#user.jeonginwrld 🍬˝

[starseungs]

this being one of my own fav works im so glad you liked it!! this got me emotional too while writing it i guess i was just in that mood for me to word vomit emotions but it turned out better than i thought it would <3 thank you for reading rin!!

➳ invisible ties. ksm

 ೃ࿔₊• pairing | kim seungmin x gn!reader

not all childhood friends are known as such. those with invisible ties also exist, a bittersweet reminder of such friendship.

 ೃ࿔₊• genre | hurt-comfort, sprinkle of angst, fluff(?), childhood friends to lovers, highschool au, popular!seungmin — 2.6k words

 ೃ࿔₊• warnings | self doubt, a whole lot of doubts in general, misunderstandings (with a happy ending)

 ೃ࿔₊• note | this is #1 on my skz as types of childhood friends to lovers series! tbh i didn't think i was going to like how i wrote this as much as i actually do but its one of my favorites now-

Seungmin had always been a talented guy. He had a knack for being good at whatever you would throw at him, proving to you that he could, in fact, probably do anything. But if there was one thing Seungmin was a total master at, it would be getting on people's good sides—heck, even just the bare minimum of gaining their attention. He was a shining star in everyone's eyes. That was the kind of guy Seungmin was.

So it was to absolutely no one's surprise that he was always considered popular, even as a kid in kindergarten.

That small neighborhood kindergarten was also where you met Seungmin. At the age of five, your little brain had already decided that making friends was a social construct, stubbornly refusing to interact with the other kids for more than three minutes. You were quite an interesting child, to say the least. And maybe that was why five-year-old Seungmin quickly took an interest in you—making it his life's goal to befriend the "shy kid" in class. The teachers would actually beg to differ with that title. You weren't shy, they said. Just "troubled."

As if that changed anything (and it really didn't.)

Yet, Seungmin did what no other kid would have dreamed of attempting, aka, interacting with you. And boy, did he do it with the passion of an Olympic athlete desperate for a medal. The five-year-old was determined to make you his friend—which, now that you think about it, maybe could have just been his pride; not wanting to accept that he couldn't charm someone. Kim Seungmin was the center of attention; that was just his natural role in life. But he stuck to his goal anyway, so you applaud him for his determination on that one. There were a lot of things to describe Seungmin, and being persistent was certainly on the list.

From sitting with you during activities to following you around on the playground, Seungmin would not leave you alone at all. He would trail behind you like a lost puppy (to be fair, he does resemble one) throughout most of the day, even though you barely looked back and acknowledged him. The only time you ever did so was when you got annoyed and told him to go away. And he did.

For about six minutes, before you had someone tailing you again. 

One day, you'd just had enough of his antics, already planning to blow up without a single remorse on the poor guy to stop all this nonsense—up until he suddenly presented you with a pen with your favorite cartoon character on it, saying it was a gift he got you. Apparently, he begged his mom to buy it as a gift for you because you were the first thing he thought of the moment he saw the pen's design. Young you immediately felt so bad for plotting war on him only a few minutes back, your resolve folding only seconds later.

Seungmin wasn't that bad, you remember convincing yourself.

Your view of Seungmin turned a complete one-eighty after that event. It was then that you finally accepted his advances and allowed the friendship to start. Surprisingly, it survived past kindergarten all the way to elementary—something you probably should have expected since you even ended up in the same grade school (courtesy of your dear mother, who—like everyone else—took a liking to Seungmin and wanted you to keep being friends with him.)

Seungmin was as popular as ever, earning countless recognitions left and right for anything and everything under the sun. The complete opposite of you, who your classmates often forget was even there in the first place. You didn't mind, of course—still bearing the same mindset you had in kindergarten. As long as you had Seungmin, everything was fine. You didn't need anyone else; you'd already made it through life without your only friend before he even remembered your name. It's not like they were really needed.

Right? 

That's what you originally thought, anyway. Yet, there was something you failed to notice up until the two of you reached middle school. And boy, were you in for a rude awakening. One that was worse than hearing your father turn the TV on at the break of dawn, with a volume louder than you flushing the toilet at midnight.

The first seed of doubt was planted during ninth grade, when you overheard a group of girls from your class talking about Seungmin. It wasn't long 'til you understood that they were his admirers, seeing as they were blatantly conversing about how Seungmin looked very attractive during baseball practice yesterday. How they could find him handsome in all his sweaty glory is beyond you. He honestly just looked like a whole bucket of water was dumped on him. But you guess there was always something for everyone, and continued to listen in. After all, even you knew that the Kim Seungmin of your school was pretty well-known as the "campus crush."

So when one of the girls mentioned wanting to give him a drink during today's practice break, you decided to give them money-worthy information—revealing your best friend's favorite drink. You knew that Seungmin wasn't very vocal about his own preferences, very much aware of how that would only cause more problems for him—his words, not yours. If his middle school fan club heard him complaining about them at the kitchen counter, shuddering over the sheer thought of what they could and are capable of doing, they'd be floored.

It was merely a short comment. "Seungmin likes coffee beverages," was all you inserted into their (rather loud) conversation. You had no particular expectation of the response you were going to get, but the one you actually got caught you off guard. That was because instead of focusing on the detail you had just dropped, they were more dumbfounded by the fact that you even knew that at all. What, did they think you were a stalker or something? Seungmin's fangirl deep inside? You knew what drinks he liked because he was your best friend—oh.

