#urushibara luka. — ⋮⋮ ❝ lift your hearts and voices. ❞

[kongrisu]

missing some 0 characters, i’ll get them later 2 / 2

[bloomingednae]

A new chapter has appeared! Thanks for your patience, here’s chapter 5 for Trade Mistakes. ~

Chapter 5: Empty Space

“Would call, but I don’t, You could, but you won’t, ‘Cause it’s been too long now.” ~ ‘Touch’ - 3LAU feat. Carly Paige (song inspiration: x ) 

October 6, 2018

She never heard from him since that night.

After they had dropped off the drinks to Faris, the rest of the night was a blur; they both stayed throughout the rest of the party, but never interacted with each other for the remainder of the time. She could barely remember making it back to her hotel that night and falling asleep until she awoke in the late morning the next day. She rarely slept in, and she decided to blame jet lag than the event for her increased hours of sleep.

When she lay in bed the next morning on the 6th, she momentarily debated on contacting him, but remembering the events from the night before caused her to flush and automatically retract her phone back on to the nightstand next to her. It was too confusing, too uncertain, and most of all, too painful to bear.

She spent the weekend walking around the streets of Akihabara within the company of Mayuri, Luka, and Faris. An unlikely bunch she’d find herself with, but with Daru now with his own family, he hardly spent as much time in the lab unless someone else was there or he had free time to spare while in the area.

And it wasn’t like she was going to go to the lab any time soon, either. In previous years, she usually spent her free time there tinkering with what items they had and studying her own material, but from what she heard from Mayuri, Okabe used the space as his own personal research space when there wasn’t any get togethers. She concluded that she didn’t want to risk her presence there.

Mayuri. The sweet girl never asked Kurisu about what happened that night, but it was clear that she knew more things that met the eye; that Saturday on the 6th, she invited Kurisu to dinner with her, Faris, Luka, and the Hashida family. While it wasn’t intentional, she also mentioned Okabe for a moment when they all met up.

“Okarin is busy all weekend with a project, so he won’t be meeting us this time,” Mayuri said sweetly. She looked towards Kurisu, smiling.

“He works a lot, but maybe he can be with us again before you head out, yeah?”

Kurisu could remember herself slowly nodding and forcing a smile, still remembering the previous night’s events. Glancing at her phone quickly, she resisted the urge to sigh, noticing no new messages or notifications.

--

October 7, 2018

She found herself wandering by herself around the streets of Akihabara. While she could have taken the train to visit the other surrounding cities, something in her heart told her that the very location had memories that almost seemed unreachable. She remembered Maho’s words of mixing fantasy and reality, but she shook her head, following her intuition to figure out the source of her misplaced feelings.

As she walked around the city, she felt her head fuzzy from memories she couldn’t remember if they existed or not. One glance at Faris’ cafe had memories of them sitting by a window seat, discussing date ideas for Okabe; another vaguely came as she passed the gyu-don shop, discussing her want of her own personal fork (and embarrassingly admitting it).

She slowed to the train station and suddenly felt a wave of comforting nostalgia, mixed with unsettled fear. As she glanced at the surroundings, her intuition told her to travel up the stairs,  each step weighing down on her heart.

There wasn’t really much of a view; just an oversight of the street below and more crowds of individuals making their ways to separate locations within the busy city. On the landing, however, she paused, overlooking the railing and breathing in the familiar scent of a reality never known to her.

Yet another passing memory, much clearer than the others, of an image of him hunched over by the railing, in tears and clear defeat. He had poured out his words and feelings of a daunting task he couldn’t complete, torn emotions and brokenness reflecting his actions.

It was the first time she had ever seen him cry.

The only other thing that came to her mind was feeling embarrassed; she cringed as she realized that she had cheered him up in some way, though it was unclear as to what she did in order to do so. She only had a vague feeling as to what she did; she thought in passing that she should recreate what she did. Nervously, she looked around for any other onlookers, realizing how idiotic she may look, but the urge to recreate the unseen memory was something she felt she had the need to perform.

Swallowing her pride, she slowly lifted her arms up in his characteristic Kyouma pose; she didn’t dare laugh in public, but something tugged in her heart as she posed the silly gesture, immediately putting down her arms once she confirmed what felt right. She shook her head in embarrassment, not wanting to look around her.

At least she knew at one point, she had been there for one of his lowest points of his life.

She shook her head once more. Was she actually there, though, when it happened? Did it actually happen? There was a dangerous line she knew she was crossing, and she decided to save the argument of objectivity versus subjectivity for a time when she could actually set her thoughts down on paper, if she ever found the time.

