#very lonely sad depressed angry frustrated self-pitying self-hating all of it

[allstrangeandwonderful]

This is implied in earlier posts, but I think it’s worth saying explicitly: make it feel safe for them to express and discuss their feelings!

The manosphere does not excel because it has great logic and unarguable points; it excels because it targets boys and men who feel awful and don’t know what to do about it. It tells them that they are welcome somewhere, that they are valid and valued just as they are, that they don’t need to do any uncomfortable introspection or growth, that their feelings of loneliness and inadequacy are not their own fault, but someone else’s. It preys on their emotions, and is very effective at doing so.

You gotta teach your boys good things, yes, but they are still going to have uncomfortable feelings sometimes; a boys first encounters with feminism and classism and white privilege can be super uncomfortable, and before they’ve developed a deep understanding of them, it can easily feel like everyone hates them and wants them to answer for the crimes of others — which is compounded by the fragile self esteem most young people have, and the shaky concept of masculinity that boys almost certainly have from getting mixed messages from inside and outside of the home, and can bring up a lot of difficult and complicated feelings! And if bringing those feelings up is met with ridicule, accusations of ignorance and privilege, and making them the butt of the joke, they’re going to bottle those feelings up, and look for an alternate release valve. The manosphere does not have to be logical to attract these boys; it just has to make them feel better, and they’ll do all the re-programming themselves.

Essentially the same reason any cult works, right?

So yeah, tl;dr: if you don’t talk to your boys about their feelings with compassion and understanding, predatory influencers will prey on those unmet emotional needs.

[admirablemushroom]

chat with a stranger

[7:43 PM] ttd29: Tell me more about him [7:43 PM] ttd29: What is it that you like so much about this guy who doesnt respond to your needs? [7:43 PM] Theodore: ok so we met by playing dota2 together [7:44 PM] Theodore: he was a very nice guy who didn't scold me for feeding the enemies [7:44 PM] ttd29: Ok great start

