#val's tlou fic recs 🍄

[elorday]

"that's not the point" Ellie smiled maliciously "you like her Joel, it's painfully obvious"

man i love this one so good.

Blushing

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem! reader

Summary: Ellie tries to convince Joel of how obvious it is he likes you.

Warnings: just fluff

Keep reading

[elorday]

"I don't know, I thought you knew everything."

That's not true. He can't know everything, because he doesn't have a clue in the world what he did to deserve meeting you. 

THIS IS JUST STRAIGHT SUPER SWEET AND I THINK AW SOFT JOEL JUST MAKING ME BLUSH.

grumpy!joel and sunshine!reader? like he is very gruff and short with people until his girl comes around and tess is like wow are you soft now?

tysm for ur request! disclaimer: I am not an expert in tlou I just think Joel is very fit and also scary ♥︎ tess and joel are roommates here (and also no hate on tess at all I tried to make her a realist rather than a pessimist but she may sound a little jaded) idk lol pls enjoy! fem!reader 

Joel's asleep when you come around. Tess is stirring her drink, small spoon bouncing against the sides of her mug with a metallic tap-tap-tap as your familiar knock raps the door. She doesn't bother yelling, just opens the door to let you in. 

"Hello," you say, though you wince when you spot Joel dozing on the couch. You drop your voice to a whisper. "Nice shiner, Tess." 

"Thanks." She steps aside to give you free reign, rolling her eyes when you toe off your shoes. 

You're not right in the head, in Tess' opinion. You're too soft for this life, and your continued survival feels like luck and nothing more. You know how she feels about you, and you know what she thinks: that to be vulnerable is to kill yourself. You don't feel the same. 

Joel's flat on his back. You push him against the cushions of the couch to make room, perching at his hip with a small sigh. He couldn't have been with Tess when she got hurt, his face clean of contusions. No speckled bruising, no scabbing cuts. 

You place your hand over the solid plane of his stomach and lean forward just a touch. You could kiss him. 

"Joel," you murmur, hand sliding to his waist. His jeans are rough under your palm. "Wake up. I have good news." 

He never wakes gently. His eyes scrunch, his lips tug down into a scowl. When he sees you, it takes a good long second for his agitation to fade into a more neutral expression. 

"Hey," you say, smiling. 

He doesn't smile back. "Where have you been?" he asks succinctly, voice rough with the lingering dregs of sleep. 

"Why should I tell you?"

He almost pushes you off of the couch as he sits up and swings his legs to the side. His shoes touch the floor, and of course he sleeps with his shoes on, he's ready for everything.

"Don't play games." 

You hum in delight at his dark tone and stand up before he can grab you, shivering at the feeling of his fingertips scratching your thighs. You backtrack through the room for your bag thrown haphazardly by the door. You pick it up, excited and scared at once, and scrabble to procure your promised 'good news'. 

"I wasn't far." 

"Your definition of far isn't one I trust," he says. 

"She's a big girl, Joel," Tess says, sipping her drink. She winces at the taste but isn't deterred. "She can take care of herself." 

And if you can't, who cares? You shouldn't be anybody else's problem, and to your credit you aren't. You take care of yourself. You take care of Joel, too, whenever you can, which is why you've brought him the book you found. 

"Here, handsome," you say, holding it out with little ceremony. 

Joel stands up to take it. He stares at the cover in silence. 

"It's a shame they can't include a snippet on every page," you lament. "Like when they used to put perfume samples straight on the paper. I don't know what half of those songs sound like. Which is weird, right? The biggest Billboard hits and I can't remember them." 

"And this is for…" 

"Your codes. Your radio codes?" Your beaming smile starts to shutter. Maybe it isn't useful after all.

Joel knows better than to ask what you want for it. You never ask for anything, ever. You give and you give and at first he'd thought you were stupid, just plain dumb. Generosity is a myth and everybody has their motives. He'd been suspicious of your angle, rejecting you, talking down on you, practically spitting at you to get lost. And you'd listened, for the most part, but then he'd see you in line after shifts for cards, around dark corners talking to dirty FEDRA officers, and you'd always impossibly feel his gaze and pin him with a smile. You've eroded his reluctance over time, and now you're here, sprightly and pretty in his too-big apartment filling every inch with light. 

He reaches across the gap and takes your hand. He squeezes, savouring the warmth of your smaller hand. You have delicate fingers compared to his, and they look smaller still enveloped in his grasp. 

"I'll make you something to eat," he says. 

You nod once, a pop of movement. "Thank you." 

You're not the one who should be saying it but you're the only one who's willing to. Thank you has become synonymous with I owe you. 

Tess lets her gaze flick between your two bodies, clearly startled. Joel drops your hand and it's too late, far too late, she's already gearing up to make fun. 

"Is this how it's gonna be now?" she asks. 

Joel huffs quietly. Tess talks with a brittle kind of love, the familiarity of knowing someone for a long time softening what would otherwise be ridicule. She thinks, without malice, that you and Joel are a bad idea.  

"Hasn't it been like this for a while?" you ask, turning to face her, your usual sunshine attitude worsened by Joel's affection. 

"You're fucking up my guy." 

"Don't get stiffed so often and you won't need a bodyguard," you say lightly. 

Joel snorts, tossing your catalogue of songs on the counter. He doesn't know if they have anything worth eating here, but he's gonna damn well try and find something. 

"You're soft," Tess says to Joel, quick and quipping as she dumps what's left of her drink into the sink. "I'm going out." 

Not much changes when she goes. You come to stand beside him at the counter, your elbow brushing his arm. He doesn't move away. 

Joel doesn't understand why you stick around. Doesn't know what it is that makes you so sweet on him. The first time you met, outside the old meat market on the edge of curfew, he'd been standing watch as Tess made a deal. You'd slunk up on him from the right, and said, "You look unhappy," with your usual softness. 

He'd turned to you in wonder. Wonder in the very worst sense of the word; what could possibly possess you to approach him? Agitation struck like the powdery head of a match against its box, fuck off on the tip of his tongue, and you'd said, "You ever hear that Bill Withers song? 'Ain't no sunshine without rain?'" 

He'd thought you were a wannabe member of the resistance, and that fuck off had rolled right out of his mouth with ease. Your smile hardly wavered. 

"It's 'when she's gone,'" he says now.

You look up at him, he looks down at you. His thick brows relax, and his brown eyes calm. It suits him, and you'd tell him, but you're confused. 

"Huh?" 

"That Bill Withers song. It's 'ain't no sunshine when she's gone,'" he corrects you, the you from the past. He's trying to tell you something without saying it out loud. 

"Oh," you say. Your eyelashes kiss in the corners as you smile. "Right. What am I thinking of?" 

"How should I know?" He doesn't sound mad, smiling at you very briefly.

"I don't know, I thought you knew everything." 

That's not true. He can't know everything, because he doesn't have a clue in the world what he did to deserve meeting you. 

—

please forgive any inaccuracies, I only played the game a little when I was much younger, and so this was made of my watching the first episode twice and some help from people / the wiki!! it's just for fun lol so I hope you enjoyed <3<3<3

[elorday]

y/n and joel's argument:

AND UGH I LOVE THIS I NEED THIS I NEED MORE THIS WAS TOO GOOD ASHSHDB

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Three

Chapter Three: Out On The Town

Plot: Tess and Joel demand answers from Y/n and Ellie on the details of Ellie’s condition and venture out into the city.

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings: tlou ep.2 spoilers, language, canon typical violence, allusion to sexual harassment, guns, blood (16+)

A/N: PLEASE READ. Hello, my loves 👋🏻 I’m so glad everyone’s enjoying the series. I placed this in the previous chapter and a few other posts, but need to reiterate it. I’m not adding anyone to the taglist if they don’t have their age in their bio. This is a 16+ series and I’m trying to look out for younger eyes on here 👀

Other than that, I hope everyone enjoys these next two chapters. This one’s less action and more set-up for future parts. The next one should be out before Sunday’s episode. Read on, babes!!

—————————

May 10th, 2002. Austin, Texas.

The only proof Joel had that he’d been at the bar the night before was the throbbing pain in his temples. It was a sobering reminder that his talent for drinking was slipping with age. Still, he pounded some coffee and an Aspirin, picked up Tommy and headed off to work.

On their way, Joel found his eye straying to each women he drove past that even bore a tiny resemblance to Y/n. He should have been surprised that it had only taken one meeting for her to brand herself on his brain, but she was something special. She probably had that effect on everyone she met.

Joel parked the car outside the hardware store, leaving a semi-hungover Tommy to grab a few more minutes of sleep. Sarah was at soccer practice for the morning and then off to a friend’s house, they could almost get in full day of work.

Both the Miller brothers knew their way around the store like the back of their hands. Joel went to the back to get his quota of wood cut, made small talk with the older guy who worked the cutter and navigated the aisles effortlessly. There was nothing new about any of it…

On the other side of each aisle, Y/n was pushing a cart and restocking product. Home improvement wasn’t her passion in life, but her father had been one of those “don’t pay someone to do it if you can do it yourself” kind of guys, so it came natural to her. The pay was good, she liked her boss, and she enjoyed the community aspect of the job.

They were dancing without knowing it. Each time Joel moved in one direction, Y/n moved in the opposite, and vice versa.

Eventually, Joel got to the last thing on his list: a new drill bit. He steered his cart around a corner and down the corresponding aisle. When he got to the hook it was supposed to be on, he found it empty. This was not the day for that…

Y/n pulled down the aisle, spotting a customer rifling through a shelf, and put on her employee smile. “Can I help you find some-“

Joel practically smacked his head on the shelf above, standing up as soon as he heard that familiar voice.

Y/n’s eyes lit up, “You.”

“You,” Joel echoed, a surprised smile coming to his face.

“Hi,” Y/n chuckled.

Joel’s brain stopped firing any and all signals, “Hi.”

“So we had the same early morning planned,” Y/n smiled.

“Shoulda carpooled,” Joel replied, earning a breathy laugh. His chest warmed.

“How are you?” Y/n asked, as if some grand thing had occurred in the past twelve hours they’d been apart.

Joel leaned one arm on the handle of his cart, “Good. Headin’ off to work.”

“No Tommy?” Y/n looked over his shoulder.

“Nah, he’s sleepin’ last night off in the truck,” Joel said, putting a hand on his hip.

“Can’t say I blame him,” Y/n looped a finger through the grate of her cart, swinging her body into the aisle, “I shouldn’t have let you two buy me that second glass.”

Joel smirked, “Can’t hold your liquor?”

“Oh, I can hold it,” Y/n said confidently, scrunching up her face after, “Until the next morning.”

The two of them shared a short laugh before Y/n remembered why they were there. “You were looking for something,” she pointed to the shelf.

