#vash loves to lie he's a liar

[memecatwings]

i looooooove how babygirl vash is in trigun stampede but everything else about this reboot is kind of giving me the ick sorry

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trimax Thoughts Vol. 2 Pt. 2

Or, Wolfwood is a terrible liar and that's actually way more compelling than if he was good at it.

Wolfwood is quickly becoming one of my favourites in this series. I love a character with a good internal conflict who challenges the protagonist, and he's such a delightfully odd little critter of a man which makes him doubly enjoyable to me. He also causes me emotional damage, which kind of sealed the deal.

So, let's review what we know about his situation so far: He is, allegedly, a traveling priest, but his other job, the one he makes most of his money with, is some kind of dirty business (given the company of the Gung Ho Guns, it is likely as an assassin or a hired gun). Legato hired (?) him along with the rest of the GHG, and we know the fate of anyone who fails or tries to run. He knows this too - he can't leave. He's trapped. There was a two-year time-skip between Fifth Moon and his return in which he was searching for Vash, allegedly about the mass disappearances. We don't know fully what his current situation is, but given the GHG's continued orders, the recognition by Rai-Dei, and the way he knows way too much about Knives, it seems likely he is still stuck working for him - from here, it's still unclear what exactly his orders are, but it seems likely he is set up to betray or antagonize Vash later on.

This seems like it should be the set up for a character who has to lie constantly. Setting up smiles and earning the trust of their target. Their conflict about their mission vs their budding attachment being a deeply internalized struggle that slowly bubbles up to the surface as time goes on.

Wolfwood (kind of?) tries to do this, to be fair. But. He is so bad at it.

(Fair warning: this got LONG. I am sorry in advance.)

He is not a good liar. He doesn't even come up with a proper reason to explain his knowledge of Knives. He does not make any active effort to win Vash's trust. His internal conflict bleeds out of him to the surface almost right away and is glaringly obvious. He's just. So bad at not seeming suspicious. Here's the prime examples:

In his first appearance, he responds to Vash questioning how he makes money as a priest by practically admitting he has some kind of side job with a troubled and more serious expression than he's worn in the entire chapter (his eye is pale instead of dark here - take note of this btw this is important!). He doesn't even know Vash. Vash is some random stranger he just met on a bus. Why are you telling him this.

He reveals his giant cross is actually a giant gun with no lead up or warning whatsoever in front of a very startled Vash. He never explains why he is carrying around a giant cross-gun.

He says he's been looking for Vash for two years but the reason he gives is the mass disappearances, which only started six months ago.

He reveals that he knows way too much about Knives to not be associated with him in some way. Vash is obviously suspicious and asks about it, to which Wolfwood replies that he has a grudge against Knives and that he'd explain it later. ...he proceeds to never explain it.

Wolfwood gets annoyed when Vash says he's meeting with someone but it's a secret, to which Vash points out Wolfwood is hiding things too. Wolfwood just says "..." and. Does not deny this.

Wolfwood once again reveals he knows way too much about Knives. Vash is obviously suspicious by now and questions him again to which Wolfwood deflects in the most obvious way by changing the topic entirely and saying "Oh look a sandworm wow that's a big one!" Which. Does not fool Vash at all? That wouldn't fool anyone? You just made yourself more suspicious???????

Wolfwood and Rai-Dei clearly recognize each other. Vash is left looking between them in confusion while Wolfwood, once again, does not try to explain away anything - which would be a good thing to do, considering Rai-Dei is one of the Gung Ho Guns and he would probably want to... not imply any connection to them?

In short. What are you doing. What are you doing???

It's so funny to me because this is 100% an "I know/I know you know" kind of situation, and they could be playing mind games about this or leaning on that but instead they're just both blatantly ignoring the giant sandworm in the room. But it makes sense for these characters and is way more interesting in this case - after all, the core conflict so far revolves around second chances, and changing your life, and not killing so that people have a life to change. If Vash was unaware of the potential threat of Wolfwood, we could chalk a lot of his amicability with him up to ignorance, but we can't, because he isn't ignorant at all. This in turn makes Vash utterly confounding to Wolfwood, which makes his internal conflict not as much about the situation surrounding Vash, but about Vash himself, and what that may say about Wolfwood's own character.

Also, I personally think it's really fun to see how silly they are together in spite of all of this looming over them. Disagreeing on something so major as life and death coupled with Wolfwood's obvious suspiciousness - they really probably... shouldn't get along?

It's not a completely unfounded dynamic though. They met once, before Wolfwood knew that he was going to be made an enemy to Vash, and they clicked. Very easily. It was a brief meeting but it was impactful enough that Vash immediately recognizes him two years later.

And Wolfwood's eyes are dark when speaking with him.

Ok! Now I get to delve into the entire reason I wanted to make this post in the first place - it ties in firmly with Wolfwood being not great at lying or hiding his intentions.

Tristamp Vash voice: "You can see it in his eyes."

No. Seriously. The manga does some really interesting things with shading to draw attention to specific parts of a panel, such as shadowing entire faces to display rage or indicate "something to be afraid of", shading things in gray to emphasize them in the scene... and in Wolfwood's case, making his dark eyes look pale to indicate his emotional state, in what I have now taken to calling the "Wolfwood pale eyes of distress". I use distress to specifically encapsulate emotions like fear, desperation, feeling trapped, and internal conflict - strong, negative emotions that become more overwhelming the less control he has over a potentially threatening situation. Here's some examples:

So, yeah, his eyes are extremely expressive. Not only is he not a great liar, but his eyes pretty much always complement what he's feeling or saying - they give him away. Small wonder he's typically wearing sunglasses when interacting with people. Wolfwood appears to be somewhat aware of his eyes being giveaways... but I think he may have misinterpreted what exactly they reveal. He seems to think they reveal his darkness; the "devil" he's had to become. I can think of no other explanation for why his eyes are firmly shut in the nightmare sequence as soon as the kids run up to him.

^ This caused me immense pain btw. Not only is he keeping his eyes shut in front of the kids, he keeps that smile fixed on his face - the panel on the side is clearly internal. So he's... doubly hiding himself. He doesn't want to scare them, or for him to see the "monster" he's become so he smiles and acts like everything's fine even though he's pained. Hm. Sounds like... someone else we know...

However, what Vash sees is not some devil.

The ending of the Rai-Dei fight is when the budding conflict between Vash and Wolfwood reaches a breaking point. Interestingly, Wolfwood starts this fight without his glasses, but puts them on somewhere between Rai-Dei mentioning the Gung Ho Guns know where Vash's home is and Wolfwood deciding to interfere - which really means aiming to kill Rai-Dei. It's interesting he should take the time to put them back on like that. It doesn't really matter though, because we see his eyes anyways as he shoots Rai-Dei dead.

Ah yes. The eyes of a man completely unaffected and not at all bothered by the act of killing. Note the paleness again. They're like that all the way through this scene. The glasses do manage to cover his eyes in the next bit where he proceeds to shoot Rai-Dei again three more times. Hard to read his expression here but I'm assuming he went somewhat blank. He mentions later that he shoots twice in the head, twice in the heart - this was probably a "finishing of the job"; he's on autopilot - and so he doesn't actually react at first when Vash punches the glasses right off his face.

My actual reaction when I read this: OH???????

The glasses are off now. His cover is gone. And Wolfwood goes "to hell with it" and all but reveals that he's probably going to be a future threat to Vash.

