#verse; I'm not a girl;not yet a woman

[wileys-russo]

santa's biggest fan II l.williamson

part of the mila-verse and a little belated christmas fic i never finished in time santa's biggest fan II l.williamson "okay mils, time for bed bubba!" you clapped your hands together when the movie finished, the end credits rolling and your wife heaving a sigh of relief as your daughter groaned.

"another one! i'm not tired." the small blonde demanded, curling even more into leah who smiled in amusement, but that dropped the moment you gave her a hard look of warning.

"bubba if you don't go to sleep, santa won't come!" the footballer whistled with a firm nod as mila looked up to her in shock. "he only comes when everyone is sleeping." you back her up with another nod.

"okay lets all go to bed come on!" mila announced, launching herself off the lounge and sprinting off in the direction of yours and leahs room.

"mila babe, mummy and i don't go to sleep yet. remember how we talked about grown up bedtime is different to kid bedtime?" you called after her, footsteps thundering back down the hall as you were grateful you didn't still live in the tiny upstairs apartment you and leah first moved into together years before mila was even a thought.

"then why can't i stay up with you? its a special night, mummy said so! that should mean special rules." mila huffed, bottom lip jutting out into an adorable pout as she stomped her foot.

"it is already an hour past your bedtime little miss, now go on jump into bed and we'll come in and read you a special story. right?" leah chimed in, mila shaking her head and with a resoundingly stubborn no! was off and racing around the house again as you and leah shared a knowing look.

"my love i have a feeling this is going to be a long night."

and safe to say you weren't a betting woman but you were right on the money with that predication.

"is she..." you whispered to your wife as she ever so slowly tip toed back into the living room with a quick nod and you exhaled in relief. "how many stories?" you asked with a slight smile of amusement, opening your arms as the blonde sank down into them with a huff.

"the same one, over and over, seven bloody times. i might just add in the murder of that hungry hungry caterpillar the next fucking time i read it!" leah grumbled into your neck, your body vibrating beneath her with a quiet laughter.

"its not funny! god why are kids like this? first it was that awful baby shark song, then it was that awful show about fruit and friendship or whatever, now its the same awful book on repeat!" leah whined as you merely smiled, hand slipping up her hoodie to scratch your nails gently up and down her back.

"kids just like repetition baby its safe for them, they know they won't be disappointed. almost like a defender i know who has had the same pregame routine for...what is it now? ten? eleven years?" you chuckled, leahs head whipping up to scowl down at you as her taller body hovered over yours.

"that is not the same thing!" she whisper yelled defensively as your smile widened into a grin.

"is too. or should we talk about the rotation of bland beige meals you rotate? our daughter has a more adventurous palette than you, at least she can handle some seasoning and colour!" you teased, poking your tongue out in response to her offended scoff.

"i will have you know-" your hand darted up to cover her mouth with a sharp shut up at her raised tone of voice, peeking your head up to glance over your wifes shoulder, sighing in relief when mila didn't appear.

"you know my girl there is another way you could shut me up thats much more pleasant for both of us." leah smirked once you'd removed your hand, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively as you tried to bite back your smile, her arms planting themselves either side of your head.

"is that mistletoe?" leah frowned looking up at the ceiling but the moment you tried to glance up her mouth connected with yours, your fingers pinching her side. "you're unbelievable." you mumbled against her lips with a slight snicker.

"unbelievably sexy? oh baby, how you flatter me." leah gasped sarcastically, once again kissing you quickly before you could reply, settling herself comfortably on top of you as your tongues fought for dominance of the kiss.

but before anyone could win there was an interruption, leah falling off of you in shock and groaning as her back met the floor with a thump.

"i'm not tired and i can't sleep!" mila repeated, stomping her foot with a scowl that was a near mirror image of your wives from where she sat on the floor muttering about her tailbone.

with a deep sigh you sat up, swinging yourself to push off the sofa and scooping up the tiny blonde, settling her on your hip. "well that's too bad mil, it is way past your bedtime!" you carried her back to her room, protests ringing out the entire time.

"story!" the girl demanded as you tucked her back into bed, sighing again and reaching for the book already sat on the bedside table, making yourself comfortable in the armchair by your daughters bed.

"in the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf..."

~

"-then he nibbled a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out and-" "-and he was a beautiful butterfly!" your daughter finished excitedly, clapping her hands and nowhere near close to sleep as you exhaled tiredly and snapped the book shut.

"right i've read this three times now and you're a big girl right bubba? well big girls go to sleep when they're supposed to. so you and gunner-" you paused to adjust the little dinosaur plushie held tightly in your daughters grasp.

"-are going to lay here very quietly together, until you fall asleep. or else no santa! you want santa to come visit right mils?" you ran a hand through her mess of blonde hair as she nodded eagerly.

"mama!" her hand grabbed a fistful of your hoodie as you stood and ducked down to kiss her forehead. "yes baby?" you sighed with a small smile.

"cuddles till i fall asleep? pwease?" the four year old pouted, hitting you with the puppy dog eyes she knew worked like a charm on the pair of you most of the time.

"don't do that mil, you know how to do your L's properly." you warned with a look. "please! please, please, please, please-" mila begged as you sighed, seemingly more tired than she was at this rate and knowing the later she stayed up the later you and leah had to stay up to sort out her presents.

"okay! okay okay. but just for a little while, yeah?" you gave in, gently tugging her hands off you and moving to flick the big light in her room off, leaving only the small red arsenal nightlight illuminating a pathway to her door.

"bubba no-" you tried as you laid down beside her, the four year old climbing basically on top of you, her gunnasaurus plushie squished against your cheek as you exhaled, not bothered for the argument.

one hand moving to tangle in her hair your fingers moved rhythmically against her scalp, feeling her limbs ragdoll as her body became that little bit heavier, her breathing evening out against your collarbone.

you waited a few more minutes until you were sure she was properly asleep before very very carefully moving her back into bed, wincing as you struggled to detatch her arms which seemed to be locked around your neck.

though you didn't make it two steps towards the door before she awoke again, tiredly sitting up and wiping her eyes as you exhaled with a shake of your head.

"mama no! more cuddles." "no more cuddles bubba, time to go to sleep. mama will sit by the door for five minutes until you sleep again, okay?" you bargained quietly, your daughter seeming to accept that with a nod as she sank back down in bed right as you sat down on the floor.

five minutes passed though again as you tried to leave her voice rang out for you to stay and you sank back down to the floor with a frustrated sigh, gently encouraging her to lay down and try to sleep.

ten more minutes and you managed to crawl out of the room without interruption, leaving her door open ajar and returning the living room where your wife was still sat up awake, now bundled beneath a blanket.

"come here." the defender smiled knowingly, moving the blanket and adjusting to give you some room to sit between her legs, patting the sofa encouragingly.

though your ass had barely made contact before it sounded again, now both you and leah groaning quietly.

"mama! mummy! i had a bad dream!"

~

"she's down?" you asked hopefully, now sat comfortably beneath the blanket leah once was, your wife tag teaming to go and lay down with your daughter a half an hour ago, only now emerging.

"for the count." leah confirmed with a tired nod, taking a seat beside you and wiggling beneath the blanket, grabbing your legs and moving them to rest on her lap.

"shit its nearly midnight!" leah realised with a huff, tapping her phone and seeing the time as you hummed, your head resting on her shoulder. "she's a night owl like her mummy!" you teased, patting leahs chest who flicked your ear playfully.

"god i love this movie." you hummed happily, the two of you having been watching bits and pieces of the holiday as you took turns popping in and out of your daughters bedroom to try and get her to succumb to sleep so the pair of you could play santa.

and as your movie finished and there'd been no sight of mila for at least forty minutes now, you readied yourself to do just that, the presents all neatly stacked in your bedroom as leah counted quietly to make sure everything was accounted for.

"-so the bike stays here from us, and the new predator boots go out from santa." leah rolled her eyes at that making you grin, alessia having insisted her goddaughter grew up on predators boots instead of phantoms, something which had driven leah up the wall from the very moment the topic was raised, both you and your best friend adidas athletes while she was with nike.

"i'll go check she's asleep and grab the stocking off her bed, mrs claus." you winked, stealing a kiss from the grumpy blonde whose eyes rolled.

you'd grown up doing christmas a little differently from your wife, the stocking always sat on the foot of your bed rather than hung in the living room, a tradition you'd carried on through your daughter much to leahs protests it made everything ten times harder.

and tonight unfortunately, you were about to find out she was very very right.

you ever so carefully pushed open your daughters door, sticking your head in and surveying the room. "santa?" you heard a tired voice call out groggily, quickly pulling your head back and swearing under your breath, waiting by the door for a moment to see if she'd get up.

but it would seem the small blonde was at least half asleep as no footsteps sounded, and you hurried back to the bedroom where leah was nowhere to be seen, found in the living room meticulously organising the presents beneath the tree.

"we've got a problem." you sighed as she looked up with a frown and an eyebrow raised questioningly. "she's awake still? seriously? its nearly two in the morning babe this is ridiculous!" leah whispered as your eyes rolled.

"sort of, she's not quite asleep but she's not fully awake. we could wait a little while longer?" you sighed tiredly, running a hand through your hair as leah pulled a face.

"you and i both know she's not sleeping past five in the morning babe, no matter when she falls asleep, and i need sleep to deal with our families all day!" leah whined, head thumping against the wall.

"what and i don't leah? we'll just wait ten minutes and i'll check again!" you warned, your wife too tired to protest as she nodded, joining you on the lounge a few moments later.

sure enough when you popped your head in a little while later mila appeared to be sleeping, not a peep heard as you waited a few seconds to be sure, though your breath hitched as she tossed and turned suddenly.

"she's restless, i'm worried she'll wake up." you sighed as you returned to your bedroom where leah was waiting. "you're joking yeah? it'll be fine! lets just get it over and done with." the defender scoffed bluntly, trying to stand from the bed as you pushed at her chest and sent her bouncing back down.

"leah. we are not ruining the magic of christmas for our four year old daughter who loves santa." you growled tiredly, giving her a dirty look before disappearing into the en-suite, rummaging around for something.

"well we're also not being held hostage by that four year old for another hour!" your wife growled right back as she popped up in the doorway. "correct. so, time for plan b!" you stood and leahs hardened face fell seeing what you held in your hands.

"oh absolutely the fuck not. i know what you're thinking babe and thats not happening!"

only a few minutes later, it was most definitely happening despite your wives ongoing grumbles and mumbles of protest as you carefully stuck the cotton wool balls to her face.

"this is fucking ridiculous!" leah grunted unhappily, scrunching her nose up as you finished the makeshift beard, the blonde clad in a matching red arsenal tracksuit with a couple of pillows stuffed up her jumper and a white scarf tied around her waist.

"babe i look like a bloody garden gnome not santa!" leah whined as she caught sight of herself in the mirror and winced, a red arsenal beanie with a funnel under it to create somewhat of a makeshift santa hat teetering precariously on her head.

"she won't notice in the dark if she wakes up leah. you'll just crawl in, try not to wake her, get the stocking. we fill it, you crawl in and put it very carefully back, and we're off to bed!" you recounted, shoving her out of your bedroom and toward your daughters.

"go santa go!" you whispered, hand colliding with her ass encouragingly as she jumped in surprise and turned to give you a filthy look.

"oi you better watch it, elf." the blonde pointed menacingly as your eyes rolled, hiding a smile as your wife dropped to her stomach, pushing mila's door open and very carefully commando crawling inside.

you felt as though you couldn't breathe until she returned, a hand over your mouth to stop from laughing as she crawled out again a moment later dragging the stocking with her.

"don't you dare laugh." the older girl muttered, hitting you in the face with the stocking as the air of you hurried to fill it with presents quickly as possible, your breath again stopped as leah began the crawl inside to put it back.

thankfully despite a few tired mumbles and a sleepy roll over that had leah dropping flat to the floor, her mission was successful and a very sudden burst of adrenaline filled her body as she crawled out and ever so carefully pulled the door shut with a soft click.

your own bedroom door closing you squealed as a body hurtled into yours, a few loose cotton balls falling to hit you in the head as your back hit the mattress and your wife hovered over you with a cheeky grin and an all too familiar glint in her eyes.

"now i think santa deserves a little reward for all her hard hard work tonight my darling, don't you?"

[crimsoncandy04]

I'm secretly obsessed with the yandere Kabukimono thing I wrote about once lk.

So like I kinda thought about it and came up with some more head canons for this alternate universe where Wanderer in his past is obsessed with someone to the point of it being unhealthy.

Kabuki is more gentle natured and naive in comparison to the man he'd eventually become, but he's not an entirely different one at the end of the day and the desire to be wanted by someone would definitely still be there. It's just not as toxic yet.

So I feel like if he were just out and about one day and suddenly locked eyes with a young woman and felt instant and extreme attraction to her, at first he'd kinda freak out but would be ultimately curious about the raging new flow of emotions he's experiencing and would quickly try to speak with her as soon as possible.

After greeting her and having their first conversation together he'd want her attention immediately every day after that and all to himself. As he would figure out very quickly that seeing this girl spend time with others would cause him to feel insecure and paranoid. Fearing that he's not enough for her in some way thus making her want the company of other men and pushing him away.

Personally I don't see Kabukimono doing your typical yandere violence shit.

He's still too sweet.

But that doesn't mean he's not clingy and obsessive here in this verse.

I feel like his empathetic and selfless nature would become his weapon of choice here. And he'd be more emotionally manipulative and controlling but NOT to the extreme of Scara yet. He's still too inexperienced and doesn't want to do something he outright sees as bad yk because he's a sweet guy still? He just doesn't know how to handle his intense feelings here.

He'd probably try to take up all of her time constantly. Always doing as much as possible for her so that she had no reason to seek outside help for anything and always finding ways to make her feel like she had to stay with him for long hours so she didn't have time for anyone else either.

He'd be hesitant to bad mouth anyone but he'd probably try to make a big deal out of things when he sees someone do something questionable like

"someone said they saw _ doing _. I had no idea he was such a selfish person like that. You really shouldn't spend time with people like that Y/N." Or something along those lines.

He'd frame it all as just wanting the best for her and him trying to be considerate while slowly becoming suffocating and stalkery.

And YES. He'd stalk her.

But only because he doesn't understand what he's doing. At least by moral standards.

Kabukimono only understands that he wants to know what this girl's doing constantly because he just enjoys being around her and knowing she's content and safe.

He has absolutely no idea why people keep reprimanding him for hiding in the bushes outside her house and following her while she's out foraging or running errands.

He just wants to always be by her side!

What's wrong with that?

(he has little to no understanding of social cues or rules yet)

When it comes to intimacy, Kabuki is a mix of red flags and green ones. On one hand he's supposed to be a yandere in this scenario and OF COURSE he'd be yearning for a moment of physical affection with his cherished one.

But obviously he wouldn't do anything drastic or vile.

He's still kabu after all.

I feel like he'd be physically touchy anyway, but until he figures out what fornication is, it's mostly just hugs that go on for too long and little cheek kisses and stuff. Like sweet hand holding too.

But after he learns what it means to bed someone, he'd be a man with only one thing on his mind. Yet not because he's some overly horny pervert.

But rather because he's just learned about something new and exciting sounding that would allow him to get VERY close with his beloved. And of course because we're in ancient Inazuma (Japan), I'm sure anything he read about the topic would convince him that he had to be the initiator and dominant one when laying with a woman. So he'd make sure he did it "right" and make the first move like mortal men "should".

I feel like he'd do something embarrassing here just because again, he obviously doesn't understand subtlety or flirtation enough to have any kind of game. So he'd probably just ask over dinner or something and shock everyone. And until he's made aware that it's creepy and inappropriate, he'd probably keep asking too until someone pulled him aside and informed him on why he shouldn't discuss such things in front of people.

However after that (if she eventually gave in) he'd try to do nice things he read about that women supposedly enjoyed. Because after all he'd still want his partner to feel like he's irreplaceable and therefore not want to get rid of him.

He'd try to impress her here a little. In other words.

Also thankfully he's open to suggestions and will immediately listen to anything she says to him during the act.

So if she doesn't like something, she could easily just let him know and he'd stop.

Kabukimono is like the most green flag of a yandere there could ever be.

But his abandonment trauma does make him a little uncomfortably clingy and insecure at times. Especially when it comes to being possibly "overshadowed ' by another person in any way.

From his perspective he wasn't good enough for his creator.

