#v; fantastic {nilza & cassia}

[southern-belle-outcasts]

"Are you telling me we're over?" (For Nilza!)

@astral-athame

“Yes-no-I don’t know!”

Nilza sat on her bed, pushing her hair back and scowling at the ceiling. Saying she wanted to be alone meant just that, so why was she having to defend that now. “Tell me where exactly this is going? When I can’t even keep this up? Every day I want to just throw it all away and have a drink and undo it? They won’t do another transplant after that, after I almost kill myself all over again. What do you see anyways?”

She looked away and sighed, scratching at her wrist. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Cassia but that seemed like her only option. Either now, or later, it would happen. Maybe get it over and done with even if she hurt herself in the process. It would better than seeing her dead, right? Because there was also that little curse to contend with and she wasn’t sure she could.

“You don’t deserve to deal with”—her hand gestured vaguely—“this.”

[southern-belle-outcasts]

It probably should have been discussed, she should be more open. But that hurt, and she was so very out of practice. So Nilza simply let Cassia embrace her, and then sighed quietly, pressing her lips together before she managed to give a smile over her shoulder. It was weak, but it was at least there. "Yeah? Guess we find out eventually."

She should probably say something about appreciating the vote of confidence, or question it, push her away with her worries of always fucking things up and hurting people. But she couldn't bring herself to do either of those things, she simply canted her head to better receive the kiss before rolling over to face her.

Nilza's finger twisted into Cassia's hair, meeting her eyes but not saying anything. It felt right but it also was too perfect, too soft to be comfortable for long. So of course the answer to that was lean in, kiss her. It was genuine, she meant every bit of it. It just felt less vulnerable that being assured Cass would always be there. That and she was pretty, and sex was always far more comfortable than talking about feelings or death.

"Maybe I keep you in bed for the rest of the day, yeah?"

Cass settle into the silence with Nilza. She knew better than to prod and pry about what was bothering her- Nil would tell her in time, if she wanted to. For now, she would let the other woman sit with her feelings. But she wouldn't let her do so alone.

When Nilza didn't pull away, Cass took that as a good sign and shifted closer. She pressed close, her chest to the other woman's back, and dropped a small kiss against her shoulder. The hand that had been tracing along the other woman's arm moved now to rest against her lover's stomach, arm draped over her. Her other hand was now being used to prop her head up, trying to peek over Nilza's shoulder a bit to get a look at her face- or, the side profile of it, at least.

"I would if I had to," She said, "I'm not going to leave you over something like being in a bad mood or needing your space or..." Or even if Nil snapped and yelled at her, Cass wouldn't leave. She was pretty sure she wouldn't leave even if the other woman lost it and hit her... not that she expected Nilza would do such a thing, but she'd been there before with a boy she cared less about than she cared about Nilza and it hadn't been enough to make her walk away. Not that she'd ever admit as such. "You don't have to tell me what's bothering you, but you should know, at least, that it's going to take a lot more than this to upset me or push me away. You're stuck with me." She gave a small smile with those last words, then dipped her head down to place a kiss to the side of the other woman's neck.

[southern-belle-outcasts]

Nilza didn’t shift away, but neither did she move in for affection, even if maybe she wanted it. At least in the back of her mind, at the forefront was the knowledge her dog was fourteen years old. Older than a dog, who had lived with her through multiple supernatural attacks, should by all rights be. And it scared her, to see that she was going to be unable to control that aspect of her life. That, and the fact the last time she’d suffered a loss she went off the deep end. Made her life worse. How was this not going to be that all over again?

“This is nothing you know. I get worse. You wanna play around with that?”

wake me up when i care.- Nilza

You know by now I ain’t sorry so I shan’t apologize

@southern-belle-outcasts

A small part of Cass wanted to be playful about this, prod Nilza just a little more, try something silly to make her crack a smile. But she knew Nilza well enough by now to know that now was not the time for that. The other woman was clearly not in the mood and Cass wasn't going to press the matter when she knew it was just going to piss her off more.

"Okay, okay..." She relented. "Consider the matter dropped." For now, at least. Cassia, instead, crawled into bed behind Nilza. She gave her some space in case she didn't want to be held, lest she should feel coddled. But she shifted close enough that she could feel the other woman's body heat rolling off of her a bit, less than a foot of space between them. Then she reached a hand out to gently stroke her fingers along Nilza's arm. If she didn't recoil from the touch, Cass would draw closer. But for now, she was mostly just trying to offer some affection, some love, without being overbearing. She wasn't particularly good at reading what Nilza needed (or wanted), but she was trying.