#veganconeydog

[brooklyndrinksandgoeshome]

Good Ideas, Best Decisions

Being in J.’s basement was like being in a time capsule that contained over 200 years of memories brought together by punk rock, mutual friends and bad decisions, but what came out of it was a camaraderie of friendship that felt as if we spoke only a week ago as opposed to ten years since everyone was actually together. A. didn’t want to rehash his pre-heart attack pre-born again Christian stories of drinking, fighting and possible kidnapping, not because he didn’t find them hilarious, but because his wife was never privy to what kind of person he was before they tied the knot over 13 years ago. J. proudly came down and laughed about his teenage days of taking acid and exposing himself to the red eyed drivers on I-275, something of which would make him a reluctant internet celebrity and earn an instant registration on the national sex offenders list. LD. was reminded of her brother’s legendary Wyandotte, Michigan eviction party where, looking back on it, most of us met in the first place: Broken furniture, walls tagged an exploding toilets and an alleged police investigation because of the roomfuls of splattered Jello that resembled a torture scene.* 24 years later, we still laugh about it especially knowing that LD’s brother moved back into said apartment 9 years later without realizing it. LD simply rolled her eyes; she heard all these stories several times before and she’s still known as the little sister who never drank, got in trouble nor were we allowed to date her --she looked way to much like her brother anyway.

Nobody brought up why we were there in the first place, that wasn’t the point of the impromptu wake. We were there to celebrate life, memories and friendships over beers and the records we still listen to 25 years later. We don’t do this enough and as much as I hope my friends and family would do the same for me, I also hope that it doesn’t take another passing for us to be together again. 

To Sandy. I know we haven’t spoken all that much in the last 20, but you brought a lot of love and friendship together over the years like it was yesterday. Nothing will be forgotten. 

*Two years later, a couple of knuckleheads in the neighboring city of Trenton tried to repeat this event going as far as posting flyers around town like it was some punk show. Although the apartment eventually got a giant mouse hole between the living room and bedroom that was big enough to safely jump though, all it led was a couple of arrests, historically bad credit and the organizers having to spend the rest of their married lives putting everything in their wives name.

@@@

Shrinks are expensive and I can’t help but resent how mental health is treated like an elective secondary treatment, like we choose to hate ourselves, feel guilty over some shit that happened over 30 years ago, that completely disappearing off the face of this Earth seems like it would be the best for everyone; just taking up all this room, being more of a walking environmental waste than a human being. It’s way easy to take up too much Tumblr space about my problems because this RAM (or broadband or whatever it is that makes all the room to publish data on here) could be easily used for puppy GIFs instead. I mean seriously! Puppy GIFs > Pages of my depression any day. 

So yeah, this is one of the many reasons why I’d rather see someone in person and talk it out. I’m not about posting way too personal information on the internets anymore; I mean as positive as it is to share and relate similar experiences with everyone on here, the well meaning advice from friends and complete strangers can be conflicting from either channeling one’s own issues and insecurities onto me, or unintentionally providing me with dismissive answers as if it’s simple and not daunting to go back to school and completely change careers at 40, or start a food truck like there’s no overhead and that everyone in Detroit wants a vegan Coney whatthefuck.

Can’t say I expected this year to start off the way it did, and that’s not exactly a bad thing. But living life without much of a  safety net and actually doing things for myself instead of putting others in front of me is a new feeling and I feel like I don’t completely deserve this in the first place --frankly, that’s been the most difficult part of what I’ve been trying to call Funemployment these past five weeks and counting. The network of family and friends around me is stronger than I imagined even if they provide the conflicting, well meaning, aforementioned advice --”leave Detroit,” and “don’t move to NYC” has been a common theme among everyone, depending on which side of the country they’re on which if anything, has given me the additional worst case neurosis' that no one wants me around. Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with going to the library to write this out, there’s nothing wrong with taking a nap when you get home, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping in until 10AM just so as long as you get everything you need to get done and there’s nothing wrong with watching all ten episodes of The People Vs OJ Simpson in one sitting. Seriously, that’s a great miniseries you should all check out. 

It’s also a weird, almost unwelcoming feeling to make a decision on what you want to do next, whatever that it. It’s also way worse to...(edited out)...Ugh!

The above is what I’m currently stressing over at the moment. Maybe a vegan coney dog food truck is something Detroit needs after all. 

[tikapallani-blog]

CUZ I DO WHAT I WANT