So in his mind the most important thing is that he constantly proves to his beloved that he is irreplaceable and necessary in nearly every aspect of her life.

[venusincleo]

𝙲𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎.

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟶𝟸. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚃𝚒𝚍𝚎.

• • •

Warnings: MDNI • Terry Richmond x Black!OC Eden Laurent, angsty, a lil sad... that's all... 🥲

Summary: After the events in Shelby Springs, Terry moves out of town, and goes to Covington, LA. Messed up about what happened to his cousin, he tries to keep his head low and stack some money. Only halfway effective, with just money to show for his efforts, he slowly spirals with grief before he has a not-so-cute meeting with a young woman on her own healing journey.

Word Count: 1.3k💚

A/N: I'm tapping into my younger self with these shorter parts... {taking it back to my 2014 Wattpad days lmaooo} I hope you enjoy this fic as the story progresses. 🫶🏾

• • •

The silence was deafening. Yet, there were so many elements in her peripheral, the young woman found herself glancing around the room every few seconds. The quiet tick of the analog clock right above the door, the short stints of heavier breath whenever one of her only students laughed at a TikTok on their phones. The calming woosh of the timed heater turning back on to fill the room with warmth. The ever-so-light taps of her nude brown pointe shoes against the carpeted dance studio. Eden had tried today.

She woke up and prayed to the Most High to give her courage, and to allow her to get out of her own way. She wore an ensemble fit to teach her favorite contemporary moves; adorned in her ballet cardigan and stirrup leggings. Her hair was beautifully curly and large, giving her an extra boost of confidence, and she felt good.

That was, until she walked the halls, perused the popular spots around the school to play hookie, snuck into the gym to promote her class, and still got nothing. Smiles that read ‘yeah, okay, bye.’ were her only replies, and now, she was sitting in her assigned room frowning at her phone like the two girls who always sat with her. They only ever said ‘hi’ and ‘bye’, and every once and a while asked to learn a TikTok dance. But that was it. 2 out of 415.

She allowed a sigh to leave her lips, and glanced from her phone up at the analog clock, and then back at her Instagram feed. Scrolling and scrolling.

After seeing one too many celebration posts from people she went to college with, who seemed to be doing way better than her, she exited the app in a hurry. Quick taps of her manicured digits helped her rake her brain for something that she could do, and soon, a lightbulb went off.

Navigating to her camera roll, she scrolled through her many videos of rough choreography and found her favorite one, then set her phone in her lap. As she rummaged through her Telfar, she grasped at her AirPod case, and then she was putting her left headphone in to watch the video. Tinashe’s Bouncin’, Pt.2 came through her AirPod and she watched her body flow around the slowed down melody and watery synths.

Her body moved slightly as her muscles remembered the majorette inspired routine, the words playing in her mind as she immersed herself in the recording. Hands up, back arched, hip popped, toes pointed.

She watched every movement, down to her facial expressions and just as the routine picked up –gained a soulful momentum– it fell back down. What was that? She rewinds the video and right at the part where Tinashe says ‘just like this…’ the energy is flat. Gone.

Pursing her lips in thought, she plays the choreo demo from the beginning but this time she closes her eyes to feel the song. ‘Watch it bouncin’ on the ground…’

She does the 8-count twice over in her mind, and then when she gets to the verse, she starts to think of something. Her fingers twitch as she imagines her hands outstretched, meeting in the middle of her chest, ‘can’t get any closer now…’.

Her eyes pop open, and she starts it over yet again, trying to think of another move or another, or another.

Briiiiiinnnng. The school bell rings, and the two girls are halfway out the door, leaving her to contemplate. Why can’t I get this…what is it missing?

The intercom clicks on with the after-school announcements, and she makes sure to grab her bag, checking around where she sat as not to leave anything. Once she cuts the light off and steps out of the desolate studio, she can hear the faint ding of a notification from her phone. With a slight tap to her home screen, she reveals the message to see an unsaved number.

‘Hey this is Terry from the store.’

Eden’s eyebrows raise in surprise, and she readies her thumbs at the keyboard to respond. Only, nothing comes to her just that quick. I didn’t expect for him to reach out. She reasoned. By the third day that she hadn’t gotten a text, she just assumed he wasn’t interested in her advice. And she was fine with that.

With swift glides along the digital keyboard, she queues up a reply, and then follows it up rather quickly.

Hi Terry 👋🏾

How’s your day been?

Eh not the best… how about you?

It was fine…wanna talk about it?

You free for me to call?

Eden looks up at the foot traffic heading out of the school, and she sighs.

I will be in a few

Terry looked at his screen for a moment longer, his shoulders rising and falling slowly as he stood in thought. He really needed a distraction…something…

cool.. call me when you can

After sending the message, he shoved the cool device into his pocket and ventured for the back room yet again. He was really supposed to be taking his lunch break, but his mind wouldn’t let him rest for too long without asking him harsh questions… Why Mike…why not me?

Unfortunately, sitting at the cold steel table in the break room with nothing good to occupy his time was too much to handle. He had to keep his body moving. Anything involving an accelerated heart rate was enough to act as a chaser to this survivor’s guilt that was plaguing him. And he needed something for the burn.

His footsteps were quiet as he basically snuck back to work. Quiet, but not enough to hide his large stature between the wide aisles of the warehouse. And of course, he was caught before he could really get his hands busy doing something.

“Richmond!” His supervisor’s voice was tinny, and he huffed through his nose at the sound. With a sharp pivot of his feet, he directly faced the average height, bald, white man.

“Head to the breakroom, you’re about to hit compliance.”

“Yes, sir.”

Terry’s footsteps were a bit heavier now, dragging just slightly as he took his sweet old time walking to the breakroom. Once he was under the warm light he dreaded, he made his way to the time clock and punched out for his break with a little over a minute to spare. Reluctantly, he beelined for his locker, and grabbed his Stanley transit bottle then his generic store brand water.

Just as he closed his locker door, his phone vibrated in his pocket, and he took it out to see Eden’s name. Instantly, he opened his locker back up and grabbed his work jacket, then locked it to prepare for his next thirty minutes.

Hoping not to miss the call, Terry tapped on the green answer button and put his phone to his ear as he exited the side door of his workplace. Going for his usual seat far from the rest of the benches, he heard a sweet voice call to him.

“Hello?”

“Yeah,” He clears his throat nervously. What am I even doing? “Sorry, I was clocking out for my break. I hope your day was better than mine.”

“Tell me about it… What’s been going on?” Terry hesitates. One second. Three…Six…Ten…

“U-Uh… I think it’s best I tell you more about myself before I start pouring my heart out…” He trails off, half-way expecting her to say she couldn’t care less. That she didn’t give a damn that his cousin died. That she had no sympathy for whether or not he could sleep without something on loud enough to drown out the noise. The pain. The memories.

“I’ve got time. Where did you wanna start?”

• • •

♥︎ I do not condone any translations, replications or plagiarisms of my original work. Please do not repost as your own. Reblogs and comments/notes welcome. ♥︎

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@onherereading

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[realitycanbewhateveridesire]

ABOUT MY ARCANE DR <3

ngl, talking about my dr feels so embarassing

In this reality, I am the second Kiramman daughter and younger sister of Caitlyn Kirmman by 3 years. Due to me being kidnapped as a toddler and...shenanigans happening I guess, I spent a big portion of my childhood in the Undercity/Zaun living with Vander as part of his makeshift family. I haven't thought much about my place in the story, but I am supplying the Firelights with info and tech from Topside and trying to help as much as I can while living in Piltover (and kinda under the watchful gaze of my parents). There's also the part, where I basically died in my CR and got isekai'ed into Arcane-verse.

To be honest, I am just dropping myself into the story with only a barebones backstory and no idea what I wanna do.

☆ MY BACKSTORY

i am just gonna directly drop what's currently in my script here

(also please, just keep in mind that i based my backstory kinda on a fanfic and also am horrible at writing stuff. and i apologize for it being kinda long and goofy...and frankly, not making sense in some parts. i'm sorry vera leigh, please forgive me.)

In my first life (my CR life), I was a mediocre girl-woman-child. One, dissatisfied with her life. Age-wise, I barely made it out of the girlhood. Still yet, I lacked the maturity of an adult and desparately clung to my fleeting childhood years. I clung to childish daydreams and fantasies. Dreaming of life filled with wonder, comfort and magic. I was spoiled and ungrateful for all the things others have done for me. That life ended rather pathetically. At the age of nineteen, being hit by a truck after trying to cross the road.

I was floating in the vast nothingness. At ease, almost unfeeling, unthinking. Numb. It was the strangest feeling. I felt…almost glad. Satisfied.

That peace did not last, it seemed, as I was pulled, torn, from it and made to wake up anew.

I was born again on a late morning/near noon of February 28th 973 AN, a second child and daughter to Cassandra Kiramman and Tobias Kiramman. As Lillian Kiramman. Sister of Caitlyn Kiramman.

I had no recollection of my past life. Not yet, at least. It would only come to me later on.

I was a difficult and needy child. Unaware of it at the time, I was born with the ability to “dream”. Not prophetic visions of future, but visions of the present. Those mental images came to me in bursts, sometimes threatening to tear at my sanity bit by bit. The resulting outbursts went far beyond that of a normal infant/small child. It made me wail and cry, and scream for hours on end, without a sign of stopping. Day and night. Hitting my head with my tiny hands in distress, until a maid or nanny would come to pry them away from it. Little could calm me, aside from the calming touch and proximity of one of my parents. Especially, my mother. Yet even then, it didn’t seem enough. My suffering tore their hearts, as they tried to find anything to help me, to fix it. Fix me. They had various doctors check my health, spoke with scholars and psychologists, etc. But nothing helped as they still couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Between the helplessness and exhaustion, the situation overwhelmed them. Even as they loved me fiercely, they couldn’t help to sometimes wish for an “easier” child.

Those thoughts would come back to haunt them, after I was kidnapped as a mere toddler.

With the violent and cutthroat nature of the Undercity’s/Zaun’s criminal underbelly, it didn’t take long for my captors to be eliminated by their rivals. Following the chaos that ensued, I fell through the cracks. Ending up in the streets, before being taken to be a part of experiments conducted by a chem-baron. I was rescued by Vander, who took me in.

I spent the next years living with him and my adopted siblings: Vi/Violet, Powder, Mylo and Claggor.

At the age of around 13 years old, I took part in my siblings’ attempted heist on the Kiramman workshop/Jayce Talis’s apartment. The one ending up in the explosion caused by the hextech crystals. After that, we tried to lay low. Until we couldn’t.

And when Vander was kidnapped and my older siblings went on to rescue him, I was left behind in the Last Drop alongside Powder. And snuck out along with her, wanting to help/save my siblings.

In the end, we failed. I failed. Left unconscious among the rubble, miraculously without any lethal injuries. It was Ekko, who pulled me out of there.

And when once again, I was back on my feet even if barely, injured and running from Silco’s people as they hunted me down. I fell into the hands of enforcers.

After the Sheriff Grayson’s death, the enforcers were in disarray. My arrest case ended up getting mixed up with another case, leading to them taking a DNA sample from me. And accidentally discovering that I was the lost Kiramman child.

Marcus took this as yet another opportunity to give himself credit. As the one who arrested me, he would take all the glory. He fabricated an entire story about Vander, the Hound of the Underground possibly being my kidnapper. Of him brainwashing me into thinking of him as my family. A tale he presented to my family, in case I decided to run my mouth about his involvement in Sheriff Grayson’s death.

I was “returned home” to my biological family in Piltover.

As expected, I didn’t take well at all to this new development. I might have been a Kiramman by blood, yet I grew up as a Zaunite. My heart belonged largely in the Undercity. Furthermore, I was envelopped in grief surrounding the deaths of my adopted siblings and adoptive father. As my parents tried their best to undo the brainwashing, they assumed I was under.

To add salt to the injury, it was only by the age of fourteen, that the memories of my prievious life and my reincarnation returned to me. Only then, I became aware that I was reincarnated into the world of that distant past self’s favorite story.

It was already too late to prevent the tragedy, which split the two sisters apart. But I knew the trajectory of what would happen in years following.

I focused on getting stronger. I’ve honed my skills with the firearms. Picked up martial arts.

From young age, I exhibited a keen intellect, curiosity and thirst for knowledge that surpassed my years.

I’ve devoured any piece of knowledge I could. I collected knowledge from anything I could get my hands on and devoured books on various subjects amd topics. I educated myself about Runeterra as much as I could.

Throughout my childhood in the Undercity, I flirted with the idea of exploring my powers. The people performing experiments on me, were also quite interested by my ability to “dream”.

At the age of fourteen, I found it could prove a useful tool for my plans. I delved into my visions, almost sacrificing my sanity as I memorized all that could prove useful. I tried to get my hands on books about occult and magic tomes. Hoping they would give me the answer, one that I was looking for.

In the end, I achieved partial control over my “sight”, alongside awakening some other powers. The visions still came to me in my sleep. But most times, I was able to control it. Control myself in my dreams as I travelled wherever I wanted, separated from my physical body. In my dreams, I walked through the Undercity’s streets, burning every shortcut, nook and cranny that I’ve never seen before, into my memory. I’ve seen the inside of Noxian warrooms, the farmlands of Demacia, the ice-covered lands of Freljord, the beauty of the Ionian archipelago, the Bilgewater ports, the jungles of Ixtal, the sands of Shurima. And much more. Yet, my attention remained mostly on Piltover and Zaun. And the people, I once saw only upon a screen. Those, I knew in this life.

I observed Powder as she evolved into Jinx, under the aegis of Silco. I observed Vi, in the Stillwater’s Hold prison. I had observed Viktor and Jayce, as they developed Hextech. I had observed Ekko, as he persevered and with the help of others, created the Firelights.

The Kirammans were Jayce’s patrons. And he was somewhat of a family friend and an older brother figure to Caitlyn. It was inevitable for us to interact and become acquinted with one another. And while we never became as close, as him and Caitlyn, we somewhat got along.

It is through Jayce, that I met Viktor. With my parents trying to control who I interacted with and him being the first Zaunite living in Piltover that I met and the only Zaunite I was (begrudingly) allowed to interact with, he instantly became my friend. That and his sarcastic nature, which instantly made me like him.

Ekko was already a close childhood friend of mine. Despite my parents’ watchful gaze and them guarding me from anything Undercity-related, I was accustomed to sneaking around in the shadows and hiding secrets. Courtesy of having grown up as a Fissure-native. Ekko tracked me down. I tracked him too. We had a reunion, had a talk. About everything we’ve been up to, everything that has happened to us. Ekko brought me up to date in regards to the Undercity (I knew of some developments already through my powers). He told me about the Firelights. In the end, I became a secret informant and ally of the Firelights. Supplying them with info and tech from Topside.

...

(and that's basically it for now lol. i'll admit my backstory's unfinished. i'm just inserting myself to shift sometime close before the act 1 of season 1 events and letting stuff happen from there.)

In terms of powers and fighting, I gave myself basic things like combat skills, flexibility and speed to avoid getting killed. I haven't even fully specified in my mind what my "sight" ability is but it's sorta a cross between prophetic dreams and astral projection. I'm also probably gonna give myself airbending or waterbending. Simply because I can.

....

And...I guess that's all I have for now.

If you managed to get through that wall of text, then thank you <3

[barleyo]

Take Me to Church.

Priest! Miguel O'Hara X Fem! Reader (smut)

A/N: Hello, my blessings! I hope you all can see what I was going for with this, I mean, Miguel is Catholic. I also hope this doesn't seem rushed! I'm not very well versed in religion, so I hope none of this comes off as blasphemous or disrespectful. Much love to all of you, and thank you for your continued support!

Wordcount: 3.3K

Tags: Dub-con, loss of virginity, manipulation, p in v, coercion, power dynamic, abuse of power, use of "Father" in a religious way, not an inc*stual way, HEAVY talk of religion (sin, penance, etc.), oral (f receiving), desk fucking, implied age gap

Miguel O’Hara was the leader of his local congregation. He was a devout man, trusting God’s will above anything else, and leading the church to trust just the same. He led them onto a holy path, clear of temptation and sin.

He himself, however, was not free from these temptations. No matter how much he had prayed to clear himself of these thoughts, they still remained. He beseeched God to forgive him for what he had thought, what he had felt. 

Nothing seemed to stop his mind from falling into the gutter, especially not her presence. 

