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starwurst · 4 months ago

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VARAWN: CORRESPONDENCE WITH MARS KAYNICH

The following are encrypted emails, meant to remain unsent, journaling all that Varawn wishes to say to his estranged fiancé. In an unexpected circumstance, all of the following emails were sent to Mars Kaynich.

I DO NOT EXPECT FORGIVENESS. (dated the night he left)

To: [email protected]

Skayn,

I will not blame you if you never speak to me again. We did not part... amicably. You did not come with me and that cannot be held against you. To leave would have been an immense risk and required you to abandon everything. It hurts and I am angry. About many things, at many people... angry with you, though you do not deserve it. At myself, most of all. I am afraid, too.

After all that we have done, Skayn, I cannot stand by the Empire any longer. We followed orders well and in doing so, took the lives of innocents and destroyed their homes. And yet I dare to desire a home for us. I dare to want a peaceful life. I do not deserve it. Loathe me all you will, call me a coward if you must. I will not deny it.

You did not see what I saw. There were children. Crying in the ruined streets for relatives crushed beneath the destruction we wrought. But the killing did not stop. It never stops. Some would demand my death as payment, say it would bring justice to the families I helped to destroy. That, I believe I would deserve. But I am a coward. I chose to run, despite having nowhere to go, and in doing so left behind the only person who truly cared for me.

I am sorry. Goodbye.

THE IRONY IS AGONIZING (dated one week after the crash)

To: [email protected]

Fate is a wretched creature. I crashed the ship I stole. And who is it that comes to the wreckage to aid me, to offer me sanctuary? A Jedi! I allowed him to take me back to the Temple. They are training the next generation here. I doubt they would allow me to remain if they knew what have I done.

I did not tell them. I have nowhere else to go. They seem to believe I am an unusual looking Pantoran. It had been a long night, I did not have the will to correct them. It is better if they believe that anyway.

It has been a been a week since I crashed here. They gave me time to recover but I am speaking to the one in charge tonight. Seeing the trainees... it reminds me of our time in the academy. It makes me wonder, if circumstances were different, what I could have become. If my family had not sought to suppress my connection to the Force or if the Empire provided a teacher to develop my power.

There are many things I regret, Skayn. Too many to count. Having met you will never be one of them.

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (dated one month after the crash)

To: [email protected]

I may have left the remnant but I cannot escape the Empire. I hear whispers of it, people discussing what the Empire has done. I hear the fear and the hatred lacing some of their voices. At the briefest mention of it, I feel sick. I hate the Empire for what it made us, for letting me believe we were in the right overall, despite some of our shortcomings, because we wished to protect society and maintain an orderly, peaceful world.

Then there is the guilt. I did those things. The Empire did not force me. I chose to follow my orders. And I loved the Empire for a time. It was my home, my family. How wretched am I to miss it, knowing what I do about the lives we destroyed in its name? I am both coward and traitor. A coward for not leaving sooner. Also a coward for not facing what I have done. And a traitor for abandoning my squadron – my family – no matter what the reason.

JEDI ARE NOT WHAT I ASSUMED. (dated two months after the crash)

To: [email protected]

It has been an interesting transition. I cannot stop seeing them as the enemy. Not fully. Not when they do not know who I once was. I am afraid of what will happen should they discover it.

But that said, the Jedi are simply people. Many species from many planets, living and training together. Just as anyone else, they get frustrated or sad. They can play jokes on one another, get excited, wish for things. They are not emotionless or cold.

This New Order of Jedi may even maintain meaningful relationships. I never wished to be a Jedi. I would still prefer to live somewhere quiet, at your side, and forget about fighting. But perhaps, perhaps I could come to accept this life.

YOU WOULD LIKE IT HERE (dated three months after the crash)

To: [email protected]

It is not so different from our squadron, the way people interact with one another. There is familiarity and warmth between them. You have always been good with people.

I hope the squadron is doing well. I hope you are doing well.

I AM STILL AFRAID (dated five months after the crash)

To: [email protected]

I never corrected those who called me a Pantoran. It feels as if I have waited too long now. It would be difficult to bring it up. There are others here who are ex-Imperials as well. And yet, despite seeing that those individuals are not shunned or banished, I still fear someone realizing. I fear that, somehow, I would be the exception. The one to be disposed of, tossed aside as trash and left to rot for the things I have done.

... Not to mention it makes bathing and getting changed bothersome. Thanks to that tattoo you had me get.

I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU (dated six months after the crash)

To: [email protected]

[This email has no text. Varawn left it at the subject line and then couldn’t think of anything more to say]

ON LIGHTSABERS (dated nine months after the crash)

To: [email protected]

I have been instructed to craft my own lightsaber. I am afraid to. Afraid to commit to this life as I am still lying to most of the people here. Afraid of what it will mean for me. I am afraid I do not deserve one. Allegedly, the color reflects something about you. I do not want to know what mine will say.

I HAVE A MISSION (dated eleven months after the crash)

To: [email protected]

A handful of us were chosen to guard someone important. That person selected us themselves. I am not a Jedi, not truly. And this person, I am confident they know the truth about me. So why select me? Why trust me? I have done nothing to deserve that faith, nothing to deserve this opportunity.

I do not want to go. If I leave this place, I may see you. And if I see you again... I have no idea what I might do.

FAR AWAY (the start of the campaign)

To: [email protected]

This planet is not one you would want to live on. It rains too often. But the cold air here reminds me of home somewhat. Csilla is cold. Korriban, too, is cold.

I AM CONCERNED (the start of the campaign)

To: [email protected]

The person we are protecting, who to my knowledge chose us all herself, stated that she is glad I was chosen for this. I am unsure what to think of that, but it is hardly the most significant problem we face.

There was someone here that we were not informed of and suspicious figures lingering. They attacked us later in the day, trying to abduct the individual in our care. They did not succeed.

Skayn, they were such an unusual species. Do you remember hearing rumors of Darth Vader having personal command over a very obscure warrior species from an unspecified planet? For some reason, I cannot shake the fear that these are related despite the captured assailant claiming to work for Saw Gerrera. I was under the impression Saw was dead.

Perhaps it is the lingering reminders of the Empire on this planet that has me on edge, perhaps I am thinking too much. I am worried about the woman we are protecting. She is a good person, truly. I am worried, too, that being surrounded by memories of the Empire like this will cause the mask to slip.

I cannot let them know. I have nowhere else to go should they cast me aside.

A MEMORIAL

To: [email protected]

We stopped on a different planet to take care of some things. One of the others I am traveling with is a former Imperial soldier himself and yet seems to be treated no differently than the others. But at the thought of speaking of the past, it feels as if my throat is sealing itself. It becomes hard to breathe.

