#until you start slapping and punching and clawing at eachother

[lewdmutt]

fighting that leads to sex when fighting that leads to sex WHENNNNN???????????

[poppy-metal]

poppy i feel like steve is the type of guy who gets off on you telling him you love him,,especially since nance gave him that whole “bullshit” speech about their relationship and how she never loved him :((( he would just want to hear it for reassurance that he is lovable and not just a boyfriend you have to pass time until “the one” shows up

“tell me you love me” he’s panting, you can tell from his twitching cock that he’s seconds away from exploding inside of you “i love you..i love you so much steve” you sound so genuine, your tone is soft but desperate. you need him to know that he’s it for you “it will only ever be you steve, i love you i love you i love you” he dips his head down to yours placing a sweet, loving kiss on your parted lips while he’s gripping onto the headboard in front of him “fuck baby— i love you” he gives the heartwarming phrase back to you before slowly stilling to let himself go “so good to me” between the sound of his pillow talk, your moans and small pants, you find it hard to hold onto the burning sensation in the pit of your stomach any longer. you pulse tightly around him riding out your orgasms together before he collapses next you pushing stray hairs behind your ears and promising to take care of you forever

oh god yeah :(

its like his kryptonite. hips slamming into yours like he wants to punch the words from your lips. words you'd always give willingly, they're just hard to claw up your throat with how hard hes pounding you into his bed. making the headboard clash into the wall, making your feet bounce by his head where your legs are thrown around his broad tan shoulders.

you try for him anyway. trying to roll your eyes from where they'd dissappeared into your skull from him hitting that spot over and over.

"love you." you gasp. "steve, i love you. oh god-"

makes him buckle down over you and devour your lips, cage you in with his big body as he drives in and in and in, heavy balls slapping your ass. your lips sliding against eachother as you pant and gasp, "love you too." kisses rain down all over your face, cheeks, chin, nose, neck, he keeps his mouth there, mouthing over your pulse. "love you so fucking much."

you'd always thought making love was something vanilla and boring, but. steve had proven that very much otherwise. you'd never felt so ripped open and pieced back together than you do right now, clinging to him as you moan your sweet words to eachother, bodies slapping lewdly, climbing to your peak.

"Inside me." you hear yourself whine, hands sliding down his flexing back, trying to hold on. "please. i want it."

he lets out a broken moan into your throat, hands gripping your hips to keep you still and pinned. starts giving it to you even harder if thats even possible. It is.

"s'yours, baby. gonna- fuck- gonna give you all my cum. gonna give my baby allll my fucking- cum."

[sevendeadlymorons]

I'm gonna hate myself for this.

An male mc that is fucking Diavolo into the mattress and lucifer rings Diavolo asking where he is. And mc won't let him hang up the phone so Diavolo is on call with lucifer trying to explain why he isn't there. And just when he thinks he's done Diavolo let's out a loud ass moan and they hear the beep on the phone as lucifer hangs up.

What have I done....

Told ya I’d do this next ;)

Unwanted Phone Call

Pairing: Diavolo x M!MC

Words: 1,041

NSFW // Smut // Vulgar Language

———————————

It all really started with a kiss. You and Diavolo had recently confessed to eachother after sharing your first kiss and your sex lives couldn’t have been more steamy. You two’ve making love every day for the past week, the room practically stinking of sex and cum by now. But that never really mattered. Not to Diavolo at lest. All that mattered to him was if your cock was shoved up his ass or not. He loves the feeling of you inside of him. Your hands clawing his back and your grip on his ass as you pound into him mercilessly; the way you leave his hole sore and his legs numb afterwards and all the prominent hickeys you leave on him. He’s found to enjoy you topping him and wouldn’t want it any other way.

