#usually when a person i've come out to doesn't know what pan means i say 'i'm attracted to all genders' and they're cool with it

[natalynsie]

Turqouise Hearts (Tomco Oneshot)

Mewberty is an experience that mewman magic users under the age of 16 go through, usually coming a few months after the first spell.

The person who is affected by Mewberty will shed colorful hearts, turn into a faye-fairy-butterfly mix form, gain sticky web-like substances in the palm of their hand, which can be used like a spider web, and become obsessed with people they are even mildly romantically attracted to. But with people they are already heavily attracted to, feelings will enhance dramatically, making it dangerous to see people going through this stage of life.

Mewberty usually only lasts a few hours, and from it, comes Mewberty wings.

Well, when Marco Diaz was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, holding the turquoise heart that had just fallen off of his forehead, the first statement was proven wrong.

Marco was not a mewman. But he had used one spell in the past few months. The All Seeing Eye, Eclipsa's spell, which was one of Star's favorites.

"Star!" Marco called from the bathroom. He knew Star, Tom, and Janna were downstairs watching a movie. He had been there too before going to the bathroom, where the turquoise heart in his hand had fallen off his forehead as he washed his hands.

"What?" Star responded from downstairs.

"Get up here!"

There was a sound of footsteps running up the stairs before Star entered the open door, Janna and Tom behind her, to see Marco looking down at his hand.

"What do you need?"

Marco held up the heart in his hand. "Um, this fell off my head."

Star's eyes widened, and she took the heart into her hands. "Oh. Oh no," she said, feeling the tissue-paper-like heart in her hand. "It's a Mewberty heart."

"Wait, Marco used magic? He's a mewman?" Tom asks through the doorway.

"Yes and no, I think I've said multiple times I am a human," Marco replies. "Okay, so, Mewberty, as in, crazy purple Star kidnapping multiple boys at school Mewberty?"

"Yeah," Star says. "I didn't know humans could get it, but them and mewmans are very similar so I guess it's possible. But that also means me and Janna gotta scram, you wouldn't mind staying, right Tom?"

"Um, yeah I can do that, I guess."

"Alright! You know Marco, you're gonna go girl-crazy and stuff. Bye!"

Marco waved as more hearts started falling from his face.

"Call us when it's over!" Star says before slamming the door.

"So, Tom, care to fill me in a bit? All I know is from when Star got it at school."

"Basically it prepares you for intense magic, even if you only use magic once," Tom says. "The Mewberty wings are like, butterfly transformation thing that Star does."

"Yeah but like, do I need to do anything?" Marco asks, trying to catch all the hearts falling from his face so he doesn't have to clean up as much later.

"I guess I just have to keep you away from girls and make sure you don't leave the house, your parents won't be home anytime soon, right?"

"No, they're having a couple days vacation."

"Okay," Tom says.

"For safe measures, I'm gonna go lock myself in my room so it'll take a bit more work to get out," Marco says, hearts starting to fall uncontrollably as he runs down the hallway to his room. He locks the door and looks around his room.

I wonder if being bi will affect it. And maybe having a crush on Tom? Star's bi and it didn't seem to affect her. And Star acted a bit more crazy with Oskar. Oh hell, that'll be a way to come out, locking Tom in a corner or something.

Marco thought that last part as a joke. Hopefully he wouldn't end up doing something like that. Tom didn't know. Marco's parents knew, but that was it.

He knew his friends weren't homophobic, Star had told them she was bi and Jackie was pan. But Marco was a perfectionist, and could never figure out how to tell them in the best way.

To pass a bit of time, waiting on his inevitable crazy butterfly form that Star had, he went through some pictures he'd saved on his phone.

Star had been a lot more freaked out about Mewberty than Marco was. But she had been in school, and Marco was in the safety of his house.

Suddenly he landed on a picture of him and Tom. Fuck.

Tom had his arm around Marco's shoulder, they were smiling, holding ice cream. Star was the one to take that picture, he remembered, because she wanted a picture of her Earth bestie and Underworld bestie. She'd then sent it to them both.

Then Marco couldn't see through all the turquoise rain.

His hands started feeling soft, and he dropped his phone.

Of course. On Tom's picture.

Tom was the only other person in the house. He could hear him humming on the other side of the door. He was probably doing that weird stretch thing Star hated so much too.

He felt something in his stomach. Looking down, he realized his hoodie and jeans turned turquoise, matching his now turquoise skin and hair. Just like how Star's clothes had changed.

And he felt his sides stretch, as if he were growing something out of it.

And then he fell out of control.

On the other side of the door, Tom finished his stretching. He was about to go back on his mirror when he heard pounding on the door.

Looks like it's started.

No big deal. It wasn't Tom's business until Marco managed to get out of his room.

Then he would just have to stop him from getting anywhere else.

He did not care if Marco would just fly past him and search for someone else.

He did not care that Marco wouldn't pay attention when he came out of that room.

Oh, who was he kidding? Of course he cared that Mewberty Marco would pay him no mind. Tom wanted Marco to like him. He really wanted Marco to like him.

"Hey Marco, calm down in there, you're not going anywhere," Tom said through the door, but the pounding only got louder.

And then the door, just floating there, was forced open by a turquoise version of Marco.

He had four arms, the hoodie was gone, a plain t-shirt under. His skin had faint hearts dotted every here and there, and eyes a very light version of his skin. And oh god, the wings. Big, diamond shaped, turquoise with his new eye color in the center of the wings.

And something about him looked so pretty in that moment. Tom was stunned.

Marco grabbed him by the horns and face, floating a little closer to him.

Then reality set back on Tom. Marco didn't fly past him, to his surprise. In fact, Marco was very, very focused on him.

And that made Tom blush like crazy, because, well, it was Mewberty, and during Mewberty, all you focus on are people you're interested in, even if it's just a bit.

Tom knew Marco didn't mean it, Marco didn't like him. But it meant Tom had a chance for him to like him, because if Marco was focused on a boy, that meant he liked boys. That was new.

And suddenly Marco was closing in on him, fluttering down to the ground, hands now moved to Tom's face and neck.

And Tom did the only logical thing one would do when your best friend going through Mewberty tries to kiss you- push him off.

But Marco was persistent. Shoving Tom into a corner, he used his web hands to trap him there.

"Marco! Let me out!" Tom shouted, knowing it would do nothing, and tried pushing through the sticky stuff.

Marco smiled, looking down on him.

Then he flew away.

Tom clenched his fists and tried not to blow up. Ugh, that stupid butterfly thing! He was way too smart, making Tom all flustered so he wouldn't think just so he could shove him in a corner and try and get out.

Tom was outsmarted by someone going through Mewberty. Wow, that's a new low.

He decided to burn the sticky stuff and ran downstairs to make sure he hadn't left yet. And thankfully, Marco was still tugging on a locked sliding door.

Ha, stupid.

Tom pulled him off the door. Marco turned to the boy and was fascinated by him again, feeling all over his face and horns.

"Get off me!" Tom said, lightly pushing him.

But Marco didn't listen, and flew lightly off the ground so he was at Tom's height.

"No, no you don't!" Tom shouted, giving Marco a harder shove, and with quick thinking, grabbed two plastic grocery bags off the table and tied them around Marco's hands. "Can't trap me in a corner anymore, loser. We're getting you back to your room."

Tom dragged the resisting Marco up the stairs and shoved him in his room, pressing the lock before closing it and leaning on it, keeping Marco in.

There's pounds on the door again, Tom rolling his eyes at the useless effort.

"You're not getting out this time, Diaz."

Tom didn't know how long it had been after that. All he heard was rustling and pounding on the other side of the door. It must've been an hour before the door was busted open again.

Tom didn't have the time to register what was happening before he was pinned to the ground by Marco.

"Marco!" Tom shouted, and tried to push him off. It didn't work, and so Tom kicked and pushed, trying to get Marco off without hurting him.

This went on for about a minute before a lot more hearts poured out of Marco's face.

Tom shielded his face as the hearts fell on him, and then Marco dropped onto Tom's chest unconscious.

It was a few seconds of Tom spitting out Marco's hearts when Marco let out a groan.

"Ughh, what happened?" Marco asked, rubbing his eyes and looking down at Tom.

Oh shit, Marco thought, as he realized where he was.

His eyes widened as he scooted back. He remembered a few glimpses of what had happened.

"Oh god, Tom I am so sor-"

"It's fine, Marco," Tom said. "Could've done with a heads up about you liking guys, though."

"Dude I- how are you so cool with this?"

"It's just Mewberty, no big deal."

"But I li..." Marco started, but didn't finish. He vividly remembered all the attention Star paid to Oskar, and he just did the same to Tom. But maybe Tom didn't know that part. Has he ever been around someone in Mewberty? Probably not.

"You what?"

"Never mind," Marco said.

"No, what were you gonna say?"

"It's not important," Marco said.

"Were you gonna say you liked me?" Tom asked, hopefully.

"Wha- um," Marco said, looking away. "Yeah, I-, I was."

"Really?" Tom asked.

Marco buried his face in his knees. "Yes," he whispered.

Tom crawled over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey."

Marco looked up just a little bit.

"I like you too."

[in-pride-i-dont-believe-the-hype]

Can Anyone Else Relate?

Yall.... I had a an eye opening moment a few days ago....

So, I've identified as Pan-Demiromantic for about... let's say 2 years

And recently I've revoked that thought

It was about 7am, I was scrolling through tumblr and came across a few aroace posts. Usually I could sort of relate to them. Im asexual, and I was pan-demiromantic but I've never actually been interested in having a romantic relationship. So I related to aromantics by sharing similar sentiments.

However... I started to think about it. And tbh I've doubted before if I even was demiromantic. Whenever I pictured myself in a relationship, I either do 1 of a few things.

Cringe because physical affection (i.e kissing)

Cringe cause relationships sounded unnecessary and like a lot of work

Find comfort in something that didn't necessarily have any romantic elements (usually 0 elements)

Whats worse is that I dont really know the difference between romance and friendship. Sure you can make it oversimplified and say romance is when you wanna kiss someone or something. But there's too many variables to think about.

There are a lot of similarities between the 2. Deep connection, loyalty, foundational trust, support, etc.

Sex isn't a component necessary to romance

People just don't like physical affection. They just might not be comfortable with kisses and such

Some people are just really affectionate! Doesn't mean its romance (i.e a friend leaning on a shoulder while they watch a movie is necessarily romantic.)

The idea of soulmates is usually associated with a lover, but a soulmate can be a best friend! There are times when people treasure their friendship more than their romantic relationship.

So to me there was no discernable difference really. Its just whatever label you slapped on it. And that made me realize romance just isn't a thing in my world. I never understood the hype or the purpose. I kinda hate romance shows/ or shows like the Bachelorette cause I never understood the deep desire to have that relationship, so I never understood why they tried so hard. It annoyed and confused me. Personally, friendships are just as fulfilling as a lover. I dont have another half. Im whole on my own, there isn't anything missing.

And a few times I'd confuse me liking a character for me having a crush on them. First time that happened it was Donatello from tmnt 💀(I was like 10 alright). So yeah, I realized im pretty bad at identifying my own emotions lol (had to have someone explain to me that the deep feeling in ur chest was usually anxiety)

But yeah, that's how I realized I was aromantic. Deep thoughts always be coming out at the weirdest times.

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - Emmett's Birthday

*Warning Adult Content*

Finnegan

It's his fucking birthday.

Correction, yesterday was his fucking birthday.

Seriously?

Who? Who doesn't TELL their boyfriend about their birthday?

I'm rushing and it takes forever to undo the buttons on my shirt and I have no idea what to put on now.

I'm just going to keep stripping and decide later.

"Are you the kind of person who wants to be left alone when they're mad or should I come up there so you can yell at me properly?" Emmett hollers up the stairs.

I'm usually a yeller.

I prefer to handle shit when it happens, that's how I run my business too but I'm not really mad.

I'm disappointed.

I guess pills can't fix everything.

"You should have told me."

I doubt he'll hear me.

I don't even know if I want him to but he does because he pokes his head in the door a second later.

"I see that, yeah."

"I would have gone out with you last night."

I had no idea when he offered to do something that he wanted to or at least that he'd told Andy he would, go out.

I feel horrible for deciding to stay in.

He could have said something.

"I only offered because I wanted you to have some fun, I had no idea he'd care, honestly. He found out my birthday last year and I guess he put it in his phone or something, I didn't expect him to do anything except maybe punch me in the arm if he actually remembered."

He sits down on the bed but I'm not done glaring at him.

"I would have gotten you a present."

I don't know why I'm starting there but shit is flying through my brain and I latch on to that.

"We went to the beach and you got me a PlayStation. That's a hell of a present, darling. I'm sorry you're upset, I am. It's just not a big deal to me. I don't know when yours is, either."

I would get him a hell of a lot more than a console but no, he'd argue about that too.

"Because it's not for..."

Mental calculations that shouldn't be so hard ensue and I come up with...

"Five months. It's in January, not yesterday."

Yesterday was the eighth.

Eight-eight, easy to remember.

Too bad he wasn't born in '88.

It's his birthday and he should get to spend it the way he wants to but it's just more of him not letting me do anything for him and I've had a crappy week, a beyond shitty week and it would have been really nice to do something to take my mind off of it.

We had a perfectly nice day but I would have taken him out to celebrate at least.

Who makes dinner on their own birthday?

I feel bad, like I forgot about it and screwed up his birthday even though I didn't... it was his choice.

It's not fair.

"It's not fair."

"What isn't, darling?"

"That I didn't get to have fun on your birthday. I don't care if you don't want to celebrate it... birthdays are like funerals... they're for other people to enjoy."

I didn't mean to be funny but he is laughing his ass off.

He looks at me, tries to stop but fails horribly and ends up lying on the bed.

"For other people. God you're so funny, Finnegan."