That was the exact moment you realized: in the eyes of almost everyone else, you and Seungmin had no connection other than being schoolmates in the same batch.

All your interactions with Seungmin were after school: you would go to school and home together, as well as hang out on free days. But you had little to no contact once you entered the school gates, which was where Seungmin normally bid you farewell to head straight towards his other friends. And that was fine with you. Not everything has to be shoved in people's faces.

You could survive even without your and Seungmin's friendship being public knowledge.

Except you soon come to the conclusion that you actually do—because that ugly green and sticky feeling in your stomach (which you later recognized as envy) was loudly screaming every time you heard one of his friends get addressed as "Seungmin's friend." Now, getting your identity watered down to being classified as merely a friend of another person is something that would greatly piss other people off, but you could care less. Your brain was experiencing tunnel vision on the fact that these people could be seen as Seungmin's friends by everyone else while you were stuck hiding in the shadows. It was eating you alive at that point; you wanted to stand right beside him too, like the "best friend" you claimed you were.

The ache grew even more during high school, when you found out you had formed romantic feelings towards Seungmin. It was sudden—or maybe not. Who knows? All you did know was that the realization crashed into you like a speeding bullet train. Seungmin wasn't even doing anything noteworthy—simply on the verge of dozing off during one of your many study sessions. But you found yourself focusing on little intricate details, such as the way he held the pen in a way that made him look like he was ready to write anytime in the next second despite his eyelids drooping oh-so-endearingly to the point that it warmed your heart (and face.)

Something about him that day was making you feel things you knew you shouldn't be feeling. And the mere knowledge of this terrified you, because how could you? If you couldn't even be known as his friend, how could you ever become his lover? And so you chose the most rational course of action.

To distance yourself from him.

Fine, maybe that wasn't the best decision you ever made. Especially not when the Kim Seungmin himself starts chasing you around school just to get you to talk to him. The whole deal greatly reminded you of your younger years, when it all started. And maybe that was why you folded once again, exactly like you did back then.

"Y/N, just talk to me," you remember his exhausted plea along the school's covered pathway, the one connected to the gym where the rest of your classmates were. Why was he even here? His class didn't have the same PE schedule as yours—if anything, you remember from the short conversation you had with Seungmin back at the start of the school year that they had math during this time (a detail you scolded yourself over, because why did you know that?)

His softening grip on your arm brought you back to reality, effectively making you turn and finally look at him. What you saw broke your heart entirely. Seungmin, the Kim Seungmin, campus crush, the main character of everyone's lives, was barely holding back his tears from escaping his glistening eyes, swirling with anxiousness and fear. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked in a fragile tone, his voice so small and soft it was practically a whisper—almost as if he were any louder, you'd fade away into the wind and leave him. "If I did, please tell me. I—I don't want to lose you," Seungmin choked out, the words feeling so heavy on his mouth. The same words he spent days dreading the implications of, nights he lost sleep over from the overwhelming emotion.

To you and everyone else who knew him, Kim Seungmin was a bright light. Yet, right now, only for your eyes—he was the dimmest he had ever been.

"No. There's nothing wrong," you lied through your teeth, tearing yourself apart inside for subjecting him to another kind of pain; one that he wasn't even aware of yet. All you had to do was cover it up with a white lie, "I was just—I was just being stupid. This thing... It was bothering me so much. So, I just wanted to be alone. That's all."

"I'm sorry," were the final words of your guilt-laced excuse. You didn't know how you even got through the whole thing. At this point, you don't even think you deserved to be called Seungmin's friend anymore. He trusted you, but you betrayed him with lies. Maybe the shadows really were the right place for you. A place where you could enjoy everything you desired, even in the midst of complete darkness.

These thoughts stayed as you relayed every single detail of your fully made-up concern to Seungmin after school.

Both of your lives returned to normal after that. Or at least, how normal it would be for you after the shocking revelation. You often found yourself worrying over almost everything, overthinking even the smallest of details. It certainly didn't help that Seungmin had been acting all weird lately—unconsciously avoiding your eyes when you spoke to him, and getting all fidgety when you two were alone. Maybe it was the weeks of silently doubting the validity of your friendship, or the dismay of feeling like he wanted to be anywhere else other than with you during your hangouts, that you finally burst out crying in front of him one day.

Seungmin was completely rattled, not expecting you to suddenly break down in his room while you two were watching a comedy movie. One would think that you were supposed to be laughing; that's because you actually should have been—not full on sobbing. Yet when he eventually got you to pour out everything you've been holding back, his mind went into static.

All he could say was that his thoughts greatly differed from yours.

This whole time, he believed that just like in kindergarten, you would have preferred him to stay away from you in school—wanting to attract as little attention as possible; something that was unavoidable if you were to be known as someone connected to him. So, for that reason, he kept his distance, opting to make up for the time you spent practically ignoring each other by walking you to and from school, treating you to small meals and snacks along the way, and hanging out whenever you both were free.

Don't get him wrong, though; his actions weren't just purely platonic. Seungmin had actually liked you since elementary school but decided to keep it to himself until you showed any signs of returning the sentiment. Admittedly, he first approached you with the aim of being friends for a petty reason. "Y/N doesn't seem to like you, Seungmin," he recalls as clearly as a bright day. The observation came from one of his classmates back in kindergarten, and as a child used to receiving only love, Seungmin was not about to accept not earning yours.