He was? “Oh, yeah,” Joel remembered, “Quarter inch bit.”

“Hang on,” Y/n said, determinedly sorting through one of the boxes in her cart. She pulled out the piece of steel and held it up victoriously.

“You’re my hero,” Joel said, taking it from her, “Day would have been a waste without this.”

“Well, there you go,” Y/n couldn’t help herself from beaming, “You saved me last night, I returned the favor.”

Joel internally winced at the memory.

“Are you done shopping or can I pull anything else out of my magic Mary Poppins cart?” Y/n quipped, patting a hand against one of the boxes.

“Nah, that was the last thing on the list,” he answered, wishing dearly he’d written more on the piece of paper in his hand.

“Well, I’ll check you out,” Y/n said, wishing she’d chosen any other phrasing.

Joel held up a hand, “I don’t wanna take you away from what you’re doin’.”

“Please, you’re doing me a favor,” Y/n grabbed the end of her cart and began to drag it down the aisle, “You’re the first human interaction I’ve had all morning.”

Deciding that he was doing a service and nothing more, Joel followed her through the store. He didn’t know if he believed in fate, but he believed in luck, and it felt like he’d gotten tossed a rare bit of good luck by meeting Y/n again.

Y/n was half convinced she’d caused Joel to materialize. Here she was, thinking about him and his big brown eyes all morning, and then there he was. It was either an unbelievable stroke of luck, or someone Up There had seen fit to brighten her day a little.

As Y/n scanned Joel’s items, a nervous silence blanketed them. Everything that filtered through their minds sounded too awkward to say. There wasn’t a whole lot of ground to cover, they’d only known each other for less than twenty four hours.

“You doin’ okay?” Joel finally asked, hoping he wasn’t crossing some line, “After last night?”

“Oh,” Y/n looked down at the pile of purchases, “Yeah, I’m fine. Not the first time it’s happened. I just need to get better at defending myself.”

Joel’s blood boiled under his calm demeanor, men were awful. “There shouldn’t be a need in the first place,” he bit out as he gripped his cart a little tighter.

Yn shrugged sadly, “It’s the world we live in. That’s why it’s so nice to meet guys like you and Tommy. You make up for your sex’s failings.”

Joel chuckled under his breath as he handed her his debit card, “Not sure we can fill that tall an order.”

Laughing softly enough to make Joel’s chest flutter a little, Y/n rang up the order and handed him the bags.

“Well, I guess I know where I’ll be seeing you two from now on,” she said.

“Yeah,” Joel replied, “And thanks for helping me find that bit. You really saved our asses.”

Y/n playfully held her hands up, “I didn’t get employee of the month for nothing.”

Joel could hear that little voice in his head, the same one that had a residency in the gut, telling him to take a shot and ask Y/n out. He wasn’t a timid guy, but she had some sort of spell on him that made his palms sweat and his mind go blank. Plus, he’d sworn off bringing anyone into his life a long time ago. It was all around, a bad idea.

“Well, I’ll see you around,” he finally decided on.

Y/n hoped her smile hid all her sadness, “See you.”

Joel and his cart made it about three steps before he threw caution to the wind.

“Hey,” he turned around, “Do you think, maybe….I could take you to dinner sometime?”

Y/n’s grin spread like wildfire across her face, “Yeah,” she replied, “I’d like that.”

Both of them released a caught breath, Y/n pressed a button on the printer and tore off a piece of reciept paper. She scribbled her number down.

“I work a lot,” she told him as she wrote, “But I’m usually free on Fridays.”

“Okay,” Joe took the paper from her, their fingers brushing, “I’ll call you.”

Y/n had to physically restrain her lips and the giggle that threatened to show itself. “You do that,” she responded, fiddling with her pen.

Joel gave a sideways smile, deciding to get out while he was on a winning streak. He held up a hand and turned on his heel, confidence powering his stride.

Y/n stayed at the checkout counter a little longer, trying to compose herself lest customers think she was high. She set her pen back down and did a little skip back to her cart. It was going to be a great day.

Joel made it back to the truck, loading his supplies into the flatbed with unusual enthusiasm. He didn’t care about his headache, his backache…he was flying too high for anything to bother him. He climbed into the driver’s seat, Tommy groaned as he did.

“You took your time,” he grunted.

Joel didn’t get many moments of victory, he was going to let himself bask in this one a while. He held up the piece of paper to Tommy, who leaned over and read it. Above an unknown phone number was Y/n’s name with a heart next to it.

Tommy’s grin stretched, “No way.”

Joel simply grinned and started up the truck.

“No fuckin’ way,” Tommy got louder, reaching over and shaking his brother’s shoulder. They drove off, Joel’s mood was shifted for the day. The nerves would set in later. For now, he just wanted to be excited about taking out the beautiful girl from the bar.

—————————

2023, Boston

Tess slammed Y/n up against the inside of the abandoned building.

“What the hell’s going on?”

Y/n pulled on Tess’ jacket and tried to flip her around. She rammed her elbow down on Tess’ arm and broke the hold. Before Tess could fight back, Joel took hold of both their arms and wrenched them apart. Y/n slipped as he did an fell on her side, refusing to groan and let any vulnerability show.

“I already told you,” Y/n grunted, pushing up on one arm, “She’s not sick.”

“You think we’re just gonna believe you?” Tess continued, “Give us one reason why we shouldn’t kill you both right now.”

Y/n smirked, her eyes bouncing to Joel, who glared at her with the same coldness he had twenty years ago. “How else are you going to get your battery?”

No matter how much control Joel wanted to pretend he had over the situation, Y/n held the real power. Ellie and her were the key to getting to Tommy.

Ellie watched this all from the side, exhausted and scared.

“Now here’s what’s going to happen,” Y/n stood to her feet and pointed to Ellie, “She’s going to get some sleep. At some point tonight, I’m going to do the same. Have a gun on me the whole time, I don’t fucking care,” she gestured between her and the girl, “But both of us are going to be breathing come morning,” she looked to Joel, “Or else you get to live with the fact that Tommy could have lived if it wasn’t for your overeager trigger finger.”

Joel’s blood boiled, furious with Y/n for having stepped over that line. How could she speak about his life so carelessly?

“We’ll take the first two shifts,” Tess stated, leaving no room for argument, “But we get our answers first thing.”

Y/n gave a single nod, picked up her backpack and motioned for Ellie to come with. In the middle of the building, there was a patch of grass that could act as a bed. Y/n sat down and pulled out her sweater, balling it up and laying her head atop it.

“Are you sure they won’t kill us?” Ellie asked quietly, she followed Y/n’s actions and crumpled up her jacket.

“Positive,” Y/n said as she shut her eyes. Joel may have been reckless with her life, but he’d sooner die than let anything happen to Tommy.

Ellie curled up a few inches away from Y/n. It was funny what life-or-death circumstances could do to people. Y/n was the only person Ellie had taken to out of the Fireflies, but now, with Tess and Joel as her other options for comfort, she was her new favorite person. Ellie turned on her side to face the woman, the only person she could count on to protect her…

—————————

Sunlight across Y/n eyes woke her up. She stretched out her legs and yawned, spotting a sleeping Ellie at her side. She’d never gotten woken up for her turn to keep watch, but that had been expected. It didn’t take a genius to guess what was waiting in front of her.

Sure enough, Joel had his rifle pointed straight at her chest.

“You’re getting predictable,” Y/n remarked, rubbing one of her eyes.

Ellie woke soon after, sitting up and finding the same sight.

“Morning,” she said. The second she moved, Joel’s gun followed her. Y/n immediately pulled her gun off of her belt and pointed it at her ex.

“Do I look like I’m infected?” Ellie asked.

“Show us your arm,” Joel demanded.

Ellie rolled up her sleeve and showcased the scarred bite. Tess and Joel leaned forward to examine it, which was hard to do with half a room between them.

“Yeah, it’s not getting any worse, is it?” Ellie said impatiently, “If we’re out in the open city, why aren’t we getting swarmed?”

“Don’t worry about that,” Joel ignored her concern.

“Well, I’m gonna,” the girl replied.

“What was Marlene doing with an infected kid?” Tess switched lanes.

Ellie shook her head, “I’m not infected.”

Tess and Joel gave a deadpan stare, Y/n rolled her eyes. It wasn’t like it was a fucking fairytale they were asking them to believe. There was proof right in from of them.

“She found me after I was bitten,” Ellie continued.

“And she didn’t shoot you,” Joel put another piece of the puzzle together.

“Clearly not. She locked me up and had her guys,” Ellie glanced over to Y/n, “Test me every day to see if I was getting sick.”

“Test you how?” Tess asked.

Ellie sighed, “I have to pee.”

Nobody cared. “Test you…how?”

“They’d make me count to ten and hold my hand out and then keep it steady,” Ellie answered, “But, you know, I think what really impressed them was that I didn’t turn into a fucking monster. Now can I please?”

As Ellie stood up, Joel rose with her, and so did Y/n. Betrayal and loyalty mixed between them like oil and water. Ellie held her hands up, caught in the middle of it.

“Fine,” Tess relented, “Back there, you can find a spot. And here,” she tossed a magazine Ellie’s way, “Tear out a few pages.”

Ellie glanced between Y/n and Joel, checking to make sure there wasn’t about to be a shootout, and headed back. “There’s not gonna be anything bad in here?”

“Just you,” Joel answered.

“Oh, funny,” Ellie said before disappearing.

With her gone, Joel and Y/n really had no reason to still be aiming at one another. At the same time, they cautiously lowered their weapons. Despite whatever tragic nostalgia they’d indulged in the night before, they’d gone back to hate, as if their memories had been a symptom of some bad hangover. It was all forgotten in the light of day.

Joel sat back down with Tess, letting his unflinching stare rest on Y/n. Y/n had seen enough of that scowl to not be intimidated by it. Eventually, when nothing more could be said, his eyes dropped to examine his hand. The pain had set in overnight and he couldn’t keep it from shaking.

“Broken,” Tess stated, sitting down next to him.

“Maybe a hairline,” he replied, never looking at her, “It’ll heal fast.”

“Okay,” Y/n muttered, clapping her hands together, “You keep thinkin’ positive, I’m gonna go take a piss.”

She marched over the small hill of grass and knocked on the door frame of Ellie’s makeshift bathroom. “Me,” she announced.

“Don’t fuckin’ look,” Ellie said quickly from somewhere in the room.

“I’m not,” Y/n replied, staring at the ceiling as she wandered, “Just tell me where to go.”

“Left a little,” the girl instructed, “Straight. There you go.”

Y/n unbuckled her pants and squatted, “Throw me the book?”

Ellie tossed the papers her way, they awkwardly went on with their business in silence.