He's down to just chuckling when he sits up so it's an improvement.

"And the hands on your hips with just boxers and dress socks on, God darling, you're adorable."

"Don't call me adorable, I'm mad at you."

He's right though... I missed the sock gap. He doesn't look sorry but he says he is.

"I'm sorry. Finnegan. You have enough on your plate without worrying about planning some birthday thing that I don't want or need."

That's it... I launch my socks at him.

He ducks and throws his hands up to cover his face which is funny because they're socks... Socks.

I didn't even wear them for that long.

You know how sometimes ideas pop into your head and once they do, you can't shake them because it seems so obvious that it should have been there all along?

Andy brought him cake on his birthday.

I know exactly zero straight dudes who take their friends cake.

"Is Andy gay?"

Or bi or pan... I mean who knows.

But not-straight is what I'm getting at.

That gets his attention.

"What? No."

"Does he have a girlfriend? Date?"

"No... not really. He's sort of shy with the ladies."

"Uh huh."

I decide to drop it.

It doesn't matter, not really but I think Andy has a little bit of a crush on my man.   

I want to see if Emmett brings it up again later.

I wanna know what his brain does with the info since he's known Andy much longer.

"So you really don't want to celebrate your birthday? You're just gonna eat a sad piece of bad cake?"

He smiles.

"You can have it."

Huh?

"No thanks."

"Hey, what is it?"

He walks over and puts his hands on my shoulders.

Do I look as sad as I feel?

I must.

"I just wish you'd let me do something for you, Emmett. You're taking such good care of me and I feel like I'm... I don't know. I'm not doing anything right lately and I'm always playing catch-up."

"That's not true, at least not here. Is work a mess? You've been putting in some long hours."

We haven't talked, haven't really had time and when I've had time, I haven't wanted to think about it.

"There are some issues. I just... I can't fix that but I can take care of you and you won't let me."

"Funny that you say that because I feel the same way, Finnegan."

[heartbeatbookclub]

2, 21, 27

(this is for the writing asks in case u couldn’t tell)

(me seeing this ask in my inbox after reblogging the post again)

2. What are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? What would you avoid writing about?

That's a good question. I don't typically think about stuff I dislike in a story, hmm...Well, I've already talked about a good bit I dislike in popular interpretations by the DDLC fandom, but a big thing I don't like that I don't think I've mentioned is the tendency a lot of writers in the fandom have to simplify or soften the harsher elements of DDLC to something more easily understandable.

That's not exactly a surprising thing in my opinion, but it's still annoying, typically. Like you can describe these things, like "Sayori has depression", or "Natsuki has a bad relationship with her dad", and people toss these ideas into their fic based on that without forethought of how that might impact each characters' reaction to things, at least beyond a surface level.

These serious issues impact each character's personality in incredibly complex ways which make them each compelling, but more often than not, they're either used for some kind of torture porn, or they're more or less a background element to whatever story they're trying to tell. It frustrates me to see, because within + especially, they're written incredibly well!

In general, I guess my biggest pet peeve is stories that don't respect the idea of "suspension of disbelief". I'm a bit of a stickler for stories that feel grounded in some kind of reality, or at least being consistent in that respect. Broadly speaking, I don't use this as a hard and fast rule for everything (I'm willing to give exceptions to fanfiction that I like in spite of it for one reason or another), but typically that's what annoys me most in a story that isn't outright bad.

I typically avoid writing things I'm not passionate about, or things I don't feel comfortable with. Not necessarily that I don't feel comfortable with the subject matter, more that I don't think it's my place to write it. They say write what you know, and if I have to do a shitload of research to be sure I'm doing it right, I'm probably not going to write about it.

21. How do you come up with titles? Do you use placeholders or tend to change your titles when writing the first draft?

I will be the first to say that I'm TERRIBLE with titling things. I have like 15 separate Untitled Documents in my Google Drive, all of varying subjects, all of varying length & quality. I have a document right now just titled "ddlc fics" and it's where I keep a bunch of separate outlines and drafts for concepts I have. The same goes for works of visual art--my portfolio has like 5 separate "untitled"s.

I'm a very spontaneous kind of writer. I get an idea which stops me dead in my tracks, and I have to do something for it. I open up an untitled document and just slap some words onto the page. Sometimes I do placeholder titles just for the sake of being able to find it later, often I just leave it until I can think of a more proper title.

Typically this doesn't pan out, hence the lack of titles, though I often like the result of the writing.

I'm a huge fan of one word titles. Rather than trying to put together a full sentence or some clever wordplay, I can just assign one word to a fic which entirely defines the vibe. I'm a big fan of language, and one of my favorite things is how single words can carry so much meaning.

I usually only title things when I intend to publish/finish them. More frequently, concepts just get little fragments which I never publish anywhere. Maybe I'll put some of those somewhere visible.

27. Do you have playlists for your wip? What are some of the songs in it?

Not typically! I sometimes will put together a specific soundtrack fitting to certain vibes within something I'm writing to then post in the fic (I used to do this more often), but it depends on my dedication to the vibe & the songs I have available for it.

The one other fic on my AO3 currently makes use of this to great effect, or so I'm told.

I don't typically actively listen to music while writing, because it distracts me & makes it more difficult to clarify my thoughts. Writing is the one thing I don't typically do with some kind of background noise, actually!

If I do, it's usually something really chill and low volume, just for the vibes. Usually it involves classical music, or vaporwave, or just my "mellow tunes" playlist.

Here's some from there.

I have a lot of music I could recommend people, really, but that's not what this blog's for... :>

[nik-jr-musings]

I usually don't remember my dreams – lately I have been.

I wake up in a panic, thinking I've been fired or my sister hates me or my study partner has already passed the exam and left me behind or my mom suspects I'm not totally straight.

I stare up at the dark ceiling and a part of me wants to cry but the tears don't come. My mother's disgusted face is burned into my mind. It's 4am on the nose and I have work in the morning. My heart is racing. All tiredness is gone and I stare unblinkingly until the alarm goes off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's not that I have a problem with being bi. I've known for years, and I've accepted that it's not a phase; it's part of who I am. Have I ever come out to anyone about it? Well...no, not really. But it never seemed relevant or the right time, and now I'm with him and have no plans on splitting so there's really no point in telling people.

Sometimes I walk around the empty apartment and say it – just to get it out. I can't help but wonder if spirits or angels or whatever you want to call it are real and if they hear me say it. I wonder if they judge me. But, fuck it, they're dead or at least not physically here so who cares if they don't like it? Who cares if they don't believe me?

"I like women." I rinse the toothpaste out of my mouth and look at myself in the mirror. There are dark circles under my eyes. My face is puffy. My mouth is stupidly chapped. I wonder if I'll get that terrible eczema above my mouth again.

"I. Like. Women." It's more forceful this time. I can't help but wonder if my neighbors can hear me in the hallway. I wonder whether I care if they hear.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My cousin is like me; she came out to her mom as bi when she was in high school, something like 8 years ago. My aunt called my mom to tell her, and I remember the way my body froze when my mom told us. I remember her scoff. I remember the banging of pots and pans and her huffy, "my sister is such a damn pushover – what does that even mean?!" According to my mother, you can be straight or gay and that's it. If you claim to be anything else you're just a slut with no morals, and eventually you'll end up batting for one of the two teams so you never really were "bIsExuAl" – you were just a confused whore.

My cousin has had a boyfriend for a few years now, and my mom tells me that she was straight all along but just "wanted to be different" for awhile. When she says shit like that it reminds me why I left.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've always been a private person. Not just about relationships or crushes or whatever, but about all sorts of stuff. Even with him or my sister or my close college friends, I don't talk much about my life. A lot of the time it just doesn't feel important or interesting or, in all honesty, I just don't feel like talking about it. Sometimes I feel hopeless and empty when I realize that there's so much of my life and myself that is completely unknown to others. I feel like I could die today and those closest to me wouldn't truly know my weaknesses or desires or insecurities. And that feeling fucking sucks.

But there's another part of me that kind of finds it poetic, that thinks that secrets are special and beautiful and it helps me to feel like I actually own myself, own my life. Others can't claim me, can't have control or power over me, if they don't know me.

I think of the fact that only I, along with whatever spirits or angels or whatever you call them or maybe there's nothing at all, hear those words come out of my mouth, and I think there's something special in that. Those words are mine. I don't feel like I need to yell from rooftops tell my friends or, heaven forbid, my mother. It's real, it's not a phase, it's not a lie; it's me.

I like women.

12/1/2023

[nokingsonlyfooles]

OK! The current brain condition is +/-15 hours away from a dose, taken before bed with food and no chocolate this time. Well I did have cake for dessert so probably non-zero chocolate in the system, but just cocoa powder. So let's keep talking about things!

The anxiety is definitely up and down based on context. Stuff that I'm used to doing, like a long stint of creativity, is making me feel unsteady and weird. The parts of the process that are challenging (like starting tasks) are offering me less or a different kind of resistance, and it feels like I'm gonna fall and break. I think it's most evident in talking out loud. That feels easier, and I do NOT trust that. Like: oh, God, why do I have all these words now, I'm going to pick the wrong ones! It's as if someone replaced my stick shift with an automatic and I've never driven one of those. I need to pop the clutch or I'll grind the gears! Where's the clutch?!?

Or maybe it's like going from a bumper car to an actual car? This thing has the ability to veer into traffic and really hurt me or someone else! Put me back in the limited machine that bangs me into walls all the time, I'm used to it! I mean, that sucks and gives me anxiety, too, but being used to it seems to make up for a lot. I can probably learn to drive, but... Wow, I put off actual driving for so long due to anxiety. I quit trying to learn a bunch of times. I hope it won't be like that.

Adding chocolate and other things to the dose is called stacking, and it's based in folk knowledge. It's real hard to do research with "illegal drugs" so I'm willing to forgive a lack of specific studies for the moment. If I start seeing a lot of research that says it's BS, I'll adjust. Until then, mushrooms have had a place in folk medicine for a long time and I'll try their suggestions, even without data on what works and why. I might do better with less or no chocolate, but three doses isn't much for a sample size. I'm still throwing things at the wall to see what sticks.

I think some of the side effects are down to the fact that I've got more than one weird thing going on. When the spouse read that thing about not hearing the music, he said that's kinda how it works for him. He's also on the autism spectrum, but they'd label him as higher functioning than me, and he doesn't test ADHD positive. I used to perceive everything coming at me all the time, but right now, when I see something interesting, the other stuff is, like, GONE. It's there, but it's gone. I don't know how else to express that! It's weird and I'm not used to it!

I also think I'm gonna be an every-other-day type person, if I stick with it. In the last few hours, I really start to lose traction, and going back to normal (normal for me) feels like a rubber band snapping back and hitting me in the face. Like, maybe even less functional than usual. Last night, putting dinner away, I froze up because I couldn't fit two slices of loaf in one container and if I couldn't fit two slices, we wouldn't have enough containers, and that's as far as I got. I just yelled "I don't know what to do!" while laughing at the absurdity.

The spouse came in and said we could just put one slice in every container. "Noooo," I said, still laughing. I could already see what he was gonna do. "That's not the same color! There's not enough!" He pulled down the container that was a different size and colour and I was like, "What is wrong with you? I can't deal with this! I can't watch this! I have to leave!" Still exaggerating to be silly, but I don't think I could've put food away in that wrong-colour container if I had to. I would've put everything back in the pan or just walked away, like, "Actually, we don't need leftovers." That's where my brain was, and that feels so dumb now.

Oh, God. Oh, Jesus Christ. That container that's the wrong colour would've fit two slices. It's big enough. We could've put two slices in one big container, and one slice in two small containers, and that's the smart thing because it takes up less room and uses fewer dishes... WTF. NEITHER of us saw that? AND NOW I DO?? I think he got locked into "one slice per container" like I got locked into "these containers are for the loaf." Or maybe he was distracted because I scared him by getting less functional so fast like that. (Sorry, babe!)

Ya know, any post where I talk about this is just gonna be long as hell because I'm having complex revelations in realtime. Am I even remembering that right? *wanders off to check fridge* Yes. Yes I am. I couldn't see it before, now I do. I have become slightly less stupid about how to put meatloaf away. I can't fix it now, but it's interesting. I could just be like this, huh? As long as the drugs hold out, and I could grow my own if I had to.

My brain now has two modes like my US/CAN keyboard! I get to pick one! Toggling back and forth is uncomfortable, but we'll see how it changes as I adjust. Gonna be a weird couple of months!

How D'ya Like THEM Apples?

So, trying the decriminalized mushrooms in tiny doses for the ADHD (because, in my particular situation, going to a doctor for this might be hazardous to my health in general). The first time I took them before bed, with chocolate, and that upset my stomach a little so I decided to take them with breakfast like they suggested in the instructions (not really a breakfast person). Not an improvement, they upset my stomach more and made me anxious all day yesterday. Can't know if I'm getting used to them or I need to figure out the best way to take them.

Still slightly anxious today, but able to roll with it.

So, here's the deal. A while back, the spouse and I discussed what the prompt "imagine an apple" gets you, in your brain. He can imagine an apple at will. I found out, I can't. I need context. What's it for? Do you want my culture's Platonic ideal of "apple" or are you going to the store and you need to know what's a good one to buy? Do I need to get taste and texture involved here or is it more like set dressing? With some context, I can kinda get you an apple, but it's indistinct.

And I thought, "Ahaaa! That's that 'imagination deficit' they want to see to diagnose the autism. That's what that is! I can't cough up unlimited specific apples without specific contexts for each one, and even then it's not so good!"

But, after that first microdose, while heading off to sleep, I thought to myself, to pass the time, "Hey, wonder if I can imagine an apple any better?" And, uh, I COULD? Unlimited specific apples, no context. I mentioned that to the spouse, and he said, "Can you still do it now?" And, yes. Yes I can. +/-36 hours away from the second tiny dose of mushroom, and I can give you unlimited specific apples, if you need me to imagine that for some reason.

