#veganism isn’t even a big deal!!! no one cares that you don’t eat meat n animal products just shut up about it!

[princesslampshade]

SCREAM got recommended a vegan post and someone said “tell one reason why we have to eat meat and don’t say biology or poverty!” GIRL 💀💀💀 without supplements u are slowly dying and mentioning poverty just shows that you are so delusional and separated from real everyday people… there’s no helping you.

[alittleimagine]

just a favor pt. 2

derek hale x reader

prologue part 1

The Hale house outside San Francisco was smaller than the house Derek had taken over when his parents had left Beacon Hills behind, but it was still larger than you expected. 

Your ideas of San Francisco and the surrounding areas always involved narrow homes on steep hills, and to be fair the majority of your knowledge regarding the housing market came from Kira, but the warm-toned two-story in front of you had space to breathe. You were reminded again of Malia’s vague comments on Hale family money. 

Tearing your eyes from the house you looked over at Derek and the tense set of his jaw. You gave his side a gentle nudge with your elbow and took the bottle of wine you’d brought as a gift from his death grip. “Hey,” you said, voice low, “I thought I already told you everything would be fine.”

He watched you for a long moment. “Where exactly do you get all this unbridled confidence from?”

You smiled. Adjusting your hold on the wine bottle you looped your arm with his and started walking toward the green door. “Sometimes you just gotta fake it till you make it.” 

The look he was giving you had the potential to throw you off your game if you weren’t careful. You winked at him and rang the doorbell. 

The moment stretched out as you waited for the door to open. You wouldn’t tell Derek, he was a ball of tension already, but you had some worries. You weren’t a psychopath- a lot could go wrong and any sane person would be concerned, but you meant what you’d said. Confidence, real or imagined, did wonders. 

You had been expecting his mom or dad, but it was Cora who opened the door. 

Cora had visited Beacon Hills sometime during the summer and you had met when she’d arrived at a movie night. You couldn’t say you knew each other well, but she’d appreciated your knack for driving Stiles nuts. 

Rather than welcome you both in she leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at Derek. The oversized zip-up she wore over a sports bra was very in keeping with what you knew of her. 

“Your girlfriend is Y/N?” She asked. It was difficult to say if she was skeptical or just giving Derek a hard time.

Derek sighed hard. “Clearly.” 

Cora narrowed her eyes, seconds ticking by, then shrugged. “That tracks. Come on in.” Derek glared holes into her back as she led the way while you tried not to laugh. 

“Dad!” She shouted through the house. “Derek’s here! And he actually brought someone.” 

You felt Derek huff beside you. “No, Cora, don’t worry. I didn’t want an actual greeting or anything. Just suspicion.” 

She grinned at him over her shoulder, ignoring his sarcasm. “Good, I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

You couldn’t help but snort at Derek’s unimpressed look. Sibling irritation had relaxed him though and he moved your hand from his arm to hold in his own (warm, calloused, distracting) as you followed Cora into what you presumed was the kitchen. 

There, cutting carrots at the kitchen island, was Alexander Hale. Derek had shown you pictures of his parents during your prep meetings, but you could have picked his dad out of a lineup without any help. 

It was like looking into the future. His dad’s hair had begun greying on the sides of his head and he wore black-rimmed glasses, but you could picture Derek in a couple of decades looking just like him. Derek was broader, perhaps, but you had to wonder if he’d inherited anything from his mother. 

Dr. Hale (you were sure to remind yourself of his doctoral degree in Gender Studies) smiled wide at the sight of you both. He set his knife down and wiped his hands on a dishtowel before rounding the island to embrace his son. “Derek! Happy Thanksgiving. How was traffic? Not too bad I hope. And this must be the girlfriend Laura told us about.”

He didn’t give Derek a chance to answer before focusing on you. 

“Y/N.” You said, holding a hand out to shake. “Pleasure to meet you, Dr. Hale.”

His handshake was warm and firm, and the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. “Oh, just Al is fine. None of the doctor stuff. I’m glad Derek brought you along. He can be so private sometimes. Gets it from his mother.”

Derek groaned. “Dad. Come on.”

Al was unperturbed. “The turkey is already in the oven.” He said to you. “I’m just working on some stuffing and a few things to pick at-” He stopped himself short. “Wait. Do you like turkey? We didn’t make a ham. But, we can have Laura pick something up on her way in.”

Before you could reassure him that you loved turkey Cora spoke up. 

She’d moved to lean on the counter by the cutting board and held a baby carrot in her hand. “Do you know if she even eats meat?” She took a loud bite of the carrot, reveling in her dad’s reaction. 

Al looked horrified. “Oh my god, I didn’t ask if you were vegan or vegetarian.” You could see him trying to think back to everything he was cooking for the night. 

“I eat meat.” You were quick to assure. “And I love turkey. I promise. I love Thanksgiving food.”

Though he sighed in relief the look of worry hadn’t faded from his face. “Are you sure? We can set something up.”

You could see Derek shake his head as he moved to take the wine bottle from you. “Cora’s just messing with you, dad. I would have told you if she was a vegetarian.” 

Satisfied Al returned to his post as the cutting board. “Well, just let us know if you don’t like something, alright.” 

“Don’t worry. I’m not shy about speaking my mind.” You said. 

Derek nodded his confirmation before crossing the kitchen to retrieve a couple of glasses. “Water?” When you nodded he began filling the glasses, remembering you didn’t like ice in yours. “Where’s mom?” He asked. “Is Laura not in town yet?”

“Your mom is taking a call upstairs,” Al said, focusing on his chopping while Cora continued to eat stray carrots. “Laura is in town, they just arrived, but they checked into a hotel. Said it would be easier for the night.”

You’d never met Derek’s older sister though she’d visited Beacon Hills earlier in the year. You did know she was married to a Noah with a three-year-old girl named Alina and a baby boy on the way. She’d been the one Derek first lied to.

“What about Malia?” His dad asked. “I know she said they were doing a Thanksgiving brunch with Kira’s family before driving out.” 

Derek nodded. “Yeah. They should be here in an hour or two.” He paused and wrinkled his nose. “Is Peter coming?”

His dad shook his head. 

You knew Peter was Malia’s biological father and Derek’s maternal uncle and the relationship there was strained on all ends, but Malia had been working on it. A thought struck you, but you’d address it later. 

“Why don’t you go get settled in.” Al said. “You guys are going to be in the room at the end of the hall. Malia and Kira are taking Cora’s room and Cora is sleeping in the living room tonight.” 

Cora scowled. “Just because I’m not dating anyone.” She had been living with her parents while she attended the UCSF School of Medicine for sports medicine. You wouldn’t have loved being kicked out of your room either.

“I know, but it just makes sense, honey. It’s just one night.” 

“I’m bringing a girlfriend next year.” She muttered to herself.

Derek mussed up her hair before gesturing for you to lead the way out of the kitchen. 

Your bags, small as they were, had been left in the car and you watched as he grabbed them both, shaking his head when you offered to carry your own. The sun was high in the sky, but it was still chilly out and you wrapped your arms around yourself as he dug through the car to make sure nothing was left behind. 

“Hey, I have a question.” 

Derek gave you a curious look. “Yeah?”

“Peter is your mother’s brother, right?” 

Derek nodded and something in his expression made you think he already knew where this was going. “You’re wondering why everyone is a Hale?”

“Yes.” 

He smiled. “Dad took mom’s name when they got married. He does lectures all the time on how weird it is that surnames are patrilineal and when the time came for them to get married he said he had to put his money where his mouth was.” He’d clearly explained this multiple times in the past. 

You grinned. “I kind of love your dad. Just saying.”

“Yeah, well, try not to get caught in one of his lectures.”

~*~*~*~

The room you’d be sharing for the night was a nice, simple guest room with a full bed and mostly neutral decor. While you peered out the window to see the view Derek stared intently at the bed. 

“I’ll sleep on the floor.” He said, making you turn. 

“Derek, what are the chances that Cora barges in here tomorrow morning? Or your niece?” 

He winced. 

“Yeah. it would probably look pretty weird if you were sleeping on the floor. I’m a whole grown-up,” you said, “I can share a bed with a man. Unless you don’t want to.”

Derek shook his head but said nothing. 