It was just another one of those days really. Him pinned down to the bed with his legs on your shoulder, your dick shoved deep inside of him while he moaning in pleasure, the bed creaking from the force. He’s finished off all his work for the day and he didn’t have any expectated phone calls coming in any time soon, so when his D.D.D begins to ring, Lucifer’s name displayed in the screen, it surprises you both. You look down at him, your cock still rammed inside of him as the phone continues to ring. He was about to push you off but all of a sudden, you rolled him over and pinned him down onto his hands and knees, spreading his legs out slowly with your knee. You quickly press the answer button and put him on speaker, nudging him to respond.

“Yes, hello?” He speaks quietly, whimpering as you slide in and out of him gradually, your hand caressing his nipples and between his thighs.

“Diavolo. Where are you?” You see his head hit the pillow. He must’ve forgotten he agreed to meet up with him after getting distracted by you. You smirk and place a kiss to his spine, feeling him shudder underneath you.

“Ah, I apologise, Lucifer. Something came up suddenly and turns out I can’t attend tonight...” He managed to choke out with your hand pressed to his groin teasingly and your dick buried deep inside his quivering hole.

“What came up? Are you alright?” You hear him ask suspiciously through the phone.

“No no it’s nothing, I’m fi-“ You suddenly thrust into him mid-sentence, causing him to make a strange noise and cut off. He bites his lip, embarrassed as your hand starts to pump at his cock while fucking him slowly. You plant a kiss to his neck and tell him quietly to keep taking.

“Are you... sure? You don’t sound too good” His voice sounds concerned from the other end of the phone, an awkward pause between words as he’s trying to figure out what the hell could’ve been so important for him to skip.

“Sorry, yes, I’m ok. Just a bit busy right now” He pants, obviously near his limit. Your hand continues to travel down his body, settling at his hips as you thrust into him, harder this time, a silent slapping noise audible to you both, but possibly not to Lucifer. Yet...

“Busy doing what? Just tell me and I’ll leave you to it, my lord” You can already imagine how red his cheeks are from that question as they’re pressed to the pillow. How could he possibly tell him that he’s currently got his ass up in the air pressed to your crotch and is getting pounded into the bed until he’s left with his legs quivering and his cock drilling with pre-cum? You kiss his neck, your strokes becoming faster. He puts his hand over his mouth so Lucifer can’t hear him through the phone, but the sounds you two were making were now very evident and even Lucifer could hear them by this point.

“Diavolo are you sure you’re ok? I can hear a strange noise in the background...?” He grips the pillow tightly, a few stray moans escaping, muffled against his hand. You were fucking into him mercilessly now, your grip on his ass tight so that little nail marks are left all over. You lift him up by his hair and whisper to continue in the ear, giving him a long kiss before letting go and allowing him to respond.

“It’s nothing! I’m just with MC right now!” You hear him sigh through the phone, obviously quite annoyed he’s avoided meeting with him to go see you again. You laugh under your breath and grip his thigh, burying yourself deeper inside of him and jacking him off at the same time, enjoying the distressed, overstimulated look on his face as he attempts to respond.

“I guess I’ll let you two get on with whatever you were up then. But tell me in advance next time!” He says, annoyed with the prince’s antics once again.

“Yes, of course! Thank you, Lucifer.” He spits out, out of breath and overly stimulated. Holding back so many moans; you’d think as soon as it ends, he’d be begging for you to let him cum and scream your name.

“Alright then. See you tomorrow-” You couldn’t help yourself, you thrusted yourself into him, punching his nipples so that a loud moan ripped from Diavolo’s throat, his hand immediately clasping over his mouth as you hear the line hang up. You wasted no time of flipping him back over and leaning down to kiss him, exploring his mouth with your tongue as you jerk him off and fuck him harder and faster until he’s crying out for you, your name coming out in moans and groans until he couldn’t speak any longer.

He finishes, his cum shooting onto his stomach while you empty yourself inside of him, the excess leaking out you scoop up and offer it to his mouth to lick clean. His cheeks were red raw and his eyes were rolled back; his legs twitching and dick drenched in his own semen. You lower yourself down onto him, watching him hide his face in his hands as he realises what he’s done.