And... It kinda feels nonsensical that I couldn't do that before? Yeah, apples. There's lots. Just pick one. But I know I couldn't. Not even for the sake of a person who would be satisfied with any imaginary apple. Like, I could imagine the shittiest apple and that would be fine, it would be a judgment free zone! But I remember I couldn't do it. I needed a better prompt.

That thing with the apples is not something I've heard about for ADHD, but I did just barely get an internet diagnosis on that (thanks, @kithpendragon), and I only ordered the stuff because my THC vendor has it. I need the THC to keep from waking up from the edge of sleep with a gasp and heart palpitations, fearing to be harmed. If you spend $200 and stock up, they send you more THC as a surprise! That's a good deal! I like not having panic attacks! For months at a time! I'm not liking the stomach ache and anxiety from the mushrooms, but this thing with the apples makes me feel functional and cool. I don't wanna lose that!

I'm kinda concerned I'm gonna end up doing a real Flowers for Algernon here if I can't tolerate the mushrooms, or they go illegal again because politics. Like, I'm not sure how well the brain differences will play with my creativity and productivity. I need to draw things and go shopping and make dinner, ya know? Lots of different stuff. I seem to be able to do laundry and write a long-ass Tumblr post, but I need long-term data on that. In any case, five days a week is the maximum recommended dose and I gotta take breaks or I'll build up a tolerance.

I may end up looking forward to my meds like that one Tumblrite in my feed the other day, even if they make my stomach hurt! Or I may end up trading one kind of imagination for another and going back and forth indefinitely. I'd prefer the former, but I gotta wait and see.😅

[omnisexualcultureis]

Omnisexual culture is constantly having to explain yourself as “pan buuuut a little different” to everyone you come out to

gosh, yeah :/

[whysojiminimnida]

Okay honestly I know lots of people don't like to touch this topic with a 10 foot pole because it's kinda invasive and more tricky to maneuver than questioning/assuming any of the boys are not straight probably because attraction to others is more outward and people tend to be more uncomfortable w. trans shit so I don't blame you if you wanna ignore this but I can't lie there's a significant part of me hesitant to label Jungkook gay gay specifically because of Jimin. His bigender tattoo lives rent free in my mind and as a person of slight gender identity fuckery I physically cannot wrap my mind around a completely 110% cis person ever doing that especially with his words about expressing things he couldn't before and the effort to show it off during the photoshoot and other times when he talked about his personal journey. On the lowest of keys it just feels like he got a lil sum going on in there if that makes sense so I personally like to leave space for that when thinking about Jk's obvious attraction to him but at the same time I honest to god do get why people think he's full on gay and as a bi person erasure irritates my soul so usually I'm the first person to call people out for disregarding or flat out ignoring mspec identities but I can't lie that he generally doesn't seem very interested in most women as far as I've seen like I fully agree with people who aren't seeing it lol but I've also also seen him with pink purple and blue strands in his hair and that kinda stuck out to me idk I'm kinda rambling the most important thing is that we all agree he's 'gay' in the sense that he's obviously attracted to men because that in itself makes him part of the lgbtq community regardless of the specifics of his personal identity

I hear what you're saying, anon. I have said before that I thought Jimin had bi or pan possibilities for me and his gender, although he identifies publicly as male, could very easily be fluid or he could fall somewhere on a genderqueer spectrum. But he has clued us in on bigender concepts in a pretty big way twice. Once in the 2019 (released in January 2020) 6th ARMY.ZIP photoshoot, and again with Filter.

For the 6th ARMY.ZIP "Young Forever: Mono" photo spread, Jimin requested the tattoos that were drawn on his skin. Not "oh hey draw me some tats" but specifically "I want these ones", reportedly. We see the moon. We see hashtags. We see "Lie" and "Youth" and cute lil knuckle tats like someone else we know. "Love" is written on the inside of his fingers. And we see a bigender symbol, sometimes (but not usually) also used for bisexuality. And about this Jimin said:

Okay then. The story of his life written on his skin. Could account for the mirror shot, which I find to be rather compelling:

THEN we got Filter. With the Illecebra and Arcanus. The costume changes into mens and womens pieces with accompanying changes in tone and demeanor. The ending quickchange into jewel tones (red and purple) with THAT choreography. I don't think one can come up with MORE bigender-coded performance art.

I mean Y'ALL. WATCH THAT CHOREO if you don't like studying Latin or looking at clothes or listening/reading lyrics. And I don't mean to gloss over Jimin's possible bisexuality. He has coded for it. I've discussed it before, but just for reference, the famous bisexual/pansexual Butter rainbow hair:

I do personally think Jimin's primary preference is men because, duh. His primary preference is Jungkook. Whoever Jungkook is seems to be just fine with him. Now, as it relates to Jungkook. JeiKei could very easily just be in love with Jimin, and whoever Jimin is, also fine with him. I've seen that called "Jiminsexual" and I think it speaks to pan orientation and is an oversimplified but kinda okay interpretation of the data we have. Jungkook also identifies publicly as male. He has not said anything beyond that he's a cis man who, as nearly as we can tell, is into men in general and Jimin specifically. Could that change? Sure. Is that the whole truth? Very possibly not. He has toyed with looking pretty in long hair and liking his makeup and wanting his nails done and wearing pretty women's clothes. But where you were going, anon, is that Jungkook could be bi or pan or that his sexual orientation, not his gender identity, might not be 100% gay if he's into Jimin and Jimin is bigender or genderqueer. And that is valid. I feel like the Jeon-Parks are better described as a queer couple than as a gay couple. To our eyes they appear gay: two dicks one relationship looks pretty gay to most folks. It's an easy descriptor and from an anatomy standpoint it's also a correct one. But to fully embrace the Jeon-Parks is to embrace their otherness in all areas, not just one or two, and it's very likely that their relationship has deep, private layers about which we are not going to ever be enlightened. You think homosexuality is tough in Korea, I think we all know that trans or other gender identity is not acceptable. So perhaps "queer" is the better word.

[the-pan-god]

(sorry this post is different to my usual posts!)

so i was originally gonna make a comic explaining different reasons one may use an mspec gay label (e.g. bi lesbian) but it appears my computer isn't working & because of that i'm unable to access that w.i.p. comic, but i still thought the list i wrote could be helpful, so instead, i've opted to make it a text post :]

first off: if you don't know, "mspec" is short for multi-spectrum, & it describes anyone who experiences attraction to multiple genders (bi, pan, omni, ply, etc). for this post, "gay" will be used to describe anyone w/ same-gender attraction (lesbian [wlw], turian [mlm], cenelian [nblnb], etc). so, an "mspec gay" is someone who uses both of these terms to describe oneself. why would one use both? well, here's a list of possible reasons:

one uses the split-attraction model (so, multisexual homoromantic or vice-versa &/or differing tertiary attractions).

one is mspec but has a strong preference for the same gender- strong enough one doesn't feel comfortable just saying mspec but can't just say gay as one has other attractions.

one who has a fluid attraction & switches between mspec & gay. one may find it tedious to change one's label every time it switches, but may want to be more specific than abro-.

one who has gay attraction to a binary gender as well as (that gender)-aligned non-binary people (or nbs in general), & doesn't wanna lump in nbs w/ that gender.

one who is multigender &/or genderfluid & experiences attraction to multiple genders one also experiences... so, one experiences gay attraction to multiple genders (e.g. wlw & nblnb at the same time/switches between)

one who is mspec but wants to highlight/emphasize one's gay attraction, as one may find it more important than one's other attractions.

one who is mspec but only desires to act on one's gay attraction, aka one is orchid- towards genders except those similar to one's own.

one who is attracted to multigender &/or genderfluid individuals & therefore can experience both gay & non-gay attraction towards the same person (either simultaneously or switches between).

one who originally thought one was gay, however has since found out one's actually mspec, but still feels attachment to the gay label.

one who uses the gay label to describe one's current or desired relationship(s), instead of one's attraction (e.g. "i'm in a gay relationship.").

one who is questioning & is temporarily using both labels to see how they fit.

one who simply prefers both labels, or any other reason one may want to use both!

but yeah, that's all the reasons i could come up w/ off the top of my head.

it's important to remember that labels mean different things to different individuals- so, for example, if being a lesbian means something to you, it can mean something completely different to someone else. labels aren't meant to be conformed to, they're meant for you to conform around yourself- labels aren't meant for you to feel trapped, they're meant for you to feel comfortable.

because of this, it is important to not gatekeep others out of a label just because they don't fit in it the exact same way you do, or don't use the exact same definition of it you do. as frankly, gatekeeping what labels other folks use, when there's literally no way to know why exactly those folks choose to use it, because you don't know them, is weird.

anyways, that's the end of the post, i hope it helps someone out there who was wondering about the label :D

[xneens]

side to side

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 4.6k

Summary: In which you're performing your hit single in front of your fellow Avengers cast-mates and Chris can't seem to take his eyes off of you, catching the attention of a few cameras.

"I'm here with the biggest pop-star of this generation, and she plays the very talented daughter of Tony Stark," the interviewer announced your name, smiling brightly at you as the camera panned your way. The hundreds of thousands of fans at home screaming when your face appeared. "How do you feel with all your nominations tonight?"

You smiled at the camera, giving a small wave at the people watching at home. "Honestly, I'm just glad I was even considered for these nominations. I mean, my girls Taylor, and Billie...they're amazing and I'm so happy to be put in the same category as them."

The lady grinned at you, her eyes twinkling. Or maybe it was her sparkly dress, the fabric nearly blinding you with how it shined under the lights. "If you ask me, you've got a pretty good chance at winning. I mean, your hit single—Side to Side—surpassed, like, a billion views in just a month? That's impressive."

"Well, I couldn't have done it without my fans." you replied, winking at the camera.

It was that time of the year again, where every artist, actor, and YouTuber hit the stage for the People's Choice Awards. With your crazy schedule, and the lack of sleep, you had planned to skip the award show until your friend, and co-star, Chris Evans—Captain America himself—convinced you otherwise. Even with the categories you've been nominated for had been more than a handful, but it was the begging and constant complaining from Chris that made you get off your tired ass and put it into a tight dress.

Your hit single, Side to Side, had everyone anticipated for your performance, unsure if you would be performing until the producers had put your name into the advertisement, making fans blow up Twitter. You were sure they had advertised your own song, along with your movie nominations, more than you ever had.

With nominations of Movie of the Year (Avengers: Infinity War), Action Movie of the Year (Avengers: Infinity War), Female Movie Star of the Year (Amara Stark), Female Artist of the Year, Song of the Year (Side to Side), Music Video of the Year (Into You), Beauty Influencer of the Year, and Social Celebrity of the Year, you had your hands full, which had only made your manager glow with happiness.

"Of course!" the interviewer agreed, glancing at the teleprompter filled with tiny words. "It was rumored that you wouldn't be coming, and a lot of us were upset, including me. Was that just a rumor or..."

"Actually, it's not that far off. I'm fucking—oh, shit—oh no!" you gasped, covering your mouth before anymore foul words could come out on live television. Instead of correcting you, the lady laughed, patting your arm softly. "Can't say that on tv. My bad. I, uh, with everything going on, I've been really tired, and I haven't slept in a week. I just wanted to chill, and accept my nominations at home but someone convinced me to come. So, if I say or do anything ridiculous tonight, I'm blaming him and my lack of sleep."

She nodded, clapping slowly. "I think that's fair. Is that someone, your onscreen father, RDJ?"

"He was one of the many people who unsuccessfully changed my mind, but no, it was Chris Evans. He promised me a day with his adorable dog, Dodger, and I couldn't refuse." you said, grinning at how his face had changed from hopeless to cocky as soon as he brought up Dodger.

"If I'm remembering this correctly, Chris Evans is that very handsome man you had kissed in your music video earlier this year. Into You, right? How do you feel kissing one of your co-stars outside of the movies your working on?"

"Technically, it was still acting, and I have kissed him before, so it wasn't awkward at all." you answered, glad Chris had accepted the role. Not only had it sky-rocketed the views and streams, but it made you feel better that it was his lips you were kissing and not a random model's. Yet, it didn't feel as professional as it had before when you pulled away after a take.

In scenes where you had to kiss the Boston actor, it was as professional as kicking Anthony Mackie's ass in Civil War but the kisses you shared on the set of the music video was definitely more personal. At the time, you had brushed it off as Chris being recently single, but now that you had broken up with Henry, you started questioning it again.

The interviewer nodded, squinting once more to read the words off the teleprompter before asking you another question that would certainly make the headlines. "I've been reading up on all those juicy tabloids and I've got one question that would satisfy my curiosity. Was Into You written about Henry Cavill or Tom Ellis?"

Usually, that type of question made you change the subject or altogether avoid the matter but this time, you wanted to joke about your failed engagement. "Henry, but Side to Side was written about Tom since I wanted more Grammy's considering the last album I put out won me a few. But this time, I'm gonna do it without an engagement."

The woman faked a laugh, surprised by the blunt honesty of your answer. "Um, you certainly do have a thing for British men, eh? I don't want to keep you up, but one more thing, for the fans. They've been dying to know if there's anything going on between you and Chris Evans. Any tea you wanna spill?"

"There's none to spill. We're just friends but it's always amusing scrolling through Twitter to find these edits of us." you replied, fidgeting slightly with the hem of your dress. Like usual, you had wondered if you should've worn something less extra but you had let your stylist play dress up with you for the past few months.

"Of course. Well, good luck to you, and I can't wait to see your performance." she said, giving you a little pat on the shoulders before announcing your name once again.

