#v1 may you be in heaven before the devil knows you are dead v main verse

[wxrgirl]

@miss-polly

"Hey, can I ask you something?", she tries to keep her expression pleasant - open and warm, but it becomes harder with every day that Marian is on the run, "Only if you have a couple of seconds to spare though, the cake was great by the way. Many people come into this cafe each day, right? You did not happen to see someone weird here yesterday?"

[wxrgirl]

@squibbed​  [sc.]

            “How many times must I say no, before you understand that I seriously mean no, I am not going to buy this from you”

[wxrgirl]

@nirgama​ con. [x] 

"Will you see the truth when it stares you in the face?"

askbox fun // @wxrgirl​

“and what truth is that? will it be that i most likely will have to face the one person i’m most afraid of? or that she has the power to drain my life source and leave me a lifeless husk? and what if that happens, huh? i can’t exactly find you or queenie or em or any of my other friends when - if - that happens.”

udyati still hasn’t moved from where she’s seated on her bed.

“i can’t go find the pirate i fell in love with if i’m dead. she got everyone else. including jaya and vijaya. i’m the last of the dvarapalas. the final link in the chain. kalindi needs my abilities in order to enact her plan, which, i’m guessing, has something to do with remaking the twelve. or maybe even the rashi galaxy in it’s entirety.”

Leaning against the doorway, arms crossed in front of her chest Marian had listened to Udyati’s reply. But now, eyes still fixed on her friend, she pushed herself off of the wood and stepped into the room. “I ain’t talking about the weight upon your shoulders or the bitter end of all of this, Ud” The former Keren crossed through the room and sat down on the bed in front of her friend, hands outstretched for Udyati to take if she wished to do so. Marian knew that this was no easy life, no easy moment. She had been there, sometimes still was there. And in all her fear Eloise and Udyati had helped. “Kalindi has power, Kalindi has evil plans. We know that. But you have power, too, you are strong. Stronger than her. You must believe that. What other reason is there to continue on? Will you lay her and wait for the end to come? Will you give her victory without even a fight because you believe it useless to stand in her way? Or will you go down the old fashioned style, kicking and screaming? I cannot defeat her for you, I cannot find that strange pirate for you. But I can be here. Now, tomorrow, as long as you need me to. I will have your back, Udyati. I am not going anywhere if you don’t send me away. Let her come I say, let us destroy her”

[wxrgirl]

@siphonersheart​

                      Her hands wandered over the dusty bookshelf, remnants of a life someone had left behind in hurry. She listened, to her gut, to her heart, to her soul... but only silence answered the young girl. If this was indeed the right place she had come here for nothing. A movement behind her, steps echoing on the floor. Marian flinched and spun around, the book she had been holding clattering to the floor. “Who’s there?”, her voice sounded eerie in this empty building, out of place and way too loud, “Show yourself!”

[wxrgirl]

@nirgama​ con. [x]

‘ that’s me, hardcore ’

i am still watching this season // @wxrgirl

“oh, for sure.” there is something warm in udyati’s voice. “well, then, miss hardcore, shall we? i would very much appreciate it if you could give me some back up, after all. there are a lot of kravyādas popping up lately. you know what it’s like, they’re being drawn to negative emotions and all that jazz.”

                   “I think you mentioned that before“, a hint of excitement flashes in Marian's eyes as she falls in step with her friend, “I am great for back up and negativity is my thing, 100%“ She laughs, flexing her shoulders. It has been days since Marian was able to get out of the house, to finally breath some fresh air. And though the wounds of her own adventure have not yet healed she's more than glad to assisst Udyati. “I will be so negative, these kravyādas won't even know what's happening to them. They'll be all drawn to me and you have a free path to... whatever. Where are we going exactly?“ Her brows furrow, she has no clue and a terrible plan. It sounds just like her kind of thing.

[wxrgirl]

Open Starter 

                    She stepped out of the library before the first drops of rain managed to fall. With every step the young girl looked over her shoulder, unsure what dangers might lurk in the shadows. Only a month ago she had been here, learning for exams, trying to find her footing in this mortal world. But now everything was different. Clutching the book about French History closer to her chest Marian realised that someone - or something - was indeed behind her. “I can sense you, there is no need in hiding. If you are after me, you know the extent of my powers, so stepped into the light before I cast even darker shadows onto you”

[wxrgirl]

“if you don’t mind i’ll just help myself to a slice of this cake.”