Meeting Lucifer the next day couldn’t have been more awkward-

[dragonquesttbh]

Perfect Aim

For @nedrynwrites and @omgitsaddyc !! (no spoilers)

7. Trying to remember how that inside joke got started

Sylv swiped at the enemy with his sword, narrowly missing his target by a hair's breadth.

"Ooh, somebody needs to work on their aim," Erik cooed, elbowing El's ribs with a smirk.

El snorted, bringing a palm to his face. He tried to steady the trembling hand grasping his sword, failing miserably when he spluttered and it shook wildly. His eyes met Erik's mischievous gaze again and he dropped his sword, slapping a palm to his knee as he shook with laughter.

Erik watched on fondly as the Luminary of Legends was reduced to a giggling teenager, unable to hide his wide grin splitting up his face. That was exactly how El should be, Erik reckoned, a happy kid enjoying his adolescence. Something he'd been much more able to enjoy when it was just the two of them, fumbling about in their tent, their home, and finding eachother under the stars.

Something abruptly taken from them as soon as the twins arrived. All they had now were these precious, rare moments... Or the occasional handjob in the stream.

Erik felt his chest swell with pride as El's face creased as another wave of giggles overtook him.

His mouth went dry.

He thought of other times that he'd caused El's face to screw up like that, losing himself to images of sending his partner over the edge and–

An animal hunger took over.

He battled the urge to grab a handful of that soft hair and crush their mouths together, slide his hands up his duster, mark a possessive trail across his neck and, and–

He barely registered the sabrecat swing at him.

A burst of flames.

He jumped and glanced towards the source of the fire.

"You IDIOTS! You could have got yourselves KILLED!" Veronica cried, sharp elbows pointing outwards as she shoved her hands to her hips. She stared at him with piercing eyes, fire on the tip of her tongue.

Erik shrugged and cast a casual look over at El, who was panting for breath, face pink with laughter. He caught Erik's eye then sniggered uncontrollably, tumbling back onto the soft grass as he cackled.

Veronica stormed over to him, jabbing an accusatory finger towards his chest. "And what exactly is so funny, young man?!"

El glanced back up at Erik and snorted loudly.

Veronica growled and stared back up at Erik.

Erik held his palms up in surrender. "Sheesh! Don't look at me like that! S'not my fault I'm so darn hilarious."

"Hm! Well, save your hilarious jokes until after battle next time. Unless, of course, you want the Luminary to die because of your idiocy!"

Erik's chest tightened unbearably. He clawed the back of his hair as he looked to the ground.

He hated that she was right.

He'd failed in his Luminary protecting duties. It was selfish to distract him during battle just to earn one of his winning smiles.

Without El he was nothing, a shadow without light. A broken half.

And, well, Erdrea would be doomed.

"Veronica!" Serena squealed excitedly, crouching in the undergrowth. "Oh look! Aren't these violets awfully similar to the ones growing in Arboria?"

"Coming, Serena." Veronica scowled and pointed a V-sign at her eyes then the two messy boys in front of her.

El bit his lip as he tried to withhold another snigger, palm shielding his face.

Sylv sheathed his sword and narrowed his eyes at Erik. "I need to work on my aim..?" he said sceptically.

"Oh, um, yeah coz one time..." Erik furrowed his brow and reached out his palms to El, who gratefully took them and hauled himself up. His heart fluttered as El's hands fell from his grip.

Erik's eyes flitted down as El stretched his arms above his head, sneaking a appreciative glance at what little he could see through El's duster. He laughed, holding a hand to his mouth as he noticed large clumps of grass seed stuck to his behind.

"Oh, babe, you got a little..." Erik tutted and dropped to his knees.

El's legs trembled as Erik knelt behind him and tugged a clump of seeds out from the fabric, fingers lingering a little longer than necessary.

Sylv chuckled and tapped his foot against the ground. "I'm waiting."

Erik hummed thoughtfully, pulling out another particularly stubborn grass seed. "Oh, coz... We were fightin' monsters, or somethin'?" He lifted his head to look up at El's face. "Wait, you remember how this started?"

