#v: Not Alone Anymore
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Sorry for the lack of posts, have some more headcanons!!
#MYYY self indulgent V headcanon number 234 is that shes a huge fucking dork#i.e she was a huge bookworm as a worker#well she was a dork in general#reading. painting. dancing. all of it#but alot of that. was kinda things she had to leave with the rest of her. when she became a Disassembly Drone.#And while alot of her died in the manor. she still kept some things close.#and one of those things is reading!!!#she cringes at like 90% of what she used to read but still goes out of her way to reread the copies she finds or is given#N usually gives her copies#She acts like she hates it but still reads them alone anyway#theres a reason she has bad eyesight and its because she reads with the book 3 inches from her face in the dark#also Uzi probably makes her read Twilight at some point and laughs the entire time (they both hate it. Uzi just likes messing w/ her)#anyway i just like the idea that in a world where V is finally allowed to start her life again#she looks for the things she loved that she had to leave behind#and finds new joy in them as who she is now#she might not be that little worker anymore#but shes still the girl who loved to curl up in the library when no one would notice. reading any book she could get her hands on.#idk i just like the idea that V deep down is still just a girl who wants to have fun.#i just want her to be HAPPY#anyway do you guys wanna hear why Chappell Roan's “Pink Pony Club” is so V code- (i fall down the stage stairs)#murder drones#serial designation v#serial designation n#uzi doorman#also for context ive never read Pride and Prejudice despite meaning to#its just one of the only actual romance books i know off the top of my head#imean no offense to it. I just like joking abt V reading romance sdkfjkldsjf
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shall we renounce
from where we've come
and who we were?
#sleep token#sleep token art#sleep token vessel#sleep token sleep#sleep token him#bygone art#blood#blood tw#the most 'itself' this thing has ever been. the most it ever will be.#held together by vengefulness alone and pretending that it's something more than that#there isn't really vessel in there anymore. nor is there sleep.#it's both and neither. a mortal shell filled with barely controlled anger constantly threatening to burst.#it still tries to make itself a god. but all it's ever been and all it'll ever be is a mockery of both godhood and humanity.#a ticking time bomb of a joke.#i finished this while all of my body was in pain after a concert last night. god help me.#quick addition:#the caption is HEALTH lyrics again. while technically from DEMIGODS this specific case is intended to be the part from DSM-V#what can i say it fits Him quite well#'do unto those that which they did to you' is pretty much the reason why it came to be#bygone lore
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love these 2 with all my heart theyre crazy. infodump incoming
ivy and jon met in college about 18 years before the plot starts (ages 18 and 19 respectively) they were both like, intense and unsettling and as traumatized gay people do they kind of gravitated towards each other. jonathan broke his pen one time and asked pamela if he could borrow one and they just kind of ... never stopped talking. they've been inseperable since
jon was ivy's first friend not made out of neccessity, and pam was jonathan's first friend period. they are absolutely ride or die for each other.
they moved in together after a year to split rent, and despite still being Incredibly fucked up it was both of their first taste of normal life. or as normal as gotham can be idk. living the queer codependent best friends lifestyle !!! something almost like happiness
jonathan did sell drugs out of their apartment for a few months to make ends meet but that Definitely has no impact on his future later! haha! anyway
then they graduated! jon got a job in psychiatry and moved out; ivy stayed and took a job at arkham in the infirmary, where she meets harley. and while pam became more bitter and jaded at the horrible things she witnessed in arkham, jonathan got fired for tormenting a patient, spiralled completely into his obsession with fear and created the first version of his fear toxin. he was arrested and sent to blackgate (and then arkham a week later), then 6 months later ivy was arrested for blowing up a factory, and sent to blackgate.
they didnt speak for the next year and a half. jon continued to isolate himself and spiral, landing himself in arkham once or twice a month at a certain point, while pam got unhealthily fixated on taking down the corrupt in gotham, getting herself into her own fair share of trouble. both of them get to a breaking point around the same time-- forced to face their own actions and the consequences they bring.
so pamela escapes prison again and decides to lay low: gets an apartment under a fake name, and begins to plan her next operations more carefully. somewhere along the way harley moves in with her (after being ditched and left to fend for herself by the joker) and things are Okay !
jonathan's road to recovery (if you can really call it that he's still fucked up and crazy) is a little more explosive and insane but he ends up on ivy's doorstep, dripping wet and covered in blood, and asks to come in. despite everything she lets him stay! (i've written a fic for this that i'll share sometime if i can figure out how 💔)
and they've been keeping each other alive for the 15 years since! they're mean as hell to each other but also they would do anything for eachother. never underestimate the bond betw two fucked up and evil gay people
yeah i love these two so much . most annoying best friends ever !!!!!
