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localqueerdad · 7 years ago

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completely wrapped around an honest hurt

pairing: jerevin word count: 2,378 summary: based off the prompt ‘all my intel said you’re not meant to be back until next week and I’m sitting here using your flat as a sniper nest to kill a bad guy. this is awkward.’

read on ao3 | buy me a coffee

It was roughly three o’clock in the morning when Jeremy broke into his ex-boyfriend’s apartment with only his sniper rifle and a backpack full of red bull.

The block his ex lived in was nice. A tall white building on the outskirts of this hellish city, with petite bushes surrounding the entrance and park benches decorating the front lawn. It was inconspicuous, quaint; the kind of place that only elderly people and young parents would live in.

As such, it was perfect for one of the most infamous criminals in Los Santos.

Gavin Free, also known as the Golden Boy or Vav or anything else he felt like calling himself, was the epitome of danger. He only cared about money and glitz and manipulation. It was what he fed on, essentially. And he was good. A pretty face spinning pretty lies like cobwebs in an abandoned warehouse. Hacking and twisting people’s minds was his forte, but he was more of a jack of all trades. It suited him. People like him were not meant for average lives or to pass away peacefully at ninety in their sleep. They lived vicariously and uproariously and always died young.

When Jeremy had first met Gavin five years ago, he had recognised this in him immediately, accompanied by a darkness. A willingness to do nearly anything to achieve what he wanted. He was more moral than some, but it was still evident in his reckless nature and wickedly sharp grin.

Jeremy had fallen in love with him anyway. Of course he had. He was young and naive and Gavin had been golden, a shining beacon in the coldness of an unfamiliar city. They had been good together for three whole years; balancing one another out, laughing about everything and anything. Running free throughout the streets of this place which couldn’t care less if they were to evaporate tomorrow.

And then, Gavin had to get himself almost killed and something deep inside of Jeremy snapped.

His mind was a mess - a labyrinth of repressed trauma and smothered anger and undiluted fear that controlled his every waking moment. So he started distancing himself from Gavin, saying that he just had a lot of jobs or deals or anything that would lead to him not having to deal with him for one more night. Finally Jeremy had to break up with him.

At first, Gavin had no physical reaction to the words pouring out of Jeremy’s mouth. He just stared, one hand clenched around the armrest of their couch. After Jeremy had finished with his spiel, Gavin refused to look at him. He simply nodded, emotionless, and asked if he should start packing his things. When Jeremy replied that he was the one actually moving out, Gavin shrugged and said of course. The silence was deafening, choking Jeremy with its intensity and he felt more remorse in that moment than he had ever experienced in his life before.

What worried him most was that Gavin never reacted. He hadn’t said anything, simply disappeared into thin air. No one could pull a vanishing act like the Golden Boy.

The silence hurt. His heart hurt. So he did the only thing he knew how to do properly: ignore the situation entirely. Not healthy, sure, but since when did Jeremy do himself any favours? He had been the one to do this and he would be the one to deal with the aftermath.

And so Jeremy carried on. He cut all ties with the crew who had nearly gotten Gavin killed, ignored the news articles with the Golden Boy’s latest conquests splashed on the front page, turned away from the whispers and rumours of Los Santos’ most valuable export. He made himself useful by taking small jobs from medium sized gangs that involved anything from hefty muscle work to quiet sniper shots in the dead of night.

It wasn’t much, but it kept his mind busy. Before he knew it, two years had flown by and he was somewhat well known in this thankless city for his skills. It was all fine. He could cope with this.

That was, of course, until this stupid job which paid a ridiculous amount of money came around. The crew was up and coming, and they wanted an outspoken opponent of theirs dead. Fair enough, really. It was what was involved in this process that drove Jeremy up the wall.

His target lived opposite Gavin’s flat. This nice suburban area with its petite bushes and cute park benches and harmless neighbours who had probably done nothing wrong in their entire lives.

Logically, he knew that the best option he had if he wanted the money was to get him while he was in his apartment, but the crew wanted a discreet, clean job - which meant pulling his sniper rifle out.

And of course, of course, because the universe just loved to fuck with Jeremy, Gavin’s flat was directly opposite his target’s.

He wondered if the fall from the top of the block would kill him, quickly rationalised that the only thing it would succeed in doing was hurt and got back to work.

So here he was, sleep deprived and grumpy, setting up his gun in his ex’s flat. He hated everything.