               Truth was, she did mind. Eloise had made the cake, Marian was only the one looking after it this sunny Saturday afternoon, as she sad on a park bench outside the museum, waiting for her friends to come and meet her. And now this stranger appeared and claimed a piece? Weird. But she had seen weirder. And who knew what might be behind all this? She decided to do what Eloise would do and smiled, "Yeah, sure. Sometimes all you need to save a terrible day is a piece of cake. Go ahead, we have enough" Marian had been in terrible need once and a stranger saved her, a stranger that was now like a sister to her. Maybe the universe wanted her to return the favor. "You're all right though?"

[wxrgirl]

“you wear your love for each other plain as day.”

memes ( always accepting) feat. @nirgama

Do we? Really? Marian wanted to shout her questions at Udyati but instead she simply shrugged her shoulders. Love. It was such a strange concept to her. She loved Ud, she loved Eloise and Tai. Those three had grown to become her family. And she had loved her father, back in that other life, on the other side of the mist... At least she thought she remembered something that could be called love. 

But Gabriel? 

She was not sure if the emotions she felt towards him were called love. She was not even sure she could describe that strange motion in her stomach, the way her chest contracted whenever she thought of him. He gave her a warmth that no one else came even close to. But he also brought a cold wind that forced the hairs on her arms to stand up, made her shiver with dispair, and even the memory of him now brought tears to her eyes. 

She shook her head, getting up from where she had been sitting beside Ud. Her left hand desperately scratched over the back of her right, a movement she always did when the noise in her head was becoming too loud, too much - when she needed something to focus on like the pain underneath her skin.

"I love him, I guess that is true", she took a deep breath, gaze raised to an empty sky and her straight back turned towards her friend, "I loved him once. I loved him more than my life, more than this world. I was ready to follow him to the ends of... of everything" She shivered as images appeared in front of her, the fragments of memories and past lives that cut into her heart like shards of glass, shrapnels piercing through the membran of her ears, "But he does not love me. I doubt he loves me. How could he do all this if he truly loves me? It makes him a monster, don't you see?", She finally turned towards Ud, "It makes us both monsters if we still love each other. Because look what it had brought us, how many have died for our love already? How many will we cast into eternal winter if we love once more? We are monsters if such a sacrifice seems to be worth it. And I refuse it. I refuse to be a monster again just so I can love him. Not if he is so hellbend on destroying everything I hold dear" Tears fell freely down her face now and the scratching of nails upon skin was frantic, "He killed my friend, Ud, how can I still love him? Why is my heart so bad? Why does it fight me so much?"

[wxrgirl]

“You’ve done enough. You’ve done more than enough.”

unprompted but always accepting feat. @dvarapala​

She held on to her friend, hot tears spilling out of her eyes and staining Udyati’s shirt. It had not been enough. It never was and never would be. Marian had given all she thought herself capable of giving and yet she had not been able to do the one thing she wanted to do. She had not been able to save her friend.  She had not been able to stop Gabriel from taking one of the people she cared about most. Eloise had helped her, took her in, saved her. And now... “She’s dead, Ud, she’s gone”, uncontrolled sobs broke every word aoart, making her voice shiver and quake, her sentences almost incomprehensible, “How can anything I did be enough if this is the outcome of all my struggles?” Marian finally broke free, out of Udyati’s arms, lest this friend would be taken from her, too. She pressed the heels of both her hands onto her eyes with so much force it hurt. But she welcomed the stars that began blinking, fitting for someone who felt so ripped out of time, out of space. She was floating in an ocean of pain and her heart convulsed again and again, forgetting how it was supposed to beat instead.  “Maybe you are right”, she began shivering again, fighting for every breath as her lungs collapsed again and again, “Maybe I have done more than enough and Elo had to pay the price for it. Maybe this is all my fault”, another sob, a shake of her head, “You need to go. Gods, you need to go before he realises that he made a mistake and comes back for me”  Marian jumped, came to her feet so quickly her entire head started spinning, “Udyati you need to leave. Now!” Where was Tai? She needed to warn him, she needed to... She needed to tell him that the love of his life was dead. Because of her.  There was not enough air to breath, there was not enough blood to pump through her body, there was nothing but the pain, crashing onto her from all sides, squeezing her tight until she felt as if she was breaking apart into a million pieces while condensing into nothing but pain at the same moment. There was darkness, there was a lightness, and then there was nothing as Marian collapsed onto the floor, fainting as both - body and mind - refused to bear this any longer.