And if I thought for a moment that I might be able to tell them before, after seeing the New Republic’s memorial... how could I? The list of names is staggering. It makes me feel sick to think of it, Skayn. How many of the names etched into that plaque are there because of us? Because of me? How many grieved for them?

A companion, he lost family. Their names are on the memorial. They died when Tatooine was bombed. I... I do not know if our attack on Tatooine was the only one. I hope it was not, if only so that I can cling to the hope that perhaps it was not me who stole his family from him. Tatooine. We destroyed a city of innocents because what, there may have been a few rebels among them? Because they were mostly force users and Moff Hilcox could not risk them turning their power on us?

If that was such a concern, the Empire should have killed me too.

On the bright side, we think we found out where the assassins came from.

SHIPS.

To: [email protected]

I have piloted several ships and smaller craft since I left the remnant. Each has pros and cons, of course, but I miss our starfighters. I remember hearing once that other Imperial pilots considered TIE Fighter pilots to be suicidal due because our starfighters were considered expendable. Perhaps it is true. I never considered it. All I know is there was never a more freeing, more thrilling feeling than flying a TIE Fighter into the vastness of space.

It was beautiful. And despite the dangers, despite how vulnerable the TIE fighters really are when flying out, I want to do it again.

Anyway, we are plotting to steal a ship. I am somewhat concerned that this will become a pattern. And I know, I know I should not be excited but... oh how I love to fly. It is one of the few things that still brings me happiness.

WE DID NOT DIE. YET.

To: [email protected]

We secured the ship and have left the planet. We did not lose anyone. I am... relieved. Part of the goal had been to free someone who owed a debt to the crime lord we stole from. He is dead, she is not. She and her family are now able to live a peaceful life, if they wish.

I will write more once we have had some time to breathe.

COMPANIONS

To: [email protected]

My companion... co-worker? I do not know if I am allowed to call them friends. But one of them, the Jawa, has realized I am Chiss and not Pantoran. It is somewhat of a relief, to tell you the truth. That there is someone I can discuss my former home with. He will be teaching me the Jawa Trade Language, and I will in turn teach him Cheunh and Sy Bisti. He is brilliant. He baffles me but I wish to be able to work with my teammates more effectively and come to understand him. An intelligent and resourceful individual, he is an asset to the group.

The others are good, as well. Though I have not grown close to anyone yet. I fear I should not. That I would not be allowed to. A part of me wishes to call them my friends, to have with them what I had with our squadron, but that is not possible. Friends are no longer something I deserve.

THE RING

To: [email protected]

I never it took it off. I knew that if I wished to hide myself, shield myself from questioning, I should have removed it. Perhaps even gotten rid of it entirely. But I could not bring myself to do so.

Today I was approached about it. I have no idea how to feel. To say that I am engaged feels wrong. I have not spoken to you in so long. Is it wrong of me to want to hold your hand once more? I miss our mornings together. Your coffee always tasted terrible, but if I were to taste it again, it would be the best coffee I have ever had.

#star wars #sw5e #chiss #varawn #the emails

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thewallpaperzone · 6 years ago

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Musashi shared by Varawn via /r/wallpapers http://bit.ly/2HjHzoZ

#IFTTT #reddit #wallpapers #desktop #homescreen #wallpaper #customization #desktopwallpapers

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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BIOGRAPHY: MAVA'RAW'NRARDA

The second day of month two in 16 BBY marked the birth of Mava'sathe'adurca (Vasathea) and Mava'ver'ishaze’s (Averis) first and only child. In the capital city of Csaplar, far beneath Csillla’s frigid surface, the force stirred. Their son lacked the distinct purple eyes of a force sensitive but all those present knew. Sensed it. The child had tainted blood. Most would be killed at birth, should they have a connection to the force. Mava'raw'nrarda (Varawn) found himself saved by only two things – the nobility of his lineage and the fact his mother was not expected to be able to conceive more children. His father, having married into the Mava family, could not carry on the bloodline. That noble blood, tainted, yet noble nonetheless, allowed him to survive. But to live? That was another story.

Death, perhaps, may have been a mercy in comparison to the force suppressing drugs his parents forced upon him. The sole hope of for their branch of the House Mava, Varawn’s parents afforded him no room for mistakes. Being a child did not excuse failure. The manor, cold and empty much like the Csilla’s surface, served as a status symbol meant to showcase power and wealth. Not to be an inviting space for guests or a loving home for a child. The little personality the home had to offer was not that of a genuine individual but the carefully curated mask his mother sought to present. Silent servants who dare not draw attention to themselves flitted through the halls like ghosts, fulfilling his parents’ every whim. While they also served to manage his immediate needs as a child, they did so impersonally and with great efficiency. Few permitted emotions to slip through but Varawn still remembers those who did. The warm, genuine smile of Chuf'ene'cuosifi (Fenec) as she held his hand after a nightmare. The raw anger of Yev'ivi'ktark (Vivik) when his mother threatened to dismiss him for making a single mistake preparing her party decorations. And Vel'ai'dio (Elaidi), whose fear when caught sleeping on the job would remain with him forever. A widow who stayed awake all night tending to her ailing child, beaten by his father on his mother’s orders. Her crying stopped only when his mother was satisfied.

His parents did for him only what they believed others could not do a sufficient job at. They gave him little attention, except to scold him or remind him of his obligations – of the expectations he must live up to. To behave in such a way that would impress and demand respect at all times, to conform to the traditions of the family without question, and to maintain unwavering loyalty and complete obedience to his parents. On the surface they treated him as if they expected him to surpass the legacy of his ancestors, their high expectations and harshness merely meant to help him grow, but sometimes the disdain on their faces would betray the truth. Varawn failed from birth. The moment they recognized his connection to the force, he could never become their perfect child. No matter how hard he tried to please them in the beginning. The best they could hope for was that if they kept suppressing his ability, maybe it would disappear over time. Outside of his parents, those who found out either accepted payment for their silence or died in mysterious circumstances. Until someone less easily disposed of became suspicious.

The Matriarch of the Mava House, Mava’alar’asu (Va'alara), came to visit the smaller branch manor of Varawn’s parents. She sensed from the moment she saw him that there was something off. That, perhaps, he might be a force user. A stain upon their bloodline. Warning his parents proved to be a mistake as they vehemently denied her suspicions, causing them to deepen. Beyond not wanting their lineage tainted by a force user, Va'alara was livid that Varawn’s parents would dare to keep secrets from her and lie to her face. Va'alara, now determined to prove her suspicions herself, vowed to kill Varawn once she had evidence of his power. Varawn, though still a child, did not back down. The force suppressants his parents made him take caused unpleasant side effects. Nausea, headaches, and lethargy among them. Overhearing his parents discuss Va'alara’s accusations was the first time Varawn learned of his connection to the force. So, he began to resist. Told the drugs were to lessen the severity of a chronic illness, when in reality they were the cause of him feeling vaguely unwell all the time, he started by simply refusing them. That did not work. Servants would be instructed to force open his jaws and shove the pills down his throat, even as fought back. He bit some of them. Next, he turned to hiding them. That also did not work. His parents always found them. Instead, he continued to fight back and once they made him swallow them, he would wait. As soon as they were out of earshot, Varawn would make himself regurgitate the pills. Eventually, he began to feel that suppressed power return. In secret, he practiced for weeks and bided his time.