As much as Y/n hated to let Joel have any sort of win over her, if they were going to convince him and Tess to help them to the State House, he was going to need more information.

“You’re gonna have to tell them,” she told Ellie, “About out West.”

Ellie was finished and standing on the other side of Y/n, “I thought I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone.”

“Yeah, well,” Y/n sighed, “They’re not gonna believe you unless you do. Marlene would say the same thing.”

“What about you?” Ellie asked, “Would they believe you?”

Y/n bitterly chuckled, the memories that once had stingers now couldn’t penetrate her thick skin. “No, they won’t believe me. You’re our only shot.”

Outside, Joel and Tess were discussing the sudden plot twist.

“She made it through the fuckin’ night, Joel,” Tess urged, her voice dripping with hope.

“It doesn’t matter,” Joel argued, “It’s gonna happen sooner or later. Alright? We’re still close to the Wall, we sneak ‘em back into the QZ. We find a different way to get the battery.”

“What about her?” Tess asked, there was no need to specify which one she was referring to, “You don’t believe her?”

“I don’t trust a fuckin’ word that comes out of her mouth,” Joel answered harshly, the past nipping at his heels, “She’s lied before and she’ll do it again.”

Tess had something unique going for her: she didn’t share history with Joel and Y/n. She saw through all their bullshit objectively. “This is our best shot,” she said, “We take ‘em back to the QZ, someone’s gonna notice her arm, they’ll scan her, then they’ll kill her.”

Joel wasted a heartlessly little amount of time with his reply, “Well, better her than us. You need to stop talkin’ about this kid like she’s got some kind of life in front of her.”

He didn’t know it, but he should have felt grateful that Y/n couldn’t hear his comment over the ripping of magazine pages. She would have shot him then and there.

Ellie and Y/n walked out, Ellie tossing the magazine back at Tess and Y/n keeping close watch as she took her seat.

“You hungry?” Tess offered to Ellie, “You can share some of ours.”

“Thanks,” Ellie replied, “Marlene sent me with my own.”

If Y/n wanted to feel like she was beating Joel in something, breakfast gave her the win. While he picked at a piece of jerky with his fractured hand, she and Ellie worked on their oversized sandwiches. Petty? Perhaps. But Y/n felt entitled to whatever form her hatred wanted to take.

“Is that chicken?” Tess finally asked.

Ellie nodded, “Yeah. Marlene and Y/n say they get it from smugglers. Guess not you guys.”

For whatever reason, even though she’d attacked her, Y/n was starting to feel empathy for Tess. She was the only one semi-amenable to Ellie’s situation. Against her instincts and more in line with her heart, she ripped the rest of her sandwich in half and walked it over to Tess, who looked up appreciatively. On her way back, she made a point of passing by Joel.

Tess stood up and approached Y/n and Ellie, setting Joel off. “Hey. Hey!”

“Why-“ Tess started, throwing a hand up to Joel to stay put, “Why is she so important to you and Marlene? And don’t lie to me or we’ll take you both back.”

“You take us back,” Ellie answered for Y/n, “You don’t get your battery.”

“You heard that?” Tess scoffed, “Well, then you must’ve heard that he wants to shoot you.”

Y/n wanted her heart to break at the comment, but when she looked into Joel’s eyes, she saw nothing. Nothing.

“He also knows he dies if he does that,” Y/n retorted, staring down the man like she could burn a hole through him by sheer force of will.

Tess kneeled down in front of Ellie, “I’m gonna talk to you like you’re an adult, okay? Joel and I aren’t good people. We’re doin’ this for us because, apparently, you’re worth something. But we don’t know what you’re worth if we don’t know what we have. So answer my question.”

Y/n and Joel saw none of the conversation, their eyes were locked on one another like bulls locking horns.

Ellie, however, took Y/n’s advice. “There’s a Firefly base camp somewhere out west,” she confessed, “With doctors. They’re working on a cure.”

Absurdity won and Joel broke his stare first, “Mm-hm, I’ve heard this before.”

“And whatever happened to me,” Ellie continued, “Is the key.”

“Is the key to finding the vaccine,” Joel’s voice overlapped with hers, turning to Tess, “That’s what this is? We’ve heard this a million times. Vaccines, miracle cures. None of it works. Ever.”

“This time it’s different,” Y/n argued.

Ellie stood up, “Fuck you, man. I didn’t ask for this.”

“You and me both,” Joel retorted, “This isn’t gonna end well, Tess. We need to go back.”

“Oh, yes,” Y/n smiled a joyless smile, “Once again, Joel Miller’s making decisions for everyone. What a comfort.”

It was the first time she’d said his name in twenty years and it was doused in venom. It should have hurt.

Tess got to her feet and came to Joel, “Let’s just finish it. It doesn’t matter if she is or isn’t what the Fireflies say she is. If they believe that she is, then…we get what we want.”

Joel faced two realities; one in which Y/n’s words from the night before came true and his brother died because of his stubbornness, and one in which he risked his life for a group of radicals running on hope that would never come to fruition.

He sighed, “If she so much as twitches…”

Ellie began to choke and snarl, flailing her hands like one of the infected. It pressed all their buttons.

“Don’t,” Tess and Y/n said in synchronization.

Ellie stopped, nervously rubbing her neck, “Yeah, okay…”

“Okay?” Tess asked her partner.

Joel glanced between Y/n and Ellie, then sighed. “Okay.”

Without another word, Tess, Joel and Y/n began packing up their gear. Ellie followed their lead, spotting Joel’s rifle. “Can I have a gun?”

“Absolutely not,” Joel replied.

“No,” Tess said.

“Not happening,” Y/n finished.

“Okay, fine,” Ellie’s voice went higher, “I’ll have to throw a fuckin’ sandwich at them.”

Joel pushed the bookcase he’d used to barricade the door aside and peeked out the door. “It’s clear,” he reported.

Y/n walked ahead of Ellie and let the sun hit her. Boston had been cold lately and the warmth was a treat.

“Whoa,” Ellie whispered behind her, she’d never seen or felt the freedom being outside the Wall brought.

“Yeah, looks different in the daylight huh?” Tess said with an almost smile.

There was beauty interlaced with the destruction. Vines twined around crumbling buildings. Grass growing around deserted cars. People theorized the apocalypse would look like blood and destruction, but survival wasn’t so black and white.

“We should get movin’,” Joel said, breaking Y/n from the first near-pleasent thought she’d had all morning.

The four of them walked through the city in a row, Ellie tried to keep pace while also taking in her surroundings.

“It’s like a fucked up moon,” she observed, wandering to look at one of the explosion sites, “Is this where they bombed?”

“Yeah,” Tess answered, “They hit most of the big cities like this.”

Maybe Tess could talk about it with some degree of separation, but Y/n and Joel kept painfully silent. They’d seen the destruction and didn’t want to deal with Ellie’s marveling at it. As Tess stopped to explain history to the girl, they kept moving.

They all came to a pause when they saw their route blocked by the remnants of a building.

“So, the State House is across there,” Tess said, “It’s about a ten minute walk if you could go straight.”

“So?” Ellie questioned.

“Long way or short way?” Joel asked.

“I mean, it’s the long way or the “we’re fuckin’ dead” way,” Tess replied.

“Well, I vote long way, based on that limited amount of information,” Ellie spoke up, “Y/n?”

Y/n inhaled to give her opinion when Joel spoke up. “We should check it from the hotel first.”

“That hand’s not broken yet,” Y/n recalled, “I’d be happy to remedy that.”

“Okay,” Tess said, breaking up the fight and taking the first steps. For two people who had survived twenty years in an infectious wasteland using nothing but their survival skills, Y/n and Joel brought out the child in each other. Once upon a time, that had been a good thing. Now, each petty comment felt like throwing a plastic knife and expecting it to kill.

———————————

They’d been walking an hour when they got to the interstate. Tess and Ellie were at the front, while Y/n and Joel were moving slower and bringing up the rear.

The curse of knowing someone so well is that even if you despised them, there was still safety in being around them. Y/n still wanted to throttle Joel and he didn’t want to be in a hundred mile radius of her. But it was better to be in the company of an enemy you knew rather than one you didn’t. Hatred couldn’t one-up their history.

“What did Marlene mean when she said you weren’t ready?” Joel eventually inquired.

“None of your business,” Y/n grunted as she stepped over a stray tire.

“It is if you’re gonna be a liability,” Joel replied.

Y/n scoffed, “Marlene says a lot of things. She’s not always right.”

While it was true, Joel had been more than surprised that Y/n had raised her gun so effortlessly at him, he could read in between the lines. Y/n had never had good followthrough. The Cordyceps had forced them all to adapt, but he sincerely doubted she could take a necessary shot.

“Stop doing that,” Y/n snapped.

“Doing what?”

“Stop thinking you’ve got me figured out,” Y/n sneered, “You have no fucking idea who I am anymore.”

Joel simply scoffed, that was only a half truth.

“Okay, Cowboy Joe,” Y/n remarked, the nickname earning a glare, “I don’t remember you being so quick with the murder,” Y/n decided to hit a little harder, “Or the drugs. Or the smuggling.”

Joel threw his arm out in front of Y/n to stop her, “Would you have rather I let him shoot us?”

Y/n inched her face closer to Joel’s, “I’d rather you fucking forget that we ever knew each other, cause this,” she gestured between them, “Hasn’t mattered for twenty years. We do this, and then you can go back to dealing pills and shoveling shit,” she trembled with anger and lowered her voice, “And we will never, ever have to see each other again.”

Joel thinned the close proximity even more, the last time they’d been this close had been under much different circumstances. “It’s forgotten,” he growled.

“Good,” Y/n whispered, her lips pursed as she turned on her heel and marched off.

Denial was a hell of a thing, but forgetting what they’d meant to each other was going to take something much stronger…

“Everyone said the open city was crazy,” Ellie mused as Y/n and Joel caught up, “Like, swarms of Infected, running around everywhere.”

“Not exactly like that,” Joel commented.

“People who’ve never seen outside like to make up a lot of shit,” Y/n added.

“So there aren’t Super-Infected that explode fungus spores at you?” Ellie asked.

“Shit, I hope not,” Tess answered, at least she had a sense of humor about all this.

“Or ones with split-open heads,” Ellie continued to earn her education, “That see in the dark like bats?”

The adults fell silent, Tess and Joel shared a look before she glanced at Y/n. Between the three of them, they’d seen the full spectrum of the abilities Infected possessed.

Like a sick joke, a distant yell echoed through the open highway. There was nothing in sight and it was impossible to tell where it had come from.

“What was that?” Ellie asked.

Joel tensed up, “Let’s keep movin’.”

————————

Once they got to the hotel, they had to get in to the hotel.