[7:44 PM] Theodore: so for some reason i asked him his fb and we started to become friends [7:45 PM] Theodore: at the time i was dating a girl [7:45 PM] Theodore: i sent a few memes to him [7:45 PM] Theodore: u know, from r/suddenlygay, etc [7:46 PM] ttd29: Wait you’re bi? [7:46 PM] Theodore: you can say so... [7:46 PM] ttd29: Lol interesting [7:46 PM] ttd29: Anyway go on [7:47 PM] Theodore: i usually go by being gay in order to avoid surprise moments like this [7:47 PM] Theodore: anyway [7:47 PM] Theodore: we got closer and closer [7:48 PM] Theodore: i even asked him how to kiss a girl before i got that girl [7:48 PM] Theodore: then one day he was comfortable enof to admit that he's bi [7:49 PM] Theodore: and i eventually dumped my ex-gf bc i was an asshole [7:50 PM] Theodore: in my defense i felt tired to fake my masculinity [7:50 PM] ttd29: No need to defend yourself [7:50 PM] ttd29: At least you didnt cheat [7:50 PM] Theodore: then a few days later i met him in a coffee shop [7:50 PM] Theodore: that was our first meeting [7:51 PM] Theodore: and we started hanging out more often [7:51 PM] Theodore: after 2 meetings, we became boyfriends [7:53 PM] Theodore: ok after this point there was no major event [7:53 PM] Theodore: he also gave me a book 'call me by ur name' [7:53 PM] ttd29: How long did you guys date? [7:54 PM] Theodore: in the book, he signed "you're the best thing that ever happened to me" [7:54 PM] Theodore: the book has been given away to one of my friends [7:55 PM] Theodore: i can go on about how disgusting that book is but maybe another time [7:55 PM] Theodore: (not his fault, Andre aciman's fault) [7:55 PM] Theodore: then i took a 6-month exchange study [7:55 PM] Theodore: so we maintained our communication online [7:56 PM] Theodore: after getting back to vn, we went out together again [7:56 PM] Theodore: then we had arguments about this and that, i remember i was a pretty rude guy and i raised my tone a lot of times.... [7:57 PM] Theodore: must've been tiring for him to go thru all that [7:58 PM] Theodore: at the peak of the conflict, one day we were arguing about something i dont remember but pretty sure i started first [7:58 PM] Theodore: he left in the middle of the convo to play video games [7:58 PM] Theodore: which i was very angry and sad [7:59 PM] Theodore: but he also quit the match to talk to me [7:59 PM] Theodore: and u know, i was not a considerate person, i usually started a fight and made a fuss about anything [8:00 PM] Theodore: and when im stressed, i write a lot [8:00 PM] Theodore: and when i write a lot, whoever read it gets stressed too [8:01 PM] Theodore: ok i see u went offline lol, prolly u got stressed too [8:02 PM] ttd29: Lol relax [8:03 PM] ttd29: I just took a shower [8:04 PM] ttd29: And then after that what happened? [8:05 PM] Theodore: wait me, i need to finish the monstrosity i cooked [8:06 PM] ttd29: =))))) [8:06 PM] ttd29: Oke [8:20 PM] Theodore: ok so at one point i just straight up told him dont talk to me anymore [8:20 PM] Theodore: which i very regret til this day [8:21 PM] Theodore: after that text, he never answered me again [8:21 PM] Theodore: he didn't respond to anything [8:21 PM] Theodore: basically he ghosted me [8:21 PM] ttd29: For a year??? [8:22 PM] Theodore: yes [8:22 PM] Theodore: i had been through a lot of confusion, anger, self hate, regret, depression, you name it [8:22 PM] ttd29: And he never talked to you again until now? [8:23 PM] Theodore: i kept messaging him for months, until July last year i told him this would be my last text (it wasn't), which he also didnt read [8:24 PM] Theodore: and a few days ago my depression hit me so bad i had to bring up that shit again [8:24 PM] Theodore: this time i talked with a mutual friend of us [8:25 PM] Theodore: along the lines i told my fren that 'the only reason i haven't commit suicide is because my mom would be sad if i did' [8:25 PM] Theodore: my fren told my ex that i wanted to commit suicide... [8:25 PM] Theodore: -.- [8:25 PM] ttd29: Quào [8:25 PM] ttd29: Okay [8:26 PM] ttd29: Great friend [8:26 PM] ttd29: =)) [8:26 PM] ttd29: After that then what happened [8:27 PM] Theodore: anyway, i also sent him a few words that said 'i dont understand how things went wrong but im sure whatever my mistakes are, i am not deserved to be ghosted for a year like this' [8:27 PM] Theodore: after i filed a request to delete my fb account [8:27 PM] Theodore: so i told my fren find some way to make him read my last message before the account got deleted completely [8:28 PM] Theodore: actually he completed what i asked him to do, but the way he did it was a bit questionable wasn't it [8:28 PM] Theodore: in some way, he distorted what i said about suicide [8:29 PM] ttd29: Yeah that was totally not cool [8:29 PM] Theodore: anyway, my ex sent me an email to apologize bc i blocked him on all media [8:29 PM] Theodore: before i received the email, i felt like i was reborn [8:30 PM] Theodore: that i could finally give up the past and move on to the new chapter [8:30 PM] Theodore: but then... the email =.