Yet, as time went on, he soon realized that you were the only one who actually stuck by him (aside from his family, of course.) Seungmin never wanted to admit it, but he grew quite attached to you—to the point that if someone asked him if he saw you in his future, he would one-hundred percent say yes without any hesitation at all.

You were a very precious person to him, and there was no denying it.

During elementary years, Seungmin's fondness turned into something more. He wasn't ignorant, even as a child; he knew well what crushes were and had no issue classifying you as his. At that time, though, just like any other kid, he didn't dwell too much on it—opting to enjoy growing up with you rather than bother himself with feelings that he believed didn't need to be complicated.

Seungmin's not-so-platonic emotions directed towards you were placed to the side, unmoving and silenced. It stayed there until high school—when they pushed their way back to the forefront of his mind, where there was no escaping it. The reason? Your decision to distance yourself from him.

In school was one thing, but for you to avoid him outside of it? Unheard of. There was only one time you two were separated for this long, and that was back before you even became friends. Seungmin was definitely suffering with each passing day, but he still chased you. Giving up was not a choice when you were probably hurting too. The thought pained him more than he wanted it to be.

Though the memory of him revealing his raw emotions to you in such a manner was sort of humiliating (but because it was you, he felt less judged); Seungmin didn't regret it one bit. Still, he found it hard to act normally after all that. Having his romantic feelings out in a place where he could barely contain them was more difficult than he thought. Every moment with you just felt so overwhelming—he had to restrain himself from smothering you in a tight hug and never letting you go.

But he didn't need to hide it anymore. 

"You're worth more to me than you'll ever know," he says, cupping your face gently as you hiccup through muffled apologies, unable to stop the tears from streaming down your cheeks like waves. Seungmin placed a feathery kiss on your forehead, the unexpected feeling taking you out of your own spiraling thoughts of negativity to notice that his hands were trembling—along with his wavering voice. "I'm sorry too," he swallowed, sensing his emotions rising as a result of your sniffling. "I'll do my best to never let you feel that way again."

"So give us another chance, please."

mastertag 🏷️ :

@h0neydewmoon @starzzns @lhskokoro @bookishcalls

— let me know if you want to be added or removed^^

[starseungs]

hi hi could i please be added to your mastertag? thank u!

hi rin!! ofc you can be in my mastertag i'll add you <3 thank you for liking my works lovely, it means a lot 🤧🤧

[starseungs]

seungmin is a sweetheart here and y/n has a broken heart </3 its a simple late night talk between two friends but it works well 🫶

➳ 11:36pm. ksm

pairing: kim seungmin x gn!reader

Maybe that dark night was the only one by your side at the moment. Or not.

genre/s: hurt-comfort, fluff, neighbor!seungmin

warning/s: mentions of relationship break up

wc: 0.7k

note: this is a short bonus for my bang chan fic "when you fall", but can stand alone too, so you don't exactly have to read that one before this (it's appreciated if you do tho) <3

You sat there, staring at the starry sky without a word. It was a chilly night, the air lightly frosting over your warm body—but you honestly felt too numb to even care. You found the cold atmosphere comforting, almost as if it was meant to sympathize with you.

When you answered your boyfriend's (well, now ex-boyfriend) call, you certainly didn't expect it to end like this. Even going outside to your room’s balcony, just so you wouldn't disturb any of your family members sleeping inside. Well, that turned out to be a great idea, because then they wouldn't have to hear your small sniffles from the aftermath. 

Pulling your legs up to your chest, you buried your head in your knees. The phone was still open on his contact, mocking you silently as a reminder of the events that had just unfolded. Maybe that dark night was the only one by your side at the moment.

Or not.

"... Y/N?" 

You heard someone softly call out from a short distance. Lifting your head, a silhouette of a guy with dark hair came into your vision—his form standing on the balcony right across yours. Once your eyes managed to clear up and focus on his face, you quickly noticed his eyes were looking at you with swirling worry and a tinge of confusion.

"Oh. Hi, Seungmin," you greeted blandly, not having enough energy for human interactions at the moment. "I'm sorry. Did you wake up because of me?" The question was just out of politeness. There was enough distance between both of your houses for your muffled cries to not be heard. Not much, but enough.

Seungmin shakes his head. "No, not really. I wanted to get water from the kitchen earlier, but now I can’t go back to sleep," he stated passively, diverting his eyes to look at the empty street in front of both of your family homes. 

You appreciated the small act. He may come off as dismissive, and even bored—but judging from the fact that he even came to check on you, was enough proof to tell you he actually cared. 

"Then I saw you from inside. I don’t want to make such a big deal out of this if you’re not up for it, but I just really wanted to ask—are you crying?" He continues. 

At the silent nod of your head, he slowly hums. "So... What’s up?" Seungmin asks as you watch him crouch down to sit on his balcony floor, joining your improptu pity party.

You chuckled hoarsely. "My boyfriend just broke up with me." 

"Sucks, doesn’t it?" 

"Yeah," you reply. He sighed lightly, seeing your heartbroken expression. There was a warm silence that came after—courtesy of Seungmin choosing not to rush you. You weren’t saying it out loud, but he made you feel a lot better with the comfortable atmosphere he unconsciously provided. 

"... Do you mind sharing?" He asks, not-so-subtly trying to get a glance at your reaction in case you weren’t up for the suggestion. His antics made you crack a small smile.

"Sure," you said, tucking some stray hairs behind your ear, "It's simple, really. He just fell out of love." 

"Oh, I see," he comments, finally making eye contact with you. "How are you feeling then?" 

