#very much a vent so im not tagging it eith the fandom but like i want to say because i know those posts yesterday got a lot of notes

[box-dwelling]

So for the record I know I've been posting a lot of aai 1 stuff because I've been playing through it. I don't know when that's going to continue and if it does when because the 4th case is actually a pretty bad trigger for me. It's Von karma. I know a lot of people relate a lot to the abuse the Von karma siblings suffered but Miles' trauma around that even before the sourt of head canon expansion people do, just like the stuff actually present in the game, is really really similar to my own and seeing Von Karma really fucking feels like seeing my abuser. He didn't kill my parent and frame me for murder but almost everything else was shit he pulled.

I guess it's my blog so I can talk about it without it trauma dumping but the being groomed from a young age after the death of a parent to be a prodigy in a field by being massively overworked as a teenager by someone you admire and are desperate to live up to while being very aware that if you are anything less than perfect they will viciously verbally abuse and belittle you was pretty directly my experience. As was watching people younger than you go through the same thing and wanting to protect them but not knowing how because you still believe that your mentor is fundamentally doing the right thing and helping you because he's the best so he must be and even if everything else in your life is neglected you are thriving in the field their training you in, and the fact you are watching them and yourself suffer is just a show of your weakness. I even had a pretty similar break down to the one has has in JFA where you just run from it and try to find whatever scrap of identity you still have after seriously considering suicide. Edgeworth hits really really close to home and it's kind of why I'm so fond of him. I honestly wonder sometimes if someone writing him actually experienced this because it's really really accurate at least to what I went through l.

Even though MVK isn't too outwardly abusive in the case it's honestly kinda harder seeing the positive side because it reminds me of the manipulation you experience when you are doing well but with the constant threat of if you slip up once it's over. It also brings back doubts of if I did the right thing by leaving even though I know I did. Just very similar tactics and words to those my absuer used.

I will still be posting AA stuff. I'm still actively writing fic even though I've yet to post any because I write non chronologically. I'm probably going to head back to the main series and live post my play through of AJ. I may even start up aai2 and grab a let's play for the last case so I know what happened. Idk. Just that case is going to be rough on me so it might be a sec before I can finish it.