#update also listened to ethel cain while editing and it also smacks

[w3bgrl]

universal deviation

synopsis: changbin and juyeon officially deny their dating rumors; now it’s time to talk about it privately.

date: april 5th 2019

era: miroh

word count: 2.3k

featuring: kang juyeon, seo changbin, jyp, bang chan

warnings: n/a, just angst! maybe hinted misogyny at the end?

a/n: lied in that ask lol merry binchumas to those who celebrate! ps this occurs after their music bank performance! also ummm calling jyp ‘jinyoung’ is so weirddd (°_°)

“so…i’m sure you both know why i called you in today,”

changbin and juyeon sat anxiously before their boss in the jyp entertainment conference room with sweaty palms, tongues nearly bitten in half as he spoke.

“but, i wanted to get on top of this issue before it could get too out of hand. especially since you’re in the same group. firstly, however,”

they swore they could guess what was coming next.

“congratulations on your first win yesterday!”

juyeon and changbin let out a breath they had been holding since the moment they entered the room and smiled with the relief of some weight being lifted from their chests, thanking him humbly in unison.

“i have high hopes for the future of stray kids.” jinyoung eye-smiled in the same kindred way he always did to make others feel more comfortable in his authoritative presence. “i believe your time to really shine will come sooner than later, and i look forward to watching you all grow as artists.”

his smile fell now, replaced with that stone cold expression they had become quite familiar with during their trainee days. “but, all of that starts with maintaining your images for the fans. so, i’d like to get a direct quote that explains the situation and clarifies the status of your relationship with one another.”

“before we begin,” jinyoung slid the notepad beside him closer to where he could write “i’ll remind you that the company dating policy states that romantic relationships are strictly prohibited for the first 3 years after debut. in your case, this will be in 2021. i think as idols, the first three to five years after debut should be focused purely on promoting. so, with that said, is there anything in particular you would like to be cited?”

for the first time since sitting down the accused pair now looked at one another with knowing eyes. it was a good thing they read each other better than jyp because obviously they saw right through the others feigned innocence. juyeon was the first to turn back to their boss, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before she spoke.

“um…i know to be more subtle showing affection to my members for the public eye, so i apologize for acting without thinking. i will be more careful with my actions moving forward.”

the older man nodded approvingly and began to transcribe her account on his notepad. at this same time, changbin nudged her foot with his own under the table, eyes meeting from the corners of their vision. his eyebrows just barely knitted together like he disapproved of what she said, and as jyp looked back up, juyeon shifted to cross her legs.

“so,” he sighed and clicked his pen a few times “i’m just gonna go right ahead and ask; are you two in a relationship?”

changbin was the one to speak this time. “no.” he said stolidly, his tone flat and almost disinterested. “we’re just friends.”

“close friends.” she added

there was a moment of scrutiny from the man across the table who stared at them with narrowed, unmoving eyes. to be completely fair, both of their answers did sound a little uncertain, like they weren’t on the same page about where they stood. yet, jinyoung simply nodded and jotted down their words.

“that is good to hear, teamwork is an important piece of the puzzle. i hope this incident won’t impact your friendship.”

it was a blessing their boss wasn’t paying them any mind when he said this. even the most oblivious person in the world could have noticed the thunderstorm that brewed between them, growling and snarling as lightning struck with his words. they shared another knowing glance.

the trip home was quiet.

changbin and juyeon walked side by side with an unfamiliar distance between them, sullen eyes wandering from the cold tile flooring every few seconds to get a glimpse of the other. neither dared to mention the dark clouds that hung over their heads and instead fell head first into the busy swirl of anxieties, only starting to get dizzy once they arrived at their front door. changbin prayed that someone - anyone - would be home to ease the aching tension between them but all hope was lost when he wiggled the handle to find it locked.

the younger boy sighed heavily as he fished in his pocket for the key and hurriedly unlocked the door, obviously frustrated and yet he still held it open for her.

once in the entryway they both turned away from one another to take their shoes off and throw their stuff down haphazardly by the door. from his spot on the ground to unlace his boots changbin could see juyeon face him for only a moment before she left to disappear around the corner of the living room, a heavy thud followed by a grumble echoing off the wooden floors. he finally worked the shoe off his heel and meekly followed after to find her slumped into the couch.

juyeon looked up at him through her dark lashes and, though her features were tainted with woe, she offered him a weak smile. changbin felt a kick to the chest and left a noticeable gap as he sat down beside her, his mannerisms and movements now much softer than just a few moments ago.

there was a good long pause where both of them searched for something to say. anything would have sufficed, honestly, because this melancholic silence was really starting to eat away at their shared sanity. or what little was left of it at this point.

“please say something.”

she’d never heard his voice so frail, so weak. like a child asking for reassurance that things were okay. and unfortunately, the older girl didn’t have anything reassuring to say. she opted for another approach instead.

“sorry for getting you caught up in all this.”

changbin habitually reached out to tuck the stray hairs behind her ear so he could see her face but decided against it halfway. he sat back. “it’s a two-way street, joong. you can’t take all the blame.”

“but i am to blame.” she hummed, her gaze everywhere but him “we wouldn’t be here if i just…didn’t do…what i did...”

“…ju.”

finally she looked back over at the delicate flower beside her who blinked away tears as he shifted in his seat. “i’m glad you did. if not i would’ve spent the rest of my life wondering what it would be like. whatever it—”

he stopped himself. he knew what it was. they both did. and it was a part of the past now, there was no point in weaseling around anymore. still, he couldn’t put the word to it.

