#ur right david is a painfully normal name

[its-no-biggie]

you mean david "thats not my name anymore" washington?? he does NOT get to claim the rights to that normal name! his name is washington and thats final. -church, probably

ok but genuinely i didnt really count the freelancers because theres the implication that they left their old names behind when they joined the program (plus we dont know most of their first names). so theres an argument to be had that its not his name anymore, but i didnt explore how that argument would go down..... tbh its very funny to imagine wash freely telling them his first name and them being like "???? freelancers have first names????" and then they turn to carolina and shes like "youll find out over my cold dead body". and then theres a heated debate because david IS his first name, but how can we judge carolina if we dont know her first name? its only fair to use their freelancer names! they try to ask wash himself if he considers his "real name" to be david or washington, and he claims he has no preference (hes too entertained by the argument to settle it that easily). carolina insists that carolina is NOT her real name but refuses to disclose her first name. theyre so chaotic lmao

anyway if they agree that his name is david then hes definitely also a winner. but we all know they cant agree on anything, so the stalemate disqualifies him. sorry wash

i also didnt include locus...... all this discussion about code names prompts them to ask him, and even if he doesnt care about the competition i dont think he would withold his name just to fuck with them. plus afaik felix and locus were just self-imposed codenames, so no symbolic leaving their name behind nonsense. so i say locus is just an alias, and he would probably confirm that. a challenger approaches! samuel is a super normal name- hes definitely a winner alongside caboose. caboose gives him a high five. locus is mildly amused by this outcome. wash is outraged that locus counts but he doesnt, but its too late for him lmfao

What if Grif and Simmons have gotten so used to each others last names that they only ever use them, never first names, AT LEAST that’s what ppl assume until someone mentions it, reigniting the argument over whether Dick or Dexter is the worse name