El looked back at Erik's knelt figure and shook his head quickly, suspiciously quickly, cheeks flushing a deeper shade of pink. He swiftly averted his gaze, eyes darting to the floor.

Erik stroked him over the fabric, searching for further grass seeds, then gave him a stealthy pinch– just out of Sylv's eyeline.

A muffled squeal.

Erik grinned evilly, then stood up and brushed grass off his knees. He shrugged in Sylv's direction. "I dunno... it's just somethin' we say when one of us misses in battle. Not really sure how it started, I guess it's some kinda tradition."

"Yeah, t-tradition!" El piped up, blush somehow deepening even further.

Sylv rolled his eyes affectionately. "Okay, sweetie, if you say so. Just try not to distract eachother so much in the next battle, mm-kay?"

Erik put a hand to his hip. "Uh, well tell that to silky locks over there with his distracting hair blowing in the–" His gaze darted between them. "I mean, c-coz you've got such a stupid haircut."

El gave him a playful shove. "Shuddup. You love my hair."

I love you, I love you–

Erik pushed him back. "Uh, in your dreams, bowlcut boy!"

Sylv hummed and pressed a finger to his lips. "I think I'll leave you two to it."

Before Erik could protest, Sylv was skipping towards Serena, who was now proudly clutching a small bunch of violets.

El plucked a daisy from the ground and tucked it behind Erik's ear. "I felt that, y'know. Very naughty." He flashed Erik what could only be described as a scheming little shit grin, then ran over to the others.

Erik growled, gathering all the restraint in Erdrea to stop himself from shoving El down into the wildflowers and smacking him into oblivion.

...

Erik stared into the white hot centre of the campfire, an entirely different heat consuming him– one hotter than any flame.

He groaned and forced his eyes shut, fighting every impulse in his body to run over to El and drag him away– to the nearest field, hill, beach, he didn't care. He just needed to feel his touch, his kisses, his whispered comforts.

El's skin on his.

Something still not possible while surrounded by their painfully oblivious friends.

He kicked at an offending stone.

There was a scuffle to his left.

"You okay?" Jade asked quietly, crossing her legs next to him.

Erik nodded weakly, tilting his head towards her. His gaze remained downcast, resting just below her chin, unable to meet hers in case his eyes betrayed him.

"I can see where your eyes are going, you know?" Jade prodded, punching his arm lightly.

Erik jolted. It was then, he realised, to his horror, just where his eyes had been sitting on Jade's halter neck. The memory of the Octagonia arena stung across his face, old bruises re-emerging. He really didn't want to receive another pounding like that.

He frantically waved his hands in front of his face and leant away from her. "No, no, no! I wasn't eyein' you up or nothin'... Swear! Uh, not that I'm sayin' that you're not pretty, uh, you are, you're smokin', b-but I'm not into tits... Or women! Heh." He held his hands in front of his face and winced, eyes tightly shut.

"Finally, he admits it!" Veronica announced, honouring him with a slow clap.

Erik peeked through his fingers, noticing Jade chuckling gently, evidently amused by his outburst.

"Don't stress, honey. We're all very proud of you for feeling comfortable enough to share that with us–"

Erik groaned and hid his face in his hands, blocking out the rest of Sylv's congratulatory speech.

Jade laughed and thumped his back with a fist. "I didn't mean me, you idiot," she whispered, "I meant that."

She nodded towards El– bent over the forge, stripped of his duster, turtleneck sticking to his sweat slick muscles, face tightly screwed up in concentration–

Erik huffed out a nervous laugh and frantically scratched at the back of his head, flickering his gaze to the ground.

Then it hit him like a club to the head. Of course.

He leapt to his feet. "Hey, EL! El, El, El! I remember!" he yelled, grinning wildly.

El pushed himself to his feet, brushing soot from his knees. The forge hammer remained clasped in his right hand. "Remembered what, sweetheart?"

Sweetheart. How their relationship had escaped these idiots still baffled him.