Lord, forgive him for his sins. 

Forgive him for giving into her allurement. 

(Y/N) had knocked on Miguel’s office door. Normally, she would refrain and not impose on his valuable time, but for some time, something had bothered her deeply. Having nobody else to turn to, she came to his door, tail figuratively between her legs. 

“Father O’Hara? May I come in?”

“Yes, my child, do come in,” he said, his voice kind, yet firm. 

She walked in, awkwardly closing the door behind her and standing by the door. 

“Please, sit.” He pointed to a chair across from his desk, and removed his small reading glasses that sat on the tip of his nose. He removed the small stack of papers that he had been going through off of his desk, turning his full attention to the woman. “What seems to be the issue?”

“Apologies, I don’t mean to take up any of your time, I can see that you’re busy–”

“Nonsense, child. I am never too busy to give assistance to one in need. So?”

“Right, right.” She took a deep breath, clenching her fists in her lap. She quickly started muttering something under her breath before looking up to meet his eyes. 

He looked at her with his deep, dark eyes, filled with curiosity. Part of her felt that he could see right to her soul, that he knew exactly why she was there. Perhaps he had known the second it started. 

“Come now,” he said, arms crossed over the desk while he looked at her, head slightly tilted, “you are safe here with me. Unburden yourself and your soul, dear girl.” 

“Father, I– I believe that I need to look for forgiveness from God.”

“And why would that be?”

“My mind, Father,” (Y/N) said, chewing on the inside of her cheek, pricking blood from the thin skin.

“Ah, a matter of the mind, is it?” His brows furrowed together, creating a small dimpling near his forehead. Shifting in his chair, Miguel straightened his posture, as if he were preparing himself for what she had to say after the fact. “Care to explain further?”

“They’re bad thoughts, sexual in nature. And, I just feel that,” she paused to swallow a lump in her throat, briefly covering her mouth while she did so, “that they plague me.”

He felt his chest tighten. She felt what he had felt, though, he doubted for the same reason. 

Miguel hummed, clearing his throat quickly. “Is that so? So, you have been having unwanted sexual thoughts?” 

(Y/N) clung onto his words, feeling her face flush when hearing him say it out loud. “Yes, but that isn’t all. I— well, goodness, I’m so embarrassed.” She held her face in one of her hands, looking down at Miguel’s own hands that laid flat on the desk, avoiding his deep gaze.

She felt one of them reach out to lay over one of her hands, even before she could see it happen. Her head tilted up to see his face morph into a look of reassurance. 

“Do not let shame stop you from seeking full forgiveness.” Letting his hand linger for a second longer than he knew was acceptable, he slowly inched it away and continued with a sigh. “Speak only the truth, and allow me to guide you into the comfort of God’s shining light. Go on, now.”

“I have given into these desires.” She hung her head, face contorted into an ashamed look, eyebrows knitted together and mouth in a tight, thin line. She sat and waited for him to respond to her confession, but heard nothing. “Father O’Hara…?”

Miguel felt his face grow warm. Unsure if the tightness he felt in his chest was jealousy or judgment, he simply kept quiet, thinking over the woman’s words. 

Finally, he spoke, with a slight cracking in his voice, straining out of his throat. “With a man?” he asked, not sure if he wanted the answer.

“No–! No, Father, no, certainly not,” she rushed, trying to clear her name as quickly as possible. “Certainly not, no. It’s not that.”

“Then what have you done?” His heartbeat slowed once more, feeling a bit relieved. 

“It was only once, maybe twice, that I’ve done it– touched myself with these thoughts in mind.” (Y/N) absentmindedly rubbed at her temples while she spoke.

He felt a pang of guilt strike his chest as his pants tightened slightly. He knew it was wrong, he shouldn’t have been excited over this, but how could he control himself? 

“It’s perverse and explicit, I cannot go into detail, for my own sake, but just know that my actions have haunted me since, and I just don’t know what to do. Father, I need your help.”

She was weak in her flesh and desire, it would be easy to prey on her, to fulfill his own desires. She was malleable under his guidance, and he knew it. Miguel also knew that what he felt was wrong, but it did not stop him from hesitating to answer her plea, mulling over what to do with his influence. His heart and mind were fighting, passion and righteousness in an entanglement he wasn’t sure his body could host much longer. 

“Your sins will be forgiven, as they always will be,” he said, “but you must reach out to God to fight against the base desires that you have given into. We all sin, do we not?” 

“We do, yes,” (Y/N) answered, lips coated in shiny spit from her incessant chewing and biting as she tried to keep herself grounded.

Miguel felt his eyes dip to her lips, the clear sheen of saliva practically sparkling in the low light of his office.

“Right, well,” he shook himself out of it, “we all sin, and God makes no exceptions. As long as you seek out his light, his light will shine on you, and you will be forgiven, my dear. Believe in that, and believe in the love God has for you.”

Miguel O’Hara was the leader of his local congregation. He was a man of God. He served God, and only God. He should not think these things, he knew better. 

Why couldn’t he keep his mind off of her? Why couldn't he be the holy, resilient man he knew he needed to be?

The second she left his office that day, he could not stop himself. His mind raced while he imagined what she was doing on her evenings alone. It drove him crazy. Had she gone back on what she promised? Was she sinning again, hands between her legs, panties to her knees, wanton moans escaping her spit-soaked, puffy lips?

He thought he was stronger than this, and yet there he was, praying to God for the strength to fight against his urges, urges he had for that sinful, tempting woman. A woman who returned the next week with the same problem.

“I must say, my dear, I am extremely disappointed in you,” he said, standing behind her chair, leaning down to her ear. 

He was a hypocrite, and he knew it. He was a sinner, a filthy sinner, and he knew it.

“Father, I–”

“Quiet down.” He placed his finger over her lip, silencing her while he continued. “You have forgotten my words. You trail out of God���s light, do you refuse forgiveness? Do you enjoy this sin?”

“No, Father O’Hara. I’m sorry,” (Y/N) choked a sob back. She felt her tears stream down her face faster than she could wipe them off. 

“Penance, I’m afraid, is not a fitting punishment, dear girl. God has not turned away from you, and he never will, but,” he whispered, placing his hand under her chin and forcing him to look at him from her chair, “you must pay for what you have done. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know,” she sniffed deeply. “What must I do?”

“Do not worry about that, I shall show you. Here,” he stood up straight and tapped on his desk, “sit here.”

(Y/N) followed his directions and sat facing him. “I don’t understand, what will this do?”

Miguel didn’t answer her, instead slotting himself between her legs, kneeling before her and looking up to her through hooded eyes. He pried her legs apart with his hands, pushed her skirt upwards, and leaned in, exhaling against her clothed cunt. 

“Look at that,” he nudged the wet patch on the front of her panties. “Is this what your thoughts are about?” he asked, eyes still focused on her heat. “Hm?”

“N-no, no that would be wrong!” She tried to close to her legs, but her hands held them forcefully apart.

“Do not lie in the house of God, my child,” he said flatly.

“This– this is wrong–!” She interrupted her own sentence with a small moan as she felt him lick a stripe of the fabric of her panties.

“There is nothing wrong with me absolving you of your sin, that’s all I am doing. I shall let your sin travel from inside of you to the outside. Do you not want to be free of your evil thoughts?”

A look of confliction flashed on her face. “But we aren’t married, isn’t this sinful in itself?”

“God commands me to take no wife, we are both free from that. It is my duty to guide your soul onto a holy path, won’t you let me do that?” Miguel slipped her panties down to her ankles, waiting for her to answer him.

“Father… please, just please— help me,” (Y/N) said, eyes darting away from him, shame creeping all over her body. 

Miguel O’Hara was the leader of his local congregation. He was a man of God. He served God, and only God. He should not think these things, he knew better. 

Why couldn’t he keep his mind off of her? Why couldn't he be the holy, resilient man he knew he needed to be?

The second she left his office that day, he could not stop himself. His mind raced while he imagined what she was doing on her evenings alone. It drove him crazy. Had she gone back on what she promised? Was she sinning again, hands between her legs, panties to her knees, wanton moans escaping her spit-soaked, puffy lips?

He thought he was stronger than this, and yet there he was, praying to God for the strength to fight against his urges, urges he had for that sinful, tempting woman. A woman who returned the next week with the same problem.

“I must say, my dear, I am extremely disappointed in you,” he said, standing behind her chair, leaning down to her ear. 

He was a hypocrite, and he knew it. He was a sinner, a filthy sinner, and he knew it.

“Father, I–”

“Quiet down.” He placed his finger over her lip, silencing her while he continued. “You have forgotten my words. You trail out of God’s light, do you refuse forgiveness? Do you enjoy this sin?”

“No, Father O’Hara. I’m sorry,” (Y/N) choked a sob back. She felt her tears stream down her face faster than she could wipe them off. 

“Penance, I’m afraid, is not a fitting punishment, dear girl. God has not turned away from you, and he never will, but,” he whispered, placing his hand under her chin and forcing her to look at him from her chair, “you must pay for what you have done. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know,” she sniffed deeply. “What must I do?”

“Do not worry about that, I shall show you. Here,” he stood up straight and tapped on his desk, “sit here.”

(Y/N) followed his directions and sat facing him. “I don’t understand, what will this do?”

Miguel didn’t answer her, instead slotting himself between her legs, kneeling before her and looking up to her through hooded eyes. He pried her legs apart with his hands, pushed her skirt upwards, and leaned in, exhaling against her clothed cunt. 

“Look at that,” he nudged the wet patch on the front of her panties. “Is this what your thoughts are about?” he asked, eyes still focused on her heat. “Hm?”

“N-no, no that would be wrong!” She tried to close to her legs, but his hands held them forcefully apart.

“Do not lie in the house of God, my child,” he said flatly.

“This– this is wrong–!” She interrupted her own sentence with a small moan as she felt him lick a stripe of the fabric of her panties.

“There is nothing wrong with me absolving you of your sin, that’s all I am doing. I shall let your sin travel from inside of you to the outside. Do you not want to be free of your evil thoughts?”

A look of confliction flashed on her face. “But we aren’t married, isn’t this sinful in itself?”

“God commands me to take no wife, we are both free from that. It is my duty to guide your soul onto a holy path, won’t you let me do that?” Miguel slipped her panties down to her ankles, waiting for her to answer him.

“Father… please, just please— help me,” (Y/N) said, eyes darting away from him, shame creeping all over her body. 

A hot, wet feeling placed itself between her thighs. Miguel spread her legs as far as they would go while he delved into her, tongue working through her slick folds. 

“You are already wet, you really were thinking of this, weren't you?” 

He smirked and brought his head back down, placing wet, messy kisses from her inner thigh to her throbbing clit. He honed in on the nub, wrapping his chapped lips around it and swirling it around with his tongue. 

(Y/N) looked down and watched as his brown hair moved back and forth as he lapped at her cunt. Hesitating, she reached her hand out and gripped his hair, holding him in place, and rolling her hips onto his face. Her hips stuttered as she moved, moans catching in her throat. 

“F–Father, it feels– I feel—”

“I know, you are very close.” 

She looked confused, not sure what he meant. “Huh–?”

Miguel pulled her hand out of his hair and pushed her down on the desk, flat with her legs in the air. He spat directly onto her cunt, spreading it with his tongue. He craned his head back and locked eyes with her, replacing his mouth with his fingers, circling her clit quickly with his thumb.

“Do you feel that tightness building up?”

“Yes, make it stop, it feels odd, please. Make it stop,” she said, grabbing onto his wrist while her rubbed her. 

Miguel shushed her, placing his other hand on her thigh. “Just wait, (Y/N).” 

Thumb still focused on her bud, he pushed his tongue into her entrance, feeling her tight walls fight and clench against his prodding. He slurped at her walls and dripping arousal. 

“No, no– I–!”

Her hips involuntarily rolled against his face one final time before she felt the tight coil in her stomach burst. Her thighs squeezed over Miguel’s head and kept him in place as she came, legs shaking and mind blurring. 

(Y/N) let go of his head quickly, sitting up on the desk and pulling away from him. He wiped her slick from his mouth and chin, cleaning his face from the sheen of her cum. 

“Father O’Hara, are you okay? I didn’t mean to do that, I don’t know what came over me…”

“Hush, now. Save your words for what is to come,” he said, standing to his full height. 

He pulled her body back to the edge, pushing her down, flat on her back. Pulling himself out of his pants, he adjusted right at her entrance. Before pushing in, he took hold of both of her hands, holding them above her head. 

“This will hurt. You will bleed, but you must relax. Do you understand?” He saw her nod. “Good girl.”

He pushed into her, slowly inching his tip forward. (Y/N)’s hands clenched, fingers dug into her palms while he painstakingly forced his hips further. 

“Relax,” Miguel whispered as he dipped his head down to be level with her ear, “don’t squeeze so tight, just let me work you open.”

He bottomed out, sliding all of his length into her. 

“No, hurts s’bad, can’t take it ‘nymore!” She whined loudly, tears flowing out of her eyes due to the harsh stretch of his cock.

He was so big, and she was so small. He should have been careful with her, and he should have treated her like the fragile little thing she was.

It only made him fuck her rougher. 

His muscled hips pull out of her, tip barely staying inside.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t take it, I–”

“Yes, you can.”

He snapped into her. His thrust knocked the wind out of her lungs, having her choke on her words. (Y/N)’s hands immediately flew to his clothed shoulders, gripping onto them. To steady herself, she dug further into them, practically ripping the fabric of his shirt. 

The sound of her half-pained, half-pleasured noises send him back to his movements. He starts thrusting, quickly fucking into her heat. 

“You are taking me so well, you sure it’s your first time?” he asks, smirking.

“Yes, Father. I-I’ve never done this before,” she said through gritted teeth, “Dunno if ‘m doin’ it right.”

Miguel grunted and deepened his strokes. “Just let me do it, just gotta– gotta sit there n’ take it.” He allowed himself to kiss the tip of her cervix with his cock’s head, shallowly impacting onto the sensitive spot. 

His hands fall to her hips. He grips onto them and holds her in place, keeping his brutal pace. He eyed the thick, white ring of her arousal forming on the base of his thick length, watching it grow and shift as he pounded into her fluttery walls.

“S’happening again, fix it–! Please, Father,” she felt a strong pang of ecstacy crash over her.

“Mhm..”

A few scattered thrusts nudged her over the edge. (Y/N)’s walls clenched repeatedly over Miguel’s dick, squeezing him tightly with her velvety, slick cunt. 

“Fuck, c’mon now, relax.” His eyebrows knitted together as he massaged her hips, trying to get her to relax. “So tight, damn.” He finally pulled himself out and took to pumping himself in his hand. (Y/N) watched him fist his cock between her legs.

“Ah–”

He came onto his palm. The sticky, thin seed covered his palm. Miguel licked his cum off of his hand, watching as (Y/N)’s face heated up as he did. He cleaned it off, letting his tongue dart between his fingers to tease the girl before stopping and wiping the rest onto the girl’s cheek. 

“Come, down now,” he said, pulling her off of the desk. He chuckled as she stumbled over to the door, legs weak. 

“Thank you, Father,” (Y/N) croaked out, holding onto the doorknob. “But, what– if I keep thinking those thoughts, what do I do? Will I be forgiven?”

Miguel took his spot at his desk, wiping away at the wet spots left on the wood. 

“If you continue to be plagued by such thoughts,” he said, “do not be afraid to come back to my office. Remember, we all sin, but we can always fight for forgiveness.”

[zerokurokawa]

I absolutely love your writing so I'm back for more!

I really like the whole song prompt idea since I usually listen to music while scrolling through here so I wanna keep that going.

This one is gonna be based on I'd Rather Go Blind by Etta James (or by Beyoncé up to you)

Im think cheater!bonten!Ran x singer!reader, where reader has known for a long time about ran's cheating but decides to not leave him. Reader would eventually have to perform the song (the one above) infront of bonten. I feel like when Ran finally realizes the song is about him he would try his hardest to push through the rest of the performance, he's ofc infront of Mikey and the others so he would try to stay and act nonchalant but wouldn't be able to due to all the staring coming from Mikey. (I also feel like the entirety of bonten would see reader as a sweetheart who's just trying to make it through) I feel like they wouldn't be fazed by his cheating but more so surprised about him cheating on reader of all things yk?

Omg that's a lot but I truly believe you can bring it too life!

(also please feel better soon!!!)