You got off the little platform, immediately taking Chris' awaiting hand, holding onto it as you climbed down the steps in your dangerous stilettos. Sighing, you leaned on him, trying to avoid the blinding camera flashes. "That was more exhausting than I thought it would be. You need to get me some caffeine after this is over because there's no way I'm making it to the after show without at least a few cans of Red Bull."

"So dramatic." Chris grinned, childishly sticking his tongue out as he guided you down the red carpet, stopping when told to take a picture. He let go of your hand, only to wrap it around your waist as you posed for the pictures. "Are you going to the after party?"

Posing seriously for a few seconds, you let your smile back on your face, facing the man beside you. "I was thinking about it, take a few photos, and head back home. Aren't you?"

"Actually, I was thinking we could ditch it and just hang out. You know, I did promise you some time with Dodger and you could waste a couple hours sleeping." he replied, his hand tightening ever so slightly on your waist. Flashing you a shit-eating smirk, he nudged you a little, pulling you away from the blinding flashes. "What do you say?"

You opened your mouth to answer only to be cut off by your manager, Alexandre coming out of nowhere to rip you away from Chris' arms. The latin man sighed in annoyance, glancing at his watch while giving you the look you've seen too many times before. "You're supposed to be in wardrobe right now. Get your ass backstage, and change before you miss your own performance. As for you, Mr. Evans, Megan wants your ass in a chair."

"I'll see you after." you say, getting dragged by your manager, winking at the actor before walking towards the changing area, the cameras following you until they couldn't enter the area.

Getting ready before a huge performance always calmed you down, maybe it was the smell of makeup or the feel of designer clothing made especially for you, but something about it made you feel comfortable and cozy. It was like a routine, especially with all the music videos and movies you had to film, the makeup, the hair.

They made you sit back, giving you your phone like a child while they made you even more sparkly than before, making sure you'd stand out against the flashing lights during the performance. A performance you made sure no one would ever forget. Smiling, you let your thoughts drift back to a certain super soldier as you were pampered.

—

"Welcome to the People's Choice Awards!"

The room darkened, the blue and pinks lights focusing on the stage as cameras all turned towards your shadow. Making sure your mic was set properly, tried to see past the darkness, to see a familiar face or two but with the headache coming on from the tight half-ponytail didn't help your case. The music started, the beat vibrating, you flipped your hair, and started.

"I've been there all night

I've been there all day (Nicki Minaj)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side (Let then hoes know)"

You rode the bike, belting out in your microphone, the attached headset limiting your movements a little. Gripping the handles, you made eye contact at the camera to your left, winking at it as you pedaled.

"I'm talkin' to ya

See you standing over there with your body

Feeling like I wanna rock with your body

And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin'

I'm comin' at ya

'Cause I know you got a bad reputation

Doesn't matter, 'cause you give me temptation

And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin'"

As you had sung, your eyes had adjusted to the bright spotlight focused on you, seeing a shadow of the one person you wanted to make you walk side to side. While you had answered the reporter's question, you hadn't been completely honest. Some of the lyrics had been written for the Bostonian; or to be more exact, your sex fantasies. With the chorus coming up, you let go of the handles, trying not to fall on your ass as you clapped your hands above your head, the claps matching the beat.

"These friends keep talkin' way too much

Say I should give you up

Can't hear them, no, 'cause I..."

Trying to be bold, you stared at him, his face in particular. The spotlight had blinded you so much that you couldn't see what his reaction was—or anyone's for that matter—but maybe it was a good thing. After all, his gaze always made you blush no matter how hard you tried not to. Pedaling faster, you threw your head back, hoping the motion would draw everyone's—Chris'—eyes on your chest.

"I've been here all night

I've been here all day

And boy, got me walkin' side to side

I've been here all night

I've been here all day

And boy, got me walkin' side to side"

With the help of a shirtless dancer, you got off your bike, taking the sheer jacket from him, and putting it on as you walked towards the front of the stage, moving your hips in to the beat of the song. Resting a hand on a shirtless dancer, you positioned yourself so you were grinding your ass against his crotch, throwing back an arm around his neck.

"Been tryna hide it

Baby, what's it gonna hurt if they don't know?

Makin' everybody think that we solo

Just as long as you know you got me

And boy, I got ya

'Cause tonight I'm making deal with the devil

And I know it's gonna get me in trouble

Just as long as you know you got me"

Sashaying to the little balance beam at the front of the stage, you made sure your hips swayed more than usual.

"These friends keep talkin' way too much

Say I should give you up

Can't hear them, no, 'cause I...

"I've been here all night

I've been here all day

And boy, got me walkin' side to side

I've been here all night

I've been here all day

And boy, got me walkin' side to side"

A few seconds after your note ended, you strike a pose on the balance beam, posing for a few more seconds while the cameras turned their attention away from you and onto the queen of rap herself: Nicki Minaj. The leather, pink bodysuit was identical to yours except for the color, her attitude fitting the badass outfit. She began to walk towards the stage, never breaking eye contact with the camera in front of her while the men pretending to work out to the choreo.

"Uh, yeah

This the new style with the fresh type of flow

Wrist icicle, ride dick bicycle

Come through yo, get you this type of blow

If you want a ménage, I got a tricycle

All these bitches' flows is my mini-me

Body smoking, so they call me Young Nicki Chimney

Rappers in they feelings 'cause they feelin' me

Uh, I-I give zero fucks and I got zero chill in me

Kissing me, copped the blue box that say Tiffany

Curry with the shot, just tell 'em to call me Stephanie

Gun pop, then I make my gum pop

I'm the queen of rap"

By the time she had finished her verse, you had caught up with the multitasking of both working out and singing, able to use your full singing capabilities for your high note. Nicki joined you on stage, hyping up the crowd while you built up for the high note, almost every camera pointed at you except for the one focused on capturing the headline-worthy expression slapped on Chris' face.

"These friends keep talkin' way too much

Say I should give em up

Can't hear them, no, 'cause I...

"I've been here all night (Been here all night, baby)

I've been here all day (Been here all night, baby)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side (Side to side)

I've been here all night (Been here all night, baby)

I've been here all day (Been here all day, baby) (Ooh, baby)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side (Side to side)"

Both you and Nicki motioned for the dancers to come towards you, curling your index finger at the sexy men. Singing the refrain, you both made them drop to their knees in front of you, as if they were kneeling at your command.

Just as the last note was sung, everyone clapped, the majority standing up, and more cheered. You noticed Chris hadn't done either, still sitting in his motionless while two camera men pointed their cameras at him. Your eyebrows furrowed, thankfully after the spotlight had shifted over to the miniature stage where the two hosts were babbling about nominations.

You were ushered off the stage along with the queen of rap herself, taking a few backstage photos before quickly returning back to your dressing room to change into your tailored dress. Your mind had wandered to why Chris hadn't applauded—not that he was obliged too, but a little something would've nice, especially with all the days put into the performance.

Taking a deep breath, you entered the big room, filled with your co-stars and other A-list celebrities. Little did you know you'd find out the reason to your question in the morning.

—

The loud ringtone woke you up, the sound obnoxious and borderline abuse to your ears. Beside you, Chris groaned, rolling onto his stomach, trying to muffle the sound of the call with his arm draped over his head. Putting him out his misery, you lazily reached for your phone, pressing the green button with dread, seeing the name across the screen.

"Hello—"

"You're trending on Twitter." Alexandre announced, happy with the results of the previous awards show. While it wasn't something as big as a Grammy or Oscar, judging by the amount of awards you had taken home, you became the people's favorite. "Hold on, lemme rephrase that. You and Chris are trending. Number one, world wide."

Glancing at the man sleeping beside you, you sat up, confused by the information given to you. You blamed Chris for making you stay up so late for your confusion. "Um, why? Did I accidentally have another nip slip?"

"What the hell?" Chris mumbled, rolling onto his back, his arm grazing your bare stomach. He immediately took it back, sitting up to look over your puzzled face. "What's going on?"

You shrugged, putting your phone on speaker so Alexandre could explain. Your manager chuckled, knowing you had stayed the night with Chris. He was just waiting for the day you'd finally have the guts to speak about the growing sexual tension. "Okay, Alex, explain."

"As much as I would love to go into full detail, I have other stuff to do so, I'm going to give you the basics. Chris' reaction to your performance went viral, people are shipping the both of you, and there's been thousands of memes made." Alexandre replied, a smile evident in his voice. "Anyways, I have to go. Got some interviews to schedule. Have fun getting your way out of this, Chris."

Your phone screen went back to the home screen, a picture of your family dog, Buster, smiling widely. Looking at Chris, you saw his eyes widened, his hands coming to rest of his face in embarrassment as he fell back onto the bed with a bounce, his head nearly hitting the headboard. "Oh, fuck."

"Are you going to show me what your face looked like or do I have to scroll through Twitter until I find it? Oh! Maybe they edited it in my performance." you thought out load, tapping on the YouTube app. You hadn't trusted yourself enough to log into your official account, knowing you'd probably make a mistake so you opted for having a secondary account where you could watch cat videos without the anxiety of posting something stupid.

Chris' hand snatched your phone away, tucking it in his pocket, the sweats he had slept in was somehow wrinkled, and his shirt damp from the warmth. "You wanna get some food? I'll cook some bacon but you'll have to make the pancakes 'cause the last time—"

"I wanna see your reaction." you whined, reaching across his stomach for your phone. Chris turned his body away from you, shielding the phone from your reach. "Chris!"

He waved your attempt away, rolling off the bed, his feet hitting the floor before you could fall back on the mattress.You poured, getting on all fours, crawling towards the edge. Chris took a step back, brows furrowing. "It's not important. Let's get you some food."

"Fine." you mumbled, an idea making you light up. Rolling off the bed, you glanced at his phone on the nightstand, exposed and easy to take. With quick reflexes, you grabbed his phone, rolling back on the bed until you reached the other side, making it impossible for him to reach for his phone back.

"Hey!" the Bostonian shouted, launching himself on the bed in attempt to get his phone back. He made a noise as you rushed out of your room, locking yourself in the nearby bathroom, laughing evilly when he threw himself at the door. He yelled out your name, his fist banging on the door. "I'm serious! Don't!"

Ignoring his begging, you opened his phone with your thumbprint. How ironic how much he didn't want you to look at his phone when he was the one who insisted you have the password to it. His arguments became louder as you opened up his Twitter, immediately heading to the trending section, seeing both your names at the number one spot.

"Damn, I look hot." you joked out loud, making Chris silent for a second before pleading for you not to continue. You smirked, scrolling through the tweets, trying to find his reaction. "Jesus Christ, what the hell happened to you? Did you fall on your face or something?"

Chris groaned, banging his head on the door in defeat as he heard your almost inaudible gasp, that quickly turned into little giggles. If he wasn't so embarrassed, he would've broken the door down to hold you in his arms. "Oh, no."

Bursting out into hard laughter, you fell into the large bathtub, hitting your head on the wall but you couldn't care less. The expression on his face during your performance had been borderline comical, the wide eyes, the jaw hanging open, the open hand resting on his chin while his eyes stayed strained on you the whole time, never wavering from your body, the sexy choreography making his jeans tight.

Cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West, tears ran down your cheeks, your stomach cramping from the maniacal laughter. Lifting yourself up from the tub, you stumbled to the door, your loud laugh ringing out towards the whole house. You let Chris in the bathroom, his phone quickly taken from your hand but it was too late. The blush on his cheeks wasn't going away anytime soon. You leaned against him, your head resting on his chest, while you panted out a question. "Why did you look like you were trying to attract flies in your mouth?"

Chris groaned again, covering his eyes with a hand while the other rested on your back. "You're not going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Oh, God, no." you giggled, wiping the tears away, beginning to calm down. Glancing up at him, you noticed everything above the shoulders was gleaming red, the embarrassment too unbearable for him. "Chris, you looked exactly like the first time we were forced to share a bed together."

"Yeah, you have that affect on me."

"You gonna tell me why you looked so ... shocked? Or do I have to search through Twitter and go with whatever fan theory makes the most sense?" you asked, unable to keep the smug grin off your face. Chris closed his eyes, wishing he hadn't made you come to the awards show in the first place. You raised an eyebrow, fingers itching towards his phone. "You know I'll do it, Evans."

The man raised his hands, taking them off of you as he paced around the bathroom, deciding if this embarrassing moment was the right time to finally confess. "It's just, you know, the dance was so ... sexual and hot that I probably wasn't the only one looking at you like that. You can't exactly blame me for being shocked, watching the girl I'm in love with—"

Chris stopped as you be watched the colors drain out of your face, immediately freezing when he realized what he had said. Both of you stared at each other, eyes wide, not moving a muscle, barely blinking; the atmosphere so tense neither of you were breathing, waiting for the other to talk. But neither of you wanted to go first, terrified.

It wasn't until you started to feel dizzy that you realized you hadn't been breathing, letting out a huge breath, trying to relax while Chris did the same, his hands shaking, a nervous tick he got whenever he was anxious. You got the courage to speak first.

"What?"

It was better than nothing.

Chris was so nervous he nearly ran out of the room. There wasn't some kind of handbook or script he could read, helping him tell one of his best friends how head over heels he was for her. So, he said what his brain was stewing. "What?"

"What—what?" you replied, unsure if he even said the L word, so lightheaded by the sudden confession.

The actor stilled, eyes widening even further, while his eyebrows shot up his forehead. "What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Say what one more time, Evans, and I will make nothing but mac and cheese for the rest of your stay." you threatened softly, getting tired of not having an answer to your one-worded question.

Chris took a deep breath, hands trembling as he clasped them together, hoping to find the right words, hoping his inner thoughts would come out clear, giving you the answer you asked for. "I'm sorry. What do you want me to say?"

"What you were saying before. You know, before you looked like you saw a ghost and almost stopped breathing. I think that would be a good start." you replied, backing up to take a seat on the plush chair. Chris mirrored your actions, putting down the lid to the toilet before sitting down.

