” 

“Uhm, between my rounds, surgeries, and department duties” Claire counted with her fingers for emphasis. “My days are pretty much full. Lunch, late evenings and the weekends are generally my free times.” The answer also serves as an indirect information Claire hoped Jamie would figure out about how unpredictable her time and availability is.

A brief silence and then Claire asked the question that was on her mind since the afternoon. “Erm, why didn’t you tell me you were popular?” 

“What?” Jamie chuckled. “What is the world are ye talking about?” 

“It has come to my attention that you, Jamie Fraser, apparently, is one of Scotland’s most eligible bachelors.” Claire said and Jamie groaned. 

“Ugh, how’d you find out?” 

“Geilis mentioned it earlier. Apparently, there are magazine pictures that I should see. She’s showing me her copy on Monday.” she added, earning another joking sigh. “I wondered why it never came up and/or why you didn’t tell me?” 

“One, I thought you, at least, knew. I mean, it was in a national magazine. Second, it’s not the first thing I share with the people I meet. How would you feel if I said, ‘Hi, I’m Jamie Fraser, did you see my photo on Tatler?” he saw her tilt her head and stick her tongue in feign disgust. “Exactly.” 

“I guess that’s a valid point. Still - I guess, I’d rather knew about myself first or you.” 

“I’m sorry, Sassenach. It just comes with working at a local, historic business, keeps us afloat, ye know. I’ll warn ye ahead of time of any write-ups about me out there.”

“What’d ye call me?” Claire stopped walking.

“Hmmm?”

“You called me a Sassenach?” she raised her eyebrow. 

“Aish, it’s not as bad as ye think it means. It just means Englishwoman, an outlander, not from Scotland.” Claire didn’t look convinced, forcing Jamie to explain further. “It was my first thought about ye when you slipped under my umbrella. I guess it kinda stuck and is what I’ve been calling ye in my head.”

“Mhmm, alright.” She shook her head and smiled. “This is me” 

Jamie looked at the Georgian building and took note of the place and surroundings. “I guess, I’ll see you in two weeks.” 

“I’ll see you in two weeks” Claire waited briefly if Jamie had anything else to say or do but when he didn’t move, it was her cue to leave. “Bye, then.” 

“Bye.” Jamie watched Claire enter her home and when she was safely in, he walked back to his car, berating himself if he missed a big opportunity. 

--

Claire reached the emergency room and immediately asked for a patient in the nurse’s station. “Tammas Baxter?”

“Bed 4” She quickly went to where the nurse pointed and opened the curtain to find a pale, sickly, boy, a frightened grandma, and a fidgety young lady. 

“Hi, I’m Dr. Claire Beauchamp and I’ll be checking on Tammas today. Are you his family and what seems to be the problem?” She asked the ladies on the other side of the bed as she examined his physical state. 

“Yes, we are. I’m Mrs. Fitz, his grandma and this is Laoghaire, his cousin. He came home from school this afternoon and just started vomiting and developing a head and stomachache.” 

Claire leaned down and smelled Tammas, having a hunch already on what the boy might be going though but she needed to confirm. “Tammas, my name is Claire. I know you’re in pain right now but I need you to tell me something so we know what medicine to give you, okay?” The boy nodded weakly. 

“Did you eat this?” Claire shared a photo on her phone and despite his frailty, everyone saw the panic in his eyes looking from Claire to his grandma. Claire looked at the old lady as she soothed rather than scold her grandson, telling her he was in no trouble and just needed to tell the truth. With that, the boy turned to Claire and gave a nod to confirm her suspicions. 

“Thank you, good lad.” Claire patted the boy and proceeded to order her treatment to the nurses. “Get blood and urine samples, hang an IV and start to give him a dose of anti-poisoning” 

After getting a clear from the nurses, Claire invited his guardians outside to explain his situation better. “Hi, Mrs. Fitz, was it?” the older lady confirmed and she proceeded to explain the situation. “Tammas ingested a plant called Lily of the Valley. It is incredibly poisonous and you made the right decision to bring him in immediately. We caught it at the right time and we’ll treat him with fluids and medicine and we’ll observe him in the next couple of days until his situation improves. He’ll be just fine.”

Mrs. Fitz sighed in relief and then hugged Claire which she returned. As a pediatric surgeon, she’s already used to these moments but it always warms her heart when it happens. Mrs. Fitz then asked her niece to check on admitting Tammas and left. They checked on Tammas again, the boy now asleep after being medicated. 