You moved to look in the mirror hung on the wall and check your hair after the drive. You could see Derek watching you in the mirror. 

“Does anything ever bother you?” He asked, sitting on the bed. 

You furrowed your brow. “Lots of things bother me. Sharing a bed with you isn’t one of them.” You could just make out the pink tingeing his ears in the reflection. “And having to spend Thanksgiving with a family that seems pretty cool also doesn’t bother me.”

Derek watched you a moment longer. “Have I said thank you yet?” 

“You might have. But it’s not a big deal. I’m having fun.” You turned to lean against the vanity and watch him. “It’s not particularly difficult to pretend to be your girlfriend.” 

You expected him to blush at least a little, but he just watched you. You turned and gestured for him to follow you. “Come on. I still have to meet your mom.”

It was easy to chalk any nerves up to meeting Derek’s mom. Talia Hale was highly regarded and it wasn’t difficult to see why. As far as you knew she’d left a long career as a successful business attorney to pursue her original dream of working for the ACLU, hence the move to San Francisco. She remained a figure in a number of charities and organizations in Beacon Hills even from a distance and Derek always seemed in awe when he spoke of her. 

So, the idea of her was intimidating. 

Everyone wanted to be liked. Of course you wanted your fake boyfriend’s parents to like you. 

[hockeytrashgoblin]

Ice Cold ~Part 5

A/N: A double update for yall tonight! I hope you guys are enjoying. It’ll really pick up after this chapter! 

William’s POV (just trying it. One more chapter is planned to have his POV but let me know if you like it and want more!)

"William you're dumb."

"Shut up Auston, you don't know anything!"

"I know enough that you're going to fuck this all up for us."

"I'm not fucking up anything." 

We were all out in the woods hunting. Animal blood was shitty but at least we got the thrill of the chase before we could get blood bags to satisfy the real thirst to be around humans. We were having fun until Auston decided to stop me.

"You're being selfish." He roared at me, his eyes turning black and veined. "We finally have a good life and you're willing to risk it all for some dumb fucking girl."

"Auston calm down." Morgan said earning a look of hatred from the other boy. "Now."

"This is such bullshit!"

"Auston. This isn't up for discussion. You know what I saw."

"She's not that bad dude." Kasperi said coming out of nowhere with Mitch.

"I don't give a fuck about any of this. She's a threat."

"She's my soulmate." I snarled pushing him to the ground. "You're just upset because you haven't found yours yet."

"Shut the fuck up! I don't care. I care about a weak little human who will react who knows what way to us b-"

"Morgan knows you idiot! He saw it. She's not going to react badly."

"Why are we even giving her a chance to react at all?" 

"Auston that's enough." Morgan yelled, silencing everyone. "You're behaving like a child. You have been the whole time and it's getting old, fast. As if William isn't having a hard enough time without you making it harder."

"Oh and by the way Aus, you should really stop following us around. She's noticed."

"There's no way she noticed."

"Listen you cocky little shit. She's talked to me about it. She's uncomfortable."

"Auston you promised us you wouldn't do that!" Mitch said hurt that his friend lied. Mitch always was the most sensitive person, especially towards Auston.

"I'm sorry Mitchy, but what if-"

"No Aus. You're supposed to trust Willy. You're supposed to trust Morgan, all of us actually. If you don't trust us what do we have? Nothing. And trying to keep him from his soulmate? That's so fucking low."

"Mitch I do trust you guys. I don't trust her."

"She's got a name." I mumbled.

"I don't care."

"I'm going to tell her Auston. I don't care if you give me the okay at this point. It's been 3 months and I'm sick of the secrets. If you can't get behind me finding true love and happiness, then you can just keep it to yourself."

"That's beyond stupid. He's created a new kind of stupid."

"Shut the fuck up you salty bitch!" Mitch practically screamed.

"I'm sick of this arguing. We're going home now." Morgan said starting to leave. "And if I find out that either of you killed each other to not deal with the other, I will kill both of you."

We all dispersed after that. I was beyond angry and took off. Just running, no particular destination, just going. I would never understand why Auston was acting like this. He's never been so broody and grumpy in the past few years I've known him. I hope Mitch could calm him down or talk some sense into him or something.

After a while I decided to head back home. I made sure that there was no blood on my face or anything and headed out. 

I didn't notice I was walking past (y/n)'s work until I smelled her. My senses were so intune with everything about her, if I concentrated I could hear her laughing with Amy inside. It made me smile hearing her get closer. I decided to wait for them and say hi. My still heart felt like it soared when she finally walked out. It only took a second for her to see me and come running up. She gave me a kiss and a hug that warmed me up completely.

"Hi." She said with a sweet smile.

"Hi baby." I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. "Hi Amy."

"Hey Will, we were just about to meet up with Mitchell for dinner if you want to join us?"

"Yeah sure I'd like that!"

We walked only a short way before we got to a little vegan restaurant. It was a really beautiful place. It was crawling with hipsters and elegant looking snobs. I didn't see the big deal about eating meat personally but I can't really complain since I don't eat a lot of human food.

We were seated quickly and the service was lovely. The food was also good. But I enjoyed watching (y/n) giggling and having fun with her friends. It was incredibly cute. She kept looking at me with these big happy eyes that made me feel like I was flying.

"What are you looking at?" She asked with a blush coating her cheeks.

"You. I'm just wondering what I did to get you to look at me with such beautiful eyes. I was just thinking I'm lucky."

"Stop doing the voice!" She accused blushing harder hitting my shoulder. I laughed at her.

"I don't even know I'm doing it until you say something." 

"I feel like that's a lie."

"Why?"

"You've got mischief in those eyes Willy."

"You guys are so cute." Mitchell said interrupting us. I almost forgot they were sitting there.

"Thank you." She replied quietly blushing.

"Don't get all shy, you are! You guys have such a sweet relationship." Amy said smiling at me.

"I just want to make her happy."

"Stooop!" (Y/n) said hiding her face against my shoulder. She looked up and smiled. "I wanna make you happy."

"You do." I kissed her forehead before looking back at the menu. "Does anyone want dessert?"

"No we're okay. We were about to get our check and head out."

"Don't worry about the bill, I'll cover it."

"Oh William you don't have to do that! We didn't invite you out so that you'd pay.."

"I know you didn't. It's no problem, honest. I just want to do something nice for you guys."

"Are you sure?" Mitchell said still looking very unsure.

"Absolutely positive. You guys go ahead."

"Alright I guess. It was nice meeting you William, nice seeing you again (y/n)."

"You too! I'll see you Saturday! Amy I'll see you tomorrow. We're meeting at the arena right?"

"Yep! I'll see you then!"

With that they left us there alone. I couldn't help but stare at her while she looked at deserts. I was in a trance until the waitress interrupted.

"Would you like any dessert?" She asked putting her hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off but she put it back. I rolled my eyes at her disrespect.

"I don't but she would."

"What would she like?"

"Maybe you should ask her." I said losing the smile. She did the same and rolled her eyes towards (y/n).

"What do you want?"

"Willy I-" she looked really uncomfortable and it made me upset.

"Well? What do you want?"

"I um-"

"Spit it out."

"We'll take the bill please. We're not going to sit here and be treated this way." I said speaking up for my sweet girl.

"Oh um alright." She gave me the bill and left quickly. I put some money down and stood up with her coat to slip over her shoulders.

"Let's go baby, we can stop somewhere for dessert if you want something." I took her hand and led her out. She was still quiet. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? You seem upset."

"It's dumb, just forget about it."

"Hey, don't say that. It's not dumb if it's bothering you." I pulled her over to a bench when I sat down and pulled her to sit on my lap. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"It was just that girl."

"I'm sorry she was so rude to you."

"It's not even that. I didn't like her flirting with you. I'm sorry I told you it's dumb."

"Is that what she was doing? I thought she was just being annoying."

"Will." She whined.

"I'm sorry darling but I really don't care. She could've been standing there naked and she couldn't have stolen my attention from you." She looked at me quietly for a minute and I was worried about what she was thinking before she broke into a big smile.

"I love you. I know that it's crazy early and you absolutely don't have to say it back, I just needed to say it. But please say something because my anxiety is threw the fucking roof right now." She said with a nervous laugh. I could hear how fast her heart was beating and it made me worried for a second before I realized it was just her normal heart racing. Funny that my lovely little human had a normal racing heartbeat.