I'd Rather Go Blind | Bonten!Ran x Reader (Cheating) </3

You were talented, exquisite, poise, and perfect all around. How could this have happened to you? Finding out through the great vine of people and connections you had that Ran, your long time boyfriend, had been fooling around on you was not supposed to be apart of your life's story. Being a club owner had its perks, you supposed as you thought about the copious amount of women he came across while partying and running the damn thing. 

You often performed at this very club. You sang like an angel sent down straight from heaven and Ran often paid you extra on the nights that you took over to perform. People from all over the city would come and see you and they knew you by name, asking if you were the that was going to be putting on a show tonight. You were practically famous in Roppongi. 

Yet here you were, begging yourself to get it together after reading the messages that were sent to you anonymously through text about Ran messing around. You had a show to put on tonight, everybody was going to be there as well. As you gathered yourself together and looked in the mirror, a small tear fell from your left eye and landed on your cheek. You dabbed it off with a napkin and whispered to yourself, "Showtime". 

______________________________________________________________

There, on stage in an elegant evening gown, you stood. Smiling and greeting everyone while the thoughts of him being with another woman ran through your mind. You had told the backstage crew already which song you were going to sing, and it was a ballad towards your lost love. 

The music began and you saw Ran sitting in the crowd, smile glistening at you as you were his pride and joy. Disgust came across your face, as you noticed he had not a single clue that you knew. 

Something told me it was over When I saw you and her talkin' Something deep down in my soul said, 'Cry, girl' When I saw you and that girl walkin' around...

You continued to sing, watching as Ran was starting to shift uncomfortably in his seat. His face remained nonchalant as you reached the chorus of the song. Mikey and Rindou, who were sitting next to him, noticed his behavior and began to stare, questioning his nervous antics. 

I would rather, I would rather go blind boy Than to see you walk away from me child, and all...

Ran would finally get the hint, the song was directed towards him as he saw the anger begin to spread across your face. The lyrics, the body language, everything... he knew that you knew. 

So you see, I love you so much That I don't want to watch you leave me baby Most of all, I just don't, I just don't want to be free no...

It was this verse alone that made Ran stand up to leave. He had enough of the guilt, the embarrassment. He knew that Mikey and the others knew. He knew that you normally only performed upbeat pop songs, yet, you had chosen a ballad of lost love to call him out on his bullshit. 

And baby, baby, I would rather, I would rather be blind boy Than to see you walk away, see you walk away from me, yeah Baby, baby, baby, I'd rather be blind now...

As you reached the end of the song, Ran was left standing at the corner of the club. By the door, he waited until the last line. Once he heard it, he slammed open the door and walked out, leaving you on stage with a large crowd cheering for you. You had conveyed the message of your broken heart.

______________________________________________________________

Ran had snuck up behind you in the back of the club in your dressing room. He had tears in hi eyes but strangely enough, a blank look on his face. 

"It's over, isn't it?" He finally spoke as you looked at him through your mirror. 

"I'm afraid it is, Ran." 

"Would you ever let me explain myself? Would you ever let me redeem myself?" He begged. 

You couldn't speak. You were at complete loss for words as he tried to wrap his arms around you. Three years were down the drain. 

"No..." You said quietly. He unwrapped his arms and stood back. You looked up, eyes watering and makeup starting to run. You looked so beautiful when you cried, like a weeping angel with the voice of a siren. 

"Please... Y/n..." He begged once more. 

"Leave, Ran." He did as you said, but not without turning around once more to look at you; taking in all of your beauty. 

(A/N: I'm feeling a lot better, hope you enjoy this! It broke my heart just to write it.)

[sukisheadlights]

PROTECTIVE TENDANCIES!

tmrminho x wckd!oc

summary: she took care of him all these years in the maze. But will she be there for him when he needs her outside it?

story: maze runner masterlist

rory’s voice mail 🎧: Sooo I'm not that well versed in the lore (that is a sign for re-watch + re-read I know) either way I haven't made any mistakes as far as I'm aware of but incase I missed anything, let me know <3 love you, say it back!

SPOILERS AHEAD OBVIOUSLY

Sadira spins around in her chair as the dark blue light reflects off her glasses; before coming to an abrupt and screechy halt when she hears him yell through the computer screen. She quickly turns and looks over the multiple cctv screens around her in search of minho, until she finds him. Eventually. She messes around with some buttons around her until the 'griever' as the gladers called it, slows down. She sighs and leans against the chair having succesfully saved him the third time this week.

Sadira could confidentaly say that she was the youngest at w.c.k.d. She was 16. She could tell you alot of things, except for what she does in the abnormally technologically advanced building all day. There isn't exactly a job description for saving the asses of the friends you've made through a screen who don't know you even exist. Infact, that probably hinders the consistent experiements being thrown at these children who are her age, heck— some of them are even younger.

Sadira knows that the only reason she isn't in that maze is because she's the daughter of Dr. Ava Paige. I guess even being an adopted daughter has it's own advantages.

That's why she's so careful when she saves the lives of the gladers, if ava finds out both her and the reckless gladers she watched over are doomed. Boy this would be tough to explain if she met them in person, how would she even act around them? Thankfully she doesn't have to worry about that yet. Right?

When Ava turned her away and banished her from coming to w.c.k.d for 'safety reasons', Sadira was MORE than curious on what her 'mother' was hiding. So naturally, when she called her back urgently she ran through the multiple maze like hallways of the building in search of Ava like a mad woman. Maybe in her own way, w.c.k.d was her maze and cage too. just in a non-life threatening sense. for now.

She walks towards the prison cell looking holding room as she stands next to the woman she calls her mother not looking through the window just yet; she should have, maybe she could have ran instead of walking straight to her demise.

Instead she stared gaping mouth at the other girl who happened to step into her peripheral vision. "You remember teresa, yes?" Ava announced loudly, her words ringing colder than the white lights above their head. Sadira could only nod in response; who the hell was inside that room?

"Unfortunately my love, it would be unwise to get into details here. But teresa recently found her way back to w.c.k.d, back to us. And she has been working with us in your absence. It is with a full heart that I can tell you that you will be learning hands on how to talk to a test subject today. Do not worry child, rest assured, you will be safe." She spoke again as teresa walked away, her tone laced with something unfamiliar which, looking back— could have only been something poisonous. "Go on." she nudged again as Sadira walked into the plain white chamber which, looked even sadder from the inside.

She turned around as the door closed behind her and this, mystery inmate. Her heart dropped to her feet. It was him. He was here. Nonetheless, she approached slowly and sat down infront of him. He looked...Terrible.

"Hello," She said blandly, but internally she was nervous as ever. But if she showed it, Ava wouldn't let her talk to him again. How would she help him out then? She should probably slow down but the difference in his character was unsettling.

He didn't say anything in response and only watched her intently, or dazed. She remembered how his eyes looked in the maze, even if they were facing near death every second of the day. And then she noticed how dead they looked this very moment, when this was the one time in life he was truly protected. She looked towards the one-way mirror hoping she was looking directly at Ava. That's when he scoffed. "They can't save you in here."

She looked back at him, eyebrows raised and all. "What would I need saving from, Minho? You won't hurt me." She said confidentally, but not in the sense that she knew he wouldn't. Well, still in that sense but she only showed Ava what was on the surface. Confidence in the sense that she was hiding her fear.

Minho ofcourse, knows that even if he wanted to kill her this very second he would be unable to, considering the shitload of drugs he was put on. She's pretty, it's a shame she's on the wrong side of all of this, he thought.

"Don't wanna talk? that's alright. We'll get you to one of these days Minho. Time is on our side." the words spilled out of sadira's mouth leaving a bitter after-taste. she didn't like talking to him like this, but if she even let Ava catch on to the idea that sadira had...once grown fond of the boy infront of her? she would have lost her chance. for what exactly? she's not entirely sure herself.

silence engulfed the small white room as she watched the nervous bob of his adam's apple before promptly getting up and leaving.

That night, without much shock. She was kidnapped. "Oh, it's just you lot." she said calmly, looking at the faces of thomas, frypan, newt, and gally. All the idiots she saved multiple times. Well, except for frypan— he was always a sweetheart.

The point is, she wasn't intimidated. Instead she laughed when they tried to threaten her. Then, she asked them to untie her and much to everyone's surprise, they obliged.

Not wanting to leave them high and dry Sadira explained everything to them. How she saved their lives, How she knew them, How she saw teresa, And about how she spoke to Minho. She then warned them that as a 16 year old saving them to those small extents was all she could have done and that it would be unwise to redirect their anger from w.c.k.d to her simply because she knew.

She also agreed to get minho out, but that was a given. The only condition she set down was freedom from Dr. Ava Paige. Who she had the displeasure of calling her mother. They sat on the floor that night and all the gladers and Sadira in unison decided the best plan to get minho out of that hellhole. And they settled.

On Gameday, Sadira offered to walk with Janson and pointed out how something looked suspicious with teresa and her guards. Inevitablly, Janson approached the disguised gladers and it was there that they grabbed her as she sneakily snatched janson's all building access card. She was with them under the ruse of a hostage, just so that Ava doesn't get suspicious and look too closely.

When they found out Minho was moved, it was only because of Sadira and another test subject that they could pinpoint Minho's exact location.

However, she should have probably thought to warn him in some way that she was on their side. Maybe then Minho wouldn't have mistakened her for the enemy and slammed her into the wall once they did find him. ouch.

The escape after that was mostly smooth sailing, there were no losses and only minor setbacks. But those don't matter enough to be mentioned here. [Authors Note: I didn't have it in me to kill off newt so don't blame me] Ofcourse, Sadira almost dying while protecting minho doesn't fall under minor setbacks but she would have done that for any glader.

When she woke up in the 'refugee' a few days later, minho was the first person she spoke to. The conversation flowed much more smoothly when her formerly alive mother (that was fun to find out) wasn't watching over them, she joked. And he laughed. And she thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. So she made him do it again, and again, and again. Until she finally realised she couldn't get enough of it.

They moved fast. From touches, to kisses, to something more. But it was never in the sense that it was too much to handle, Instead it was in the sense that they had waited too long for each other and that they were desperate for this. Needy, even. Which was insane considering he barely knew her. Oh well.

First Kisses and First loves are obviously difficult post-apocalypse but hey, atleast it makes one hell of a story.

[missmarveledsblog]

Angel night ( frank castle x reader )

Summary : Frank comes home to thinking his angel is in danger only to realise that she has had a nightmare . he makes sure to comfort his girl . this like part of what i will be calling the angel verse  of our beloved bad ass punisher and his equally bad ass sarcastic ball of sunshine that is y/n " angel" murdock . 

warnings : angsty fluffy fun , frank being a teddy bear ( i love making big bad ass men teddy bears) . i have a smutty version post soon . 

A year to the night of when he first met angel probably would of been laughable if someone told him he would fall head over heels in love with a murdock but yet now here he was coming home to their shared apartment.

Coming back to the place he once deemed just that the place he slept and lived in , was now a home . each part has some sort of reminder of the woman that brought sunshine and light into the dark hole he felt his life become. He never thought he could love again , find a second chance to be the happiest he's ever been and yet here he was smile on his face looking around his home  even if he was bloody and bruised after spending few days with said woman's annoying older brother . that smile soon faded , like he could clock something was wrong . his angel didn't come to greet him like she always did no matter what time of the night or day he got back  . a familiar chill ran down his back as he inspected the place nothing seemed to be touched it should of calmed his fears knowing if she was under some sort of threat she would leave evidence of such an event . yet when her screams hit his ear sent him into action mode straight through to the bedroom expecting to see the worst .

Gun drawn he looked around for the threat like it was second nature then he saw her face. That told him everything he needed to know , the pain on her face as she moved in the bed , the sweat on her forehead. She was having a nightmare and a bad one at that.

" angel" he called soft and gentle hoping the tone could change the course of her dreams which sometimes works or wake her from the hell she was trapped in . he went to move forward only for her to shoot up gasping and panting for air tired confused eyes trying to make sense of the environment before locking on him.

" fr-frank you're ok? Please say you're ok" she pleaded voice filled with heartbreak and fear . asking him instead of confirming it was just a nightmare. It broke his heart seeing her so sorrowful like she was still trying to distinguish reality and dream . He didn't speak partially because he was relieved she wasn't under some threat or worse . wordlessly he took off the tactical gear he was wearing before lifting her in his arms letting her heartbroken sobs soak into the shirt he was wearing . sitting her on their sofa and kiss to her head he went to the kitchen. Chuckling at the burnt pot soaking into the sink . He began making the hot chocolate one she enjoyed most during a bad times ,which this deemed to be one of those . Making his more irish , he carried the cups into the living room deal with the clean up in the morning right now it really wasn't important. Handing her the cup and placing his own on the coffee table noticing the shivers down her body , instantly sitting on the sofa and pulling her into his lap wrappin the comforter around her body .

" you're ok" she repeated like it was all she could say .

" i'm ok , i got you sweet girl" he kissed her head holding her a little tighter . Not a word spoken nor was he going to ask , he knew when she was ready she would. Taken her from the room to ground herself and let her just bare her senses . let her ground herself after the trauma her unconscious inflicted. It was bad he knew as much her nightmare never spilled out physically or made her scream that loud. Soft touches and kisses reminding her he was there keeping her safe from the unseen monsters. Waiting til she was ready if she ever was ready to talk about it either way he was there for her.

An hour of silence , an hour of just feeling him under her touch knowing he was actually there. At first it felt like a trick of her mind , the dream was so vivid that real life seemed as it was the dreamland . finally finding her voice she lifted her head eyes looking into his , scanning his face like it was another thing she need to do to definitely be sure .

" they got me , i don't know how but when my eyes opened i was in the dingey room , i could actually smell the damp and mould , it was so real i could feel the binds around my wrist" she said lip trembling as she rubbed the skin of her wrists only for him to take each hand and placing a kiss on the skin .

" they wanted me to work for them , comply to their evil requests and do their dirty work. I kept saying no i wasn't a monster like them , i tried using my powers and they wouldn't come all i kept thinking was you and matt as i pulled on the binds, then like they could read my mind " she paused willing herself not to break as he rubbed her hand letting her know she wasn't alone nor did she need to continue if it was too much one things she loved about him . frank never pressured her into anything, never control any aspect of her life something she never had before .

" they pulled .. they pulled you into the room , hog tied and gagged , bruised and bloody i begged them to let you go and they laughed" she sniffled . " they kept asking me to do it and i said no you said no and each time they hit you and each time it was hard, it was so real i could hear their fist hit your skin , your pained grunts and groans . i screamed for them to let you go when your eyes started getting heavy i agree i did whatever i could to make sure they would stop hurting you , i would do anything to keep you from harm" she cried only for his hand to come up and wipe the tears off her cheeks.

" they shot you and laughed when i screamed , crying begging you to wake up and then he turned and went to grab me by the throat i couldn't breathe . I woke up" she looked up into his eyes .

all he wanted to do was take that pain , all those fears from her. take all those negative feelings and make them positive . seeing the one he loves the most so scared ,  so pained never was something he wanted nor would he wish for.  all he wanted to see on her face was smiles although seeing her mad was a hot one though he made sure it never last so long . she was usually the one making everyone so happy and laughing and now it was her turn to be taking care of . 

He held her face in his hand kissing her cheeks , her forehead , nose before kissing her lips letting her know he was there and not planning on leaving at anytime soon .

"angel , my sweet girl i promise you with every fibre in my being those sick fucks will never get you , nor will they hurt you in any shape , we both know you are a powerhouse all on your own powers or not , but in saying that i will kill them all , i would burn this world to make sure it meant you were safe , you my sweet girl gave me a second chance at something i never knew could exist , one that has me looking forward to coming home , waking up in the morning i will let nothing get in the way of that" he kissed her lips again .

" what if you get killed running around with my brother" she sniffled.

" i alway will come home to you no matter what that brother of yours pulls me into i'll keep him safe too , i'm here , i'm breathing , see my heart its beating , it's beating stronger ever since your sassy little ass came into my life " he said softly holding her hand to his chest . " every part of me will make sure i come home to you because you are my everything and more , you gave me something i never thought i would have , something i thought i gave up on so long ago , something so forbidden it was impossible for me to even think of , you gave me a future , you repair a man so broken that others would of just cast away and deemed so unfixable . you gave me a second chance of living i love you so much angel i hope you know you saved me " he pulled her into his arms . " well unless you cook for me well then sorry that's out of my hands " he chuckled only to hear her giggles muffled in his t-shirt and her hand bat his chest.

