#until it 8ecomes draining and exhausting cause im focusing on HOW to d8 them rather than 8eing with them itself
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cornflowercanine · 5 years ago
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why is romance so.......... hard. 
#clove rambles#dont re8log#not as in; d8ing someone and upholding a rel8ionship is hard really? cause im single rn#and in and of itself its not really that harder to go a8out than any other rel8ionship#its just that its so so so so fucking hard to f33l#its like once every few months-years ill have A crush on someone#and the attraction is strong enough i would do anything to 8e with them and all that jazz#to the point that when they like me 8ack i Will d8 them and i Will go with it 8eing monogamous and long-term#8c its so so fucking engrained in my head that that is Fully romance and anything else would make them uncomfy/insulted#and i WANT to 8e completely and wholeheartedly with them romantically 8c attraction 8e like that#8ut then p fucking quickly it starts to shift from 'im with this person 8c i love them and i want to d8 them'#to 'how do i d8 people again? is this too much? is that too little? am i talking not enough? am i 8eing clingy?'#until it 8ecomes draining and exhausting cause im focusing on HOW to d8 them rather than 8eing with them itself#to compens8 for how little i f33l.#pardon for le cring on main 8ut its like. an hourglass?#me developing a crush is the hourglass filling up on one end and as soon as i start d8ing them; its flipped#and im constantly compens8ing and making up for and fighting with that#and i DONT FUCKING KNOW WHY idk if its the monogamy or the long-term promise or the fact alone we are D8ing?#cause ive dragged on crushes and flirting for months and i f33l just as strongly a8t the person the entire time!!!!!!!#8ut as soon as we start d8ing its like. god i despise this.#8ut ive never upheld active crushing+flirting as long as i have d8ing so idk if romantic attraction fades indefinetely for me?#i know for sure its HARD for me to f33l and is usually weak or fadey etc 8ut like; Under What Circumstances#8luhhhhh a lot of things i can only figure out 8y d8ing more ppl 8ut im not attracted to anyone rn and dont wanna d8
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