#ur so dear to me.. i hate being an adult we should be able to talk every day

[itsjaywalkers]

hi laurie i miss you and wanted to say ilysm, that’s all<33

KAY :(( I MISS U SM TOO :(( i’ve been trying to find a moment to listen to ur voice notes but i’ve had work every day this week except thursday (and i was out most of it bc of my date) BUT I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE i’m not closing today (thank god) so you’ll be hearing from me in a few hours i sWEAR. also ilysm more <333

[kkodzvken]

take the dive - sugawara koushi x milf!reader

tags/warnings: smut, 18+ ONLY! slight dubcon, infidelity, post timeskip (suga teaches reader’s kids). overstimulation and slight dumbification, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, semi-public (in an empty classroom)

a/n: this is my piece for @ultimate-astridwriting’s milf fuckers collab, which you can find here!! thank you for hosting this astrid, and thank u to everyone in the server for ur love and support as i worked on this <33. title cred: take the dive by jonghyun

wc: 3.9k

Amidst a faculty full of stuffy old dinosaurs and suits, Sugawara Koushi is a breath of fresh air. He’s a welcome distraction, a pretty face to focus on at dull PTA meetings and assemblies. And you knew that you weren’t the only one making heart eyes at him. Everywhere that he went, heads turned, and moms whispered. At the bus stop, on the sidelines of sports matches, in the waiting rooms outside dance classes.

It was just that, though -- just whispers. Little knowing glances and nudged shoulders, dreamy sighs and brief sinful indulgences. Nothing more than a brief escape from the monotony of your everyday lives. You’d lose yourselves in the fantasy for a few seconds, and then pull your heads down from the clouds and plant your feet on solid ground. You enjoyed your gossip with the other moms, and then you returned home, to your husband and children. To your family.

You love them, of course. Your children are your world, and your husband is a good man. He’s a good man, and that’s what made it so hard. He treats you well, keeps his words soft and never once put his hands on you. 

He may be good, but, God, was he boring. You can’t remember the last time that he’d even kissed you, let alone fucked you. He came home later and later each night, too tired from work to do anything but silently scarf down his dinner and plant himself on the couch in front of the television. He dragged himself into bed hours after you did. He tried to be quiet, he really did, but he woke you up every single night with his stomping and shuffling. When you snuggled closer to him, he pushed you off. My back hurts too bad, he’d say, voice tinged with regret. Remind me to book another appointment with the chiropractor. 

It was always some excuse or another. 

So, really, you couldn’t blame yourself for your wandering eye. You weren’t going to act on it, of course -- you weren’t a cheater -- but the young teacher was something to occupy yourself with. A pretty face to fill your thoughts as you wrangled your horde of screaming kids from swim lessons to dance practice to art classes. A pretty, pretty body to imagine as you fucked yourself with your fingers, teeth sinking into your bottom lip to muffle your moans. You couldn’t help but imagine that it was him, lithe body leaning over yours. No complaints of aching backs and sore muscles, none of the complications that came with age. 

You’d leave your husband catatonic on the couch, put the kids to sleep, and then go dream of their hot teacher. You should’ve been more ashamed, but there was a part of you that loved the thrill of it. You flushed whenever you saw Mr. Sugawara the next morning, memories of your illicit thoughts filling your mind, but it also made your body feel electric. 

Of course there was a part of you that longed to throw caution to the wind and jump the young man, but your conscience was much stronger than your weak, lustful thoughts. You were happy with the way things were now. As dull as your husband was, and as insufferable as the children could sometimes be, you were happy. 

This was all you had ever wanted. A house in the suburbs, a husband with a well-paying job, three kids and a dog. You’re living the fucking dream. You’re happy, you tell yourself.

So why the fuck are you so unsatisfied?

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

With a deep breath, you stare down the heavy glass doors at the school’s entrance. You want nothing more than to find the idiot architect who designed this building, and strangle him for installing pull doors. Your arms are already sore from carrying the giant tray of brownies from your car to the front of the school, and you worry that if you put the treats down to open the door, you wouldn’t be able to lift them up again. A quick glance at your watch tells you that you have two minutes left to reach the gym where the bake sale is being held. The PTA president is notorious for hating latecomers, and you weren’t in the mood to get your head bit off.

You’re debating doing some gymnastics and using your foot to grab the handle, when you notice footsteps approaching from behind you. You open your mouth to ask for help, but they beat you to it. “Let me get the door,” says their syrupy, melodic voice.

Their familiar voice.

Your body practically freezes as a strong arm reaches over your shoulder. Long fingers – fingers that you’ve fantasized about too many times to count – twist the handle and push it open easily. You don’t know how you didn’t notice him approaching sooner, but now that he’s here, your senses are in overdrive. The sweet scent of his cologne, the sound of his breath, the warmth of his body – it’s all too much, and it makes your knees feel weak.

“Mr. Sugawara,” you say, voice coming out much breathier than you intended. This must be some kind of Pavlovian response from all your fantasizing, because there is no reason for your stomach to be twisting right now. “Thank you.”

He grins sheepishly and steps away, and you hate the way that your body screams at you to lean into him. “It’s no problem. Is that for the bake sale? Here, let me carry it for you.”