Joel shoved open the once-automatic doors and they walked in. The place had flooded, the waters that filled the lobby a mossy green shade.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Ellie exclaimed, her eyes widening as she took it all in, “You ever stay in a place like this?

“Uh, no,” Tess answered, “A little out of our league.”

“Once,” Y/n followed, “School trip to Pennsylvania.”

“How do you even know what this is?” Joel asked.

“Have you ever heard of books?” Ellie shot back.

Joel stepped down into the water, letting the sass float past him.

Ellie suddenly became hesitant, “Wait, are we going in there?”

“Yeah, we gotta get to the stairwell on the other side,” Tess replied.

“Well, I, I don’t know how to swim,” Ellie said, nervous.

Joel watched, unimpressed, from the lobby steps. “Seriously?”

“Do you think we have pools in the QZ?” Ellie retorted.

“No, smart ass. I mean,” Joel threw a leg out and hopped off the last step. The water barely hit his thighs.

“I don’t know how I was supposed to know that,” Ellie mumbled, treading into the waters with Y/n behind her.

Joel and Y/n’s argument on the highway had left her quiet. She’d been forced to change to survive the new way of life, but the memories Joel’s mere presence brought up reminded her of who she used to be. How care free, how light, how enthusiastic she’d been…she’d taken a job at a hardware store just because she liked getting to talk to people. Her old self had just become another person to mourn.

She snapped back to reality, she refused to let Joel Miller, of all people, make her fee bad about who she was.

“Hey,” Tess spoke softly, “She’s a good kid.”

Y/n glanced up at Ellie, who was wading through the water to get to the check-in desk. She enthusiastically rang the bell, “Ding! Ding!”

“Yeah,” Y/n bit back a smile, “She is.”

“Yes, sir,” Ellie played, “I would like your finest suite please,” she deepened her voice, “Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to take your luggage? Yes, ma’am,” she took hold of the luggage cart, “Right away, ma’am.”

Joel, who had lost his sense of humor over a decade ago, was done with Ellie’s excitement. “You’re a weird kid,” he remarked.

“You’re a weird kid,” Ellie repeated, a body falling out from behind the cart, “Oh, fuck me!”

Joel and Y/n had their guns drawn and were rushing over. The two of them examined what turned out to be a skeleton. Joel nudged its skull sideways with his boot, like there was a chance it was still alive and kicking.

“Uh, sorry,” Ellie nervously smiled.

Joel extended a hand to pull her up, retracting it as soon as she was on her feet. He caught Y/n rolling her eyes at him as they walked off. At this point, she was convinced he was acting like an asshole purely because he could.

The group climbed the four flights of stairs, the adults huffing and puffing while Ellie stayed as unbothered as ever.

“Fuck, holy shit,” Tess panted.

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad,” Ellie remarked.

“You try climbing ten fuckin’ floors with our knees,” Tess replied, “See how you feel.”

Y/n and Tess drifted and fell back in line with their assigned partners. While Y/n was glad Ellie and Tess had found camaraderie, she was selfish enough to not want it to come at the expense of being stuck with Joel.

They came up on what should have been their walkway, but it was blocked by a barricade of bricks and cinderblock. Joel and Tess tried the doors on each side of them, no luck.

“All right,” Tess calculated their options, “Well, I mean, maybe I could climb up there. Work my way around and open it from the outside?”

Ellie stepped forward, “Uh, no, well, I’m the smallest, so it’d be easier for me to get through.”

Y/n was quick to grab Ellie’s backpack handle, “Yeah, that’s not happening. We know what’s out there, you don’t.”

That caught Joel’s attention. When had she been sneaking out of the QZ?

“Can you give me a hand?” Tess asked of her partner.

Y/n pulled Ellie back before Joel could move her out of the way. He helped Tess up and stepped back. “You good up there?”

“Yeah, it’s a bit of a mess,” Tess reported, “So I’m gonna need a few minutes.”

It turned out, removing Tess was like removing a safety barrier for them all. Joel and Y/n sat on opposite sides of the hall, trying to keep as much space between them as possible. Ellie pulled out her pocketknife and started casually flipping it.

“Nice knife,” Joel said, trying to be cordial. Y/n was getting whiplash from his mood swings. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

Ellie didn’t flinch in her retort, “The circus.”

Joel sighed, looking away from both of them. This was him trying to be somewhat friendly, though it still came off as being put out.

Ellie, on the other hand, was better at small talk. “Where are you from?”

“Texas,” Joel answered.

“Y/n said she knew your brother,” Ellie replied, “So you all lived in Texas?”

Y/n took a breath, Joel watched her. “That’s right,” he said.

“What about Tess?” Ellie asked.

“Detroit,” Joel answered, “It’s in Michigan.”

“I go to school,” Ellie shot back quickly, “I know where Detroit is.”

Silence fell again over the threesome, eagerly awaiting Tess’ return.

“So,” Ellie started talking again, “Are you two, like, a-“

“Pass,” Joel cut her off.

“How’d you end up in Boston?” Ellie pushed, it was becoming a game for her.

“Pass,” Joel answered, “No more questions about me.”

Clever as ever, Ellie found a work around. “Okay,” she turned to Y/n, “Were you and him a-“

“Nope,” Y/n said quickly, it was more a denial of an answer than an answer itself.

Ellie sighed, trying to think up something else. “How long do Infected live?”

Joel mockingly shook his head, “Oh, I thought you went to school.”

“It’s a really shitty one,” Ellie replied.

Joel smirked, he could appreciate the girl’s wit under different circumstances. It rivaled his own. “Well, some last about a month or two,” he answered, “But there’s other’s been walkin’ around ‘bout twenty years.”

“Ever kill one?” Ellie asked, still fiddling with her knife.

“Yeah, I killed lots of ‘em.”

Y/n stiffened, hoping if she stood still, the conversation would move right past her.

“Was it hard?” Ellie continued, “Like, knowing they were people once?”

It took all the strength Y/n still possessed to not let her emotions show. To not let the nightmares take her over. She didn’t have time for them.

No matter how hard they argued that they were strangers, Joel could sense her discomfort. Her experiences with Infected were one more thing he didn’t know about her now.

“Sometimes,” he said, watching Y/n as her eyes stayed closed in concentration.

“What about that guy last night?” Ellie kept going.

A well-timed thump excused Joel from answering, him and Y/n jumped to attention.

“You can put the gun down, Joel,” Tess grunted through the wall, straining to open one of the locked doors.

“Where to?” Y/n asked.

Tess’ grim expression led them out to the hotel’s balcony, she pulled back the vinyl curtain and let them walk out onto the terrace. Ellie gained traction on the ledge’s decor and climbed to the edge. Joel and Y/n ended up on each other’s side.

Y/n’s stomach dropped at the sight beneath her.

Dozens upon dozens upon dozens of Infected lay fifty feet below them in a heap. Their sickening shrieks bounced off the buildings as they crawled and thrashed aimlessly.

“There’s so many,” Ellie gasped.

“The last time we were here,” Tess said, “They were still deep inside the buildings. Then I guess enough people came through looking for the QZ, they went inside seeking shelter…and that’s how they get more and more of the city, bit by bit, every year.”

Y/n watched through dead eyes as the horde began to move as one. She hadn’t seen this many in a long time, long enough for the sight to feel fresh. She stopped listening to Ellie and Tess’s conversation and focused on her breathing to battle the nausea, in through the nose, out through the mouth…

Joel saw it all, and he knew better than to ask. Marlene was right; she wasn’t able to handle the journey on her own.

“So we’re not going that way,” were the first words Y/n could hear again.

“No,” Tess answered Ellie.

“What do we do then?” Ellie asked, her eyes widened with fear, “Short way?”

Tess and Joel shared a look, his hands fidgeted as he thought through their route. “Museum.”

—————

TYL Taglist: @bachiracore @stolenxkissess @kayleezra @the-wistful-reader @allthesesonsofbitches @goth-detectives365 @trippovert @rh1nestonecowg1rl @emiliaserpe @khaleesihavilliard @frietiemeloen @gracie7209 @dorck26 @thegirlnextdoorssister @alanis-altair @mariwinns16 @whosscruffylooking @endofthexline @alexiaricciardo @eonnyx @pedrosmexicangf @scarlettequinn @ao-sleepy @toinfinityandbeyonce2 @deanlovescassie @turmoil-ash @sorrowjunky @kpopslur @xxlilyxx90

Joel Miller Taglist: @xsnak-3x @xmoonknightlyx @simplybarnes @stolenxkissess @mandoshoney @alexiaricciardo @eonnyx @deanlovescassie @paintlavillered

[elorday]

AHH! from their rivalry from spectator sport to this sweet piece?? i'm in loveee

their rivalry, problems, jealousy over each other, and their girls being a matchmaker for them on their makeshift tent with a thai food in it? oh like shut up i love this i need moreee

“But it’s not just the Thai food. I really like you a lot, Joel. I like spending time with you. I like talking to you and arguing about whether a shitty romcom or shitty action movie is better. I like doing mundane shit with you, like putting up fairy lights in a fort to enhance our ‘fort experience’. I like cuddling with you. Has anyone ever told you that you’re basically a human furnace? Anyway, I hate the fact that our daughters had to make an elaborate scheme just to get us together. I wanna make more time for you, because you deserve it. But like, only if you also wanna spend more time with me,” you confessed. 

and oh the part where i giggle the most is when this one ‘can i kiss you’ part.

He paused for a moment as he seemed to process that information, only coming back with a quiet, “Can I kiss you?”

i'm a giggling mess.

clean sheet

pairing: joel miller x reader 

summary: nothing stirs the pot like your ex-husband, gossipy soccer moms, and a weekend-long soccer tournament. (part two of spectator sport)

word count: 7.7k

warnings: canon divergent: no apocalypse, implied past emotional abuse, jealousy/misunderstanding, kinda angsty in the beginning but verrrry fluffy at the end, insecurities, there was only one bed, mutual pining, sarah and chloe being menaces as usual

author’s note: this past week has been extremely rough. like, ao3 author’s note apologizing for being gone rough, so i’m just as surprised as you are that i was able to write 7,000 words of a part two to spectator sport. enjoy!

Keep reading

[elorday]

“Come on baby, you gonna make me beg?”

“I have half a mind to let you, love it when you beg.”

i feel flying.

Ache

Gif by @userkeery

Authors note: It's 3:30am and I am posting Joel smut because just like all of you, that show ruined me. It's literally pwp because.. well you all saw it. lol. Hope you enjoy! (Thanks to my wife for literally talking me through this @foli-vora)

Pairing: Young Joel Miller x F!Reader

Word count: 800

Warnings: 18+ no minors, piv sex, dirty talk, creampie, feelings? let me know if I missed any!

Masterlist

-

He walked through the door with an air of determination, his mouth seeking out yours with pure purpose. He licked into it, barely giving you time to close the door behind him.