It was a nice place. Jeremy tried his best not to get distracted by all of Gavin’s trinkets, but he couldn’t help himself. It was all so… Gavin. A solid wooden table in the middle of the room with the ugliest carpet he had ever seen beneath it, framed posters of retro video games hanging on the walls, tiny statues of cats lining the fireplace - everything in this room was tainted with his personality. With memories.

Jeremy remembered a time where they had to replace their brand new glass table because Gavin had accidentally smashed it after one too many beers. He remembered going to flea markets and picking up miniature statues which they would give funny names to. Lazy mornings making coffee and dancing together in their socks. Not having a care in the world aside from one another.

Those days were dead, now. Jeremy had a job to do.

He finished setting his rifle up, settling himself in for a long night. Morning. Whatever. He unzipped his bag and pulled a can out, sighing to himself as he tried to calm his racing thoughts. He had to focus.

Thirty minutes passed without any sight of his target in the flat opposite. Then an hour. Then two.

Jeremy was starting to wonder if his intel was dodgy because he’d been told that this guy would absolutely be in his flat at this time. He stayed anyway because he had nothing better to do and Gavin wouldn’t be back for another week.

And then he heard the front door open, key clicking in the lock and boots thumping on the floor, before shutting the door and snapping Jeremy out of his thoughts.

And then Gavin entered the living room, spotted a familiar looking man crouched over a sniper rifle pointing out of his window, and pulled a gun on him.

And then Jeremy turned around to see the muzzle pointed at his face and practically shat himself.

The most awful, soul-crushing quiet passed between the two as Jeremy stared at Gavin in disbelief. He looked awful. Messy hair which looked like it hadn’t been brushed in days, purple stains printed underneath tired eyes, rumpled clothing. Shaking hands.

“What are you doing here, Jeremy.”

With that, Gavin lowered his gun and sat down on the couch behind him, cradling his head in his hands. Jeremy remained rooted to his spot on the ground, arms outstretched behind him, still looking at the other man in shock. He shook himself and sat up properly, not quite meeting Gavin’s eyes.

“I - uh - shit, this shouldn’t have happened. My intel told me that you wouldn’t be back for another week because of a job you were on. Gavin I’m so -”

He was cut off by Gavin, who waved a hand at him impatiently. “Well the job went bloody tits up so I got to come home a few hours early. There’s your pissing intel.”

He didn’t sound angry. Jeremy expected angry. He could deal with angry. What Gavin was, though, was exhausted. It was evident in the way he carried himself; his tone, the look in his eyes. It broke Jeremy’s heart and he hadn’t known what to do.

“What are you even doing here?” Gavin asked, curiosity evident in his voice. “And why is there a rifle sticking out of my window at my very nice neighbour’s flat?”

Jeremy laughed and nervously ran a hand through his hair. “Oh, uh, it’s a job. Your neighbour has made some pretty powerful enemies by being an A class fuckhole, apparently. I’m just the sucker who’s getting paid for this.”

“I don’t think that makes you a sucker. That makes you good at what you do.”

Gavin’s words hit Jeremy in the stomach and he looked away from him as he tried to keep his breathing under control. Why was he so damn sweet? This was gonna kill Jeremy. Here lies Jeremy Dooley, too gay for his ex boyfriend. Fucking perfect.

He nodded, still focusing on Gavin’s ugly ass carpet. It was 5.30 now, and Jeremy could feel how tired he was. Sleep deprivation was not his friend. It wasn’t Gavin’s either, judging by the way he couldn’t seem to stop yawning as he rubbed his temple in a circular motion.

Suddenly, Jeremy couldn’t bear to deal with this anymore.

“Do you want me to go?” He said, a heaviness creeping into his bones. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now - or, ever, really.”

Gavin stared at him. Straight into his eyes, practically peering into his pitch black soul. Jeremy felt the need to meet his gaze.

He relented after a moment and Gavin groaned into his hands.

“I don’t - I don’t hate you, Jeremy.” He mumbled, rubbing his left hand up and down his other arm. “I know why you did what you did, and it’s been years now. I’m okay.”

Jeremy shifted his position on the floor so that he could hug his knees to his chest and rest his chin on top of his knees. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just… Scared, I guess. We were so young. You - you almost died.” His voice broke slightly on the last word, and he swallowed his regret.

Gavin nodded, sighing to himself. “That was really stupid of me. Thoughtless. I should have listened to you. I’m sorry.”

“That’s not all. You just - you didn’t react. You didn’t say anything. You let me pack my bags and leave and you didn’t say a word.”

“I didn’t know what to do.”

There was a sudden rawness present in Gavin that Jeremy had never seen before. A catastrophic vulnerability. His broken pieces were scattered on the floor, cutting anyone who dared get too close to him, and Jeremy didn’t know how to fix this or if he even could.

