#ur heart starts failing your blood pressure drops etc etc

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

dont come looking for me

[pretty-setter-bois]

sensitive

request; Voltron request, how do the paladins deal with a crush who they find out is very sensitive physically, (they are human not alien), their hearing is sensitive and can hear things others usually don’t, sensitive to light so wears a cap all the time, a creature attempted to attack crush once and crush without looking just slapped it, knocking it out, they can’t be snuck on?

summary; the paladins have known their crush to have very sensitive senses, but what happens when they take out a whole creature on their own without trying?

word count; 906™

warning; maybe a few swears here n there, but none ღ

SHIRO

it would put him at ease

he’s v trusting of you ( already head over heels + been stuck in an alien ship for months? bond 😍 )

wants to bring you on missions but also fears your safety

once he tried to protect you on a mission,,,, didn’t end well.

you ended up protecting him n he was in awe

was liek,,,,,

‘i’m not supposed to be feeling like this, how is this so hot-’

that’s sum lance shit nvm

anyways thinks of you as a valuable asset to the team, and just dotes on you without noticing

even keith noticed whew

in general, would be really good ab it, not too over the top but acknowledges it at the same time

8/10

keith

at first he’s all angsty and thinks you’re trying to kill them ( s1 keith rip )

but the more time you spend together, the more it grows on him

this one time while you were on a mission and someone was sneaking up behind him

like one of haggar’s scary testbots

crush was in front of him, with their back facing him, like literally 2m away and distracted

without even turning around, you throw a knife

at first he thinks its aimed at him n ducks, then realizes it went higher

you weren’t really one to miss,,,, you were like,,, the sharpshooter

sum lance shit again im srryyy

then he turns around

he find this giant galra robot, the knife supposedly for him stabbed in the chest

he turns around to thank you, but you’re already leaving.

“you’re welcome.”

ever since he’s been feeling weird

then remembered that one time lance talked to him bc he was ‘captain’

so he decided to talk to our resident love expert

“remember when i said (Y/N) was a spy?” keith starts, sitting on lance’s bed with his elbows propped up to hold his forehead.

this was upon inviting himself into the former blue pilots room, of course.

“we’re not doing this again. (Y/N)’s awesome! how could they be a spy.”

“that’s it. just when i start to think that they’re not, i start feeling weird. maybe they like, imprinted on me.”

“just like haggar imprinted on you and we got tracked? that was a total bust, buddy.”

“it feels different, though.”

“different how?”

“like, my heart starts racing, my palms get sweaty, and my breath gets caught in my throat.”

“dude, don’t tell me you’re being serious.”

“what do you mean?”

“are you seriously that dense?”

“you’re dense!”

“at least i’m not dense enough to not know who i have a crush on!”

“you have a crush?”

lance facepalms, letting his hand drop to its original place.

“you. you like (Y/N).”

keith’s eyes widen, as his arms lose control and drop onto the mattress. he leans back, but his arms catch him.

“you okay, man?”

mans pulls a 360 n straight up moon walks outta there

he liked you?

took him a while to accept but after he did, he always tried to be protective of you

didn’t work, as he got his ass saved everytime

either way it was in interaction with you, sooo

9/10

lance

at first, he tries to hit on you like every other cutie he’s met

but when you just ignore his advances, our boy gives up

he realizes that he was lowkey bein disrespectful and lays off

then in a mission

he watches you

beat a whole hallway of sentries

without even trying

like,,,, one step = one sentry down

mans knew he was in luv

one problem... you didn’t take him seriously

so he does the one thing he good at

sweettalking, but with a twist

“woah! that’s amazing! i didn’t know you could do that!”