[wxrgirl]

“You cannot keep clinging to old you. You can’t stay closed off; that’s not living.”

                                                      Hatred and anger are clearly painted upon her face. Not because this grey cloaked stranger has insulted or offended her, no it is the truth dripping from their lips that leaves her shivering with rage.  She has not lived in a long time, only survived. This tragedy is not of her own choosing for how shall she leave her old self behind, if she cannot remember? If all that she once was has been stripped away, lost in the shadows and the years of confusion she spent locked in the mist between this world and the next? The Keren have taken her past, twisted it into a tapestry full of holes and shapes she cannot identify.  And now this stranger dares to speak of change, of opening up a heart that is too small and scarred to even beat properly. Have they not heard, what happened the last time when she dared as much? Have they not heard whispers of her touch and the darkness she brings? Life to those already dead, more shadows upon her ancient soul...                                                      “And how - oh wise one - am I to follow your advise?”, she almost spits the words at the stranger, poison upon her tongue, “None of this is of my own making, don’t you see? I left old me behind, lost her in the cold waves of the northern sea. I cannot deciver which parts of my soul are her and which are not. So how am I to change? Who am I to become if I cannot remember who I once was and what I have done to deserve such a fate? Do not bring your prophecies and riddles to my doorstep, grey cloak, I am done with oracles. I am done with the Keren, and I am done with the Moírai. I am choosing my own fate now, and if I decide to stay as unmoving and as cold as stone in it, that is finally on me and me alone.” The first and only true decision she has ever made. 

[wxrgirl]

“Does understanding her mean I have to forgive her?” 'Her' being Kalindi, of course.

feat. @nirgama

She is not one for forgiveness herself, Marian must admit that much. And the smile she had been wearing only a heartbeat ago distorts into a frown as she tries to ponder the question at hand. 

"You know", she finally starts, trying to remember what Eloise might have said in such a moment, "If I were a better person I'd tell you that there is never a must when it comes to forgiving. If you force yourself, is it truly forgiving or is it just you pretending? It has to come from the heart to truly mean something. Understanding her is a vital process of that. And if you forgive her, you will feel better in the end. The weight of all this darkness, of hate and anger, of resentment, will leave your soul or something like that"

She had once known a girl, Lou Ellen, that spoke of people having light in them, even if they could not see it for themselves. And she knows that Ud has a lot of light, it radiates off of her. And maybe she is strong enough, loving enough, to find it in herself to forgive even someone like Kalindi. 

But Marian is not.

"I do understand her, in parts. But I will never forgive her for hurting you, for bringing fear into your life. I shall hate her forever, and it does not make me a better person, it does not help me move forward. But I am not made of light, I am shadow and cold earth. I hide my hate inside until it is ready to bloom into an ugly flower that stinks and chases away the people I care about. So no, you do not have to forgive her, but trust me, it is better if you try. Do not be like me, Ud"

[wxrgirl]

“I’m talking about spectacular, consciousness-altering love.”

memes ( always accepting) feat. @nirgama

Both her eyebrows shot up as Marian turned slightly to look at her friend. The movie that was playing on TV was all but forgotten as she rested an arm on the sofa behind her and gazed up towards Udyati. "Are you serious now? Unbelievable", Marian threw the cushion that had been her shield and cuddle buddy for the better half of their movie marathon at the other girl, laughter quickly following her remark, "Don't say stupid stuff like that. Not even in jest, not even when we are talking about this annoying movie. If she ends up with that guy she'll be off worse for it. Trust me, we should have picked a horror movie instead. " 

Hidden behind her joking manner and warm voice was true worry, tainted by her own sorrow. The more memories returned to her the more Marian was aware of her former lives. The heartbreak she had found not only as Makaria but in the lives that followed... Whenever she closed her eyes raven hair appeared before her, gentle hands, and fire-breathing words. The promises of love had come hand in hand with promises of revolution. Violence and death. Warmth and home. 

She turned towards the TV again, trying to focus on the scene playing in front of her. But her mind was now occupied with memories, regrets, ghosts... 