Once he got used to feeling that lost part of himself again, he determined to make his parents give up. The next attempt at forcing him to take the pills, he used his power and threw them backward. They did not try again, so he began to openly practice inside of the manor regardless of their protests. Emboldened by his victory against his parents, Varawn wanted to explore this ability they had hidden from him. Soon after, rumors began to circulate about him. His parents fired all of their servants, hiring new ones, as they could not track down which servant began spreading that information. Both in hopes that they might be able to wash their hands of their failed child and gain more power, Varawn’s parents began providing information on the Chiss to the Empire. That perhaps, if they curried enough favor with the Empire, the Imperials might help them get rid of Matriarch Va'alara. The same parents who always lectured Varawn on loyalty to the family and loyalty to the Chiss Ascendency turned on their people readily when the Empire offered a solution to their problems. As the Mava family was a branch of the Mitth, Varawn’s power obsessed mother saw the gradually building influence of Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Thrawn), who had been a merit adoptive into the family and sought to try and take advantage of his connections within the Empire. At 16, Varawn found himself sent to train with the Empire. Even if it were to damage their reputation, so long as they could be rid of the matriarch and their ruined son, it would be worth it in the end.

Varawn met his distant cousin (by adoption) when he first arrived at the academy where he was to be trained. It was the fact Varawn’s parents were sending him to meet with Thrawn that prevented Matriarch Va'alara from killing him before he left Csilla. While she was one of the Chiss who disliked Thrawn, his position in the Mitth family could have caused her trouble if she did not proceed carefully. And as expected, due to the rumors of his force abilities spreading and his family getting involved with the Empire, his parents’ reputations were tarnished. They became loathed in their home city but remained confident that their risky move would pay off in the end. The Empire, however, proved to be a similar experience to Varawn. As one of very few non-humans in the Empire at the time, he found himself targeted by some of the more xenophobic and malicious individuals, hazed frequently. He may have learned some degree of fighting skill due to his father’s insistence on military training, but it was not enough. He may have learned the art of manipulation from his politically minded mother, but it was not enough. He may have developed a talent for stealth from sneaking around behind their backs, but it was not enough. Fortunately for him, Thrawn had anticipated this and found someone to look out for his cousin.

Mars Kaynich, recommended to Thrawn by an older officer the Chiss trusted, agreed to keep an eye on Varawn. Mars, who was serving as a low-brow grunt at the time while trying to figure out what he wanted to do, had undergone similar things when he became a cadet. From a family with a military legacy in the Empire, it was assumed Mars was there due solely to favoritism and not merit. He fought back against the taunting and hazing, earning the respect he now had from those who trained with him. And now, he did his best to teach Varawn how to fight back against those who would accuse him of the same due to his ties to Thrawn as well as those who wanted to torment him solely for not being human. And in the end, Mars did not seem to mind keeping an eye on Varawn.

He did not just help Varawn practice fighting. Mars helped Varawn learn to connect with humans, starting with challenging Varawn to befriend himself, they developed a fondness for each other. But as Mars was already a soldier, two years older than Varawn, they did not have consistent time together. Varawn’s training at the academy lasted one year. He finished at 17, the academy satisfied not only with his basic combat skills but with his knowledge of Imperial values and history. Their concern with him from the start had not been his fighting, no, it had been making sure he could fulfill the Empire’s mission. Aspiring to join the Starfighters as a pilot, Varawn moved on to do a two-year pilot training program at Skystrike Academy. Mars, too, had decided to pursue a career among the Starfighters. They ran into each other there and while Mars had more overall experience in the Empire, this time, they were starting on equal footing.

Their friendship grew and Mars was given a ‘core name’ like a Chiss, fondly referred to as Skayn by Varawn. A gesture of affection. When they graduated the program, they joined the same squad and Mars became Varawn’s wingman. Sometime in the year 2 ABY, their friendship began to change. Romantic tensions developed. Thrawn was known to have stated “This is not what I meant by ‘look out for my cousin’” upon recognizing that Mars and Varawn would likely become a couple at some point in the future. Varawn spent time with Thrawn sporadically, the pair always referring to each other by their core names due to the coincidence of having the same given name, though Varawn found it difficult to discern whether or not Thrawn wanted to be treated as a family member or a superior or even what treating someone like a family member should look like. He had a distinct feeling, from listening to Mars, that he should not use his parents as a frame of reference.

At some point during Varawn’s training, his parents had been caught red-handed selling sensitive information to the Empire. Aiming to not only rid herself of traitors but restore the family’s reputation and her own authority, the matriarch poisoned both of Varawn’s parents. She offered the antidote to whichever one of them would submit to her and tell her what she wished to know. Varawn’s mother cracked almost instantly. Treating everything as if it had been his father’s idea, she told the matriarch all she learned about the Empire, what information they gave the Empire, and everything she knew about the status of her son. Much of her information on Varawn was dated, as he stopped speaking to her the moment he left Csilla. Vasathea begged forgiveness, insisting she meant to play the double agent the entire time and never ceased being loyal to the Ascendency. The matriarch knew the truth – it had been Vasathea’s idea and Averis remained silent to protect his wife. Despite all of her flaws, despite her tossing him aside as if he were nothing, Averis had always loved his wife. He loved knowing she felt she could rely upon him to protect her, loved how she would memorize his favorite poems and recite one to him each night before they slept. How she smelled of flowers and fine wine. And he died for her, slowly and painfully, still loving her. The matriarch kept her word, giving Varawn’s mother the antidote. Vasathea remains one of Matriarch Va'alara’s pawns, kept on a tight leash. While she still wishes to dispose of Varawn, Va'alara could not do so easily while the Empire claimed him nor was he a pressing enough matter for her to send anyone off Csilla to find him. More important matters regarding the future of House Mava needed addressing than Varawn.