"Do you honestly think for a second that I haven't completely fallen for you?"

"I don't know."

"Stop with your insecurities. I love you. As cliche as it sounds this was a love at first sight kind of thing for me."

"Me too." She said smiling super big.

"Let's walk." I said lifting us both off the bench making her squeal.

"Willy put me down!"

"Never."

"William!"

"Fine, fine." I gave her a long kiss before setting her down just for her to stumble. "Watch out bambi."

"Shut the fuck up. You can't kiss me like that and expect me to not be affected." She grumbled, taking my hand.

What happened next happened in slow motion for me, which was really saying something because everything usually moves really fast. A car slipping on slush, (y/n) turning in fear to see the car coming towards us, me pulling her to the other side of me, covering her body as the car crushed into mine. All slow motion. I was so terrified of losing her that I completely threw caution to the wind to save her. I looked around but we were on a pretty empty street. The driver was alive but unconscious. I looked down to (y/n) and she was just staring at me. I stared back not knowing what to say at all.

"Did you just pull an Edward Cullen on me?"

"No don't be ridiculous. Do you need to go to a doctor?"

"No I'm okay."

"We should check your head."

"No."

"Stubborn." I muttered, calling Morgan. She fell asleep. "Morgan I need you to come here right now. I fucked up."

[fanfic-from-a-67-impala]

I’m a Believer

Fulfilling a square for @spnonewordbingo: BRUNCH

Characters: Charlie x questioning lesbian!reader, Sam, Dean

Word Count: 2466

Summary: You were never one for romance, and the idea of love seemed as out of reach as ever. You figured maybe it happens for some people and not others.

But then you saw her face...

Warnings: teensy bit of angst at the beginning

A/N: I’ve been sitting on this idea for a while. I swear I’m getting to requests soon.

Listen to the Monkees song here.

The bunker door opens and closes, followed by Dean’s heavy, uneven steps clanging down the stairs. He reaches the library, where you and Sam lounge in the chairs.

You glance up from your book. “You’re home early.”

“Finished early,” Dean replies, flopping into one of the chairs.

He left for a bar only a few hours earlier to blow off some steam, which usually involves him stumbling through the door in the wee hours, the smell of perfume still lingering on his skin.

“No luck?” Sam asks.

“No, no—plenty of luck,” Dean smirks. “I thought I hit record time last Valentine’s day, but my God, this girl—”

“Okay, thanks, man. Don’t need to hear any more,” you interrupt.

“Sure you do,” Dean says. “Isn’t the deal that you live vicariously through me?”

You shake your head. “What makes you think I have to?”

“Oh, even Sam sees more action than you.”

“Dude, come on,” Sam warns.

Dean holds up a hand. “All I’m saying is—how long have we been riding together?”

“Too long,” you mutter.

He rolls his eyes. “Well, in all our ten years, give or take, not once have you, you know, spent the night out.”

You set your book on the table and cross your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow.

“I’d offer to help, but—”

“But you know I’d knock you on your ass before you could get out the words ‘last night on earth,’” you finish for him.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “And not in the sexy way.”

You sigh. “I guess it’s just nice to have some kind of connection before I end up in bed with a guy, you know? And, so far, I… haven’t.”

“Sure,” Sam says. “But you don’t want to find someone you do connect with? Dean and I both have at one point or another.”

“I used to,” you shrug. “But I don’t know. I’m starting to think it’s never gonna happen for me.”

Dean scoffs. “What, are you kidding? You could have any guy—”

“You know what?” you cut him off. “How did this become about me?”

“You’re right. It’s none of our business,” Sam concedes.

He turns to Dean. “Anyway, it’s a good thing you’re back early. I just got an email from Charlie. We’re meeting her for brunch tomorrow.”

“Brunch?” you question.

“Yeah,” Sam shrugs. “Right, I forgot you’ve never met her. Charlie’s a hunter friend of ours.”

You furrow your brows in confusion. “What kind of hunter eats brunch?”

Dean chuckles. “She’s got her quirks, that’s for sure,” he admits. “But you’ll love her.”

“Good enough for me,” you nod. “What time are we leaving?”

A bell dings above your head as you follow the boys through the doorway of a cafe in town. The air is tinged with the bite of roasting coffee and something buttery.

A waving hand catches your eye from across the room. The woman it belongs to waves and smiles in your direction.

Definitely not Charlie, you think. You can’t possibly be meeting someone who looks like she belongs on the cover of a magazine.

Still, the boys head in her direction.

Following them, you smooth out your clothes, suddenly regretting your casual choices this morning.

She slides out of the booth and jumps into Sam’s outstretched arms.

“What’s up, bitches?” she says when he releases her.

Dean scoops her up. “Hey, kiddo.”

She pulls away and smiles up at him. She has a beautiful smile, really. It lights up her vibrant green eyes. Long red curls frame her face, and light freckles pepper her cheeks and nose.

You feel your heartbeat start to pound when her curious green eyes land on you.

“(Y/N), this is Charlie,” Sam introduces. “Charlie, (Y/N).”

“So, you’re the famous (Y/N),” she says.

Heat rises to your cheeks. “I don’t know about ‘famous.’”

“Are you kidding?” she says. “These guys told me all about you. Man, I would’ve killed to be there when they first discovered the angels.”

“Well, I would’ve killed to be the one who defeated the leviathans.”

She ushers the three of you into the booth where she was sitting.

“So, Charlie,” Sam says, “what have you been up to?”

“Oh, you know. Hacking big bads, burning bones—the uszh,” she answers. “I was in Missouri on a ghost hunt, decided I’d come by and visit.”

The waiter none of you noticed rounding the corner gives Charlie a disturbed look.

“Uh… what can I get you?” he asks.

Once you’ve all ordered, Dean looks around the restaurant. “Nice place. Very hipster.”

“I know, right?” Charlie says. “I found it online. It got four and a half stars on Yelp.”

“Sorry, ‘Yelp’?” Dean questions.

Sam clears his throat. “It’s a site where people—”

“I know what it is.” Dean turns to Charlie. “I just didn’t peg you as a Yelp kind of girl.”

“Don’t judge me. It’s helpful,” she retorts.

“Sure would’ve been helpful a few weeks ago,” you mutter.

Dean groans. “Oh, don’t remind me.”

“Why? What happened a few weeks ago?” Charlie leans forward in her seat, interested.

You chuckle. “So, we roll into this small, middle-of-nowhere town. It’s before the crack of dawn. It had been a while since the last food break, and there’s one place with its lights on in town, so this one—” you point an accusatory finger at Dean— “drags us there. We take one look at the menu. Turns out it’s a vegan place.”

Charlie laughs and turns to Dean next to her. “You, Dean Winchester, actually stepped foot in a vegan restaurant.”

“Okay, in my defense, we’d been on the road for twelve hours.” He shakes his head. “I wish we’d never taken that case.”

Sam scoffs. “Right. You’d have let those people die so you could have meat.”

“Damn straight.”

You and Sam continue the story while Dean frowns at the memory, pausing only for a satisfied sigh at his burger when the food arrives.

Well into the meal, while Sam is recounting new information he found in the Men of Letters’ archives, your foot brushes against someone else’s. You glance across the table at Charlie, who darts her eyes downward when you meet them, withdrawing her foot.

“All right, I’m going to go get this settled,” Sam says, holding up the check as he slides out of the booth.

“And I’m going to hit the restrooms,” Dean adds before heading to the corner of the restaurant.

You take a sip of cold coffee while Charlie wraps her hands around her glass.

“So,” she says, “this was fun, right?”

“Yeah, it was nice,” you say. “Thanks for letting me tag along. I’ve never done brunch before.”

She bites her lip and leans her hands on the table. “Well, how’s about we have a real meal? Maybe dinner? Tonight?”

You almost choke on your coffee in surprise. You stare at her, convinced you must have heard her wrong.

“Who am I kidding?” she says. “Of course you have plans tonight.”

You shake your head, almost too quickly. “Free as a bird.”

A wide smile grows on her face. “Cool,” she says. “There’s a place across town—Giovanna’s. Say seven?”