"The thing! The thingy thing!" Erik ran an ecstatic hand through his hair, pulse racing. "We were in the Kingsparrow, you had me over the altar, and you couldn't find my spot so I said– Oh!" He jumped back and held a hand over his mouth.

All those sleepless nights pressed up against El had really taken their toll.

El let out a muffled cry as the hammer came crashing down on his foot.

"The Kingsparrow? Isn't that some nasty ass ancient tomb?" Sylv poked, failing to suppress a giggle.

Jade wolf whistled, the sound interrupted by her own laugh.

Erik was sure there were some other noises, ones his brain couldn't process as he was overcome with a crippling embarrassment.

He pulled an arm over his face, screwing his eyes shut. "Don't look at me..."

Veronica snorted loudly.

Erik's knees quivered, one embarrassing thought away from buckling right from underneath him.

He gasped as strong arms wrapped around him, soothing lips finding his forehead. His tremors calmed against El's firm, but gentle grip, sword calloused fingertips grazing his scalp. Erik melted into him, allowing El to hold him up as his legs turned to jelly.

El brushed his lips against Erik's cheek. "I'm glad you blurted that out, my love, because that means now we can do this." He hoisted him up by his hips and brought Erik's head down to his, mouths clashing messily with repressed want... need.

Erik wrapped his legs around El's waist and held their lips together, relishing the feel of El's hands on his hips, holding him. "You're not mad at me?" he whispered, voice coming out as a small whimper.

El's mouth pulled down at the corners. "I could never be mad at my perfect, gorgeous thief. In fact, I'm very, very happy with him."

El tossed him up in his arms and Erik giggled and squirmed, clinging onto his neck for dear life despite knowing El would never drop him. El cradled him in his arms then sank to the floor, planting sloppy kisses all over his neck.

Erik sighed and leant into his touch.

"Hi everyone, this is my boyfriend Erik, and we once had terrible sex in an ancient tomb. But I still love him all the same." He kissed the side of Erik's face.

Rab chuckled heartily and slapped his knee. "Och! That's my grandson!"

Sylv and Jade exchanged an enthusiastic high five.

"Congratulations!" Serena said sunnily, voice brimming with glee.

Erik pouted and puffed his cheeks out. "Ugh, gay."

El kissed the corner of his mouth. "I hate to break it to you, but you're gay, sweet pea."

"Oh, so you're using vegetable names for me now, huh?" Erik said grouchily, trying to hide his grin.

"It's a flower, my love. But I can call you veggie names too... Like pumpkin. My sweet little funny coloured pumpkin." He giggled and pressed their cheeks together.

Sylv clasped his hands together. "Well, aren't you gonna say it back, sweetie? Tell your country boy how lovey dovey you are over him?"

Erik scrunched his nose, sticking his lower lip out even further. "Nope. Not unless I want my dick sucked."

El scoffed and prodded his cheek. "What a rude, grumpy pumpkin!"

Erik grinned and cast him a sly glance. "Mm, okay, maybe I do want–" He shifted to straddle El's lap, grasping his chin and planting greedy kisses all over his face. "I love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love..."

El giggled and squashed Erik's cheeks between his palms. "Stop it. Stop being so naughty."

"Make me."

And El did, grasping a handful of blue and pulling Erik's lips to his. Erik sighed into his mouth, feeling the warm caress of El's hands on his back.

Veronica leant forward on her log. "So you're saying, this entire time you've been together?"

"Yup," Erik said smugly, resting his head on El's shoulder and curling into his loving embrace.

His. His Luminary.

"Well, you better not have done anything in our tent," she muttered, lip curling.

Erik bit back a snigger and glanced up at his partner. "Well there was this one time where we did but somebody made a mess everywhere and I ended up going down to the river in the middle of the night to wash–"

El swiftly tugged Erik's hood up over his face, grasping his cheeks through the fabric. "Shush, naughty pumpkin, that's enough spilling for one day."

Erik giggled and took El's hand in his. "And that's exactly what I said when you–"

[closemyeyesforgood]

Growing up.