#infodump#have i said that i love them enough times. i love them#two people who feel disgusting and inhuman find each other and at the very least they don't have to be alone anymore#shaking them violently#batman au#batman v#jonathan crane#pamela isley#scarecrow dc#poison ivy dc#technically ivycrow#but they are sooo incredibly platonic. gay and lesbian solidarity
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"But the entire meat department's wet! It'll take so long to mop it all up alone...!" The sales floor of the Junes meat department was not the largest department in the store. Not even top three.
"I'm not cleaning the damn shrimp that escaped. Do not even think of asking me."
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i was going to make a different post but actually now i just want to talk about how fucking insane part 9 was. like, emotionally. that was when you could tell those two were doomed to be each others' missing puzzle pieces forever i think
#the nemesis speaks#mv liveblog#start the episode mid divorce... scorpion and frog parable... john dragging arthur for his terrible life choices...#and correspondingly arthur calling john out for putting on a hard exterior to cover up the pull he feels towards humanity lmao??#calling it ''our life'' as a single unit... john telling arthur ''let it come. you're not alone.'' as he dies...#whatever the hell ''i benefit from you and your existence greatly'' was. top 10 ways to avoid defining the relationship#the whole ''comfort was left on the floor of your office'' thing!! that was also that episode!!#and fucking ''does the divide really seem that vast anymore? the line between you and i?'' + ''you melt away when caught up in our path''#<- NOT A NORMAL THING TO SAY!! FROM EITHER OF YOU!!! YOU ARE BOTH FUCKED!!!! bizarro codependent intimacy off the charts#also faroe mention???? first time her name ever gets dropped?? that episode had E V E R Y T H I N G#^ relatedly arthur going ''well i hope she considers us even... :/ '' after the wraith saves his life. so unenthusiastic abt it#hey arthur babe you wanna come back here and finish that thought. would you like to share with the class#ok whatever i'm done taking notes or whatever the hell you call this. hit post#malevanalysis
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im trying rly hard to reframe the next 6ish months of my future as something exciting instead of something terrifying. and i just realized if i get my own apartment at the beginning of next year (which is the plan barring any unforeseen complications) i can decorate the whole place in friend art and fandom art..
#i don’t have to consider abby’s v reasonable interior decorating sensibilities anymore…#no one can stop me from making Big Wall Collages all over the house like i have in my bedroom….#living alone is scary. moving into a place alone is even scarier.#but if i want to hang a picture of lestat in my living room no one can even say anything about it. <3#izzy.txt
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The different parts of Gotham War not lining up at all in terms of plot, character motivation and characterization is bad enough, but now that DC is suddenly trying to explain when other titles like Detective Comics and Batman and Robin are taking place in relation to Gotham War it gets even worse because now all of these storylines make so much less sense too.
#Gotham War#Listing all the reasons why Gotham War and Ram V's Tec run don't fit together would be complicated#Because they are doing similar things with a similar cast of characters but in extremely different ways#And I don't have the energy to go through both storylines to get the details right#But Batman and Robin is simple#You can't have a cozy father-son-story and Bruce going insane and shoving all the parental responsibilities onto Dick#to be a brooding loner again taking place at the same time#Is the entire Batman and Robin book supposed to take place during the few days that Damian was the only one on Bruce's side in GW#Before Bruce abandoned Damian?#Because unlike when Death in the Family happened you can't even use the excuse that Damian changed his mind#And decided to stay with Bruce even though dinf ended with everyone including Dami not showing up at the talk Bruce wanted to have with the#Which was what they did in B&R 2011#Because back then it was the family that decided they didn't want to work with Bruce anymore#In GW it's Bruce who tells them to leave him alone#He very explicitly abandons Damian despite the fact that Damian didn't betray him and stayed loyal#So this time Damian can hardly change his mind and decide to stick by Bruce because it's Bruce who rejected him#I'm still so confused by Zdarsky putting that in the story in the first place because he clearly has very little interest in Damian#Out of all the male Robins he played the smallest part in this#It probably would have been better for B&R if Damian had been somehow absent for Gotham War like in a lot of previous batfam events#And left the time B&R takes place unspecified#So that it just takes place in its own bubble#I'm usually all for DC telling us how things fit together but for that to be good things need to actually line up#And not outright contradict each other
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amber 💔