You hesitate a moment. You should tell her that you have no intention of getting involved with her, that you don’t even like women.

But don’t you? Doesn’t the overwhelming feeling of wanting to see her again as soon as possible mean there’s something there?

“Sounds great,” you nod.

You walk through the glass doors of the restaurant at thirty seconds past seven.

After brunch, you went back to the bunker and spent an hour deciding what to wear. You’d never cared much for the way you looked before, but tonight, you suspected, was special. You wanted Charlie to see you at your best, something you’ve never wanted of anyone.

You shouted to the boys that you were going to run some errands, and you slipped out, drove into town, and waited in your car a block away from the restaurant until seven o’clock rolled around.

You freeze in the doorway. What were you thinking showing up here alone? By “we,” she obviously meant you and the boys. How stupid will you look when you waltz in by yourself expecting a date when she’s expecting a group dinner?

“Hi,” the hostess greets from behind her stand.

The restaurant smells like rich bread and wine, not even a hint of the greasy odor you’ve become so familiar with at your regular diners. The tables are lined with tablecloths, each set with utensils, wine glasses, and a small flickering candle.

“I’m meeting someone,” you tell the hostess.

“What’s the name?” she asks.

“Uh, Bradbury, I think.”

Across the room, you spot Charlie at a table. She sits at a table for two so that her side faces you. She wears a maroon-colored dress that complements her hair, which she pulled up into a bun.

You barely pull your eyes away to tell the hostess, “I found her.”

Charlie smiles when she glances up at you.

“Hey,” she greets, standing up to give you a hug. “Wow, you look great.”

“Thanks. You look really nice, too,” you say as the two of you settle into your seats.

You stumble over your words at first, but the longer you talk with Charlie, the more relaxed you feel, and conversation flows easily.

She tells you she’s from Kansas and bounced from places like Chicago, where she met the boys, to Michigan. She tries to downplay her computer skills as nothing important, but the enthusiasm in her voice tells you that she’s exceptional at what she does.

You tell her about your hunter’s childhood, growing up on the road, living by motels and dusty backroads like any hunter does. You exchange stories of life on the run—whether it’s from monsters or law enforcement doesn’t seem to make a difference.

Halfway through the entree, your phone buzzes, the screen lighting with Sam’s name.

You look up at Charlie with a wince. “I’m sorry. I should probably take this. The boys get worried.”

“It’s no problem,” she waves you off. “You do what you gotta do.”

You head outside the restaurant and press the button.

“Hey,” you answer.

“(Y/N),” Sam greets. “Just checking in. You okay?”

“I’m fine, Sam. Just got caught up in something.”

He pauses, listening. “What kind of something?”

“Nothing,” you assure him, listening to the gears turning in his mind. “I’m just in town, nothing funky about it. Promise.”

“All right,” he huffs. “Well, as long as you’re in town, do you mind picking up some lighter fluid? We’re running low.”

You let the line go silent for a moment as you construct some story that would offer a reason why you won’t be coming home with lighter fluid, or any supplies, really.

“(Y/N)?” he asks before you think of something.

“I can’t do that,” you spit out.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I’m kind of… on a… a date?”

“You’re on a what?”

“What?” Dean’s muffled voice sounds through the speaker.

“She’s on a date,” Sam says. “You’re on a date?”

You sigh. “Yes, and you two are interrupting it.”

“Wait a second,” Dean says. “Who? Where? Wh—”

“Date now, details later,” you insist.

“All right, all right,” Sam says. “I guess we won’t wait up?”

“Yeah, don’t,” you say. “Good night, boys.”

You switch off your phone and dart back to your table, where Charlie waits patiently.

“All good?” she asks.

You nod. “All good.”

Again, you slip into a natural back-and-forth of light anecdotes and shy advances.

A lull settles between you over a shared dessert, and you decide to break the silence.

“You know, I’ve, um—” you pause to lick your spoon— “I’ve never done this before.”

“Had a chocolate souffle?” she suggests. “That’s a crying shame.”

“Well, that, too,” you shrug. “But I meant I’ve never done this before.” You gesture between the two of you. “The date thing. With a woman.”

Realization fills her features as she smacks her lips lightly and places her spoon on the plate.

“Well…” she drawls. “What did you think?”

As you play the night through in your mind, storing some moments to remember on a rainy day, you can’t help the smile that crosses over your face.

“Five stars.”

The next morning, the bunker halls are cold and quiet, but you hear the boys’ voices as you round the corner of the kitchen.

Their chattering ceases as their expectant eyes land on you.

“So?” Dean says after you say nothing.

“‘So’?” you repeat, pouring a cup of coffee.

He rolls his eyes. “So, how ‘bout that Chiefs game?”

“How was your date?” Sam interjects.

You take a sip of your coffee and turn to them. “It was good.”

Dean throws his hands in the air while Sam stares at you with wide eyes.

“It was… better than good?” You bite your lip and sigh. “It was great, and it was magical, and I think I’m in love. Is that what you want to hear?”

Sam looks to his brother, then you. “That’s great, (Y/N), but are we ever going to meet the guy?”

You turn your attention down to your coffee. “Well…”

“We already know him, don’t we?” Dean says. “God, tell me it’s not Garth.”

“What? No—”

“It’s Garth, isn’t it?” he says. “I swear, that guy keeps making the eyes at you.”

Sam furrows his brow. “‘The eyes’? That’s not even a thing.”

“It’s a thing. You just don’t—”

“It’s not Garth!” you shout.

Dean’s shoulders relax as he huffs out a sigh.

“Then, who…” Sam trails off as his eyes drift to your left.

Charlie stands in the doorway, wrapped in a grey Men of Letter’s robe.

“Morning,” she says, stepping toward you.

You smile at her, frustration at the boys melting away. “Good morning.”

She wraps an arm securely around your waist before turning her head to the boys.

“What’s up, bitches?”

They stare at you for a minute, mouths gaping.

“Charlie?” Sam finally manages. “Charlie’s your guy?”

“Hey, I am a lady,” she remarks. “A queen in some realms.”

He nods. “Of course.”

“We just didn’t think you…” Dean gestures to you.

“Oh, me neither,” you admit, draping an arm over Charlie’s shoulders. “But it feels right, you know?”

Even with sleepy eyes and unbrushed hair, she flashes you a smile that makes your heart flutter. As if to return the sentiment, she tilts her head up to peck your lips.

“Now,” she says, “about that ‘I think I’m in love’…”

Tags: @ellie-andthemachine @gaybrieljax @electraphyng @emerald-watermelon-199 @mersuperwholocked-lowlife​

[skinniplease]

I’m fucking sick

So here’s my story.

When I was 13 my family and I were visiting my family in California (in July). They were all weighing themselves and told me to step on. I was 5’0 tall and the scale read 135 lbs. My step mom exclaimed that I was too heavy and needed to lose weight. I cried myself to sleep that night and starved myself the entire next day. The next night I got drunk. The day after that, I barely ate. The week went on with me barely eating.

When we came home I went vegetarian in some attempt to lose weight. (The moral reasons came after.) I also stopped eating breakfast and lunch and would only eat small amounts at dinner time. Because I was vegetarian, I was able to make my own meals instead of eating my family’s greasy food. Almost everyday I ate a sandwich with smashed avocado and chickpeas in place of mayo with red peppers, spinach, tomatoes, and a vegan jalapeño cheese. I wasn’t vegan at the time but I wanted to cut out some fats so I didn’t eat very much dairy. In two months I went from 135 to 108.

I started school again that September (14 years old). My classmates were shocked at my size. My xs yoga pants were a little baggy. My ex boyfriend asked me if I was sick. Like seriously sick. He thought I had cancer.

I didn’t like looking sick but I did like being skinny. I made it a goal to slowly put some weight on. It took me 6 months to get to 112 lbs and I stayed there for about two years. During this time I still didn’t eat breakfast, I only ate lunch like 2x a week. For dinner I lived off of mac n cheese and blueberry waffles. If I ate too much and felt guilty, I puked. All of my lunch money went to weed, booze, and shrooms (16 years old). Blueberry waffles were my munchies. Then I got caught with weed in my moms house. I got in a lot of trouble and wasn’t allowed to be home alone. I started to eat more fruits which then made me put on more weight but I didn’t try to stop it. I wasn’t happy about it but I just managed it. I maintained 125 for a while. My parents made me go to the gym with them 6 days a week because they wouldn’t leave me at home. I worked out for 1 1/2 hours 6 days a week. 3 days a week I also did an hour long yoga class before my workout. My weight dropped to 118 but I was very toned and thin. I looked great.