"This isn't the way I wanted you to find out." Chris whispered, his blue eyes trained on the emotions that flashed on your face. Your uncertainty of the situation didn't help his anxiety.

"Okay, um, were you going to tell me in the first place?" you asked, playing with the hem of your shirt—it had been a borrowed Patriots shirt from him. Looking back, you realized all the little things he'd done hadn't been because his platonic love for you. "Or were you just going to keep letting it be this way?"

Fidgeting with his hands, Chris peered through his eyelashes, seeing the hurt flash across your face before you quickly composed it. "Scott was hyping me up, trying to convince me to tell you before you got into another relationship. Do you know the real reason I broke up with Jenny? It hurt like hell when you announced you were engaged. Fuck, I couldn't even pretend to be happy because you were going to have the life I wanted with you, with someone who wasn't me. It was selfish and I got really mad at myself for being a dick."

"But—"

"And then the horrible, horrible relief I felt when you called off the engagement." Chris continued, his heart clenching. "Truth to be told, that was the day I found out I was in love with you, breaking things off with Jenny. Of course, I wanted to wait until you moved on, hoping to be the friend you went to but with my schedule, that was impossible. So, you seemed out comfort in Henry fucking Cavill."

"You're in love with me?" you whispered, hoping this wasn't some kind of cruel dream. If it was, you wouldn't mind staying.

The actor nodded, waiting for you to call him names and rush out. "Yes. You can leave or slap me or whatever you want to do but I love you."

You got up, running a hand through your hair. "Okay."

Chris' heart sank, wishing for any other kind of reaction, wishing you'd do something. Taking a deep breath, he got up. "Is this a goodbye?"

Frowning, you walked up to him, taking his face between with your hands, pressing your lips softly to his. You could feel his heart beat, the little organ beating so hard. You pulled away before he could recover from his shock, before he could kiss you back.

"Hello."

[nightswithkookmin]

I hate it here

Why does he get to appropriate people's race and still have so much access??

I thought impersonation was a crime.

I thought stealing someone's identity was a crime. How is he walking around Freely and taking pictures with hot chicks?😒

THAT SHOULD BE ME😭😭😭

If he is profiting off of his looks he needs to be sued by Hybe IMMEDIATELY.

HYBE SHOULD HIRE ME - If they can over look my gossipy nature and the fact they really can't trust me with any company secrets plus I'll spend all my time staring at Jikook and simping for YoonminhopeJoon🙂

Bapsae aaahhhhh 😏😏😏

To answer your question Barbara, you are not the only confused one when it comes to these labels. We all are.

A lot of people use Bi these days instead of Pan because people find the term Pansexuality confusing and offensive so....

Strange times.

Offensive because some people in the Bi community feel it's a redundant term as to them it means the same as Bisexuality. As such they feel the use of Pansexuality is erasure and invalidating of their own identity.

From what I understand of this ongoing label wars in the community, those who get offended by Pansexuality do so mostly because they do not view trans identity as a seperate unique gender in of it's own but merely as an adjective.

To such, there is no thing as cis boy or trans boy and that a boy is a boy. So being Bi to them means they are attracted to boys( cis or trans) and girls (regardless of whether they are cis or trans)- which is what Pansexuality actually is💀

Here in lies the conflict. Cis women and some people, myself included, see trans identity as a seperate gender identity from cis identity and differentiates between a biological Male or female and a trans Male or female.

As such a boy is not a boy, a boy is either cis boy or trans boy and both are valid.

This distinction is what mostly sets bisexuality from pan sexuality from my point of view.

It's disheartening. Not to mention anxiety inducing and confusing as hell when we can't even agree on basic terms to describe ourselves.

I don't know how conscious BTS are of these conversations and so I've always viewed their use of labels such as boy/girl in their lyrics with utmost fascination given as there are trans genders within their community.

I often find myself wondering what Joonie means when he talks of girls- does he mean cis girls or trans girls? Would he date either or both?

Personally, I view Trans identity as a valid, separate unique form of identity, unique from Cis identity and not just as an epithet.

I date and definitely find trans girls romantically and sexually attractive especially if there's minimum trace of their cis masculinity in them.

But I have friends who identify as lesbians but wouldn't date trans girls regardless of how they present. Yet they wouldn't mind dating a stud or Masculine presenting females as long as they are Cis girls. Talk of transphobia💀

Some girls call me Bi because I like cis and other fems and I'm perfectly fine with it. However embracing that label in Male spaces gives me a lot of headaches because they just assume I'd date any man too.

I have dated fem tops (girly girls who like to be the dominant one in relationships and also prefer to penetrate other girls during sex) who identify as lesbians but have threesomes with gay men💀

I mean as long as they get to fuck those men or penetrate/ top them or so they say and yes I've seen it happen with my two eyes- I have gay threesomes don't judge or tell my pastor😥

I'm going to hell as it is no need to compound it🤧

My ex was like that. She dated a gay guy she was topping and was gonna marry him because her family was pressuring her to get married. The dude was closeted and their relationship was convenient until he came out and lowkey outed her in the process.

When I asked her if she was bisexual she said she didn't have a label because none suited her at the time and that she likes girls regardless of how those girls identify as. So a femboi, andro, trans girls, cis girls, straight girls, gay girls, as long as you feminine she likes.

I'm a bit like that too... minus the topping fembois and gays part💀

If I had a dick it would be useless 🤣

I say all this to say, labels are a bit tricky and a lot of people struggle to find the right fit.

Gay or queer is our go to label.

For the sake of the conversation we having, I'd define being Bi as liking your own gender plus the opposite of your gender but in an exclusive way. Being Bi also means the gender of a person matters to you in your determination of what you find attractive.

However being Pan means you place less emphasis on the gender of the person you are attracted to and more emphasis on the qualities those people possess- really doesn't matter what the other person is if you like em you like em. Which means a person don't gotta be cis or trans boy or girl or other for you to like them. They just have to have a certain quality you find attractive.

Just like you said, you being a girl find gurls attractive too but I don't think you'd be willing to date a girl- cis or trans- a person has to be Male for you to date them. Right?

That exclusivity is what makes you straight. You like one gender to the exclusion of others.

Gays and lesbians like one gender, the same gender, to the exclusion of others.

Bisexuals may like multiple genders, different genders, to the exclusion of others.

Pansexuals like multiple genders but not to the exclusion of others.

If Gender is important to you in determining who a suitable romantic partner is you are either Straight or Bi. If gender is not important to your determination of who a suitable partner is then you're pansexual.

Pansexuals are gender blind🤣

If Pansexuals are bisexuals, there should be a label for the category currently viewed as bisexuals.

When Suga says " I look at personality and it's not limited to girls" I believe he's talking about the qualities he finds attractive in PEOPLE.

When he sings boy or girl my tongue technology will send you to hongkong it carries a similar sentiment. He's saying basically it doesn't matter what you identify as he can make you orgasm under his- rap?

That's pan energy to me. You go pan Suga! BAPSAE AAAHHH🤭

IF he were queer then I'd assume he's more likely to be pan not bi- hypocritically speaking.

But he is NOT QUEER.

SOPE YOONMIN AND ANYSHIP INVOLVING SUGA IS NOT REAL or even likely to be.

Since we are both men, how can my heart throb for a man. This implies he believes his heart only has to throb for the opposite sex. Yea no he is definitely not bi.

Straight as an arrow this one.

He doesn't find men sexually or romantically attractive. He is not gay or bi and I don't think he wants to be.

I assume he's straight. I do.

And as a straight dude, he's certainly intriguing and I can see how certain actions of his make people queer read him especially in his dominant ships Sope and Yoonmin and Taegi.

But I don't think he goes out of his way to queer code himself.

And I see what you mean by the exaggerated speech. Rappers do trash talk, boast and talk shit in their music but they are also notoriously homophobic with the exception of a few. References of queerness in their lyrics are usually often used pejoratively to slur other rappers etc.

May be I'm too black, gay, and a woman to overlook the misogyny and homophobia that's traveled through Black American hip pop to elsewhere even if it takes on new family friendly labels such as Kpop or BTS.

I don't tend to read hiphop lyrics through non cis non straight non male lens. Unless of course it's from a queer artist but even that there's almost always something internalized.

It's fascinating how people look at a hip hop artist and glean their sexuality from their lyrics....

I'm dozing off. Will read over this tomorrow and add anything I might have missed.

GOLDY

[acciocriativity]

You and Me II || Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin/Reader

Summary: After years at Hogwarts, your life would really begin and nothing could be better than to start this new phase with your official birthday party, but the next day does not turn out quite as expected.

Warnings: For those who haven't read the first part yet, Tom Riddle is not Voldemort in this fic. The first wizard war was against another wizard but its consequences are still valid! Just pure fluff and an implied bit of smut.

Word Count: 3,0k

A/N: This is obviously the part two of You and Me, but it’s not necessarily related, so you can just read this one as a one shot but the first part gives you a lot of context for this, ok? ok then. (Happy really early Birthday Katie! I'd like to post this on your bday but I was too anxious for this. Hope you like it!)

Part I

04/27/1997

"You're really not well, how can a person be in this state when their birthday is so close? I've tried to understand and still can't", the brunette's bored voice made itself present in the room for the 4th time in the day and as I prepared my answer, she held up her hand and delivered her own hypothesis first. "You can't be sad that we're finishing seventh year, I swear for Merlin's sake, if that's the case, I'll...", the words slipped slowly from her mouth, as did the calmness remaining in her.  

"Even though anything you have to say sounds like a lot of fun, it's not the case. I really want to start my own life, have my own job and all that. I'm just thinking a lot lately, too many things have happened, we've all changed so much", I didn't bother to look at her, still focused on the ceiling painted like a blue summer sky and she didn't mind asking permission to lie next to me on the bed. 

"We had to grow up eventually, although some took too long, in fact, I can point out for sure that half the boys still act like kids", we both laughed until our bellies ached.

"Well, good for us then because Draco and Blaise are not on that list and don't even dare look at me like that, you know he's changed a lot", I heard her amused giggles and already imagined what was coming. 

"I wasn't even going to say anything this time, it's really impressive how you just stick up for him, I hope it's the same with me", I frowned and looked at her as if she was out of her mind, and there were chances she really was. "Since when do you need protection from someone?". 

"I never said I needed it, but it's nice to know I have it", she shrugged without looking me in the eye and I decided it would be better to change the subject, because nothing good ever comes out of a Pansy, who is unseasy in any sense. 

"So, about your...," she started. "Pansy, what do you…”, I said at the same time, but I just smiled and waited in silence for what she had to say. 

"I was going to ask about your parents, you're going to have to live with them in a month, so how are you feeling about that?", she just glanced at me. 

"That's been going through my mind, I have no idea what it's going to be like but it's going to be better than anything that's happened in the past, that's enough for now", I sighed. 

"You know you can come to my house, right? You can hide there", I agreed with a smile and we continued in a comfortable silence. 

04/29/1997

7:30 A.M.

 On the morning of my birthday, I woke up in the best possible way. The warmth emanating from Draco's body and the thick blanket kept me unfazed by the freezing wind coming in through the window. I didn't want to move and I didn't need to. 

I sighed satisfied with the position I was in, curled up under the blanket hugging the blond's bare torso, with no responsibility or obligation other than to enjoy my day. 

"Morning, love", his arms pressed me tighter against him, I could feel his calm breathing and somehow, I felt calmer too.

I left a few kisses on his bare skin and the goosebumps they caused on him made me break out into a little smile. "Good morning, love", I whispered leaning back against him.  

"Come here, let me give you a proper happy birthday", he gave my hair a quick pat and lifted my chin to look at him. 

 As soon as I crawled closer to him, his arms entwined around my waist and pulled me even closer. 

"Happy birthday my love", he left several little kisses on my face and neck before moving to my lips, but our moment was interrupted by a noise on the window.

 A gray owl incessantly beat its beak on the window pane, we looked at each other, neither of us wanted to get up, but it would be too cruel to leave the poor thing waiting there. 

"It's my birthday, I have the right to ask you to go", I gave a brief kiss on his lips before letting him go to the war field. 

 I stayed warm while he opened the window further so that the owl could get through, as well as the icy wind. 

He rushed back to my side in time to see me tear the seal off the letter I received. 

"It's from my parents, they are really working hard this year. I have to admit that", I told him as I scanned the paper. 

"At least they realized what a great daughter they have, she's a little mean but still great", I was too busy reading the letter to notice his cunning and more icy than usual hands pass around me.  

 I jumped out of bed as I felt the shock of our skin contact and he had the audacity to laugh, I had to control myself too much not to grab my wand. 

"Draco Lucius Malfoy, you are dead now", I climbed into bed with my pillow, ready to fight. 

20:00 P.M.

 A few hours later, I was getting ready for the party in the Slytherin common room, everyone was invited since after this stressful year, a party would be nice and I couldn't physically kick anyone out. 

I was barely concentrating in my makeup, Nala was running back and forth between my feet wanting attention and I couldn't give it to her or for the next few hours, no matter how much it broke my heart. 

"For Merlin's sake... Nala! Sit!", it saddened me to see that she obeyed but still wanted to come running to me, that deserved a good reward.

 I fed her one of her favorite cookies and petted her shiny fur before going back in front of the mirror. I checked several times to make sure I was ready. 

"See you later my love, mma will be back soon", I waved to her and went downstairs before I gave in. 

 There were already a lot of people when I arrived, the new song by The Weird Sisters was so loud that Pansy didn't hear me, even though I called out 2 times as she passed by on the other side of the room. 

As I made my way through, many friends stopped to congratulate me and also to chat a bit, by the time I realized what I was supposed to do, more than 10 minutes had passed. 

"Have you guys seen Pansy? I was looking for her", I said before turning my own glass of buttered beer over and leaving it in Tom's hand. "See you guys later", my eyes were glued on the blond guy standing in the corner and in less than a second, I was walking towards him. 