“Someone’s happy to see me.” Your words come out breathy, his passion flowing through him and now into you as you’re herded towards your couch.

“Been thinkin’ bout you all day, couldn’t wait to get here.” He punctuates his words by grabbing a meaty handful of your ass, low enough to pull the lips of your sex apart and it makes you gasp into his mouth. 

“Jesus Joel-“ he doesn’t let you finish, his tongue fills your mouth again and all you can do is try to keep up, your hands find the gap between his shirt and his jeans and you sweep your hands up the broad expanse of his back—lifting it up and off relishing the golden skin on display for you now. 

He grins and then your shirt is off and tossed onto the floor, your bra joins it soon after and within a few minutes you’re both naked and on your couch, mouths fused together, sharing the same panted breaths. 

“I missed you too.” You thread your fingers into his dark hair, guiding him towards your breast and he gifts you with a groan from deep in his throat, his tongue eager on the stiff bud of your nipple. 

He hums his acknowledgement onto your breast before moving to the other and his desperation is currently hard and weeping against your hip, sliding against your skin with every movement but he doesn’t get to it. Instead he keeps a steady suck at your nipple, moving from one to the other until you open your thighs underneath him, hoping he’ll slip in to soothe the aching emptiness he’s created.

“Come on baby, you gonna make me beg?” You tug at the dark waves of his hair, gasping when he lets your nipple go with a pop.

“I have half a mind to let you, love it when you beg.” He kissed your sternum quickly before grasping his cock in hand, giving himself a few strokes against the slick pooled at your entrance. “You think she’s ready for me?” He bites his lip, drunk on the way your hips tilt up to help him. 

“Yes Joel, put it in already.” He laughs at your tone, his dark eyes lively and lust blown.

“Yes ma’am.” He slides in with a moan. The smile morphs into something almost unfocused as he pumps himself slowly in and out, coating himself in your liquid heat before he speeds up. 

The stretch of him is exquisite.

You’d thought about him all day, waited with baited breath from the moment he’d called during his break, knowing he’d have you wet and mewling for him just like he always does and yet this is so much better than your daydream. It’s always better.

He shifts, kneeling on the couch and pulling your hips up with him. His big, calloused hands hold onto your hips with a grip hard enough to bruise but it doesn’t matter because his cock is pressing up against something sacred, something that makes your eyes roll back, something that lights a fire in the base of your spine. And then it strikes like lightning, a scream and a wet clench and you're falling off the cliff.

“You’re not even gonna make me work for it huh?” He’s triumphant, proud of the way he’s made you see stars but it’s not enough for him, he speeds up, fucks you through your climax and just when you think you might pass out he’s pulling you up to wrap your arms around his neck, grinding his come deep. 

-

Your hands slide across the smooth skin of his back, enjoying the press of his lips in the crook of your neck. Your legs are tangled up together, a rare cool breeze envelops you both as you catch your breath and savor the afterglow. 

“Where’s Sarah today?” You press the tips of your fingers into the knots of his shoulders, wanting to take some of the pain he complains about away.

“She’s at—oh, fuck that’s nice—the Adlers, Jesus Christ, right there-“ he winces but leans into it, letting you work the ache away. “I should get goin’ soon.” 

“Am I ever gonna meet her?” It’s not an uncomfortable question, with the way things were going between the two of you it was only a matter of time.

“Actually, yes. My birthday’s comin’ up. Thought it would be nice if you came over then. You can meet my shithead brother Tommy too.” He pressed a kiss to your jaw, moving to find your mouth again before he inevitably had to go.

“I’d love to.” 

-

Tag list: @frannyzooey @greeneyedblondie44 @lola4pedro @ezrasbirdie @221bshrlocked @artsymaddie @supernaturalgirl20 @sleep-tight1 @wheresarizona @sherala007 @marydjarin @cannedsoupsucks @thirstworldproblemss @ilikechocolatemilkh @freeshavocadoooo @hrk-fic-recs @greeneyedblondie44 @maxwell--lord @princessxkenobi @the-feckless-wonder @kirsteng42 @thisshipwillsail316 @feministfanboi @stevie75 @readsalot73 @pedrostories @tobealostwanderer @mandocrasis @elegantduckturtle @diogodxlot @alczysz17 @evyiione @absurdthirst @beskarboobs @andruxx @littlemissoblivious @1800-fight-me @maievdenoir @gracie7209 @omlwhatamidoinghere @magikfanatic @frankiecatfish @mrs-ghuleh @pedritoispunk @studythoreauly @missswriter @pintsizemama @mswarriorbabe80 @a-trial-run-on-paper @la-le-lu @chickadee-djarin @dobbyjen @rosiefridayrogersunday @ajeff855 @johnsrevelation @the-witty-pen-name @zombiesnips-blog @quica-quica-quica @sarahjkl82-blog @fan-of-encouragement @queenofthecloudss @mandosmistress @deadhumourist @felicisimor @no-droids-on-sunday @sophiefatale2495 @toomanystoriessolittletime @what-iwish-you-knew @pedrostories @athalien @bi-thewayy @pedrosbrat @gamingaquarius @localddreamers @luxmundee @iamafadedmoon @nakhudanyx @littlemisspascal @grogusmum @recklessworry @heyitmelexie @killyspinacoladas @gothicxbarbie @evildxad @dragonslarimar @spideysimpossiblegirl @chemtrail-mix @maievdenoir @breezythesimp @altarsw @artooies-scream @staygolddindjarin @lorosette @softsweetedbeauty @littlemisspascal @yuiopiklmn @squidwell @allthatsleftbehind @just-blogging-around @bbyanarchist @girlofchaos @maddiedrmr @frasmotic @acourtofsnakes @buckybarneshairpullingkink @astoryisaloveaffair @harriedandharassed @swtaura @evelynseventyr @send-me-to-valhalla @shirks-all-responsibilities @androah @alwaysachorusgirl @dindjarinsmut @captain-jebi @gallowsjoker @oliviajdjarin @actuallyanita @tusk89 @dadbodfanatic-x some people who I think might like this; @the-ginger-hedge-witch @write-and-buried

[elorday]

“Hey are you guys fucking up there?!” she hollered, “Don’t go traumatizing children here!” She then added in a hushed tone as she rummaged through her backpack, “You should be.” Ellie snickered to herself as she imagined the flustered looks on your faces. 

ellie, as sarcastic as usual and interrupting their romantic time is making me scream like ellie my darling why do you have to interrupt them.

Lighting Fires

Joel Miller x gn!reader (no use of y/n)

Word count-1.7k

Warnings- fighting infected,clickers get their own warning lol, mutual pining, so much pining, fluff, a sassy Ellie, badass reader, protective!Joel (of course lol)

Notes- While this fic is not explicit, my blog still remains 18+ only so minors please do not interact! This idea came to me in a dream and it reminds me of the feeling I had while playing the game! Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Reblogs/follows/asks highly appreciated!!

To stay up to date on when I post also follow my update blog and turn on post notifications @flightlessangelwings-updates​

~

“Run!”

Joel’s voice echoed over the haunting sound of the clickers in the distance. You, Joel and Ellie tried to make your way as quietly as possible in hopes that the three of you would make it through the city without being seen, but that quickly fell apart. A group of runners and clickers appeared out of nowhere and before any of you could scrabble and hide, you were spotted.

So the plan instantly shifted from stay undetected to run for your life.

Keep reading

[elorday]

OH MY GOD THIS IS MY FAVOURITE BY A LOT! all the flashbacks, chaos, and their stories together is so interesting to be dive in.

and how joel and tommy start to calling her ‘rosebud’. joel mumbling ‘rosebud’ something on his sleep and ellie and y/n took it as a code is so cool.

i really can't wait for the next one!

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Two

Chapter Two: Strangers in the Night

Plot: Joel and Y/n try their hardest to ignore and avoid their past while waiting on the cover of night to leave the QZ.

Warnings: M for violence, gore, language, allusions to sex, alcohol, unwanted advances (16+)

Word Count: 6.9k

A/N: Okay, let me just say, did not expect such a big reaction to this little 2.2k fic I thought up randomly. You guys wanted a series, so here’s a series. It’ll be 16+ from here so please specify your age in your bio if you’d like to be tagged. I’m really excited to write this one, hope y’all enjoy it! It's gonna be a wild frickin' ride...

——————————

May 9th, 2002, Austin Texas

It was unseasonably warm for spring in Austin. Summer was making an early entrance and driving everyone indoors. The bars were packed each night, but especially on the weekends. Something about the heat always inspired people to drink more.

The Miller brothers were seated at a table in the far corner of Dane’s, each nursing a Budweiser. Despite it being a Saturday, they’d worked overtime on a garage apartment conversion. It was in Joel’s neighborhood and he needed the money. Jobs hadn’t been ripe for picking lately, in going the extra mile with the clients he did have, he could bank on a few referrals.

“We’re runnin’ short on the 2x4s,” Joel told his brother, “And it wouldn’t hurt to-“

“Dude,” Tommy made a slicing motion with his hand, “You’re off the clock. Switch off for a while.”

“I’m just trying to get ahead,” Joel replied.

Tommy smiled, lounging in his chair, “Look, you’ve got two modes: work mode and dad mode. And guess what? You never come out of either. It’s a Friday night, you’ve got a sitter, why not just try being a single, not-offensively unattractive, guy?”

Joel’s eyebrows were permanently furrowed, especially around conversations like this. Tommy meant well, but he’d been trying to get Joel to find something outside of work and his daughter for years. It wasn’t happening.

“So you’re sayin’ I should focus less on keeping a roof over my daughter’s head and makin’ sure she’s happy?” Joel asked, leaning back in his chair, “I get that right?”

Tommy chuckled and shook his head, “I’m just saying…you’re gettin’ more and more like an old man the longer you’re by yourself. Wouldn’t hurt to find someone that makes you happy.”

It was easy to ignore Tommy’s ramblings, but Joel couldn’t deny there was some truth to what he was saying. After Sarah’s mom up and left them, he kept his heart guarded from the world. Sarah and Tommy were the only ones he had the space to love. No, not the space. He had all the capacity in the world to hold someone else close to his soul, he was just too afraid of getting hurt again.

A few feet away at the bar, Y/n twirled her wine glass in her hand. Navigating a new city and a new job was taking it out of her. There had been no catalyst in her decision to move to Austin. She wasn’t running from a bad relationship nor did she need space from her family, she’d just wanted a change. So far, aside from the random heat wave, she was enjoying herself. The people were friendly, the neighborhood was quiet…she could see herself eventually calling the place home.

As she enjoyed her own company, a muscly man approached the seat next to her. He didn’t even do her the courtesy of asking if it was taken.