When they finally let me be alone after 9 months of being grounded, I started smoking cigarettes. When I didn’t have them, I ate a ton. They curbed my appetite. (My weight went back up to 125.)Every morning before school I made myself an iced coffee and left my house with enough time for me to drive around for 20-30 minutes before school so I could smoke and just relax. That stopped when I totaled my car doing exactly that (17 years old).

I had just started dating my (current) boyfriend a month before. Within a year I gained 30 pounds. I went back to eating meat and we ate A LOT of junk food. In year two I gained another 30 pounds before I really noticed how big I’d gotten. One day I weighed myself and saw I was now 186 lbs. Holy shit how did that happen? That was December of 2017 (19 years old).

I knew I needed to lose weight but I was terrified I’d relapse into my eating disorders so I put it off. Finally after 3 months, I decided I’d try but I knew I needed to be very careful so I didn’t slip. I lost 10 pounds. Then I went to visit my family in Cali again and literally ALL they cooked all two weeks was fried food. I ate everything in moderation but still felt like shit. When I came back home after 16 days, I had gained 6 lbs back. I gave up.

From March to September of 2018 I tried SO many diets. None of them worked well enough for me. All of my friends were encouraging me to lose weight but didn’t understand how dangerous that was, even though I told them all about my past. After failing to lose weight so many times I started to feel like maybe there was something else going on. My thyroid gland was swollen so I started to think maybe it just couldn’t happen for me and gave up. In October I was at my grandparents house and decided to step on the scale. I was 184 lbs. FUCK! Why did I let myself get back here?!

The next two days while I was there I ate around 800 cals and logged them all. The rest of the week, under 600 cals. I couldn’t stand the thought of being that weight anymore so I just gave in. In one week I dropped 6 lbs. It was mostly water weight. After that first week I maintained for 10 days and that really fucked me up. The next week I dropped another 3 lbs and thought my plateau was over. Nope, there it goes again for 7 days. Since then I’ve been losing in 1 lb incriminates every 3-4 days. I now switch up my calorie intake. Monday’s and Tuesday’s I eat around 1,000-1,200 and the rest of the week I eat under 800. Wednesday’s are kinda hard for me for a lot of reasons so I pretty much always go over on Wednesday’s ):

Sunday night of this week I started a fast. I was aiming for 24 hours but by the time I knew it, I was at 36. So I thought I’d try to stretch it to 48. Tuesday morning I woke up in a sweat because I couldn’t figure out how to lie to my boyfriend about not eating that day. We always go out to eat on tuesdays. I spent 6 hours curled in a ball on the couch panicking waiting for him to wake up. Then when we left, he kept asking if I was okay because I wouldn’t make eye contact and I seemed off. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it. I was trying to stop the war in my head about breaking my fast at 40 hours. I felt like such a failure but I knew if I didn’t break it, he’d catch on.

Yesterday, I ate a low calorie breakfast and an hour later binged on a bunch of junk. 15 minutes later I felt like shit about myself and saw a photo of 5 lbs of fat and ran to the bathroom to puke. I don’t want that. Why’d I binge? I ate 800 calories in 10 minutes. Wtf. So I purged until it physically hurt to do it anymore. I’m sure I didn’t get it all though. I felt so much better. About 6 hours later, I had dinner and then binged AGAIN. So I immediately said I was going to take a shower and turned on the water and purged again. I tried to be quiet but I couldn’t so I had to stop halfway through. I feel like shit because I couldn’t even do that right.

When I got out of the shower he asked me “were you coughing up a lung in there?”

“Yeah”

“Yeah every now and then I heard *makes choking noise* and thought dang I hope she’s not getting sick in there”

I couldn’t look him in the eye and I got in bed. I feel so shitty about lying.

Now I’m afraid to eat anywhere other than home in case I feel the urge to throw up. I don’t want to deal with bulimia again. Anorexia is bad enough as it is. My relapse yesterday is really fucking me up. Puking isn’t fun and it doesn’t feel good but it felt good to lose control for a minute and then rid my body of it. It made me feel like I gained back some control.

But now I’m scared to eat anything simply because I don’t want to make myself feel guilty and purge. I don’t know what to do.

Also, it’s pretty fucking sad I’ve been dealing with this off and on and at different extremes since I was 13 years old. I’m fucking 20 now. I thought I recovered in late high school but looking back, I’m not sure I did...

[artificialqueens]

Royals (A The Selection AU Fanfic) Chapter Seven - TheQuartzMermaid

A/N: Hey Selected Ladies (and gentlemen), I know I promised the chapter for yesterday, but I got some birthday stuff going on so I totally forgot. Take this as a belated birthday gift from me to you.

Sadly Chapter Seven doesn’t mean Royals is back from war. I’m still struggling with college, but I decided to drop this chapter here as a birthday gift. Enjoy, because I don’t know when Chapter Eight is coming!

Oh, this chapter features Superstar, but since it’s an AU, Ru is not the responsible for this song. Can’t say much ‘cause SPOILERS.

Again, if you’re not familiar with The Selection, I highly recommend you to read the prologue for this fanfic. If you like it enough, you can read the original books by Kiera Cass, they’re amazing.

Now let’s go to the chapter you’ve been waiting for… (or not)

Royals - Chapter Seven (or The one before the royal version of The Bachelor starts)

Dinner was… weird. After the Capital Report was ended, Bianca led the girls to the Dining Hall, commenting how their lives would change after the show they just watched. Next week, they would appear live. LIVE. Even though everyone responded well to the past week, it was still terrifying. Adore wondered if she could stick that silver fork in her hand instead of in the food.

And about the food… Oh, it was glorious. Last time Adore had such a delicious meal was six years ago, when Charlie sacrificed two months of work to buy them some good meat. It was Adore’s tenth birthday and her mom wanted a special celebration, with all the works… Well, at least all the works a Five single mother can afford.

After the delightful pasta with broccoli they had for dinner, waiters came from all the corners of the Dining Hall to serve the desert. It was a rich chocolate cake with cream topping and some fruits. All vegan, according to Bianca.

“The menu of The Selection has been fully thought out to suit everyone’s diet preferences.” Bianca answered Courtney, who seemed to be trying too hard to avoid eating the cake right away. “The chefs have been told who is allergic, who is vegan and who is vegetarian. Don’t worry about it.”

“Mother, I’m dying of chocolate overdose again”, Katya tried to whisper, doing that creepy voice of hers. She realized her attempt failed when she heard the chuckles of the girl seated across her. “It is good, isn’t it?”

“This is the best shit I ate in years, God bless”, Adore replied with a full mouth. Katya couldn’t help but smile, not paying attention to Violet’s eye roll.

All the other ladies were looking at the girl from Sonage, clearly disgusted with the poor choice of words. Suddenly Adore looked small, as if she shrinks in size everytime she’s not feeling confident.

The rest of the evening was silent. After everyone finished desert, Bianca took the girls back to their rooms. She acted like a mother – a caring mother of 35 -, telling each one of the girls to go to sleep, so they could look their best next morning. They are meeting the prince tomorrow. Like earlier, Nicole, Joslyn, Adore, and Katya were last. The first two said their goodnights and entered their rooms. Adore was about to do the same when the blonde touched her shoulder.

“Hey, first of all I’d like to say I’m sorry, but I kind of heard your talk with Miss Bianca at the Women’s Room”, Katya let the confession go before she could regret it. “Well, if you want to talk to someone, just knock on my door. I’m right here, you know.”

“Oh, thanks”, Adore had a half-smile on her face, she didn’t know how to react. Yekaterina was also smiling, perfect white teeth framed by bright red lips. What a view.

“Eh, you’re welcome”, Katya squeezed Adore’s hand before heading to her door. “Good night, Adore. See you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Yekaterina.”

“Just call me Katya, darling.”