= [8:30 PM] Theodore: i just wanted him to read, i didn't want an answer anymore [8:30 PM] Theodore: it is too late for an answer [8:31 PM] Theodore: anyway i got stressed again and my emails sent to him got longer and longer [8:32 PM] Theodore: he eventually responded that he was super tired with this way of talking of mine and that's one of the reasons he gave up the relationship [8:32 PM] Theodore: i guess he had a point, i sometimes feel like im overdramatic about things [8:32 PM] Theodore: and yes when im stressed i'd write a lot and talk a lot [8:32 PM] ttd29: Yeah well [8:33 PM] ttd29: Now where are you guys? [8:33 PM] ttd29: Still exchanging emails? [8:33 PM] Theodore: so fast forward a few emails, i got friendlier and finally connected to him on discord [8:34 PM] Theodore: i dont really use discord but im not ready to reconnect with him on any other platform [8:34 PM] Theodore: so this is the choice [8:35 PM] ttd29: And you guys are talking normally now? [8:35 PM] Theodore: i guess??? idk, i dont feel that way [8:35 PM] Theodore: but, as i said, his mom is going thru cancer treatment [8:35 PM] Theodore: so he must be very busy and, in his words, he did not have the mental capacity for this [8:36 PM] Theodore: so yeah, although i really want to get back, i still feel like im chasing him [8:36 PM] ttd29: Okay got it [8:37 PM] Theodore: id been already texting to a ghost for almost a year, now i still have to try to get his attention [8:37 PM] Theodore: but [8:37 PM] Theodore: i cant blame him because who knows what his situation right now [8:37 PM] ttd29: Was about to ask why do you want to get back together but realize that’s a redundant question lol [8:38 PM] Theodore: here [8:38 PM] Theodore: also cuz he's cute so it's not that easy :frowning: [8:38 PM] ttd29: =))) [8:38 PM] ttd29: Lol [8:39 PM] ttd29: Cute guys are abundant out there waiting for you [8:39 PM] ttd29: Anyway [8:39 PM] Theodore: just enjoy my awkward humor amidst a stressful story [8:39 PM] ttd29: I kind of understand what you’re going through [8:39 PM] ttd29: Enough to know that you wont be rational right now lol [8:39 PM] Theodore: ... [8:39 PM] Theodore: thats disappointing [8:40 PM] ttd29: If i tell you he’s not the right guy for you, would you suddenly stop wanting him? [8:40 PM] ttd29: I don’t think so [8:41 PM] Theodore: that's what u think [8:41 PM] Theodore: this afternoon u said something that was quite impressing [8:41 PM] Theodore: but now it's not cuz i forgot [8:41 PM] ttd29: :slight_smile: [8:41 PM] ttd29: I said [8:41 PM] ttd29: It’s okay to miss someone [8:42 PM] Theodore: here [8:42 PM] ttd29: But you need to be rational enough to know whether they are good for you [8:42 PM] ttd29: That’s the more important part of the equation [8:43 PM] Theodore: it's so pity to give up such a beautiful story like that, i literally could turn it into a wattpad series which makes fangirls cry out every night [8:43 PM] Theodore: what we had together was so romantic and any relationship which came after was incomparable [8:44 PM] ttd29: This right here my fren [8:44 PM] ttd29: Is why every relationship comes after are not comparable [8:45 PM] ttd29: You havent fully dealt with your shit yet so everyone else are just rebounds [8:45 PM] ttd29: You think they would cure you, but you need to cure yourself first [8:45 PM] Theodore: i never found any friends that were so compatible with me like him, let alone a lover [8:46 PM] Theodore: for real, if i had great friends, i could have just turned to my friends and never given a shit about him [8:46 PM] Theodore: but i've always been a lonely person [8:47 PM] ttd29: Do you ever think [8:47 PM] ttd29: You’re so consumed by your pain, that you’re not letting your friends in? [8:47 PM] Theodore: ive been always like this since kindergarten [8:48 PM] ttd29: Like what? [8:48 PM] Theodore: alone [8:49 PM] ttd29: Lol it’s all connected together now [8:50 PM] ttd29: You’re always alone. So once you found someone who cares, you put wayyy too much pressure on that person to care for you [8:50 PM] Theodore: wow [8:50 PM] ttd29: So they cracked [8:51 PM] ttd29: Yeah [8:51 PM] ttd29: At least that’s the vibe I got from our conversations [8:52 PM] ttd29: And then you never really let anyone in to care for you after that person left. [8:52 PM] ttd29: I’m sure your friends really care about you. But you don’t tell them how they can help you so they must be frustrated as well [8:52 PM] ttd29: Hence the suicidal distortion thingy [8:53 PM] ttd29: Maybe they were concerned and wanted to help, but didnt know how to [8:54 PM] Theodore: hmmm [8:54 PM] Theodore: w8 me, im on a phone call w mum [8:54 PM] Theodore: brb [8:54 PM] ttd29: Oke [9:12 PM] Theodore: you are right about the whole thing [9:12 PM] Theodore: i wouldn't say i didn't let anyone care me after he left [9:13 PM] Theodore: it's just hard for me to connect with someone on that deep level [9:13 PM] Theodore: i used to be quite clingy around friends who i found compatible with me [9:14 PM] Theodore: but at the end of the day, i think it's important to know that they also have their own lives [9:14 PM] Theodore: so i dont really have friends anymore, cuz i feel like im bothering them [9:15 PM] ttd29: What is this deep level that you were able to connect with the guy? [9:15 PM] Theodore: yeah i have best friends here and there but i dont find myself comfortable as i was with my ex [9:17 PM] Theodore: he's both a best friend and a lover; we shared a lot of hobbies and favorite topics, ... and also i felt like he would always be there to lend me an ear, unlike a normal friend [9:17 PM] Theodore: which has been proved to be incorrect lol [9:17 