Wolfwood takes the gun he just used to kill Rai-Dei, presses it into Vash's hand, aims it at his own head and tells Vash to shoot. Now, disregarding the fact that this is such a normal thing to do (sarcasm...), the intention here is pretty obvious. Wolfwood genuinely thinks that someone has to die for others to live, and because Vash won't kill, he believes he is the one who has to do so. If Vash would face threats with lethal intent, if he would dirty his own hands, then Wolfwood would trade his life - but they both know Vash won't shoot. However, I'm not sure if Wolfwood consciously realizes what he all but admitted here - pointing the gun at his own head, "so you won't hesitate to take out the next man who gets in your way"... they've both been dancing around the issue of Wolfwood's suspiciousness but here he might as well have said "I'm a threat. You know I'm probably a threat. Why don't you defend yourself? How can you be this naïve?" And all the while he's making full eye contact - probably expecting to have revealed that darkness within him. But Vash does not see Wolfwood as a devil. He sees him as playing the role of one. Vash is upset with Wolfwood here, but he's also upset for Wolfwood. Vash sees right through him to his inner conflict and pain, the same way Wolfwood saw through Vash to his pain.

Backtracking a bit.

Remember how I commented close to the beginning of this that Wolfwood's eyes are dark when he speaks with Vash again after two years? The way the conflict builds between them is really interesting too, because it doesn't really start as an argument (or at least, that's not how I took it).

I think I saw someone on here commenting on how funny it is that Wolfwood is expositing Plants to Vash, which is for the reader's benefit probably, but is still an interesting way to segue into the moral conflict that will characterize them in future.

Explaining the Plant and resulting conflict in straightforward terms. "We've had this talk already." Stating what he sees as simple truths of the world bluntly but not unkindly. Rapping on the door and wanting to finish the earlier conversation, and suddenly I realized "wait. wait."

He's. It's almost like he's trying to teach him. Like one would explain things to a child who doesn't yet understand the world's harsh realities. Which is so funny for so many reasons.

For one, Vash... plays along? Just because, I guess? Look at that intense look of concentration while Wolfwood educates him about what Plants do. He is being very attentive and listening really hard. Also, the next part too is just...

Vash, sniffling: "Why do things like this have to happen?" :'(

Hjdhfdjhb??? (Like he definitely is genuinely upset but it's not like he doesn't understand... the little pout after too...)

For another, I'm so fascinated that Wolfwood initially decides that Vash must just not understand the ways of the world because like. He's seen his scars before. He can see Vash's scars in this very scene. You can't chalk that up to naivete... but if it isn't that, then Wolfwood can't understand it, so he leans into this interpretation, despite having to know that it's wrong.

For as much as this sounds kind of condescending of him, I don't think he really intends it that way - he may think the pacifism is naïve, but he doesn't actually see Vash as a child. It may be somewhat automatic for him to approach it this way, because I'm assuming Wolfwood's positive interactions are mainly with children, and again, I don't think he's trying to start an argument here. He wants answers out of Vash, because Vash confuses him, and, after Fifth Moon, scares him too.

When he finds Vash again two years later, his eyes are dark, not pale. He's not scared of Vash in that scene, not the same way he was when he witnessed the Fifth Moon event. He greets him on fairly friendly terms and seems decently comfortable around him - enough to laugh at him, scold him, and share/fight over food. But there is still that moment of trepidation, where Wolfwood carefully brings up Fifth Moon and is clearly trying to gauge Vash's reaction. This is the random guy he met on a bus two years ago who seemed human enough. This is also the same guy he witnessed blow a crater into a moon, revealing himself to be something much more powerful and inhuman than he could understand. I believe a lot of this early questioning - the poking and prodding at Vash's morals, the watching to see what he'll do, is Wolfwood's attempt to reconcile these very conflicting views.

Unfortunately, instead of his questions and challenges clarifying things, they only muddy the waters further for him. Vash's actions, that kind of selfless-looking pacifism, is completely unexplainable by his current worldview - worse, the continued survival of Vash's pacifism directly conflicts with it. As Wolfwood's inner conflict is uncomfortably forced to the forefront of his mind where he spent his whole life repressing it, Vash becomes more unsettling to him, and the moral conflict, which started as an attempt to understand and question becomes confrontational. Vash's no-killing philosophy should not be possible to maintain, and Wolfwood responds by becoming more reactive and terrified.

When thinking later, he straight up says he's never seen someone put other's lives above their own. He nearly died as a child and the only thing that saved him was raw survival instinct. He's had to fend for himself. No one came to help. No wonder he doesn't have much hope. He thinks that to be human is to eventually succumb to the harshness of the world and to join that never ending cycle of violence (no matter how much he hates it) - notably though, he's not like Knives, who believes that humans are born bad. Rather, he seems to believe that people become corrupted, are forced to become "devils", over time and due to the inhospitable world they have to struggle to survive in. If he really believed humans were inherently bad, he wouldn't try to hide his eyes and bloodied hands from the kids (innocent!). It's why he can recognize Rai-Dei and the rest of the GHG as human, even when it's claimed they have given up their humanity. To Wolfwood, that in itself is just a part of being human.

Funnily enough, it is Vash's kindness surviving against all odds that cements him as something inhuman in Wolfwood's mind. And not only does seeing Vash as something not-human bring back some of the terror he felt during the Fifth Moon Incident, but it also puts Wolfwood in a very uncomfortable position of having the necessity of his darker actions be called into question. Vash is now threatening. And Wolfwood starts to respond to that threat in the way that is most natural for him.

There's some extra complications here too though - Wolfwood definitely cares about Vash too, at least to some extent. Their first meeting had none of this baggage, and Wolfwood expresses some worry about Vash's smiles not being genuine. They fall into a pretty natural, easy dynamic after one meeting and a two-year gap. He also shows a level of protectiveness really early on - that was the purpose of my funny little counter I did on a previous thoughts post, but let's look at this particular instance right here:

Return of pale eyes Wolfwood, who is genuinely concerned and pissed off. At first I assumed that Wolfwood was running to go after the still-present threat of Keele but the next time we see them, Vash is getting patched up and Wolfwood is standing in the room with him - the part where Wolfwood is running there is him trying to get medical help. This is not even bringing up the part after where he pulls out the tobasco sauce. (As an addition, it's also the last time he calls him "Vash" instead of "needle-noggin" - endearing nickname, or an attempt to distance himself? Who knows. Not Wolfwood, I'm sure.)

I do wonder if Wolfwood focused on some of the commonalities between them at first to attempt to bridge the gap between his conflicting images of Vash - I am not sure whether he's... well... self-aware enough to recognize that he also hides pain behind a smile and a pair of glasses, but they both sure are in uncomfortable positions of being wielded as weapons by Knives. The panel where Wolfwood tells Vash Knives is on the move again while he is superimposed directly below the spike jutting out of Knives' chest drives me insane. The threat of death looming over him like that. He’s trapped. Then there's the witnessing of the Fifth Moon incident, in which Vash's arm was quite literally hijacked and control taken away from him. Now, I understand this is mostly my assumption here but I don't think it's entirely unfounded - Wolfwood's expression when he watches this is a bit more detailed than the rest of the GHG, who mostly look shocked or scared - he looks that way too but there's also a furrowing of the brow that complicates the expression. Vash is screaming. Wolfwood's previous lamenting of the cycle of violence he's trapped in happens on the heels of realizing he'll be working against Vash. And when he finds him again, he's certainly wary, but not accusatory. I do think, terrified as he was by the implications of what Vash and Knives are and that sheer level of power, he does understand that Vash was being used and not in control of himself. I expect this is probably why he took the "grudge against Knives" angle - he recognizes Vash's anger and says "me too" - drawing a line of commonality between them.

But as the gap widens and Vash demonstrates clear differences that are unexplainable or otherwise threatening to Wolfwood, he becomes more discomforted and antagonistic as a result.

