#utter destruction and ruin—being replaced by a better world. but who’s to say this would’ve even been ‘better’ who’s to say it wasn’t an

[polarized-here]

were all just mentally ill about rei and i love it lmaooo

Yeah lmfaoooo like. Gosh dang. I think it’s just us three Rei fans against the world atp 😭🙏

[arts-and-drafts]

Vulnerable (Hermit Tommy AU)

TW: Severe PTSD, Self Destructive Actions, Panic Attacks

(Extra Extra! Angst hot off the presses! This one is in a bit of a different style, let me know if it flows okay! In this one, Xisuma sees first hand that recovery for Tommy is going to be a very long road indeed, and also learns some upsetting news :) Enjoy!)

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Being ashamed of weakness is something new to the hermits, and it's something Tommy despises.

They've lived such a good life that they talk freely about what scares them, about their flaws and insecurities, and they're accommodated for it. Stairs are added to builds for Joe's fear of heights. Dolls are removed from public places for Scar's comfort. The night is kept away and builds are lit up with torch overkill for Bdubs' fear of the dark and for general safety, so no one is caught unawares by a mob. Tommy doesn't understand how the hermits can be so kind to one another to help each other with their weaknesses, and it invokes indescribable rage in him.

(It's not rage, not really. It's jealousy, and Tommy knows deep down that it's wrong. He's getting better at dealing with that sort of thing, but the stark realization that he had endured such injustice in his old world is too much to bear.)

The hermits already adapt to him, even though he never says out loud that rockets send him to a terrible place in his mind, never says that buttons make him tremble so violently he can't breathe, never says that the eerie sound of a Wither coming to life paralyzes him inside of his memories. He never utters a word, but suddenly every button on the server has become a lever, every hermit around him starts to walk or ender pearl instead of flying, and Lamps Plus stops selling beacons for good. Tommy never asks, and the hermits never comment, but it's glaringly obvious that they've done this for him.

Tommy's heart twists in an unfamiliar feeling, a whirlwind of anger and confusion and a warmth that he can't name sending his thoughts spinning.

How can they be so kind to a dirty, skittish, thieving child that has stumbled into their home uninvited? It just doesn't make sense.

Tommy has encountered zero hostility from the hermits since he woke up in Joe's doghouse, and it sets him on edge. It's too good, and Tommy knows well enough that good things always come to a grisly end.

So he picks fights. He starts conflict that isn't a playful prank war. He steals and destroys and laughs when he sees what has become of the hermit he's chosen for suffering and he hides how much it confusingly hurts him to do so.

Peace was never an option, and that's something Tommy can't change. Something will always come up to ruin his happy ending, so he ends it himself. He'd rather it be by his own hands, just to grasp some meager illusion of control over his fate.

But even when he blows up items, sets builds on fire semi-accidentally, the hermits do not stop being kind. They look at Tommy with pity and empathy instead of anger, and it makes the kid's blood boil.

He's brought to the tipping point when Xisuma offers a conversation instead of a fight when Tommy breaks the glass keeping his bees contained. Instead of frustration, Xisuma just waves it off, casually mentions he has more bees to replace the ones that escaped, and just asks Tommy if he's okay. The sincerity in his eyes, the only part of Xisuma that Tommy can see, finally lights Tommy's fuse.

Tommy exploded, screaming until his throat was ripped to shreds over how fucking lucky Xisuma is to live in a world where hard work isn't hardly a concern when it's destroyed, how infuriating it is that he's so nice, how can he be nice when he's the admin and he controls every movement of the server and every beating heart in this world is under his thumb and he's green and he's a fucking psychopath--

And Xisuma brings him back from the memories of exile. Tommy blinks to see Xisuma's purple eyes locked with his own, calming him from his heaving chest and tear streaked face that Tommy only now registers.

And Tommy breaks.

The sun sets and rises instantly as soon as it touches the horizon, BDoubleO100 has gone to sleep. Xisuma carefully lifts Tommy's exhausted form from the grassy floor after hours of sobbing in the admin's arms, and the child is easily lulled to sleep by Xisuma's rocking movement as he takes him back to Joe's. The walk is long and Xisuma has a lot to think about.

He expected Tommy to tip over. He wasn't as experienced with kids as Bdubs or Doc, but he could notice destructive behavior when he saw it. He knew patience was key, and he was so glad Tommy was with him when he finally let it all out. Void knows what would've happened if he was alone.

Xisuma of course did not expect to learn that Tommy has had horrible run ins with his old admin, but suddenly the mystery of the kid's oddly wary behavior around Xisuma clicks into place.

And now it's Xisuma's turn to be angry, because an admin that does anything other than protect their players with their life is someone who should not be an admin at all.

Xisuma looks down, really looks at how scrawny and exhausted this poor child is, his eyes tracing over the littering of scars that cover Tommy's body from wounds he shouldn't have ever endured in his life, much less at 16. How many others are like him? How many others are scarred and broken and haunted with memories because of what their admin has done to them?

How many aren't as lucky as Tommy in finding a way out?

Xisuma makes it to Joe's doghouse district faster than he thought, and he passes Tommy off into safe arms with a knowing look. The admin waits until Joe has disappeared with the kid before taking to the sky, sliding into his base at a less than safe velocity and immediately pulls up his administrator screen.

Xisuma doesn't have a name or coordinates of the world Tommy escaped, but he has only a few names Tommy cries in his sleep, Wilbur, Tubbo, Dream. Xisuma hopes that's enough to find them.

He can't just stand by knowing that other players are suffering, can't sleep until he knows Tommy's friends are free of that horrible place. He can't live peacefully knowing others are going through what has hurt Tommy so deeply that he's still conditioned by what he has endured even after months of being free.

If their admin won't protect them the way they should, then Xisuma will.

He has to.