PM] ttd29: Sounds like you need a hug lol [9:18 PM] Theodore: i really appreciate that u are staying here to listen to me [9:18 PM] Theodore: and u gave some very interesting insights that no one else did [9:18 PM] Theodore: prolly becuz they didn't care enof, or they just wanted to quickly conclude my problems so they could go to sleep [9:19 PM] ttd29: Haha i’m flattered [9:19 PM] ttd29: Idk you just sound like you really need to talk this out [9:20 PM] Theodore: and now that we're connected on discord, i kept getting mixed signals from him [9:20 PM] ttd29: I believe being able to talk about our problems always help [9:20 PM] Theodore: i'm a bit obsessed to discord recently and i found myself waiting for a dm from him [9:20 PM] Theodore: :neutral_face: [9:21 PM] ttd29: You know what your problem is? [9:21 PM] Theodore: i dont want to... you know... after all the shit ive been thru, i now have to continue waiting for him [9:21 PM] ttd29: You never really get a full closure from him [9:22 PM] ttd29: I mean he just ghosted you out of the blue. Then he only came back and apologized when he thought you were going to committ suicide [9:22 PM] Theodore: yes, please continue [9:22 PM] ttd29: You never got a sincere apology [9:23 PM] Theodore: you are right... [9:23 PM] ttd29: That’s why you’re so hung up [9:23 PM] ttd29: And you got your own problems to fix to [9:23 PM] ttd29: Starting from your “clinginess” [9:24 PM] ttd29: He’s not going to fix that problem for you [9:24 PM] ttd29: And if you guys got back together, you will eventually break up again, because the root of the problem was never resolved [9:24 PM] Theodore: you are right [9:25 PM] ttd29: I don’t want to tell you what to do. But you surely deserve an in-person, sincere apology from him, for leaving you in the worst way possible [9:26 PM] Theodore: i suppose [9:26 PM] Theodore: but he's in an emotional distress, so i cant really blame him, or expect anything from him [9:26 PM] Theodore: im thinking about ending this come-back plan from my side [9:27 PM] Theodore: i think he wont give a shit lol, because he also said we would still break up if none of us changed [9:28 PM] ttd29: Yeah so if he is aware of that [9:28 PM] Theodore: i really thought i had improved myself as a person after all the regret, but now that we found out that i still have a tendency to cling to people i care about and that makes them suffocated [9:28 PM] ttd29: And if he really did love you and respect you enough, he would understand you need this, Theodore. [9:29 PM] ttd29: This is your problem that you need to work on improving [9:29 PM] Theodore: need what? an apology? [9:29 PM] ttd29: Yes [9:29 PM] ttd29: A sincere apology [9:29 PM] ttd29: Not an “i only apologize because i think you’re going to commit suicide” [9:30 PM] Theodore: you are right, the moment i knew that was the reason he apologized, i was shocked and disappointed [9:30 PM] Theodore: shall i keep waiting for anything from him? [9:30 PM] ttd29: Just text him that [9:31 PM] Theodore: no, i dont want to [9:31 PM] ttd29: :))) if i were there, I would snatch the phone from you and text him myself [9:31 PM] Theodore: u seem like a cool friend to be around :)) [9:31 PM] ttd29: You said he was mature enough to know it’s not a good idea to get back together [9:32 PM] ttd29: So be it [9:32 PM] ttd29: But he must admit he was wrong [9:32 PM] ttd29: Wrong to treat you like that [9:32 PM] Theodore: i also asked him for an in-person meeting but he declined becuz he's busy with his mom [9:33 PM] Theodore: i think it will take a long time for him to get over that, and by that time he will have forgotten about me probably lol [9:33 PM] ttd29: Or via text, or via email or whatever. [9:33 PM] ttd29: Get him to apologize sincerely [9:34 PM] Theodore: he did apologize me multiple times [9:34 PM] ttd29: Okay fine [9:34 PM] ttd29: If you’re think they’re sincere then they are [9:34 PM] Theodore: even on discord, one time he asked me how i was doing and i told him about my depression and he apologized [9:34 PM] ttd29: But if they are not then you should get one [9:34 PM] ttd29: Omg no that’s not sincere [9:34 PM] ttd29: :slight_smile: [9:34 PM] Theodore: ??? its not [9:35 PM] Theodore: how do i know [9:35 PM] ttd29: Why must his apology always be connected to your mental state [9:35 PM] Theodore: he's not capable of writing dancing words like me [9:35 PM] Theodore: idk?? [9:35 PM] Theodore: so it's not sincere... [9:36 PM] ttd29: A sincere apology should be when you guys are both in normal state [9:36 PM] ttd29: And you know that he’s really sorry for what he did [9:37 PM] ttd29: Not just because he thinks saying sorry would make you not depressed/want to commit suicide/etc [9:37 PM] Theodore: got it [9:37 PM] Theodore: aww fren thanks for helping me realize it [9:38 PM] Theodore: maybe i still have feelings for him and want us to be back so i did put the bar quite low for an apology [9:38 PM] ttd29: Lol I need to consider becoming a mental therapy [9:39 PM] ttd29: Yeah to be frank I don’t think getting back together is a good idea [9:39 PM] ttd29: You need to deal with your emotional baggage first [9:39 PM] Theodore: okay [9:39 PM] Theodore: so no waiting for him [9:39 PM] ttd29: Yeah!!!! [9:39 PM] ttd29: Work on yourself [9:40 PM] Theodore: ok... [9:40 PM] Theodore: haizzz... [9:40 PM] Theodore: such a beautiful story