You pondered for a moment before giving an honest reply. "Honestly? Not as bad as I thought... He was pretty transparent and respectful about it too. I had to thank him for that. It was a relatively smooth break up," you gave a short chuckle, "We're on good terms. Agreed to stay as friends." 

It was quiet for another while after that before Seungmin started to stand up from his squatting position. You could only watch as he dusted the back of his comfortable basketball shorts.

Once satisfied, he decides to break the silence. "That's good. Now, enough sulking for you," he huffed while opening his balcony door, giving you a view of his dark room. "There’s more fish in the sea, you know?" 

You blinked at the statement, your eyes refusing to break away from him and instead following his retreating figure. 

"There will be another one, I promise you. Someone better for you," he says. Suddenly, Seungmin stops and starts nervously fumbling with his sliding door’s lock. "Maybe they’re just close around?"

Catching the implication of his words, you shook your head while smiling.

"Yeah, I’ll look forward to that."

mastertag 🏷️ : @h0neydewmoon @straydestiny

[starseungs]

you seem to be binging my angst fics so honestly you brought this to yourself 😽🙏 i wont stop u tho glad you liked the read!!

➳ universe. ksm

pairing: kim seungmin x gn!reader

Every day, he thanked the universe for placing you in his life. Out of the millions of heavenly bodies in the vast sky, you outshone every single one in his eyes. He was waist deep in a slowly sinking phenomenon he could only describe as love.

genre/s: roommates au, angst, fluff, writer!seungmin, unrequited love

warning/s: work & financial struggles, high real estate prices (yes im putting this here), the angst tag is before the fluff tag for a reason (is this a spoiler? probably)

wc: 2.5k

note: behold, another angst from me. don't question it- at this point its the only thing i can write properly;; also this fic is connected to my felix fic if you want to read that after! the two are written to serve as stand-alones too, so it won't affect the stories much if you don't.

Seungmin finally looks up from the blinding light of his laptop and stretches his limbs for the first time since the sun said its goodbyes. His room was dark—the only source of lighting being the laptop’s screen, which only reminds Seungmin that he should probably lower the brightness setting before working in an environment like this. He already had a sinking feeling that he’d be needing a trip to the eye doctor soon. 

And ending up with glasses would be such a hassle.

It’s not that Seungmin hated wearing them per se, but having to use the tool for reading things would hinder the efficiency of his job somehow. Of course, not to the point of a drastic difference, but he liked being able to work on his craft right away whenever and wherever.

You see, Seungmin is a writer. 

Well, calling it his job is sort of a reach. His "actual" job was as a journalist for a news-based company—still in the same field, just different specializations. Seungmin considers himself quite good at both, though.

He loved creating stories. It was his way of destressing from all the chaos that was his list of news topics to cover. Who said journalism was easy? It was enjoyable, yes, but it physically hurts him sometimes when he’s being told to cover devastating topics. Maybe he was just too soft for the line of work. After all, his colleagues seem to be doing just fine with similar coverage.

Seungmin originally wanted to be a book author anyway. It has been a long time dream of his to watch his story and characters come to life in the minds of those who read it. 

His passion for creative writing was something he discovered back when he was still a child. Books were always of interest to him; the concept of experiencing the characters’ lives through words and bringing life to the reader’s imagination was greatly thrilling. And that’s why one day, he simply found himself wanting to try it out.

Years after that event, Seungmin was now a fairly well-known writer on a platform where anyone could post their work. Along the way, he realized that being a professional author was so much harder than it seemed—but this chance was already enough for him. His stories were seen by more people than he had originally imagined, and that itself was a big achievement.

Like a normal person in society, though, he still had to find a job. Posting for free wasn’t going to support his daily life, which is why he ended up working as a journalist. The pay was decent enough to not make him live off of cup ramen like in his broke college days. Despite this, he initially struggled to keep a place to live.

Real estate prices were crazy high in Seungmin’s area. So much that it ate a good chunk of his paycheck just to keep the apartment he had. Sure, he had a stable job, but it wasn’t the highest-paying one out there—it was only about time that he would be struggling to keep up with rent.

And that was when he met you.

"Can I please just have another extension? I had to send money home this week, so I’m really lacking on the payment," Seungmin remembered pleading with the landlord. 

He was severely behind on two months of rent at that moment, and the owner of the complex he lived in was starting to have his patience run thin. 

It wasn’t something he could control! Seungmin’s sister had broken her leg and needed extra money to cover the hospital and recovery fees. He wasn’t about to leave his family hanging like that!

The landlord sighed and patted his back. "Sorry about this Seungmin, but if you can’t pay the two months by tomorrow, we have to ask you to move out. There’s another person who is interested in an apartment here, but we were already full," he said, dropping his arm off Seungmin's back. "We’re running a business here. I hope you understand."

Seungmin was left dumbfounded as the landlord started walking away. What was he going to do now? It’s not as if he could just magically conjure up enough money to fully pay two months of rent. Asking his family was out of the question—they already had their hands full with his sister. So what’s next? His friends? How comedic.

He didn’t have any.

The closest would probably be his co-workers, but it was a very professional relationship and stopped at general concerns. He doubts they would be willing to lend him more than simple pocket money.

"Hello? Excuse me, sir?" He hears a person calling out to him. He turned around and spotted you—who was peeking out your apartment’s front door. Oh, right. You were his neighbor.

"Yes?" 