“thanks, i guess.”

that failed

he’s amazing at reading people’s body language, tones, etc

that backfired badly, so he tried another attempt

in small lil ways he tries to let you know he cares

having ur back in a mission

more like u having his back but,,, it’s the thought that counts

stopping in front of your door to ask questions at like,,,, 1am

knows ur sensitive so offers hats ( whatever he can get from coran )

slowly makes his way to ur good side

10/10 :)

hunk

bby

was always on ur good side

notices the small things n figures it out

always knows you’ll have his back in a mission

first time he witnessed it in action,,, he rethought his entire existence

‘woah, they’re amazing...’

from then on small feelings begin to grow

asks you to help him bake

calls u his ‘lucky charm’ bc u know all the spices by scent

rlly adorable ab it

11/10 :))

pidge

techno wiz type beat

figured it out when she had to evaluate everyones blood pressure n senses with coran for a checkup

it was a tuff mission and allura wanted to check you were ok

so when it was your turn

she noticed that all your senses were more heightened than average

scent, sight, taste, you name it

was so amazed

was alr crushing on u from before, this was a bonus

used it as an excuse to talk to you

thinks ur amazing

helps make special lenses that adjust your eyes to the light

when you ask for glasses n say that u want them to pay tribute to the inventor, her heart melts

8/10

[b-lessings]

Assalamu alaykum🤍🤍🤍

Alhamdulillah today I feel MUCH better😊, also thanks to the weather (a 🍁foggy, rainy november sunrise🍁 here in Verona never fails to lift me up :)) and my prayers (I don't mean to brag ofc I don't want to come across as bragging about how pious and pure i [spoiler: im not] am) and uquiz lol

I just read your reply and I don't know if u need to hear this but lemme say: UR AWESOME, AL GHZALA DYALI🤍

Ofc I don't believe in luck either, I think I expressed myself badly: by "lucky" I meant that before highschool I never needed to open a book for the purpose of studying, the lessons would just get printed in my mind and I could spend my days wasting time and still get As in every class, except perhaps Technology (we had this class - THANK GOD WE DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE - where we would study in detail how industries like textile ones worked, and what were machines made of etc.). I don't know if it makes sense, but I think it was just me having a great memory (a memory that has failed me these 3 years, I started forgetting even basic stuff, getting burnout by small things and having blood pressure drops and alarming iron & vitamin D deficiency), not actual hard work. Certainly all successes come from Allah, but I feel like I never put anything in it myself, and now I have to unlearn my bad coping mechanisms and learn how to plan ALL my time.

But enough of me, how are you? I saw the no negativity november post and I 100% am gonna too do just that, God knows I need to stop being an emotional sponge to all negative stimula around me (not only other people's stimula, but also books'!!! My anxiety got so bad now I can't read mistery books T.T without really painful tummy aches). I hope you get better 🤍 May Allah heal you and increase the purity of your heart, sister🤍🤍🤍

- 🤍

OH MY GOD !!!!! IT WAS YOU? I LITERALLY SAID THAT THE ASK REMINDED ME OF YOU , lmao girl bye.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH L3marrrr dyaliii k7ma9 3lik w 3la your cuteness 🤍🤍 come sei carina 🥺🤍🤍

Please stay safe and take care of your beautiful self, I am all here for No-Negativity-Vember 😅🤍

Sono davvero orgogliosa de ti ;)

Fi Aman Allah cutie 🤍

[dragimal]

ok this is like. MAJORLY self-indulgent, self-psychoanalyzing rambling so I’m putting it under a readmore, but my thoughts have been spinning in circles over this for like. practically my whole teen/adult life. and I just need to put it down somewhere

idc if anyone wants to read this or respond or anything, again I’m just basically trying to vomit out my thoughts until something makes sense

so like. anxiety. I know I have it, that’s the ONE Problems Disorder I’m 100% certain I’ve got, to whatever degree it matters

but that’s kinda the thing-- to WHAT degree, and DOES that matter? at what point can I say it’s a legitimate part of me, and at what point is it something negligible and unobtrusive?

b/c here’s the other thing-- anxiety is, in fact, a strong aspect of my self-image. it’s something I associate strongly with as a character trait, and I tend to relate to ‘meek’ characters