“I’ll check up on him before my shift ends. I’ll ask the nurses to page me if anything changes on his condition.” Claire said, signing his chart and placing it back on the caddy. 

“Thank ye, Doctor.”

“Please call me Claire” 

“Ye know, it was my nephew who told me to go straight to the ER and look for Dr. Beauchamp. He didn’t mention, though, that Dr. Beauchamp was a pretty lady.”  

A blush threatened to creep Claire’s cheek but she kept her composure. “Jamie called ahead as well, told me that you were coming. I was free and was able to come down to the ER. I’m happy to help” 

“And how did ye know it was poisoning right away?” 

“I dabble in medicinal herbs sometimes. The plant has a distinct smell that I picked up while I was examining him. Jamie also had a hunch and told me about a tradition with the boys about eating the plant as a right of passage. Between those two, it kinda showed itself.” 

“I see. And how long have ye known Jamie?” Mrs. Fitz found the opening and she took it. 

“Not too long.” Claire smiled and answered honestly. Just then, Laoghaire returned with documents for them to sign and she excused herself out. 

As Mrs. Fitz finished the paperwork, her thoughts flitted back to Claire. When she asked about Jamie, she somewhat expected the lass to immediately gush all over him as what she’d experienced with his previous affairs. 

But what she found, instead, in their short conversation thus far, was a genuineness that was incredibly refreshing to see. She didn’t know the extent of their relationship, yet, but for whatever’s worth, she knew Jamie found a good one. 

---

“You were right, it was poisoning. Yep, no - he’ll be fine now, Jamie. We’re treating him and should be able to go home in a few days.” Claire put the phone on speaker as she signed documents in her office. It’s been a week and a half since they last saw each other and due to the nature of their jobs, they’ve texted sporadically, just catching up or checking in, here and there. But, today, the emergency forced them to communicate more directly and urgently to which each of them welcomed.

Jamie was on the other line, wanting to hear the update himself. “I told the lad not to do it and he still did. Mrs. Fitz might not have a thing to say anymore to him but I might have” 

“Like you were not a ten year old that broke the rules before.” she gruffed. 

“Still, my da told on me.” 

“Jamie, I’m sure Tammas would have plenty to hear about it by the time you come back.”

She heard a sigh on the other end and she knew she’d saved the lad against more scolding from his family. “Yer right. I’ll just settle for a really, really stern look and not give him his presents” 

He can hear her roll her eyes and moved to change the subject. “Who accompanied Mrs. Fitz, Sassenach?” 

Claire smiled, still not use to the name but truthfully, she liked it because it came from him. “A granddaughter, I think her name was Laoghaire.”

“I see.” he said plainly and Claire caught on. 

“Anything you’d like to share?” she pressed but instead the call ended and rang again, this time a video call. 

Claire was surprised but took a quick look at her mirror and accepted the call. 

“Yes?” 

“Nothing. Just wanted to see how are ye” 

“You called after I mentioned Laoghaire. That is suspicious.”

“There’s nothing to tell other than, she might have a wee crush on me, Sassenach.” 

“A wee crush. That explains the weird look she gave me earlier today.” 

“What weird look?”

“Like she was sizing me up or something. Didn’t last long, though, Mrs. Fitz had her do all the errands earlier. 

It was Jamie’s turn to make a face and shrug. “Don’t let her get to ye, Claire. I’m no interested in her” 

“Oh yeah? Why so?” she quipped back. 

“For starters, she isna my type and…” 

Claire cut him off, “Alright, alright, no need to say more” a laugh bubbling as Jamie looked so serious on her screen. “Anything else, you need to say, Mr. Fraser? Some of us have to work here.” 

She saw Jamie scratch the back of his head, turn red, and hear the shuffling of his feet. “Erm, Claire, would you be free this Saturday evening?” 

She looked at her calendar, “My schedule is free so far” 

“May I have the pleasure to take you to dinner then?”

“Are you asking me out, James Fraser?” Claire asked, eyeing him adorably. She was not at all surprised that their lunches would eventually become dinners. It was only a matter of time. If they we’re not interested in each other, they had stopped meeting a long time ago. 

“Aye.” Jamie replied, anticipating her answer.