He flashed a pearly smile at Y/n, “Havin’ a good night?”

“Mm-hm,” she nodded, not looking up from her glass.

“Haven’t seen you around here,” the man continued, “You new to town?”

Y/n politely smiled, wishing he’d taken the hint. “Sure.”

“Findin’ your way around alright,” he put his elbows on the bar, indicating he wasn’t going anywhere, “Or are you thinkin’ you need a tour guide? Someone to show you around? Help make you feel a little more comfortable?”

Y/n was fighting the urge not to laugh, she’d seen dogs in heat more subtle than this guy. “I’m doing fine on my own, thanks,” she replied, her will to smile fading with each second he stayed.

“I don’t know,” the guy dragged his fingers up and down the condensation on his beer bottle, “You seem a little lost to me, darlin’. I got a hog outside, we could head out…night scene’s pretty wild here.”

Y/n took another sip of her wine, “Not really a wild kind of gal.”

The man’s lingering stare was beginning to make Y/n’s skin crawl. It was like he was staring straight through her clothes. He leaned in to her, his arm grazing hers, as if the close proximity was imperative to what he was about to say.

“I got this theory that inside every woman,” he lowered his voice, “There’s a wild girl just waitin’ to come out. She just needs the right cowboy,” he paused, a smile spreading across his lips, “To let her loose.”

Concealing her annoyance, Y/n looked down at her glass bashfully. She peeked back up out of her eyelashes, “What’s your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

“Jacob,” she repeated sweetly, leaning in closer to him, “Going around trying to prove how big your dick is ain’t gonna make any woman want to touch it.”

Jacob pulled back a little, shocked at both the comment and how easily being foul mouthed came to this woman. Y/n scrunched her nose and gave a sugary smile before moving to get up from her stool.

Jacob grabbed her shoulder, not prepared to lose the battle. “Hang on there, sweetheart.”

“Let go of me,” Y/n was quick to say.

“I don’t think you quite understand what I’m offerin’ you here…”

“Let,” Y/n gritted her teeth, raising her voice slightly, “Go of me.”

Jacob began to close the space between their faces, “What’re you gonna do if I ain’t ready to say goodbye to ya yet?”

“Hey.”

Y/n turned to the two men who had approached while she was fending Jacob off. The one with the mustache swung his fist and landed a shiner on Jacob’s nose. The whole bar gasped as he stumbled backwards, clutching his now bleeding face. The mystery man placed an arm in front of Y/n, making himself the barrier between Jacob’s advances and her safety.

Once Jacob caught his footing, revealing just how tipsy he was, he clumsily stalked back towards them. The second man stepped forward and effortlessly threw a punch to Jacob’s abdomen, knocking him off his feet and to the ground. The other patrons actually clapped and cheered at the knockout.

The man shielding Y/n and his friend grabbed Jacob’s arms and pulled him to his knees. Dane, the owner, came out from around the counter and marched towards the door. The men dragged Jacob through the bar, taking no care to his hands and feet as they knocked into chairs and tables. With Dane holding the door open, they threw him out, earning another round of cheers from the bar.

Y/n watched it all with a hand over her mouth. The whole thing had left her more anxious than she cared to admit.

Her two saviors made their way through the room, earning pats on the back from most of the patrons.

“Are you okay?” The man with the mustache asked when they reached her.

“Yeah,” Y/n answered, trying to hide how her hands was shaking, “Are you?”

“Not the worst we’ve seen,” the clean shaven guy smiled, flexing his bruised hand, “But I think you’re gonna have to take a shower to get that creep’s touch off ya.”

Y/n chortled, the feeling of his fingers digging into her skin hadn’t left yet. “I’m really sorry you had to step in,” she said earnestly, “I’m not great with following through on my smack talk.”

“Nah, you were holding your own,” the cheerier of the two men laughed.

“Hey, can I buy you guys a round?” Y/n asked, “It’s the least I can do.”

“There’s no need,” the quieter guy shook his head.

“No, I want to,” Y/n insisted, looking between the two of them.

The one who had done most of the talking so far was the first to relent. “Fine, but we’re spotting your next glass. Just to try and restore the ever-deteriorating reputation of men.”

Y/n laughed heartily for the first time of the night. She liked them.

“Hey, Dane,” the talkative man flagged down the bartender and turned to Y/n, “What’re you drinking?”

Y/n held up her dwindling glass of rosé.

“Another rosé for the rosebud,” the man finished, winking at Y/n in a way that felt more playful than flirtatious, “I’m Tommy, by the way.”

“Y/n,” she took his extended hand and shook it before turning to the other man.

“Joel,” he pressed his palm to hers.

Y/n smiled, her eyes lingering on the man as they shook hands. There was a peace to him that she already knew she liked.

Y/n ended up at Tommy and Joel’s table, each of them sipping a victory drink and talking up a storm. It was one of the easiest conversations any of them had ever had.

“So you just picked up one day and,” Tommy made a swooping gesture, “Came to Austin?”

Y/n shrugged, “Just needed a change.”

Tommy whistled, “That’s brave.”

“I mean, it’s Austin,” Y/n chuckled, “It’s not New York,” she took a sip of the free rosé, “What about you two?”

“Nah, we’ve been here forever,” Joel answered, holding his beer to his lips.

Tommy raised his bottle to his brother, “Can’t even get this fucker to take a vacation somewhere.”

“Workaholic or homebody?” Y/n asked.

Joel was inhaling to answer when Tommy spoke up, “Both.”

“Nothin’ wrong with working hard or staying home,” Joel replied, throwing back a swig.

“Nah,” Tommy replied, smirking, “Only when you do it.”

Joel glared out the sides of his eyes at his brother. Y/n laughed against the rim of her glass.

“Well,” Tommy leaned against the table, “If you ever need a tour guide, we’re at your disposal. We’ll show you the real grimy hole in the wall places. Best food or beer in the city are always in the places you’d least expect it.”

Contrary to Jacob’s thinly veiled advances, Y/n took Tommy and Joel for exactly how they presented themselves. They were funny, they were gentlemanly, and they were the first people in Austin she’d met who she felt truly comfortable around.

Joel, who was naturally more quiet than his brother, had never felt more lost for words. He was trying to keep himself in check considering the happenstance of their meeting, but all he wanted to do was look at Y/n. When she laughed, something inside his stomach twisted. When their eyes met, his chest tightened. There was something about being around this girl that felt very, very different than anyone else.

“Well,” Y/n checked her watch, catching the late hour, “I’ve got the morning shift tomorrow and I can’t be too hungover. Thank you both for the company and the wine,” she smiled at Joel, “It was a big improvement on how the night started.”

“Yeah, we’d better go too,” Joel announced, rising to his feet with Tommy, “Gotta get a head start tomorrow before the storm moves in.”

Tommy gestured to his big brother, smiling at Y/n, “What’d I tell you?”

“I gotta side with your brother here,” Y/n smiled, scrunching her face a little, “Everyone needs a break. That’s kinda what weekends are for”

“See?” Tommy said, “Maybe you’ll listen to her.”

Joel was on the verge of busting out in to a grin. “Not my problem if you two are lazy,” he shot back.

Y/n and Tommy each gaped with laughter. Joel smiled, he’d wanted to hear her laugh one more time before they parted.

“Well, you two have restored the name of ‘men’ quite admirably,” Y/n grabbed her purse, “Thank you for what you did, really. If you hadn’t stepped in, tonight would have ended much worse.”

Tommy shook his head, “Don’t mention it. Just learn how to throw a punch,” he slapped his hand against Joel’s shoulder, “And I think we’ll both sleep better at night.”

“I’ll get on that,” Y/n chuckled. She wasn’t sure if it was the kinship she felt or the rosé had simply relaxed her, but she reached over to Tommy and gave him a one-armed hug.

“See ya around, Rosebud,” Tommy said, keeping his hand respectfully high up on her shoulders.

“See ya,” Y/n replied, pulling back to look at Joel. She wasn’t sure what she expected to happen, only that she wanted to memorize his face before she left. “Goodnight,” she said with a small smile.

Joel tried to ignore how his heart was thudding in his chest. “‘Night,” he replied.

His eyes followed her all the way to the door, till she stepped out into the steamy evening air. He wasn’t sure why he had to urge to follow her.

“You,” Tommy gripped Joel’s shoulder a little tighter, “Are fucked.”

Joel rolled his eyes at his little brother’s laughter, “The hell’re you talking about?”

Tommy fell back down in his chair, a hand resting on his chest, “You were fuckin’ smitten with her.”

“‘Smitten?’” Joel cringed, taking his seat and his beer, “What’re you, 14?”

“Fine, hot for, taken with, enamored, mesmerized,” Tommy chuckled, “Whatever you wanna call it…you liked her.”

Joel shrugged and took another drink, “‘Course I liked her. You liked her too.”

“Not like you,” Tommy shook his head, still grinning, “I think she liked you too.”

Pushing down the way his stomach jumped when Tommy said that, he glanced over at the door again. He looked back to the table, checking to see if she’d left anything. Maybe she’d have to come back. What would he do if she did? Would he ask for her number? Or was that too forward? He didn’t want anything he did to remind her at all of the asshat they’d tossed out-

“She didn’t leave anything, dude.”

Tommy’s voice brought Joel out of his thoughts. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been staring at Y/n’s empty seat. There was no reason for her to come back.

“You’re fucked,” Tommy brought the conversation full circle, patting his brother’s shoulder and taking a drink.

Joel hid his disappointment, just like his infatuation; well, but not well enough. He looked down at his bottle, “Doesn’t matter. We’re not gonna see her again.”

Tommy shrugged, “Austin ain’t that big.”

Outside, Y/n was making the three minute walk down the street to her apartment complex. Her mind was no longer focused on the douche whose name she was already forgetting, all she could think of was how Joel smiled like he had a secret. How his laughter was reserved only for when he found something hilarious. How whether he was sitting beside his brother or punching out a handsy creep, he was completely relaxed. How his brown eyes were so warm, one gaze into them had given her goosebumps…

Y/n shook her head at herself, completely thrown for a loop. One encounter with one guy and she felt like there was some invisible string tugging harder with every inch of distance she put between herself and the bar. The chances of bumping into Tommy and Joel again in a city as big as Austin were slim. It was a reality she had to face. It was just one of those meetings that left you feeing like you’d experienced true magic. She was saddened at the thought of never sitting across from Joel again.

Into the night, with a total distance of seven minutes unbeknownst between them, Joel and Y/n each retired and prepared for their respective early mornings. Joel paid the neighbor who’d watched Sarah, Y/n called and checked in on her sister, who’d just had a baby. Joel kissed his daughter goodnight, Y/n finished up a load of laundry. They each changed into their pajamas, brushed their teeth, and turned out the lights. It was then, in the sweet space between sleep and consciousness that they let their minds drift back to each other….