[labsvvskalsbd]

Kids Can Be Cruel

Here I sat, thinking to deep once again about my life. At first it started as to how I started to identify myself as an ace, but things lead on as I started to remember more and more of my childhood. It dawned on me that my childhood... is what developed my depression. I never had a real traumatic childhood of growing up on the streets, or having my parents abandon me, or even child abuse. It was nothing like that. I grew up with my mom and dad, who are still together. I lived in a home that would keep us warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I had food to eat and clothes to wear. It was never my home life that really affected me until I was much older (but that's for a different story). I think... no. What I KNOW developed my depression at such a young age was school. I will admit that as a child, I was pretty ugly. Not to mention fat too. I had wild, unkept hair. A fat face that was framed with gross looking glasses, and I wore clothes that my dad picked out for me (which, by the way, my dad isn't exactly the best with fashion). But! I did have a good heart. It wasn't exactly the best thing to have a good heart, though. Sure, I was very nice and I always forgave and forgot type of thing, but I was naive. Very, very naive. I was always alone through kindergarten till 2nd grade because of how shy I was. (I was so shy that I wet myself once because I was too scared to ask the teacher to go to the restroom). So, I came off as the weird, quiet kid during those ages. Since I had no friends, I would just swing on the swing set alone, letting my imagination take off until the end of recess. Third grade is when I started to gain weight rapidly, and my eye sight went bad, so I got glasses. Then people REALLY started to avoid me. Not only was a weird, shy girl, but now I was the weird, shy girl who was fat AND ugly. I became a total outcast. Since I was a very naive, and good spirited person, I never thought that people didn't like me because of how I looked, I thought it was because they thought I was weird. For so long I tried so so hard to be their friend. I would let them narrow my stuff whenever they asked. I would give them answers to the homework, and I'd even let them keep some of my favorite toys (even though it made me really sad to give them away), all because I thought they would be my friend for it. They we're only using me, and I had no idea. I thought that because I was being so nice, they were my friends afterwards because I gave them my stuff. Turns out, that they would only say 'thank you' before never talking to me again until they wanted something else. But to me, they were my friend because they always came to me for stuff!! Of course, things only got worse as the years went on. Fourth grade I got even fatter and was still ugly. (This was probably one of my worst years because they no longer had a swing set for me to swing on, so I'd just sit by myself, looking weird). At least with a swing set, it didn't look so bad by myself because swings were fun. But now, I truly understood I was alone. I also began to realize that only the teachers were nice to me. Since I'm older now, it's because they knew I was a good person, but took pity on me because they also knew I was a huge outcast. Almost everyday since third grade, I would come home crying because I was so frustrated that no one wanted to be my friend and I was still alone. My parents were so heartbroken to see me cry so much because of my lack of friends. I even came up with schemes and ideas that might help me make friends. I joined the softball team because everyone liked people in sports. I was okay at it. I sucked at running because I was fat, but I had a lot of strength, so when I wasn't too afraid to hit the ball, I'd get it pretty decent. Of course, softball didn't work, so I quit because the girls on my team were mean to me too. I thought, "Well, maybe it's my shoes! Everyone has these new shoes! So maybe if I wear them, they'll like me batter!!" I'd run to my parents and beg for the shoes, and they'd cave in. So when I showed up the next day in my new shoes, I was so upset that no one was any nicer to me. I'd come home crying, something that was very common at that point if time because the kids were now calling me names instead of the normal isolation. One time in third grade, we went to a roller rink and it was a snowball dance (lady's choice). I watched as everyone happily skated together with all of their crushes, and I went to a boy who was standing alone. I finally convinced with to skate with me and I was so happy!! I skated with someone!!! But later that night, I was slapped in the face by cold, hard reality when somebody told me that the boy I skated with was being bullied.... because of me. He skated with me out of pity, now he was being bullied for skating with a loser like myself. Of course, I cried. As fifth grade rolled around, it was easily the peak of ugliness for me. There was no doubt about it. I was one of the ugliest girls in school. I used to cry and feel sad all those other years, but now I just got angry. I was looking for any excuse I could to fight someone (of course I never actually did because I wasn't a fighter.... at all. I would cry if I actually hurt someone). The