“Pick me up at my place around 7:00?” 

“It’s a date, then.”

[owl-with-a-pen]

Kara had been putting on a brave face all afternoon. Alex figured it would have been a little more obvious to everyone had it not been for the fact that they all were.

Each of them had been affected by the Phantom’s fear visions to some degree, but in typical Super Friends fashion, they’d found the remedy to those fears in each other’s company.

It almost felt too normal, gathering at Kara’s apartment, playing board games, eating and drinking, laughing and pretending that the last few weeks had been nothing but a bad dream.

Nothing was that easy, though, no matter how hard they tried. After all, it didn’t escape Alex that Lena had more than overindulged in her fair share of scotch since her arrival, or that Nia had practically remained glued to Brainy’s side the whole afternoon, fiddling with the life projectors beneath his shirt as they lay curled against each other on the couch. Brainy held her just as tightly in return, as though he was afraid to let her go. It was clear he was way more on edge than normal, hyper-aware of his surroundings, startling at just about any loud noise. So much so that the pop from the champagne cork earlier that day had very nearly sent him reeling right out of the room. After that, Alex had put the group on a strict twist off cap rule for any future bottles that were to be opened in Brainy’s presence.

Alex knew that Kelly had seen something awful there as well, but her girlfriend had been doing everything to keep the morale of the team boosted, instead assuring her that she was working through it on her own terms, and that she wanted Alex to feel comfortable talking to her about her own nightmare as well.

As much as Alex wanted to take Kelly up on that offer - right now - sitting there with her friends, drink in hand and her sister’s head resting on her shoulder… this was how she was getting by. She didn’t need to talk it out, at least not in that moment. Being in the presence of her family, feeling the soft fibres of Kara’s cardigan between her fingers, this was more than enough to keep her fears at bay.

But, she knew that Kara was struggling.

Despite the strength Kara was trying desperately to maintain, Alex could see the strain behind every smile. Even now she was home safe, decked in sweats and curled up under her favourite blanket, it didn’t take from the fact that whatever she’d seen in the Phantom Zone still lived within her. Providing all the comforts in the world wasn’t going to change that.

Still, having a chance to focus on family, junk food and stupid card games was at least beginning to alleviate some of the tension in the room. By the time day rolled into night, the laughter they shared together felt that much more genuine, and Alex was even able to goad Kara into a very competitive, high-stakes game of Trivial Pursuit.

Brainy and Nia won, not like the room stood much of a chance against a twelfth-level intellect who had also taken the opportunity of studying even more pop-culture references since his stint in 2009. But, with the alcohol running through everyone’s systems, the match had been closer than any one before it.

Eventually though, it was time for the Super Friends to head home for the evening. Well, everyone apart from Alex. She’d been pretty clear from the moment game night had been proposed that there was no way in hell she was leaving her sister alone that night.

If anything, Kara had seemed relieved at the idea. Alex knew she was still processing everything that had happened, but the horrors of that place were still fresh on her mind. Maybe she hadn’t been alone, maybe she had found family along the way, but that didn’t take from the awful things Kara had witnessed, even with her father at her side.

Alex wasn’t sure what to think of Zor-El quite yet. J’onn had given him a place to crash at the Tower while he gathered his bearings on Earth, and she knew he’d likely be contacting Argo very soon with the news of his survival. Kara hadn’t spoken much about her father since getting back, but then again, she’d spoken so little about her time in the Phantom Zone that Alex didn’t think it strange. She was looking to move past this.

They all were.

Just… moving past it wasn’t going to be as easy as they were hoping for. Kelly was already trying to encourage everyone into a group session to talk things out, although the bottle of wine she’d toted had probably made her sound a little too eager about the idea at the time. In any case, Alex hadn’t missed how Kara had shrunk into the sofa at the suggestion, or how quickly she’d diverted the subject before Kelly had a chance to go into any details.

She’d have to talk to someone eventually, and privately Alex hoped that Kara might let her in. Since Brainy and Nia had gone back in time, Alex couldn’t help but fall back to those years when she’d left Kara behind for college, how anchored she’d still felt to her sister’s life even from miles away. There were times she’d blamed Kara for everything in her life that wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t take from the moments, however small, where things had been just that.

Perfect.