With these words, the blonde left the tall girl alone at the hallway. Adore suppressed a smile, finally knowing why she had the Russian’s eyes on her during the whole day. But the doubt still managed to pinch her: what if Katya was acting all friendly and sweet just to stab her in the back? In Sonage, the only girl who proved to be anything but a bitch at the end was Rosie, all the others were fake to Adore. And they weren’t even fighting for a prince.

Adore’s maids greeted her with bows. The girl giggled at the scene. Only one caste separated her from Mabel, Ashley and Lola, but the three girls acted like Adore was already the crowned princess or God herself.

“Is this really necessary?” Adore took her shoes off, still smirking. Mabel quickly grabbed them and turned to the closet.

“It’s to show respect, Lady Adore. We’re here to serve you”, Lola answered as she helped the Selected girl to take off the dress.

“Respect for what? We’re not that different, are we?” She hated to be treated like she was big deal. If she ever crossed paths with Rosie again, bitch would have her face slapped for being so dumb to break the law and becoming an Eight. “And you’re not here to serve me. I’m no better than any of you.”

“But, Lady Adore, we…” Ashley tried to protest. “I mean, you’re a Lady of the Selection. We’re just maids…”

“Ashley, how old are you?”

“I just turned 17, my lady.”

“See, we’re almost the same age!” Adore exclaimed. “I’m not any better than you. You don’t need to bow whenever I enter the room, it’s… It’s annoying!”

Three pairs of eyes stared at Adore with sheer surprise. The tall girl was trying to be nice to them, but… Well, things didn’t go that well.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry… It’s just… I’m not used to be the center of the world, you know?” She was being honest, what softened the looks of her maids. “I mean, I know I’m here, but I’m just a girl who got lucky over the misery of another. And I really appreciate you guys, it’s just your job. I’m so fucking sorry…”

She didn’t expect Ashley’s smile. “It’s OK, Lady Adore. We know you meant no harm.”

“You are so sweet! Even with that potty mouth of yours”, it was Mabel’s turn to talk. Just to be called out by her mates. “What? She curses a lot!”

Adore was giggling. “Okay, I promise I’ll be more like a princess when I talk. But you have to promise you’re not going to treat me as I’m any better than you. Deal?”

The three maids exchanged concerned looks. They were instructed to obey Adore’s every command, but what would their boss think about this deal? Would they be punished? Fired? Made Eights, maybe?

“Deal”, Ashley was the fearless one to break the silence, being followed by Lola and Mabel. The four women smiled at each other.

Adore was taken to her bathroom – her OWN bathroom – and bathed by the maids. They chose Adore a fine blue nightgown that fit her perfectly, making the girl from Sonage look like an older, taller version of Wendy Darling from Peter Pan. The clock on the wall marked 8 PM, their curfew. Lola insisted that one of the maids should stay in the room, but Adore said they could go rest, she would call them if she needed. Goodnights and goodbyes were said, soon Miss Delano was all by herself.

She walked to the tiny bag she brought from home, the belongings she couldn’t leave behind. Pictures of her family, that she put on her mirror so she could take a look at them whenever she was getting ready. A pair of purple dance shoes, to remember home. Some clothes, so she would have something to wear when she is eliminated. The sign her own father painted for her, with the words “mermaids don’t lose sleep over the opinion of shrimp”. This one she hung at the door. Her diary, where she wrote all her lyrics. And last, but not least, a letter from Charlie. Wait, a letter?

Adore opened the envelope carefully, inhaling the aroma of tea and comfort. There it was, Charlie Delano’s impeccable calligraphy filling a whole page. The girl enjoyed the faint light that came from the outside and started reading. Tears would come from her eyes every now and again as her mother described how much she loves her. She didn’t like to feel like a cry baby, but it was less than one day and she already missed Charlie a lot.

At the back of the sheet of paper, her mom left a small note followed by what looked like lyrics to a song. Realization hit her like a bullet in her brain: Charlie wrote her a song, like she always did whenever she wanted to celebrate or just make her daughter feel better. There was no hint of a melody, so the girl started singing it just the way it felt right.

Here’s where you belong

Planets align for this moment

Singing the sweetest song

A melody full of emotion

And everyone will see

What you were meant to be, oh…

All of the glamour and all of the fame

People are gonna remember your name

Now and forever, your dream’s coming true

They’re gonna love it whatever you do

Gonna love you, as you are

Gonna love you, you’re a superstar

Katya was already laying in bed when she heard the angelic voice coming from her window. It wasn’t Courtney, for sure – their rooms weren’t even close – and the only other girl she predicted that could sing is Adore, her neighbor.

She kept quiet, enjoying the song – beautiful lyrics she’s never heard before – and the voice that came along with it. Fuck, I guess her parents didn’t call her Adore for nothing.

***

“Still awake, Your Highness?” Bianca was standing still at the door frame of Prince Casey’s room, looking over the young man as if he was her own son. “Anxious, maybe? I can get you a tea to help you sleep…”

“Thanks, Bianca, but I’m fine” The prince looked at the friendly woman with a hint of a smile on his face. “Well, I guess I’m a little anxious… Who would be perfectly okay knowing they would meet the love of their life the next day?”

Bianca finally entered the room, sitting by Casey’s side. She was there since he was a little boy, being his tutor – and sometimes closer to him than the queen. Of course the prince was nervous: being only 19 and forced to find a wife out of 35 girls he’s never met before. She held one of his hands, shaking it faintly. He grinned thankfully, she grinned back, trying to encourage the prince.

“I can assure you every lady downstairs is as nervous as you are. In the end of this thing, you’ll still be a member of the royal family, now with a lovely girl by your side. 34 of them will just be lucky women that got to meet the prince” Bianca said softly, trying to get Casey calm.

“Thanks, Lady Bianca.” The prince pulled the woman for a hug, but abruptly let go of her, heading to the balcony. Bianca stared at him again, appreciating his expression of focus. “Who is singing?”

“Oh God, they are already disrespecting the curfew?” Bianca got up, suddenly looking mad. “That must be Adore Delano, her room is right under yours. I’ll talk to her…”

“No, don’t!” Casey’s urgent tone stopped Bianca right away. She was by the door frame again, just turned 180º degrees back to the room and saw the biggest smile she’s ever seen Casey flash since he got a pony for Christmas. “That’s the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard. Don’t make her stop, please.”

Bianca was baffled. Casey was never into music before – that was his sister’s thing. His thing was reading as many books as he could and spending way more time than he should with the guards. Now he falls in love with a girl just because of her beautiful voice?

This Selection thing will be easier than I thought.

[artificialqueens]

The Dark Side of Beauty {Witney} Fic Challenge -C*NT

A/N: Hi! i’m trying to show more versatility so I decided to write something for the fic challenge! The words I chose were: Tragic, Glass, Silver and I quadruple checked to make sure I used each and every one of them! This is an angsty Witney one shot, I’m really sorry about it but this goes over some pretty heavy topics. I wanted to show that what you see isn’t always the truth when it comes to Courtney Act. Also thank you so much for all of the feedback on AHAHAM and The Lost Princess, hopefully I will be updating those soon ♥️

Huge TW: Mentions and graphic descriptions of self harm, eating disorders, depression, and obbsessive behavior. Please read at your own risk, it can be very very triggering if you are suffering from an eating disorder or are currently self harming.

Courtney had always been a fairly confident person all throughout her life. Growing up in Oz had given her an overly positive attitude, where the people said what they meant and meant what they say. They didn’t lay sugar coated back handed compliments on you one by one until you shattered. Even if they did, they would never direct any hate or criticism towards Courtney. The thin blonde had always been placed on an untouchable pretty pedestal. In Oz she felt invincible, yes she had made mistakes many times over throughout her Australian Idol experience and in the drag community down under, but her mistakes had never been looked at with a magnifying glass.

So you can only imagine how much of a culture shock it was when she came to America, where her fame really took off.

It had all begun with Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

In one way or another, she was always slept on throughout the competition despite winning two challenges.

Courtney had come up with a variety of expensive and unique looks for each of her runway outfits, but was famously accused of ‘resting on pretty’ While her sisters got away with infamously not cinching their waists and wearing the same silhouette 15 times, she was ridiculed and told by bitter drag race fans that she had skated through to the top 3 in a bra and underwear.

