#urlocalsupermarket

[urlocalsupermarketofendocrinosis]

vent pist

sorry

oooooooygh

ughhhh

i’m having a really bad dysphoria day and i just am looking at local informed consent clinics again and if i could start this when i’m still on my parents insurance it would make this easier and i could even do it thru where my dad works potentially and i just want to be able to

i literally feel this ache to come out to my parents as a transgender non-binary and i fucking can’t cause i know that that will make them not understand and think that they need to isolate me from everything i love or worse try to change my mind and break me down until i can’t even trust them again we have been here before and i can’t go back to them being so goddamn suspicious of me

i hate it hwre

i just know that i’m privileged in my situation i am in no real danger i am financially well off and i am white and american so i have no fucking right to complain but when my parents have the power to support me and i know that they wont

it just feels like ahit

i really really can’t imagine how i’m goin to do all of this because unless ur jeff bezos kid u can’t support urself in this economy and if i cut them off or worse turn them back on thinking i’m just doing something for attention again i won’t be able to stay civil enough to have any fallback with them for when i inevitably burn my life to the ground

i’m so goddamn tired

i’m just almost an adult sooner than i was supposed to be and every day it really feels like i’ll never get to introduce my parents to me or be called my own fucking name around the house but i’m the same person they raised just happier in themself

can’t i just

do that

i really really wanted a shitty haircut this summer and even that wasn’t allowed cause they decided it was ugly and so i couldn’t get it, how are they going to respond if i ask to start hrt? they aren’t responding well but i want to ask

to bite the bullet

to show them i’m aching for this

i rarely bind this summer cause when i go out it’s a long ass bike ride and other than that i rot into my stuffed animals alone

am i lying to myself? but for what. extra suffering?

no i just really wish i could feel less like shit on this