"What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!", I heard his indignant voice but ignored it along with all the other people, who tried to talk to me on my way to him. 

"You know, the delay is only elegant because it doesn't last more than 5 minutes", he was smiling even though he hated tardiness. 

"Maybe for most people, a queen is never late love, the others were too early. Especially when it's her birthday", I stopped in front of him. "You haven't given me my present yet, I'm waiting", I pointed to my own lips.  

 He chuckled and looked at me for a few seconds before he said  something, even with the lights flashing I could still see the twinkle in his eyes, which still reflected mine equally. 

"Are you asking this as a gift around too?", his smile widened as did mine, he took a step closer. 

"Does that mean you're not going to give it to me? I had high expectations for this one in particular", something in his gaze changed, I could clearly tell but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. 

"That particular one can wait, right now, I have my main gift", he took his hands off his back and in them was a green velvet median box with silver details. 

 I was almost breathless just admiring the package once it was in my hands. To top it off, a green silk bow and I had the impression that he had made it himself. 

When I opened it, my jaw dropped. A silver necklace with an emerald heart carefully displayed in the box. 

"Draco, you really didn't have to give me something expensive", he didn't answer me, instead took the necklace and helped me put it on. 

"It seemed like an appropriate gift, now that we will no longer be living by Slytherin rules, it’s a nice way to say goodbye", I didn't think twice before I kissed him. 

"I love you, I'll never get tired of saying that", I whispered between kisses. "You won't forget that, right?", I sighed as he brushed his lips across the skin of my neck. 

"I have no reason to forget love, I...", we were interrupted by a forced cough behind me. 

"Why don't you two just go into a room? No one has to see this scene", Blaise's unmistakable voice sounded and I felt my boyfriend giggle, not moving out of position. 

"You can go after your girlfriend instead of getting in our way, wouldn't that be a brilliant idea?", I didn't see what happened, but a nice answer wouldn't be."So where were we honey?", he raised his eyes to meet mine. 

"We better save that for the end of the party love, wasn't that your idea?", I pulled away from him and took his hand. "You have a whole party to enjoy." 

"I already regret that decision, thanks for reminding me", he mumbled that and a few other things I couldn't hear. 

07/01/1997

7:00 A.M.

"I still can't believe this is our last breakfast at Hogwarts", Astoria commented amidst the silence that had formed at our table. 

"I still can't believe it's really over, it seems like any minute now I'm going to wake up and be back in third year", Pansy added. 

"Well, I hope you'll make better decisions if you go back there tonight. No one forgot the hair Pan", my remark made everyone laugh for the first time in the day, a bit of pride grew inside me. 

"Just because Hogwarts is over doesn't mean we're going to split up. None of you have any right to be this down today", Theo said and I was forced to smile as was everyone else. 

"I was glad to be rid of you, at no point I was sad," Blaise muttered but we could all hear him and we all laughed once again. 

8:00 A.M. 

"What are you thinking?" he was with his eyes closed leaning against the train window, but I knew he wasn't asleep. 

"How familiar everything here is, the worn leather of the seat, the smell of candy in the hallway and of trees coming in through the window. Other things will be familiar 7 years from now, it's just weird to think about it," he continued in the same position but held out his hand to me. 

"That's true but I feel better knowing that we will continue to be each other's constant," I intertwined our fingers and we continued like that until we arrived.  

11:00 A.M. 

"It's time for the gifts, we prefer to give you personally. I believe you will like it", my mother said as soon as we sat down on the couch in our living room. 

 I smiled not knowing how to respond, since I usually got the same thing every year, money or more paint, and I was pretty sure they didn't choose in person. 

"Go ahead, open it. We decided to give two separate presents this year, the pink wrapping is mine and the purple one is your father's", the two boxes were right next to me on the couch, so why was I hesitating so much to pick them up? 

 A lot was going on in my head, they have changed a lot in the last year but why? I could be dreaming of the ideal day, but no dream was as vivid as this one.

I took a deep breath and opened the pink first, I expected to find anything but my stuffed bunny, he was washed and clean, different from how I remembered, but still the same. 

"I thought I lost or tore it a long time ago", I managed to say as I hugged him like one who finds an old friend, but he was beyond that. 

"He was really in a rough state, but I was able to fix him. It was in one of the boxes in the basement, remember how you got it?", I agreed again, a wave of memories washed over me. 

My parents had just arrived home from a business trip, it was the first time I had been alone at home without them. 

"Mommy, Daddy!", I ran down the stairs as fast as my little legs would allow and threw myself into my father's arms, not caring about his wet coat, which soon became even wetter. "You promi-promised that you would be back soon”. 

"Oh my love, something unexpected has happened. We were never going to leave you alone for so long," her hands wiped away my tears and took me in her lap. "So, for you never have to be alone again, we brought a little friend, he will always keep you company when we have to leave." 

That wasn't enough to calm me down but it made me curious enough to stop crying, I didn't have any friends before that. 

 I hurried to open the other package but there was only an empty picture frame with no photo inside. 

Before I could open my mouth to ask for an explanation, shapes began to appear from the black background. 

I recognized the picture, me still a baby in my mother's arms and my father behind her, hugging us both but as soon as I blinked, it was gone. 

Another picture formed in its place, I was older, about two or three years old, this one I had never seen. I was on my mother's lap holding a drawing that I had made and possibly looked terrible. 

More pictures appeared and disappeared but I didn't wait to see them all at that moment. 

"I loved these gifts...thank you Mom and Dad," I made a great effort to hold back the tears as I hugged them both. "They are the best presents I have ever gotten." 

23:00 P.M. 

"What are you two doing out there at this time of night?! Draco, have you been drinking now?", Narcisa gave us another stern look before opening the door and shoving us inside. 

 We walked in almost tripping over the living room rug, laughing at each other, to the point where tears formed in our eyes.  

"Shhhhhh, my dad must be working... uhhhhhh, he's not going to like this, u-um," his hand covered my mouth. 

I pushed his hand away from my face. “Me?Shut up? You're practically screaming you idiot!".

 "You two, I don't want another peep out of you. Come up quietly. Your father doesn't like to be interrupted," she whispered, but it was enough for us to agree without hesitation. 

"Yes, Captain, I mean, ma'am," he pulled me up the stairs before her patience ran out. 

07/02/1997

14:00 P.M. 

"What do you mean, you don't remember what happened?", the blond was clearly trying hard not to laugh and I sighed, still under the blanket. 

"I don't remember Draco, did your mother really not hate me? I can't believe we came here...", even though no one was watching me, I started to blush, or was it just the fever? There's no way to be sure now. 

"That could never happen, she made sure to request your favorite tea. Now get out of there before it gets cold", he tried to pull on my blanket but I used all the rest of my strength not to let him.  

"Noooo, out there that's too cold. Come here, it's too cold for you too", I took one of my hands from the comfortable warmth to pull him to me. "You didn't have to get up so early to get this", I whispered but soon after started coughing. 

"There must be a potion to help you, I'll just get it and then...", he was ready to get up from the bed but I didn't let go of his arm. 

"I just want you, please stay here? The elf will bring it anyway", before he could protest, I covered him with the blanket. "You're not well either, let's just lay down for now". 

 He opened his mouth to deny it again but all that came out was a sneeze, after this he just gave up and lied down too. We were both screwed but at least we were together, right? I tried to think positive.

[ @x-dratie-x @fa-me]

Harry Potter Masterlist

[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter twelve

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2588

This is technically a reader insert but without the (y/n) and all that. She also has no name mentioned so feel free to imagine as you please.

Follow the reader through the events of the Captain America movies and experience her love for Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: none

Note: Normally I am the type of person to be date accurate when writing things and if you are too, I'm sorry. I messed up on the dates, so the battle of New York happens like a month after it should. This is also a short chapter because it's a filler and I'm trying to just get to the Winter Soldier but have everything make sense.

<< Previous Next>>

Masterlist

A few days later I had received a small archivist job in the WWII department of the Smithsonian. Thankfully the made-up resume and a few fake SHIELD recommendations came in handy. I would officially start the following week after a few background checks were cleared. In my free time until then, I unpacked all the boxes in my apartment. It started to feel more homely and warm when all of my things filled up the space. When I didn’t feel like unpacking anything, I started taking long walks to the VFW building. I hadn’t joined in on any of the meetings yet, I just stood by the doorway and watched, listening to the stories people told.

One day that week as I stood back in the hallway after the meeting had ended, a man came up to me. He was a little taller than I was and had the brightest smile I had ever seen. I had watched him in the meetings before, he was usually the one hosting them, giving advice to all who needed it.

“I’ve seen you standing out here for the past three days, why don’t you come have a seat next time? It would be more comfortable than standing out here for an hour.” He said as he leaned his back against the wall right next to me.

“I have thought about it, but I tend to get here after you have started. I don’t want to interrupt anything by just barging in.” I said over my shoulder at him.

“You won't interrupt anything, just come on in next time, we’d be happy to have a new face around,” He pushed himself off the wall and walked down the hall.

After that, I ended up joining the meetings and even spoke a few times. I learned that the man who came up to me that day was Sam Wilson, pararescue, who had served two tours in Afghanistan. From the first day he came up and talked to me to now, we quickly became friends.

The days had turned into weeks and I was finally able to live relatively by my own means. The Smithsonian was great, in the archives, no one was really around and I could spend a whole day without any interruptions, which allowed me to just concentrate on what I was doing. After closing, I normally walked to meet Sam, who was usually way too excited to see me, even though we saw each other almost every day without fail.

“You’re late today.” I jumped, startled out of my thoughts at the sound of someone talking to me. I looked up, spying Sam standing next to one of the small trees outside the VFW building.

“What do you mean late?”

“I mean you usually get here at three-thirty. It's four right now.” He said looking down at his watch.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize. I've just been lost in my thoughts lately.” I sighed.

“I know we’ve only been friends for what? A month? But I already know when something is bothering you, What is it?”

“Nothing really, just my brother. Since moving here he's called at least twice a week to check up but it’s been radio silence for the past two weeks, he doesn't even answer when I try calling him. I'm just a little worried that something bad is going on, considering his job.”

“Well, maybe he’s just really busy at the moment, or he's somewhere he can't call you. You know how it is being out on those military missions.”

“I know, it’s just the last time we were apart on a mission,” I trailed off and looked up at Sam, he raised his eyebrows, quietly waiting for the end of the sentence. “Someone close to us passed. It’s still fresh in my mind like it happened yesterday. I was there that day and I was too far away to even know what had happened, now my brother and I aren’t even in the same vicinity as each other, there is no telling what could happen and it makes me nervous.”

He gave me a small apologetic smile and patted my shoulder before leading me from the tree where we stood to where his car was parked. “What do you say we hang out at mine and just watch some tv? Get your mind off things? Or we can talk about it, either way, it’s better than dealing with it alone.” I nodded my head and grabbed onto the car door handle as he unlocked it.

Walking through the front door after him I took a quick look around. It was cozy, way more decorated than I thought it would be for a man in his early thirties living alone.

“Make yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink?” He asked neck-deep in the fridge.

“Okay, I’ll just have some water,” I called out as I made my way further into the living room. The couch was backed up to the wall a few feet away from the dining room table. I sat down on it and scooted as close as I could to its right arm. A few moments later Sam came over with two glasses of water and a bag of chips. He handed me my drink before crashing down into his own seat. “Thank you,” I said before taking a long sip.

He nodded as he said “No problem.” Before he got himself really comfortable he searched around for the TV remote. As he pressed the ‘on’ button the TV came to life. “What in the world is that?” He sounded concerned so I quickly looked at the screen.

“Breaking: Attack on New York City. This afternoon at 2:15 several unidentified aircraft descended onto Earth's surface. Strange beings, some are calling aliens, Accompanied these ships and are causing havoc in Manhattan. Eyewitnesses have stated that they have seen Iron Man, and what seemed to be Captain America, leading a team of three others fighting back against the invaders. The battle seems to be over but updates are still coming in, let's take a look at some footage of the downtown destruction.” My eyes went wide and my heart stopped as I listened to what the reporter was saying. I kept my eyes glued to the screen as it changed to show a destroyed street. As the camera panned around I spotted Steve fighting against two of the creatures, before the clip quickly changed to show one of the large ships crashing into the New York skyline.

“Oh God Steve, what did you get into?” I murmured to myself.

“You say that like you know him personally.”

“Uhh.” I just gave him a wide-eyed look of surprise. “I do, he’s my brother.”

“Now really isn’t the time to be joking about things,” He gave me a pointed look.

“I swear I’m not joking, he really is my brother. I can explain later, I need to try and get a hold of him.” I pulled out the small flip phone from my pocket and dialed the number for Steve's cell phone, it rang and rang but no answer. I hung up quickly and dialed the number Fury gave me at the beginning of the month. After two rings he answered.

“I assume you are looking for Captain Rogers.”

“Where is he? Is he okay?” I tried to keep the worried tone from coming through in my voice.

“He’s fine. He is in the middle of a debriefing. I’ll tell him you called.”

“Okay, thank you.” As soon as the words left my mouth he gave a quick hum and then hung up. I looked over at Sam whose eyes hadn't left me at all. “Everything is fine, he's in a debrief so that means that whatever happened in New York is definitely over.”

“That’s good to hear, hopefully, those things don’t try to come back again.” He shook like a shiver ran down his spine. “Now please explain how Captain America, a man from the 1940s, is your brother.”

“I can hear the skepticism in your voice.”

He held his hands up in defense, “Hey, I'm not the one saying I'm the sister to a 90 something-year-old man.”

“Look, it’s a long story that I would rather not get into now but the short version is that I was born in 1921, Steve is my older brother, we both ended up taking the super-soldier serum and fought against HYDRA in the second world war. We ended up crashing a plane into some Ice in the Atlantic ocean and were found and unfrozen last October.” “If you are really Captain America’s sister, then why are you never mentioned in anything?” I looked at him and shook my head.