Gavin carried on, clearing his throat. “I was stupid and reckless. And that hurt you. I never really apologised for that so… I’m sorry. I really am.”

He stood then, taking a step toward Jeremy before hesitating. Jeremy smiled, inclining his head so that Gavin knew that he could sit down in front of him.

When he had made himself comfortable on the floor, he was so close that his hands had brushed Jeremy’s legs as he had sat down and Jeremy could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He was going to die. This was the end.

Jeremy shook his head, uncurling himself so that he could talk to Gavin more openly. “I’m sorry, too,” he’d said quietly. “I should’ve given you a better explanation. I was kinda a mess.

Gavin snorted, moving his hand to cover his mouth as he grinned. Jeremy found himself unconsciously pushing Gavin’s offending hand away so that he could see his smile. Gavin blushed and Jeremy could feel his own cheeks grow warm as well.

They sat like that for what seemed like forever, knees knocking against each other until the wail of Jeremy’s ring tone broke the peace that had fallen. Jeremy cringed and pulled his phone out of his pocket, before groaning loudly at the number on the screen.

“Is that your employers?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy sighed, rubbing his palm over his eyes. “Probably wondering why I haven’t updated them in a while.”

“Well,” Gavin smirked roguishly, “just tell them you had a few unforeseen circumstances.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes and allowed a small huff to leave his mouth. “I’ll tell them to give me better intel. The guy wasn’t even in his apartment.”

“Oh yeah. He’s on holiday. Should be back next week.”

“What?” Jeremy’s eyes opened wide as his jaw essentially hit the floor. “Oh my god. Oh, holy shit.”

Gavin tilted his head at Jeremy’s outburst, looking slightly concerned.

“The intel was mixed up.” Jeremy clarified. “You were the one coming back from your trip today and he’s the dude who’s away. Oh my god.”

He was met with an incredulous look, before Gavin begun to howl with laughter. Full body, clutching his stomach laughter which resounded throughout the entire room. A joyful sound that Jeremy hadn’t heard in so long that it made him start laughing, too.

They cackled for a bit, huffing out small breaths and smiling at each other. Jeremy’s phone pinged again, and he grunted as he sent a text off explaining the situation and that he’d be back next week to finish the job. The crew wouldn’t be happy, sure, but that wasn’t his fault.

“I’m gonna make some breakfast.” Gavin said, pushing himself off the ground and holding out a hand to help Jeremy up.

He took it without hesitation.

“Do you have any coffee?”

“Yes, Jeremy, who do you think I am?”

Jeremy knew they still had more to talk about and things to work through, but for now, it was enough having Gavin back in his life. It’d be worth the effort. It was Gavin. Of course it would be.

#mine #fake ah crew #fahc #jerevin #i am so tired lmao im gonna go to bed in a bit #but blease enjoy this i need validation desperately #also i owe my entire life to jack jackbaetillo i would die for u my guy #okay im out adios

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nofomoartworld · 7 years ago

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We Asked Dutch Art School Students How They Survived Their Thesis Shows

This article originally appeared on Creators Netherlands, as part of a series exploring senior thesis shows at art schools. Brace yourself!

Studying and sitting around usually go hand in hand. Somehow, you always seem to find a great new TV series to obsessively binge watch the week before an exam, and by the time the series is finished, you only have enough time left to scroll through some of the PowerPoint slides the night before the test. Most of the time that's just enough effort to pass, and then you can go on with your life.

Fortunately, that period is over for these students from the Gerrit Rietveld Academy, a renowned Dutch visual arts and design college based in Amsterdam. These guys and gals have just turned in their graduation work and their thesis shows, so we thought it was the perfect opportunity to look back at the tricks, tips, and clever ways they were able to circumvent the strict regime of Gerrit Rietveld Academy.

Daniel Farr (29), VAV - Moving Image Graduated with Muscle Dollies in Holon "It's based on a book by Terence McKenna and some conversations about out-of-body experiences, some stages of your subconscious, and different research methods."

Creators: Sounds interesting, but how do you feel when you look back at all your years at Rietveld?

Daniel Farr: They were definitely the hardest, most challenging, and tormenting years of my life.

So how did you survive them?

Through good old willpower, perseverance, and determination.

Sure, but when did you cut corners?

All the time, actually. I didn't always show up—not for academic things, anyway.

Did you have to flatter your teachers to get away with that?

No, but I told them I needed time to work on my own ideas outside of the academy. They often understood that.