I know part of it is a defense mechanism. I had to make myself small, being raised by my mom. she’s a whole other rant, but essentially she’s a very defensively prideful person, and any attempt to steer a conversation towards your own accomplishments/needs/interests is met with a blank look and a swift topic change back to herself. (and god forbid u bring up her faults, that would guarantee manipulative guilt-tripping at best, screaming and crying at worst)

but there’s also another convoluted level to this defense mechanism. I recognized at a young age, on some subconscious level, that pride was/is my mom’s greatest downfall. so I internalized that as, “pride (and even more broadly, confidence) is bad and and a danger to those around you” 

not to be Homestuck on main, but Dave’s first conversation with Dirk struck me on a level of personal experience that few other pieces of media have ever hit, particularly this bit

obviously the physical aspect of this abuse is beyond me, but the emotional manipulation, and Bro subsequently ruining a generally positive concept (the concept of heroism, in his case) hits incredibly close to home

my mom exuded confidence and always told me that confidence in myself over all else would save me, but she ultimately ruined confidence for me. I know there will always be this underlying thread of fear that if I’m not afraid-- that if I allow myself confidence-- that I will become like her. that I’ll hurt people with my pride

now this is all shit that I’ve known abt myself for a long time, and I know I’ve even mentioned some of this in passing before. but here’s what’s fucking me up nowadays: what happens when you cling to anxiety like this? what happens when you craft a disorder into your personality? where does subconscious reaction end and deliberate masking begin?

b/c here’s the other thing: I don’t truly hate myself. not rly-- not on the level I would say is dangerous or clinical. some of it may very well be real, but I definitely play it up. like play-acting at under-confidence

and it’s not like I don’t have pride either. I have tons of pride for various things I do or accomplish, namely academic studies, crafting/art, and just like working standards in general. when I can eloquently describe/argue my point, or accurately craft something to my inner image, I feel very real pride

but pride hurts. I feel pride, but equal to that is the shame I feel at feeling pride in the first place. it’s genuinely painful at times to accept a compliment without argument NOT because I necessarily disagree (tho there are definitely times where I DO actually disagree), but to accept a compliment is to admit I have pride in the thing being complimented, and THAT is unacceptable

and it’s not like my fear is unfounded either. I’ve hurt ppl w/ my pride before-- and this isn’t my anxiety making me self-critical, I KNOW this for a FACT. it simply comes with the territory of all that “gifted child” bullshit in school. yeah I was one of those. thankfully not a very outspoken student (the anxiety in my younger days was a lot more real and visceral), but I do still distinctly remember moments where my academic pride gave me an... inflated sense of presence over those that didn’t get the material, I guess u could say

I know there were times I made ppl feel small, due to my pride. hell, times I got overly, fearfully defensive of my knowledge or artistic skill to the point of talking over others and making them feel stupid. no one deserves to feel small, and it fucking tears me up to know that I did that to ppl. that I still knee-jerk react in that way sometimes, even now, and it still slips out

and isn’t that just proof that I can’t appropriately handle pride? that I’m not mature enough for confidence?

and it’s not even all about making myself small for others’ sake. half of it is this incredibly selfish knowledge that not living up to my own standards will fucking kill me if I let it

I feel like every ‘gifted kid’ experiences a chain events that starts at, “wow I’m so smart, I’m great at every subject!” and ends at, “christ I’m fucking garbage at literally everything.” we’re taught that success is in being able to do something well the first time (or at least quickly and with little effort), so if we’re not immediately good at something, we shut down b/c we were never taught that success is actually in the effort at the task

this has been talked to death by others so I don’t want to bother w/ it too long, but the critical thing to note is that there’s there’s this eventual sense of defeat in everything you do, when ur brought up w/ this mindset

I used to be somewhat competitive in certain things when I was younger-- the rare sports I played when I was RLY young, academics obviously, etc. or at least, competitive with my own personal standards, if not necessarily against other ppl. but every failure and mistake made me so upset that the angst was like. genuinely dangerous to my health

I used to play golf on a team in middle school, and every time I whiffed it I would get SO angry at myself that my dad literally told me that that level of upset would kill me someday and that I rly needed to stop

so I took that to heart and just. stopped caring

every time I whiffed it after that point, I was just like, “ah, well, what can ya do ¯|_(ツ)_/¯ ” this attitude definitely lowered my blood pressure, but it also rly killed my motivation to like... improve. b/c the thought of even trying to improve brought up all these feelings abt trying to meet my own standards of success, and how much it would hurt to fail

when u don’t set any standards u gotta meet, then when u fail u don’t rly fail, y’know? “well I didn’t even try, so it’s actually fine”

obviously I couldn’t give less of a shit abt golf anymore, but sometimes I wonder if my cold-turkey drop in confidence played a part in killing the interest itself? I know that sports and physical activity were never rly my thing in the first place, but did I perhaps give up so hard that I convinced myself that I didn’t even like those things in the first place?