You try to protest, but there’s really no point. His long fingers are already pushing yours to the sides, and you swear you’ve been electrified as he pulls the tray out of your hands. It’s a shame, really, that he’s wearing a button-down. The sleeves are rolled up to his forearms, at least, but you would’ve loved to see his biceps flex as he carried that tray…

What am I doing? You dig your nails into your palm to snap yourself out of your thoughts, but it’s hard to stay lucid when he’s so beautiful. He carries the brownies with ease, using just one arm to support their weight as the other holds the door open for you. It should make you upset, that you’re so weak in comparison to him, but the thought just makes you feel even more breathless. He’s so strong, so young, and so unlike your husband.

“Thank you,” you say again as he steps into the building behind you. You reach for the tray, but he waves you off.

“Nonsense. I’ll walk you to the gym.”

“Oh, really, you don’t have to—”

“I insist. Anything for my favorite mom.”

His…favorite? His words leave you too stupefied to protest any further, and he takes your silence as compliance. Your body automatically follows in his footsteps as he paces down the hallways.

He looks over at you and smiles comfortingly. It lights up his entire face, but does little to ease your turbulent thoughts.

Your mind is still fixated on his words as you step onto the squeaky wood flooring of the gymnasium. Sugawara calmly walks over to the PTA president, who looks like she’s about to rip her hair out. She’s surrounded by a gaggle of other moms, all jabbering away with concern painted across their faces.

“Is something wrong, ladies?” he asks. His voice snaps them all out of their conversation, and their eyes widen as they take him in.

“Yes,” says the PTA president scornfully. “We were supposed to have the brownies here already! The sale starts in ten minutes, and if this keeps up, I won’t have enough time to inventory everything and make it presentable, and –”

“I have the brownies,” you cut in, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

She blanches, and looks from you to the tray in Sugawara’s arms. An oh is all she can muster before grabbing the brownies and rushing off.

“Is everything okay?” one of the other moms asks, her voice laced with fake sweetness. “Oh, and you look so tired, dear. If you couldn’t manage your part, you should’ve just said so!”

“It would’ve been no trouble,” another woman says. “I’d have had no trouble whipping up a tray for you! Everyone always does love my baking.”

You grit your teeth and resist the urge to snap at them. It’s always like this – the other moms seem so in tune with their lives of domestic bliss, playing games of politics and constantly competing to be the best. Try as you might, you just can’t satisfy yourself with a life like theirs.

The material of Sugawara’s shirt brushes against you, and you start. He doesn’t pull away as you flinch, instead gently resting his hand on the small of your back. “Sorry to interrupt, but can I steal her away? Mrs. (L/N), I have your son’s science fair project sitting in my classroom. He keeps forgetting to bring it home. Would you like to go collect it now?”

You nod, relieved at the excuse to escape these women and their sickening artificial sweetness. Sugawara gently guides you with the hand on your back. You can’t help but internally smirk at the thinly-veiled jealousy on the faces of the other mothers.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.  

“This is why you’re my favorite,” Sugawara says, once you’re safely out of earshot. “All these PTA moms are so fake. But you’re not like that, are you?”

You nod, still a bit convinced that this is all a dream. He doesn’t remove his hand from your back as you walk down the hallways, and only pulls away when you reach the door to his classroom. He fishes through his pocket and pulls out a ring of keys, before insert one into the knob and pushing the door open. He gestures for you to enter first, and so you do, blinking at the harsh sudden brightness of the automatic lights.

You awkwardly glance around the room. You’ve been here plenty of times before, but that was all during the daytime, when it was packed full of energetic children. It feels…strange, to be alone in a classroom as an adult. Or, well, alone, except for the stupidly attractive teacher that you’ve been lusting over.

“Where’s the project?” you ask, trying to diffuse some of the tension building in your stomach. “I should head home soon.”

Sugawara leans his back against the door and cocks his head. “You know, I know what you say about me.”

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb.” His eyes rove across your body, lingering on your chest for far longer than they should. “I’m not deaf, you know. I hear all the things you say about me. You’re just like all the other moms.” He pushes off the door, stalking closer to you. You instinctively take a step back. “Only difference is, you might actually have the guts to do something about it.”

Your heart thuds in your chest, so hard that you think your ribs might bruise. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. Sugawara. I-”

You take another step back, and another, and suddenly your back collides with concrete. Your body jolts, and you yelp at the sudden pain.

Sugawara leans closer. One of his hands braces against the board behind your head, and the other one comes up to cradle your face. His long fingers hook under your chin and press, forcing you to tilt your head up and meet his gaze. His thumb brushes against your lip, and you can’t deny how the sensation makes your body feel like jelly.

Every rational thought in your mind is screaming at you to run, to leave, to get away from him and go back to your husband, but God, it’s been so long since you’ve felt like this. It’s been so long since someone’s made your heart race and your breaths quicken, since someone’s made you blush like a schoolgirl over a simple touch.

“What was that you said?” he asks, his voice dripping with honey. “You don’t know what I’m talking about?”

You swallow and bite the inside of your cheek. The pain does nothing to clear the fog inside your mind. “I-I don’t, I-”

“You do,” he interrupts, his thumb still toying with your lip. “You’re so fucking obvious. I bet you’re wet already, aren’t you?”

“Mr. Sugawara!” His lewd words make you gasp, but more than anything, you hate the fact that he’s right. Your body has a mind of its own, and it wants nothing more than to wrap your lips around his thumb and pull him closer. It wants to feel his arms wrapped around you, feel his body towering over you.

