#using the scripts he was probably taught for diplomacy as a kid

[professorjirt]

I’m going to be honest I didn’t initially think of Thorin as autistic and that was 100% entirely bc everything he did I just went ‘mhm makes sense anyone could do that’ bc I’m also autistic. in hindsight. yeah he’s really autistic why was he just standing there like this 🧍‍♂️in most neutral social settings

[rachelkaser]

Stay Golden Sunday: The Engagement

In my continuing efforts to find time to write about things outside of the bounds of my job, I’ve been thinking about some old friends. If I’m going to write about anything in the wreckage of 2020, I want it to be something very close to me, something I know that others remember with as much fondness as I do.

So yeah: Let’s talk about The Golden Girls.

Thank You For Being a Friend

Given everything that’s happened this year, both to the world and me, I’ve not really been so interested in watching new shows as re-watching some old favorites. And out of those, the closest to my heart is The Golden Girls. It’s the show I watched the most with my late mother -- she and I bonded from my pre-adolescence to my late twenties on this show.

I was at the perfect age to absorb this show’s lessons, even if some of the raunchier humor went over my head when I was a kid. This is the show that taught me about strong friendships, how to love well, tolerance, acceptance, grief, humility, integrity and good humor. There are so many parts of myself I can trace, in some way, to Dorothy, Sophia, Blanche, and Rose -- and through them, my mother.

And I’m far from the only one. According to a report from The New York Times, the show became incredibly popular with 18-to-34 year-olds after it began airing on Lifetime -- the article charmingly refers to us as “The Grandchildren of the Golden Girls.” As you might expect, that’s not the projected demographic for a show starring four women over the age of 50 (yes, Blanche, you really are old enough to have a 16-year-old grandson).

If I had to pick a reason, it’d be a combination of the motherly warmth of the four main characters and the novelty (and reassurance) of a show that tells you life does in fact go on when you’re no longer in the bloom of youth. The NYT article features an interview with a Lifetime exec who theorizes that it’s because the women act in a way we typically associate with youth: “They all dated, they all talked about sex, they didn't care about what people thought about them. Those are all values that younger people share.”

I agree with that sentiment, though I will add an addendum: They act the way younger people want to act. Younger people want to be carefree and fun-loving in the way that the Girls are. More often than not, young people are -- and I say this with all the fondness and self-effacement of someone about to exit their twenties -- comparative basketcases. It’s like Mark Twain said: “Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.”

Of course, there’s an alternate explanation: Golden Girls is really goddamned funny.

So every Sunday, I’ll recap and review an episode from The Golden Girls. Barring extraordinary circumstances, I’ll review every episode in order. Then I’ll give some commentary on the story, highlight any of those devilish inconsistencies, and pick a favorite line. I hope some of my fellow Grandchildren of the Golden Girls enjoy some of my thoughts on the episodes.

Picture it...

With all that being said (and I promise no long intros after this point unless it’s very called for), let’s get started with the pilot episode, “The Engagement,” which originally aired in September 1985.

The show proper opens with Dorothy Zbornak and Rose Nylund asking roommate Blanche Hollingsworth about the man she’s been seeing. Blanche tells them the gallant beau in question, Harry, has proposed -- in spite of the fact that, as Rose points out, they’ve only known each other a week. And Harry wants an answer tonight.

Meanwhile, the doorbell rings, and Dorothy answers to see her mother Sophia Petrillo, who says that her nursing home burned down. As Blanche has to explain to Rose, Sophia’s cutting words are the result of her stroke destroying her inhibitions. Sophia does indeed have the subtlety and diplomacy of a Sherman tank, but she at least thinks gay cook Coco is alright.

Harry arrives and schmoozes all of the ladies, though Sophia is not impressed. After he leaves, Rose has a soliloquy about how glad she was to move in with the other ladies, as otherwise she’d be alone, with her children grown up and her husband dead, and she’s not sure what to do now with herself. Sophia’s suggestion? “Get a poodle.”