I know it happened w/ academics at least: start to struggle with math? now I hate math. chemistry? that sucks too. etc etc

I kinda side-tracked here w/ all the talk of ‘gifted kid’ stuff, my point is that I have a vested interest in humbling myself-- to actively craft the persona of a meek, humble person

and I’ve been wondering if that, in and of itself, is manipulative. like, is it manipulative to let others think I rly lack THAT much in self-confidence? that I rly hate myself that much?

it certainly feels that way when I knee-jerk reject a compliment abt something I do, in fact, feel pride in-- when the shame at that pride is too much. but my friends don’t know it’s that reactive shame-- they think it’s that I rly don’t have confidence in that thing

but god, how do I even explain this fucking tangled, convoluted bullshit over my reaction to compliments? that I have to be small or I’ll hurt someone? that I do feel pride, and that’s the problem? what does that even MEAN to someone outside my own head??

and that’s not even to get into whether that manipulation is like, actually some subconscious tactic to get MORE compliments! am I fishing? when I make a post like this, am I actually just fishing for more compliments? is that what I’m doing??

I feel like I’m running in circles here, nipping at my own goddamned heels abt pride and shame and what is real and acting and does it even matter if nobody gets hurt?

do people get hurt? ppl get hurt when I allow myself pride, it’s happened before. but now I’m realizing that my self-hate may hurt ppl too-- my self-deprecation often goes too far, and it hurts the ppl who care abt me

how do I explain that self-deprecation is safe? a shield to hold back my pride? hell, it’s more accurate to say it’s a safe way to EXPRESS my pride in a way that ppl don’t detect. I acknowledge my faults, and if I frame it in a socially-acceptably comedic way, I get the pride of making someone laugh! it’s SAFE pride!

but is it? but is it, when it hurts ppl to hear me self-hate?

is there any way to feel pride safely?

I’ve never thought of myself as an actor, or as someone who can lie well (or at all). but can I lie, when I also believe the lie? is it a lie that I have anxiety? that I hate myself? that I have no confidence?

how much of me is real? how much does that hurt others? how do I carve out the parts of me that hurt others how do I make myself smaller in ways that are genuine and lasting and don’t hurt people??

I want to be small. I like being small. but am I small? or am I playing at being small?

I don’t know. I don’t know.

(cashing in on that safe comedic validation babeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)

[a-lveolate]

Wisdom Tooth Extraction Surgery

If ya’ all have been googling “wisdom tooth pain”, “wisdom tooth extraction experience”, “is it painful”. You came to the right place!! I did the same googling and found information that have been really helpful, and i just wanted to share my experience, in case u needed the extra info. (in details)

Background information 

I felt some pain at the right side of my jaw and told the GP clinic doctor, she did a thorough examination of my mouth and asked some questions and proceeded to make a referral letter to National Dental Centre. 

Had the referral letter appointment in early July 2017. due to busy schedule and exams in school, I kept “deferring” the appointment and pushing it to a later date. Finally in Oct 2017 I went for the appointment and by then the pain didn't even existed anymore. The doctor seems like a new university student, joke around and was friendly! Did an oral examination - he said there weren’t any infection, and couldn’t even see signs of any wisdom teeth HAHAHAHAHHAHA. then took an x-ray of my mouth so that he could see whether if it was impacted and may have impacted wisdom tooth complications in the future. My bottoms were impacted wisdom tooth and the upper would be ok. He said i could take it out early but at the moment i do not need to take it out yet. 

I didn’t want to “waste money” so i didn’t proceed with the procedure!!!!!!! AM I SMART?????? HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA NOPE.