—————————

2023, Boston

Of course it was raining. Rain made everything easier.

Joel, Tess, Y/n and Ellie trudged through the streets of what was once downtown Boston. Y/n kept a hand on Ellie’s back at all times, untrusting of both the people around them and the ones they were traveling with.

Even with the utter chaos they were in the middle of, Y/n’s mind was overtaken by the holes being burned into the back of her head. Joel’s stare was unfaltering. She wanted to turn around and scream at him, but that would garner the attention they were trying so hard not to attract. That was fine, she had more than enough anger and more than enough time to let him feel it.

Joel, whose every move was made with vigilante like precision, was struggling to keep his thoughts in order. The past was so easy to put behind you when you never had to look at it. Faced with the person who knew it all, had seen it all…the second he’d laid eyes on Y/n, it had all come flooding back. He had to get himself in check. Y/n’s unfiltered hatred was helping him there.

They made it to Joel and Tess’ apartment without any trouble, the four of them filing down the narrow hallway. Y/n pulled as far away from Joel as possible while they waited for Tess to unlock the door, which wasn’t very far. Once it was open, Joel impatiently waved for Ellie to enter, saving the same glare for Y/n. Ellie entered apprehensively, while Y/n knew enough to know that they were Joel and Tess’ leverage. Without them, they couldn’t get their battery. They were safe, for the time being.

“Give us a minute, all right?” Tess stated more than asked, heading back out to the hall.

“What the fu-“ Ellie started, the door silenced the last two letters.

Y/n put a finger to her lips, standing beside the door and listening to the other side of the door. Tess and Joel were discussing which route to take, something that infuriated her. There was only one child in their party, she refused to let Joel make her anything other than an equal.

She threw down her backpack and threw the door open. “If you two are planing on excluding me from the planning side of things, let me know now so I can strangle you both,” she said, smiling sweetly.

“You wanna tell us what we’re really doing with this kid?” Tess fired back.

“Not particularly,” Yn replied.

“Then you don’t get a voice here,” Tess looked to Joel, “We leave after dark. Stay with them.”

Joel took a step forward as his partner walked off, “Wait, why do I have to — Tess! Tess!”

Tess turned the corner of the hall without ever breaking stride.

Joel sighed loudly, eventually looking over to Y/n.

“She’s lovely,” Y/n snarked, earning a signature Miller scowl.

Joel nodded towards the door and Y/n slipped back inside, he kept an overly safe distance between them. Y/n unzipped her backpack and grabbed her first aid kit, sitting down at Joel’s table to tend to her bullet wound. Joel shrugged off his pack and threw himself on the couch. Ellie was splitting the distance between them, holding a large book in her hands.

“So,” the girl started, “Who’s Bill and Frank?”

Joel looked up confused, as if he couldn’t imagine how she could have possibly heard anything from the other side of the door.

“Oh, come on, Tool Time,” Y/n chortled, as she opened the bottle of disinfectant, “This whole place is paper thin.”

“The radio’s a smuggling code, right?” Ellie asked, “60s song, they don’t have anything new. 70s, they got new stuff. What’s 80’s?”

Joel got off the couch and ripped the book out of Ellie’s hands, throwing it to the side. He glanced over at Y/n, who was struggling to keep her grunts quiet as she cleaned her wound. A twinge of pain ran through his chest as she scrunched up her face, trying to keep her breaths steady. His fingers automatically twitched to help her, but it wouldn’t actually help anyone. Instead, he fought his instincts walked back to the couch and laid down.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asked.

“Killin’ time,” Joel said, his drawl particularly noticeable.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure that out,” his eyes were already closed, just like the conversation.

Y/n began to use a q-tip to spread antiseptic cream over the wound, the cooling sensation dulling the pain.

Ellie took back the book and walked past Joel, “Your watch is broken.”

Four little words froze Y/n, hunched over the table with her supplies. She didn’t have to look to know that Joel’s eyes were open again. It was the second time today that they’d been perfectly in sync. The first was pulling their guns on one another and, to be honest, Y/n would have preferred to stare down the barrel of his pistol. Bullets were simple and easy to dodge, memories were more cunning and hurt significantly more.

Y/n finished dressing her wound, zipping the kit back up and throwing it in her backpack. She laid her jacket out to dry on the back of the chair and finally took a good look at her surroundings. She couldn’t have chosen a place more opposite to Joel’s 3-bed 3-bath in Austin. The floors creaked, the walls were stained, and the ceilings were uncomfortably low. Home was a fluid concept in the world they lived in, and the kind Y/n was thinking of was lost entirely.

“He’s fun,” Ellie grunted from her seat at the window.

Y/n scoffed, “You have no idea.”

If they’d be using the cover of night to travel, Y/n knew Joel had the right idea to sleep now. She pulled out a sweater from her backpack, bunched it up and set it on the ground across from the couch. Without any blankets, she made the call that a nearby rug would be the next best thing. She shook it out and placed it below the sweater.

“Try and get some sleep,” Y/n instructed Ellie, “You’re gonna need it.”

Ellie simply hummed and continued paging through the book. Y/n slipped under the dirty rug and sighed, she’d slept in worse places for much longer…

She took the moment of peace to finally take a good look at Joel. His eyebrows still furrowed as he slept, as if he was in a constant state of disapproval with the world. The rest of his face was softer, a strange contrast, but so very him. His chest rose and fell in a perfect rhythm. It was hard for Y/n not to remember how it felt to lay with her ear against his heart, lifting and lowering with him…

The QZ was small, and stories got around. Y/n had known for a while that Joel was in Boston. She’d also heard the stories of the things he’d done, the people he’d killed, and just how far he’d go to guarantee his survival. Despite not owing him anything, Y/n had refused to believe them. She adamantly denied the possibility that she could have ever loved a man capable of such hideous acts. The Cordecyps had changed them all in different ways, but she had to believe that Joel was still Joel…

————————————

“Hey.”

A mumble and a boot kick to the shoulder had Y/n startling awake. She rolled over to see Ellie, still sitting by the window with the book in her lap.

“How do you know him?”

Y/n squinted and sat up, her joints cracking as she stretched her limbs. The sky outside was pitch black, clearly she’d needed more sleep than she thought.

“He’s an…” she began to say, the complexity of the situation hitting her all over again. There was only one answer to give that wouldn’t invite any more questions. “I was friends with his brother a long time ago.”

Ellie’s seemed to accept it, “Where’re you from?”

“Texas.”

The girl’s eyes widened, “You lived in Texas?”

“Just for a little while,” Y/n replied, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes,

Ellie looked down at her hands and then out the window, “I’ve never been out that far.”

Y/n sighed, thinking about what it might be like to grow up never having known what the world used to be like. “You’re not missing much, kid,” she lied. She’d have gone back to Austin in a heartbeat, if it was at all possible.

“What’s ‘rosebud?’”

Y/n’s body went cold, as if she’d just been plunged into ice water, memories slamming into her like waves. A glass of rosé and belly laughter, a backyard game of football, soft lips whispering sweet nothings against her ear…

She looked over at Ellie calmly, “What?”

The girl nodded towards Joel, who was still peacefully sleeping. “He kept mumbling the word ‘rosebud,’” she replied, “Thought maybe it was a code word or something.”

It did serve as a codeword, containing secrets, laughter, and all the love that had once existed in Y/n’s world. Now the mere utterance cut her worse than any blade could.

“If it is,” Y/n got to her feet, not wanting to be anywhere near the word, “I don’t know what it means.”

Joel woke then, startling without any real physicality. He stared up at the ceiling, dazed from his dreams. No, nightmares. That’s what they were.

“You mumble in your sleep,” Ellie said, announcing her presence, “Something about ‘rosebud.’”

If that didn’t wake him up, nothing could. His eyes flitted across the room, looking for the woman who owned every inch of the word. When Joel couldn’t find her, he pushed up on one arm and found her sitting at his kitchen table with her back turned to him.

In his subconscious, he’d seen her as she used to be. Her eyes full of light, her smile like pure sunshine, laughter pouring out of her with a freedom so few people allowed themselves. He’d felt her soft skin against his, felt her lips pressed to his jawline, right between his neck and his ear. He’d known her for the first time in twenty years, only to wake up and find her ghost.

Joel swung his legs over the couch and rose, his knees and back aching. Getting older in a post-apocalyptic world felt extra cruel. He ventured over to the table, ready to test the waters and see just how bad of a time he was in for.

Y/n sighed in annoyance as Joel took the chair next to her. She needed distance she wasn’t going to get, from him and all that he reminded her of.

They sat in the most awkward silence either of them had ever known.

Joel was the first to break it, “You get some sleep?”

Y/n glared out the corner of her eyes at him, the first words he spoke to her after their confrontation and that was the first thing he said?

Joel’s chest tightened at her poisoned stare, he wasn’t going to get an answer. “Wound okay?”

“This whole thing’ll go a lot easier if you stop pretending to give a shit about me,” Y/n said quietly, the sharpness of her tone cutting through the volume, “We both know you don’t.”

The walls weren’t coming down. Joel knew that. He didn’t want them down. But after seeing her, full of energy and joy, he had to check and see if there was any bit of that woman left. His eyes scanned her skin, so many scars and scrapes where there had once been a smooth surface. Her hair was dry, streaks of oil laced like highlights through the strands. Her nails were chipped and caked with dirt underneath. But most noticeably, there were two prominent frown lines across her cheeks. That let Joel know that the woman he’d once loved was absolutely gone.

“What happened to Tommy?” Y/n asked. She couldn’t help herself, but she kept her tone frosty.

“Sent a message three weeks back,” Joel answered, his fist fidgeting against the table, “Haven’t heard anything.”

Y/n didn’t want to take any strolls with Joel down memory lane, but Tommy was…Tommy. She couldn’t deny that she still cared about him deeply. “Do you know where he is?”

“Wyoming,” Joel answered, looking past her eyes at the wall. He didn’t think he could handle speaking about his brother to her, of all people.

“Oh,” she said, “So you’re completely crazy now.”

That earned her a hardened gaze, as if Joel had anything else for her.

“I’ve never been on the other side of the Wall,” Ellie spoke up, “Look how dark it is.”

Y/n got up first, smoothing her tank top back down and leaning against the wall near the door. Joel followed, retaking his seat on the couch. They both pondered the same thing separately: how much life Ellie had missed out on just by being born in the wrong decade.

“You guys go out there a lot?” Ellie asked Joel.

“I guess,” he answered.

“When was the last time?”

“Maybe a year,” Joel quickly replied, he wasn’t enjoying all the questions, “What’s it matter?”

“But you know where to go,” Ellie clarified, looking too much like a kid, “So we’re gonna be okay.”

