#up? i probably dpnt need help right? its not like im gonna kill myself soon. hell i even quit cutting. im probably just a liar. sorry.
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fuck im just so goddamn tired of hearing the same words everyday repeated in my head over and over again.
"I fuckin hate you J, i hope you know this" etc. every damn day. i just want it to shut up, or for them to just fucking say it at this point.
#j’s a bloody mess#whenever im having a day that isnt completely bad my brain decides to mimic what it thinks other ppl think abt me#spesifically my best friend. in which is the person im most anxious ant losing.#somwtimes i really wonder if its my own thoughts or them repating it in their own head and im somehow hearing it.#which sounds really unrealistic but. idk we sorta have a mental bluetooth connection so it isnt an unrealistic thought to me#(i dont have the energy to explain the bluetooth thing.)#chat can you be delusional and self aware of it?#or at least mildly self aware? gewsnkg this srsly makes me question my mental health but at the same time. im probably just lying to myself#to wallow in self pity even though i try my best to not express any of it.#recently its been a reoccouring thought that im just completely normal and ive managed to trick myself into feeling physical and mental pai#for self/pity. and tbh i literally dont know how wrong that is.#like its mostly abt the idea of getting therapy. or really help in general. what if im just normal and imaging all my issues or playing the#up? i probably dpnt need help right? its not like im gonna kill myself soon. hell i even quit cutting. im probably just a liar. sorry.
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