Rose and Dorothy are divided on whether or not Blanche will accept Harry’s proposal, with Rose adamant that Blanche can’t be without male attention. Blanche returns, and reveals -- after a brief argument about the movement speed of oysters -- she accepted Harry’s proposal and they’ll be married in a week. When Rose asks where she and Dorothy will live once Blanche, who owns the house, is married, Blanche responds that they can stay for as long as they like.

A week later, Blanche is preparing for her wedding. Rose pulls Dorothy aside and says there’s something about Harry that makes her suspicious, but she’s not sure what. She tries to tell Blanche to call off the wedding, but Dorothy resorts to physical restraint to stop her from ruining Blanche’s happy moment, up to and including throwing Rose into Blanche’s closet.

Harry is late to the wedding, much to the frustration of the minister -- “This is Miami. I’ve got funerals backed up.” When the doorbell rings, however, it’s a police officer (played by a pre-Designing Women Meshach Taylor), who tells Blanche that Harry has been arrested for bigamy. Harry leaves Blanche a note telling her she was special to him.

Three weeks later, Blanche is still upset and refusing to leave her room. Rose and Dorothy discuss what to do, and Sophia’s only input is to ask to be left on the curb next to the trash cans when she goes. Blanche arrives, smiling, and says the girls helped her pull through her grief. The girls all go out to celebrate with dinner, but Sophia declines as she and Coco are going to the dog track.

BLANCHE: Your mother bets?

DOROTHY: No, she rides. She’s a dog jockey.

“It’s Miami in June. Only cats are wearing fur.”

For a pilot, this episode establishes the characters, their biographies, and their dynamics with incredible economy. What you see here is what you’re going to see for the next seven seasons, at least with regards to the four women.

For example, we know the moment she opens her mouth that Dorothy is a teacher -- that teacher, specifically. She’s smart and tough enough to tell her rebellious students to leave. She also complains that “all the single men under 80 are cocaine smugglers,” establishing pretty much all you need to know about the women’s dating lives. We also known from the moment we see Rose that she’s bright, cheerful, and a grief counselor -- she probably couldn’t say a stern or unkind word if her life depended on it.

Blanche, on the other hand, has to bear the first heartbreak of the series -- meaning she’s the first who gets her negative character traits examined as well as her positives. She’s refined, graceful, and sexy on the positive side. Unfortunately, she’s also desperate for romantic affection, so much so that she accepts the proposal of a man she’s only known a week and suffers for it. I don’t think there’s an actress in the world who could have sold this as well as Rue McClanahan did.

That said, I think it’s Sophia that binds the whole episode together. Without her sass, I don’t know if the three women would have held together as well as they do. While the opening moments of the show do have some crackle to them, it’s only when Estelle Getty walks on screen that the show really comes to life. Not only does her sharp tongue pair well with Dorothy’s own witty banter, she’s a great counterpoint to Rose’s bubbleheaded buoyancy and Blanche’s genteel manners.

As is usual for pilots, not everything about this episode stayed for the rest of the show’s run. The biggest example of this is Coco, the gay cook who appears only in this episode, but there are others. For starters, Blanche’s room is in a completely different part of the house, and she’s referred to by the name “Blanche Hollingsworth.” Sophia’s smart mouth is blamed on her stroke, rather than being who she is. The entire house’s furniture, decorations, and color palette would eventually change.

Coco’s a bit of an unusual example, because it feels like even the people who made the show didn’t know what to do with him. He’s given next to nothing to do. He has no stand-out personality traits like the ladies. Even most of the shots are framed in such as way as to exclude him: For example, he’s “on-stage” for the whole kitchen scene at the beginning of the episode, but look how these shots are angled so as not to show him:

That’s bizarre because, according to Golden Girls Forever by Jim Colucci, the “gay houseboy” character was apparently pretty important in the early script treatments. All of the writers apparently wanted to see more gay characters on TV and they thought he would add variety to the cast. But even one of the people who auditioned for the role said he thought the character was cheap and drew attention away from the women. The character was eventually dropped because it didn’t make sense for the women to be living together out of financial necessity and have a live-in domestic.