#going to sleep soon but my god. i cannot stop thinking about those episodes of house#amber’s actress did such an outstanding job acting the realisation that she was basically already dead#the building horror in her eyes was so distressing. i genuinely haven’t been able to stop thinking about it#some of the best 80 minutes of television i’ve ever seen. the lighting on the bus and the use of memories v dreams v hallucinations#and the scene at the end where house is alone on the full white bus with amber and he doesn’t want to leave because he’s not in pain anymore#i mean jesus christ. i can only take so much#my heart hurts. what excellent television#like not to be overly emotional about fictional characters but amber was so YOUNG. my god#i need to watch funny house md compilations on youtube for my sanity
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my bro making my fave meal gluten free for me!!! 😭❤️
#fettuccine alfredo my BELOVED#have had it once since going gf 💔#he def is doing it bc i just got dumped 😂#which is v sweet of him tbh#i'm actually pretty ok with it now it was just right after it happened that i was crushed#but felt weirdly at peace abt it the following night and now i'm basically fine lol#still sad but i can 100% say it's for the best#there is a chance we couldnget back together but i honestly think it would be a bad idea#just can't promise i wouldn't let myself be talked into it bc of feelings#but tbh a relationship needs a stronger foundation than just feelings we didn't communicate well and he didn't prioritize me#which is fine as friends and we have lots of fun so we should def stay friends#but romantically i dont think it could ever work despite how i feel#and im not gonna settle for someone who won't prioritize me even if it means i end up alone#he has a lot of growing up to do and i don't think he ever will#so as much as i like him i think it would be a mistake to pursue that relationship#so i'm actually verybat peace w the breakup#like obviously my feelings are hurt and it felt like deeply awful like i'm unlovable etc i was falling apart the first night#then i just went numb and thought abt it rationally and im fine now#still a little sad but very much fine#but its still nice my bro is doing something nice for me lol#my whole family is feeling bad for me bc i was such a huge hysterical mess on friday night 😂#but by saturday night i was actually okay 🤷♀️#i know it goes in phases but i think i actually am ok fr#even tho i was really falling for him i know it would have been a mistake so im okay#i should be more hurt bc of the rejection itself maybe bc im really sensitive to that but i'm not anymore and idk why#lol#this has been a shitpost#don't reblog
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He's rolling in the snow as much as he can before the season ends. Everywhere he went, a Teddie-shaped trail soon followed. Some bear angels (snow bears? snow bear angels?) were also scattered on the path.
"ACHOO!"
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#what is it about being 27 that makes me want to get out more often#the loneliness is so crippling#i want to be around people i want to meet and make new friends#i want to drink and dance and sing and surround myself in crowds#no i do not want to be in my room i do not want to scroll for hours i don’t even wanna do my hobbies alone anymore#im v introverted but the joy of being around people around strangers who are having a good time around a community of queer people#i could cry i want that so bad
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YOUR ASS HURT. DONE.
This is my island, Starfall!!!!! I had vague but elaborate lore for it and the residents, some sort of mystical enchanted forest town that's home to some strange guys (a mermaid on land, a vampire, an alien..... two random old OCs of mine LMFAOOO and MEEEEEE 💖)
These are only snippets of Starfall, so I recommend visiting if you're interested! Plus I. Worked hard on it and am still proud of some of my builds 🫣 It was never Finished finished, but also it's at a point where I don't wanna do anything else but nuke it 😅
Dream Address is DA-9640-4620-8466 like it says on the tin!!! 🤗
#animal crossing new horizons#acnh#PLEASE VISIT i even set out some items. which isn't much but it is very enriching when visiting dreams LMFAO#i probably won't be nuking it immediately i may wanna take more pics esp of my ocs#and also that. took so much time. that's the problem w ac LMFAO sometimes it's more of a chore 😓#ALSO I NEED TO NUKE THIS SO BAD. it was DEF made in my v early parts of transition#where i was heavy into still being a cutesy 'girly' soft boy and. AUGHHHH I NEED TO KILL HIM#NOT REALLY. BUT STILL. like i still think it's true but i'm NOT soft anymore. i'm punk. i'm PUNK#i couldn't even deck out my guy in fully edgier attired cause that's the vampire's gimmick. cute but sharp.#espppp in the start i think my guy's gimmick was pretty boy princely still v femme/cutesy#which is FINE. but god. I'M EVIL NOW‼️‼️‼️ I'M SUPER EVIL NOW‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#when i start over my guy's whole thing is he's gonna be a fucking weirdo freak. idk how i'll communicate that#through props/dress alone but i'll fucking find a way#tbh i feel like a fun new theme could be a playfully spooky island..... like starfall has hints of this#but i think i can go further. lean way into it.#ANYWAYS IF YOU VISIT. TELL ME!!!!!!!!! if you want 😇#dream address#idk. if there's a proper tag for it.