It all boils over after the Rai-Dei fight. At first, Wolfwood doesn't interfere in the fight because a) he knows Vash is competent, and b) he's a jerk sometimes and clearly thought him having a gunfight against a swordsman was funny. But that changes when it's revealed the GHG have located and are going to target Vash's home. The sunglasses get slipped back on. That's the point at which Wolfwood starts to go for his gun. Vash has turned deadly serious, and has told Rai-Dei to get out of his way, and Wolfwood probably assumed that this would be the exception to the rule - that's what he keeps saying, after all, that people will kill to defend those they love.

Instead, Vash tells Wolfwood to stay out of it, knowing he is intending to shoot Rai-Dei, and I do think that's the moment the conflict went from disagreement to actual anger.

What Wolfwood is not seeing is that Vash doesn't kill to defend the memory of someone he loved. That's not information Wolfwood is privy to, so while they are both protective people, the way they go about protecting is entirely different, and it's been there since the beginning.

This is a really cute scene, first of all. He's good with those kids. He crouches down to their level, splits the coins up evenly between them. It's kind of like saying "we're in this together"... and it's notably very different from what Vash does - that distance he maintains, and the way he probably would've given everything. Wolfwood keeps some for himself. As he puts it, for the sake of the orphanage kids, he has to stay alive, and that means prioritizing some lives above others, something that Vash refuses to do. But I think Wolfwood misunderstands that Vash sacrifices so much not because he "isn't human and therefore can", but because doggedly pursuing Rem's ideals and protecting humanity from Knives is just about the only thing keeping him going. Wolfwood doesn’t understand that Vash needs to believe that kindness exists in people’s hearts because he cannot understand how one could go on living otherwise.

Neither of them really have lives of their own, nor do they value themselves much. But they both continue to survive out of dedication to the paths they’ve chosen. Wolfwood kills to save the living - specifically, the kids and now Vash (it also assures he has a reason to keep fighting for his own survival - he can’t protect them if he’s dead). Vash refuses to kill to preserve the memory of someone who has died, Rem (again, this assures his survival, at least to a certain point - he can’t stop Knives if he’s dead). There’s something really interesting in that contrast, that leads them both to a “better me than them” mentality - Wolfwood the role of the weapon and Vash the role of the shield. But either way, this is, I think, why it’s hard for them to understand where the other is coming from at times, even though they see each other’s pain so clearly. These are worldviews they stick to stubbornly, born out of trauma; their respective ways of processing their continued survival from all that has happened to them.

Wolfwood is afraid to die, but he also has no hope for himself. While deeply conflicted by his actions, he has to believe there is necessity to them. So when Vash is confronting him, telling him he’s been crying out against the role he’s taken on this entire time, it shakes him, because he’s pushed all that down for so long, and it’s true. And I think he wants to believe that Vash’s sentiment is possible, but to him it just seems like false hope, even if he doesn’t want to be hurting people either. But if Vash is right, then that is even more distressing. It means that maybe he didn’t have to become a “devil”. That justifying the use of lethal force by necessity was never a justification at all. He goes from sinner with a cause to just a sinner. In that sense, him taking his own gun and putting it in Vash’s hand, aiming it at his own head and telling him to shoot if he really thinks he’s wrong… it reads as a punishment.

Not a bit of this would’ve been as effective if we were left to wonder about the characters’ intentions. Wolfwood being a bad liar, or really, not bothering to lie much, is interesting character wise and focuses the conflict on his and Vash’s internal persons and motives, rather than the external situation. I find it works much better to highlight Trigun’s themes that have cropped up so far.

Ok. I’m going to stop here because this is very long. Holy shit sorry. I just really like his character a lot and I’m excited to see where this conflict goes. They both raise some really good points that are difficult to reconcile.

I hope this actually made sense lol. We’ll see if it holds up when I get further into the manga.

[multiverse-imagines]

A/N: y'all, let me tell you that when they revealed Tristamp Vash had eating issues, I bawled. Like, baby no! please eat food! You deserve so much better!! So enjoy!

Eat, Dearest

The team sat around the campfire. Roberto, Wolfwood and Meryl were chatting as they ate their food. The night sky above them set the atmosphere, adorned with a billion stars. You on the other hand, couldn't take your eyes off of the Sad sap stampede sitting next to you.

To be fair, an entire town got demolished, and a lot of people died today. Knives ran off with another plant. Today was a major loss in this quiet war between the two Plant brothers.

Vash's food sat uneaten before him, he followed along with the conversation the other three were having. He was merely an observer at this time, though. His mind was obviously elsewhere.

You knew about Vash's self punishment when it came to food. Although you hadn't seen it in person, but you'd heard from Meryl about Juneora Rock, and Vash not eating for three days afterward.

Finished with your own food, you gently brushed your fingers against his, gaining his attention. He flinched as he was brought back into his body, giving you a loving look.

The two of you had been partners for a few weeks now. You had to reassure him constantly that the two of you would be okay, that you would always be by his side, and if he said run, you were faster than lightning. You trusted Vash, and you wanted him to believe it. You weren't going to treat him like all of the other people who had betrayed him in the past.

"Hey," you returned his loving look, "you better eat. It's gonna be a long day tomorrow."

"I'm… not really hungry…" he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, a liar's chuckle coming from him.

"Vash… you need to eat." You chastised, but your voice gently said, "Please?"

"I'm fine, Mayfly. I don't need anything to eat." He leaned in for a kiss, and you grabbed the sandwich on his plate, and held one end in your mouth.

"No kisses until you eat." Your voice came muffled behind the bread. Vash pouted. You had the attention of the rest of the group now, but you and Vash ignored them. Vash's eyes were locked with yours, showing how serious you were about this. He sighed, and took a bite of the opposite end of the sandwich. Chewing, swallowing. Another bite, repeat. Soon, the only part left was the part you held in your teeth, which you ate. You smiled, caressing his cheek.

"Thank you, Dearest. You did such a good job." You leaned in, giving him a kiss. He gave a shy smile and blushed at the praise.

"Th-Thanks, Mayfly… I guess I was hungry after all."

"Your stomach was the one ratting you out. They could probably hear it in space." You smiled, cuddling up to him.

--

Later that night, the two of you lie cuddled up in your sleeping bag.

"Hey, Mayfly?" Vash whispered, "Thanks again for earlier."

"Anytime, Dearest. You need to eat just like the rest of us. There's nothing wrong with that. You deserve to eat."

"I-I know, it's just, I don't have to-"

"I don't care if you technically don't have to. Plant genetics be damned, you will eat, Vash Saverem. You will keep your stomach content at minimum with food as often as possible. You have to listen to your body." She chastised.

"Oh, shit, using my last name? I'm really in trouble now." Vash giggled quietly. He loved hearing his last name, honestly, even if you didn't use it often.

"Damn right, Dearest. I mean business." You nodded with determination, your face softening and giving him a gentle kiss, "and now it's time to rest. I'll be right here to chase those icky nightmares away, okay?" You pet his hair, and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Okay, Mayfly… I'm counting on you…" he snuggled into your chest, and you gently pet his hair until you could tell he was asleep. You soon fell asleep as well, knowing Vash would sleep soundly despite today's events.

[strawurberries]

Hello Berry! I just wanted to slide a request your way cause I'm not gonna lie the fanfic you wrote with vash where the reader has stretchmarks almost had me in tears cause I'm so self-conscious about mine and it just made me so happy to read it.

So, I was wondering if I could have a fanfic with that same premise with nai? 🥺

I want all the plant boys!

🍰Anon (if it's okay to be called that)

Stretch Marks (Knives Version)

Summary: Knives find himself enamored with a little human quirk he was previously in the dark about.