But you can’t. As much as you want to, you can’t, because you have a husband at home who’s waiting for you. Sure, he isn’t home right now, because he’s putting in extra hours at the office. And sure, he hasn’t touched you or made you feel desired in weeks. Hell, you haven’t had a genuine conversation in weeks. But he’s still your husband! You try and remind yourself of that. You roll the thought around in your head, hoping that it’ll push your thoughts of Sugawara away.

But the young teacher is persistent, and there’s a glimmer in his eye that makes your chest tighten. “Call me Koushi, princess.”

“Don’t call me princess –”

“What, you’re going to pretend that it didn’t make you wetter? Going to pretend that you aren’t clenching your thighs together right now?” He leans in even closer, so that his breath brushes against your ear as he whispers. “Your body doesn’t lie, baby.”

A whine slips past your lips at his words, and then you gasp, mortified with yourself. But the grin that covers his face makes your transgression worth it, because God, he’s handsome. His hand squeezes your chin even tighter, and then trails down to your neck. Your breath catches in your chest. You’re hyperaware of his every movement, of his fingers trailing across your skin, his touch feather-light. It leaves you aching for more.

You instinctively whine again, and he lets out a noise of surprised delight. “Whining like this, and you’re still denying that you want me? What’s got you so embarrassed?”

“I have a husband,” you hiss – or, at least, you try to hiss. It comes out more like a whimper than anything else.

Sugawara looks at you for a beat – and then throws his head back and laughs. It catches you off guard, and you furrow your brow. “Why the fuck are you laughing?”

He collects himself, but his eyes are still gleaming when he looks back at you. “Sure, you have a husband. But that doesn’t stop you from thinking about me, does it? Tell me, when’s the last time that your husband took care of you? When’s the last time that he touched you, or fucked you, or made you feel good?”

“Mr. Sugawara, this is inappropriate–”

“Stop lying to yourself.” His voice suddenly drops, his stare forceful and deadly serious. “Say the word, and I’ll go. We can pretend this never happened. But anyone with eyes can tell that you’re unsatisfied.”

“I…I don’t…” Your thoughts feel like a wave, building higher and higher. They bounce around your head, reverberating against your skull, so loud that you can’t even think.

“Why are you settling?”

“Mr. Sugawara, please, I–”

“Why are you settling, when you know you want more?”

The wave crests.

You don’t know who moves first, but somehow, your fingers are tangled in his hair, and his lips are slotted against yours. It’s not soft, or sweet – it’s a mess of teeth and tongues and feverish breaths. His hands are everywhere. They trail over your skin, explore the curves of your chest and your stomach, grip tightly at your waist to pull you closer.

“Mr. Sugawara,” you pant against his lips. Your lungs scream for oxygen, but you can’t bear to drag yourself away from him for even a second. He kisses so well. It may be rushed, and messy, but there’s so much hunger behind his actions that it makes your head spin. It’s like his lips are a live wire, and every second that they touch yours, they send a thousand volts of electricity arcing through your body.

“Koushi,” he breathes. “Call me Koushi, please.” You nod, and then hurriedly undo the buttons of his shirt, popping a few off in the process. Neither of you care. His hands finally dip beneath the hem of your dress, and he wastes no time in unceremoniously tugging it off your body.

Your hands instinctively go to cover yourself. Age and childbirth have changed your body, and you know that Mr. Sugawara – no, Koushi – is probably used to beautiful young women. You still don’t understand why his eye landed on you. He surely has dozens of girls his age fawning over him, with flat stomachs and perky tits. Why you?

He grips your wrists and pries your hands away from your body. “Don’t do that,” he says, so gentle in contrast to the fire from just moments ago. “Don’t cover yourself up. You’re beautiful.”

Oh.

You can’t remember the last time that someone called you beautiful. You can’t remember the last time that you felt beautiful.

But right now, with Koushi staring at you, eyes blown out with lust… you feel it.

He sinks onto his knees, lips already pressing little kisses against your hips and upper thighs. You try and protest – really, Koushi, you don’t have to – but he shushes you instantly. He hooks one of your thighs over his shoulder and dives in without hesitation. Even through the fabric of your panties, you’re in fucking heaven. His tongue laves against your clit, focusing so much attention onto the swollen bead that you can’t help but let out a moan.

You slap your hand over your mouth to silence yourself. You’re in an elementary school, for God’s sake. The bake sale is at the other side of the large building, but you’re terrified of someone walking past and catching you. Guilt swirls around your heart, but it’s quick to dissipate when Koushi tugs your panties off and throws them over his shoulder. He buries himself into your cunt again, and it’s even better without the barrier. The coil in your stomach is tightening embarrassingly fast, but you can’t seem to find it in yourself to care. His tongue laps at your folds, slurping lewdly.

The pleasure is overwhelming. Your body moves of its own accord. Your hips grind against Koushi’s face, and he moans right into your cunt. His lips move up to your clit again, alternating between licking and sucking. You’re so focused on his mouth that you barely notice his fingers, so long and pretty, collecting your wetness.

You do notice when he fucks two of those pretty fingers into you. He immediately starts scissoring his fingers to stretch you out, before hooking them against that spot inside of you that makes your head spin. Your entire body is shaking with euphoria, so much that you can’t handle it.

“Close,” you cry out, trying to keep yourself upright. “Close, close, please, don’t stop!”

He moans into you again when you tug at his hair. It’s the push that you need to finally fall over the edge. You bite into your palm to keep from screaming as you gush all over him, chest heaving and eyes tearing up.