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I’m starting all the big girl stuff and learning how to do diagnostics and treatment methods. Way to make me equally terrified and excited 🥲
#I have to start sitting in on AA and NA meetings which makes me extremely scared bc I gotta go alone to those 🥲#but yeah we really gettin in it now#bc right now I’m doing focus areas addiction and substance abuse and then neurodevelopmental disorders in children#but both are starting off with basic clinical practices#and it’s also a little funny bc in one of my classes today I was sitting there like ‘ohhh that’s what my therapist was doing’#but yeah I’m scared but also not scared#and I’m like ‘yay my copy of the DSM-V is finally gonna be put to use’#but I’m actually far more scared bc actual clinical internships aren’t the far future now#that shit is SOOOOOON and what if I’m bad at it 👀#I mean I’m sure I’ll be fine BUT THAT SHIT IS COMING UP IT AINT A WHEN IM OKDER THING ANYMORE#ITS LIKE NEXT SEMSESTER 🥲
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@rotdame asked for a servant assigning ; (in no specific order of compatibility) From left to right; the Dioscuri, Jekyll/Hyde, Ereshkigal, Mandricardo, Nero, Avicebron, Carmilla, Vlad, Asclepius, Salieri
/ SO! When I think of Tara I think of the concept of death as its a big part of her story so I just had to pick up servants that have ties with death in one way or another (some stronger than others) such as Eresh who is literally the goddess of the land of the dead not to mention that I also thought she was very fitting because of her troubles when it comes down to her perception of herself in comparison to her 'sister' Ishtar and how this could be linked to Tara's struggles with her sense of self as well; there's also other servants such as Salieri, Nero and Jekyll/Hyde that would be able to understand her final decision as characters that struggled themselves with circumstances that led them to take their own lives or close to as a way of conclusion of the sorts. Because of the way she spent most of her life under confusion about her parents and how this continued further on in her life, I feel like the Dioscuri would be fitting as well because they act as guiding lights, they are the flash of light that discharges on ship masts during storms, they guide people during storms; so there's some symbolism there about finding your path (not to mention they would understand how impactful the separation of family is)
#rotdame#;s.ervant assigning#/i dont write c.armilla anymore but i thought she was fitting purely by vibes alone#/a.sclepius is there because of the supernatural and the concept of death and the cost of freedom that u mention on her bio; v fitting inde#/m.anny is there bc i feel like personality wise they share some traits like the pessimism and the social withdrawal bc of not fitting in#/a.vicebron i just feel like their energy matches; i feel like if she did a summoning she would get him#same with v.lad#;ooc#ooc
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the untreated depression is depressioning so bad today 👍
#I have unfortunately been alone all day today while everyone else has been at work and hmmmmm#has not been great for my brain tbh#I’ve done lots of art and stuff around the house like chores but oh buddy I needed someone to chat shit with so bad#my brain problems manifest in a way that makes me feel very not human#that sounds v weird of me but it’s like#idk#very dog-like is the best way to describe it#like hm need enrichment need companionship#the YouTube let’s plays are not doing it anymore lmao#I did laugh once or twice at a lethal company video one of my favs did w his friends but like#hmm no#just ended up making me more sad tbh#seeing people have fun w their friends while I’m here rotting in a (very cold!) house jdjdjdjd#idk it’s silly I know but then family have got home from work and like#no one’s bothered with me#for more than a couple of minutes#and I know if you want to spend time w people you have to ask but I legitimately#do not even have the energy to ask#I just feel shite and angry and sad and irritable#and then like a good layer of numb so it feels a bit like uh#you know how things sound muffled when you’re under water#it’s like that but with emotions#idk I feel watery on the inside if that makes sense#but I don’t even have the energy to cry dhdhhddj#shit sucks man I want my energy back please I do Not enjoy being this way
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