#uuuuUUGHHH THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD GAME

[glassrunner]

LIES OF P: Main Puppet Bosses

[all-hail-the-witcher]

the most notable and quotable parts of john mulaney’s kid gorgeous special (on order) in my own personal very biased opinion

-SAY MORE RIGHT NOW!!

-my dad is so weird, i’d love to meet him one day

-and then my mom said “i made a salad with crasins!”

-now we don't have time to unpack alllll of that

-the inside part??? tell him we’re here!

-i used to smoke crAck

-weekends? that's Nunzios time

-i want to talk about what happened yesterday!

-what was so funny when she couldn't fit the box of puppets into the back of her dodge neon?

-none of that matters but its important to me that you know that

-he was a man most acquainted with misery

-shut up you're all gonna die! street smarts!!

-you want it?? go get it!!

-and our teachers were like “write that down”

-the man with the mustache told me to do it!

-something hinky is going on

-and we were like, “we know but h e y”

-he was not a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down kinda guy, we was like “brush your teeth now BOOM orange juice, that's life”

-now ive thrown him off his rhythm

-when you get kidnapped. not if, when

-nah nah nah sister! you’re not getting me to no secondary location!

-i gave you more money than the civil war cost, and you fucking spent it already?!!?!

-college was like a 4 year game show called “do my friends hate me? or do i just need to go to sleep??”

-how dare you, how dare you clap for the worst financial decision i ever made

-and then i didnt!

-of course i did, but on an unrelated note im gonna walk out the front door right now

-i don't even have a joke for that!!

-strange the passage of time

-like “uuuuuughhh” you know, life?

-i don't know what my body is for other than taking my head from room to room

-im like an iPhone, its gonna be worse versions of this every year

-tonights no good how about wednesday??

-it would be like if you went into your childhood bedroom and joe damaggio was there. like yeah he's joe damaggio, he's a legend, he had sex with marilyn monroe, but only you know where the bathroom is

-ummm does anyone have a laptop charger i can borrow???

-alright, next sentence. space bar, indent, sPACEBARRR

-because It Is The Forties

-may i see my stuff please?? “ehhhhh i smell a Robot. prove prove prove, prove to be youre not a robot. look at these Curvy Letters!!!! far curvier than most letters, wouldnt you say? no robot could ever read these, you look mortal! (if yee be), you look and then you type what you think you see! is it an E or is it a 3?? that's up to yeeeee. the passwords of past, you've correctly guessed, but now its time for the robot test!! I’ve devised a question no robot could ever answer! which of these pictures does not have a stop sign in it!�� fUCKING WHATTTT????

-think about that for two minutes and tell me you dont wanna walk into the ocean!

- “josiah, you had something?”

-but then.....laST NOVEMBER the stRANGEST THING HAPPENED!!!

-now i dont know if you've been following the News, but ive been keeping my Ears Open

-get out of here with that shit! 

-i didnt know he knew how to do that

-were Well Past That!!!

-those dont match up At All

-and all of us are like okay okay okay okay okay okay okay 

-i dont remember That in hamilton

-just because youre accurate does not mean youre interesting

-hey hwy dont you take your sleeping back and gET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! take your epipen, take your goddamn epipen and gET OF MY HOUSE!!!

-you might think that's an ignorant answer, its not its a great answer

-i dont care for these new nazis, and you may quote me on that

- “do you want a best buy rewards card?”

-anyway this is a long winded way of saying that we bought a stroller for our dog

- “he’s sick” *laughs*

-and i was like “wait, what did you just say??”

- “oh, no no no no, we all know that”

- “you’ve only had a week to work on it, and you've had the book for 2000 years!”

- “where's that pamphlet where's that pamphlet, move the jackets! move the jackets!”