Authors Note: Hello!! I'm so glad my writing was able to help you! That's really all I've wanted from my writing, to have people read it and feel better about themselves and/or just enjoy it in any way! I hope you enjoy this one just as much as my Vash one! (Also, you're totally welcome to be the 🍰 Anon) And, once again, here's your tag @blackkiwi :) hope you all love it !

Warnings: Mild nudity, sexual themes, self-hate

His fascination with the human boggled everyone, even his great mind was submerged deep in confusion; so much, in fact, that at first he was completely convinced they were an independent like him. There was no possible way a human could garner his attention (and later on, his affection) so, therefore, the only logical solution to this little puzzle was that she was, in fact, not human. Every moment—well, every moment he wasn’t brooding over the melancholic mood he had decided to live within—was spent thinking about her. She’s strange, kind, and unbearably interesting. It took a month or so for him to finally come to the conclusion—and accept said conclusion—that she was human, nothing more nothing less. Of course that realization was detrimental in so many different ways it would take a hundred years to write about the emotional turmoil and confliction he felt; but, on days like this, he supposed his feelings weren’t all that bad.

“Are you going to drink it?” She sipped on her tea and pointed at the steaming cup (it was ceramic and a painfully awkward blue that clashed with the entirety of her kitchen, but she said she bought it because “it reminded me of you”. Despite his protests, and the want for a different, less ugly cup, she had assigned him to the blue cup; and only the blue cup).

He looked at the murky liquid, “no.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want it.”

“So you just came all this way to stare at me?”

He huffed and took the cup, looking around at the quaint little house he had somehow found himself in. “I was in town. That’s all.” He really shouldn’t be here, more pressing matters nipping at the base of his heels, clawing at his back like starved, abused dogs. The world was begging him to leave, to complete his mission and his faith, but for the first time in a long time, he ignored it.

He took a small sip. 

She smiled, “Oh yeah, right. Just in town, decided to stop by. That’s the story you’re going with?”

“Because it’s the truth.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Nai.”

He didn’t know if he was annoyed she had the audacity to use a nickname, or excited at the prospect that she loved him enough to do so. “You’re the only one who’s ever said such a thing to me.”

“That’s because everyone else is too scared. You know, you’re a little bit intimidating.”

He couldn’t stop the indignant noise that left his throat, “a little?”

She set her cup down and pinched two fingers together, “just a tad.”

“A tad,” he deadpanned. 

“Sorry,” she grinned, “a smidge.”

He took another sip of his drink and ignored her. Bastardly human, he cursed in his head. If it had been anyone else, especially a human, that dared to tease him like that, they’d be dead before they knew it; sliced and diced into neat little squares, perfect enough for a tea party snack. Not that he ever had tea parties, or ate people, but the mental image alone was enough to ward off the majority of pests.

She grabbed her cup and walked over to the sink, rinsing it off before putting it away. She yawned and raised her arms, “it’s only seven o’clock but I feel exhausted.”

Nai looked up at her, swirling the cup in his hands idly. The tea wasn’t the best, nor was it something particularly homey or nostalgic enough to make him drink more, but she had poured her time and heart into creating this so, he supposed, drinking it was the least he could do. He took another sip before his eyes settled on her again, most of her body covered by the cup from his perspective.

She groaned, “I have to go to the market today. I’m running low on. . . well, everything. Or, oh no. It’s too late for that I guess. Tomorrow would be a good enough day to go.”

He finished the drink and set the cup to the set (still mildly upset at how ugly it was—the colors really clashed with the rest of the house. If it was his choice, he would’ve gotten rid of the mug ages ago and replaced it with something that matched his taste, or, at the very least, matched the aesthetic of the house). “You do tend to procrastinate.”

“Oh shut up,” she rolled her shoulders back, her shirt riding up ever so slightly. “Give me your cup.” She beckoned him with a wave of her hand.

He wordlessly handed it to her. 

She washed it, dried it with an old rag, and slid it in the cupboard next to her favorite mug. “Next time you get to do the dishes.”

He opened his mouth to respond, an insult whipping on the tip of his tongue, but he caught the sight of her bare skin. It looked softer than he had imagined, smooth and—he tilted his head, mind momentarily reeling at what he saw. Little markings, he blinked, like me. He didn’t know how or why, but his chest constricted and the only thing he could feel was the intense blazing emotion of curiosity and. . . something he couldn’t identify.

She has markings.

Like me?

Like me.

He stepped forward and grabbed the hem of her shirt, yanking it up to her chest. The fabric gave way easily enough, revealing what had interested him so. Swirls and lines decorated her belly, wrapping into each other like the galaxies he had seen oh so long ago. The only thing he could think of was how absolutely divine it looked. His view though, his beautifully artistic view, was interrupted with a shove and a loud gasp. 

“Wha–what was that?!” she grabbed her shirt and pulled it down, the fabric taunt in her grip, “usually you ask before you go taking people’s shirts off!”

He was focused on her now covered stomach, mind short-circuiting. “Show me again.” The sight was burned into the forefront of his mind, heart giddy with the possibilities. Maybe she was a plant, an independent. Or even, partially so—he’d take that, he’d take anything as long as she wasn’t human. . . would he? Suddenly his excitement turned into a mix of anticipation and anxiety. The thought of rejecting her for being something different from him, it made him sick for a moment. He may be a God, something divinity has blessed, but he was undoubtedly seduced by mortal wiles. Though, and he shoved this thought to the back of his mind, I don’t really mind. 

She shook her head, “no–wait, what am I even showing?”

“Those patterns,” he raised his head up, watching her intently, “I want to see them again.”

“Patterns?” she thought for a moment, before a strike of realization hit her face, “my stretch marks?” Her grip loosened every so slightly, before quickly regaining her previous strength.

“Whatever they are,” he raised his hand before pausing and bringing it back. I ask before I take her shirt off. “They’re like mine.” To drive his point home—and, really, looking back he doesn’t know why he gave her the courtesy of understanding his intentions, or his needs, but in the moment it felt right—he let his markings quickly show on the surface of his skin, a low bleeding blue edging out into the country house. 

She blinked and whispered, a child-like awe on her face. “can–can I touch them?”

She had known he was a plant since the day they met. He, stealing a dependent from a town, and her watching him with mild confusion and amazement. But she hadn’t seen this side of him—the destruction, hate, and blood, yes. But the somber blue and quiet hums of his soul? No. He hadn’t shown anyone that in a long, long time.

“I suppose,” he looked down at her, “as long as I can touch yours.” The deal was fair enough, he tried to argue in his mind, shoving away the anxieties and sickness at the thought of being touched. It’s all in the pursuit of his curiosity.

She puffed out her cheeks, hesitation clear in her eyes, “fine, but you can’t say anything mean about them okay?”

“Why would I be mean?”

“You’re always mean.” 

She reached out and touched his face gently, as if she was afraid he would disappear into the sand dunes that surrounded her home. She traced one line from the right side of his jaw to his nose, before trailing her fingers to his exposed neck. “You’re so pretty,” she mumbled. The skin under her became heated, flushed.

Whether it was a conscious decision or not, he leaned into her touch, the soft feeling of her fingers making his heart stutter. Several markings glowed brighter before he was able to shut them down, pushing his excitement—or, no, he wasn’t excited; he was disgusted that a human was touching him, that’s what it was (oh, what a terrible liar he is). Despite his momentary panic, he let her explore his face and neck, hoping the blue of his markings drowned out the red of his embarrassment. He didn’t have a real reason for why he was letting her do this to him, he should’ve stopped her a while ago, but it felt. . . nice. This was something he had’t experiences in years, a feeling so foreign he had nearly forgotten it. 

She pulled back, not missing the way he subtly leaned forward to feel her for a moment longer. “Why do you even want to see my stretch marks?” she whispered, fingers itching to touch him again. 