" hey i'm not that bad but  i love you too " she looked up now smile on her face.

" say that too the pot in there , there she is , there's  my girl now how about we get some sleep and i make us some breakfast in the morning and we have a lazy ass day  watching movies and eating junk food , can even prank call your brother and stark i know you love winding those two up  " he kissed her lips before lifting her in his arms and carrying her into the room . both physically and emotional tired as her head on his chest hand over his heart . feeling the rise and fall of his chest , feeling his heartbeat and his hands in her scalp soothing her . she felt her eyes getting heavy and drifting off to sweeter dreams one where she lived a future with the man she never thought she would find herself falling in love with giving their first encounter .

While he watched her fall into a soothing sleep , wondering when it was the best time to use that ring he hid snugly in his drawer unbeknownst to him of making her dreams a reality . He meant it when he said it , he would burn the world burn just for her to be safe and he was going to do everything to keep her safe . but for now he all he could do was hold his angel , his favourite murdock and lets his own dreams take over one's now filled with promises of a better and bright future. Because a future with angel ,was a future worth living for .  

[thecoleopterawithana]

Suicide

If when she tries to run away / And he calls her back, she comes / If there's a next time, he's okay / Cause she's under both his thumbs She'll limp along to his side / Singing a song of ruin, I'd / Bet he says nothin' doin' / I'd, I'd call it suicide

This is likely one of the first songs Paul ever wrote. It predates Rock 'n Roll washing up onto the Mersey shores and the tingles that started going up and down Paul's spine. Not yet acquainted with his "confidante", Paul's earliest compositions were done instead on his home piano.

This particular tune seems to have come about around Paul's fourteenth birthday, in mid-1956. It is not known how this song sounded at its genesis: did it already have the lyrics, or was it like the contemporaneous "When I'm Sixty-Four", for which he originally had only the tune?

We hear "Suicide" for the first time in the Get Back sessions, with complete lyrics and John joining in right from the first verse. From Paul's comments on the song, it does seem like he had the lyrics in mind from the get-go:

That was a song I’d had forever, since I was about 16. I had my Dad’s old piano at home, that I used to tinker about on when there was no-one in the house. And my feelings were, then, that if you were ever going to be a songwriter, the height of it all was Sinatra. That would be the greatest stuff that you could do, really a little bit before rock ‘n’ roll, so you were thinking of standards and things. So around that time I wrote “When I’m 64” and this other thing. I thought it would be a bit of a Rat Pack, smoochy, with words like “When she tries to, run away, uh-huh…” Boom! And stabs from the band, you know.

— Paul McCartney, in the McCartney - Archive Collection (2011) liner notes.

I'm curious about the timing because, in usual McCartney fashion, we have quite dark lyrics being camouflaged by a jaunty little tune (à la "Maxwell Silver Hammer", "Another Day", etc.) And they are made even darker if they were written by a fourteen-year-old boy.

When I first heard of this song, I assumed, based on the title, that it'd been written after Mary's death. So I was quite surprised when I saw its origin dated to potentially even earlier than that (although I don't really know what information these estimations are based on).

Regardless of the exact date of origin, this song had been on my mind since I heard it brought up in @anotherkindofmindpod's Fine Tuning: Ep 2 Shoulder to Shoulder. Together with Ep 4 Shells & Barriers and the wonderful analyses that emerged from it, I've been wondering about what influenced teenage Paul to write a song about a woman trying (and failing) to escape an abusive marriage. From @bidisasterhawkeye's contribution to the aforementioned post:

For those unaware, Paul's mother had a quite tragic background. The second of four children, her younger sister Agnes died at age two (cause unknown) when Mary was around eight years old. When Mary was ten, her mother died giving birth to another baby girl (who also died). At that point, Mary's older brother left their home in Liverpool to join the army and Mary's father took Mary and her toddler brother, Bill, back to his home country of Ireland. In Ireland, they apparently lived in extreme poverty as Mary's father tried and failed to become a farmer. Ten year old Mary was apparently not enrolled in school there because she was given the role of homemaker and mother to her baby brother. When Mary was around 13, her father went to Liverpool and acquired a second wife with children of her own, and this new stepmother was apparently "cruel" enough that Mary ran away at age 14 (as did Bill later).

I might have seen it mentioned somewhere around here recently (please let me know if you know where!), but it's curious that Paul wrote about women running away in "Suicide" and "She's Leaving Home", when his own teenage mother went through the same. The latter song seems to apply better to Mary's situation at fourteen. Whose story is Paul telling in "Suicide"?

Maybe it's not that deep, and "Suicide" is indeed only a joke song. Paul certainly seems to want us to believe that:

It was a real early song of mine, and I used to do it as a joke, really. […] So I never did anything with it but around the time of McCartney, I was just goofing around on piano and at the end of one of the takes there was a little bit of tape left, so I just did it and didn’t think to use it because it was Rat Pack, tongue in cheek. But I used that little fragment at the end of one of the tracks, ‘Glasses’.

Haha, good ol' Paul, goofing around with a meaningless little tune called "Suicide" right around the same time stuff like this was happening:

I was going through a bad time, what I suspect was almost a nervous breakdown. I remember lying awake at night shaking, which has not happened to me since. One night I'd been asleep and awoke and I couldn't lift my head off the pillow. My head was down in the pillow, I thought, Jesus, if I don't do this I'll suffocate. I remember hardly having the energy to pull myself up, but with a great struggle I pulled my head up and lay on my back and thought, That was a bit near! I just couldn't do anything. I had so much in me that I couldn't express and it was just very nervy times, very very difficult.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles' Many Years From Now (1997).

I'll leave further ruminations on the emotional implications of "Suicide" to your discretion. Or we can take a page out of Lewisohn's book and simply conclude:

But though the words wanted work (and didn’t get it), ["Suicide"] was a charming little tune, a dance-band piece with a dash of modernity, light, engaging and original … quite exceptional for a first attempt by a boy on the cusp of 14.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers :) Ahhh already 4 eps into this season. Almost half way there. Doesn’t take long when we only got 10. Ha Still grateful for what little we got was better than nothing tbh. Also reached the limit on my master post for links. Apparently there is a limit. Boo. Gotta add a link to a new posts in there for rest of the reviews. Was kinda shocked at the lower amount of gifs for this ones. So a lot are the made ones from me. Anyways this is really really good one. Let us begin.

6x04 Training Day

We start out with Lucy being a lying liar who lies. Not even well.... Tim not believing her even a little bit that she’s "fine." One of Lucy’s tells is her fidgeting. Whether it’s her hands, her sleeves, and the ever infamous tattoo touch she does. All indicators she is anything but fine. Tim is well versed in all of these things. Because he has the book of Lucy memorized. Her telling him it’s ’Not a big deal.’ Is a big ol red flag for him.

Tim voicing as such to her. Letting her know anytime he’s heard that from a woman in his life they were anything but that. Lucy keeps pretending she’s made peace with it. That’s she’s a professional. She will keep on keeping on. But as we know with this episode that is a load of absolute BS. It's one thing after another for her in this one only adding to very 'not fine' she is. Poor girl.

They do turn a cute corner with her asking if he wants her to be upset? Tim replying of course he doesn't. But the man is worried. Rightfully so. The smile on her face when she asks this is adorable though. They have a nice little moment of reprieve till numbskull Nolan appears. Bringing up the very thing that is eating at her. Her short ‘I’m fine.' Before taking off. Ugh. Undoing any progress Tim made. Thanks John forever the worst with that stuff. Smh. The way Tim’s eyes follow her after that. *sigh*

So begins the hell episode for Lucy. She shows up to the scene asking about their killer. Then asks Harper/Angela if they want her to start canvassing? They tell her yeah the northwest corner. Lucy making a crack no one has covered it yet because it’s by the ‘Hell dumpsters’. Their sassy looks say everything. Lucy spitting back a company line about being a patrol officer. Oh my girl. It’s hitting her so hard she’s still a patrol officer. Feeling like at this point in her career her talents are being wasted. I mean they are…That much is clear in this moment.

Her expression at the end of the scene says everything tbh. About all that frustration and feeling like a failure. This is the starting point of Lucy isolating herself. I know everyone thought she had zero support. To me and I know others said it during the season too. That she isolated herself. Because just like Tim when she is going through something she does it alone. She is internalizing EVERYTHING right now. I have been known to do this as well. The need to shutdown and do it alone. I can relate to her.

She has a solid support system but that doesn’t mean she’s taking advantage of said system. I can relate to that very well too. It took awhile but I now have a solid system. I don’t always rely on them in times of emotional distress. It’s a learned skill. One I'm still learning to use. We talk about Tim and his need for therapy. Lucy needs it too. They’re scarily alike in their unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s frightening really. Also the song running through this is so good (Dandelion-ill peach)

This next portion is the beginning of her spiral as well. It’s wrapped inside her isolation. It’s a recipe for disaster as we see later on... The isolation continues while she is guarding the dumpsters solo. If there was ever a time Lucy didn’t need to be alone with her thoughts it would be today. She spots some puke and thinks it might be from the killer. Calls Harper and tells her as such.

Harper tells her it’s unlikely to be related but they’ll need to process it anyways. Unfortunately it is only going to extend her time in hell. Nyla telling her could take a couple hours. 4 tops…Ugh. Not exactly what her day needs. Doesn’t help Harper cuts her off on the phone before she can finish her sentence. *sigh* Now Lucy is left to sit in her thoughts and stew in her emotions. I believe this episode was setup to reflect how Lucy is feeling.

Which honestly is like shit. How she feels alone (self inflicted or not), how she’s falling behind and feelings of failure. It’s reflected in all her scenes in this one. It’s a tough one to watch for her. She’s feeling very segregated and this dumpster canvass isn’t helping. As we know our girl isn’t very good at spotting when she’s being emotionally blind to her own feelings. Nor realizing when she’s not reaching out for the help she needs. The thing about support systems is they can’t be mind readers. You gotta relay when you need that support.

Lucy watching that press conference is killing me softly. You can see so much emotion written all over her face. The jealously and the annoyance of not being the one up there. Because well she almost was. It was just dumb luck (title of Nolan’s career) that they got that call and she didn’t. Ain't nothing going our girl's way today and it shows. She is a seething cauldron of emotions that she is tamping down under the guise of being ‘fine’

I do LOVE her waiting on Tim so they can go home together. (Also the hands in his jeans, the shirt, the jacket. Mmm gimme) It’s the little married things that get me all amped up. Waiting on her man to go home. It makes me so happy and squee. She needs it more than ever too. I swear at this moment in time the only keeping her sanity intact is that man.

He reads her like a book from moment he sees her though. Knows what her sour mood is all about. That if only Primm had seen her linked to this case. Seen this press conference it would’ve proved him wrong about her. Made him regret tanking her exam. Damn he knows his girl. Because that's exactly what her face is conveying in the very beginning of this scene.

Lucy notes instead of that she was stuck in dumpster hell. Not only that but she guarded puke for 3 hours. Based on the off chance it belonged to the killer. Tim asking if it did? Hoping to God it did LOL It’s the way Melissa delivers the sick dog line that cracks me up. How she could easily lose her shit right now. Like that was the straw that broke the camel's back for her today.

Ugh I hate it so much for her. She was already all up in her thoughts and failures. Probably thinking why her? What can’t she have even the simplest win? That she’s been resigned to guarding puke and it not even being helpful. That it should be her up there not Nolan. I mean I agree it should be. This is all just percolating toward the rash decision she makes later.

So damn desperate to prove she’s worth her salt. That this is the career for her. She’s meant to do so much more than patrol, canvassing, and general grunt work. Our girl is in dire straits and Tim can see it clear as day. Which is what makes this next portion so sweet and important tbh. Also doesn’t hurt there are more married vibes attached to it.

I love the gentle advice given here from Tim. She’s had a really bad day and he’s being sensitive to it. Doling out solid guidance but being soft about it. Applying logic with empathy so she gets his point but also doesn’t get more upset. Tim can see how this rough shift has rocked her. Especially when she is already on shaky ground. This man like I’ve been saying has been 10/10 for her. Idk what she would’ve done without him eps 1-4 I really don’t.

The beauty of this scene is him empathizing and building her back her up in the process. Reassuring her in the kindest way. That yeah you had a bad day, you’ll have 'em again, but tomorrow could be a whole new ball game for her. That being on patrol is an 'anything can happen game.' Knowing she is down about patrol right now. The man knows. Then is positive about it. Saying today wasn’t her day but tomorrow could be. I love this man so very much. As does Lucy.

I just love the ‘share our day’ marriage vibes this scene holds. Tim sees she had the tougher day and is there for her. Lucy getting lighter as they continue to talk. Something Tim is very good at. The best part of this scene is he gets her to laugh.

After he’s said his piece and comforted her he takes it a step further. Makes his lady laugh and we’re all here for it. Telling her not to be so greedy LOL It’s the way Lucy is looking at him that gets me in the first one. Her Tim smile in full force. Then their precious combined smiles in the second one. God damnit they’re so cute you guys.

I’m dying. They make each other so happy I wanna cry. The lack of space and how they bump arms as they laugh. Just being in love with all to see I cannot. Lucy being grateful for this goof of a man making her smile. For relieving her even if it's just for a short while of that weight on her soul. Letting him carry it with her for a bit. *heart clutch* I love them sfm.

First off before we delve into this part, I wanna say Lucy is an absolute BAMF is in the moments leading up to Harper/Angela arriving. How calm and collected she is. Making sure to cover Bailey as she gets her downed partner. If she could see herself in this moment she wouldn’t have so many doubts. But sadly that is not how crippling self esteem/confidence issues work. I just love watching her in the field and how well she handles herself.

Second my heart was racing from moment that man is shot in the chest. The entire moment is one giant adrenaline rush. Holy hell. Lucy covers for the duo until they reach her cover. Their airship is three minutes out and Lucy doesn’t think they can afford to wait. Wants to run down the alleyway solo. Cut him off so he doesn’t get away. That desperate need to prove herself rearing it’s ugly head.

Not only that but it is running the show for her right now. Harper immediately says no. That’s it's a 40 yard run in an open field. Lucy isn’t listening to her advice though. Level headed Lucy would've heeded her warning. Once again this season she is not with us in this moment. Saying to blow his head off if he pops up. That she’ll be alright. Angela doesn’t look pleased with this idea either. I mean look at her above. Concern written all over her. Her gut feeling screaming this isn't a good idea....But Lucy is hell bent on it.

This run had me holding my friggin breath. Tim would’ve lost his damn mind had he seen this. Not only that he would’ve ripped them a new one to letting her attempt it. When she got hit first time watched it I screamed. Held my breath until she got back up. Angela and Harper’s horrified faces mirrored my own. Couldn’t breathe till she popped back up. It was the most reckless risk she could've taken.

She is very very lucky her radio took the hit. It saved her damn life after that crazy run of hers. Lucy taking Tim's suggestion of being a big hero a little too literally. Honestly would’ve loved to have seen Tim tear them up for letting her do this... Reckless doesn’t seem strong enough of a word with this action. This decision of hers is a culmination of an episode long isolation. Of letting her emotions run the show and she took a risk that could've killed her. All to proof she could do it.

She had definitely given into those voices in her head telling her she’s not enough. Telling her she needs to prove herself or no one will ever think she’s worthy of moving up. To show she doesn't belong on patrol anymore. If she had just told her support system and really Tim how she was feeling. She wouldn’t have been this damn hasty. Lucy wasn’t thinking about what would happen if her radio didn’t catch that bullet. How utterly wrecked Tim would be if she had been hurt or even worse killed.

The problem being she kept all these emotions and struggles to herself. Which clouded her judgement. Her brain wasn't thinking in this capacity. This moment showing the continued communication problems in their relationship. How her decision could've really affected Tim. She wasn't thinking that in the moment though. Their communication issues go both ways with them. When they’re feeling emotionally distraught or vulnerable they isolate and take their problem on themselves.

Which results in foolish and hasty decisions. I.e. this moment above. And in next 2 eps with Tim...Something they gotta work on either before they’re back together or in the early repairing of their relationship. We get to see her KIA radio once she is clear. It very much saved her life and is now useless to her. I do love how she communicates with them before she pursues Jeff. Harper commending her on being smart in this moment. I mean they're in it now. So every move she makes from here on out has to be smart.