He keeps curling his fingers, keeps lapping at your clit, until you tug on his hair and cry that the overstimulation is too much. As he lets your leg down and stands up, he makes a show of licking your cum off his fingers, slurping on them loudly. It would make you embarrassed, but you’re too focused on his other hand as it dips down to his belt. The muscles of his stomach flex as he undoes the buckle. You take the opportunity to rake your eyes over his toned torso. He seems so slender when he’s dressed, but his shoulders are surprisingly broad.

He looks up at you with a little smirk. “Caught you staring,” he teases. You blush as he pulls his pants and boxers down in one go, freeing his cock. It’s already hard, and so pretty, just like him. His tip is red and dripping with precum. You want so badly to get a taste, but Koushi has other plans. He spins you by your shoulders, and then presses at the small of your back to make you lay across his desk.

You groan when you feel him slap his cock against your ass a few times, before running it through your folds to collect your wetness. “Please,” you gasp. “No teasing, please.”

“Just came, and you’re already needy?” he chuckles. “That husband of yours must really not be satisfying you.”

You’re spared from having to think of a retort by him sinking into you. A cry leaves your lips, but it’s too good for you to even care about the sound. He feels like heaven as he sinks into you. His cock stretches you out deliciously.

You’re already feeling delirious as he starts to shallowly thrust and work his way in. “Fuck, you’re tight,” he mutters under his breath, more to himself than to you. “So – fuck…”

You can’t do anything but moan and scratch at the table as he starts to fuck into you in earnest. His cock is perfectly curved to hit your spot every time, and soon you’re reduced to a mess underneath him. His balls slap against your ass with every thrust. It hurts, it’s all too much, but it’s so fucking good. You don’t think you’ve ever felt pleasure like this – mind numbing and all consuming, so powerful that it makes your eyes roll back.

“Fuck,” he groans again, bending down so that he can loom over you and leave little bites all over your back and shoulders. “Not gonna last if you keep squeezing me like that, shit!”

“Faster, please,” you beg, and he obliges. He sets an absolutely brutal pace, somehow managing to fuck you hard, fast, and at the perfect angle all at once. Moans and cries spill freely out of your open mouth. When he reaches forward to toy with your clit, it’s all too much, and it sends you over the edge again. Your body practically spasms as he fucks you through your second orgasm. He shows you no mercy, gives you no time to come down. You don’t know if you’re coming again, or if you just never stopped. Your mind is hazy with pleasure and overstimulation.

You’re a twitching mess by the time that he pulls out, but you still whine at the loss. You’re far too fucked out to turn around and look at him, but in the corner of your consciousness, you can hear him panting and stroking himself furiously. His moans are so beautiful. Within a few short seconds, he’s coming all over your ass, painting your pretty skin white with his seed.

You don’t know how long you’re laying there before he taps your cheek to get your attention. “C’mon now,” he says, a tired smile on his face. “Let’s get you cleaned up. We wouldn’t want your husband finding out, would we?”

[basically-i-write-shit]

sliiiiiides into ur dms with semi-ancient youtube au ideas because I may or may not have reappeared after *checks watch* four years to lurk through your haikyuu tag. Consider: kiyoko being insecure because she hangs out with yacchan and yams and tsukki, all of whom sing and/or play instruments and kiyoko's like "...I'm just pretty and a functional adult, you guys are all so talented". Also consider noya scaring the shit out of asahi who is worried for his boyfriend's health and safety

I haven’t written a thing of substance all summer, and these prompts just SENT me. Some Youtube AU is exactly what I need. 

-

Shimizu Kiyoko is not an actress. This much she’s figured out; after a long day on set of one of Ennoshita’s short skits in which she just couldn’t deliver the lines right, couldn’t emote enough for the camera, and many more mishaps that Ennoshita was so overly patient for, she never wants to look at a camera again. Except, of course, she has to-- because her girlfriend vlogs exciting life moments, and this apparently constituted as an exciting life moment. Kiyoko knows she looks put-off in the background as Yachi vlogs in the back of their Uber, and she feels bad for not looking a little happier, but she can’t find it in her for some reason. 

The thing is, Kiyoko is always at least moderately good at anything she tries-- with a few exceptions, of which she’s known for a while, like anything musical, or riding bike. She can do both, but very shakily. She had thought maybe acting would be one of the things she’s good at, because in theory it sounds easy, but either she’s really bad or Ennoshita is a mean director because what was supposed to be a two hour shoot had turned into five. Dinner had been awkward, with Kiyoko piping up even less than usual as Yachi and Ennoshita talked about anything and everything. 

Kiyoko is so lost in thought that she doesn’t hear Yachi sign off from her vlog, nor does she notice they’ve pulled up in front of their apartment building; Yachi’s hand on her shoulder startles her, and her cheeks flush a bit in embarrassment. 

“Hey, we’re home...You alright?” Yachi asks. Kiyoko smiles and nods stiffly. 

“Just a bit tired, is all.” She says. It’s not entirely a lie; she’s exhausted from the long day she’s had, and just wants to curl up in bed with her girlfriend. “Let’s go.” 