Eva Verheul (30), designLAB Graduated with 5.5 mm Yellow "I make things that are related to visual communication. This is an installation of watching furniture— furniture you can't sit on, but can only look at. And I wanted to capture all the different layers of that process of watching in my work, so [there's meaning] in the shape, color, and texture of every layer."

I can see you put blood, sweat and tears into this. Were there also times when you didn't feel like doing anything?

Eva Verheul: Yes, of course. Especially during the work process when you think, where is this going?

Did you feel that way with this graduation project?

Well, I actually wanted to make a combination of three objects, but I didn't think the blue cube I made was tight enough.

Did you ever cut corners during your studies?

On the contrary, I had moments where I'd think about things that were way too difficult more often than not. I wanted to make a huge heating system in which you'd also wear a heating suit, but I only had three weeks left, so it just became a body warmer with hand-warmer hot packs inside—the ones you can break for warmth. But once they've cooled off, you need to reheat them—but obviously nobody [carries around] a pot you can use to cook a body warmer.

Were you punished for it?

Yeah, they're hard [on us] here. In my first year, I spent a lot of time making a maquette of the Rietveld building with little gems. Something just felt very homemade and not quite good about it, but I still showed it to my teacher. He was very quiet for a few moments, and then he said, "I think it's best if you just throw this away."

Wiebe Bouwsema (22), Fine Arts Graduated with Multiple Untitled Works "It's a series of installations that originated from previous works, which are also depicted on each part. I want to create full, [immersive] spaces, so I locked myself in a room with only A4 paper [to make] one of them."

Why A4 paper?

Wiebe Bouwsema: The material got my attention. It's a widely used and well-known format [in Europe].

Okay then. Did you ever cut corners during your studies?

No, I take everything I do very seriously. I put a lot of time into my projects.

But if you're really being honest, was there ever a time when you just didn't feel like working?

During presentations or critiques, there's moments in which you really think, why do I actually do this? And what am I actually doing? It's hard to hear what someone else thinks about your work when you already know what their feedback is going to be.

Nikola Lamburov (25), Photography Graduated with Dodge and Burn "My work is about the violence that surrounds photography, which can be very intimidating. Just look at photography terms like 'shooting', 'burning', and 'dodging'. I'm also obsessed with fashion magazines."

In all the years you studied at Rietveld, did you ever want to…

Nikola Lamburov: Kill myself?

Yes?

It was difficult, of course. But then you also remember that it's such a privilege to study at this Academy. Was there ever a time where you thought, "well, fuck it"—or a time where you walked into the studio with a major hangover?

I always played it pretty clean during the week. But on the weekends...

But what did you do when you were totally over taking photos?

I'd clean my entire house like a maniac. I'd put all my furniture out in the hallway so that I could really clean the whole room from top to bottom. It would make me active again, and help me get over my laziness.

Marie Larsen (26), VAV - Moving Image Graduated with Curve Your Enthusiasm "I like to work with things I find and [things with social recall]. For example, I found a curly cucumber in the supermarket, and I immediately found it to be perverse—like, sexually—but by creating more of them, they lose the perverse meaning attached to them."

When combined with lots of pink, there's definitely something sexual about those cucumbers.

Marie Larsen: Yeah, and you also see that people get a bit uncomfortable when they're looking at it. Has your own work ever made you feel uncomfortable yourself?

Yeah, I've found myself in messy situations every now and then.

Have you ever put off doing everything until the absolute last minute?

You just have to force a lot out of yourself—this thesis show is the only deadline you have. I started in January and even until this very moment, there's been days when I woke up and really didn't feel like doing anything. Definitely.

Josefine Boel Johannessen (27), VAV - Moving Image Graduated with The Sweetest Tongue Has Sharpest Tooth "I'm fascinated by gardens and symbols of female figures. For me, a garden is a place to feed yourself and it's also a safe place."

Is this real grass?

Josefine Boel Johannessen: Yes, I planted the grass here myself and I water it every two days. There are flies, spiders, and other animals in it, but I like that.

Have you ever made something you weren't as proud of?

Yes—in my first year. You have to make a lot of stuff in your first year here, and sometimes you just don't think things through enough. You always get the impression that you could've done a better job, too.

I'm starting to suspect that you're a bit of an overachiever. There must've been something you put a little less effort into, right?

Nope. But I'm kind of sensitive and introverted, so I need time for myself. I'll take a short break from my work and that can sometimes be seen as lazy.

Click here to learn more about Gerrit Rietveld Academy.

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London's Royal Academy of Arts Gets Witchy for Summer

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