Kill your demons, little girl, or they'll always come back to haunt you. -- "All right", Marian sighed and reached for the remote control. It was not Ud's fault that her own taste in men was so... utterly disturbing? Completely, life-altering bad? Just blatantly stupid? She turned of the movie before Gabriel could ruin even more of her life and remembered the conversations she had with Eloise more than a year ago. How did normal girls do this? 

Marian turned to Udyati once more, resting both her arms now on the sofa and propping her chin up on her hands. " You reek of love, dear friend. It's truly disgusting. Tell me about this mysterious stranger. Is he really that handsome? I mean, he's called Sky, right? Who names his kid Sky? What comes next, his siblings Cloud and Earth?" She furrowed her brows in disbelief and then shook her head. "Spectacular, consciousness-altering love? He can't be that good in bed, Ud, really, don't boast"

[wxrgirl]

@nirgama​ sent:  “ love you to the moon and to saturn ”                            folklore meme (accepting)

"Saturn?", a chuckle escaped her lips as she passed the couch on which Udyati was sitting. Marian let herself fall onto the cushions beside her friend and handed over the bowl of popcorn, "How far is that away? Saturn?"

Her fingers caught a handful of bursted corn and she carefully threw one into her mouth before lounging back and crossing her legs underneath each other. "All right, two can play this game... Let me think for a moment", her head drew backwards as she stared at the ceiling, aware of how close she was sitting to the other girl - knees almost touching - aware of the birds singing in the tree outside, the beautiful day that was just ending, and the probably terrible movie on hold on the screen in front of them. This was all so normal, so terrifyingly normal. It reminded her of the times in London, it reminded her of friends she had not seen in way too many months and of a girl she had once hoped to be. 

A few stolen hours for Udyati and herself, a glimps of how life could be if the two of them were different. Marian took a deep breath. She could sit here and let it pass by, this moment, watch it trickle through her fingers, or she could simply waste no more of it thinking and instead enjoy it. "I love you to the deepest pit in Hades and back", she finally said, "I love you to the eagle nebula and back, cause that one's pretty rad with all its lilac colours" Laughter escaped her lips and suddenly she rushed forward, almost jumping to change the position in which she was sitting and to face Udyati truly now, "Have you been there? To Saturn? To the stars? I think we should go, some day, you and I together. This world is too small for us, we both know that. We're too awesome to be contained by earth and its mortal rules" She threw out her arms almost sending the bowl of popcorn out of Ud's. "But first movienight, priorities and all that jazz. What have you picked this time?"

[wxrgirl]

@nirgama​ sent “One day isn't your whole life. A day is just a day.”

                      Marian raised her head, looking at the other girl. Udyati was standing in the doorway, only a few feet away and yet it felt - for Marian at least - as if her friend had stepped into yet another world, left her behind in darkness and despair. She shook her head, it was not Ud's fault. Nothing that had happened was anybody's fault but her own. This was on her conscience, this was her creation, her curse. 

                      "I am not sure if it is truly just a day" she admitted, raising a hand to rub at her eyes, "A decade, a lifetime. I wanted for this to happen, you know? I summoned this darkness and now I am drowning in it" Only parts of that were true, at least she thought so, and if Eloise was here she'd agree. But Eloise was gone, lost in the underworld. Yet again something that had happened because of Marian, a tragedy that struck because she had been close to her. 

                      "Yes", she stood up, tearing her own hair out as she walked through the room, through the wreckage of the fight, the remnants of an entire life cast down and destroyed, "It was just a day. It was one bad decision. But it was the cumulation of a lifetime of bad decisions, the pinnacle of a century of bad choices" It took all her strength to not yell and scream, to make way for the agony clawing at her heart, the beast that coiled in her stomach, awakened by the terrible things that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. "It was only a day, but it was because of me", her back was now towards Ud as she slowly sank to the ground, unable to stand on her treacherous feet any longer, who knew to what catastrophe they would lead her next? 