“—it was nice. and for what it’s worth, i wouldn’t change anything. if given another chance i’d do it all again. i’d rather die at your hands than never have felt them at all.”

she couldn’t help but smile at his words. he was always so poetic.

“you’re really special, you know that? i don’t know if anyone’s ever told you. i don’t know if i ever told you. but i hope you know. there is no one else in the world that even comes close.”

while the older girl rarely allowed her painful emotions to be shown in front of anyone else, changbin was someone who wore his heart on his sleeve - feelings displayed before him for anyone to bear witness. so when he finally gave up on fighting the tears and let them fall in thick streams down his cheeks that met at the scar on his chin, juyeon had to look away.

“don’t do that.” her voice was shaky as she nudged him with her foot “i’m not going anywhere — neither are you. i’ll be right here for a long time.”

he finally broke his gaze from her figure to wipe his wet face. “i know - i just…i just wish things were different. i don’t want this chapter to be over yet.”

there was a beat before her response.

“i’ll keep the corner folded on your page.”

her words resonated a bittersweet song that played on his heartstrings and when he was finally able to convince himself to look back over at the close friend beside him, there was already that familiar doting smile on her lips. he could feel his eyes getting wet again as she reached out to wipe the overlooked tear on his cheek and, for the first time, her touch left a sting.

“i know your feelings are locked up tight and all but…” he winced “how are you so okay?”

juyeon took a deep breath, subconsciously self-soothing. “i have to be. at least on the outside.”

“you can’t keep that up forever”

“it won’t be forever. just for…” her comforting smile became muddled as the timeline began to unfold before her “…for a while.” she said. her mouth tasted bitter.

he wanted to refute her claims - to tell her that it was okay to show them (him) how she really felt, especially in the privacy of their own dorm. but as he took just a second longer to think about it, he realized she was right. they weren’t just automatically in the clear once the statement came out, and though he’d certainly have to make some adjustments, juyeon especially would be scrutinized far worse than he ever would. or any other member for that matter. it happened before for less. he just couldn’t stop wishing that things were different; the people and the standards and their boss and —

“hey,”

her soft hum pulled him from the spiral.

“one day we’ll look back and laugh about this. and things will be different, but it’ll be okay. it is okay.”

changbin caught her fingers to pull her hand away from his cheek, deciding instead to cherish how perfectly the puzzle pieces of their palms fit together just one more time. he watched his thumb trace over the tattoo on the back of her hand and spoke so softly it was almost like he didn’t want her to hear him.

“i’ll ache over you until then.”

juyeon gave his hand a squeeze, and in that soft voice he used to adore, she put the final nail in the coffin that sealed their fate. maybe it was cruel of her; finally putting a word to it now of all times. but to her it was more like a secret message to the universe. like folding the corner of a page to revisit it later.

“the love isn’t going anywhere, bin. it’ll always be here.”

without the context she kept hidden inside, her original theory was correct; it was cruel. and her choice of words hit him like a truck. though he’d never been stabbed before, changbin could imagine that it felt pretty similar to this. and just as the tears began to fall again, there was a commotion on the other side of the room.

the pained pair whipped their heads in horror to see what it was - who had just stumbled upon something they definitely shouldn’t have - only to find chan waddling out of his room, eyes bleary with sleep. his hair stuck up in all places and as his focus zeroed-in on the recently accused chan was quickly brought back to reality.

“hey — are you okay? the meeting?”

changbin still hadn’t gotten past that word yet; love. it rang in his ears like his morning alarms, jarring and above all else, frustrating. that just left juyeon to handle the damage control and thankfully she was quick to jump into action.

“meeting went fine, binnie just felt bad i got in trouble.” she feigned nonchalance and fluffed his hair while he wiped his tears “but it’s okay, nothing’s changing and there should be a statement soon.”

changbin sniffled and plastered on a weak smile with a thumbs up to help the cause. it seemed to work as chan nodded with a yawn.

“well, i’m glad it went well. sorry you got in trouble, biya.”

she stood with a shrug, finally leaving the younger boys’ side to lighten the tension she felt with a joke as she grabbed a drink from the fridge. “it’s fine. just can’t be friends with my friends on camera, that’s all.”

chan chuckled dryly, “you’re funny, but that actually makes me very sad.”

“want a hug?” she offered over her shoulder as she unscrewed the lid.

“of course!”

the leader (who seemed like both the oldest and the maknae at times) giggled and happily bounced over to her, arms wrapping around her waist to lift her off her feet in a tight bear hug. he made incomprehensible squeaky noises as she wheezed and set her back down with a pat on the head.

juyeon laughed breathlessly as a result of having all the oxygen squeezed from her lungs. “better?”

“for now.” chan beamed. the chirp! of a twitter notification made his phone vibrate in his pocket and upon checking it he looked back to changbin, tears gone but the emotion still prevalent. “the rest of the boys should be bringing food home soon and then we’re going to the studio. you guys coming?”

both parties hummed in response.

he nodded and began to backpedal toward the bathroom. “kay, then i’m gonna go take a quick shower before i have to fight for it.”

“don’t slip!” juyeon called after him

“we’ll see!”

chan entered the bathroom and made sure to lock it behind him before looking in the mirror to find the natural perplexed expression he had been biting back. did they think they were slick? juyeon and changbin may have been able to fly under the radar to their boss, but really, how could they ever deceive someone who knew them as well as chan did?