“Well for starters it was the forties and I was a woman fighting on the front lines. Credit is never given where it is due. But there is also the fact that I was a part of the SSR, which was very secretive, after I died.” I put my fingers up in air quotes, “They should have erased most, if not all the files on me, per protocol. The only reason Steve is well known is because of his time going cross country selling war bonds.” I paused for a second before quickly adding, “I’m sure if you look hard enough, you’ll find me in the history books somewhere.”

Sam just sat there not really saying anything. This was the first time I think he had ever been quiet for more than five seconds. I let out a deep sigh and stood, grabbing my bag from the floor. “Thanks for having me over, but I think I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stood and walked me to the door.

“Don’t be late. I’ll see you.” Sam waved me off and I headed down the street.

About half a year later while sorting through some archive files, I came across Peggy Carter. I felt a pang in my heart as I stared at the photo of her standing next to Howard Stark. Other than Steve and Bucky, those two were my closest friends. I fell down a rabbit hole after that, finding any information on the two that I could find. They had both helped found SHIELD in 1965, they had both gotten married and had children of their own. Peggy's children had stayed out of the public eye, but in true Stark fashion, Howard’s son evidently took over the family business and was living the high life. I pulled out a newspaper from the stack I had on the table in front of me and was shocked at what I saw. The title read ‘Howard and Maria Stark Die in Car Accident’, I knew Howard most likely wasn’t alive anymore but seeing the photographs of the wrecked car in the newspaper cast a somber mood through the room.

I laid the paper down on the table and ruffled through more of the papers before determining that we had no information on if Peggy was alive or not. That sent me into a frenzy of looking through phone books to try and find her and calling every retirement home in DC that I could. The only lead I had to go off of was a small interview from a newspaper, talking to Peggy about the seventieth anniversary of V-E Day, stated that she was living in Washington, DC.

After eight failed calls, finally, on the ninth, I had finally found a home which had a Peggy Carter as a residence in room 204. I rushed to pack up my things and left my office early. I ran down the back hallways as fast as I could without drawing too much attention. When I made it out of the building I ran full speed to the road to hail a cab.

Amazingly the traffic was almost nonexistent and I made it to the retirement home in only ten minutes. I fumbled out of the cab and I raced through the front doors of the building. I must have startled the women at the front desk because as soon as I rounded the corner to the staircase, they were yelling after me. I took the steps three at a time in my haste to get to the second floor. I stopped running when I was outside of room 204. I couldn’t see anything clearly through the frosted window so I knocked hesitantly and slowly opened the door and stepped in.

There in the middle of the room, against the wall was a single bed. A woman laid there quietly with her eyes closed. The closer I came to her the more familiar she looked. I let out a relieved gush of breath. There she was, older now, but still the Peggy I once knew. I nervously grabbed one of the chairs in the corner of the room and brought it over to her bedside so I could sit. Gently I gave her a small tap on the hand before just holding it in mine. She stirred but her eyes never opened.

All of a sudden one of the nurses from downstairs came into the room, with an angry and shocked expression.

“Ma’am, You can't be in here. If you want to see a patient, you have to sign in.” I ignored her, my eyes trained on Peggy's face. The commotion of the woman barging into the room had made her open her eyes and look around. I just watched as she scanned the room, first to the door on the left, to the wall in front of her, past me sitting on her right, then to the window behind me.” Her brows raised and she lifted her hands to her eyes to rub. The shock on her face was evident as she turned her head to stare directly at me.

“Hey Carter, long time no see huh?” I gave her the biggest smile that I could.

“Is it really you?” She reached her hand out to mine and grabbed hold.

“It is, it’s really me.”

“Ma’am, I mean it, you can't be here.” The nurse tried again, this time Peggy shot her a glare.

“Ms. I’ll have you know this is one of my best friends and she can be in here if she wants to. Now leave us alone.” The young nurse nodded her head and rushed out, even in old age she could still put on that commanding tone that struck fear in every man. She slowly turned back to me, almost like if she looked back for me, I would be gone. “How? How are you here?”

“It’s a long story Peg, are you sure you want to hear it?”

“Look where I am, I have nothing but time.” She laughed out and I let out my own small laugh as I shook my head.

In addition to what I had been doing, like hanging out with Sam, after that first visit, I made it a priority to see Peggy once or twice every two weeks, depending on how she was doing. Dementia had put a lot of stress on her, and seeing me after almost seventy-five years and looking relatively the same as I had when frozen took out a giant toll on her.

And that's how the next 10 months went until Steve eventually moved into an apartment directly under me.

Tag List: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @underc0vercryptid-reads @geek-and-proud @intothesoul @leyannrae @starkleila

[gerrydelano]

hiii fellow Very Long Fic writer ron! assuming you may be familiar with the (arguable) dilemma of writing styles changing / getting more advanced over time, might i ask- the instinct to go back and edit Every Chapter so that they better match up with current skill. in your opinion, does it usually pan out to be worth it?

i've seen your occasional posts abt how you'll go back and edit your published works, which is v encouraging re: mistakes not being set in stone, yet writer brain operates in extremes i think 🙃

hello, very long fic writer (assumed) anon! i am Very familiar with that dilemma yep hkbjndf drives me Nuts!

TL;DR right off the bat: let yourself go back and make minor edits for sure, but don't get lost in the weeds trying to rewrite the whole thing directly from inside what's already done. in my experience, being able to track your own growth is far more rewarding.

usually, when i go back and edit a chapter after posting it's just to fix typos/clarify something when i'm hit with the OTHER dilemma of "my beta reader has known all of my plans forever and so things go over both our heads sometimes when we KNOW the answer and aren't seeing how it might not come across to a reader with no inside knowledge." which! also sucks! but it's fine, and i always want to go back and make sure it's understandable without giving away any mystery that'll be revealed later on.

when it comes to THIS kind of editing though, i don't really bother? when i go back to things to make changes, it's usually because i've changed a big internal element of the story/a character that will have new bearing on where it goes, not to like. change my writing style wholly. to do that, i'd be going line by line with the idea that i can improve a sentence at a time and i'd run into sentences i LOVED and then get into a war with myself about whether they're "good enough" and honestly end up with a result that is not as natural as it was when i just let myself write it the first time, even IF my newer stuff independent from this might feel like it's more "advanced."

ren said they'll add a sentence or rephrase something here or there, but wouldn't go back and change the entirety of something. if they wrote RTD today it'd be so different, but they're not going to undo what's already been done! especially when it's a metric for growth now, too, which i hugely agree with on the whole.

i definitely did some of this when i edited breathing like i never did, though. that was my first TMA fic and my georgie HC actively changed, which changed big elements of the whole story! and when i edited the earlier chapters of TSP, i came out a thousand times happier with the result, because i was adding things that carried more weight and tied into larger themes that i didn't have in mind when i started writing it. TSP was supposed to be a four chapter bittersweet tragedy! LIKE. no way, man. editing that was extremely rewarding, but again, it wasn't just my writing style that i was fixing.

but mistakes in writing do NOT have to be set in stone! if you're not happy with something, you can go back and rework it until you feel better about it, and recirculate it to say so, if that's what you really want to. i personally wouldn't go too far with full rewrites, like i said, but everyone's different! start with fixing little things that might've been bugging you for a while, and leave it. if there's still more you aren't satisfied with, you are free to look through it more and find the problem. at the end of the day, though, something you wrote in the past doesn't have to be up to date with your current skill level to still have been enjoyable to write, AND for someone to read!!!!

it's not just natural to look back at our old stuff and go "oh, g-d, who was i 🙈" and agonize a little over it, it's GOOD. it means you HAVE improved! and it's up to you whether you leave that little time capsule of past skill as it is, or change it to reflect who you are now.

but no one who loves your work will be looking at the older chapters going "this really sucked, wow, lol." if they notice a quality shift at all from beginning to end, they're a LOT more likely to be really impressed! my friends and i talk SO often about how great it is to watch each other's art and writing styles evolve over time. being ABLE to compare them contributes to that awe! it's one of the most beautiful things in the world to me, i honestly LOVE looking back at even other people's old art because i love to see where we all started and who we've become right next to each other. it's okay to leave that stuff up. you deserve to feel that joy looking at your own stuff, too!

my only advice is that if you change something you've published, you should still keep the old version somewhere!!!! it IS good to have tabs on who we used to be to track all this progress and growth. hell, sometimes? i've even found that some of my old stuff is BETTER, and i want to know how i managed to lose a particular skill along the way, and how i can get it back into my current stuff.

but if it's encouragement you're looking for, then here it is! follow your gut, keep your copies, and make (or don't make) whatever changes you feel are necessary to showcase what you're most proud of. at the end of the day, seek joy. good luck!

[cherry-gemz]

Healing Hands: Chapter One

Summary: You find yourself abroad in London as the Chief of Pediatrics. Everything has been running smoothly until you are faced with an undiagnosed case and the doctor assigned is anything but willing to face defeat. Will you be able treat the child's unknown disease in time, along while facing uncharted waters with love in the workplace?

Parings: Henry Cavill {Dr. Cavill} x Y/N {F!Reader}

Rating: Overall series 18+ only, Chapter is PG

Word count: 2200 +/-

Tags:  @evansamericanass @meowpurrbooks​ @lilithpaijiee @pterodactylterrace 

A/N: Trying something new at writing Henry fanfic. IDK if it’s any good, but either way wanted to start writing. LMK if you're interested, comments and tags welcomed! 💜

P.S. I am no means in any medical field or sorts, so if I get something incorrect on a term or process, bear with me xo.

----------------------------------------------------

You knew that it was a gamble moving to the UK for the Chief of Pediatrics position. But it was time for a change. You needed to leave Eugene, Oregon. Start fresh. There was too much pain there and you had to get away. So when your cousin, who was a nurse from Brighton informed you that there was a need at her hospital for the highly-visible role, you thought why the hell not? You'd score a free round-trip to England of anything and actually see some family you've never met if it didn't pan out. 

Little did you know that you'd fall in love with London: the weather, the people, the imagery of it all. Oregon weather wasn't all too different, so you acclimated well. It had been a few months of you settling in: understanding more of the language barriers despite it still being English. Knackered, cuppa, trollied. 

That is until you had a run in with the division chief of Pediatrics, Dr. Cavill. The staff adored the renowned and painstakingly handsome doctor. And while you could appreciate the view as well, you never were on the same page with his ideals. His defiant behavior of undermining your direction of the unit was becoming a thorn in your side. 

But this time, this time you'd had enough. He mentioned to a patient's parents, while with the speciality case, the hospital could take on their son's situation as priority and receive around the clock care. You threw down the patient's file on your desk and pinched the bridge of your nose. It was a lost cause, you had looked into the patient ever since you started the role.

The child seemed perfectly healthy and lab tests may show no signs of illness. But the chronic pain and fatigue were unexplainable. You empathized, but the poor child has undergone so many tests that at this point it was about providing facts to the parents. And right now, there was no cause of alarm. You weren’t a Dr. House, this wasn’t television. You didn't have the staff to dive into any research or clinical studies. You had a hospital to run, employees to pay, other lives needed saving. 

You picked up the phone to the case nurse on the pediatric floor. 

"Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Y/LN. Can you please remind Dr. Cavill of our 5pm? He's late. Thank you." 

Slowly hanging up on the phone, you turn back to the patient's file. The boy, Jon Foulger, was just shy of his ninth birthday. No positive results for Lupus or Guillain-Barré syndrome. But This case had been bothering you, poor Jon had been in the hospital for three months and still no progress on a diagnosis. While you were never known to give up on a patient, you knew giving false hope to the parents was detrimental not only to the family, but to the same of the hospital's integrity. You were in a high esteemed role now, you knew that you had to discuss further with Henry on his actions. 

Twenty more minutes passed by and you checked your watch. Fuming, you stood up from your desk and headed down to the pediatric floor by the lift. 

As you briskly walk down the hall corridors you can't wait to give Cavill a piece of your mind. You turn the corner and ram right into a brick wall, or so you thought.  Your hands instinctively pick up and see placed on the doctor's firm chest. You immediately flush and lose composure. 

You knew he was a good-looking man, but this up close and personal was a whole other level. His dark hair and curls were fluffy and good enough to touch. His piercing steel blue eyes looked at yours and made immediate contact. His bone structure made the Michaelangelo's David blush. 

"My apologies, Dr. Y/LN. Didn't see you there," his voice was like butter. 

You straightened out your white coat, "Ahem, yes. Well I seemed to have been lost in thought. My apologies as well."

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, almost an hour ago…" you shifted your weight to stand a bit taller. He towered over you with his muscular frame and height. 

"Patient...Jon Foulger. We must discuss the repercussions of your current actions."

"Jon-Jon," he replied stoic. 

"Excuse me?"

"He likes to be called Jon-Jon."

"Well yes, let's go to my office and discuss further, please Dr. Cavill."

"As you wish," he replied and pivoted his heel to the nearby lift.

The rise up to the 12th floor was a quiet one, awkward overall as you knew you had to give a coaching and hated the notion. You missed practicing medicine; while you enjoyed the administration of your position, the thrill of helping others and using your hands were erased with cases of employee performance reviews, reports, budgets. 

He coughed into his fist and then held his strong hands in place in a clasp. 

He finally broke the silence, "Enjoying London?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Have you had any time to take a holiday?"

"Um, no. Been too busy."

"It might do you some good," he replies as he looks to check his watch. 

You huff, "Somewhere you need to be, Doctor?"

"No, just checking the time."

His arrogance irritated you and now you weren't feeling as badly to give him his coaching. 

The lift opened as you arrived at the floor and he held out the door for you to exit first. You nod and walk to your office, your kitten heels clicked on the hospital's linoleum floor and the sound echoed through your ears. 