Lucy catches Jeff in the alleyway just like she wanted. Unfortunately he doesn’t look like he is interested in surrendering. Melissa crushes this scene oh my lord. The shaky way her voice breaks when she tells him to stop. To put his weapon down. Trying so hard to prevent a deadly outcome. I’m getting 5x19 flashbacks for her in this moment. Lucy dealing with the same issue Tim had. A person willing to die instead of give up. Despite them wanting to concede.

Lucy is basically pleading with this man to give up. She doesn’t want to shoot him. Doesn’t want it to end this way. Lucy is an empath as we all know. So her shooting him right or not she is going to carry it on her soul regardless. It’ll be a stain on it because she would’ve done anything to avoid this.

Lucy is on the verge of tears when she calls out Code 4. That the shooter is down. Ugh my heart. Adrenaline from end to end with this moment. Having it finish with a bang made my stomach sink for her. We watch how it affected Harper in 6x01 and she’s seasoned. How it affected Tim in 5x19. It’s never anything I wanna see our characters go through. Felt like I couldn’t catch my breath even after he was done. Such a good scene though.

Then comes the best part of the episode. Tim storming in like the worried husband he is. He has her work bag and I wanna cry. He has a death grip on it as he searches for the desk. I just love that he made sure to grab her bag before rushing off to the hospital. Man is on a mission to find her. Nothing matters to him but her in this moment. It’s the way he goes to the desk and they direct him to her immediately. He thanks the nurse with his tap to the counter.

I can’t imagine how he was when he first got the news. The look of sheer worry painted across his face when he steps foot into that hospital. Worried Tim is everything and Eric conveyed so much in these first two gifs. The first one is all concern and anxiety. He can’t breathe until he has laid eyes on his girl. The second one is relief in finding her. Tim completely by passes the gaggle of people outside of her room.

Doesn’t check in with them or see what happened at the scene. All that matters to him is getting to her. It’s the way he stops before he enters in. Taking a beat for the first time since he arrived. Then steeling some resolve knowing he needs it be her rock in this moment. Once he does this he steps into her room. Checking in and asking her if she’s hurt? He’s so gentle and soft like we all expect at this point with him. Doesn't take his eyes off her for one second as he sets her bag down.

Per usual the music department be killing it out here with the song selection. The soothing guitar and the singers soft voice are the perfect backdrop to this scene. His voice is as tender and comforting as Tim's tone through out the scene. Once again Melissa and Eric are the epitome of chemistry. Their amazing acting chops shining through in this moment. Melissa got me crying and all in my feels. Once Tim knows she’s physically ok it’s time to take care of her emotionally. The hand to her hair has me reeling. The way he strokes her head it’s so intimate and gentle.

Telling her she didn’t have to take his suggestion so literally. My heart. It’s all ‘hands hands hands’ from here on out. Like I said in 6x02 their physical chemistry forever floors me. It’s also just so damn sweet. Like he has to be touching her in order to know she’s ok. To reassure himself that she’s actually sitting in front of him right now. Saw a great tag said whenever we get hands like this makes them feral. How I felt about this entire scene.

So many wonderful facets to fangirl about and be feral over tbh. The man can’t stop touching her and I’m here for it. From the moment he was allowed to he was off to the races. Makes my heart so happy. He’s so tactile with her. It makes me wanna scream into a pillow. Touch is one of his languages with her but also their love language as well. It shows constantly. Honestly getting this soft scene after that adrenaline fest was much needed. That whole shooting scene had my blood pressure up.

I’m just bawling for Lucy after this. We get to see all she's been holding in. How incredibly upset she is about this whole situation. It's here with Tim comforting her she finally lets her walls down. Because her protector is there. He is there to pick up her broken pieces and put her back together. I know that feeling. Where you've been keeping it together. Then your person comes and asks if you're ok? And you realize how much you're not and the floodgates open.

That's Lucy in this scene. With tears in her eyes she tells him she doesn’t feel like a hero. Tim’s hand hasn’t left her at all btw. They both need this touch to ground them right now. I love how he rubs his thumb up and down her shoulder. Comforting her while she tells him her worst fear. The one thing that's been weighing on her soul since she released that shot in the alley. That she killed Jeff Budney. Asking Tim what if she killed him?

Tim crushing it with the comforting and being calm in his reply. So certain that no matter the outcome it’ll be ok. Why you ask? Because they’re going to deal with it together. The ‘Then we’ll deal with it.’ is EVERYTHING she needs to hear right now. Because yeah it’s bleak right now. But Tim wants to make sure she knows she isn’t alone. That he is there and no matter if he makes it or not he’s by her side. These are the exact reassurances she needs in this moment.

Lucy’s reaction has me crying some more. It’s the stifled cry when he tells her this. The sad shake of her head. Killing me softly. She couldn’t face the possibility of Budney dying. Not until her person showed up. Her fierce protector and love of her life standing by her side. Letting her know it’s ok. Even if it’s not it will be because they’ll face it together. Gah getting emotionally writing this up. This scene was primo on so many levels. *chef kiss.*

It’s here Grey and Wes enter the room. They let our lovely couple know he made it through surgery. Thank you Lord. The relief that floods Lucy is immense. I love how she looks at Tim and shakes her head. Needing his grounding stare as she takes in this news. Making sure it's real. Wes is quite the downer when he tells her for now. That if he dies later the investigation has to resume. The look on Grey’s face like WTF man…Let her have the win.

We see protective Tim step in after this. Asking if she can do her statement tomorrow? All he wants to do at this point is get her away from this hospital. From Jeff Budney and prying eyes. Wade is super sweet and turns on his dad mode and says that’s fine. Tries to get her to look and meet his fatherly gaze. She is too out of it to notice his kind look. All the more reason Tim needs to get her the hell out of this place.

Tim breaks her out of her revere with his touch as she watches them depart. I’m squeeing at the way he squeezes her collarbone, then soothes it with his thumb, before he moves his hand to the back of her neck. All the affectionate touches and very tender comforting has me ship drunk. His hand didn’t leave her for ninety percent of this scene. *happy sigh* He’s trying so hard to keep her there with him. To let her know he’s there and hasn’t left.

It’s the soft way he tells her ‘Let’s go home.’ also has me squeeing. Her home is now his home and I’m bawling. Like I said earlier all he wants to do is take her home and continue the comfort. Knowing the last place she needs to be is here. It’s the sweet smile on his face as he beckons her off the bed. Gah what a good man. Took care of her heart and soul in this moment.

Lucy doesn’t make it far before she is collapsing into his arms. Truly letting her walls down in full. Relaxing for the first time and melting completely against him. It’s the way she folds into his arms so easily. How he has her wrapped up in them immediately. Shielding her from the rest of the hospital. From this situation. One hand in her hair cradling her gently to his chest. How he is softly cupping the back of her head. The other wrapped around her nice and tight. Cocooning her in his embrace. His eyes shutting the minute he can feel her safely in his arms.

Tim breathing for the first time since he entered this room. All the while giving her the comfort zone of being in his arms. Gah it’s the slight sway that goes along with it that has me swooning. Rocking her in his arms sweetly. Trying to give her the solace she had been craving since that alleyway. Lucy hiding her face happily in his chest as he does this. Her hand placed on his chest as well has me happily sighing. No one does hugs quite like our couple does. The emotions they evoke out of me is unreal. They are top tier goodness.

To make the hug even sweeter we get a kiss to the head. The way Lucy wraps her arms around his back fully as he does this. Grounding her further as he takes care of her. They continue their lovely swaying as Tim places his cheek on her head. Resting it there lovingly. There’s a reason I kept this hug as my banner. Not that I don’t love the elevator hug in 6x09. I love it so much and will gush when we get there. But this hug ranks up there as top ones for me. Why you ask?

This hug just exemplifies how they provide comfort for each other. How physical touch is one of their primary love languages. They are each other's sanctuary. A happy and safe place amid the darkness their job brings. Coupled with the song playing in the background, the moment becomes even more glorious. It’s a beautiful scene made even more poignant by the this loving embrace.

I'm still not over how beautiful this scene is. You can see the stress and anxiety just drain out of Lucy. From the moment she is in his arms she is at peace. The same for Tim with pulling her into his arms. They both needed this hug so much. The continuity of the head kisses I’m here for as well. Gimme that all day long. In every future hug. I remember thinking as the shot panned out what would she have done without Tim in this moment? Without his wonderfully soothing comfort? Ugh what makes the next set of episode a gut punch that I still haven’t recovered from…

Thanks as always to my amazing readers who like, comment or reblog these reviews. Means the world to me. I shall see you all in 6x05 :)

~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

I love Aaron going out with Tim for his first day. Going over the T.RA.I.N yummy T.O Tim in a Metro outfit. I will take that at every chance I can get it. If I had only know this was my last ep with him in that outfit would've appreciated it more 😭 Also this gif was for eye candy. Nothing more nothing less. How I wish to be the chair for which he leans upon in this scene. Metro outfit, badge showing, the way he is deliciously leaning against that chair. *fans self* Doesn't hurt Aaron is hilarious in his quest to please Tim LOL

We watch Nolan continue to be a terrible T.O. He lets Celina say a huge no no over the radio smh

Something else wanted to touch on for the Lucy having no support system. What happened with Jeff Budney is the direct result of not relying on said support system. I'm not blaming her. I have been her. Just want to make that very clear. But the gaggle of people outside her room worried about her is that system. Waiting to see what happens to her etc Everyone was worried about her and for her.

Other than Tim she does have it but as we know this season is super rough on her. So that is hard to see. Especially with losing her main pillar of that system in Tim. Which causes her to retreat even farther inside, but that’s for future eps to delve into. I remember D had this great post about how Lucy has been isolating for years. We were just finally seeing the result of that. Very true.

I mean only person she's really let in other than Jackson is Tim. That's it folks. Because she too has walls. She has Tamara but it's not the same as what she has with Tim. Once again hoping s7 resolves this isolation and her career path in the process. I'll be ok with her being put through it if we can have a good conclusion to go along with it.

Lastly the song running through the final scene is ‘Let it all go’ the lighthouse and the whaler. Such a good song.

[eddywoww]

eddywow masterlist

Hi, I'm Eddywow. I write mainly kink related smut fics, so please read the tags and proceed with caution. This is a comprehensive list of all my stuff, so have fun! (all steddie)

18+ ONLY PLS

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Click below for more

The Dom Eddie Series Steve downloads a dating app and meets a tattoo artist named Eddie, who just might introduce him to a whole new lifestyle.

Secrets, Secrets Eddie glanced at the username and memorized it. You know, just in case. NotYourBoy22.

Pornstar/Popstar AU Steve (popstar extraordinaire) meets Eddie at a party. He recognizes him but can't quite recall from where...

Ghost Stories Steve pushed away the guilt, the feeling of unease, and kept digging. (monster!eddie au)

Consummate Professional Why couldn't the hot metalhead hit on Steve for once? (nerdy steve and boss eddie)

A Chainsaw and Community Service It's gonna be a weird month, Harrington. (haunted house community service au)

Digging A Grave (That I Can't Fit Into) Eddie didn't like this. It looked fucking bad. (religious trauma au)

Your Beauty Never Ever Scared Me It'd been 5 years,for fucks sake. (exes au)

Lonely But You Can't Let It Go "Besides, someone has been checking you out for like...the last twenty minutes. Won't stop staring at your legs."(older teacher steve)

Flashbacks "Why's it a secret?" Eddie asked slowly. (childhood friends au)

Uneducated Guesses Verse Eddie meets a receptionist at a kink club that his best friend drags him to. Remember, you're only weird interaction away from some self discovery. (virgin dom eddie au)

I Made Loving You A Blood Sport Mafia Alpha/Omega toxic romance

Such A Fucking Pretty Girl Wlw steddie au

In A Parking Lot Somewhere Omega Eddie/Alpha Steve AU

In My Boxers, Half Stoned Eddie calls a very interesting and demanding phone sex operator. (dom steve/sub eddie)

Maybe Eddie, Maybe Not "I won't tell anyone," Eddie reassured Steve gently, glancing around. "You're pretty convincing. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't been looking for signs." (Alpha Eddie/Omega Steve AU)

Baby Boy, Boy Toy "“Your skin is very skin,” Eddie blurted out, face heating immediately as he realized what he said. “I meant nice. Your- it’s nice. You have nice skin. I sound like a serial killer, oh my god.” (sub eddie/dom steve with age gap)"

First Face That I Saw "Eddie was used to seeing sad people. Sad families, sad parents, loved ones torn up over the ever-moving cycle of life. (funeral director eddie)"

Tentative "Oookay," The woman drew out, one ringed hand sweeping at Stevie's hair. "Hey there, Uhh. You're kind of in my lap. Can you get up?" (wlw steddie popstar/assistant au)

Impressionable Young Minds "Number one rule. Don't talk to strangers. Don't even look at them. (major trigger warnings: horror fic about kidnapping and abuse)"

Bubblegum Girl "F/M steddie fic. Bartender Eddie/Sorority girl Stevie"

And If I Got Your Name Tattooed On Me, Would You Care? “Is this your dad?” The guy asked out of pure confusion and a hint of fear. (moms best friend, age gap au)

A Man In His Church "I know you more than you know yourself, Steve." (demon/religious au)

Vile Things “Again, it’s your choice,” Craig gestured wide with his hands. “No man that isn’t a creep is gonna do what you want them to do, Steve. You know that. That’s why you’re here.” (dead dove bdsm gone wrong)

Gift Fics A collection of gift fics of various flavors.

Torrential Downpour Alpha/omega (warning: watersports)

Dizzy Dizzy Ditzy Eddie wasn't being mean anymore. (groupie au, extreme noncon/dddne/gangbang)

Close Quarters She wanted to ask what exactly she’d done wrong. She wanted to ask why Eddie hadn’t just tried to get a new roommate by now. (college roommate f/f AU)

Only In The Movies "Did you like it?” Eddie asked, not stepping away from the door yet. Blocking Stevie’s path, almost. “The movie?” (age gap f/f somno AU)

[tojifile]

Dazai Osamu: The Protector

Genre: Romance / fluff

1. Happy birthday mistress.. (Masterlist)

(´-﹏-`；) PM!Dazai x f!reader inspired by Dangerously Yours The Highwayman

A young, intelligent, strong, and insightful woman; the daughter of a wealthy and powerful man. You were always kept in the safety of your mansion, there, you studied the Arts, Music, Literature, Culture, History Science, Maths, and so much more.

You were skilled in a lot of activities although you had a frail and sickly body. From time to time your father would let you outside the mansion but you must always be accompanied by a bodyguard and a butler.

The bodyguard would have to be trained in martial arts and weaponry while the butler had to be medically trained and be able to fulfill your every request. Your father only hired from the best. He loved you a lot and wanted to give you all the finest things in life; in exchange you were obedient and loved your father dearly, you were respectful and helpful as well.

Your previous bodyguard and doctor were recently fired for not being able to take care of you properly. They were quite rude to you and to the maids, once your father heard this he made their lives a living hell.

On the morning of your seventeenth birthday you met him, Dazai Osamu. Your father had a lot of connections, one being the Port Mafia, you knew this quite well and had helped the Port Mafia in the past with your intelligence.

Once you got downstairs you were greeted by your father and a young man who seemed to be around your age. The man looked well-put yet disheveled at the same time.

Your father introduced him to you as your new bodyguard. "Good morning mistress. My name is Dazai Osamu, executive of the Port Mafia." The young man spoke nonchalantly. You were a bit surprised that the Port Mafia would send an executive to be your bodyguard but nevertheless you politely bowed and introduced yourself.

Your father was delighted as you introduced yourself "Now come on dear! It's time for your birthday breakfast! Oh I can't believe you're seventeen already!" Your father dramatically exclaimed as he went behind you and gently pushed you to the dining area.

Everyone sat down around the dining table while Dazai stood quietly behind you. The table was filled with various delicacies and all your favorite foods.

It was only you, your father, and the servants who lived in the mansion so the servants would always eat with the both of you. Even if your father was a powerful man he still remained respectful to those who help him.

You stood up and faced Dazai "Dazai-kun.. please, sit down, I insist." You spoke with a soft smile on your face as you pulled the chair next to yours out. Dazai nodded softly and returned the smiled as he sat down. You sat back down and began to eat.

"My dear, Dazai will be accompanying you in town today, unfortunately I can't go with you, I'm sorry dear." Your father softly spoke "it's alright father" you replied with a smile on your face.