“Because they’re like mine,” he matched her tone, towering over her with no malice or hate, but silent admiration. The thought of her—her touch, her looks, her voice, by God, all of her, it entrapped him in a spell of nothing sort of Love. That's what it was, this feeling. Love. He could feel the anxiety in the back of his throat, the crumbling of his beliefs and ideologies, but those were problems for another day, right now? He was busy falling deeper into this sweet little hole he had dug. 

“No they’re not,” she laughed slightly, sadly, “yours are way cooler.”

He tugged at the hem of her shirt, this time asking, “can I?”

She sighed and let her head fall into his chest, “a promise is a promise.”

He resisted the urge to tell her that she needn’t keep her word if it caused her pain, that he would rather she feel happy than obligated. He didn’t though, the well of his curiosity ever growing. “You’re human,” he mumbled, less than gently tugging the shirt off her, “and yet your markings are so similar. . . so beautiful?”

“They’re not markings, well, not in the way you’re thinking of.”

The low light of the setting sun barely reached the windows, slowly plunging them into darkness. Without thinking he grabbed her hips and hoisted her up, momentarily enjoying the sounds of surprise she made as he put her down on the counter. His hands resumed his search, trailing the pads of his fingers across her belly in a loving motion that he had never known he was capable of. “What are they then?”

“Stretch marks.”

He huffed, “explain.”

“They’re like little scars that appear when our skin stretches too fast. I think it can happen when our skin shrinks too? I don’t really know the specifics. I just know they’re annoying and ugly.”

He paused, bringings his hands up to grip her chin, “what?’

She blinked at him owlishly, “what. . .?”

“Are you calling me ugly?”

“Wha–” she let out a laugh, “when did I say that?!”

He ignored the happiness that stabbed his heart when she laughed. “I said our markings are the same, if you say yours are ugly, you are calling mine that as well.”

She thought for a moment, “I guess that makes sense, but you’re forgetting one thing.” She raised a finger and tilted her head, a little grin on her face—the expression did nothing to hide her fear and anxiety.

“What may that be?” he said with a hint of amusement, fingers still holding her jaw.

“You are handsome, I am not. So the markings look different between us. I’m not calling you ugly, don’t worry. You’re actually quite attractive.”

He frowned and leaned forward, forcing her to place her hands behind her on the counter in order not to fall. “You’re right. You’re not handsome.”

She rolled her eyes, “so romantic.”

“You’re stunning,” he savored the squeak of embarrassment that left her mouth, a knowing smirk on his face. I want to hear more, he thought as he trailed down to her stomach, kissing each mark on her belly, “beautiful,” he muttered. “Your loveliness cannot be described.” He reached the band of her pants, hooking a finger around it before he remembered his manners. “Can I?” He looked up at her, grin still present and eyes twinkling with something she couldn’t describe. 

“Y–yeah,” she whispered. 

He didn’t go any further, tilting his head with a waiting expression. 

“What?” she tried to hold his eye contact but it became too intense, and she looked away, chest starting to rise and fall rapidly. What have I gotten myself into?

“Look at me,” he commanded, pleased when she obeyed without a second to spare. He should talk to her like that more often, maybe indulge in her flesh if she listened so deliciously like that. “I heeded your words, didn’t I? You said I have to ask before I do things like this, yes?”

She nodded.

“Say you’re proud then.”

“I’m proud,” she stumbled out, all hints of her teasing nature drowned out by her bewilderment (and pure, unrestrained excitement).

He pulled back, trapping her in between his arms, “that’s boring,” he muttered, “come up with some creative praise. I’ve been so nice to you, haven’t I? Isn’t it only fair?” He whispered in her ear, laughing at the shiver that racked her body. With a hum he trailed back down her body, saving his softer affections for her stomach, her marks.

He reached her pants again in no time, looking at her expectedly.

“You’re beautiful,” she blurted out. 

“Not good enough.”

“Divine,” she uttered. 

“Think, Darling, or else I’m going to stop right here.” He played with the edge of her pants, thumbing the material as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. God, how he loved to play with her.

“Y-you’re,” she tossed her head back and groaned, mind flying as she tried to think of a compliment. After a moment she wrapped her legs around him, making him give her a questioning hum, and grabbed his face. “You’re my God,” she whispered, “mine alone. You’re wonderful and strong, a holy being that I am blessed to have around me.” 

He could’ve sworn he died at that moment—and if he had, he would’ve gone happily.

She buried her face in his neck, practically whining with embarrassment. “I can’t believe you made me say that.”

He wrapped an arm around her, pressing her into the counter, collecting himself before he spoke, “that was good. I knew you’d learn eventually.” With a deep, burning red, he hid his face in her stomach, going back to tracing her stretch marks. Faint blue markings glided up his neck, curling around the flesh of his face—he didn’t bother to stop it this time. With a single motion he helped her rid herself of her pants, letting out a deep sigh when he saw the rest of her markings. 

“You didn’t say you had more.”

“Well,” she finally gained her confidence back, letting out a huff, “you never asked.”

He, with the same awe and amazement as earlier, observed her thighs as if he was a starved man, denied of any mortal pleasures (though, he supposed he had never done anything like this before). “I want to see all of them,” he tugged at her underwear, “they’re too beautiful to hide.” If it was up to him, he'd have her naked in his presence all the time, solely for observing how heavenly she looked.

She grabbed his hand and snapped it away, “you didn’t ask that time.” 

He tilted his head and smiled wickedly, “I guess I didn’t hmm? Where are my manners? Here, can I see all of you? Bare and unobstructed?”

She gripped his hands and turned her head away, “you’re a bastard.”

“That’s not a compliment,” he whispered.

“You’re my bastard.”

He laughed, a sound she cherished deeply, “that doesn’t count.”

[revenantghost]

(I can hear that Wolfwood says that he's just an undertaker in Japanese, but the point still stands)

I do love how, despite everything, Wolfwood never really tries to hide himself and who he is from the others (especially Vash, which is especially true in Trimax). He'll sure as hell omit, redirect, and tell things that are truths to him but aren't truths to all. But he does his damnedest not to lie. Whether or not that's because he's just a terrible liar, or his entire life has been a lie and he's sick of it, who knows

[annaofaza]

an interlude

With Roberto and Meryl away with Luida and Brad ducking out to make some quick tweaks to Vash’s arm, they’re alone at last.

Still stripped of his coat, Vash looks up at Nicholas from the bed. His lips part.

It takes all of Nicholas’s strength not to come forward, to take Vash into his arms. It’ll only make it harder, he tells himself, but finds himself extending a hand, hovering inches from Vash’s shoulder.

“At last, you woke up,” he begins, “You had us worried sick, and--”

"No,” Vash interrupts, “let me tell you what I should have told you long ago.”

And he tells Nicholas everything: the ship, the sabotage, the crossroads, the running -- always running, with no hope of escape. Parts of it Nicholas vaguely knows from whispers and Eye of Michael doctrine, but Vash fills in the gaps, barely speaking above a whisper, yet every word clear and distinct, determined to pour everything at Nicholas’s feet.

And Nicholas knows he isn’t worth that, to be witness to such naked pain, the guilt as fresh as it was over a century ago. It makes Nicholas’s hands shake as he takes out his cigarette, blindly stubbing it out on his thigh.

“Tongari...”  he breathes.

Vash’s eyes are shimmering as he slowly lifts the sunglasses off the bridge of his nose. With that, Nicholas can see the tiny, interconnecting strands of silver dancing in the ice-blue irises. “So you see,” Vash concludes softly, “what I am.” He juts out his chin, jaw stiffening, as if anticipating a rain of blows. “You’ve heard my confession.”