She remembered one moment on the show in particular where she had been excited to wear her runway outfit with the large purple blanket. It was almost like a two in one look. She had blindfolded herself with a sleeping mask as she walked slowly down the catwalk. A pillow was placed behind her head, and her body was surrounded by the royal purple comforter. When she hit the center of the runway, she ripped off the blanket to reveal a matching purple bra and underwear set. She had spent the majority of her time in the work room styling her wig so that it reached to the high heavens.

Her look was a concept, showing her ability to the judges that she could think outside of the box.

Alas, that’s when the infamous “resting on pretty” comment came out of Ru’s lips, and instead of taking it to heart she incorporated it into her merch.

Of course she hated the saying with every fiber of her being - what was so wrong with being pretty? But she decided she’d rather make money off of it then freak out about it. She had decided she would just work twice as hard as most Ru girls to prove to people she was more than a pretty face, or a gender bent drag queen from Oz.

She focused her attention back on the video of Bianca that a fan had sent her. They had captioned it “BDR jokes about Diet’s.”

There was a point in time when a few months after drag race had ended, Bianca had put on around 10 pounds of weight. Courtney, trying to be a supportive friend, had suggested she try out the vegan diet. She had been vegan for a long time now, and had successful results ever since. She hardly ever gained weight, and always kept a lean figure which was perfect for being a female impersonator.

“That girl is a vegan! Did you know that? I don’t know about you, but I don’t hate myself that much, I’ll just stick to being a vegetarian!” Bianca roared to the crowd.

There was scattered laughter in the video before it died down. She frowned, unsure of her emotions about the subject.

She listened to Bianca go on and on about how Courtney’s version of dessert was a square of dark chocolate after a show, how she’d rarely have mixed drinks, and how everything she ate just had to be vegan, gluten free and organic.

Courtney had no idea that she seened so intense with her diet, so to show versatility she decided she would eat more carbs. She would continue to watch her weight carefully of course, but made a mental note to be sure to eat more sweets in front of people

Courtney clicked away from the video and sighed. She knew Bianca was just trying to poke a little fun, but she really didn’t even know the reality of what she was saying.

Her downward spiral and obsession with food started with that video. Of course, Bianca wouldn’t think twice about her jokes because Courtney was supposed to take it lightly and roll her eyes like she always did. She was an insult comic, Bianca would say, and that it really didn’t mean anything. Courtney would nod and reassure that she understood because that’s how she was raised. She was always a good sport.

It was all great, until one day when it wasn’t.

——–

4 months later

Courtney was pulling her long sheer purple dress over head before one of her shows, when she noticed that there was a clean tear in it, right under her breast plate.

“Gained some weight huh?” Willam eyed the tanned blonde as she tugged at the unforgiving fabric. “You’re still not fat at least.”

But she was. Courtney had never stretched, ripped, or tore a garment before in her life. The fact that one of her very favorite expensive dresses was now ripped was devastating to her.

She didn’t think she had gained too much weight. She had allowed herself 10 pounds, which was what she had put on after lightening up on her diet. But now she was seeing things she couldn’t unsee.

As she stared at herself in the mirror, she noticed her thighs touched now. Before she had a flawless thigh gap, the envy of many other queens and women all around the world. Her stomach was slightly sticking out, likely bloated from the sugary cocktail she had consumed at the bar with Willam.

Lastly, her arms had more meat on them slightly wider than they used to be. The sleeves of her dress fit snugly. She probably couldn’t even move the microphone in front of her chest without destroying the garment further.

“Willam, I can’t get this to look good - what am I going to do?” Courtney panicked, shuffling through her suitcase.

Willam shrugged, noting how frantic Courtney had become but taking it with a grain of salt. Court was the kind of person to cry over her favorite chips being discontinued, it really wasn’t anything new.

“I don’t know, pull an Adore and wear a tank top and shorts?” Willam suggested.

“Please, at least TRY to be helpful.” Courtney groaned exasperated. She eventually found her long geometric cut out dress that hugged her snugly, but still fit despite the weight gain. She said a silent prayer in her head and thanked the universe for stretchy fabric.

“I guess this will just have to do.” Courtney sighed, taking the purple dress off delicately, trying not to rip it further. Maybe Bianca could fix it for her.

“You look hot no matter what, big or small.” Willam sighed, eyeing his girlfriend jealously. Courtney looked seriously sexy with curves, almost like a real woman when she was dressed in drag. Willam was fixated on her ass as Courtney smoothed the fabric over her stomach self consciously.

You look hot no matter what, big or small.

The words kept ringing in her head. All night, throughout her performance that’s all her mind could fixate on.

She had grown large.

She had gained weight.

She had done the unthinkable.

No, gaining 10 pounds wasn’t a big deal for a lot of people, especially someone who had started out at a healthy weight. But Courtney was obsessed with control, what had she allowed herself to do? Her body had transformed into something she wasn’t used to, and now she had to get it back to what it was before.

She decided she wouldn’t eat or drink for the rest of the night.

————

After she left the club that night, she ran into Bob in the streets of New York. Smiling, she ran up and embraced him in a large hug.

“It’s so good to see you!” Courtney gushed, feeling relieved to be out of the limelight and away from fans. Willam had gone home early to rest up for a show, which was why she had left the venue rather quickly instead of getting drunk with fans like they usually did together.

“You too, gorgeous-”

“Hey, I know you!” A heavy set man ran up to them, huffing and puffing as if he had been chasing after them for blocks.

“You do?” Courtney asked bewildered, smiling politely but not sure where the man was going with this.

“Yeah, you’re that impersonator-from Las Vegas!” The fan slurred

“I am?” Courtney grinned, eyeing Bob holding his iphone out in front of them. “Who do I impersonate?”

Humor me, she thought.

“You-uh, oh god I can’t put my finger on it right now, uh. Oh! Britney Spears!”

Bob was cackling, much like Bianca at the remark. Courtney wasn’t laughing though.

Not even a random fan knew who she was anymore.

“Yes!” Courtney chimed, not missing a beat. Not letting her true emotions of not being recognized show.

“You’re beautiful!” A random woman called as she walked by.

Was she really though?

She nodded to the woman smiling, muttering thank you as she looked back at the drunk fan. She crossed her arms in front of her stomach, trying to hide her bloated belly and disguise her expanded waist line.

“And I don’t care about you because you stay here in New York City, and I can see you for free!” The fan exclaimed to Bob, continuing to stumble over his words.

“Yep. Who cares about me right?” Bob deadpanned, shrugging.

“I should get going Bob.” Courtney muttered. “It was good to see you.”

Bob smiled and embraced her in a side hug before she walked away.

“Good to see ya, Derrick.” Bob called playfully.

After tonight, Courtney vowed to go back to her vigorous strict vegan diet. She would not be mistaken for Derrick, or anyone other then herself ever again.

——————

It wasn’t just one comment that got Courtney to lose 30 pounds after that night, and continue to engage in obsessive behavior. It had been multiple. Over time, everything had piled up inside and the only way Courtney had known how to handle it was to control her eating habits.

So she stopped eating. She would allow herself one meal a day, a handful of almonds and a couple of glasses of water. The weight practically shredded off of her, her collar bones prominent and her jawline sharper than ever before.

To make sure no one got suspicious, she would wear pads almost 24/7. This was her way of controlling her environment. No one had read her in months, and some of her sisters had even said she looked different, glowing even.

“Court, are you okay? You seem so distant.” Willam asked concerned, showing some emotion other than arrogance for once.

“I’m fine.” Courtney nodded, not meeting Willam’s eyes. She was dressed in her long australian flag gown, paired with cherry red lips and sleek blonde curls.

Willam didn’t know that Courtney had restricted herself to only eating once a day. When someone was considered beautiful like Courtney, they didn’t pay attention to what she ate all day. They either accepted that she starved herself to get her body the way that it was, or didn’t care enough to be concerned.

They hadn’t had sex since the weight loss. Courtney knew that if Willam saw her body underneath all of her clothes that he would be mortified. Her ribs were prominent, hip bones jutted out significantly. She had even lost her six pack, due to the lack of muscle that she had left from her not eating.

“Okay. So I’ll see you after your show right?” Willam asked hopefully.