Seungmin watches as your eyes light up at his response. Why do you look so happy to talk to him? "I’m sorry for the sudden conversation, but it's just that I overheard your talk with the landlord. You’re going to be kicked out tomorrow, right?"

That was certainly one way to say it, he grimaces. Surely, you didn’t mean it in an insulting way, but the cheerful tone in your voice reminding him of the current situation was kind of putting salt over his wound. 

Sighing, Seungmin decides to reply and get it over with, "Apparently. What about it?"

The universe must have been on his side at that moment, because your words certainly caught him off guard. This was not what he was expecting—

"Do you want to share an apartment? I have an extra room."

Granted, any random person who offers to live together would've been sketchy in Seungmin's eyes. But maybe it was your positive vibe that pulled him in, telling him that this was a good idea.

You were literally giving him a place to live, at half the original price. Having a roommate wouldn't be such a big problem, right? Plus, you seemed like a decent person to live with.

However, all his other considerations were thrown out the window at the speed of light once he realized once again how severe his issue was: he was on the brink of becoming homeless. 

"Sure."

And that was where it all started.

Living with you was quite possibly the best decision Seungmin had made in a while. Not only did he continue to live in the same apartment complex (which was the closest to the train station in his area), but he also ended up with more money for spending because the monthly amount he had to pay for rent was cut in half.

You were such an angel too. Always making sure the kitchen was stocked, so that the two of you were living like proper functioning adults. It would take some more time before Seungmin was willing to go back to his college dorm lifestyle days. He's already been avoiding the instant noodle aisle in convenience stores for the past year. 

In exchange for your generosity, he started doing most of the chores in the apartment—something you heavily thanked him for, because washing the dishes really wasn't your favorite pastime.

Due to this dynamic you both developed, a lot of your neighbors mistook you two as a couple. And no matter how many times you tried to correct the assumption, it just comes back stronger in the form of: "Oh, young love. You don't have to be shy about it! Both of you are adults now. Living together isn't that bad."

Except it is that bad. 

The main reason you decided to have Seungmin as a roommate was that you, too, were running late on rent for that month. Unlike him, who was on it for the second time in a row, though, you had lacked just one month at that point, so the landlord let you get away with it. 

Your job had to cut employees due to a financial crisis, and the pay was lowered by about one-fourth of the original. Luckily for you, your workplace considered you one of the best workers and decided to keep you among the remaining employees. Because of that, you didn't lose your job—only a pay cut.

Basically, that leaves you and Seungmin in the "struggling young adults" classification. Sharing an apartment was the best move you two could make in an effort to save your living standards.

On the other hand, if you asked Seungmin about the misunderstanding, he'd honestly say that it doesn't bother him as much as it did you.

Half a year into your roommate agenda, he found himself falling for you. The crush started not long after you first found out about his hobby of writing.

"So, you post stories online? That's so cool!" Was your genuine praise, looking at Seungmin's laptop screen with interest.

He, on the other hand, was developing cold sweat—a result of having you so close to him. You were currently hovering over his back, trying to get a peek at his draft document. 

"Yeah—I, uh, post stuff sometimes," Seungmin replied with a small voice, not used to people praising his hobby in person. "It's nothing too special. But I like the reactions of the readers."

You hum. "How do you plan stuff? I'm not really a writer kind of person, but I do enjoy reading. I want to take a glimpse at your writing process."

Seungmin tried his best to not swoon like a fool.

Someone interested in his work? As well as the process? What a way to make him fall for you.

"I normally just have these bursts of ideas. It can be lines, plots, concepts, character traits, all that stuff. When I do get them, I open my phone's recording app and just say my ideas for future use," Seungmin explains. "I know others write them down as notes, but personally, I prefer verbally describing them, even if it's messily done."

The way your eyes sparkled as he pointed out more stuff in his writing process had him whipped in an instant. It was from then on that Seungmin's adoration for you grew even more romantically.

Every day, he thanked the universe for placing you in his life. Out of the millions of heavenly bodies in the vast sky, you outshone every single one in his eyes. He was waist deep in a slowly sinking phenomenon he could only describe as love.

It's been about two more years since he deciphered his feelings for you. He'd never know how you'd managed to still be living with him—what he did know, though, was that it was a mutual decision. 

You both never talked about it up front, but it was obvious that the two of you were now in a better place financially. It would be reasonable to want to live separately again, but the bond you formed throughout the two and a half years of living together was something that could not be broken easily.

"... Min?" He hears your voice calling out. You must be home already.

After stretching once again, he headed towards his door to greet you. Your eyes quickly caught his, the sight making you smile. This reaction was what kept Seungmin going every day.

"Were you asleep? Did I wake you up?" You asked, setting down the plastic bag you were carrying on top of the kitchen table. He shakes his head as a no. "Oh, that’s good. Your light was turned off, so I just assumed."

Seungmin laughs at you while he approaches the plastic bag. Once he got a closer look, he realized it contained takeout food. He looked at you in question. You merely motioned towards it. "Did you eat already? I brought you take-out just in case. Just place it in the fridge if you’re not hungry yet."

The action has him grinning unconsciously. It was one of your love languages to do acts of service, and knowing that, he felt extremely loved.

Taking out the food, he started unwrapping it while watching you take off your shoes on the sofa. It was endearing to see you relax and become more comfortable once inside your shared apartment. He felt special knowing that he was one of the only people to see you in your natural form.

Sadly, his joy-filled illusion was destroyed right away when he noticed the outfit you were currently still wearing—a devastating reminder of what had just gone on with your night.