Opening the door on her side of the car, Kiyoko makes her way around the car and onto the pavement in front of their apartment building; she holds a hand out for Yachi when her door opens, which Yachi takes with a smile. They walk to the elevator in silence. Kiyoko uses her free hand to press the button for the 20th floor, and they start the ride up to their apartment. At first, it’s just as quiet as the walk in, and then Yachi starts to hum the same song playing in the elevator, quiet but still there. Kiyoko feels a soft smile tugging on her lips as she listens to her girlfriend. The elevator dings, and the doors open, and once again they’re walking; it’s a short distance down the hall to their apartment, but Yachi hums the elevator music still as they unlock the door and step in. 

There’s no need to call an “I’m home!” as the both of them are coming in together, and the apartment is silent in return. Yachi lets out a tired sigh, her shoulders slumping as she slips her coat and shoes off. “It’s so good to be home~ I love Enno-san, but that shoot when so looooong! I almost fell asleep during dinner!” 

Kiyoko chuckles and shakes her head, trekking up the small set of stairs that separates the entrance from the rest of the apartment. “It was a long day. I think I’m going to shower and go to bed. You going to join me?” 

“That sounds good. I can wait to edit this vlog until tomorrow.” Yachi replies, muffling a yawn behind her hand. She comes up the stairs a moment later, wrapping her arms around Kiyoko, who leads her down the hall to the bedroom. Yachi falls onto the bed with a soft thunk and Kiyoko smiles as she searches the room for her bath towel. She finds it hanging behind the door, and as she’s turning to go back down the hall to the bathroom, Yachi speaks up, “Hey babe?.. Are you really okay? You looked kinda upset in the car.” 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Kiyoko hums. She leans against the doorframe, looking over at Yachi as she sits back up, The look on Yachi’s face is stern, and Kiyoko hates seeing the worry lines creasing her forehead and between her eyes. “...I suppose I was just a little disappointed in myself today. I couldn’t seem to get my lines right at all.” 

“Hm? That’s all that has you upset? Honey, you did fine.” 

“I know I did fine, it’s just...I had hoped I’d be good at it, is all.” Kiyoko murmurs. She’s embarrassed to say it. Yachi is normally the one that’s insecure, she’s the one that’s supposed to be strong, and here she is embarrassed over one skit. “You and Yamaguchi-kun make it look so easy...Like how you and Yamaguchi-kun or Tsukishima-kun make it look easy to play an instrument...I can’t even read a script and make it sound natural.” 

Yachi frowns, standing up and crossing the small space between them. “You did just fine, dear. And-- And who cares if you’re not good at acting, or singing? There are plenty of other things people like you for.” She says. 

“Yeah, I suppose. I just wish people liked me for more than my looks...All I am is pretty and a little smart.” 

It’s true, even if she doesn’t want to admit it; Kiyoko only posts on her channel once a month, if that, and it’s all educational or how-to videos. She knows her following is mostly people who think she’s attractive, or Yachi’s subscribers who thought she had content similar to her girlfriend’s. How else does she have over a half a million subscribers? She’s not at all talented. 

Yachi lets out an “aww!” and wraps her arms around Kiyoko, who hugs back, although a bit surprised. 

“Wh- What? I said the truth.” 

“That’s not what anyone thinks of you! And if it is, I’ll fight them! All of them!” Yachi says, hugging Kiyoko tight. 

“I--” 

“Your worth is not dependent on your talents. I mean it.” 

“But--” 

“Kiyoko.” Yachi’s voice is strong, probably the most assured she’s ever been, and Kiyoko pauses in her objections. She rests her head on Yachi’s shoulder, hugging her tighter. 

“...How did I get so lucky?” 

“I ask myself the same thing every night. Now go shower, so I can cuddle my wonderful, beautiful girlfriend.” 

Kiyoko smiles as Yachi pulls away, her cheeks flushed. She supposes as long as Yachi loves her, she doesn’t mind if she’s the worst actor in the world. 

-

Mild Manga spoilers for the Asanoya drabble but like very mild. 

Asahi Azumane, despite his affluence in Japanese fashion, does not go on social media often-- that is, unless his boyfriend and avid world-traveller-slash-modern-day-adventurer is involved. Asahi isn’t able to go on every trip Noya goes on, since his days are busy, but he watches Noya’s videos whilst he’s away. 

Even if Noya calls and details his adventures, Asahi finds comfort --and occasional terror-- in Noya’s vlogs. Seeing Noya (and, on occasion, Tanaka) doing wild stunts in a foreign country is terrifying and sends Asahi’s heart racing. 

Asahi isn’t on social media. Which makes him even more concerned when he logs onto twitter and finds a two-day-old tweet from his boyfriend, the caption on a picture of bloody teeth in a hotel room’s bathroom sink saying “Lol @ tana_ryuu_vlog and I tried surfing in the HUGE tub in my hotel room....Didn’t go too great. Vlog where this happened coming sometime this week!” 

Asahi’s heart sinks and he thinks back to when Noya called him from Bali last night-- he hadn’t said anything about losing his teeth, or an accident of any kind. Yet here Asahi is, staring at the tweet with trembling hands. He doesn’t even noticed he’s exited out of his twitter and into his phone dialer until he sees Noya’s name on the screen, the call processing. He holds the phone to his ear, trying to remember to breathe. 

“Hello? Babe, everything alright? You should be working right now.” Noya sounds tired, like he was asleep, and-- right, it’s only nine in the morning where he is right now. 

“I’m-- I’m fine. Are you okay? I saw your tweet.” Asahi asks, his voice quiet. 

“Huh? Which one?” 

“You tried...bathtub surfing...” 

