#ur right abt my self-esteem being very low though

[frogb]

BRUH HOW ARE MY DRAWINGS BETTER....... HHHHHHDJDHHH WDYM😾😾 YOUR DRAWINGS ARE ALWAYS SO DETAILED AND AMAZING LOOKING AND YOUR COLOURING IS FUCKING PERFECT SO DONT. DONT EVEN TRY TO SAY MINE ARE BETTER BCUZ THEYRE NOT HHSBBDDNDKJDJKSKSDN CRYING RN......

gon keeps putting himself in dangerous situations to prove that he’s worthy of finding ging and now he’s found him but killuas gone and he misses him so much but he’s convinced himself that he’s not worthy of being by his side anymore so he keeps putting himself in peril to prove to himself that he can still be with killua, or to atone for something even he’s not sure why he’s doing it but he feels he needs to somehow but no matter what he does no matter how much pain he does through he finds it’s never enough he’ll never come close because nothing could equal the pain he caused killua

[darby-drabbles]

Yesterday on twitter I asked for questions from this post,,, specifically for Andre just because, I wanted to talk about him? Feel free to ask me Even More!!! For Andre or other ocs from his story or anyone, I don’t mind. I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve done oc talk so it was good to get back into it. A few questions asked by both @duck-n-clover and @agentchimendez Thank you so much!

4. Has your character ever witnessed experienced something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

(“witnessed” seemed different from “experience” and I just couldn’t think of a witness thing for some reason so I CHanged it to have an actual answer.. IT Is more serious tho now so.. LETs see.)

In general,, he always felt second best compared to his sister and that shaped SO MUCH of what he’s done. Whether it was trying so hard to succeed, overworking and feeling horrible when he failed,, or when he started his intense Rebellious Phase in protest. Sibling favoritism shaped him to crave attention no matter how he got it. And YEAh, people know. He definitely talks about/complains/has breakdowns about not feeling good enough or his family often enough so all his friends know that that’s why he’s Like This sometimes. It only really comes up with his family in the form of snappy angery comments so they get kind of brushed off as Andre being moody AGaiN.

“Adopting” the droid changes him, for the better! (eventually..) He’s reluctant to care for her at first,, he’s a bit, impatient and short-tempered with her? and kinda in general, actually. And since he doess end up messing her up/can’t fix the glitches she had, he feels guilty and like a bit of a failure again. But he also eventually gets more patient, starts to open up more, and meets/becomes closer to people because of her! He’s happier.. Delilah is a very good droid daughter whom he loves and owes a lot to. He might not specifically talk about it too often,, but,,, I think people can tell he’s doing better now because of her.

To get even more serious now, sorry, TW for sexual abuse. I’ve talked about it before so I’m not gonna get too into it, (just the next paragraph, the rest are his reactions to it) you could read more of the details here. (the last question) Skip or read as much as you feel comfortable with, I don’t talk abt anything else until the next question.

He met an older man through his sister and saw him at the bar once. The guy started talking to Andre because he was familiar~ (he also knew Andre snuck in and wasn’t 21 yet and probably had drugs on him 🙃 He holds that against him later.) They go back to this guys place, blow each other. It was an okay little fling at first,, Andre wouldn’t have found the guy memorable. They lay in bed a while until Andre says he wants to go home,,, guy says he still wants to fuck or at least get another bj. Andre refuses but he pins him down and basically did a whole guilt trippy “who are people gonna believe?? you’re a druggy delinquent sneaking into bars to get blowjobs” speech. This guy definitely has a Good Guy image with a lot of people INCluding Andre’s sister Zahra, so Andre figured he was right. They’d believe this guy first, and wouldn’t be on Andre’s side because he’s Always Like This. Acting out and sleeping around and not being in the best situations. “This is all you’re good for.” 🙃 And Andre ‘low self-esteem’ *last name* UH. Totally believes that and feels pretty worthless, unfortunately, and blows him so he can just go home. He was pretty rough with him, which Andre normally likes, so he felt pretty, weird, about that for a while. Andd so he gets it over with and just, tries to go home. The man still teases him a bit trying to get him to stay but he’s very much over this guy and is ready to sleep and shower already.

~~ It makes him angry and defensive for a while and his drug use spikes, he feels used and worthless and gets Even More Self Destructive and a bit destructive in general. He says it wasn’t a big deal, it didn’t affect him he’s fine,, because he wants to avoid it, but it clearly obviously affects him for a while. He’s mad that it happened to him. He does eventually get help for that which in turn helps with stopping the drug use for coping and, that’s goood. He still sometimes insists it wasn’t a big deal it could’ve been worse, but he’ll get upset over it too.