"Will you ever hire another butler father?" You asked "I don't think so, Dazai is well versed in your condition, there's no need to be scared my dear." You nodded softly with a smile on your face.

"Ah! Always such a good girl!" Your father happily exclaimed "I can't believe you're seventeen my dear, soon you'll be an adult!" Your father added dramatically. You just smiled fondly at your father as he spoke. Then you noticed Dazai hasn't eaten anything, you faced him "Dazai-kun? Why haven't you eaten anything?" You asked with a concerned tone. "Don't worry mistress, I'll be alright." Dazai replied, he had a soft smile on his face yet it didn't look genuine.

You shook your head softly with a worried expression on your face but you decided not to press on it. You continued eating; once you were finished everyone greeted you. "Happy birthday mistress!" They exclaimed with a smile on their face, you then thanked everyone and helped the maids fix the table.

As you picked some dishes up Dazai put his hand on your shoulder. "Mistress, you shouldn't be doing this." You stopped in your tracks and turned around to face him "I'm quite al-" before you could finish Dazai got the plates in your arms and headed towards the kitchen.

"Dazai-kun.. It's alright.." You softly spoke as you caught up to him. Dazai ignored you and put the dishes in the sink. You sighed softly and walked up the stairs with Dazai closely following behind.

You were hoping to prepare for your trip to town, after all you weren't allowed to go out of the mansion much. You went inside your room then Dazai closed the door behind him as the both of you entered your bedroom.

As per your father's orders your bodyguard had to follow you everywhere, there was not one moment that you could be alone. It felt a bit excessive but you understood where your father was coming from.

The room had an extravagant amount of books, beautiful paintings and a large walk-in closet with beautiful outfits. There was a large canopy bed in the midst of all the beautiful chaos and a large window nook. The room looked as if it were pulled from a western victorian painting.

You happily opened your closet and chose an outfit. Dazai watched your every move carefully, he was intrigued by your mannerisms and how your presence filled each corner of the room. He stayed silent as he admired you from afar.

You went into the bathroom, Dazai then stood by the door, making sure you were safe. After half an hour you finished taking a shower, you came out with your outfit on and your hair neatly kept "Dazai-kun I'm ready to go!" You spoke happily and in response Dazai nodded softly. Your sweet scent filled the atmosphere and your graceful movements weren't overlooked by his gaze.

Dazai held your arm as you walked down the stairs, making sure you wouldn't fall down. You then said goodbye to your father. You then got in the car that was in front of the mansion, ready to take you both to the main area of Yokohama.

You fell asleep during the car ride, your head was on Dazai's shoulder and he gently wrapped one arm around your waist to keep you in place.

After an hour you arrived at a restaurant in the center of Yokohama. Dazai gently tapped your shoulder "Mistress, we're here." He spoke softly. You slowly opened your eyes. Once you realized your head was on his shoulder and his arm was around your waist you blushed then lifted your head "I'm sorry!" You apologetically exclaimed as you looked away.

Dazai shook his head softly "It's quite alright mistress. I do not mind." He reassured you. He then helped you get out of the car "thank you.." you spoke nervously "You're welcome mistress." He replied.

You both enter the restaurant, this was supposed to be a father-daughter lunch but alas your father had business to tend to. You were greeted by the workers and you politely bowed back. "Ahh, happy birthday mistress, you're a bit early for your reservation, it's only 10:56 and your reservation is at 12:00." The woman at the counter spoke politely. "Oh, my apologies, thank you for your greeting and we'll come back later." You softly spoke.

"Oh mistress, will you be needing another seat for the gentleman?" The woman asked, pertaining to Dazai. You shook your head softly "No thank you, the reservation is for him and I." The woman seemed a bit shocked as you spoke. "Is there a problem?" You asked with a concerned tone "N.. No! Not at all mistress." The woman nervously replied. "Great then! We'll be back around 11:50!" You happily replied as you walked out of the restaurant.

You walked around the bustling streets of Yokohama while Dazai followed closely behind you. As you walked you felt a bit cold, Dazai noticed and he draped the coat of his suit around your shoulders. "T.. thank you.." you spoke as your cheeks started to heat up.

After a while of walking you came across your father's local shop. Although the items were luxurious there were a few local shops your father owned that had more affordable items. You were the face of each shop, you appeared in billboards and magazines all over Japan.

The main business your father had were luxurious clothing lines. You would often wear them and go to photoshoots, it was one of the few occasions you were allowed to leave the mansion.

You admired the items in your father's shop through the window. "Would you like to go in, mistress?" Dazai asked, you shook your head with a soft smile on your face. You then started walking again.

After a few more minutes of walking around aimlessly Dazai spoke "Mistress, it's nearing 11:50 we should go back to the restaurant now." You turned around to face him, the soft smile never leaving your face. You nodded softly and walked with him back to the restaurant.

"Welcome back mistress, your table will be ready in 10 minutes." The woman behind the counter spoke. You nodded softly in response. Dazai and your father were communicating every hour, Dazai messaged him about your whereabouts, how you were feeling, and what you were doing.

After 10 minutes a waiter came and lead you to your seats. Dazai pulled your chair out and sat you down like a gentleman. He then sat on his own chair, in front of you. Your father had pre-ordered your food. The food was served as soon as you were sat down.

"Thank you for the meal!" You thanked the waiter before eating. You then noticed Dazai wasn't eating anything again "Dazai-kun.. are you alright..?" You asked with a worried tone. "I'll be alright mistress, please eat without me." He reassured you with a calm tone.

You just felt more worried but you didn't push it any further. You continued to eat, you tried to finish all that you can but there was still a bit more left. Dazai still hasn't eaten anything. You sighed as you started to feel full, you got the food wrapped and you thanked the chef "It's always a pleasure to have you here mistress." the chef says every time.

Dazai held the food you had wrapped as you walked around the streets of Yokohama. You silently walked with a soft smile on your face. You turned back to him; walking backwards as you smiled. You turned back but as you did you lost your balance and was about to hit the ground until Dazai swiftly caught you with his unoccupied arm "Ah mistress! Already falling for me I see!" He teased. Your face began to heat up as he helped you stand straight.

You didn't respond to his teasing, you just looked down, feeling embarassed as you walked. Sometimes Dazai was nonchalant and sometimes he was flirty. He put an arm on your shoulder to make sure you wouldn't fall again since you weren't looking where you were going.

You both walked around Yokohama silently with his arm still on your shoulder. You couldn't deny the fact that Dazai was attractive and the way he spoke and acted around you made you feel like a swarm of butterflies resided in your stomach. His presence made you feel comfortable and happy even with the deafening silence that propped itself between the both of you.

After a while of walking you decided to go to the park. Dazai bought you some ice cream and you both sat on the bench. You looked tried looking anywhere else, just not him. The ice cream did a decent enough job at distracting you from the butterflies in your stomach, you just hoped that they drowned in the ice cream. "Mistress, am I making you feel uncomfortable?" He asked, feeling a bit concerned. You shook your head but you still didn't face him. He put an arm around your shoulder once again; bringing you closer to him.

"Would you like to eat the food now? We can eat it here on the bench, like a little picnic. Would you like that mistress?" He asked. "Only if you eat with me." You replied with a soft pouty tone. Dazai let out a small chuckle "Is that an order mistress?" He teased "yes, now it is." He smiled in response, he fixed up the food neatly on his lap and yours. "Thank you.." You whispered underneath your breath.

Dazai had a faint smile plastered on his face as you ate together. After some time you both finished eating, Dazai threw the disposables in a nearby bin. He then noticed a smudge on your face, he gently held your chin with his fingers, making you face him. Your gaze met his and he had a smug smile plastered on his face. He wiped the smudge on your face with his thumb.

You felt an all-too-familiar heat rise up on your cheeks. You removed your chin from his grasp and looked away, feeling embarassed, Dazai chuckled in response. "Mistress, would you like me to call the car now?" He asked and you nodded in response.

Dazai called the car and in a few minutes it arrived at the park. It was around 18:48 when you both got in the car. On the way to the mansion there was heavy traffic, which was unusual. You all sat in traffic for two hours with your head on his shoulder as you peacefully slept he then slipped one hand to your waist holding you close to him.

You arrived at the mansion at around 21:53, you wouldn't wake up when Dazai gently tapped your shoulder so he picked you up and carried you like a princess to your room. "Thank you Dazai." Your father spoke as Dazai was walking up the stairs with your sleeping body in his arms. Dazai nodded softly in response.

He brought some maids into your room to change your clothes he turned around as they changed you. Once they were done the maids left Dazai then tucked you in and he looked at you fondly as he sat on the chair beside your bed. "Happy birthday mistress.." He whispered softly as he watched you peacefully drift into your dreams.

Author's notes:

I thought of this type of story randomly. I myself have a condition so it's kinda fun to have this kind of trope. This is just the first chapter, there will be much more, should this be on other platforms as well?

Spontaneous post 06/21/23 22:00PM GMT+8 Philippine Standard Time

[girlactionfigure]

Debunking the antisemitic  Talmud quotes meme promoted by @DanBilzerian and boosted by @RealCandaceO and her ilk

A thread.

Preface: None of this is new; most of these fake quotes originate from a couple of antisemitic German books that are over a hundred years old and they've been debunked over and over in many places. Sadly, most of them are not so accessible so I'll go over them myself. 

As far as my credentials, I'm a Rabbi who is in his second decade teaching Talmud for a living. This is something that occupies a large part of my day.

It's truly an eye-rolling moment whenever I see these quoted. Let me show you why:

1) Soferim 15

Mistranslation + taken out of context. 

In a discussion about generalities, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai said that even the best members of your enemy nation, you should kill in a time of war instead of having mercy on them. This is rooted in the exodus from Egypt:

It says that after the plagues, when the Jews were in the midst of the sea, they were pursued by Pharoh and the rest of the egyptians on chariots. Now, how could they have chariots if all of their animals died in a plague?

Those who feared G-d brought them inside as per Moshe. 

So, they believed in the words of Moshe, they believed that G-d was sending those plagues on Egypt, and yet they still decided after seeing everything all the miracles they saw and knowing what they put the Jewish people through, to pursue them at sea in order to kill them. 

This is why Rabbi Shimon says that, in a time of war, don't have mercy on 'the best' of your enemies but rather kill them. We can see from this that they might have been the best members of their society but they still ultimately wanted to go through with their murderous intents. 

 Yevamot 98a

Fake translation, and out of context. 

There's a discussion about what happens when identical twin brothers converted, one marries a Jewish woman and he dies without having an heir: does his existing brother perform levirate marriage, or give her a form of divorce. 

There's a whole debate about whether or not he's permitted to do a levirate marriage.

One of the arguments that is brought is that since there's so much licentiousness in the non-Jewishness nation at the time, we don't know who is anyone's father as such, we don't allow it. 

To back this opinion, a verse from Ezekiel about the licentiousness of the Egyptians that compares their views on relationships with the way animals mate with each others without caring about who they mate with. 

So, in no way does it say that "children of non-Jews are animals." 

3) Bava Metzia 114b

Fake translation, and completely out of context. 

In short, there's a discussion about the idea of ritual purity, and whether the corpse of a non-Jew renders you impure if you touch their grave or not. According to Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel, no. Here's why: 

He quotes a verse in relation to ritual purity that says that only Jews are called "Adam." 

Now, antisemites translate this as meaning man. Except, there are four terms that define man: Adam, Ish, Enosh and Gever. They all have different spiritual meanings.

So, Rabbi Shimon is not saying here that "non-Jews are not human", there's nothing about how non-Jews are beast at all mentioned there. In fact, the ones being compared to animals here are Jews (sheep). 

4) Gad Shas 2:2 

This is a fake quote. There's no such thing as Gad Shas.

In fact, both the Bible &  Talmud prescribe lashes for a Jewish man who engages in relations with a non-Jewish girl whether for pleasure or "marriage" (such unions are not legally recognized as marriage). 

5) Avodah Zara 36b

Fake translation and out of context.

Yes, non-Jewish girls are considered niddah from birth. So is the status of any non-Jewish woman who is unmarried as well. And married women for nearly half a month. 

It has nothing to do with "filth" at all. 

In fact, the reason why the Rabbis decreed that non-Jewish women are considered to be in a state of niddah from birth is to make it an even worse punishment if a Jew were to stay and have relations with one of them.

The Torah is really big into not intermarriage. Lots of verses. 

6) Sanhedrin 54b

Fake translation & wildly out of context.

This is a discussion specifically about *forbidden relationships* and whether it makes you susceptible to the death penalty. What's debated here is whether a person who engages in such horrible actions is put to death. 

The Sages determined that before the age of 9, children are completely unaware & don't understand what relations are. Between the ages of 9 & 13, while they do understand, they are not considered guilty whether passive or active. 

The whole discussion is about their victimizer. 

So here, the Jewish that is codified is that if a man forces someone between the ages of 9 & 13 to engage with him, that person gets the death penalty (and his victim does not) and under the age of 9, he does not get the death penalty but rather he gets lashes in public. 

The fact that he gets lashes for it instead of the death penalty doesn't mean that it's less than a crime. It's because it's considered something other than having relations, because a child that age is unable to understand what is happening and as such it's a different crime. 

For the record, Halacha also permits you to straight up kill this victmizer if you catch him in the act and it's necessary to stop, so it's not like he's being protected or we don't believe his crime is not something heinous. 

7) Sanhedrin 58b

Fake translation

The opinion of Rabbi Chanina is that if a non-Jew strikes a Jew, he is worthy of receiving the death penalty, as we saw when an Egyptian struck a Jew and Moshe killed him. 

Jewish law, however, says that a non-Jew is not executed for this. 

This is why so many of these are infuriating. This is one opinion talking about how someone "ought to" get something for doing something, but somehow it becomes transformed as "This is what Judaism believes." 

8) Sanhedrin 57a

Fake translation, plus out of context. 

Here, there is a whole discussion about the 7 Laws of Noach and whether a non-Jew who transgresses them is liable to the death penalty or not. 

Here  the Talmud states that laws against murder are stronger for non-Jews. 

As is codified in Halacha, a non-Jew who kills a fetus for example is going to be put to death, while it might not be the case for a Jew depending on the case. Same if he killed someone who was dying, or put them in a situation where they died indirectly because of him. 

So, if a non-Jew hired a hitman, locked someone and left them to starve to death or pushed them in front of a lion, they will be put to death while a Jew might not be in this situation.

That doesn't mean that a Jew is allowed to do such a thing; the Jew will in fact be punished. 

The only distinction here is that "7 mitsvot you can't violate, you can do whatever you want but otherwise you deserve the death penalty if you violate them."

Think of it like Adam in the Garden being told he has one thing to do, and one thing only. Breaking it is much worse. 

Since for Jews there are 613, there are more punishments than just the death penalty/nothing, which means that in certain cases, a Jew might be punished with lashes or spend the rest of his life in prison versus being put to death. Doesn't mean that non-Jewish lives don't matter. 

9) Tosfot  Yevamot 84b

Fake quote. 

I mean, I went through the Tosafot on that page twice and there's absolutely nothing even close. 

It's also confusing, because why with a dog specifically? That has no meaning to us, dogs aren't seen as particularly bad in Judaism. 

10) Bava Metzia 24a

Out of context. 

This is the closest one to being accurate, and yet at the same time wildly out of context. We start by discussing a case where a man saves a lost object from a wild animal, at sea, the flooding of a river, or finds it in a public place. 

There's a debate: did the owner despair of finding the object and, as a result, it is considered ownerless so the person who saved it is permitted to keep it, or does it still belong to his original owner who still hopes to retrieve it eventually. 

"Is the item owned or ownerless?" is the basic gist, and the answer is that if you find it in a place where it's a majority of non-Jewish inhabitants, it is considered ownerless (even if it belonged to a Jew in the first place) because it is not the way of people to get them back 

So it has nothing to do whether the owner of the object isn't Jewish (so you can keep it) but if he was Jewish you'd give it back. 

It has to do with whether the majority there are likely to give back such lost items or not, and it simply was not the case in those societies. 

11) Bava Kamma 113a

Fake quote, and out of context. 

This is a discussion that has to do with tax collectors who were ripping off people at the time and enriching themselves on the back of citizens by claiming taxes that didn't belong to them. Doesn't matter if Jewish or not. 