She continued to venture a bit more; losing track of time and being within her thoughts, she suddenly found herself passing a shrine. The sound of footsteps nearby caught her attention as they slowed and stopped, turning towards her. For a moment, she felt her heart pause, until the sound of a calm and gentle voice was heard.

“Makise-san…?”

As she looked up, she realized Luka had stopped just right above the steps leading down to the shrine, a messenger bag strapped around his shoulder as he stared at her. He stared at her with a curious expression; Kurisu realized she hadn’t seen her own expression all day and managed to force a small smile.

“Ah, Urushibara-san...fancy meeting you here.”

He laughed a bit. “I would hope so,” he said. “This is my place of residence, after all.”

She nodded silently, hoping he wouldn’t catch on to her thoughts. He continued to gaze at her before smiling softly.

“I know you may be in a hurry, but...care to join me for tea, just for a little bit?”

----

The weather was remotely cooler today, she noticed, as she sat on one of the benches near the shrine. She sipped the tea that Luka had offered her and she nodded in thanks again to the younger boy, who just smiled in return.

There was a small silence between them as a gentle breeze filtered through the leaves above them, and for a moment, Kurisu felt a momentary peace in her heart. The past few days’ events have gone by in a blink of an eye, and yet, nothing was solved within her mind or heart.

“If you...don’t mind me asking...is there something on your mind right now?”

Luka’s soft voice broke through her thoughts and she stared back at his similar violet eyes which were round with genuine curiosity. Slight worry tinged them, and she wondered vaguely if he, or the other lab members for that matter, knew the strain on her current bond with Okabe. Whether they knew or not didn’t matter at this point, she concluded.

She took a deep breath before sighing slowly, staring at the sky.

“There’s just...a lot of confusing, painful, and relieving...emotions that I face with right now. That’s it, really.”

Luka turned his gaze away for a moment, a contemplative look on his face. He took a sip of his tea slowly and still remained in thought as he kept his gaze even to the scene in front of him.

“You brush it off as if it were nothing to worry about.”

Kurisu shrugged. “Since I don’t know where to begin, I guess I treat it as so.”

Luka frowned at this and he shook his head. “Even though your feelings are undefined right now, they’re still valid, no matter what they are. Small as it is, they still affect who you are every day.”

For a moment, Kurisu paused and stayed silent, taking in Luka’s words. He was right; though worded differently, she knew in every right that she was merely running away from the feelings that were eating her alive each day, and she came to realize that accepting it was the first step to the whole issue.

In her peripheral vision, she suddenly saw Luka waving his hands rapidly from left to right towards her, looking flustered.

“I-I’m sorry, that might have sounded too direct!”

Kurisu took a quick glance at Luka and she smiled a bit at him. The past few days have shown her how much the other members have grown, but to her, Luka developed into a fine individual, and a part of her couldn’t help but feel proud for the once-very timid boy. He was still shy to an extent, she noticed, but he knew when to speak up as able.

She laughed in return at his reaction, seeing him frown a bit with worry on his expression.

“You weren’t being direct; they were honest words I needed to hear from an honest friend,” she started, looking away. “What I feel is valid; I need to accept the fact that I am troubled right now, before going forward to figure out a solution.”

Luka relaxed a bit, lowering his hands on his lap, but still keeping his steady gaze on her. He pursed his lips a bit, looking hesitant before speaking.

“I…” he cleared his throat, speaking a little more bold. “I don’t know what it is that you’re going through right now, but if I may suggest…”

She looked at him and for a moment, she could see Luka pushing past his fears of speaking up as he spoke to her. It was impressive to see how much he kept trying and in her heart, she realized she could learn more lessons that one from him in that moment.

He exhaled a bit before continuing. “You’re...a straight-forward individual, and, well….I think with your personality, you should hit the source of everything directly instead of going around in circles, denying what it is that you know. From what I’ve seen in you, you’re smart and intelligent, and you know what it is that’s bothering you more than anything else.”

Luka looked down for a moment, catching his breath, and looking back at Kurisu once more.

“I may not know you as much as Mayuri-chan does, but...I understand you enough to know that you know what it is that you must do next, even if it is something that you don’t wish to acknowledge.”

He made eye contact with her once more before his eyes widened suddenly.

“Ah, I mean, I hope that all made sense….”

Kurisu sat, slightly stunned at Luka’s onpouring words. She never asked for comfort or advice during a time such as this, and yet somehow, the help of the lab members came to her when she needed it most. Deep down, she felt a warmth in her heart that fueled the undefined emotions from earlier and she smiled wholeheartedly back at Luka.