teasing was so bad that boys would come over to swing set and call my 'hippo' and whatnot, so I'd get mad and chase them. As I look back now, I realized that it was all a sick joke.... a sick joke to get me mad enough to chase them, so they could laugh at how slow I was when I ran.... After that day at school, I came home, threw my backpack down and started to cry my whole heart out in the living room. My parents ran over and asked what was wrong and I just put my hands in the air in a defeated and helpless manner and cried, explaining what the boys did. I told them how confused and frustrated I was at nobody being my friend, how I tried everything to fit in, how I was nothing but nice to them.... but they still didn't like me. I found out many years later that on that day, my dad went to his room and cried because he knew I was a good person, and he just wanted to kill all those kids who made me feel so broken and lonely.... sometimes I wish he told me that sooner.... One day in fifth grade, a boy named Bowen moved to my school and he became my locker buddy. When I first him, he was so nice to me. He said hello to me in the morning, he asked how my day was when he'd see me, he always got me to laugh.... of course, he was that way with everyone, but ME????? He was nice to ME too????? It completely blew me away. I ended up falling in love with him. (After a few years, I realized he was a douche, but until then? He was pretty much Jesus to me). I always contemplated whether it was love or not, but now, I know for sure. Bowen was my very first love.... all because he treated me like I was a person.... Everyday, I just fell more and more in love with him every time he asked how my day was, or what I even ate for lunch. It's just really depressing to think about now. How could a child be so broken and desperate for kindness that she falls in love with the very-first-ever person to do it?? It only makes it worse to remember that I was only 9 at the time. 6th grade is when I finally started to slim down. Turns out, all that fat was from me starting to get a growth spurt (which very much shows now as I'm very tall). I also got contacts so that way I didn't have to wear my glasses anymore. Long and behold, suddenly everyone is nicer to me. I didn't know why everyone liked me better now, but I assumed it was because they finally realized that I'm a good person!! And I'm not as weird as they thought I was!! (It was very hard for me to remember those feelings of thinking they realized I was a kind soul, because now, I know it was all because of how I looked that they hated me....). I think it was 6th grade when my depression unknowingly took its root. It only get worse and worse as 7th grade chugged along. Hell, I lost 30 more pounds at that time. I thought it was because I was trying in gym, but now I know it was because my depression took my appetite. At the end of 7th grade, I felt my depression sink in. I was so hard to bare. The constant feeling of loneliness, sadness, and just the fear of becoming fat again was enough to make me have a meltdown in the middle of one of my classes. Things never changed after that. My depression got worse, I lost more and more weight as time went on, and I isolated myself from my family, since they always seems to irk me for no reason. It got so bad that even on simple car rides to Walmart, I wanted to cry out and scream, begging for someone to help me, but I stayed quiet. It wasn't until eighth grade that I finally got help. I dragged myself to the counselor's office and just sat down, letting everything go. My counselor was very surprise, to say the least. I was a great student and always seems happy, so for me to pull myself all the way to her office and suddenly drop a huge load on her really confused her. She made me take a depression test, I scored 117 on it. 60 was the number people scored that needed help..... I had extreme severe depression. She was so relived, yet surprised to find out that I've never self harmed. Of course, I got help and visited her until we finally told my parents, I got on medication for it, and I saw an amazing woman name Tylene to help me with my depression. (She even has this cute Golden Doodle named Spencer!!). Now, I stand above my bathroom sink, staring into the mirror as tears flowed, remembering all of these awful memories. These memories have made me cry so much, even to this day. But, I am proud. I am proud at how far I've come, but sad to think that such a young child had to put up with that.... I'm afraid to love now because of Bowen (who made me realize that I only loved him for showing me basic human kindness). I'm afraid to feel so alone again, I hold all of my friends very near and dear to my heart. But most importantly, I have grown from my naiveness, and I've matured very fast. So yeah,,, kids are mean. Kids are so mean that they can make another kid go into extreme depression with their words and stares. They can make another child feel so helpless that thoughts of suicide echo in their minds, years from now. Kids are so mean, they could break another child so badly, they're afraid to fall in love because it might just be their mind tricking them, into thinking basic human kindness is love. So yeah. Kids can be cruel.... but what can we do, huh?