With the fall of the Empire in 4 ABY, Varawn did not know what to do. His squadron was the only real family he had besides Thrawn and while he respected and cared for Thrawn, he did not often get to see his cousin. The squadron members were the only people he truly loved and trusted. Though he missed Csilla, he had no one there for him. So, he looked to the current squadron leader – Jarrlin Balsea – for guidance. Jarrlin chose to stay and encouraged his squad to do the same. For Jarrlin, it was partly out of loyalty and partly due to the higher ups in the remnant were determined to keep fighting. Moff Darwalt Hilcox in particular made it clear that anyone who got caught trying to leave would be executed. Hilcox sincerely believed that anyone who left the remnant was siding with the enemy, a traitor, and therefore had to die. Better to kill them than to risk having to fight them later. Especially with Jarrlin’s small squadron being one of the few squadrons to remain fully functional after the fall. Many others suffered losses and with less than twelve members, were merged to create a full squadron. In the end, Jarrlin convinced all of his squadron to remain with the Empire. Soon after, the romantic tension between Mars and Varawn blossomed into a full-fledged romantic relationship. Warm and trusting with one another, they kept their relationship largely private to begin with, gradually becoming more confident. While Mars had dated a little as a teenager, Varawn had never experience romantic feelings or a romantic relationship before. At some point, Mars dared Varawn while everyone was drinking and bonding, to get an Imperial tattoo. Varawn did. Soon after, Mars got a similar tattoo at the base of his neck.

The squad continued to exist largely as a happy little family. They fought, miraculously without any death, until 10 ABY. The squad was riding the high of their lucky streak. Varawn and Mars had been together for six years and were discussing the idea of getting married once things quieted down. Varawn had been hoping to, perhaps, one day take Mars to visit Csilla (though he had no intention of visiting his parents) and other planets in Chiss Space before settling down somewhere peaceful after the war. Maybe moving on to pilot commercial vessels for work. When they began serving as a remnant after the fall, he still held hope for this.

Moff Darwalt Hilcox ordered Jarrlin to take his squad and attack a Jensaarai colony on Tatooine. Hilcox spun it as if the colony remained an active threat, and in some could argue it might have been, but his true motivation? Spite. A few members of the colony aided the rebels and when Hilcox got an anonymous tip about them, he sent in the squadron to rain down fury upon them. Innocents and all. Varawn did not ask questions at first. Not when Jarrlin instructed him to take the lead on planning the attack, nor when he asked to lead the squadron into battle. The squad had felt invincible, tallying up kill count like points in a game, but as it began to feel more and more like shooting fish in a barrel, Varawn lost interest in the usual banter. Then he and Jarrlin were shot down. Varawn remembers some parts quite clearly and others are no more than a haze. He doesn’t remember what he did before he hit the ground. He doesn’t remember how he felt. He remembers hearing Mars’ voice over the radio, but the words are static in his head. He does not remember the moment of impact either, but he recalls crawling from the burning wreckage of his fighter and not really believing he was still alive. The searing pain from the burns across his one side is something he remembers whenever he sees himself in the mirror. The fighter exploded as he crawled away, a shrapnel embedding itself in his back. But Varawn would not die. He stumbled to his feet and limped through the desert to find a much more gravely injured Jarrlin. He tried to patch them both up but Varawn was far from a medic. He dragged Jarrlin with him as he tried to find a safe place to rest and wait for rescue, hoping they would not run into any of the Jensaarai they had come to eradicate. As he wandered through the city wreckage in search of somewhere to hide, the picture became clearer to him. A small city, so many signs of a peaceful life now smoking before his eyes. Children crying out for their parents, elderly and others who were clearly civilians trapped beneath the rubble. Families ruined. Innocents dead. A home destroyed and he helped burn it to the ground. These were not the same as the armed rebels that he had fought before. If this was what Hilcox considered the enemy now, if this was what he would be ordered to destroy… he shut the thought out as quick as it came but the bitter taste in his mouth was impossible to ignore. Even so, the Empire was all he had. No one else to trust, nowhere else to go. And if he wanted to live, he had to kill any armed Jensaarai if they saw him. After all, why would they afford him any mercy?

So, he shot armed adults on sight. He managed to survive until rescue, even though Jarrlin did not. He dragged his body along though, not wanting to abandon the man who had helped create the little family that his squad had become. They were both retrieved and Jarrlin received a proper farewell from the squad. Once Varawn recovered from his injuries and was deemed fit for combat again, he was recognized for his efforts and received a promotion to squad leader. Apparently, Jarrlin had recommended him as a replacement a year or so before, should something go awry, and this battle was meant to be a test to show whether or not Jarrlin could step down as he was getting older and wanted to take a more backseat role in combat. Varawn accepted the promotion but the doubt he felt on Tatooine refused to subside. He could not look himself in the eyes without feeling guilt and shame. His own parents had wanted to destroy him for being a force user despite him trying for the first 16 years of his life to be a good son. At first, some in the Empire wanted him gone because he was not human, though over time he found people to trust and the sting of being unwanted became less and less as he learned that some people, like Mars, did care for him. Loved him. Varawn dealt with that as best he could but did not want to discuss it with Mars. Not at first, at least. He did not want anyone to know he had doubts, to put them in danger. He did his job and did it well, following orders and training the newbie that had joined their squad from one of the other sections of the remnant – Zarelia Warmack. But she seemed so young, so new, so fresh. Not even 18 at the time. He did not want to be the one to ruin her, to send her into battle and gradually strip away her hopes. Varawn did what he could to keep her off the frontlines while continuing to follow orders, but after struggling to cling to the man he used to be for about four years, Varawn could do it no longer. The guilt and uncertainty would not leave him. The futility of staying with the Empire seemed to finally sink it, along with the truth of the Empire’s cruelty. They were fighting a losing battle, and he was no longer willing to die for an Empire that was destroying people’s lives – the type of peaceful little family life Varawn so desperately wanted for himself.

He spoke to Mars, told Mars what he was thinking and how he was feeling. Mars did his best to provide some semblance of comfort, but Mars was not much different than Varawn. This squadron was all he had; the Empire was all he had – he had been raised an Imperial since day one. Made to be a soldier. He could not bring himself to leave and tried to convince Varawn to stay. Varawn tried to convince him to leave, but Mars was not ready or willing to consider that option. They had talked about getting married, about staying together forever, and Mars made sure Varawn hadn’t forgotten. But when the pleading turned to a desperate proposal, Varawn rejected it. He couldn’t, not now, and he told Mars that. But it incited a fight between them. It may not have been their first argument, but it was certainly the worst. Varawn left the remnant’s most recent base on Korriban that night in a larger ship he stole and had a trial by fire attempting to fly, going until he was almost out of fuel. He purposefully crashed it on the nearest planet at that point, hoping the damage to the ship would mean people would be less inclined to look for him, burned his uniform, and kept moving until he stumbled upon others.