I didn’t think I was going to see inconsistencies in the very first episode either, but there is at least one: Blanche tells Harry about Sophia’s home burning down, even though Blanche wasn’t in the room when Sophia told Dorothy that. These little continuity errors have become a kind of trivia for Golden Girls fans, as fondly remembered as anything in accepted canon.

Overall, I can see why this script attracted three well-known TV actresses, and why everyone at NBC fell in love with it. I’ll work out a grading system for episodes later, but for now I’ll just say I’m so, so, so pleased for myself and the world in general that they managed to capture this kind of lightning in a bottle.

Favorite part of the episode:

ROSE: I can’t eat anything that moves. DOROTHY: Like what, Rose? Horses? ROSE: Like oysters. COCO: Oysters don’t move. DOROTHY: Coco, they could dance! Who cares?!

[viralhottopics]

‘Think about the bigger picture’: life lessons from Meryl Streep and other successful women

Theyve won Oscars, Pulitzers and Nobel peace prizes: eight women at the top of their game tell us how they got there

Meryl Streep has been nominated for more Academy Awards than any other actor, and has won for Kramer vs Kramer, Sophies Choice and The Iron Lady. In 2015, she sent every member of Congress a letter supporting a proposed amendment to the US constitution to mandate equal rights for women; the amendment was not passed

I didnt always want to be an actor. I thought I wanted to be a translator at the UN and help people understand each other. Some young people come into acting because they see it as glossy and heightened and more sort of divine than their existence; but what interests me is getting deep into someone elses life, to understand what compelled them to move in one direction or the other. That other stuff, Ive never liked. My mother used to say, People would give their right arm to walk down that red carpet. Enjoy it! You just cant change who you are.

Womens rights? Were going to keep talking about it until theres balance ��� Meryl Streep on equality

The influencers in our industry are overwhelmingly men: the critics, the directors branch of the Academy. If they were overwhelmingly female, there would be a hue and cry about it. Women have 17% of the influence, more or less, in every part of the decision-making process in the industry and, inevitably, thats going to decide what kind of films are made. But the material that comes to me is still interesting. Im 67, so mostly I get things for people that age, and there are wonderful projects that would never have existed even 10 years ago. Twenty years ago, I would have been playing witches and crones.

Going from job to job, never knowing where the next one would be, has allowed me to spend time with my four kids more than if Id worked at a desk job. Thats a really tough gig, and I dont know if I could have had four kids and done that. Decisions I made in my career were not always based on aesthetic criteria: was it near, was it going to be shot in the vacation? You make all sorts of compromises in order to have this other thing that you value. My girls and my son and my husband are all way too much in each others business, I would say, but were close and thats important. I always tried to stay challenged and work hard, but also keep my hand in and stir the pot at home.

I spent far too much time when I was younger thinking about how much I weighed. If I could go back, Id say, Think about the bigger picture. Of course, its a visual medium. We think about our looks. I dont bring a suitcase with my dossier in it to an audition, I bring my body, so you cant moan about the fact that youre judged on your looks: its showbusiness. But the other thing is that youre representing lives, and lives look all different ways and shapes. Thats one thing I do see changing, and its really good. It makes the cultural landscape richer.

Nimco Ali, co-founder of Daughters of Eve. Photograph: Brigitte Lacombe

Nimco Ali was born in Somalia. She is the co-founder, with Leyla Hussein, of Daughters of Eve, a non-profit organisation that supports young women from communities that practise female genital mutilation (FGM)

I had FGM as a seven-year-old, and later saw girls going through it, but I didnt join the conversation. Then I started to see my silence as complicity. Around 2010, I moved to London and came across people working around FGM, but I couldnt see what they were trying to achieve. I wanted to educate people, yes, but this isnt a question of ignorance; its organised crime. I got together with Leyla, and we started to do more with MPs.