“It makes perfect sense. Thank you...really.”

Luka smiled in return, a flush setting on his cheeks as pure joy emitted from him in helping a fellow friend.

“Any time.”

--

The sun hadn’t nearly set yet by the time Kurisu made her way out of the shrine to continue wandering around the busy streets. The talk with Luka slightly alleviated the stress in her heart  she knew it was time to eventually make her way back to her hotel.

For some reason, however, her feet ended up guiding her to a nearby park; there were no children on it at this hour, and she decided to sit at the bottom of the slide to sort out her thoughts.

As she sat, though, she felt an intense emotion of something key, something missing, and she looked around in a rushed stance to find the source. Just when she felt at peace, yet another one of those feelings came about, and she evened out her breathing, realizing that she had to face what it is instead of running away, focusing on what she could at the moment.

The memories didn’t sporadically occur like magic; they came with intuition, almost in a deja vu-like state. They came in quick realizations with automatic knowing in what happened in the memory, until she caught herself realizing they weren’t true; at least, in her current world line.

So when she found herself calming down and thinking clearer, she realized the missing piece was built on a promise from words spoken in the middle of the night, the one time when her vulnerabilities lay open. She had told him about her father, and, being the leader he described himself as, he brought up the topic of visiting her father one day in Aomori.

In the present, she grunted to herself. What kind of person would take a three hour (if not more) train ride to a city he didn’t even know, just to help her amend things with her father?

She shook her head, disappointed. He would. And the problem was that she knew he would.

Her heart clenched at the possible memory of him, but also with the thought of her father; while he was completely away from Japan in general, she still couldn’t shake off the feeling of what had happened on their last encounter together.

She sighed; problems that have long closed in her life weren’t the reason for her visit to Japan and she got up, dusting the back of her pants. The sun was beginning to set and she realized she needed to get dinner some place before it became too dark.

It also became apparent to her that she had been walking for nearly a full day in her own thoughts and she felt her head nearly about to explode. Deciding to take a break from the unsettling thoughts, she made the trek back to her hotel, hoping to relax for a bit.

--

October 7, 2018 (Evening)

At least, she thought she would be able to relax.

After a simple dinner of cup noodles, she found herself laying back in her hotel bed, her mind still running at a speed she couldn’t comprehend. While the conversation she had with Luka earlier that afternoon was pleasant, she realized she still couldn’t figure out what it was that was bothering her.

She shook her head. That in itself was a lie. Luka even pointed out her own inner denials that she so often didn’t want others to see, but he was perceptive enough to pick up on her difficult personality.

A sudden vibration on her phone alerted her from her thoughts and she reached over to her nightstand to flip it open, frowning as she did so. It was a weekly newsletter from Viktor Chondria University, and the thought of work at the moment was something unwanted in her chaotic mind, for the first time in a very long time.

She vaguely wondered how Maho was doing and debated on messaging her; as she opened her inbox to start a text, she suddenly stopped, sighing as she did so. Messaging Maho was the last thing she knew she should do; the older woman would probably tell her to do the same as what Luka previous suggested and talk to the source of her problems.

Kurisu flipped through her inbox messages aimlessly before stumbling across an unopened message from Moeka. She tilted her head in curiosity wondering what it was, before she flushed red at the realization of what it was.

The flashback of the sleepover filled her mind, and how, out of all the members in the group, Moeka was one of the first individuals to figure out her situation. It was both surprising and expected, and she groaned, remembering how she let her emotions slip for that moment.

Her finger hovered over the message, wondering if she should open it. She suddenly shook her head, realizing how childish she was and decided to open it, shrugging off any other doubt she had left.

She wasn’t prepared for the sound of her heart to beat excruciatingly loud as she stared at the attachment.

There it was again, the same picturesque side profile of Okabe with earbuds on, staring at his phone as he sat in what appeared to be one of the city trains. The shot was taken from chest height up to the top of his head, which made the photo focus more so on his expressions rather than his physical posture. Moeka’s photography skills were with great precision; his sharp jawline was taken at a perfect angle, the lighting was not too overbearing, and it highlighted the piercing, golden eyes that so often entranced her in a confusing naturality.