As you both enter your office you stride quickly to your desk to assume dominance of the room. 

Henry stood near the doorway, admiring your photos and certificates on the wall. 

"I knew you were American, but Stanford Medical? Interesting, thought you were from Oregon. When will you be returning?" You can't read him if that was a compliment or sarcasm. 

"Dr. Cavill, would you be so kind to shut the door," you state firmly and sit down, ignoring his comment about your return to the states.

His brow peaks and he nods, turning to close the door. 

"Please, have a seat," you say. 

"I'd rather stand, thank you," he replies and you know this is going to be a difficult conversation. 

"Well this will only take a moment then. Your recent behavior with the Foulger family, while I commend you for your dedication, has been slight askew with the hospital's protocols."

"Is that so?" His voice dropped and his brow arched. "In what way, Dr. Y/LN?"

You cough as the drawl of his mouth turns upward and you can swear there's a smug smirk across his face. 

"Well...for one...you've promised around the care of the child. Now simply put, we've exhausted all efforts for a diagnosis and until Jon...Jon-Jon…shows any new symptoms, we are at liberty to provide him comfort care for the remainder of the evening, but he will need to be discharged in the morning. We've exhausted him enough with MRIs, blood tests. I'm at a rock in a hard place, Dr. Cavill."

"The rock or the hard place where you give up on a child's well-being simply because you haven't thought to see him as a person? Rather as a number on your statistical analysis of how functioning this hospital is?"

His eyes pierce through you and make your knees grow weak. The nurse staff usually talks about him being a cuddly bear, always making the children laugh and smile. But this man before you, why he's no cuddly bear. He was a beast of a man. A grizzly in fact. 

"Now see here, I will let you know that this case is very important to me. All the children are. But what you fail to see is that for whatever reason you've gravitated to this particular case, you're chasing something that doesn't exist." 

His broad shoulders and strong neck tense at your words. He blinks methodically, as if he's scoping out his prey. No, don't let his charm and rugged good looks distract you. This is a man who is used to getting what he wants and you are a woman who knows perfectly what to do with that.

"And I believe you're blind, Doctor."

"Excuse me?" Your voice was shrill and short. "This is borderline insubordination. I'd be careful with your next words, Cavill."

"Pardon my frankness, Dr. Y/LN, but I've been here longer and know these patients in and out," his voice raised and you could see the hint of a vein showing on his thick neck. "Some of the children come from very poor and debilitating environments. We can't just cast them off once a diagnosis doesn't stick simply because we need the bed or we're done trying!"

"DR. CAVILL," you exclaim and let out an exasperated sigh. His demeanor changed and his upper lip curved slightly. 

“Dr. Y/LN. With all due respect, I think you’re making the wrong judgement call here. Things are not adding up with Jon-Jon, if we just give it a few more days...I feel like we’re making progress and I’ve labored enough research into it-”

"Again, while I appreciate your passion...”

“Passion which you need to show for the patient-”

You raise your hand to silence him, “This is not up to you, Dr. Cavill. As Chief of Pediatrics, this is my call. We will discharge Jon tomorrow if he does not show any new symptoms. If you disobey any further protocols, I will have no other choice but resort to disciplinary action. Do I make myself clear, Doctor?"

You press your hands on your desk and lean inward, portraying your stance. 

"Perfectly," he responded. 

"And another thing, I -" you start, but he turns and abruptly walks out of your office, leaving your door open. 

The nerve! Did he really just do that? Where does he think he's going? Didn't I just tell him I'd resort to disciplinary action?!

You rush out of your office and you see him striding through the hall. His strong posture, shoulders back eluded to years of boarding school perhaps or military. You noticed his fists were clenched and it gave you slight satisfaction that you chipped away ever so slightly at his ego.

It was going to take a lot more than that to send you packing, you thought. 

----------------

The next day came and went. You had confirmed that Jon-Jon was discharged with the floor nurse and while you were relieved to have handled that quite professionally, you knew it did not bear well with the rest of the staff.

You were still getting your feet wet and learning more about your team. It was solid overall, many years of expertise collectively, but they treated you like the outsider you were. No requests to meet for lunch or drinks after work. No camaraderie birthday cards seeking your signature or date night advice. Just the normal days in and out, pulling many late nights in your office, up to the point of exhaustion. You'd collapse in your double bed after work, stare at the ceiling of the small room you rented from your cousin, Laura, and try to drown out all the bustle of seven people in the same 3 bedroom flat. 

Just like any other day, You sat alone during lunch. But that never really was ever a bother being used to it now. You were excited about an audiobook you were meaning to dive into and right when you were about to use your airpods, that's when you noticed him enter the cafeteria. 

His presteen, crisp white lab coat was tight around his build. You could tell he took fitness seriously and wondered what he was hiding underneath it all. You unknowingly licked your lips as you watched him search for a fruit out of the bowl off the commons counter. Curious to know what he fancied: was he into a sweet apple or something more tart like cherries. 

He picked up a peach and squeezed it with his massive hand, making it look quite comical considering his size. His eyes met yours and you quickly looked away, trying to now draw any attention to yourself. You fumbled with your phone as you connected to the audiobook and heart his footsteps approached your empty table. 

"Good afternoon," he said. His voice was deep, smooth, and inviting. Not at all like the day before in your office. 

You play coy and don't bother to look up, fidgeting with your sandwich. 

"Hello," you reply distantly. He made you nervous. Would he bring up yesterday's conversation? Will he continue to look that delectable each day?

He smirked and took a bite of the fuzzy peach. There was a slight crunch as he dug his pearly whites into the rounded fruit. The velvet and thin layer of skin eased off and entered his mouth; he chewed slightly and let the piece swirl around with his thick tongue. 

You peered to look at him and his stare hadn't relented. He took another bite. This time the luscious juice slips out of the white-yellow fleshed fruit and down slightly on his chin. Oh, to be that piece of fruit and have him ravish you that way.  How he’d expertly use his hands over you and taste you with those lips.

He can tell you're still distant, however he notices you're unable to tear your eyes away from him. 

He walks over, closer to you now, and you can smell his cologne: a woody aromatic scent tied with a hint of suede. It's downright delicious and with the mix of the peach, your senses are in overdrive. 

What is it with this man and his ability to excite and anger you all at once? You not only want to put him into his place, you want to do so right here on the cafeteria table and have your way with him.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" He smiles devilishly and places the half eaten fruit on the table next to your phone and walks away. 

Your cringe and use all your might to not look back at him. He's going to make this very hard for you, very hard indeed. 

[oneboxofmatches]

Hi!!! May I request a HP romantic and friendship matchup on both eras? (Preferably male), thanks in advance! 💞

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, Ravenclaw, and my patronus spirit is swan. Bi Pan Genderfluid girl using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. A friend of mine told me that I (kinda) look like Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 (a Netflix animated series), but the exception is I'm short (5'1.2") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has messy/wavy brunette medium hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin and a small beauty mark on the forehead. My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant and shy at first cause' I dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis, talkative, awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY clumsy, secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over any wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, sarcastic person with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no. 1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), and will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

People thought I'm a demure self-effacing woman that looks "idealistic" or "one of a kind," (due to my protective parents, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, I'm eloquent, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic crybaby filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone, yet I still managed to be stronger than ever, even it's a slow burn process. I can be intimidating, sassy, and a douchebag if I receive ends. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, very indecisive, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive or I might break a belonging due to my carelessness). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic person, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams) 𝖺𝗇𝖽 what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Blunt but the loudest idiotic feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will act like a silent backstabber on people that we loathe, will crack up over your stupid antics before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic who tends to banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment (but gets grumpy if I received sappy or offensive one), still generous and concerned in a subtle way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 making corniest jokes/puns, 𝗌𝗅𝖾𝖾𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD).

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, eating a lot, cartoons, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and writings, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity and worse scenarios in real life, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some are too hypocritical.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, and oratorical skills...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader). Currently an incoming college freshman, learning how to cook and have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

Thank you so, so much for requesting! I had a lot of fun with this one (as you can tell by some of the really long answers lol) and I hope you enjoy!!

In the Golden Trio era, I romantically pair you with…

CEDRIC DIGGORY

One of the most beautiful things about Cedric is that although he may show some introverted tendencies, he still manages to have a natural gift for connecting to others and allowing them to feel comfortable enough to open up. Really, your initial distance and shyness don't last nearly as long towards Cedric as they would with most other people.

Hearing your laughter brings the widest, cheesiest grin to Cedric’s face. Not only does he adore seeing you happy, but he also recognizes that your anxiety, insecurities, and strong emotions can sometimes cloud up your demeanor. Therefore, it brings him comfort knowing that (for the moment) you’re finding joy. He thrives when you thrive!

However, as much as he loves seeing your more energetic and happier self, it goes without saying that he’s the best comfort for when you’re not having the best day.

Cedric is an excellent listener, so he’ll most likely let you talk without interruption for as long as you need before even saying a word. He wants to make sure he truly understands your current state before acting. He may take a few seconds to process everything after you finish speaking, but then he’ll help you tackle whatever problems you’re facing. He’s especially talented at giving words of affirmation.

Cedric’s listening also comes in handy whenever you talk about your interests! He genuinely loves hearing about the things you’re interested in solely for the fact that you’re interested in them. Side note: you can count on him to be at any music performances, pageants, etc. you may have -- this guy is truly your #1 supporter.

Cedric’s a very good student (though I suspect he’s somewhat of a procrastinator himself), so I can also see you two supporting each other through schoolwork and celebrating each other’s successes.

Like you, Cedric has a strong urge to do the right thing. Talking to him about social issues stirs up a need to help, and I could see you two doing volunteer work together in your spare time.

I like to believe one of Cedric’s biggest love languages is quality time. Don’t get me wrong, this guy loves staying involved and busy. But taking a couple hours to be with you in small ways (even if that means just being in the same room while you scroll through social media) gives him a nice balance.

Overall, this kind boy will be there unwaveringly through the bad times and will laugh just as loud as you through the good!

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LUNA LOVEGOOD

You wanna talk about the best conversations, relentless support, and overall the most wholesome friendship you could ask for? Luna’s your girl.

Being unashamed to be true to yourself is one of the biggest reasons why Luna is so drawn to you. While she’s very friendly and insightful towards everyone she meets, it can get a bit repetitive for her to constantly interact with people who try to shelter their unique characteristics from the world. In her mind, these unique characteristics are what make people so fascinating! Why should anyone hide who they are?

Luna’s creativity is endless, and I can see it blending well with yours. Collaborating on a personal project outside of school (ex: novel, blog, etc.) together is definitely something I could see you two doing.

Speaking of creativity, finding creative solutions to everyday problems (both in school and in life) is your specialty as friends.

Admittedly, Luna isn’t usually drawn to louder individuals. However, the complexity behind your personality makes it easier for her to know you are much more than what meets the eye.

Speaking of, Luna has a difficult time standing up for herself -- whether it’s because she doesn’t feel a need to or she just doesn’t recognize the meaning behind certain phrases. She NEEDS a friend like you to stand up for her sometimes, and I know you wouldn’t hesitate!

Ranting to Luna is therapeutic to say the least. While her aloofness at times may make it seem as if she isn’t fully paying attention, that couldn’t be further from the truth. She’s actually catching every word, and once you’re done she’ll leave you with a philosophical solution that may seem borderline insane/irrelevant when you first hear it, but it strangely makes sense.

Overall, the lack of judgment from either of you is what draws you together. As a result, you build a unique bond that couldn’t be broken even if either of you wanted it to.

In the Marauders era, I romantically pair you with…

REMUS LUPIN

Let’s be honest, it would take you two so long to ask each other out. You were probably already really close friends, but the insecurities and “what if?” questions from both of you delayed an actual relationship.

When you finally started dating, you were both so relieved. You still share a laugh at how almost nothing changed in the way you interacted with each other.

While with mutual friends, Remus sometimes likes to sit back and just watch you, especially when you get really talkative because this is when you become the most expressive. He has the softest smile when you’re actively cracking jokes, discussing something you’re passionate about, or even calling someone out. Sometimes you may be too distracted to notice, but other times you’ll catch him.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.” (While that same soft smile never leaves his face.)

You both hold really high standards for yourself in terms of school, so expect late-night study/work sessions to be your best bet for quality time.

Though the occasional instance of walking through/lying on the grounds becomes a favorite for both of you.

Remus listens when you’re particularly struggling through anxiety or strong emotions, but he has to consciously stop himself from interrupting because he can’t stand how he feels knowing you’re going through a tough time.

All he wants to do is soothe you during these moments. If you’re comfortable, he’ll hold you while speaking to you in a soft voice. Remus, the intellectual that he is, is also your best chance at finding a reasonable solution. So if you're not in the mood for calming words, he's also a great person to turn to for answers.

As for your ambitions, no matter what you choose to pursue, you already know Remus is going to be your biggest source of support every step of the way. He’s more than happy to help in any way he can!

Overall, Remus appreciates you, and he’s always going to make sure you know it.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LILY EVANS

Lily especially connects to you because you manage to be determined, competitive, and intelligent without sacrificing your kindness, which is something she can relate to.

You and Lily are the C.E.O.s of doing the right thing. Neither of you hesitates to back the other up when it comes to confronting someone because you know it’s justified.

As perceptive as Lily is, you never need to tell her when something is bothering you. All it takes is a quick glance before she puts whatever she’s doing on hold to check in with you.

The reverse works as well. Typically, Lily really doesn’t internally struggle too much, and when she does she tries to hide it. You’re one of the only people who can see right through whatever she tries to pull.

The constant banter between you two is unmatched, but you both know it's because you really care about each other.

Overall, you and Lily have each other’s backs through anything, even when the other isn’t actively asking for help.