There’s a quiet “Ah!” and Noya laughs, his tone light despite Asahi’s anxiety. “Right! That was so hilarious, babe, Ryuu lost his two front teeth! Ennoshita-san is going to kill him!” 

It takes a moment for Asahi to process. When he finally does, he blinks. Once, twice. “I-- What?” 

“Yeah, we have ‘em in a glass of milk, he’s going to an emergency dentist across town right now to see if they can put ‘em back in, or if he’ll have to get an implant in when we get back to Japan.” 

...Sometimes Asahi wonders why he loves him so much. 

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02 (ep,7), Part 1

Tohru & the cracked mask:

Tohru wears masks in front of both the characters within the show & the viewers. we rarely sense sth is wrong with her. In the new years ep, we never knew until Hana told us & Kyo in the last ep. Thanks to hiro, tohru is still dwelling in her mom issues. she’s now super sensitive that she hurt others which scares her. This fear takes her off guard & shes drop her mask momentarily being at loss on how to cover up her feelings, awkwardly using words & actions to cover up her slip up. Lucky for her, they all brush it off as tohru being tohru. Aside from hiro’s guilty conscious &. Mr. Detective Cat, (specializing in Rice-ball cases). 

-Kyo approaches Tohru casually, sits comfortably & brings the topic frankly. There’s no planning or deliberate tactics. It comes naturally to him. Direct question “did hiro say sth weird to you?”. He didn’t hide that he was concerned & expressed his feelings honestly, “ This is what makes me worry” “didn’t I say it throws me off”. It’s okay to complain, remember? “I though I already told you” is the biggest indication of how open, genuine & normal kyo is with tohru. For kyo talking abt his parents is talking abt the source of his trauma & he thought he told her already!! That’s how much he trusted her! “ my mother kill..was killed in an accident” kyo was ready to say it as it is & I’m glad he didn’t. This is tohru in her most vulnerable moment yet, telling her his mom committed suicide would’ve troubled her deeply. She’ll feel so sorry for both of them & We know how much kyo hates pity. Although tohru hasn’t complained to kyo directly, he connected the dots. She’s sensitive abt her mom’s stories. He even guessed the topic: untold mom-memory that involves watermelon splitting. Tell the story tohru~ kyo will listen. don’t ever hold sth back by force. open up, girl! It’ll take you time, I know..but plz open up little by little. Kyo staring fondly at tohru, noticing her every detail is very romantic, him finishing her sentence for her is very liberating for tohru. yes, ur mom’s story is fun, Don’t be oversensitive & hide it. “ it IS fun”. The body language with her hand resting on his knee is very a intimate gesture for tohru!! the girl who still bows to Yuki & shigure despite living with them & talks very formally with close friends.

The angelic mother vs the troubled teen girl:

The way tohru was drawn while covering the sleeping kids reminds me of how kyoko was drawn in tohru’s memories & how most mothers are drawn in anime. So tender, with a doting smile, flowing hair, affectionate stare & kind face. Like an angel hovering around helpless children. Interestingly, that image was seen from Yuki’s perspective alone. Both haru & kyo were there but only yuki pictured this. This reminded me of another scene where tohru was drawn motherly & angelic, In Kisa ep in SE01. kisa slept in her lap & all yuki wanted was to rest in her shoulders. This is heavily contrasted with how kyo saw tohru with the kids. His thought was “The kids are so carefree” normal comment you’d expect from a tired adult abt children. What kyo saw was a troubled teen who was awkwardly hiding her pain & tragically missing her late mother. She is someone who needs to a push to vent, someone who is NOT okay. This brings other scenes as well. From kyo’s perspective tohru is someone who he can gently hit on the head for being spacey, or tease for nose dripping while crying, or blush at excessively for trying on a swimsuit. To sum up, Yuki sees her as an angelic mother & kyo sees her as real person. I must say I’m completely amazed at how the visuals as used to convey the difference between the two boys in regard to tohru. That’s how visual tools & story telling should be combined & used!

Yuki opened the lid:

Hiding the content of Akito’s encounter with Yuki is done to mirror Yuki’s  uncertain & unresolved feelings. However, while yuki didn’t tell us what happened, he told us his feelings afterwards. Yuki opened the lid. He faced Akito & he wasn’t as shaken as before. I love that opening the lid doesn’t automatically mean that you are healed. It means that you are now facing your trauma & trying to figure out how to deal with it without relying much on faulty coping mechanisms. You are still using these faulty ways at the moment but you are actively searching for healthier ways.

-Yuki knows he isn’t as useless as Akito tried to instill in him.. He saved someone & by saving her, he himself was far more saved in every sense of the word. If Yuki didn’t save young tohru, someone else would have whether the police or her mom. This incident didn’t change tohru’s life much. But if yuki didn’t save young tohru, he wouldn’t have been able to believe in himself. He can never repay her back for that moment & for the warmth & joy that she shared with him. Being forever indebted is bittersweet. This is what the whole falling stars scene felt to me..so bittersweet. For sometime, I was a bit confused on why I felt as sad as Yuki & as confused as tohru. But now I think I get it. The gratefulness that he feels is coupled with the feeling of incompleteness. To him, tohru is like the sky, so majestic, enveloping all creatures below her with rain & warmth. But also far away. Skies are kinda similar to mothers, always there for you, but you can’t look at them forever. Yuki can’t tell tohru abt the hat yet, because he wants to be able to say it happily & strongly, rather than sadly & weakly. He wants to stand on his feet to say it NOT bend & rest on her shoulders as he’s doing now & as he did in Kisa’s ep in SE01. “ you are so dear to me/I don’t know what I would do without you” are both expressions that imply Yuki’s appreciation of her yet his sadness in being dependable on her warmth & his sorrow that he’ll never give her back as much as she unknowingly did. He needs to be his own person first. He can do it now step by step as he’s learning to deal with Akito differently.