That planet was Yavin 4 and there, one disheveled Chiss man found Nikkel, who sensed his force sensitivity and brought him to the Jedi Praxeum. Several people seemed to think Varawn was merely a strange looking Pantoran and he was too tired to correct them, allowed some time to rest before being brought to speak to Luke Skywalker. He had kept the details of his life largely private from everyone, but Luke knew there were secrets being harbored. Varawn spoke of his connection to the Empire to Luke and only Luke, wanting so badly to trust him. He did not go into detail, stating only that he could no longer bring himself to fight for the Empire and had no one to return to on Csilla. It was here that, though he knew some force abilities, Varawn truly began to utilize that part of himself.

After about a year of training with the others, Varawn has not yet opened up to the others. He wishes to, wanting to trust others and form connections with people again. Having been mistreated by his biological family and not yet emotionally recovered from abandoning his found family – including his romantic partner of about six years – Varawn both is hesitant to form any meaningful connections as he does not want to lose them and feels perhaps, after all he has done in service of the empire, he does not deserve the happiness he seeks. In the end, he is a man looking for a home. He does not want to be a Jedi, but he has nowhere else to go and does not see how he can live the quiet family life with someone he loves if the Empire’s remnants are going to insist on fighting tooth and nail to gain back the power they lost.

#varawn #star wars #sw5e #chiss

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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PERSONNEL FILE: MAVA'RAW'NRARDA

BASIC INFORMATION

Name: Mava'raw'nrarda

Species: Chiss

Date of Birth: Day 2 | Month 2 | 16 BBY

Age (Campaign Start): 30

Place of Birth: Csaplar, CSILLA - CSILLA SYSTEM, UNKNOWN REGIONS

MILITARY INFORMATION

Branch: Imperial Starfighters

Rank: Squadron Leader

Callsign: Phantom

Years of Service: Thirteen

Status: Defector

PERSONAL FILES

BIOGRAPHY

CAMPAIGN NOTES

OTHER DOCUMENTS

-- The Emails

-- Artistic Renditions

CONTACTS

MAVA’SATHE’ADURCA

MAVA'VER'ISHAZE

MAVA'ALAR'ASU

MITTH'RAW'NURUODO

KAYNICH, MARS

HILCOX, DARWALT

BALSEA, JARRLIN

BARBUR, TAMARA

SULORRE, JAKO

MARPIN, FINN

FOXPILL, MARIALE

THWABRI, SAM

CRESENI, ANNE

PLAWYN, JORDI

CHAPHURR, KADDAN

GOLARI, JARVA

WARMACK, ZARELIA

CHUF'ENE'CUOSIFI

YEV'IVI'KTARK

VEL'AI'DIO

THE PARTY

PLIN WIAMOEL

NIKKEL THORNWOOD

STESH PELGE

KIRA PARAL

TYLO VONDAR

#star wars #sw5e #chiss #varawn

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE NEWBIE

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Zarelia Warmack

Age: 22

Status: Alive

Role: The newest recruit for whom Varawn served as a mentor figure, one of the triggers for why he left.

Callsign: Dropkick (Because she dropkicked Jako when he challenged her to a fight)

APPEARANCE

Zarelia is a dark-skinned young woman who always wears a clever expression. She keeps her long brown hair in tight braids, all tied together with a thick band. Her eyes are a hazel color, sharp and curious. She has a small, button-like nose and thick, full lips. She is almost always seen smiling. She retains a youthful look to her and is often mistaken for a teenager.

PERSONALITY

Incredibly curious and eager to learn, Zarelia is a hard-working girl determined to make something of herself. Despite her ability to learn new skills quickly and clever mind, she is naive and gullible. She may notice a lot of things but was never taught how to apply her intelligence to things like sarcasm or lying. She sees the good in people first and foremost but has grown up with Imperial propaganda, therefore believing it to be a guideline for goodness.

HISTORY

An orphan child picked up and raised by Imperial extremists, Zarelia was the perfect little princess for her parents, who were rather close to Hilcox. When their own remnant fell, her father had died but her mother joined Hilcox and brought her along. Her father had been a Wing Commander in his own remnant and thus Zarelia had learned a lot about Starfighters, so she began learning to fly them. Her mother died before she finished training but once she knew enough where he was confident she wouldn’t crash the fighter immediately, Hilcox sent her to Varawn’s squadron.

#star wars #sw5e

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE FORCE OBSESSED

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Jordi Plawyn

Age: 31

Status: Alive

Role: A pilot that Varawn had mixed feelings about due to her obsession with the Force, Jedi, Jensaarai, and Inquisitors. She always made him show off what force abilities he knew to her.

Callsign: Hunter (Because she absolutely would have been a Jedi hunter if she didn’t suck at martial combat).

APPEARANCE

Jordi is a thin, almost fragile looking woman but quite fast. She has light skin and dark hair with cold grey eyes, her hair kept in a neat bob. Her features are intimidating as well, reinforcing that cold and calculating look she always has. She wears a lot of white when out of uniform and always portrays herself as someone powerful despite being physically somewhat weak.

PERSONALITY

Jordi is an analytical, no-nonsense woman with an academic obsession with Jedi history, the Force, Force users, and the Inquisitors. She would never admit that she silently curses the universe for not giving her Force powers so she could become an Inquisitor or be closer to Vader, who she idolizes. She does not want to exterminate Force users but she does want them to submit to the Empire and she wants to study them. She is obsessive in her personality, caring only about a few things but caring very deeply about those things. She is cold and somewhat cruel, though she insists the proper term is pragmatic, and was thrilled about the destruction of the Jensaarai colony as it proved in her eyes that Force users were no better than her. She makes Varawn somewhat uncomfortable.

HISTORY

Jordi grew up in a family that had several Force users, all of whom became Inquisitors. She always heard about their abilities, heard about how powerful they were, and she envied it. Her family was staunchly Imperial and therefore she began to idolize Darth Vader, wishing she could be as powerful as him. She wanted Force powers for herself, to become stronger, but even without them determined she would serve the Empire. So, she joined and discovered a talent for flying and has remained a pilot ever since. Her hunger for power has never faded.

#star wars #sw5e

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE TINKERER

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Anne Creseni

Age: 27

Status: Defected, Whereabouts Unknown

Role: A pilot with a side passion for engineering and mechanics, she often performs emergency repairs on weapons, armor, and vehicles.

Callsign: Silver (For her obsession with metals and metalworking, and the fact she always wears silver-colored piercings)

APPEARANCE

Anne has tan skin with dark hair and eyes, her hair shaved on one side of her head. She is average in height and very well-muscled. Her face is narrow and elegant in shape, her eyes large and prominent. She is considered to have a wild kind of beauty. There is a subtle spot where her nose was broken and healed crooked, but Anne is perfectly content with the reminder since she won that fight. Do not anger a woman holding a wrench.