The longer Kara had spent in Midvale, the more she’d opened up about her home world. Alex had found the topic all kinds of uncomfortable at first, serving as yet another reminder that she was responsible for this alien tween that had somehow stumbled into their lives, disturbing her otherwise normal existence. But, Kara had been able to fill every one of her stories about Krypton with such wonder. Even when she hadn’t been fully confident with English, she’d still managed to describe her planet with such passion that Alex could even imagine those great glass spires for herself, could see the vast cities that glimmered in the distance from Kara’s old bedroom window.

Kara had never managed to get through one of those stories without crying.

Alex could still remember clambering over to Kara’s bed in the dead of night, bundling her adopted sister in her arms, expecting it to feel so alien, so wrong. But, it hadn’t. If anything, it had been the most natural thing in the world.

She’d whispered to her then, rocking her, telling her oh so gently that everything would be okay.

Kara had believed her every time.

Now, though?

Now, Alex wasn’t so sure.  

Once the party disbanded, neither one of them had the energy to say much to each other, but that didn’t matter. Sharing one another’s space was more than enough. Assuring Kara that she wasn’t alone tonight - that was enough. It had to be.

When Kara headed to bed, Alex set about making herself comfortable on the couch, curling beneath the duvet that Kara had left out for her.

She didn’t remember falling asleep, which only made it all the more alarming when she was suddenly jerked awake some hours later.

Alex’s throat was dry, and there was a crick in her neck where she’d been lying awkwardly across the sofa’s arm. She groaned out, raising her hands in a half-assed defensive stance that would have been way more threatening had she actually had a firearm to grab a hold of and not a medium sized throw pillow.

“Alex?”

Kara’s voice, trailing feebly in the dark. Alex blinked, finding her sister’s bright eyes staring at her in the dim setting of the apartment. Even with no visible source of light, they still managed to shimmer, like tiny beams of sunlight had been captured within her irises.

“Hey,” Alex managed, clearing her throat with some effort. She frowned, reaching for her sister’s arm. “Are you okay?”

Kara’s lips trembled into a weak smile. “I couldn’t sleep,” she admitted.

“Figures,” Alex said, noting the state of her sister’s hair. It was tied up into a messy bun that had clearly fallen victim to Kara’s violent tossing and turning habit. Alex forced herself into a half decent sitting position, glancing towards the kitchen. “What d’you think, will tea and honey cut it?” she asked, feigning a dramatized yawn. “Or, do we have to pull out the big guns?”

Kara’s smile widened. “Oh, big guns for sure.”

“Hot cocoa it is.” Alex grinned. “You can boil the water.”

                                                          ---

Ten minutes later, Alex found herself sat on Kara’s bed, legs crossed as she nursed her piping mug of hot cocoa, enhanced with a generous splash of whiskey. Kara did the same, taking a sip before she closed her eyes, leaning her back against the head rest.

“Oh Rao that’s good,” she murmured.

“Y’know, I think I’ve even improved upon mom’s recipe,” Alex mused. “The student becomes the teacher, or whatever.”

“Don’t tell Eliza that, she’ll kill you.”

Alex pulled a face. “God, never. She’ll take that recipe to her grave.”

Kara chuckled, sobering slightly. She pressed her lips together, staring down into her mug. “I missed this,” she murmured. “When I was… trapped there… everything felt so bleak. Like the world was trying to suck the happiness right out of me.” She shuddered, tightening her grip around her mug. “I tried to hold onto happy memories, the taste of my favourite foods, anything that’d keep me grounded. But, the longer I was there, the more I thought I’d never find that happiness again.” She breathed out sharply, forcing a smile. “That I’d never taste hot cocoa again.”

“I can’t imagine what it was like,” Alex said softly. “I mean… we were only there for a few hours and look how badly it affected us. You were there for weeks and I—” Alex choked, shaking her head. “Things got pretty bleak here, too. And, well, let’s just say I didn’t need a Phantom to start losing hope.”

“Alex-”

“It’s not your fault,” Alex said automatically. “So don’t you dare go apologising for this.”

“I- I wasn’t.”

Alex gave her sister a pointed look.

Kara’s face fell. She shifted uncomfortably, drawing her knees up towards her chest. “Okay, maybe… so maybe I was. But- I don’t know what else to say, Alex! I am sorry. Sorry any of this happened. That we lost each other.”

Again.

“We always find our way back,” Alex said firmly, pressing the warmth of her mug against her chin retrospectively. Her lips curled. “That might as well be the Danvers’ sisters motto at this point, right?”