When I was very little, I don't have any particularly bad memories, other than being beaten up by my brothers (not badly, just maybe a bit rougher than necessary), or dad screaming so loud we had to cover our ears. I was attacked by a few dogs, a few cats, snakes, turtles etc. Regular life stuff for a 90's kid I guess.

When I was about 4, my mother's mother would take me every weekday. She must have hated kids because she would confine me to the living room with her cigarette rollers and that was what I was allowed to play with. I wasn't allowed to speak or come into the kitchen where she was, because she was smoking. She was always mean and short with me, and passed away when I was 7. My grandfather on that side passed shortly after, I remember him being nice, but I don't remember him being around much.

At this point I had already nearly died of a drug overdose on my mother's medication, almost drown at a horse show, and nearly suffocated during an athsma attack. My babysitter had thrown me down the stairs so I would "understand why it was so dangerous". And we also had a housefire, which the local fire department didn't believe, so we had to call the next town over. All before I turned 5.

So I start school. People are alright, I'm still assuming people are nice until they decide to be mean, silly me. I was a cute kid, but unfortunately it only brought me trouble. Girls wanted nothing more than to claw my skin and pull my hair. Boys only wanted to pick on me, push me into the mud, and throw rocks at me. It was hard to make friends, but I never stopped trying.

I did end up with a group of friends eventually, my best friends were these two girls, and we had 3 others that would also join us. One of these girls unfortunately had a much rougher home life than me and was pretty fucked up. Her Mom and my mom were best friends, and I would see them almost every day.

I've never felt closer to someone than I did to this girl. Unfortunately that is how people can make you feel when they want to use you. And yes even at such a young age, kids know how to use eachother. She manipulated me into doing things for her, stealing things, breaking things, saying things, etc.

Then she moved away, but I would still visit here and there, though I started becoming my own person again.

When I was about 8, my brother decided to go to the pond to catch frogs. I of course wanted to go. He said if I can find a jar to put the frogs in, I could come too. He left while I was looking for it of course. I grabbed a huge glass Mason jar to put the frogs in then jumped on my bike and tore towards the pond. I saw a car coming so I waited, but then when they passed I booked it across the street, not realizing cars come from both directions. I got hit. He was going 80 in a 50. I went in the air, did a flip, and landed right on my ass. Not a fucking scratch, glass jar unbroken.

It was a miracle honestly, if I had landed any other way, there was a chance I would have broken something or got that jar lodged into an organ or some shit. This was not long after my 8th birthday.

That same year, I found out my spine was twisted and I would need to wear a back brace indefinitely. That really helped me make friends, I thought they were going to bully me to death.

When I was 9, things got very different. My alcoholic, abusive father started beating me. He only beat my brothers, and my mom before, but I started annoying him with my "stupid questions" and crying.

He didn't do it often, because each time my mother would threaten to leave, but it took a lot of effort for him to stop. He switched from slapping to squeezing in hopes it wouldn't be as "bad". He was already very verbally abusive, and was essentially a tyrant with all of us. If we ever did something wrong, even by a little bit, the rest of the day would be filled with screaming and beratement. This encouraged our mom to have lots of people over all the time, because he was always a jolly guy when people were over.

When I told my teacher she said "it's not nice to tell lies" and very firmly gripped my arm and made me sit in detention. A week later CPS was called because my friends mom gave me his hand me down snowsuit. They assumed my mother was neglecting me, since I didn't have my own snowsuit. But my dad beating me? Ridiculous.

This teacher was horrible, would single me out in class, and encourage other students to pick on me and be abusive because I "needed to learn to have fun like the rest of the kids".

This same teacher would condone sexual assault from the boys in my class, and ripping my hair out and cutting me from the girls. She thought it was annoying that I "didn't appreciate the attention" and complained about "every little thing" and would often bruise me with pinching or squeezing my arm. She was horrible, and I don't know why she was like this. But I'll never forget the bitch.