PERSONALITY

Obsessed with her craft, ferocious when angry, and laser focused on whatever task is at hand, Anne reminds a lot of people of a feral animal at times and a mad scientist at others with the way she picks things apart and creates little machines that baffle others. She loves puzzles and anything that allows her to use her hands but never liked feeling stuck in one place, hence why she became a pilot. It gave her a squad that felt like family, and she knew she could trust while scratching the itch she has for freedom and excitement.

HISTORY

Anne was meant to become a spacecraft mechanic, like all of the women in her family had been, but she never got along with her parents and scorned the idea simply because she didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of her being like them even though she loved tinkering. At one point, she decided to take an old junk craft she got working again for a joyride and though she crashed it, had so much fun she couldn’t shake the need to do it again. So, she would fix crafts and steal them until eventually her parents caught her. She fled, joined the Empire, and worked toward becoming a pilot to continue sating that urge. She did not, however, ever really love the Empire or the Imperial doctrine. When Varawn left, it triggered her to prepare and do the same. She left a few months before the start of the campaign. She wanted to race, to fly wherever she pleased, and forget about fighting. She decided to aim to flee to a planet with lots of scrap she could play with but whether or not she made it to where she wished to go is unknown. She grew up on Jeddha as well, so when the Empire destroyed Jeddha City she was a bit upset.

#star wars #sw5e

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE ADRENALINE JUNKIE

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Sam Thwabri

Age: 29

Status: Alive

Role: A friend of Mars and Varawn, though Varawn feels like a babysitter when he’s around.

Callsign: Daredevil (Because boy does Sam have a love of danger)

APPEARANCE

Average height with blond hair and blue eyes, Sam keeps his hair short and maintains a neat beard. He is peppered in small scars from various antics with many people voicing the opinion that he is lucky to have all of his limbs with the exception of his left middle finger. It was removed at the knuckle. Sam jokes a Loth-cat bit it off. There is not much that stands out about Sam visually besides the fact he has tattooed images to represent any victories in battle or otherwise dangerous situations he survived.

PERSONALITY

A tried and true adrenaline junkie, Sam is always getting into trouble, and he loves it. He wants to prove how cool he is, wants to prove he’s resilient and indestructible. Whether it is eating spoiled food to prove he won’t get sick (he will) or doing dangerous stunts to show off how badass he is, Sam wants to be legendary. He is also incredibly stubborn and the best way to get him to do something is to tell him he can’t. He will insist he can and try with all his might.

HISTORY

Sam grew up the middle child in a very large family, almost always forgotten about, hence his desire now to stand out and get attention. His family was more of a middle-class situation, and he was pretty much left to his own devices without his parents enforcing strict rules until his oldest siblings moved out. Then he got sent off to the military to learn discipline and instead found that being a pilot fuels his desire for an adrenaline rush very well. Sam also has the hots for Anne Creseni but has not processed the fact Anne is not interested in men.

#star wars #sw5e

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE CLASS CLOWN

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Mariale Foxpill

Age: 35 [AT DEATH]

Status: Deceased

Role: The comedic relief of the group and a close friend of Mars.

Callsign: Patches (She knew how to sew and was fond of crafts)

APPEARANCE

Mariale was a short, stout woman with very doll-like features and long red hair she kept neatly braided so it would not interfere with her vision when fighting. Her eyes were grey and almost always had a mischievous look to them. She loved colorful things and all things crafts so her clothing outside of uniform was a bit eccentric.

PERSONALITY

Silly and light-hearted, Mariale always tried to bring humor to the group. She loved harmless pranks but hated ‘pranks’ like Jako’s which actually stood a chance of harming others. Creative thinking helped her to come up with unique plans no one else would have thought of and her familiarity with trial and error meant that Mariale was exceptionally good at pushing beyond failure. She was not, however, very good at taking on a leadership role and had no commanding presence whatsoever. Her precision and love of detail in crafts also showcased itself in her approach to life, always picking up on little things that others might have missed.

HISTORY

Not much is known about Mariale’s history, just that her family was incredibly hopeful that the Empire would fix everything they felt was wrong with the Republic back in the day and that she was raised by her grandparents on a small farming planet. She died within the year between Varawn defecting and the start of the campaign. Varawn does not know she is dead.

#star wars #sw5e

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE MOM FRIEND/CAREGIVER

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Finn Marpin

Age: 33

Status: Imprisoned/Enslaved

Role: The gentle caretaker of the group, Tamara’s husband, and unofficial medic.

Callsign: Nurse (A joke about how he is always fussing over the squad and making sure everyone is doing well)

APPEARANCE

Finn is a slightly below average height Asian man with a smattering of freckles across his face, dimples, and short, spiky black hair. He has a warm, cheerful smile. He is tan, lean, and almost always maintains a relaxed, if not somewhat tired, posture. He gives off wholesome, sunshine-y energy.

PERSONLITY

A sweet, honest, and very caring man with a gentle soul. Finn does not seem to fit what one would expect of a someone in the Imperial military. He is a worrywart who constantly fusses over those he cares for. Notoriously hard to anger, when Finn does get angry, his fury strikes fear into others.

HISTORY

Raised by his mothers, both physicians, Finn grew up learning about how to take care of others and how to be independent since his mothers were working unusual schedules at any and all hours. But they loved him, dearly. He did not pursue a medical career himself, however, because Finn is actually sort of squeamish. He is currently imprisoned/enslaved somewhere, though he was not when Varawn first left. His wife, Tamara, is desperate to find him.

#star wars #sw5e

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE JACKASS

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Jako Sulorre

Age: 24

Status: Alive

Role: The instigator of the group, a known troublemaker but a loyal Imperial.

Callsign: Raider (A bit of insult but Jako enjoys feeling edgy and intimidating so he likes it)

APPEARANCE

Jako is a rugged looking young man with rough, jagged scars on his face. He is pale, lanky, and very flexible. He has messy hair, unkempt now that the Empire cannot afford to kick people out over their hair and clothes not being up to regulation standards. He has a swagger to his walk.

PERSONALITY

An abrasive, unforgiving individual who is almost always picking a fight. He can keep his mouth shut when necessary but rubs a lot of people the wrong way. He is rude, unsympathetic, and selfish. However, he has his uses. Jako is also clever and ruthless which make him an asset in combat. He wants things to go his way and has no qualms about killing and stealing to achieve his goals. He was also the most xenophobic of the crew and thinks Varawn’s disappearance proved him right about his gut feeling something was wrong/untrustworthy about the Chiss.