                      "I made this. I did it, not with my hands, but with my heart, with my mind, and with my memories", Marian sniffed, her eyes already red rimmed as the tears finally flowed, "And that's the worst part, Udyati. I cannot even remember the reason when I am feeling like this, why I am so angry when I think of him. I know I loved him, not just once but again and again. In each life, for centuries, I loved him. I chose him over and over again, I gave him the power he now has over me. And because of that Eloise is gone. She's gone because she took me in, because she was my friend, because..." Suddenly Marian all but jumped, coming to a halt on her knees as she turned towards the door, towards her friend Udyati. "You gotta get out of here. I don't know what happens next, what I have to do next, but you need to get out of here", panic flashed in her eyes, "You need to get out of here before he gets to you next. No one's save when I am around. Please, Ud, I cannot lose you, too"

[wxrgirl]

"don't mistake what yields for what is weak."

memes & stuff ( always accepting) feat. @nirgama

"Is this one of your philosophies? One of the lessons in which you teach me about my emotions? Cause they are indeed running wild right now", she finds herself sighing as it is often the case lately. Her mind is burdened with the knowledge of Gabriel's return and if she could she would bring down half the world to stop him. But tactics were never her thing and so, even though she does not admit as much, Ud's council is greatly appreciated. And even if it does not sound like it now, she is thankful for every bit of wisdom the other has shared with her so far. 

Udyati is a kind soul, a soul that is in control. Of her powers, of her body, of her emotions. At least that seems to be the case. For Marian is not. Not kind, not in control. She is lost and rage fills her heart whenever she thinks of the people - the gods - responsible for that.

She paces through the room once more. Her former lover has returned and is hellbend on leading yet another crusade against the gods. A rebellion, a revolution even. She must stop him, she knows that. For how many will perish if angry fire rains once more? But she does not know how she can do that without turning into the shadow, the creature of darkness and death, she has tried so hard to escape. "So, am I understanding you correctly when I say you want me to bend, not break? Meet with him, as he demands", she almost spats out that last words, "appear as if he's winning in getting me on his side, so I can find out what he plans?" That could work, she must admit as much. But deep inside her heart Marian can feel fear rising its ugly head. What if he truly gets under her skin again? What if he truly manages to plant the seeds of doubt in her mind again? 

There is no one, in this world or the next, that has as much power over her as Gabriel has. She does not want to admit it, but he still holds her heart in his hand. She may claim to hate him, but some part of her will always love him. And she is afraid of that love, so very afraid.  "Or is this a warning? He might appear as if he's breaking, but he's only bending until the time is right?" Right to destroy her, with a gentle touch, a stolen kiss. It could undo her within a heartbeat, if she looked into those eyes once more.

[wxrgirl]

“We’re already to the swallowing-paper-for-each-other commitment level? You may be moving a little fast for me.” Don't worry, Mare. Udyati's only joking. Or attempting to, anyway. (Please don't laugh at her honest attempt.)

memes & stuff ( always accepting) feat. @nirgama

"Swallowing paper?", her eyes grow wide as brows shot upward. Marian has no idea what the other girl is talking about and she feels as if she is walking upon thin ice. She has spend more than a decade prisoner to the Keres, more demon than girl, and in all that time she has missed much. The years in which she was supposed to grow from little girl to young woman, in which she was supposed to make mistakes and grow around other people. Years that should have been given to rebellion and finding herself were instead given to darkness and death. Shadows and war. 

So she has missed much when it comes to movies, this thing they call pop-culture, and sometimes it is still hard for her to act like a proper girl her age would. This is one of those moments. 

She understands the words her friend is saying, but she does not understand the context in which they are given. What paper is she supposed to swallow? Poisoned one? Secrets hastily scribbled onto parchment? If truth be told she is ready to do both, to swallow whatever she needs to swallow to keep Udyati safe. - And this sounds wrong even in her head - She is nothing if not commited to this friendship. After all there are not many people around that she can call friends. 

"All right", she finally admits, "I have no idea what you are saying but if you want me to slow down, I guess I can do that" A small pout appears on her face though. She had thought that this friendship was as important to Ud as it was to her and to find out that she was suffocating the other when all she had wanted was to show how much importance her friend held in her heart, what high regard she felt for the other... How does one even slow down when it comes to being a friend? Marian sighs, her right hand scratching over the back of her left while thoughts raced through her mind. Had she known how complicated relationships of any kind were, no matter if human or alien, as it was the case her, she might have stayed a demon a little longer though. "Paper is disgusting though, why do you think we should eat paper? Or have we done that already. You are terribly confusing me with this"