So I'm 10 now. I've punched and kicked enough of the boys they stopped lifting up my skirt and grabbing my chest and ass. Threatening them with a knife might have helped too, who knows, I kind of took matters in my own hands when the teachers wouldn't listen.

This year, my best friend also moved back into town, so I felt like I had someone again. My other friends had already started joining the other kids in picking on me and hurting me physically. But this girl was always interested in only me. Maybe because she really did love me, or because I was easily manipulated. Maybe both. But either way I wasn't alone anymore, and I was so happy she was back. I did anything and everything for her.

This was also the year my dad met another woman. He was always a dog, but I never saw him LITERALLY turn into a puppy for someone. He moved her in, started an affair. We all had to cater to her and her son, or dad would lose his fucking mind.

Our Christmas and Easter were written off because he spent all of his money on this woman, and her son. Even paying for a portion of her trip out west where she was moving to, to be with her fiance.

My mom was completely fed up and told Dad he needed to leave. So over the next several months he basically just drank and screamed and packed his things. At this time mom also met someone. A man who moved into an apartment next door. They fell inlove immediately, and there I was, without my mom or my dad, and my brothers never wanted anything to do with me.

My mom, fearing for my safety due to my dad being super angry about moving out, started taking me to that friends place for several nights a week. At first it was amazing. All this time with my best friend, sleepovers, makeup, ghost stories, witchy stuff, you name it. It was awesome.

But then things began to turn. I knew about homosexuality, but not much, and honestly didn't realise you could know so young. But she then started being very affectionate, more and more, holding hands, cuddling, kissing... She then started becoming sexually abusive with me. I didn't like it, I hated it. I became afraid of her, but also dependant on her to feel safe or loved. She would mentally abuse me so I would do what she wanted, and at such a young age I really just didn't know how to process it or defend myself. She told me if I told anyone, her dad would murder us both, I believed her, her dad was way worse than mine.

This went on for a few months, and one day we ended up watching porn. Hey older siblings were watching and got us to watch too. She had already seen it a bunch apparently. The problem was this have her ideas, and she decided to get her brother involved. This went on for another few months until my dad moved out and my mom had a fight with my friends parents because of something that I can't recall.

It is unfortunate that this happened to me, but it happened and I'm still here. It didn't really hit me until a year or so later when I was into Junior high.

So I'm 11 now. I've been told I need to have spinal surgery before my 12th birthday. There is a 5% chance I will become paralyzed from the waist down. So my mom is terrified naturally. They say I need a blood donor, my dad is in Alberta, and my brother is kicking up a fuss about having to be on standby in case I need blood. He was hoping he could hang with his friends instead.

My mom's new boyfriend moves in. With his rules and restrictions on me and my mom. He became the new tyrant. He wasn't an alcoholic, he want physically abusive. But he was controlling and definitely was generous with the drugs and alcohol.

I have a few months to go before the big day. But those months have a lot of appointments. I missed a lot of school, but always got my work done. I was very vocal, and contrary with the teacher we had, because she was almost an exact repeat of the previous teacher I mentioned. Only she was all about verbal abuse, not physical. Singling me out. Making an example of me, making fun of me, encouraging other students to do the same. I called everyone out on everything but it was futile. I didn't know gaslighting and invalidation were things yet, so I eventually just believed them. Again thinking people were nice and honest unless they had a good reason not to be, I just eventually figured I deserved it.

I made a close friend, coincidentally with the same name as my previous friend. Turns out they were very similar, they saw they could manipulate and use me. And they very much did so. I became dependant on her. My mom was virtually ignoring me at this point because she had a new man to give all of her attention to, so naturally I was feeling alone and unloved yet again.

This friend manipulated me into doing many things for her and being a part in many schemes that I was ignorant to. I opened up to her a lot about my life because I thought she cared, but she just needed it as ammunition to keep control over me. I was hooked and we stayed friends for many years. More about that later.