“Yeah, definitley.” Courtney answered unenthusiastically as she sprayed her blonde wig one last time with a layer of hairspray.

Willam was exhausting, always asking questions and had become incredibly needy lately. Courtney had learned to shut him out and just give him blow jobs to keep him satisfied. She knew it wouldn’t stay like this forever. He was beginning to get more and more suspicious of her behavior.

“Okay. I’ll see you later.” Willam said defeated, leaving the room swiftly.

God, she didn’t deserve him she thought as she watched him leave the room.

She wanted to have sex with him so badly. She wanted to tell him so badly how much she had been struggling lately. She just wanted him to ask.

If anyone could just ask how she was doing, she would tell them. She would burst at the seams and tell them everything.

But no one ever asked a pretty girl questions like that.

She sighed as she fluffed her hair one last time, meeting her eyes in the mirror. She moved closely to it to double check for any imperfections.

Something felt different about tonight, and Courtney didn’t know what.

———–

Courtney appeared on the stage, smiling as the bright lights fixated on her in front of her microphone. She felt nervous, anxious even, which was unusual for a seasoned performer like herself.

“Hey guys!” Courtney exclaimed. The crowd roared, clapping enthusiastically for her as she curtseyed in front of them.

Play up the positivity.

Force the smile.

She smiled cheekily and looked down towards the crowd, spotting a couple near the front whispering. She felt her heart stop as she wondered if her outfit had ripped or something. She smoothed down her dress self consciously and pushed a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear hoping that she had fixed whatever she had messed up this time.

She decided to take a sip of her white wine before she began her first song. Tonight, she was going to start with her cover of Stayin’ Alive, as a mantra to herself. She had needed to hear that song more and more lately. Maybe the more she sang it, the more she’d actually want to stay alive.

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk I’m a woman’s man: no time to talk Music loud and women warm, I’ve been kicked around Since I was born And now it’s all right, it’s okay And you may look the other way We can try to understand The New York Times’ effect on man

The song blasted through her vocal chords and out of the speakers, tears streaming down her face as she let the reality of the lyrics sink in.

Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother You’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive Feel the city breakin’ and everybody shakin’ And we’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive

She breathed deeply, partially letting herself rest and partially trying to pull herself together.

She had to finish the song. She had to show that she wasn’t just pretty. She had raw talent too.

Well now, I get low and I get high And if I can’t get either, I really try Got the wings of heaven on my shoes I’m a dancin’ man and I just can’t lose You know it’s all right, it’s okay I’ll live to see another day We can try to understand The New York Times’ effect on man

She was feeling herself getting more choked up. This was her song, even if it was written and performed many years ago, she was relating to this song so much.

She tries so hard, harder than anyone else in the business to stay relevant.

No one understood the pressure she put on herself to be more then what people said about her.

Shakily, she finished the song; proud that she was able to still do it justice even in the middle of an epiphany. The crowd applauded and cheered, but then she started listening to what the crowd had thought were sweet comments.

“You’re so beautiful!”

“I wanna rest on pretty!”

Courtney’s head was spinning, the smoke from the machines fogging up her vision and giving her a headache.

Why didn’t her fans understand her? Why didn’t they see how hard she worked every single day to become more than just a beautiful drag queen?

Courtney had worked so hard over the last couple of years, from involving herself in an American Apparel Ad campaign, to being in a music video with Little Mix and in countless performances in between. She had shared the stage with big names and not so big names, and had been courteous and professional at all of her shows.

Her head was throbbing, a scream wanting to come out of her as she began to breathe heavily in a panic.

She was too strict on her diet, so she eased up. Then she was too fat, so she became strict again.

Now her she was, back at square one: she was just pretty. Or beautiful. It didn’t matter to anyone if she ate 1 potato chip or 2 bags worth. It didn’t matter to anyone if she wore an expensive gown or a potato sack. It didn’t matter if she performed with Miley Cyrus or her boyfriend Willam.

It didn’t matter.

Her talent didn’t matter.

She didn’t matter.

All that mattered to her fans was her vanity, her image.

She didn’t want to be known for her image anymore. She wanted to be known for her talent and hard work, just like her season 6 sisters were.

Just like Willam.

And Alaska.

Even Miss Fame.

“Damnit, I am more than just a pretty face! I have talent! I have charisma. Why don’t you all see it?” Courtney shrieked, throwing her glass towards the crowd. After an audible gasp, she turned her back away from them and fled the stage.

Courtney ran down the steps backstage and to her dressing room, locking herself in it. She heard a heavy knock on the door shortly after but ignored it. Whoever it was knocked a few more times before they gave up, leaving her to her own devices.

No one cares, everyone just gives up.

It was just her and her dressing room mirror now.

“What is wrong with you Courtney?” Court asked herself, staring into the mirror. Her blue green eyes looked manic, bloodshot even. Her mascara was smeared in neat black lines down her cheeks, she even cried neatly. She licked her palm and flattened it across her face, dragging it down her neck, removing her foundation and contour in one smooth motion.

“I’m not pretty anymore!” Courtney exclaimed, proceeding to do the same on the other side of her face. Her lipstick had been smeared down her chin to her sharp jaw line.

“What will people think? What will people say to this?” Courtney laughed maniacally, snapping a photo and immediately uploading it to instagram.

courtneyact: not pretty!

The notifications began almost instantly but she didn’t care. She stared at herself in the mirror, the edges of Shane’s face and Courtney’s blurred by the ruined makeup.

She kept her wig on and decided to look down at her phone.

adoredelano: you’re right, you’re beautiful courm! no matter what!

“No!” Courtney yelled, slamming her fist into the silver mirror. A loud shatter broke the otherwise silent room, and shortly after Courtney felt her right hand stinging.

You’re nothing more than a pretty face.

“Lies!” Courtney sobbed, grabbing a piece of broken mirror off of the floor. “I am more then my beauty.”

She stared down at the sharp edge of the piece of broken mirror in her hand, placing it against her chest.

“This isn’t beauty.” Courtney murmured, watching herself drag the sharp edge across her pectoral muscle. A ribbon of blood followed the blade and gushed quickly out of her. She repeated it again and again, in different spots. Some on her leg, others on her arm, some even on her stomach.

She felt dizzy, and finally succumbed to her hand injury and cuts collapsing onto the floor of her dressing room.

————–

After Willam had called Courtney 5 times, she rushed over to the club where she had performed at. Running inside, she sprinted towards the backstage to the last door on the right. A large gold star hung on the door with Courtney’s name on it.

Willam knocked on the door loudly.

No response.

“We’ve been trying to get her to come out for 30 minutes now. Here’s a key. She’d probably want to see you more than us anyway.” A backstage attendant said, handing her the small gold key.

That was odd, Willam thought. Usually Courtney was out in 15 minutes tops. Even then, she usually left the dressing room door open for anyone who had any questions.

Willam sighed, pushing the key into the hole and twisting it.

When she opened it, she was not expecting what she saw.

“Courtney? Courtney!” Willam exclaimed, rushing to the broken girls side. She shook her wildly, not even caring that she was getting blood all over her brand new Versace dress.

No response. Courtney looked pale and unlike herself, her makeup was all but a couple of messy streaks all over her face. A single piece of broken mirror was stuck in her right hand, that had smaller shards stuck inside of it.

“Courtney please don’t leave me. I’ll do anything, please I can’t lose you!” Willam sobbed, holding her close to her.

One of the managers of the club came rushing in, distraught written all over her face as she observed the sad scene before her.

“U-um, would you like me to call an ambulance?” She stuttered.

“I needed you to call one 10 minutes ago! Call now!” Willam barked, still watching Courtney. concerned. He checked her pulse and realized she was still breathing, even if it was faintly.

“Thank god she’s still breathing. I would’ve sued you motherfuckers. I’ll pay for all of the damage so don’t worry about that. Just get the fuck out of here and get her some fucking medical attention!” Willam exclaimed frantically. She felt like she was going to be sick. She couldn’t lose her Courtney, not right now. Not so soon after Warner.

The manager rushed out and Willam hummed to herself as she rocked Courtney in her arms.

Being pretty wasn’t always pretty. Sometimes, being pretty was an awful, tragic mess.