I want to place the responsibility in the hands of the state. Ive seen community work being done for years, and it doesnt work. Its not up to communities to police themselves. People were saying, How can mothers allow this? but I was saying, How can you, as a citizen of this country, know a five-year-old is about to be cut and stand by because youre afraid to offend her community? Youre telling that child she doesnt matter.

It was early 2011 when I first said, Im Nimco and Im an FGM survivor. A lot of people were shocked. But I didnt want to be treated with sympathy: I wanted to talk about survivors, not victims, and I wanted to prevent it.

First came redefining FGM with the Home Office as an act of violence; then defining it as child abuse. It was a way of saying to these girls, Youre British and we care about you as much as anyone else. My vagina is British; it doesnt have a different passport.

The first time my picture appeared in a newspaper, I had death threats. I stayed in bed for two days, wondering, Is it worth it? But then I felt guilty. If a girl goes through infibulation and then disappears, we never find out. If something happens to me, at least someone will know.

Having friends I can talk to has been an immense help. A girl came up to me on the tube and said, Are you Nimco, the girl who talks about FGM? And I thought, This is where I get spat on. But she wanted to thank me.

I dont think of myself as a leader, but as part of a chain. If it wasnt for all the amazing women who came before me, I wouldnt be able to do any of it.

Samantha Power, US ambassador to the United Nations. Photograph: Brigitte Lacombe

Samantha Power moved to the US from Ireland when she was nine. Her first book, A Problem From Hell: America And The Age Of Genocide, won a Pulitzer prize. In 2013, she was made US ambassador to the United Nations

I had recently graduated from university in 1992 when I saw images in the New York Times of bone-thin stick figures in camps in the former Yugoslavia images I didnt think one could see in the 90s. I wanted to help, but didnt have any skills. I had been a sports reporter in college, so I decided to try my luck at being a war correspondent. It was a bit of a crazy idea, but a lot of young people were doing the same thing, because they felt horrified and powerless.

Im not great at languages, but Im great at talking, and my stubborn desire to communicate with people got me to the point where I could do interviews in the local language. I wrote about my experience, and looked at why the US did what it did when faced with genocide in the 20th century. One key conclusion was how hard it was to effect change. But it still felt as though no other organisation could make an impact like the US government. It seemed to me it would be more efficient to be inside the government than on the outside, throwing darts.

These werent steps on a conventional path, and my advice to young people would be not to decide on a job title and script a path toward it, but to develop your interests go deep instead of wide.

Ive tried to inject individual stories into everything I do: real faces and real people. Empowering women to get involved in government and diplomacy brings a different set of perspectives, which benefits everyone. This isnt a theory, its a fact: according to the UN, womens participation increases the probability of peace deals lasting 15 years by 35%.

My son was born in 2009 and my daughter in 2012, and I hope, as a result of this job, theyll be more empathetic, more globally curious. My son is a big baseball fan, as am I, and when Im finished, were going to travel the US and see a game in each of the different ballparks. I hope to make up for some of the lost time.

Mhairi Black MP. Photograph: Brigitte Lacombe

Mhairi Black is the SNP MP for Paisley and Renfrewshire South. In 2015, aged 20, she became the youngest British MP since 1667. Her maiden speech in the Commons had 11m views online

I was brought up in Paisley: it was Mum, Dad, my older brother and me. We used to go on caravan holidays to the north of Scotland. My mums mum had 13 children, so I had lots of cousins to play with.

Our family has always been politically aware: my grandparents were involved in trade unions and Mum and Dad were teachers. When I was eight, my parents, brother, aunties and I marched against the Iraq war in Glasgow. Tony Blair was in town for the Labour party conference, but apparently he got word of the march, so, by the time we were marching past the building hed disappeared in a helicopter. I remember finding that really unfair, even at eight.

Inequality of any kind is the thing that drives me. I always look at who is losing out, and why. Everything I am interested in boils down to the fact that theres an injustice happening somewhere.