"How was the date?"

You beamed at his question. At least you’re happy, he thought bitterly. 

"It was great, Min! He was such a gentleman the whole time, I was practically swooning. His name is Felix, by the way. Just in case I end up introducing you two. You have an Australian co-worker, right? Chris, was it? He’s Australian too—do you think they know each other?" You chatted enthusiastically.

How fun. He could already tell that this Felix guy was a topic that would stay for a while.

The conversation hurt him, but Seungmin decides to entertain you nonetheless. "Maybe. I can ask tomorrow or something." You give him a thumbs up.

"Cool! I'll go and change out of this now. Good night, Min!" He waves back at you, watching your form disappear behind your room's door. When he finally heard a click, his arm dropped immediately.

It wasn't the first time you've gone on a date with someone else before. But it was the first time you went home approving of one—a very big deal, because this means whoever this Felix is, he's definitely getting a second date from you.

Seungmin was envious of the guy. He doubts he'll ever be on the receiving end of your dates. Something he knows and has tried before, albeit more indirectly. The result was soul-crushing, though.

Bzzt, bzzt.

His phone vibrated for a while, indicating an important notification. Considering he had all other notifications off except for messages, it must have been a text. He lazily picks it up, glancing at the message.

Y/N 🤍: i hope you liked the food i got you btw Y/N 🤍: love you bro 🤪👊

He simply smiles at his phone, even through the tears that have piled up in his eyes. As much as Seungmin hated being seen as a brother to you, he'd rather have that than nothing. 

Yes, you saw him in a more familial light. It completely broke him for a while when he first confirmed it, but there was nothing he could do. Seungmin wasn't about to force you to like him romantically. 

No, he would rather leave the shared apartment than ever hurt you on purpose. Both were thoughts he despised to the bone. 

Exhaling shakily, he opens up the voice recording app and presses start.

"I know there’s a universe out there where we'll end up together. It’s just not this one."

mastertag 🏷️ : @h0neydewmoon

[starseungs]

OH YEAH DEFENITELY 😭😭 this fic hurts like a btch and i actually teared up during some parts,, writing it in first person pov made it feel a lot more personal 💔 glad it made you feel something rin luvie

➳ words i want to say. hhj

pairing: hwang hyunjin x gn!reader (ft. han jisung)

in which hyunjin decides to tell you the words he wants to say through voice messages. // wc: 2.1k

genre/s: angst, there's fluff in there if u squint (how the tables have turned), best friend / childhood friend hyunjin, unrequited love

warning/s: some swears but not excessive, hyunjin had a bad headspace for a while, fights (remembering), mentions of somewhat obsessive behavior

note: this is just something i've been wanting to write for a while! the vm concept was inspired by The Recovery Files Series by @thepixelelf, so go check out that one too^^

⌦ Voice 001

Hmm...

Should I just write it? Ah… what am I doing? This is so awkward— it’s okay! It's all good. I can do this!

Well… maybe not. But I have to anyway. Why did I decide to record it first again? Stupid. The assignment is written. 

…

Hyunjin— just record what you want to say so you can rewrite it easier later.

Test, test… God, I'm getting cold sweat from this. Why am I so nervous?

So… okay. Psychology 325, Project— what? Did I just blank out from that? Ah, whatever.

Let’s just start over.

...

⌦ Voice 002

Psychology 325, Project “Words I Want To Say”. Entry by Hwang Hyunjin.

… Okay that’s funny. I didn’t need to say that. I’m just gonna rewrite this on a document file anyways.

But words I want to say… to whom? Damn it— I forgot to pick one. Just use whatever comes to mind.

…

Should I talk about Y/N?

This— this won’t be sent out right? The worst that could actually happen is just Professor Lee reading about it.

Yeah, that’ll do. Let me start over—

⌦ Voice 003

Hi, Y/N. This is Hyunjin. I know I’m not actually talking to you right now, or will you ever read this— well, unless my psych professor betrays me and forwards the final paper to you. Hopefully not.

… Do I include that in the final version? Nevermind, leave that to future me.

As I was saying, what I’m doing right now is for a psych class assignment. Professor Lee said to write a letter full of words we want to say. He didn’t exactly elaborate about what or whom, but I think that’s the point. You were the first thing that I thought of, so here are the things I want to say to you.

…

And there’s a lot more than you think—

⌦ Voice 004

Sorry about that. I was holding my phone and I guess the nerves got to me. I know you know I dropped it. You always did say I dropped things often.

And you were right. The other guys never pointed it out though. Maybe they haven’t noticed like you do… I guess that’s what made us best friends.

…

Best friends, huh. 

Is— is that all in the past now? Cause I still can't believe it…

… It was only like yesterday that we were still heading out to get something to eat whenever all our classes ended for the day. How many years was that our routine? From what I remember, we started it in 4th grade. 

Wow… 4th grade. Time flies so fast, huh? We used to be so small— and now we’re in college. Do you remember back when we first entered high school? You cried right after we got home because you didn’t want to grow up yet. But look at you now…

I’m proud of you.

Did I tell you that? I don’t think I ever did. And I regret that so much. More than you will ever know— more than you'll never know.

…

Y/N, what happened to us?

...

⌦ Voice 005

Ah… I got too emotional. I think I get why we had to do this now or maybe it’s just me. How could I not feel anything?

… After all, it’s you.