HISTORY

Jako grew up in the sublevels of Coruscant, deep in, as an urchin. An orphan child with no family, he learned to kill and steal to get what he needed. He tried to rob the wrong person once, as a teenager, but instead ended up learning to be a soldier for the Empire. It was essentially join or die/be tossed in prison. Jako, however, likes fighting and therefore puts up with the other aspects of military life.

#star wars #sw5e

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE FRIENDLY COMPETITION

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Tamara Barbur

Age: 28

Status: Alive

Role: Friendly Rival to Varawn, Married to Finn Marpin

Callsign: Striker (For her excellent accuracy)

APPEARANCE

A tall, slim woman with cropped blonde hair and light brown eyes, Tamara has a triangular shaped face with round eyes and a narrow, pointed nose. There is very little about her that face or body that looks soft, only her round eyes. Freckles are splattered across her skin and she has a jagged scar across one side of her chin.

PERSONALITY

Tamara is cheerful, tenacious, and incredibly competitive. She loves all things competitive whether it is sports, board games, trivia challenges, etc and wants to be the best pilot in the Empire. She likes to keep her rivalries light-hearted, however, as she wants to learn from others whose skill she respects. A knowledge sponge, she is always working to better herself and enjoys learning new things. She is a very warm person despite her sharp looks.

HISTORY

Tamara grew up in the care of only her mother, her father unknown. As a renowned scientist focusing on agriculture and how to make barren planets easier to sustain life on via growing food, Dr. Barbur’s brilliance made her an asset to the Empire’s colonization efforts. Tamara, with a strong desire to explore, always wanted to learn to fly and that led her to join the Starfighter Corps.

#star wars #sw5e

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE FORMER SQUAD LEADER

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Jarrlin Balsea

Age: 45 [At Death]

Status: Deceased as of 10 BY

Role: Prior Squadron Leader and Mentor to Varawn

Callsign: Thunder (Jarrlin Balsea never shared the story of how he got his callsign with Varawn or the current squadron members)

APPEARANCE

A broad-shouldered man of average height, Jarrlin Balsea could have been chiseled from stone. A stern, square face with prominent eyebrows, a broad and flat nose, and full lips that rested naturally in a frown gave him an intimidating, difficult to read appearance. But Jarrlin’s dark, hooded eyes often held a spark of warmth. He kept a short, neat salt and pepper beard and a shaved head. Jarrlin wore only the most practical of clothes but most of his wardrobe contained some element of blue, leading the squad to assume blue was his favorite color.

PERSONALITY

An excellent leader with a strong commanding presence, Jarrlin was stern with his squadron but generally well-liked. He was a core example of a loyal, trustworthy figure for the squad and encouraged them to look out for each other. Always working to maintain a level-head, he expected his crew to put their best foot forward at all times but never treated them as if they were infallible or did not need breaks. He rewarded hard work and honesty, severely punished dangerous mistakes, and gave feedback wherever needed. Gracious in accepting criticism himself, he demanded accountability from his squad and did not treat himself as an exception to the rule. Despite this, Jarrlin did not form many close relationships with his squad and preferred to keep his past to himself. He would share likes and dislikes with the crew, hobbies, etc but deflected questions about his past.

HISTORY

Not much is known to Varawn about Jarrlin’s past in the Empire, but Varawn knows a few basic details about his life. Jarrlin Balsea is a human male and was born and raised at an unknown spaceport helping out his merchant parents who ran a not so successful store. He was very close with his younger sister.

#star wars #sw5e

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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THE MOFF

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Darwalt Hilcox

Age: 50

Status: Alive

Role: The Moff, in charge of the Imperial remnant Varawn defected from.

APPEARANCE

Darwalt is large man with an overwhelming presence, his stark blue eyes betraying some of the cruel wildness that lurks behind them. He has a very cold face but is expressive when he is angry, that fragile mask of humanity he clings to threatening to slip. His red hair is now mostly grey and remains slicked back at all times. He is constantly fixing it after his outbursts, doing all he can to maintain the appearance of control.

PERSONALITY

A man with a volatile temper who does not like to give up control, Darwalt has somewhat of a god complex. Fanatically loyal to the empire and thirsting for vengeance on the rebels and anyone affiliated with them, he believes he can singlehandedly bring the Empire back to the greatness it once had. He has a cruel streak a mile wide, basically a barely contained feral animal held back by an attempt to meet the expectation of what a good commander should be. Those who cross him can never know peace. He is determined to fight to the last man in hopes the Empire will have a resurgence but more than content to die if it means being able to kill more of the rebel scum. The “If I go down, I’m taking you down with me” type. He also has a no tolerance policy for traitors or quitting. He would rather kill former allies than let them give up the fight.

HISTORY

Protege to Grand Moff Tarkin and the Emperor, former star of the ISB, Moff Darwalt Hilcox was drowned in Imperial propaganda from his first breath. He is a fanatic through and through, told he is special and powerful, destined for greatness. Darwalt Hilcox cannot accept failure and will likely never admit defeat.

#star wars #sw5e #the empire star wars

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starwurst · 4 months ago

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WINGMAN/ROMANTIC PARTNER

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Mars Kaynich

Core Name: Skayn (only Varawn calls him this)

Age: 32

Status: Alive

Role: Varawn’s former wingman and romantic partner, now the acting squadron leader. He is the one who suggested Varawn’s callsign of “Phantom” because of how quietly Varawn walks and the number of times the Chiss accidentally scared someone just by standing behind them.

Callsign: Hurricane (Derived from Kaynich and inside joke about Mars’ level of disorganization in his room and if he tries his hand at cooking - “Looks like a Hurricane tore through here!”)

APPEARANCE

Mars is a handsome man with a square face. He has a strong jaw, cleft chin, and deep-set brown eyes. His skin, hair, and eyes are all warm toned. Freckles cover his nose, cheeks, and shoulders. His hair is a dark, almost espresso brown. It stops just a little below his ears and is almost always in a tousled, messy state as Mars is constantly occupied with other things. His method of styling his hair is essentially to splash some water on his hands and run them through it on his way out the door. He has a small scar on his lip and another going over his cheekbone and through the brow, just behind his eye. Broad shouldered and muscular, Mars maintains the athleticism that had been required of him as an infantryman despite having committed to the TIE fighter squadron quite some time ago. A clean scar runs across his bicep and a few small scars from pistol shots on his chest. There is a tattoo of the Empire’s emblem on the base of his neck, reaching down between his shoulder blades, to match the one he dared Varawn to get. He is only slightly taller than Varawn but significantly stronger.