When the independence referendum was announced, I was a yes voter, and I thought, if there was ever a time to join a political party, its now. After we lost the referendum, a couple of folk in the local SNP party were saying I should put my name forward to be a candidate, and I said, Dont be daft. Im 20. What do I know about life? I was giving myself the sort of criticism that other people give me now. People in the constituency started challenging me, saying, Why is that a bad thing? Surely parliament should represent everybody. And I thought, Thats a good point. OK, Ill go through the vetting process and see if I pass.

I had no idea what to do after university, but I think its good to try things and, if youre good at them, keep going and see how far you get. Mum and Dad taught my brother and me to have confidence in ourselves, but never arrogance theres a fine line. Confidence comes from giving yourself credit when its due. My parents always said that as long as you know your stuff and you know what it is youre going for and why, and if youve practised hard and think youre good enough, then, by all means, stand up and make sure youre counted.

Ill be happy if, in five years time, I can say, The place I am representing has been better represented than it ever was before.

I think part of the problem with politics has been people viewing it as a career. You shouldnt be in it in order to become first minister. It has to be for a purpose, and it has to be in the present.

Tavi Gevinson, editor-in-chief of Rookie magazine. Photograph: Brigitte Lacombe

Tavi Gevinson is a writer, actor and editor-in-chief of the online magazine Rookie, which she launched aged 15

People talk about how the internet can make us less connected, but there are also people who cant find that connection to others elsewhere, whether at school or in marginalised communities. With Rookie, I want to create a place where you can make real friendships.

My mother is an artist, and when I was little we were always making stuff, so there was never any fear around creating different things pictures, outfits. I would get home from school, grab the camera and tripod, go into the back yard and just do it. This was way before people could make a living out of fashion blogs.

When I was 13, and living in Oak Park, Illinois, my Style Rookie blog gave me access to a world I would not otherwise have had access to no way would I have been able to see a fashion show without that.

I was OK with challenging people, and I didnt mind if people didnt like my outfits. Fashion has a bad rap, about being shallow, about pleasing men, so I was happy I was wearing unfashionable, bizarre outfits celebrating fashion, but not some beautiful, sexualised model.

On many of the fashion blogs I read, women talked about feminism freely. It felt like a movement of the past, but I realised I had been a feminist before I ever identified as one.

After a series of false starts, I started talking on my blog about what an honest magazine for teen girls would look like. There are people whose jobs are to figure out how teenagers feel; I thought Id go straight to the source not so they could be targeted by marketing companies, but so that young people could have a network.

Ive done my job if people are inspired or entertained or feel more OK with themselves after seeing something on Rookie. We never tell people how to think or feel; we want to tell our readers they already have all the answers. If you want to do something, just do it! You can start 80 new lives if you want. You have to try, and be open and excited about failure, because it teaches you a lot.

Dame Athene Donald. Photograph: Brigitte Lacombe

Dame Athene Donald is professor of experimental physics at the University of Cambridge and master of Churchill College

When I was at school, girls werent expected to have careers. I assumed that after university, Id get a job and then get married. I say to those who are setting out now, its fine not to know what you want to do.

I got married when I was doing my PhD. My husband had a couple of fellowships, but I was the one who got the permanent position. He stopped working for a long time, although it wasnt necessarily what he wanted to do. We have two children, now grown up. I have always been uncomfortable being held up as the woman who has done it all: I know what costs were involved. You do need to marry the right person. I think there is still a presumption that childcare is the womans problem; its not, its the couples problem.

There were subtle gender-stereotyping pressures against physics when I was young. Nowadays, numerous initiatives encourage more girls into science. Its a question of constantly pushing back against the idea that girls do certain things and boys do other things.

At times, I still feel in the minority. I sat on one very high-level committee chaired by a man who addressed the group as gentlemen, even though two of us were women. I later wrote to him, pointing out the discourtesy; he replied that it was just the terminology he was used to it didnt mean anything. The next time he did it, though, one of the men pulled him up and he never did it again. That was probably more effective than if Id made a fuss there and then.