“I’m not a priest” is all Nicholas can say.

“And I don’t ask for absolution,” Vash retorts. “I know I don’t deserve it.”

But that’s so untrue, a lie, deeper than his own. Words tangle within him. Vash is a good man; Vash bearing this weight as if it’s all on him is not fair; Million Knives does not deserve Vash’s love, but neither does he.

“Tongari,” Nicholas repeats helplessly.

His hand trembles as it lands slowly, gently, on Vash’s cheek. Vash’s eyes slip shut, wetness hitting Nicholas’s fingers, as Nicholas cradles his cheek in his hand, soft and bloodless. The medicine always does its job, too well. Enough to fool even himself.

“Tongari,” Nicholas echoes, and leans forward.

His lips meet Vash’s, dry as the desert and as cold as its night. They taste of salt, and when Vash presses in, towards him as a flower turns to the sun, he feels a rush of quicksilver shoot down his spine.

Nicholas’s other hand rises to cup the back of Vash’s head, stubble prickly against his palm. If he were a real priest, he would swallow Vash’s guilt whole, suck him clean, but he is not, only a liar, so instead he deepens the kiss, aware that this is as much as he’s qualified to give, and even then, he’s greedy, tasting Vash, inhaling him, memorizing his scent, cutting and pasting him into the recesses of his mind. This is nothing like leaning against his shoulder in the back of the truck, nothing like pressing against his back during a fight; it’s--it’s--

If the Eye of Michael was Hell, this is its opposite.

Vash’s hand grips Nicholas’s hair, pulling him closer, and Nicholas finds himself lurching towards the bed, sprawling into his lap, legs settling on either side of Vash’s hips. He pulls Vash’s bottom lip between his teeth, shuddering; every nerve is alight, head buzzing, all sensation and no thought as images bloom unbidden, of more days like this, stretched underneath the sky, sun-warmed sand against his back, fisting his hand in the folds of Vash’s red coat and running, running, running into the horizon and no-no-no--

When Vash pulls away, Nicholas realizes he’s said it out loud.

“I’m sorry,” Vash says, cheeks flushed, lips reddened, eyes still aglow.

“Don’t be,” Nicholas says. He realizes their fingers have entwined, like ivy. “I wish...” I wish it could be like this. I wish it always was. I wish...

He hears the door sliding open, and he springs back, as if through distance he can erase what he had done. It can never be, he thinks, as Brad enters the room with a tablet. We can never run far enough.

[eomma-jpeg]

In The Meadow - Music Analysis

i said i was gonna post bc i love music analysis and i love my beloved characters, so if you too have an obsession, then this is for you.

The Playlist

I think I may just go down the line

The Meadow - Nickel Creek

This song was one that i just happened to be listening to when I started writing ‘in the meadow’ but i liked it and the kind of… building and dynamic of the relationship in the song that I decided to use the song as inspiration and where i get all the chapter titles lol

Ultimately the relationship in the song doesn’t go anywhere, but the narrator still hears that person they decided to fall in love with, and they use the echo of a voice in the meadow as their reminder and it just,,,, i liked it so much and i still listen to it multiple times a day lol

You and Me - Lifehouse

So this song is specifically on here because of this comic by faestorian

It just…. Yeah, there’s not much to say except its from Knives perspective… and I love him and how easily distracted he is by her.

Not Strong Enough - boygenius

This song,,, just has Knives written all over it. Specifically these lines

I don't know why I am

The way I am

Not strong enough to be your man

I tried, I can't

Stop staring at the ceiling fan and

Spinning out about things that haven't happened

Breathing in and out

I just think it shows Knives’ overthinking and eventual kind of decision that he thinks he’s not enough for her or could never be worthy of the kind of benevolence she gives him, and so he’s trapped in his own mind about stuff

The line ‘i don’t know why i am the way I am’ is repeated throughout the song and… i just felt like knives is always asking himself why he is this way even though he knows but at the same time he doesn’t know why he and vash reacted so differently to the same trauma and its just so frustrating for him.

Also the line ‘Always an angel, never a God’.... thats a good line, especially in the knives context

Liar - Paramore

So liar was on here initially as a millyons song, but has since undergone a vashmeryl transformation, so the song applies to the both of them

Its just a song about how you tried to hide things about yourself from the person you love to keep them safe, but ultimately you realize that the person who you wanted to keep safe was the one doing the protecting, and you don’t know why you ever needed to lie to them

I love this in a millyons context bc i think Knives at first tried to hide himself from Milly, and then ultimately realized ‘why am i doing that? She’s only trying to help me’ 

It takes a lot for the boy to accept help

In a vashmeryl context, its the both of them… but mostly vash

They just cant figure out why they tried to hide from one another, when its obvious they care so deeply

This second verse is so good for vashmeryl

I got too good at fighting chemicals

And dodging arrows I was asking for

Wading through the fog and then it disappeared

Naked when I'm here

And why should I deny what's all

At once, so crystal clear

And i just really like paramore a lot

The Bomb - Florence + the Machine

This song,,,, geez

I initially liked this song for knives and milly, but it works so much better as a song from meryl’s perspective about vash. 

It just is told from the pov of a person who has fallen for someone who never does any good for themselves, always getting hurt or hurting others in the process. The line 'unavailability is the only thing that turns you on’ is so raw and very good for meryl as a person who just thinks that vash lives in this constant of ‘i want so many things i can never have’ and thinks he can never have them

And yet meryl is always there to try and give him anything

And then the second half of the song it switches, the narrator is now explaining that that is what they have fallen for, the destruction and unavailability and the chaos

They just love to convince themselves that they love each other for the worst reasons.

Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers

So savior complex was added to accompany the idea that Milly herself has one, and this song is just one of my all time favorites and I needed it to be included

The relationship in the song is kind of implied to go poorly (as most one sided savior complex relationships do) but i love the lyrics to the build up

Crocodile tears, run the tap 'til it's clear

Drift off on the floor

I drag you to the shore

Sweating through the sheets

You're gonna drown in your sleep, for sure

I think,,, these lyrics relate quite well to how milly felt in the beginning of ‘in the meadow’, just desperate to help and seeing his own desperation for something different, a change, and Milly decides she going to do whatever it takes to help him through it

Crave - Paramore

I just love paramore. I’d put their entire new album on this playlist if i could

This song is uhhh from Knives’ perspective and his just desire to remember everything about Milly. Every moment of every day is just, he craves it. He wants to be near her even if he doesn’t quite understand why.

The song also delves into like, unhealthy practices and how you still crave those terrible times because of the familiarity,,,,,, and if that isn’t knives i don’t know what is

‘I romanticize even the worst of times’

(You) On My Arm - Leith Ross

This song is just a silly “I would do anything for you” song from Knives’ perspective.

It just talks about the most mundane things and being in love and im just a sap for knives becoming a sap for milly.

Apple Pie - Lizzy McAlpine

This song AHHHH for vashmeryl !!!!!! THE ONE SHOT T-T

It just is about a person who is your home away from home and how no place could be complete without this person and despite moving around and finding new adventures and new beginnings, you wouldn’t be able to do it without that one person

I think that vash is like that about meryl

The story is told from the perspective of a person who is constantly moving and changing, but they need that one consistent of the person they love, and vash is very much that way for me about meryl; he needs to return to her, or at least keep her nearby

Some day we can be in the same city

Some day we'll be grown and I'll be fine with packing up

Cardboard boxes filled and sad farewells

And I'll be fine we'll pack a bag

As long as I don't say goodbye to you as well

I think, eventually vash realizes that home is not a place, because he’s never really had a home except for the seeds ship, and meryl becomes that comfort for him

It’s Alright - Mother Mother

This song… is a doozy

So the main voice of the song is someone overcome with guilt, just unable to kind of forgive themselves for whatever mistakes they’ve made, which I really liked for knives, but the most important part is the second chorus !!!!!

