#urGRGHGH 10 years of slow burn

[reiketsui]

"LISTEN" >:)

the entire trip back from goldenrod is silent between them. well, not entirely silent – both of them easily slip into the business casual talk when meeting up with the client on board the magnet train. words spoken in a tone completely different to the one they used with each other, both of them knowing exactly how to treat a business partner of this caliber in order to keep up a productive streak between rocket and his company.

yet the words exchanged on the roof of that building repeat themselves in his mind to a point of madness. he is unsure what had prompted him to speak up – as he's equally unsure what pushed him towards the first proper kiss in the hotel room all those years back, when death was looming closer than ever before.

the cruel irony of two solitary beasts wrapping their bodies together in a moment of yearning passion, the beacon light of the radio tower flooding the room in maroon hues. archer never forgot a single second of that night, despite of his mind having shut out the majority of events of the era.

how could he forget?

he'd kept the leash firmly wrapped around proton's neck up until that, until the very night before what could've been their last day alive. they'd sworn to lit goldenrod ablaze were they to fail, if their message wouldn't reach their leader or he chose not to return – they wouldn't go out with a whimper.

in that moment, archer had thought about detaching the collar and telling him to run and save himself from the certain death he was leading them towards – despite of knowing that proton would have never listened to a command like that. just like all those times he had driven the man away in a fit of unstable rage, only for him to return to linger near the door of his office. it was only archer's own, selfish desire in the moment. i meant to spare you from this.

the door closes behind them as they enter the dark apartment, an exhale getting firmly stuck into his throat as he's pinned against the wall. he holds his breath for a split second, the arms draping around him telling how this is a continuation of their previous conversation cut short. archer has no intentions to push it too far – it's already a heavy mental toll, for both of them. they made a promise not to talk about it for a reason. everything between them is left behind closed doors, both physical and mental ones.

his arms make their way around proton to tug him in closer, close enough to keep their eyes from meeting – it's almost too much to bear as it is. there, surrounded by the dark, quiet apartment with the saffron city neon lights shining through the large panoramic window, archer feels more vulnerable than ever before.

" for whatever it is worth, i don't think you're a coward, " the words are quiet, enough so to mask away the fleeting emotion. " i thought about running away too. can you imagine– " he shakes his head, giving an almost pained chuckle. it's a horrid, shameful confession for him – the man whose reputation was built on being the shining beacon of loyalty. but he, too, had had his moments of doubt after they were abandoned without a word. the thoughts questioning whether all of their pain was worth it.

" –but i wanted to spare you more than i wanted to spare myself. in that moment, i would have been– content with an outcome like that, " his words remain firm despite of everything, the hesitation only lifting its head moments before the last sentence leaves his lips. " you held me above the surface through everything leading to that night. " / @chounaifu / pin my muse.