Side notes:

This post is abt the rat, the cat & the rice-ball. (The dog in part 2)

I’m so happy to see my girl sharing the spotlight this season! & by the spotlight I mean the darkness. Crack that fake mask little by little.

Tohru is falsely presented as the perfect angel who helps others while under her mask, she’s the opposite!! she’s a REAL person! someone who’s so lost & sad & lonely! I love how she’s written!! can’t wait for her content!! please let it be next ep!! plz!!

I was right! Yuki get to open his lid first.

Kisa’s fear of Akito harming tohru is sad.

Akito hating sunshine-momiji goes well with her dark theme.

both hiro & kyo have no patience for nonsense XD.

I can’t be the only one who noticed that since tohru with sleeping kids was drawn deliberately to resemble a mother, the way the show drew kyo approaching & sitting resembled a father! like a mom & dad having a rest after a long hard day with their kids outside. It gives off strong little family feels. They both looked like young adults more than teenagers, especially when tohru was telling kyo to not wake up the kids.

[lucacangettathisass]

‘There’s just nothing inside you, nothing at all.’

The Southern Raiders Episode And Kataang Zutara Katara

so a few years ago (i wanna say 2014? smthn like that) @irresistible-revolution mentioned wanting to write a meta about the southern raiders episode of atla and how it’s really about katara and not kataang or zutara. i’ve just finished the episode and i have my own thoughts on that so i’ve decided to get them out and dedicate the following meta/word vomit to her.

(also @gameofdooweeoo since u seem to enjoy my word vomits and @mythaelogy since u asked for content. i know it isnt the meta i was talking about, but hopefully this can tide u over until then.)

spoilers ahead obvi.

so, i think we can all agree that atla is a far more mature show than what is usually aimed at children. from the themes of war, imperialism, lost innocence, and compassion and the lack thereof (still working on that meta, gonna finish the show before i really knuckle down and get started on it), among many others, it’s safe to say that it’s an incredibly mature show, and an episode that best exemplifies that is ‘the southern raiders’.

quick recap: when they were still children, katara and sokka’s mother, kya, was killed during a raid on the southern water tribe to find waterbenders (the show only has katara and sokka say their mother was taken from them which implies imprisonment, which did happen to previous benders, but it’s far more heavily implied that she actually died. kinda weird how they kept that ambiguous considering all the other stuff that was included but eh.), and the raid was lead by yohn ra. years later, after joining the gaang, zuko offers katara, who still harbours hatred and anger towards yohn ra, a chance at revenge and closure. now, here’s where some of the shipping wars and conflicts arise.

full disclosure, i ship both of these ships and have done for years, so i never really focused on that aspect of the episode, however i can see why other people did.

i don’t involve myself in shipping discourse, but from what i’ve seen there are some zutara shippers (as well as non shippers) who say that zuko is helping katara deal with her emotions, while aang invalidates them. i would like to respectfully disagree.

in this point in time, zuko is still dealing with his own intense emotional trauma and learning to let go of his anger as well as trying to get katara to like and trust him, and he sees this as a way to accomplish the latter. he was raised in an environment that encouraged aggression and violence, and no doubt getting revenge would’ve been part of that. and i don’t just mean his homelife/childhood, but we’ve seen how society in the fire nation is also geared towards violence (as is typical of imperialist, warmongering nations, but that’s a meta for another day), so it would make sense for him to jump to that as a course of action. i also believe he’s living his own revenge fantasy vicariously through katara, he was unable to save his mother as a child, and perhaps sees this as a way to make up for that (even though he was, y’know, a child). this is not to say that zuko’s thinking was inherently wrong. his thinking and view of the world had been so thoroughly warped by that stage, that to him, getting an eye for an eye was more than fair for katara. he may have changed sides, but it takes far more than that to undo such intense cultural conditioning. his feelings and opinion on how katara should deal with her grief are every bit as valid as aang’s.

another moment for disclosure; i 100% agree with aang in this instance, no question. revenge is all well and good, but an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind and whatnot. one of the biggest messages of atla is how violence begets violence and that breaking that cycle is the only way forward (this will be further discussed in that ‘atla and compassion’ meta), and aang has shown this attitude throughout the series. despite the fact that he’s literally the most powerful bender in the world, aang has consistently shown to value non violent approaches to conflicts, as he was taught by the monks (who, as we all know, were based off buddhist monks). and when he tells katara he understands what she’s going through, he means it. don’t forget, he’s the last airbender, the lone survivor of a genocide. when he went to the southern air temple and saw the destruction, he was enraged and went into the avatar state over it. he carries that weight and anger and loss and grief with him every day, the same way katara carries hers. he knows this pain, knows it all too well, and he doesn’t want it to drag katara down. she’s a lively, vibrant, compassionate soul, which he (and myself and i’m sure many others) loves, choosing to exact revenge on someone, however ‘deserving’ of it they may be, could easily twist that. if she does it then, what’s stopping her from doing it again and again and again? and what’s to stop anyone else from trying to exact revenge on her? the cycle continues, the wheel spins, and nothing is changed. in the end he does concede that this is something she needs to do and accepts that, although not without some trepidation, because it’s about her and her feelings. and he’s right.