He wouldn’t tell a lot of people, Evelyn and Kriss would know. Avery and Nicki might.. But Evelyn was the only one who knew him at the time, she was one of his few friends, and they’re really close. He goes to her really upset about it soon after it happened. He doesn’t explicitly tell her what happened but it’s sort of implied and she understands. He does tell her later, after the whole thing has calmed down and the memory and trauma isn’t as fresh,, she was a good friend through it and he wanted her to know what was wrong.

He’d tell his more serious partners which would really only be Kriss? (plus maybe some mix n match in that ship/au Perhaps) It happened before dating Nicki, but I don’t think* he would’ve told her just because he still hadn’t really dealt with those emotions himself yet? And their relationship was pretty quick and intense already. Like they’re friends again now but I don’t think they get tooo deep into emotional stuff often anymore. I think he’d want to explain and apologize for some of his actions including the drug use, so he’d find a way to tip toe around the topic a bit?? But probably wouldn’t tell her details. Avery is another of his closer friends and I feel like they vent to each other sometimes, it’s possible that he told them something about it.

*I mentioned in the other post that Nicki might know,, but I’m leaning more to her not knowing now, so, updated info I Guess.

His sister knows he slept with the man but Andre wanted to drop that conversation REal Quick.

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Whats! In! His! Bag!

There’s the obvious, phone wallet and keys,, spare change. Maybe a pack of gum or a peppermint or someth. A band aid, jic. He’ll bring earbuds if he knows he’ll be alooone and get to listen to music. (I couldn’t find it by itself but the very first vine in this video Is Andre walking down the street. .. Bouncin’ around..) Occasionally, a pocket knife,, maybe a lighter. He doesn’t smoke often anymore but still nice to have. Uhh that’s all I can think of. Pretty Simple. (in baby au he has a bag so he can carry So Much Junk and snacks and toys and just. Anything.)

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

He kinda rarely has memorable dreams, and I don’t think there’s a ton of recurring themes in them? Maybeb a few Anxiety dream thoughts but they’re probably different from each other,, or at least not repeated often enough to notice. ‘OH my teeth fell out This TIme,, last time I just showed up to class naked. That’s fine I guess.’

I think he gets that *feels like you’re falling so you jerk awake really suddenly* feeling kinda often though.

8. Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

I haven’t thought about this?? But no I donn’t thiink so, he’s not a gun guy. If anything he only would’ve been practicing shooting at targets or cans, something like that.

10. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

More often than not,, less clothing. 👀 To an extent. But, probably when he was younger it would be more clothing bc he was hiding things and felt guarded and comfortable in layers of clothe. How could someone suspect ur on drugs and bruisey from fights and not eating enough if they can’t see your body at all, hmm??? Check, Mate

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

HMm this is a tough one. I mean I wanna say happiness but he doesn’t actually seek that out for himself for A While, and for a long time he kind of struggles with the need to prove himself and show that he’s good enough and not a failure. Sometimes he’s trying to succeed in something that would make his family happy and other times it’s trying to prove it to himself. So when he’s younger I’ll say success, but currently, happiness.

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

One of his grandmother’s died when he was prettyy young and so death was explained in a very,, kid friendly way and + his lil imagination, I think that stuck with him?? They weren’t a particularly spiritual family, they probably said something like, she won’t come back but she’ll always be with you,,, like,,, in your thoughts and in ur heart but he was an imaginative easily spooked kid and kinda took that to mean Ghost. OBVIously…. But that’s not what they meant… That kinda freaked him out as a kid, he didn’t want A Ghost followin him???? Not even a nice gramma-ghost, no way. That’s a haunting! SPooky???? His parents eventually had to explain that no she’s not a ghost she’s just,,, not here any more. But I think he was already pretty set on these thoughts and the thought of not existing anymore At All seemed even scarier tbh? But he did get more comfortable with,, if there was a gramma-ghost,, then she would be nice like gramma.

But he still kinda, believes in ghosts and spirits in some way more than anything,, like your spirit or energy might stick around somewhere familiar or someone you love perhaps. He’s never really had a ghostly experience to back up these thoughts, though, and he sometimes doubts if that’s really what will happen. Maybe reincarnation, maybe u just blink out of existence, he doesn’t know. His afterlife beliefs don’t scare him per say, but I don’t think he’s really comforted by it, either. Death in general scares him a little, so he Tries Not To Think About It.