You know, there was never a time in my life where I imagined myself to be without you. From the moment I was born, you were already right there beside me. I always used to think that just like our moms, we’d be by each other's sides until we grew old.

And, well, looking at our current situation, it didn’t quite work out like I wanted after all.

…

I hate it. So much. How I’m even getting through the days— I don’t know myself.

It’s torture for me, Y/N. I miss you so much, and I can’t believe it’s my fault.

… Are you feeling the same way?

Tch. Probably not. You have that stupid boyfriend of yours. What? I know I’m right. You’re probably out there having a cute little date with— what’s his name? Han Ji whatever. 

That’s what I always heard from you anyways. Ji this, Ji that. He’s not even my friend, and yet I hear his nickname more than I hear mine. Do you even remember it? You used to call me Hyune by the way. Just reminding you. 

Now it’s just Hyunjin.

…

I’m sorry. I know this is so unfair to Ji whatever. He never did anything to me, and yet all I do is blame him for everything.

I don’t even know why—

⌦ Voice 006

For fucks sake, why do I keep getting cut off? My phone battery died. I didn’t even notice because I was so focused on this recording thing. 

…

But, I guess it was a good thing for it to die on me at that moment. I was starting to not think straight again. The last time that happened, we— yeah. This short break gave me some time to think about what I really wanted to say while waiting for my phone to have enough battery.

In the last message, I was going to say that I didn’t know why I was blaming Jisung so much— right, I remembered his name now. Could you at least be proud of me for this?

… Thank you. I can’t hear you right now, but I know you’d acknowledge my efforts. Those years of us being friends aren’t for nothing to me, you know? I think I can say that I know you well enough. You’re the same for me.

Actually— I think you might know me better than I do myself. And while I know other people would find that annoying, the thought was quite comforting to me. That someone cared enough for me to know me more than I did. 

Yeah. That.

You were my comfort, Y/N. 

Always there for me, even in times where you really didn’t need to. Of course— I did that for you as well. Anything and anytime you want me to. I’d do it if it was for you. To me, you were my other half. And I loved it.

I loved you.

…

That was why I blamed Jisung for breaking us apart. 

He— he was never in the future I created for ourselves. And I know that’s where it went all wrong. I really should’ve…considered chances of us having significant others. But I didn’t— no.

I refused to.

Just the mere thought horrified me beyond belief. I wanted us to be… well, only us. I was selfish. An absolute fool. A madman in love.

I had my own wonderland inside of my head. And I kept the thought of you as a prisoner.

It was ridiculous Y/N. I can’t even believe I did that.

…

But I’ve changed. And still changing. Truthfully, I’m not saying that for you to come back to me. I’m saying this for myself. Hwang Hyunjin has thought of his actions and its consequences, and is now working on changing himself for the better. 

I— I don’t care if you don’t believe me because I’m not pleading with you to. I’m not even gonna ask for your forgiveness, because I know it’s not my right to tell you how to feel.

But I want to at least explain. For me, and for your peace of mind.

...

⌦ Voice 007

Should I start from when I realized I liked you? Yeah, then I’ll just progress from there.

Hmm…I think it was middle school. 2nd Year. It was that day when you were rejected by the first crush you ever confessed to. I remember how sad you were and had the instant thought to beat up that person. I never did it by the way, in case you’re worried. I may have jammed his locker a bit, but that’s about it. You wouldn’t want me in trouble. 

Going back to that event, I honestly thought I was thinking about it from a brotherly light. It didn’t last long though— cause I also told myself that I could be a much better boyfriend to you. Brotherly light my ass, what kind of brother wants to date their sibling?

… You know what, don’t answer that. At all.

Anyways— that was when I realized I did like you in that way. As to when I exactly started liking you…I don’t know. Maybe it was just something that developed over the years. 

By now I think you’re wondering why I never confessed to you, am I right?

Uh… It’s quite an underwhelming answer actually. As cliche as it is, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I did want to try, but it was so obvious you didn’t see me in that light—

Oh God, now my previous actions just sound silly now. How did that not stop me from making some kind of imaginary world? Maybe I do need help. Changbin’s good at giving advice, maybe I can talk to him.

You do know Changbin right? He’s friends with Jisung as well. It’s funny how we have multiple mutual friends but we’ve barely interacted. I guess that’s just how the world works sometimes.

…

Speaking of Jisung— it’s time to talk about that isn’t it?

That night.

… I’ll tell you my point of view. And— I hope it can give you clarity.

I remember you coming over to my apartment after your last class. Normally, we would be getting food by then, but I had a massive headache that morning and decided to skip everything I had that day. Granted, my headache was already long gone by the time you arrived… So that really doesn’t excuse what I did next.

I was so glad to see you. After being sick, all I wanted was to be with you. To talk to you about your day…

Yet, all I heard was about Jisung.

And maybe it was valid. He was your day, the current sun in your life. If I could love you, why couldn’t you be in love with him too?

That’s what I think of now. Back then— not so much.

Jisung was definitely a sun. For you, it was positive. He lit up your days, and became the light you had in dark times. But for me… it was nothing short of negative. 

He was a source of light I had to constantly fight over. A burning sensation that left me to suffer with the pain.

If he was the sun, I was the moon.

So close, yet still the one being pushed aside.

Hearing about him made me so mad. Each mention of him clawed at my heart and released my deepest insecurities. And that’s why I ended up yelling at you that night.

…

I just wanted it to stop hurting.

That, maybe if I did that, you’d finally see me too. Maybe you’d see how much pain I was in before I realized it myself, just like before.