The first chorus is from a first person perspective of the song’s author, but the second chorus is from an outside perspective !!! And I like to think of it as milly comforting knives during moments when he doubts he can be a good person

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay

You're not a monster, just a human

And you made a few mistakes

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay

You're not gruesome, just human

And you made a few mistakes

Please just,,, listen to the song and tell me the verses don’t just SCREAM knives

Eraser - Ricky Montgomery

So this song i haven’t had a lot of time to dissect this one, but i think its just kind of a perspective of milly trying to comfort knives despite his flaws and feelings of guilt. The first verse is just the narrator figuring out whats going on, and then it moves into the chorus which provides kind of a solution, stating that the “eraser” doesn’t have to ruin their life over something so small.

I just like the comforting aspect. The voice of the song is convincing their target that everything is okay, and even when its not they can work it out together, avoid anyone else and just breathe

Hate to See Your Heart Break - Paramore 

Soooo this song is just chapter 23,,,,, and the both of them (mostly milly) just aching inside because she can see his heart breaking over and over again and it kills her inside, so milly just provides solace and comfort in the fact that thats what being a human is. Sometimes it hurts so much, but she’s there to remind him that there is light and she wants to be that light T-T

For all the air that's in your lungs

For all the joy that is to come

For all the things that you're alive to feel

Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal

My heart hurts anytime i listen to this song cuz i can just see like,,, milly comforting knives in any given scenario, desperate to convince him of the good and hating the pain in his expression

A New Kind of Love - Frou Frou

I really like this song for Vashmeryl because its kind of a dance of the mundane, as well as finding the love within

Because the first verse of the song kind of dabbles in the way the love becomes a branded thing, just something you buy or is fleeting, but the voice of the song and whoever they are addressing find a love despite this new kind of love

I just like vash and meryl finding each other in that classic kind of love, and just eventually realize theyve both fallen hard for one another

I also like the verse that talks about how busy each person has become, and the kind of mundane act of disregarding the person you love because you’re afraid of the outcome…. Yeah

Agoraphobia - Autoheart

Yeah this song was put on there specifically for knives and his innate desire never to leave the house again,,, just kind of lock himself away from the scary aspects of the world and life.

Slow Dancing - Aly & Aj

I love this as a vashmeryl song, specifically them getting to know each other after years of knowing each other,,, y’know?

Just the heartfelt act of having been around one another and having fallen deeply in love, but now they have to relearn how to interact, how to behave when someone isn’t hunting you down or chasing you from town to town. 

And they both realize it doesn’t need to be fancy or extraordinary,,, it just needs to be real.

Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

Okay, this song is on everyone’s ship playlist, and it often ends up paired with vashwood, but I liked it as a song from Knives’ perspective for milly

Especially the chorus

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

Knives ultimately doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, they don’t have any say in what he does or doesn’t do, but he does care about milly and what she thinks and how she’ll react, and he knows he can always turn to her for comfort, because thats what milly is… pure comfort. 

And for the first time in his long life, he wants someone other than Vash to know everything about him

Make You Feel My Love - Adele

Milly and Meryl energy in this one !!!!

Initially i had it as a milly song, where she kind of wants knives to know that no matter what she’s going to be there for him to comfort and offer support whenever

But i do like the idea of Meryl being like,,,, im going to make you understand that i love you no matter the circumstances, rain or shine i will be there and you will accept it because I love you, you DUNCE

Never Ending Summer - Wes Reeve

Uhh i added this song mostly for vibes and because I liked the idea of Milly saying ‘kiss me hard, touch me soft on the weekends’

:D 

It’s just a lovely song about like,, love blindness and i think that milly and knives will suffer from that for a bit

Graceland Too - Phoebe Bridgers

So i added this song purely for the line ‘Whatever you want me to do, I will do’, and then the repetition of ‘whatever she wants’ because i like the idea of this song being from Knives’ perspective as he watches milly kind of… unravel ? in moments when she’s working too hard or needs a break from the world, he wants to be there for her. 

I just love the idea of unfailing love… and uhhh we won’t read to far into that.

[mrsstampede]

Liar by paramore screams vashmeryl to me.

Vash hiding behind the goofy persona, running away from meryl to keep her safe. Meryl coming to see through it and knowing the truth. Vash realizing he doesn't have to lie or run from her.

What was the moment? It's hard to say I'm sure I don't remember anyway Before I only knew to hesitate Pin back in the grenade And all the ways I'd keep you safe I keep you safe from me

And, oh my love, I lied to you But I never needed to Oh my love, I lied to you But you always knew the truth

[unbrcakablc-hcart]

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying? | 🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast? | 🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving? | 🌈 RAINBOW - what advice would they give to their younger self?

{{ if its okay to send a handful! its a big list and im big curious nfjfg if not ill cut down/break it into separate asks, i dont mind! (bitterbelphie) }}

{NO THATS FINE DONT WORRY!!}

oc emoji asks

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

{Oh god no. I really don't think Vash is a good liar. I think he's very good at omitting information and dodging the question and being annoying enough that no one WANTS to ask him questions, but he's piss poor at actually, directly lying. He gets a little twitchy, his voice gets a lot less confident, he seems to think a LOT more about what he's saying and isn't always good at making the details line up.}

{For example: he tells people frequently that he's 24, but if you purposely try to catch him in the lie by going oh, you're 25, aren't you, he's going to be like OH YEAH I AM AHAHAHA and forget his initial lie and not have a good excuse for messing up like that.}

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast?

{Hmm.. I'm not sure what my hunch is on this one. I want to say it isn't anything SUPER specific? But his preferred comfort breakfast is a sweet one; fresh donuts, pancakes, french toast that are still warm with probably (SIGNIFICANTLY SWEETENED) coffee or hot chocolate or some other warm, sweet drink. The man has a sweet tooth he doesn't indulge very often for... mostly, guilt and/or lack of accessibility reasons.}

{Some kind of meat or other protein to go with it is nice, but not necessary for him. It's mostly to keep him from getting sick. Man loves a good sausage. Or good eggs. Or. Anything. feed him seymour}

🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

{I'M GENUINELY NOT SURE AND I'M NOT SURE VASH WOULD KNOW EITHER. He's not used to being given gifts; most every gift he's been given has been from his menagerie of parents, and he tries his best to tactfully decline gifts from other people because they should be spending their money on themselves or each other, not on him.}

{But he is the sentimental type, and likes gifts that last. He's looked after the clothes Brad and Luida made specially for him and ensured that they lasted the 125 years he's had them, for instance, and when they gave him geranium plants to keep on the bus to remind him of both them and Rem, you bet your ass he's doing everything he can to keep those flowers alive. So clothes and jewelry and things that are meant to last for a while mean a lot to him, as it's a way he can carry the people he cares about with him.}

{Gifts of food are also nice but good luck getting him to accept that.}

{I'm also not sure if he's the best at giving gifts, himself. It's not that he's BAD at it? It's that he hasn't had a lot of practice with it, and is more of an acts of service bitch when it comes down to it. Chances are, if he gives you a gift, it's probably going to be something practical, or something he can do for you; he'll buy his loved ones a weapon, or protective clothing, or do some maintenance on your stuff, that sort of thing.}

{That said, he DOES keep an eye out for any signs of interest from his friends. If he catches anything, he'll file that away for later, and if he has the cash, he WILL pick it up.}

🌈 RAINBOW - what advice would they give to their younger self?

{I have. Genuinely. NO idea. And I'm not sure Vash has any clue either. Ultimately Vash feels like he's done around the best he could do given the circumstances and isn't satisfied with it, so it might be some fucked up shit like:

"Never stay in town for any longer than two days."

