#vent incoming ykyk
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sometimes it seems like my MS symptoms were specifically designed to torture me mind body and soul but idk
#vent incoming ykyk#like not having control over my bowels in public places or even at home is just evil and unnecessary#also the fact that i can’t even hold things or write half the time because of the random intense body tremors#oh and also just the crippling anxiety and depression that makes me want to kms on a regular basis even tho life was getting better like 🤡#hate being chronically ill sometimes ya know?#becca speaks
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not me saving up money for my birthday only to have to spend it on prescriptions my insurance won’t cover because they’re ‘experimental’ 🙃
#vent incoming ykyk#literally fuck me bro my birthday is on friday the 13th you know how bad i wanted to celebrate turning 25 on that day?? crying#why do drugs that make your life bearable always cost so goddamn much like ?? i didn’t ask for this lmao#anyways sorry i’m just upset at being a perpetual broke boi even though i’m interviewing for jobs and trying to be a good capitalist bitch#having $5 to your name sucks major ass#becca speaks
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not me coming home to my mom and brother full-on brawling when i was having a nice peaceful day outside 🫠
#vent incoming in tags ykyk#you can ignore this just need to put my feelings about this somewhere#why did i do this guys i really just can’t#my family is so dysfunctional like i was so close to fixing shit with my parents but can’t now that my abusive brother is here fml#and my dad (who is the mediator and leveled headed one) is gone indefinitely like 🙃🙃#i just wanted to save money and leave my toxic hometown but ig being home is worse than possible homelessness idk#being in your 20s at home is garbage lmao unless your family is supportive and normal can’t relate tho#becca speaks
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love how my feelings and experiences are constantly invalidated by the two people who had the balls to bring me into this world in the first place like ??
#vent incoming in tags ykyk#i have a strained relationship with my older brother (who has tried to kill or harm me on multiple occasions) and now he’s moving in ??#my parents like to gloss over how he made my life hell almost my entire childhood and young adulthood like that’s not cool dudes#now i have to figure out how to move out even though i’m broke + disabled + far away from my hometown 🙃🙃#just one of those days ig#becca speaks
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just gonna cry in the shower and pretend to be a normal person after ig
#vent incoming in tags ykyk#my mom straight up asked me ‘do you even still love me’ bc i’ve been working more and spending my days off alone like ?? girly we are family#like of course i love her but there is trauma that still haunts me decades later and she acts like i’m out of pocket for having feelings lol#like sorry i’m depressed bc i’m 25 + moved away from the only place i called home + live w my parents + have mounds of medical debt sooo#idk i’m just rambling gonna go for a walk and calm down after my cry sesh#becca speaks
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#vent incoming in the tags ykyk#it’s only day 2 of spring break and i’m ready to kms like i can’t be home alone like this#home alone plus my parents which is actually becoming a big issue bc the rift between my mom and i is just getting worse and worse#mainly bc she has the audacity/balls to regularly send me articles via text and email about how exercising will ‘cure’ my MS + ADHD like ???#also my friend stood me up for a fucking guy when we were supposed to play minecraft and catch up so now i’m heartbroken#just can’t not have a purpose or something to do or i get suicidal and depressed 🙃#suicide tw#becca speaks
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realizing i’ll never be enough for anyone or anything in my life bc i just wasn’t meant for this life but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#vent incoming in the tags ykyk#i had to meet prospective parents today without my lead teacher and they kept making me feel inferior like i shouldn’t be here?#cause i’m not formally trained in this type of schooling philosophy but like ?? why did i do all this schooling/shadowing/volunteering then?#idk man being disabled in a rat race world is just so overwhelming like i can’t have a social life or work life like other people#also my needs are never considered or met with compassion like okay fuck me i’ll just work myself until i die or kill myself ig idk man#moral of the story: just having a bad day#becca speaks
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