now for katara.

here’s the thing about katara: as a character, she truly is one of a kind. she’s a young woman (of colour) who is shown to be kind, loving, compassionate, friendly, and brave, all the good things a person should aspire to be. but the writers don’t try to kid themselves or us into believing that that’s all she is. she’s also ruthless, can hold a grudge like nobody’s business (obvi as a grudge is the catalyst for this episode), and possess a temper that is honestly rarely seen in a female character (ur fave could never, as the kids say). and that side of her is on full display this episode. the writers never once make katara seem ridiculous or vindictive or petty for holding onto this anger, they are totally honest about it. sometimes even kind, sweet people we love and hold dear to us are capable of extreme hate and violence, and we need to reconcile that. and we also need to deal with our grief and anger in our own ways.

the loss of her mother is significant to katara in ways that are different to sokka. this is not to say that losing his mother didn’t affect sokka, of course it did, but it was different for them both. katara had become the mother to both her and sokka (sokka himself said in ‘the runaway’ that when he tries to picture his mother’s face, he sees katara), which is a huge responsibility. there was of course gran gran and hakoda, but sokka’s comment is very revealing. katara and sokka lost more than their mother that day, they lost their innocence, and katara specifically lost her chance at girlhood. she had to, or at least felt like she had to, step up and replace her mother, a responsibility that was no doubt kicked up a notch once hakoda left for war (possibly another reason why she resented hakoda for leaving? discuss.). after all gran gran was an old woman, expecting her to care for two children, one of which was their tribe’s last waterbender, is somewhat unrealistic. and while there is a feeling that everyone in the southern water tribe would’ve pitched in and raised all the kids together, katara still felt the need to become the new mother (and considering sokka’s pre-series sexism, it’s unlikely he was a big help), while not knowing what to do. sure she would’ve learned from gran gran and the other women, but there’s more to motherhood, self imposed or not, than just tasks. there’s being an emotional support, a voice of reason, an example of bravery. being all of these things is taxing on an adult, nevermind a heavily traumatized child. yohn ra made katara grow up too fast. he ripped her girlhood away from her. it’s only fair she rips what’s left of his life from him.

when we meet yohn ra, he is far from the fierce raider commander from the flashbacks. he’s now an old man, living with his (implied to be abusive) mother, and tending to a garden. while he still displays some skill at firebending, it’s clear that he’s no match for zuko and katara, who in a previous scene expressed a willingness to bloodbend despite her reservations about it in ‘the puppet master’ (a prime example of just how fierce she can be). katara is able to stop some of the rain, creating a dome of cover for the three of them, after revealing that she was the last waterbender in the southern water tribe, not her mother. she creates a flurry of sharp icicles, all of which look like they could easily impale yohn ra, and throws them at him.

and then she stops. she calls off the attack.

yohn ra takes the opportunity to try and placate katara, admitting that what he did was wrong (was he sincere or just trying to save his ass? discuss.) and beg for mercy, offering up his own mother’s life (an eye for an eye). katara says that before, she couldn’t imagine why someone would do something like take away a person’s mother. and she says that she’s understands now.

‘there’s nothing inside you, nothing at all. you’re pathetic and sad and empty.’

it’s something that i’m sure many victims/survivors wish they could say to the people who traumatized them. you did this horrible thing to me, nothing you do or say can undo it or untraumatize me. you’re pathetic, sad, empty. you’re nothing. for katara, it’s no doubt a cathartic moment. throughout the years, despite not knowing his name, yohn ra was the monster that lurked under her bed. the shadows that seemed to move on dark nights. the nightmares that chased away pleasant dreams and sleep.

yohn ra cries, begging for mercy.

and katara grants it.

she tells him that as much as she hates him, she can’t do it. she can’t bring herself to take a life the way he did. yohn ra may be pathetic and sad and empty, but she is not. she has her family, her friends, her promise to aang to help him defeat ozai and end the war. a war that took her mother and brought her to that moment. she has things and people to live for and love, she has happiness and joy, she has fulfillment. she is not yohn ra. she will not act like she is.

i haven’t read any interviews/discussions from the writers on the episode that talk about why katara spared yohn ra instead of killing him. perhaps it was to help foreshadow aang’s show of mercy to ozai. maybe it was to keep katara’s status as a heroine and not have her ‘go over to the dark side’ so to speak. i don’t know, and to be perfectly honest, i don’t really care (death of the author babey!!!!!!). for me, this episode was about katara growing as a person, learning that exacting violence on someone for the violence they exacted on u (whether directly or indirectly) is never good and will not lead to a sustainable society. to kill yohn ra, despite the things he’s done, would solve nothing. her mother is still dead. she is never getting her girlhood back. and she would never be able to undo killing yohn ra. by sparing yohn ra, she showed the kind of grace and mercy that many real world adults are unable to show, and that’s extremely powerful. i can only imagine the kind of strength that goes into that kind of restraint.

she hasn’t forgiven him. perhaps, despite aang’s hopes, she never will. but she can learn to let the anger and grief go, and fill herself with other things, like forgiveness for zuko, and love for aang.

she will not be nothing. or pathetic. or sad. or empty.

she will not be him.