So there is a discussion about whether you are allowed to lie in order to protect yourself and your money from those thieves. 

The same way you'd be allowed to lie to "circumvent" a non-Jew about whether you were hiding a Jew in your attic during the Second World War. 

12) Avodah Zara 22a-22b

Mistranslation, and out of context. 

Basically, it says that you're not allowed to leave your animals alone in the inns of non-Jews at the time since you're putting a stumbling block in front of the blind as they commonly engaged in bestiality back then. 

I mean I don't think there's much to say about this, it's clear that in many places in the world this is just as common today as it was back then, and even in the more rural areas of the "developed" world it's still something that happens. 

The less said, the better. 

Conclusion:

This wraps up this ridiculous piece of propaganda. None of the quotes were 1) accurate, 2) complete and 3) in context. Some of them, straight up lies. 

Don't learn theology from memes, people. 

[exstasyplague]

UnPopular Jujutsu Kaisen Opinions (with arguments)

manga spoilers

☆ Yuji is the perfect MC

i've seen a lot of people trashing on him. some say gege writes him poorly and doesn't give him enough scenes, some say he's boring because he doesn't have any fancy cursed techniques. first of all, yuji has been aware of the jujutsu world for 6 months in manga; even less in anime. he doesn't have any OP cliche to him (looking at you Ichigo) and that makes him so much more enjoyable! when he loses he loses for good reasons and when he wins you can feel genuinely happy for him because you know he deserves it. he is a teenager and the shift in his mentalities embodies that perfectly; along with him we discover the cruelty and unfairness of the jujutsu world. at first, especially if you're a shonen watcher, you'd tend to believe he will shift to a high white knight borderline annoying mentality yet he doesn't, the jjk verse doesn't work like that. yuji is able to adapt. he has traits that you'd see in your real life friends: silliness, kindness, idiocy, love for jennifer lawrence etc but also traits that make him a perfect mc: empathy, resiliance, convinction, raw anger. + gege have him some of the HARDEST panels.

ㅡif it's just pain... Yuji Itadori won't ever stop

also. his last battle with mahito. hands down. best. panels.

mahito (another well structured villain) RUNNING for his life while yuji walks slowly behind him. if that doesn't show major improvement from the kid he was at the beginning idk what does. that's some MC shit right there man.

☆ Sukuna is not a fraud

the fraudkuna memes are funny. i admit. i'm sure mahoraga kisses him goodnight and tucks his blankey, however, sukuna is a fucking piece of shit, LOL (i mean it in the best way), my man literally became curse. people expect him to not use the weapons he has to his advantage as if he didn't want megumi from the beginning specifically for using his abilities. a good gun doesn't make you a military tier shooter. it's about the resources, it's about the experience, it's about the aim. "why doesn't he use his curse technique wah wah" — because he knows gojo is strong. unless he isn't absolutely sure he will strip him away from all his gimmicks, he has no reason to flaunt his true powers. sukuna wants to win. he wanted to kill gojo since the beginning of the series. i think the fight is balanced well, sukuna uses his resources and takes the consequences for being a tad too cautious. in the heian era when cursed energy had a purer, rawer output even domain expansions were simple in principles: you're in, i kill you. (line from the manga, btw) his CT is probably straightforward as well with a simple principle so having gojo use his infinity against it and figure out how to strip him naked would make him lose faster than todo called yuji his bestie.

☆ Gege doesn't hate women

because the unfortunate thing with nobara and yuki getting xd-d by kenjaku, a popular belief seems to be that gege is fond of trashing the women in his series. argument people have for that? "the only one in the spotlight is maki and she's female toji". first of all, if gege hated women he wouldn't write them as he does— each one of his lady characters is incredibly well structured and way beyond the love interest/ gotta be protected trope. mei mei, shoko, utahime, miwa and many others became non-existent, or what? even tengen is a woman. masashi kishimoto (the creator of naruto) is an author i'd say has 0 regards for women since the way most of his girl characters are built is literal dog shit. sakura is naruto's one sided love and a sasuke dickrider, hinata is a stalker that sharts when she sees naruto, karin is a sasuke dickrider, kurenai is asuma's chick and the only two women somewhat ok as a structure are tsunde and temari. (i am a big fan of the naruto series but i am spitting facts, also an avid sakura lover) plus there is a rumour that gege is a woman too and from the way sato sugu is written i'd agree anw

☆ Kenjaku is the best villain of the series

homie got railed by itadori's papi just for his plan, that's not even aizen level of plotting bro. he got drizzled in jizz and gave birth to yuji 💀

how good that d had to be for him to get impregnated....

ANYWAY jokes aside, he is very calculated and chill. he is not the strongest but his literal essence is to be a technique stealing leech and well, he's just that. with suguru, even in his villain arc you can empathize. sukuna is cool and straightforward: he wants to massacre people, kill gojo and then enjoy his life slashing random ass people who don't kneel is total submission.

kenjaku? bro, kenjaku has plans over plans and he executes all of them. even in geto's sexy body he still gets hated because there is genuinely nothing likeable about him. not because he's a poorly written character, he's written to be a piece of shit that makes you wanna break the screen when he gets a W and idk about y'all but even when he exorcised mahito i was like "aw hell nah bruh, get your hands off asap". may come as a shock, i know but we're like supposed to hate villains (not me being the biggest sukuna simp even in his crusty dusty OG form🤭) and well, nobody fucking roots for kenjaku. so gojo, go take your boyfriend's body or something fr.

☆ Yuta is.... mid

hear me out.

i don't hate him— not in the slightest. i hope he will actually have something going on with maki since apparently nobara is afk. i liked his entire rika situation but... bro.

yes, i will be going into the power system 😭I'M SORRY BUT like all he does is copy shit. wow. sure, he's a good copycat. i am not complaining about him being called so powerful and wtv but i don't find anything exciting about his battles and his personality is dead ass boring. do i get happy when he wins? yes. do i hope he'll come and save goatjo? yes. yes. yes. but people call him the real MC and all that shit... not even that— i... nothing in me likes him. my opinions are not absolute. his story is cool. i liked jjk 0 but the only thing that ruins his story is literally his lack of perosnality. and don't come at me for not grasping his depths or whatever. yuta is best fanfic y/n material because he can be turned into bashful stereotype really easily. "omg, best friend power, precious friends made me wanna live ❤️" very sweet HOWEVER very untouching for me. i only liked him when he made maki go all blushy because my girl deserves happiness.

☆ Toji actually cares about Megumi

is he the good father that would spoil his kid as a ray of sunshine?

no.

but he chose this. to forget about everything, to abandon his pride, to part himself away from the clan that rejected him and live his life on his own. megumi's mom made shit better for him and she died so his life became shit again. he thought that by entrusting megumi to the zenin clan he would actually be able to make something of himself since he had cursed energy.

also, people tend to forget just how conservative and judgemental the 3 big clans are, maki and mai have been shat on their whole life by the zenins, especially maki. toji went through the same shit if not worse. he wasn't always buff max version of himself, he wasn't born with anything. exactly because he gave up on all the things in his life he was able to reach that type of power and live with some purpose since he failed in everything else.

in the manga he has the option of coming back to life as long as he keeps killing sorcerers, which is his speciality, but he meets megumi, recognises him and kills himself in order to not hurt him. be fr. anciet sorcerers sold their booty holes to kenjaku to get a second chance at life.

ANYWAY. SADLY i can't post Toji memes since i reached my pic limits.

let me know what you think:) i may make a part 2. feel free to also ask for my opinions about anything in the verse, lol. if you wanna see my fics check my ao3, i promise i don't write in the same braindead way i type. <33

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Answering this ask FOUGHT ME I swear to god. First I hit post before I was done writing and hadn't added tags or anything because it was just sitting in my drafts, and then when I rewrite it and went to save what I'd done TUMBLR FUCKING DELETED THE POST. The universe saw me being giddy over getting songs and went "well we can't have that" so now I'm writing it for the THIRD TIME (while my thumb is randomly going numb for some fucking reason lmfao. Like, I'm not cold, circulation's not cut off. It's just slowly losing all sensation 💀)

Anyway, attempt three!!!

Omg yes yes yes :DDDDDDDD okay okay, I won't do the whole lil "going through all the lyrics" thing I sometimes do because if I did this post would be stupidly long, but omg just know I've had these on loop almost constantly since I got this ask. They have all been put in their respective playlists now >:]

Wicked Game by Him has gone in the My Girl playlist, because:

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

This first verse really does feel like Jam to me. Like, they desperately wanna save each other, and the world is kinda on fire around them. And Jay never thought he'd meet someone like Tim let alone being loved by someone like Tim and have to worry about losing someone like Tim. Y'know?

Step On Me by The Cardigans is either going to go in the Tim Safewords playlist, or in the My Girl playlist, and I cannot decide so right now it's in both. I just can't decide if I want it in My Girl for foreshadowing, or in Tim Safewords for when Jay actually pushes too far and hurts Tim by accident. Like, Jays already stood on Tim's foot and Tim carried on anyway because he loves Jay and he really does want to help him and fix him.

I don't even have a specific lyric that made me go "oh yeah this goes in such and such playlist" it's just the whole song I think.

Perfect Girl by The Cure, definitely My Girl, that one's a given, Jark is indeed a strange girl and does need to be shaken and turned upside down.

Psychic Wound by King Woman... I also wanna put this in Tim Safewords BUT ALSO entry 80. I could put it in entry 80's playlist. I could. I so could.

Enslaved by the opinions, under seductive rule

Please rescue me, I've disobeyed and I admit I'm chained to you

Alex. Idk just Alex and the operator. After Alex kills Jay I have him kinda have this awful moment of clarity where he realises what he's done, and he's so overwhelmed by it that he tries to kill himself, but the Operator stops him so it can force him to continue his lil job for it.

Help me, I'm so chained to you

Someone tell me what to do

Feeling like a psychic wound

Like. This is Jaylex. This is Jaylex. In entry 80 neither of them know what to do, they need to be told, and Alex unfortunately has someone there to do it, that 'person' being the operator.

I do like it for Tim Safewords a lot, and Entry 80 is already like 60 songs strong which is far too many so idk where I wanna put it just yet. Another one that'll go in both playlists until I go through them properly again and make up my mind.

Pitch The Baby by Cocteau Twins is in My Girls playlist, I just like how it sounds, it's a fic that lets Jay and Tim have a little time and space to breathe and just enjoy each other, and the song's so pretty and like, floaty? Idk if that's the word I'm looking for, probably not but it's close enough, it's just a really nice feeling song. And like "I only want to love you" I think the lyrics say? Yeah, Tim only wants to love Jay, he just wants to use this lull in the constant, active threat of death to spend time loving on Jay a bit, teaching him how to let himself be loved and all that.

Daydream In Blue by I Monster is almost definitely going in Tim Safewords. It just feels like it fits, I think specifically because of some of what's gonna happen in that fic.

You're crawling on the bathroom floor

You float around the room and you're naked

Then you're flying out the bedroom door

Like, Tim has a bit of a freak out (for good reason) after he has to safeword, and he does end up on the floor in the bathroom, because he needs a moment on his own and that's the only room in his house with its own lock. And sure he doesn't NEED to lock Jay out, but he feels better if he can, so he does kinda, y'know, fly out of the bedroom door when he runs away to hide for a bit until he can get everything in his head under control a bit. And he's dissociating to high hell so he does feel like he's floating, y'know?

I dream a dirty dream of you, baby You're swinging from the chandelier I'm climbing up the walls 'cause I want you But when I reach you, you disappear

This bit also feels like the Tim Safewords fic, but kinda from Jay's pov more? Like, he knows he fucked up and he needs to make it right somehow, he needs to make sure Tim doesn't hate him, doesn't leave him, so even when Tim's hidden himself away somewhere unreachable (both in real life and in his head for... Reasons (mayhaps someone else fronts to handle the situation... Mayhaps someone split specifically to cope with Jay)) and Jay really does feel like he's climbing the goddamn walls to try and get him back, but when he reaches Tim, emotionally, Tim's gone, he's distant and cautious and Jay knows he's ruined it... And then they have to go to Benedict Hall together :D

Gonna pop a little warning here, the last song in here is one I'm gonna use to talk a little more about Jay's consent issues through, in case you don't wanna read that. Specifically it's talking about Jay trying to force Tim to choke him again, even though he knows Tim doesn't want to.

Reptilia by The Strokes... Yeah Tim Safewords, again. Look I can't help myself that fic's gonna be INSANE and everything reminds me of it. It's just... Consent issues, y'know? I love exploring Jay's consent issues, they're so interesting.

I'm literally just putting the lyrics to almost the entire song under this now lmao. Look, I can't help myself, there's not many lyrics and they really do feel like they could be talking about a dubiously consensual (or even a noncon) situation.

I was afraid that you would not insist "You sound so sleepy, just take this, now leave me"

I said, please don't slow me down if I'm going too fast You're in a strange part of our town

Like... Jay feeling like "god please don't take this from me, I need you to be rough with me, don't stop me, don't tell me not to, just let me put your hands on my throat, please" he's hoping Tim will change his mind and say it's fine, hoping Tim'll essentially say "yeah just take what you want" y'know?

Yeah, the night's not over, you're not trying hard enough Our lives are changing lanes, you ran me off the road The wait is over, I'm now taking over You're no longer laughing, I'm not drowning fast enough

'Tims not trying hard enough to care about my feelings about this, why can't he just see this from my perspective, I need him to be rougher with me' type shit. And then 'well maybe he's just scared of doing something I don't want, like he was scared of with trying out the feminisation stuff with me, so if I take over and put his hands there, he'll know it's fine.' and then 'oh fuck. I fucked up. Oh shit he looks fucking scared, he looks like he's sick, shit shit fuck shit fuck What'd I do what's wrong with me what the fuck!?'

Now every time that I look at myself "I thought I told you, this world is not for you" The room is on fire as she's fixing her hair "You sound so angry, just calm down, you found me"

Tim's gonna get to have a go at Jay for it, of course, he needs to make sure it gets through Jay's thick fucking skull that 'hey, you can't fucking do that what the fuck is wrong with you??? The world doesn't fucking revolve around you, did you stop for even a fucking second to think about what I've told about about why I don't want to fucking do that???'

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Hi Ari 🤍 Just popping by to say weirdkid!Bruce-verse is everything to me? I'm a former figure skater and the mention of Alfred resolving to make a hearty breakfast with waffles instead of a green smoothie for breakfast really hit home for me in this delightful, subtle way. So thank you!

Not an Ask but I'm gonna treat it like one

"You know," Oliver said, leaning on the bar and deftly stealing the skewer out of your drink, popping the cherry in his mouth "If you ever get tired of slumming with Wayne-"

"Ollie," you scold, "You know I don't talk business unless I'm holding a blow torch."

"Who said anything about business? I'm talking about pleasure." He glanced to where Bruce was scowling and moved closer to you, putting a hand on the small of your back to whisper in your ear. "Are the stories about the Hotel in Berlin true?"

"That's another thing I won't discuss without a blow torch," you hum. Oliver, you know, is harmless. "Fighting with your girl again?"

"Not yet," he chuckled. "But word on the street is Bruce isn't too happy with you."

"Can't imagine why," you tell him innocently. "It's not my fault Selina is a trouble magnet." Or that she'd broken into your apartment. Again. For what you didn't know- probably to prove that she could. But. Jackie was your brother. You'd learned stuff from him he'd never even SHOWN to Thomas Wayne. OR Lucius. OR Bruce. It wasn't YOUR fault she'd triggered pressure sensors in the floor that weren't on the security plans she'd stolen from Bruce.

She wanted a petty win. And now she was cooling her heels. She'd be out in a week and the whole stupid cycle would start over.

"Just sayin' I'd put in an ice rink for you if that's all it would take."

"Blow torch, Ollie."

Oliver let his hand slip a little. Just a little. And kissed you on the cheek and winked when you roll your eyes, "I love a woman that knows what she's worth- he hands you your walking papers you call me before you call Lex, huh?"

"I'll think about it," you snort.

Oliver was harmless. But- as he snagged your drink off the bar and signaled for you to be set up with another- you couldn't help but wonder if maybe it wasn't time to look at your options.

Zatanna was right. As long as Bruce was... consumed by Batman, there wasn't room for anything else. And maybe. Maybe you'd just out grown each other. He needed you as a kid. But now, maybe he needed Selina more and it was time for you to just let them to it. Whatever 'it' was.