Kara snorted into her own mug. “It’s got a ring to it.”

“We could make t-shirts.”

“Okay, that’s the lamest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“But you kinda love it, right?”

Kara’s nose crinkled when she grinned, one of those classic Kara smiles. So simple, so easy, as though she wasn’t holding the weight of the world on her shoulders at any given moment.

It didn’t last long, but when Kara looked back up at her, Alex thought that a little of the pain behind her eyes had begun to ease.

Then, Kara yawned.

Alex’s smile faded. “Okay, you really need to get some sleep.”

Kara bit her lip, glancing away. “I know. I just…” She blinked with a sudden revelation, turning back to Alex in the same motion. “Would you stay?” she asked impulsively, patting the sheets at her side. “Here, I mean. While I sleep? Like old times?”

“You don’t even have to ask,” Alex said, already scooting over towards the empty space. “Of course I will.”

                                                           ---

The last time Alex had laid in Kara’s bed, she’d been alone.

When the wound had still been fresh, her heart was so heavy that Alex had needed to feel Kara there with her somehow. She’d used the spare key to get inside, curling up beneath her sister’s sheets, still smelling of Kara’s watermelon shampoo, and hugged her pillow close to her chest, burying her face into the soft cotton.

Now, Kara lay at her side, and yet Alex still had to fight to prove to herself that this was real. That Kara was home. 

She hadn’t told anyone about what the Phantom had showed her just yet - not even Kelly. To think how terrified she’d been of not being the first face that Kara saw, that somehow her stubbornness might ruin everything, that to get Kara back, she’d have to sacrifice herself, because it was her job as the older sister. Even when she’d faced those fears, when she’d chosen to let herself go to keep Kara safe, it didn’t take from the horrible all-consuming vacuum that had surrounded her. The unforgiving, ice cold chasm of space that had crushed her body the moment she’d been pulled from the ship’s sheild. 

But, when Kara had barrelled through that door, Alex had seen her light at the end of the tunnel. When Kara had wrapped her arms around her, nearly forgetting her own strength, squeezing the breath right out from Alex’s lungs, her fears had all but evaporated alongside it. Instead, she’d only hugged her sister tighter in response, whispering nonsensical reassurances into Kara’s ear as she’d crumpled beneath the weight of everything she’d seen, breathing heavily into Alex’s throat.

Now, Alex ran her fingers through her sister’s hair, tugging the elastic out so that she could knot the blonde strands into loose plaits. She’d taught Kara how to braid her hair in a similar fashion when they’d been kids, playing with her hair for hours in front of the mirror, going through every style she could think of in some of her mom’s old magazines. Alex had never been a big fan of dressing up, but Kara had been so excited to learn about Earth fashion and Alex had been seldom to disappoint.

It wasn’t long before Kara relaxed into the gesture, her back curving against Alex’s chest as she sank deep against her pillow, pressing her face into it with a soft exhale.

Alex didn’t know what kind of nightmares Kara had faced the last time she’d fallen asleep, but she vowed that she’d do everything in her power to give her sister the peace of mind she deserved.

When Kara finally began to doze and soft snores escaped her lips, Alex wrapped her arms around her front, burying her face between her sister’s shoulder blades.

She was warm in her arms, solid and real. Alex could feel every rise and fall in Kara’s chest, could hear the steady rhythm of her pulse beating against her forehead.

The girl of steel had always needed to appear unbreakable to everyone, but what people rarely thought about was how that so often extended even to Kara Danvers. After all, it would be Kara Danvers, not Supergirl, who would be turning up at CatCo in the next few days, pretending as though she’d been out getting the scoop of the century.

No one outside of her family knew what she’d been through, and so none of them would offer her the proper time she needed to heal.

And, as much as it hurt, Alex knew that by tomorrow, Kara would already be flying around National City again, reassuring the world that Supergirl was still there for them all.

But, in small moments like this, Kara could at least let her guard down. She didn’t need to be anyone’s saviour right then. She was Kara Danvers, Kara Zor El. And at the heart of it, she was still Alex’s little sister. No matter what happened, nothing would ever change that.

Maybe she couldn’t protect her sister from whatever tomorrow brought with it, but she could make damn sure that not a single nightmare touched her tonight.

That would have to be enough.