PERSONALITY

A charming, outgoing, and reliable individual, Mars gets along with most people and is perfectly capable of being civil with the ones he dislikes until he can get away from them. He is not the best at making decisions under high pressure or improvising unless it relates to military strategy as he has had extensive training on combat scenarios. This shortcoming of his is part of what led to his impromptu, desperate proposal when Varawn decided to leave the remnant. Mars acts as a glue for the team due to his overall considerate nature and well-balanced sense of work and play. He seems to always know whether to lighten the mood or shut down nonsense to create a serious environment. He is the perfect right-hand man but never wished to be a leader, especially knowing how panicked he gets when things do not go to plan whereas Varawn is more level-headed about immediately moving on to figuring out the next step. Circling back to the example of their proposal, it was a last-ditch effort from Mars to remind Varawn of their plan and encourage him to stick to it. After all, what they wanted in the end was still the same. Mars is not afraid of new things and is a very curious person, thrilled to learn more about the Chiss from Varawn, but he does get nervous about changes that will significantly impact his life and needs to work up to them. Initiating a romantic relationship with Varawn, contemplating marriage, or even whether or not he might one day abandon the Empire and re-join his partner are all things that Mars cannot decide without serious time to find his bravery. For whatever reason, Mars has an easier time flying into battle than he ever did asking Varawn on their first date.

HISTORY

Born to an Imperial family, Mars is human like every member of the Kaynich family before him. With both parents in the Imperial military, joining up was expected of him. Spoon fed propaganda from his first breath and with a love of adrenaline, Mars did not have any objection to joining the military. Both of his parents were major generals. His father, Andelay, focused on the standard Imperial Army while his mother Marsari commanded Stormtroopers. Mars had been quite close with his parents. When they were not fighting or otherwise working, his parents would help him learn to fight and strategize through various games as well as engage with Mars’ personal interests. Mars, being quite competitive, loved being challenged by his parents and worked very hard to win against his parents. They supported him trying any ideas, praising successes and helping him workshop failures to see if they could make it work. When his parents were away for work, Mars spent his time with his eccentric uncle Adrisan. Adrisan was the family jokester, the deadbeat uncle, who was kept around due to his talent as an engineer even though he was even more notorious for drinking and causing chaos. He would take on work for the Empire now and again, fixing things or drafting up tech for them, but would have preferred it if some institute would fund his personal projects instead. From his uncle, Mars got his sense of humor and a love of making things. He will make little things out of scrap metal and enjoys puzzles that need to be solved by moving a variety of parts. A few years before Mars entered the military to begin training, both of his parents were killed in action and received posthumous honors. He relied on his uncle for support when training began and the others viewed him as meritless/a nepotism selection due to his family having a legacy of military service in the Empire. It was overcoming this judgment that aided him when some years later, he was asked to look after Mava’raw’nrarda and helped the Chiss navigate the xenophobia of other students. Though they were targeted in different ways and for different reasons, Mars was able to provide support and offer methods of handling unpleasant situations.

RELATIONSHIP

Mars had been in some brief relationships prior to Varawn. They began as friends after Mars helped show Varawn the ropes of being an Imperial and their friendship deepened when they later went through pilot training together. They had a very strong foundation of friendship by the time their relationship turned romantic, initiated by Mars after significant deliberation. While they did not actively keep their relationship secret, they both preferred to keep any physical affection a private affair. Mars takes great pleasure in affectionate, lighthearted teasing much to Varawn’s eternal suffering, as he finds it amusing but incredibly distracting if not also rather embarrassing. While Mars tends to show his love through verbal affirmation and quality time, Varawn had no frame of reference outside of his parents’ questionable relationship and therefore believes that the best way for him tell Mars he loves him is not actually to tell him, but through acts of service and gifts. It took a bit of adjusting in the beginning but they came to understand one another’s methods. Mars is significantly more open about his feelings than Varawn, but knows Varawn is working on it. Especially given everything Mars has heard about his partner’s upbringing, he does his best to be patient and understanding. While Mars is the one that taught Varawn to love and helps him open up and show a softer, more relaxed side of him where he can be himself and speak freely, Varawn in turn provides a more stable and focused energy during the times when Mars feels like he can’t handle anymore pressure. The two were in agreement about their futures plan, to get married once the fighting calmed down or preferably stopped. They were either going to find a peaceful planet to settle on or travel planet to planet hauling goods. When Varawn finally came clean about his guilt over the attack on Tatooine and displeasure at the direction the remnant was going, however, Mars did not not know what to say or do. The intensity of those feelings and Varawn’s already made decision to leave overwhelmed him. He wanted to stick to the plan, but the Empire was everything he knew. The only thing he had. Mars always assumed either the Empire would have won and then they’d settle down or they’d switch to a job off the frontlines together. The fear of losing Varawn, the panic at their plan crumbling before his eyes, the reluctance to give up the only life he’d ever known, and the sense of betrayal when Varawn actually left without him… Mars was devastated. But in the end, he still loves Varawn and they still want the same thing in the end – a life together. His proposal was a desperate attempt to get that. And yet, even after this, when it came down to it Mars chose to protect Varawn. To conceal what he could from Hilcox, even when he was questioned with less than polite methods. Despite the pain and hurt, both of them still do love each other, but what Mars would do first if he were to see Varawn again is something Mars himself isn’t even sure about. Part of him wants to work up the courage to leave and find his lover. Part of him wants to knock Varawn on his ass for leaving the way he did. Part of him just wants Varawn to come back and beg Hilcox’s forgiveness so things can return to the way they were, even though he knows that can’t happen.

CURRENT SITUATION AT START OF CAMPAIGN

After Varawn stole a ship and abandoned the Empire in the middle of the night, Mars was brought in for questioning and once Hilcox and company were confident that he truly knew nothing about where Varawn went, they let him go. Bruised and bloodied. Despite the fact he had been in a romantic relationship with a traitor and still clearly loved him, as Mars tried to lessen the blow and pretend he didn’t even know Varawn left or why Varawn left, Mars was permitted to replace Varawn as the current squadron leader but under close supervision. Even despite the fact Mars struggles with leadership and making snap decisions when plans fail, something he works to mitigate by making back-up plans for his back-up plans. In the end, despite the borderline torture he was subjected to on account of his partner defecting, Mars genuinely did not know anything besides that Varawn left because he did not approve of the direction Hilcox had taken thing and as far as he knew, Varawn was not going to come back. This is likely what saved him, the fact he honestly could not speak to Varawn’s plans and, as he openly admitted when pressed about the possibility of leaving with Varawn, the Empire was his life and he had nowhere else to go. The aggressive questioning did not help Mars’ resentment over Varawn leaving and he never wanted to lead the squadron, he was simply the best choice out of those left in the remnant for his talent as a pilot alongside the fact the whole team loves and respects him.

#star wars #sw5e #the empire star wars

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