So I have my surgery. I have to learn to walk again, and I didn't end up needing a transfusion, so a big huge win. Not paralyzed, no more back brace, didn't lose any blood, feeling like a rock star. Got drives to school and people to carry my books every day for to weeks was pretty awesome too. Until it wasn't.

My teacher immediately began berating me, telling me I would never amount to anything. Because I missed time for my surgery, I was definitely going to fail. Depending on others to carry my books was weak and pathetic. I was stupid, worthless, a waste of space. It was like her and my mom's boyfriend were exchanging notes or something. She was wretched, and was even more angry when the school asked me to present a donation to the hospital that did my surgery. She thought that was ridiculous and would "go to my head".

Finally the year was over, and I could go and be with my grandmother on my father's side all summer. Normally I would only be there for a few weeks, but she saw what life was like for me at home and wanted me to be with her all summer. If it wasn't for those Summers, I don't think I would have been able to handle all of this alone.

So I'm 12 now. Started my period, going through puberty, living on poverty, still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to act. Good behaviour breeds hate and jealousy, bad behaviour breeds punishment and cruelty. It was confusing. But my teacher this time was one of the kindest people I've ever met.

Over the summer my mom and her boyfriend got pretty comfortable with a house that didn't have a young girl living in it. So they had a lot of his friends over. He was a "retired" gangster, so I'm sure you can guess what kind of friends he had over all the time. There was alcohol and drugs around constantly. People fighting, people fucking, injecting heroin, snoring cocaine, blowing smoke in every direction including my face. The only person who ever said shit about it was one of my brothers, and my stepdad would just reward him in ways that would make him "forget about it and have fun with us" because he was a boy. I wasn't really a person, neither was mom, we were women.

I would come to school traumatized from witnessing people having sex on our kitchen table, or putting needless in their veins, and not sleeping because they blasted music until 4am so loud I couldn't hear myself scream. Also all the men I would find passed out, outside my bedroom door... The first few times I didn't have a lock, but someone would always catch them before they got under the covers. One of them was too drink to get passed to doorway and I woke up to them passed out with their pants down right beside my bed.

When things started to settle down and my mom's boyfriend started seeing me as a human being, he started to get protective. Which was better than before, but still wasn't ideal. I still feared him, and became powerless, afraid, alone. I didn't have any positive attention in my life, and him becoming protective was both good and bad. More rules, more restrictions.

One day, a man came to visit with his girlfriend. I was practicing on my grandmother's keyboard, and he came in to see me. Sat beside me and asked me to play him another song. So I did. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. Telling me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and he wants me to come over and play the piano for him this weekend.

Excited for this kindness, I said "of course!" Since they only lived a few doors down. I was used to adults telling me I was beautiful, and asking me to play the keyboard, so I guess this didn't alarm any bells for me. My stepdad came in, asked the man to step outside, and for me to go to my room. I heard yelling and then them leaving shortly after.

I found out later that he got his ass fucking beat. As did all the men who tried to come into my room. This 45 year old man, in front of his girlfriend, my mother, and my now stepdad, was clearly trying to lure me into his house so he could take me. His girlfriend was the first to point this out, so she knew he was a predator, and let him come into our house anyways.

I had no idea what was happening, thought he was just being really nice. People enjoyed hearing me play, so it wasn't an odd request for me.

So time goes on, life at home is still pretty horrible for me. Either alone and starving and freezing, or in a house full of drive out people partying to club level volumes of music. But school isn't so bad.

I'm 13 now. Excited to be a teenager. My mom gets me a pretty gold ring, and a purse with money in it. Biggest gift I've gotten since I was 4 when I got a tricycle. Mom still had moments of love with me, but they weren't often anymore, because her attention was monopolised.

I made another really close friend who was a genuine person, and I still miss her, but she has become a stranger after all these years. She didn't understand my struggles, but she made life bearable, and she helped me feel wanted. Her family happily took me in every weekend, as I would cook, clean, and help babysit her younger siblings.

We hung out a lot. And I was even allowed to have her over at my place... Once. She screamed really loud when she came to visit because she saw a mouse