But instead— I ended up hurting you.

I said too many unnecessary things. Words that were formed from my hatred and boiled from the heat of the moment. And at some point, I ended up hating you too.

Hating you was never an option I considered. You were an angel to me. And I was that human you liked enough to be blessed by your presence.

Now, I’ve come to the realization that you were human too. Just like me. That I was once again putting you on a pedestal for myself.

Who knows, maybe my love for you isn’t even love— though that might just completely break me for good.

…

I don’t hate you. I know that’s the last thing I told you before we stopped all contact, but I don’t.

At that moment, I guess part of me did resent you for hurting me. But it wasn’t just your fault. I also fanned the flame that would roast me alive on my own accord.

That’s why I’m so sorry for putting all the blame on you. I now understand the barrier you put between us. I'm the best friend, but he's your significant other. That being said, I'm sorry for all I’ve said about Jisung too. 

As much as I hate to admit it, he’s a great guy from what I’ve heard.

…

That’s all I have to say, really. I do feel a lot lighter now having done this. I know— hmm. I was planning to not send this to you at all, but maybe I will now.

You deserve closure as well.

…

I hope you live your life to the fullest. I’ll try to do that now too. Maybe one day our paths will cross again. By then, let’s be better versions of ourselves, yeah?

Thank you, Y/N.

For everything.

These are the words I want to say to you.

...

This voice message has ended.

[starseungs]

i see this as a win 🤧💓 glad you liked the read!!

➳ 11:11pm. hhj

hwang hyunjin x gn!reader

light(?) angst, bestfriend!hyunjin, unrequited love — 0.7k words

made this just to post smth while i finish my wips </3

ⓒ written by starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

"Why is everyone in love except for me?"

Hyunjin passionately complains, turning off his phone to toss it to the side after finally getting tired of seeing countless happy couples on his feed. "It's almost insulting to be left out like this."

You side-eyed him without much care to hide the somewhat disrespectful action. It was on purpose anyway—you wanted him to see it to prove your point. "Maybe if you lessened your expectations for every relationship then you wouldn't be whining pathetically on my apartment couch."

"And lower my standards? No way," he gasped in an exaggerated manner. You merely yawned, already having expected his response. "I have a very specific vision only my soulmate would be able to recreate!"

"Yeah, right. Your soulmate is probably grass, because you really need to touch some."

Hyunjin narrowed his eyes on you. The sharpened gaze barely affected you after having gotten used to it for years now. "You don't get to scold me like this, you're literally single too."

You couldn't help but scoff at the words you unfortunately managed to hear. Hyunjin wasn't entirely wrong—you were single too. But you believed there was a major difference between both your situations.

"Unlike you, though," you started, pausing for a split second at the sight of Hyunjin's attentive stare. It made you want to cry. "I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

"Come on, Y/N! Don't you want to see how other people would react?" He tried to sell it to you like some on-sale product. "You said it yourself; you're not looking for a relationship, then boom! Boyfriend!" Hyunjin looks up at you with a proud grin, to which you find yourself holding your breath too.

"Mysterious, right?"

You grit your teeth. From the day you first met him as a freshman in college up until this very moment, Hyunjin had barely changed. Of course, there were many aspects of him that had matured, as well as skill wise also improved—but the Hyunjin you knew never changed in your eyes. And you could say that neither did you. He was still the same one you befriended, the one you held oh-so-dearly, and the one you loved.

That fact only made you even more opposed to the idea that would just break what was left of your sense of rationality.

"You're actually insane, Hwang Hyunjin," you tried to keep your voice as composed as possible. He would likely never notice such a small change either way, but you're a lot more cautious about things. "That stuff is for fiction books. Nonexistent in real life."

He snorts at your comment. "Well, you'd be surprised. A lot more people do it than you thought."

"It's stupid."

Hyunjin hums, surprisingly acknowledging your stance. "I guess it's just normal for humans to crave love… and attention. Mostly for the attention," he lightly laughs at his own words—something you had to clench your fists quietly to as a silent reminder it could never be for you. "Still it's for fun, Y/N. We both don't have significant others or anyone courting us, so who'd get jealous?"

Yet despite everything you just did, you knew that it would end up in your loss. It always did.

"Damn it, fine."

Hyunjin's face lights up, making your heart flip and shatter upon landing because you knew you weren't doing it for the same reasons as him. Unfortunately, you've immediately come to regret your decision as Hyunjin slips his hand into yours without a word. You gasped at the unexpected feeling that had the butterflies in your stomach, circling in chaos. "Relax your hand," you heard him say, and for a second you forgot the situation you were in. "It looks awkward in the photo."

Oh. Right. You two were faking a soft launch.

It took you less than a second to release the tension from your hand. You knew it was merely you losing energy from the disappointment, but you would never admit it out loud. At least Hyunjin seemed satisfied, though.

"Should we put a caption?" He ponders, glancing at you for help. You bit your lip at what you were about to say.

"11:11, my wish came true."

Hyunjin raises a suspicious eyebrow. "That's… very corny—even for someone like you."

"It's not real anyway, might as well go all out," was your pitiful excuse, snatching the phone from him to quickly place the words.

And as you pressed the post button, all you could think of was how you hoped this was real. But 11:11 would never grant your wish like you wrote in the caption.

Not unless Hyunjin wished for you too.

mastertag 🔖— @tyuniiz @lhskokoro @bookishcalls @comet-falls

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