The attached photo had a message to go along with it as Kurisu scrolled down to read the straight-to-the-point message:

Hi!! I hope this isn’t too weird that I send you this, but it looks like you would enjoy it more than I would! ( : I took this picture around the time you two were working on something about 2 years ago while you guys were on a video chat, and this was a practice shot because the lighting was GREAT on the train back. Hope you enjoy it! < 33

P.S.: This is the happiest I’ve ever seen Okabe-kun. Maybe he needs your company more? >.<

Kurisu shook her head at the uncharacteristic text that Moeka sent, the stark contrast between her text to her physical presentation always present. However, what puzzled her more was how keen Moeka was; it shouldn’t be surprising, she lightly wondered to herself, seeing how the older woman was typically more observant than the rest of the group. She concluded that it left her a little unsettled, most especially the last line of the message.

Maybe he needs your company more?

She shut her phone and rested her arm across her forehead, sighing loudly. The silence was unbearable in the room and even more so between them, she realized. The aching in her chest only increased after her walk through Akihabara earlier that day and she frowned, knowing what she had to do.

She sat up at the bedside and opened her phone to scroll through her contacts, hesitating as she did so. When she finally stopped at his name, she opened a new text message to send to him.

Kurisu momentarily closed her eyes before opening them again, typing out the words she knew that they both needed to hear.

--

“This doesn’t...make any sense.”

Okabe mumbled to himself as he continued to read yet another article, attempting to write down notes from the source. He rubbed his eyes a bit before sighing in slight frustration as he realized he couldn’t take in anymore information, leaning back into the computer desk chair as he did so.

He heard a chuckled behind him and as he turned to face Professor Izaki, he frowned in response. Professor Izaki shook his head as he handed another paper on to Okabe’s desk.

“You’ve been at this for hours, and you’ve skipped your dinner break already,” the older professor started. “Don’t you think it’s time you’ve gone home? It’s a Sunday, you know, and you still have more work tomorrow.”

Okabe glanced at him briefly before shaking his head. “With all due respect, I actually really like the work…”

The professor smiled a bit, before concern wore on his expression. “And that’s what I appreciate and respect of you, but, if you don’t take care of your health, we might just lose one of our greatest researchers.”

Okabe shook his head. “I thank you for your concern, but...I’ll be okay.”

Okabe glanced briefly outside towards windows that showed darkening skies. It’s better than thinking of other things.

His mind quickly flashed scenes of that night, and he shook his head as quick as he could, pushing out the memory. He turned his attention to the professor again, who looked back at him with concern. Crossing his arms, the professor nodded towards Okabe.

“I’m going to assign you a temporary vacation.”

Okabe almost choked and he cleared his throat before looking back at him. “E-excuse me-?”

“You heard me,” the professor said, slightly smiling. “I know it’s a bit sudden, but I really think you need some time off. I can tell there’s a lot on your mind lately, so I think it’ll do you and your work some good if you can take some time off.”

Okabe shook his head, opening his mouth to protest, before Professor Izaki raised his hand up in protest. “No excuses, okay? Can you take a two week vacation starting the 15th?”

Okabe blinked his eyes at how quickly the conversation had developed in a matter of a few minutes; he swallowed, realizing that there was no negotiation allowed, and, wanting to be respectful of his senior, he sighed in defeat as he slowly nodded.

The professor smiled in return and patted Okabe’s shoulder. “I know it’s not what you want to do, but you honestly haven’t taken any days off since you started working here and we just want to think the best for you.”

Okabe nodded. “I understand.”

The professor nodded in return, straightening up as he did so. “Two weeks is a long time, and I bet you can fill it with going some place, or staying in the area…”

Okabe really hadn’t planned on going anywhere; in his mind, this conversation had changed his month schedule in a matter of minutes, but as soon as the professor mentioned about taking a trip someplace else, Okabe’s mind suddenly focused on a past memory from long ago.

“I’ll go anywhere you want - anywhere in Japan.”

“Aomori...that’s where he lives now.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, almost laughing to himself. Times have changed in eight years and there was no longer a valid reason for going anymore, but…

“Aomori.”

Okabe found himself saying the city aloud before shutting his mouth suddenly, feeling slight embarrassment as he looked up towards the professor. He looked down at Okabe with slight question in his eyes before shrugging.

“Aomori…? Well, if you have family business there, I don’t blame you; just be sure to relax, okay?”

With that, the professor continued his way down as he walked away from Okabe. Okabe shook his head again and rubbed his eyes, realizing that the professor was probably right; he needed a break.

As soon as he thought about relaxing, his phone suddenly vibrated, indicating an incoming text message. He eyed it curiously, vaguely wondering if it was Mayuri asking him to pick up something on his way back home.

His stomach dropped, however, as he opened his phone and read the dreadful message, knowing that this, too, would happen one day.

Incoming Message (19:17) From: Assistant

We need to talk. - Kurisu