Fast-forward to April 2018

Lying down in bed, eating bread, suddenly felt the pushing of the tooth on my right side???? freaking painful, i thought i was teething. I thought it was nothing, that the wisdom tooth was coming out of the gums???????? but seriously super painful. feels like a toothache. 

Mum called up the NDC clinic again, booked an appointment within 2 days. Went back to the clinic, different dentist this time round. 

“so you are 21, you are ready to make your own decisions huh?” 

“it seems a little infected around that area”

“i know u came back this time round is to make a decision whether u want to do the surgery anot, but it seems like u dont have a choice right now”

“the infection comes and go away, itd be better for you to remove it asap” 

“i can ask for an earlier surgery date for you because urs is an urgent case”

“is friday the 13th okay for you?” 

“you need to prioritize whether ur weekend plans are more important” 

are you sure u want to remove the teeth that are not impacted? just because you are removing those out of convenience” 

“patient has a small mouth, she is also dental phobic!” 

“do u need me to prescribe a stronger painkiller” 

ME: “dont worry, i can tolerate pain!” :D  

Dentist: *turns around and sly smile + wtf look “how ironic....”

So basically he flushed out the gum area, he said its gonna be alittle uncomfortable....... what a LIAR!!!!!!! hurts like shit. wanted to beat him up already. kidding. 

Had a syringe and blue solution to wash the gum area. 

Booked a surgery date on 18th April 2018.

The REAL DEAL! Surgery day 

So basically you can choose “local” anesthesia or general anesthesia. Duh! I chose general anesthesia because im a coward, i hate the tugging and drilling noises. I hate opening my mouth so widely and the smell of latex gloves. 

- Check into the day surgery hospital at 10am

- brought the necessary documents e.g. NRIC + medisave form 

- put on the hospital wristband tag for identity purposes

- nurse check for your temperature, blood pressure etc. (I had a low graded fever of 37.3 degree Celsius) 

- change into hospital gown. (remove ur bra + keep on ur panties)

- chill and rest in ur hospital bed!! (just chill and relax.....pretend its a resort cuz u pay money liao)

- wait

- waiting game

- the surgeon comes and explain to you the risk of complications, ask about your medical history, tells you what may go wrong during the surgery etc. Sign the consent form.

- waited until 2pm 

- another nurse comes and question you with a checklist. Make sure that you are the right person for the surgery, medical history, when the last time you ate, what is your weight. 

General Anesthetic “how it feels and how it works”

Basically, you lie down on the operating bed, your anesthesiologist will be your guardian angel. She makes small talks with you, check your weight, your medical history again, ask if you have done general anesthesia before in previous surgeries.. while the nurse would put on this electro pads on ur chest to monitor your vital signs. you hear beeping sounds because your heart is beating, if you dont hear it means u ded. 

then she proceeds to insert a cannula into your hand veins, poke twice, fails because my vein keeps collapsing hahahahaha, poke thrice on another stronger vein and she say sorry. and my hands kept shivering/shaking because the room was extremely coldddddd brrb.r.b.r.b.b.r.brrr...oh ya they brought in this machine that blows hot air because my blood pressure kept rising LOL and i was super cold. 

then the nurse places an oxygen mask over your face and ask you to breathe normally. and then your anesthesiologist will start injecting the sleeping drug to make u fall asleep and out. 

or or kun. 

unaware, state of blissfulness, peace, relaxed, composed, nothing, blank, darkness. this is probably one of the best time of your life because you are unconsciously alive and you are not dead either. 

2 hours of surgery feels like a 10 minute power nap!!!!!!! 

“the surgery is over” 

“do you know where you are?” 

“can u point to me where you feel pain at?” 

“points to throat” 

“oh its normal after surgery because we place a breathing tube after you sleep” 

inner head thoughts “shivers shivers” *can’t feel my legs* *wtf it fucking hurts in my mouth*

*im going to change the gauze for you, dont bite me arh! hahaha* 

OKAY super terrible writing but i am kinda tired of explaining hahha i hope that the information that i provided is useful and that you are entertained by my experience in the hospital. Feel free to drop me a DM or a message if you need to ask any questions!