Our intake of women to men is nothing like 50:50, and I would very much like to improve the ratio. We already do an enormous amount of outreach, and I blog and Im on Twitter, because it enables me to reach more people.

Its hugely important to remind the government how much science matters to the economy. We dont have North Sea oil any more, and the banking industry is falling to pieces. Science and engineering are at the heart of our capacity to innovate and grow.

Ava DuVernay, film director. Photograph: Brigitte Lacombe

Ava DuVernay is a film director, screenwriter and founder of distribution company Array. Her 2014 film Selma, about Martin Luther King, was nominated for a best picture Academy Award

I didnt grow up around artists, and I dont come from a family of artists. When I graduated from college I got into film publicity, but I never thought I could be the film-maker. Then I found myself on many sets, and started to believe I could do it, too.

I like that independence that comes from doing things for yourself, and doing them well. Editing, directing, producing, financing, distributing and publicising my own first films gave me a grasp of the process.

In the early parts of making Selma, I didnt believe it was going to happen, even as I was making it. My father is from Montgomery, Alabama, which is very close to Selma, so I knew the place and had a handle on that time in history. I started telling the story and, before I knew it, it was in movie theatres. It was so fast, I never had a chance to think, Oh my gosh, can I do this? I just thought, Im going to keep going until someone tells me to stop.

As a black woman film-maker there isnt a lot of support there arent many of us around so instead of not doing something, I figure out a way to do it without support. As you start to create your own work, you attract help from like-minded people; you can never attract it if youre sitting still.

The landscape has changed since I started my distribution company in 2010; we have Netflix, Amazon, all these streaming platforms. Its an incredible time to be an artist, especially for those who had been left behind. I find it very exciting to think, Im not going to continue knocking on that old door that doesnt open for me; Im going to create my own door and walk through that.

I always say: work without permission. So many of us work from a permission-based place, waiting for someone to say its OK. So often I hear people asking, How do I get started? You just start. It wont be perfect. Itll be messy and itll be hard, but youre on your way.

Leymah Gbowee, peace activist. Photograph: Brigitte Lacombe

Leymah Gbowee is a Liberian peace activist. In 2002, angered by the civil war, the then 30-year-old social worker and mother of four (she now has seven children) organised a march on the capital, with a sit-in that lasted months, leading President Charles Taylor to agree to peace talks. The womens actions led to the removal of Taylor and the inauguration of Africas first female president, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, with whom Gbowee shared the Nobel peace prize in 2011

I was 17 when the civil war started. I had just finished high school and was planning to be a doctor, but the war upended everything. I did a three-month social work course, because that seemed the most immediate way to help. In time, I worked with former child soldiers. I was in one village when the government sent in a truck to abduct children and teach them how to use AK47s. I was with the mothers, watching their children being taken.

By 1998 I had met activists from Sierra Leone who claimed that women could change things, but it was only when I began to work with the wives of ex-combatants that I saw what they meant. The ex-soldiers were often very violent and angry, but their wives stood up to them.

There was a lot of work to do to create a movement that would have some impact: it took us two and a half years. The important thing was that we had no political agenda: we had a shared vision for peace. We were there because we cared about our families.

In 2002 we marched on the capital, Monrovia. There were thousands of us. When we started a sex strike, it became a huge story, and an opportunity for us to talk about peace. Then, when it was clear that nothing was coming of the peace talks in Ghana, we went to the hotel where they were being held and said we would disrobe. This horrified people: to see a married or elderly woman deliberately bare herself is thought to bring down a terrible curse.

We were able to use things that were ours our empathy, the ways we are perceived to make the men listen. It is important we understand our strengths, because in war, the rape and abuse of women and children are seen as ways to demoralise the enemy, to show them they are unable to take care of their families.

It is no longer an option for women to say, Im not a politician. We need to up our game. The age-old excuse has been that we cant find the good women. It is time for the good women to step up.

Extracted from The Female Lead, published next month by Penguin at 30. To order a copy for 25.50, go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846.

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from ‘Think about the bigger picture’: life lessons from Meryl Streep and other successful women