It was a fair question, and Joel couldn’t fault her for being scared. Fear was all she’d ever known.

“Yeah,” he answered, significantly softer than his last one.

Y/n’s eyes grazed the window, spotting the plastic butterfly that clung to the glass. After all these years, Joel had managed to keep it. It took all the self-discipline she had not to let her tears fall.

“So what’s the deal with you anyway,” Joel asked Ellie, “You some kind of bigwig’s daughter or somethin’?”

Both Ellie and Y/n knowingly smirked to themselves. “Something like that,” Ellie replied, “Oh, the radio came on while you were sleeping.”

“What?” Joel snapped to attention, leaning forward, “What was the song?

“He kept sayin’ like, “wake me up before you go-go?” Ellie answered, making Y/n and Joel feel much much older.

Joel knew what that meant, and it was nothing good. “Shit,” he whispered to himself.

Ellie’s smirk spread across her face, “Gotcha. 80’s means trouble. Code broken.”

Joel got to his feet, having used his patience up earlier in the day. “Listen-“

Y/n was between him and Ellie in a flash, sticking out a hand towards Joel. She was off limits, even for a light scolding. Luckily, the door opened up before anything could be said. Tess had returned.

“The spot under Lancaster looks good,” she reported, turning to Ellie after, “You got a jacket in your pack?”

“Yeah,” Ellie responded.

“Okay, get it. It’s time to go.”

Y/n stuffed her sweater back in backpack and went to retrieve her now-dry jacket. It had been a long time since she’d gone outside of the QZ, she couldn’t decide whether she was terrified or happy to step outside the fence.

Joel on the other hand felt like he couldn’t move. Between the fear over his brother’s safety, being close to Y/n once again and the daunting task ahead of them, he wanted to pause it all for a moment. Tess throwing his jacket at him was a good reminder that he didn’t get to take minutes.

As Y/n went to the window to check Ellie, her eye caught the butterfly in the window again. Much like ‘Rosebud,’ there was another name that she never said. She could practically see it weaved into the fine details of the creature, the bright blue against the dark black. When Joel’s back was turned. Y/n pulled the cling off the window and shoved it in her backpack. If they were going to do this, she needed to feel strong enough to do it. She’d give it back to Joel and face his wrath when the deed was done.

The four of them made it out and into the underground tunnels, landing in a lesser frequented area of the QZ. Joel climbed out first and scanned their surroundings, helping to pull Ellie out after. Y/n came through next, though Joel knew better than the extend his hand to her, and finally, Tess.

“Holy shit,” Ellie remarked, spinning around to take it all in, “I’m actually outside.”

Not half a second later, a helicopter made its round over them, searchlights shining off it. Tess pulled Ellie in and crouched behind a large piece of debris.

“Okay, we’re gonna take the left edge around the buffer zone,” Tess explained, “You stay close and you follow my lead.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Ellie nodded in understanding, glancing over to Y/n as if to get approval. Y/n nodded back, placing momentary trust that Tess would protect the girl.

“Same goes for you,” Joel said from beside her, his voice low.

Y/n glared over her shoulder, “I really don’t think you want me where you can’t see me.”

“Let’s go,” Tess ordered.

The four of them crawled under an abandoned school bus with Joel bringing up the rear. Walking while crouched was hard, but they managed their best and paused behind a car when a FEDRA patrol vehicle passed by. Once it was clear, they made their way through a rusted, metal pipe, stopping when the chopper passed over them again. Y/n caught a peek at Ellie’s face as the light shone on them, she looked terrified. Through her own nerves, Y/n reached over and took Ellie’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Joel watched the whole thing, if he wanted a glimpse of the woman he’d once known, he’d gotten it. Her heart was still there.

Their team hurried out of the pipe, rushing to hide behind another big piece of debris. A storm was starting, the lightning acting as temporary lighting for their path. Joel was leading the way when their presence was detected.

“Hey,” a FEDRA soldier shouted, “Hey! Don’t, don’t, don’t move.”

Joel hurriedly looked around for more, pushing Ellie behind him. He held his hands up in surrender, along with Y/n, Ellie and Tess. If they wanted to get out of this, they needed to play along.

The FEDRA soldier opened the visor of his helmet, getting a look at Joel. “You gotta be shittin’ me…”

“Okay, let’s talk this out,” Joel said calmly.

“Turn around,” the soldier ignored him.

“Hold on-“

“Get on your fuckin’ knees,” the soldier yelled, “Get on your fuckin’ knees!”

Joel wasn’t giving up, “Now, hold on-“

“What did I fuckin’ tell you, man? I said stay the fuck home,” he pointed to the ground, “Get on your knees!”

Y/n knew if he fought any harder, he was going to get them all killed. Taking matters into her own hands, she dropped. “Ellie,” she said calmly, “Get down.”

“Just get on your knees,” Tess said to Joel, “Just get on your knees.”

Joel listened and kneeled between Ellie and Tess, turning his back to the soldier. Ellie finally followed Yn’s directions and got down next to Y/n.

“Listen, you let us do this run,” Tess bargained, “We’ll split the cards with you.”

The soldier wasn’t having it, “Oh, will you?”

Y/n’s breaths quickened, knowing their chances of escape were slim. There had to be something to do. If she gave herself up, would he let Tess and Joel leave with Ellie? She didn’t particularly feel like dying, but Ellie was too important to compromise. They could get her the rest of the way.

“Hands on your head, eyes forward,” the soldier instructed. It was the eyes forward bit that bothered Joel the most. They wanted to control what they couldn’t even see.

“Hands on your head,” the soldier screamed, startling them all into doing it. He came up behind Tess, holding a device to her neck. Checking to see if they were infected.

Y/n’s heart stopped in her chest. Shit.

“Really, man?” Tess complained.

The soldier was undeterred, “Yep, we’re doin’ this by the book.”

Ellie nudged Y/n with her boot, signaling she knew what was coming. Y/n wasn’t sure how to offer her any assurance that they’d be okay.

“Unauthorized exit,” the soldier reported, “They’ll hang you for that.”

“Fine,” Joel tried again, “Everythin’ off this run and half off of all the pills.”

Their voices faded in Y/n’s ears. If she could move quick enough, she could spin around and shoot the soldier before he knew what was happening. It would give Tess and Joel a few seconds to get away.

Before Y/n could make a decision, Ellie stole her move and stabbed the soldier in the leg.

“Ellie!” Y/n and Tess cried in unison.

The soldier was momentarily dazed, stumbling backwards and trying to figure out where the injury was. Y/n took the opportunity to shove Ellie behind her. Joel did the same, jumping to his feet and standing in front of Y/n. It was pure instinct.

“Get out of the fuckin’ way,” the soldier yelled, aiming his gun past the adults.

Joel could talk his way out of a lot, but this looked grim. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.

“We can fix this,” he tried, holding up his hands as a barrier between them and the soldier.

The soldier was done listening to their pathetic attempts. “Move.”

Joel didn’t budge.

“Move.”

Y/n had been on the recieving end of a lot of guns, held by people who thought that God had abandoned the post-apocalyptic warland and it was their job to fill His seat. But the military regulated weaponry, the uniform, the expressionless face that wouldn’t fill with guilt the moment its body pulled the trigger.

It transported her back twenty years.

And she knew Joel was there with her.

He surged forward, letting out a gutteral cry as he tackled the soldier to the ground. He climbed atop him, pinning him, and began to throw one merciless punch after the other. The crunching of bone and squishing of flesh formed an awful, perfect, rhythm.

While Ellie watched and felt something awaken within her, Y/n felt something die. She watched the man she’d known in her past life as loving and tender become a necessary monster. People thought mourning was only for those who left the earth, but there were plenty of dead souls still breathing. If there was any debate as to whether or not her version of Joel Miller was truly gone, the proof was now and forever burned into Y/n’s mind. Someone else now inhabited in his body.

When the job was done, Joel sat heaving over the man’s body, looking down at his bloody and bruised fist. It was the closest he could ever come to avenging her. When he looked up, his eyes first fell on Ellie, who didn’t seem to mind the violence at all. It seemed she actually liked it.

Y/n’s eyes told a different story.

A well-timed lightning strike lit her up, and Joel saw tears pooling below her y/e/c pupils. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, anxiety mixing with terror. Joel knew exactly what she was thinking about him and for a singular second, he felt guilt. He felt guilt for causing her pain, for forcing her to see him as anything other than the man she’d known.

It passed as quick as it came. It had to.

Tess grabbed the dropped scanner and read the bright red screen. Y/n hurried back to the present pulled Ellie by her jacket away from Tess.

“No, no,” Ellie yelled, “No, I’m not sick!”

“Joel,” Tess called, beginning to panic.

“She’s not sick,” Y/n backed Ellie up, “She’s clean!”

“Joel,” Tess yelled again, putting space between Y/n and her.

Ellie pulled her jacket sleeve up to reveal her arm, “Look! Look! This is three weeks old! Nobody lasts more than a day! Does this look a day old to you?”

Tess examined the bite site, it looked more like a bad scar than an infectious wound.

“You would have fuckin’ killed me!” Ellie said in horror.

“I should fucking kill you,” Tess bit back, looking up at Y/n, “What the hell’s Marlene trying to pull?!”

“It’s true,” Y/n said, keeping one hand over her pistol in case Tess didn’t listen, “She’s clean.”

She looked past Tess’ shoulder and over to Joel, who was still watching her. It was a long shot to get him of all people to listen to her, but now, she was happy to bank on their history in hopes that he’d believe her.

“I swear it,” Y/n held a hand up, her eyes digging into Joel’s, begging for him to not raise his gun.

Joel stopped short at Y/n’s vulnerability, he was shaken in every direction just from the last thirty seconds. He felt his will to argue with her slipping away.

“They’re gonna catch us if we don’t run,” Ellie stated, she wasn’t wrong. They could argue elsewhere and keep their lives.

“Joel, we gotta move,” Tess called, interrupting the stare-off between Y/n and him, “We gotta move, Joel.”

Ellie and Tess were already making their way to the fence, but Y/n and Joel stayed a second longer. Neither one had much credibility with the other, not after the last time they’d been together. But at the moment, Joel had two choices. He could either die at FEDRA’s hands, or he could follow the woman he’d once trusted most in the world and believe her one more time.

He chose the latter, though he was far from believing.

Joel picked up the soldier’s rifle and gestured for Y/n to move, the two of them ran after Tess and Ellie, who were already slipping through a hole in the chained fence. Y/n pushed through it, coming to stand on the other side of the QZ’s limits and pausing for Joel. She knew he trusted her as far as he could throw her and she wasn’t totally confidant in turning her back to him. She waited till he came through and the two of them ran after Tess and Ellie, into the night and into the unknown…

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