"Once you've picked up supplies and helped people, LEAVE."

"Never give anyone real information about yourself."

{Probably the least fucked up advice he has for himself is this. "This planet will force you to become the devil. Sometimes there are people that DO deserve to die, and it might do more people more good to kill the people that you're pretty sure won't stop hurting people even after you've given them the chance to change."}

{Nothing about take care of yourself, nothing about how he needs to treat himself better, just... That Shit.}

[typhoonvash]

"You'd want to?" Vash's voice cracks high as he, perhaps too eagerly, responds to Wolfwood's willingness to be with him again sometime, "I—I mean, I would love that. A lot. Would love you—I mean—being with you—ahem—"

Wolfwood had said he would, but there was something off, something uncomfortable about the way he reacted. Vash figures that he must've said something that made the priest uncomfortable—maybe he didn't want to talk about this ever? He's not a liar (well, wouldn't lie about this), so... surely he does want to...

Why does he look hurt?

"Hey—"

Wincing, Vash painfully flexes his wrist and places his hand on his companion's side, thumbing where his wound was. He may not have his full range of movement yet, but he can feel the smooth warmth of Wolfwood's sunbathed skin. To think just moments before he couldn't feel—and now he's spoiled with one of the best tactile experiences he's ever had...

"Are you okay...? I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable—um," he starts running through all of the things he mentioned—and it was a lot, now that he's thinking about it. Vash has never quite seen this expression on Wolfwood's face, and he doesn't know what it means. It's some kind of... disappointment? Maybe his recounting of the past century and a quarter of only-touch-when-you-need-to made him upset—sometimes he got upset about humanity mistreating him so maybe this is the same.

Yeah. It has to be that—what else could it be? They're both getting what they want out of this, right?

Vash quiets himself as he turns around for Wolfwood. He wants to lean against him, to be held—but that's not what they're in here for. They're in danger. Feelings don't matter when lives are at stake—well, they shouldn't, but...

Would it be so selfish to lean against him just a little bit too heavily? Is it bad to want those hands wrapped around him like they had the night before?

Yeah, it definitely is.

He exhales shakily, warm breath mingling with the steam around them, then leans into Wolfwood's hold. With the back of his head—wet spikes soaked into a slick blond flop of hair—he nuzzles against the priest's warm body.

I didn't want to get attached.

Ah.

Wolfwood is not in a frame of mind or a physical state to conceal the flicker of something across his face. Vash's words tumble like the rain of shower water over their heads, echoing close with the way they have leaned up against the tile wall, and he hears them, though perhaps the signal is muddled.

It's there in the implication. It's there in his own reaction, in the flicker of tension in his jaw and in the way his eyes fall to where his hands move, broad and warm on wet skin, carefully and indirectly buffing the grime of sweat and blood and ash away. It's there. Pindrop, back of mind, through his heart, sinking to his stomach—and what did he expect, really?

They were so honest with each other. Forthright in their exchange. Did he really expect for it to last, given what he is, given what he has done? Given how different they are, diametrically opposed in so many ways that it is easy to miss how they slip into lock-step. Attachments are a weakness, they are a liability, and for someone as long-lived as Vash they only promise untenable pain. Perhaps it is better if it is a matter of physicality alone, but damn it, he is already in so deep he can barely take a breath.

What sounds like earnest and awkward praise is…

In amid a stroke of ego, it has to be a gentle cutting-loose. Right?

It aches. He doesn't want it to ache. The grip of Vash's prosthetic on him is grounding, better, present, physical.

Nicholas squeezes his eyes closed for a beat, letting the burn of water on his lashes pass. Must be it. When he reopens them he focuses on a spot somewhere below the point of Vash's ribs. The suture line is stark, angry in comparison to clean, fair skin, to the color and texture of long-healed scars. It isn't the first mark he has left on Vash the Stampede, really, and perhaps it will not be the last.

"If I asked, huh?" Aiming for wry, he cuts a slender slant of a grin, paying attention to where his fingers move versus the magnetic blue so brilliant against the shower-warmed blush. "Yeah, it'd been a while for me too."

Not lifetimes. God. How can he even compare?

"I'm game. Ain't all about what I want, though, Spikey. If you don't, that's alright."

It will have to be.

Still brow to brow, he looks back up, meets eye contact, and then slides his hand up and along to rinse Vash's back starting at the top of his shoulder.

"What's happenin' out there's damn stupid. But you're right. Oughtta let me get the rest of you if you can turn 'round."

[knaivcs]

He doesn't stop. Will not, can not.

"You've always been stubborn, but this is... This is the very definition of madness. How many more wounds will you suffer? For them? Little more than animals ripping and tearing at each other over scraps? You keep letting them do THIS-" he seizes Vash's shirt and pulls at the loose collar, exposing scar tissue layered over scar tissue. Gouges, bullet wounds, lacerations, even savage claw marks. Pockets of nothing where flesh should be.

It hurts to see them. It pains his very being so much, he could cry right then and there.

Again and again, Vash continues to reject him. His twin. His other half. The only one who truly understands and wants nothing but the best for him.

Again he lashes out, tries to catch Knives in some twisted fabrication of the truth. Yet the elder of the pair is not the one who has to lie- to his sibling, to himself.

What reason, for what purpose? What do their kind gain by engaging in lies? It's all such a very... human approach to problem solving.

"You're right. It's never been about you. It's always been about us, together. Can't you see that? This was supposed to be OUR paradise, OUR home. This world was never meant to change or be changed for their comfort- They weren't even supposed to have survived at all! If it weren't for her..."

He knows that woman is a sore point, that Vash still feels she was a 'mother' to them. In the end, Rem was no better nor different than any other human: a coward and a fool.

A liar.

"I will stop you every single time.”

He leans into the firearm, until the barrel is placed over where his heart would be.

"Do you love them... more than you love me?"

It's a valid question.

@knaivcs

❛  nobody else will ever love you the way i do.  ❜

“Stop it, Knives.” 

What lies in the difference between the name he has chosen and the name that he was given? Once upon a time, one of those had been the person Vash remembered to be his brother. 

Vash crosses his arms tightly over his chest, and his finger curls so harshly around the trigger guard of his gun that he can feel the metal biting through the material of his glove and push up against bone through skin. It always, always came to a fight. Why? Without gunpowder and bullets, he has no other means to halt an otherwise unstoppable force. They have visited the same argument time and time again, spanning the natural lifespan of humanity two times over.

The word 'love' twists in his gut not because his brother uses it as a weapon, but because it’s the truth. Knives means every single word. Imperfect, an off-color perception of a topic so complicated that even ancient texts struggled over the many definitions into which the concept of love fits. 

Brotherly love. Well-intentioned concern for the wayward.

Brutal and unforgiving.

“Enough…” Vash rasps, and he can feel the syllables catching in his throat as it constricts. He knows his way, and he does not need his brother's guiding hand to find it.

Their definitions are so very different. Foolish, to hope that someday it might be the same. He is used to being a fool. 

“This has never been about me!” 

It’s about saving them. 

The ever-present desert sun glares at them from high above, forcing Vash to squint as he stares up at Knives. Outlined in a golden halo of light, his brother has, whether consciously or not, tried to physically place himself above reproach. 

Knives. 

Nai. 

His brother’s entourage lingers a respectful distance behind him. Followers that have never known ‘Nai.’ Unwanted shadows, people made monstrous, tailing after their master. Waiting.

Vash extends his arm, leveling his gun until Knives’s right shoulder is perfectly indexed behind his front sight. “It doesn’t matter why you’re doing it. I will stop you every single time.”