#unstructured but i felt like writing something

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Greta & Valdin

contemporary fiction following two gay siblings who live together in central auckland

Greta, in her 20s, getting her masters and living on a shitty academic salary, getting over an unrequited crush, and exploring a new relationship

Valdin, in his 30s, who quit science for a tourism show, whose ex (he still isn’t over) is in his orbit again when work sends him to Argentina, and has to confront what he wants for his future

navigating adulthood, OCD, a messy eccentric Māori/Russian family

[lemonmaid]

Imagine Alpha BootHill....

Warnings: gender neutral reader, pregnant reader. Fluff with small angst.

He meets you, a single unmated pregnant omega working like a dog at a saloon in the middle of nowhere, on a dusty abandoned old mining planet.

He is very interested in you right on the bat, I mean, you can say the same thing about him. It's not every day you see a cyborg.

He comes in everyday for the past month, from noon to closing. Always asking for you to serve him.

One night he asked you out for a date.

"Oh, come on, it will be fun! Just us two- three, I mean. " He smiles down at your stomach.

You hummed, "I mean if it meets your fancy... but where? Boothill, we are in the middle of a desert.....".

He smirks, "I know a good spot."

You raise an eyebrow at him, "you know a spot but you been here almost everyday?".

"Can't I be a gentleman?"

"Can't you do your job?".

Before Boothill could reply, a blonde hair man came storming in; blabbering about Boothill taking too long and dragging the cyborg out of the Saloon.

For the next week, Boothill didn't show up to the saloon, making your omega whine at the fact. One night after closing, you noticed him waiting for you at the door.

"Let me walk you home".

You nodded, taking his hand.

Thanks to the planet's atmosphere, the sky shined bright of stars and cosmos. It was so beautiful. What was more beautiful is how the three moons reflected off Boothill's metal body, the soft white glow, it brought out the white streaks in his hair.

"Here" you say in a trance.

Silence between you too, it was kinda awkward, I mean, here you are in the presence of an alpha.

"I wanna court you-"

"But, I'm-".

"I don't care about that, I wanna give you what you deserve".

You bit your lip, your scent filled with anxiety, "what about your job with the Galaxy Rangers?".

"I want you to come with".

"Space is no place for a pup to live in, it's too dangerous and unstructured".

"I still want you, that will never change love". Boothill sighed before taking off his hat, "I may be... a quarter of the alpha I used to be. I'm reckless, pin-headed, hell I don't even got a scent anymore, I can't even feel anything anymore. But I do damn know that you... your scent... it's making me feel something I haven't felt in a hot minute... so please... let me court you... we can make this work". Boothill grabs your hands, putting them on his face, wanting to finally feel ya, "please just think about it".

You nodded your head, allowing him inside of your small home. He wrapped his arms around you hugging you, almost crushing. "Thank you, thank you thank you". He mumbled. You rubbed his head, noticing a faint smell, you laugh.

"What?".

You smile, before taking a deeper whiff os the small and faint scent, "You say you don't have a scent, but right behind ya ear.... I smell you..... your scent is... comforting... stuipd cyborg".

Boothill went stiff before letting small tears poke the corner of his eye. He laughs too, joining your fit of laughter.

This was rushed, I had the idea had to write it down fast lol and I'm now getting into honkai 😭

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  fragilecapric0rn! @fragilecapric0rnn has written 22 fics in the Stranger Things fandom and 21 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@cheatghost recommends the following works by @fragilecapric0rnn:

It Might Be Worth It For Once

clown music at the disco

you can take the heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost

Catch Me (I'm Falling)

Anyway, It's About Old Friends

"Sen's body of work is like a truly love letter to the characters. No matter the universe, Steve and Eddie always feel authentic to themselves. Sen's love for classic rom-coms influences a lot of her writing and makes for really romantic, touching stories. It's an absolute delight to dive into a world crafted by this author!" -- @cheatghost

Below the cut, @fragilecapric0rnn answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I think in May of 2022 I was bit by the same bug as everyone else. Before I started writing Steddie, I was on a 4-year fic writing hiatus, and it was like seeing those two interact on screen zapped my brain awake. The chemistry, the potential, the fact that one half of the ship got ripped away from us too soon. All of those components really did something to my brain and I decided I had to write them and I haven’t looked back since!

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love a idiots to lovers! These two really have the potential to fit that trope so well!

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Second-chance at romance! If you’ve seen any of my fics, you know that I love and will take any chance to write 90s older steddie, haven’t spoken or seen each other in years, who re-meet and fall in love. It is so them, it is my favorite version of them. It’s the version of them that lives in my head!

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

There are so many good ones to choose from, but I think I have to go with Show Me the Place Where He Inserted the Blade by the incomparable, the magnificently talented and outstanding Cheatghost. Lou, who I am very proud to call a friend, is one of the most talented people I know and I feel very lucky to have had them brought into my life via the Steddie brainrot.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Is it lame if I say no? LOL. Honestly, I have written almost everything I have felt the need to explore with this pairing. A lot of my ideas moving forward are expansions/continuations of ideas that I already started or have posted before. 

What is your writing process like?

Right now it’s at its most unstructured because I am rawdogging life without my ADHD meds for the first time in 7 years, which has been a whirlwind but I am managing. However, it usually depends on the fic I’m writing! For a lot of my longfic, I have a physical notebook that has an outline and major plot points I want to hit at certain times in my stories. Other times, for the shorter fics/one-shots, I just write them all in one go. It starts with a (usually silly) idea, and then I get possessed by the writing demons, and suddenly, I haven’t moved from my chair in 2 hours and I have four thousand words on my screen. I contain multitudes!

Do you have any writing quirks?

I am a victim of the: One word. One phrase. Lin breaks for emphasis. And I will be doing it until someone who is being paid real money to publish one of my original works tells me to knock it off!

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Again, asking if it’s bad if I say neither? When I first started posting fic again, I was very much writing it all and then posting it over the course of a few days. But now, I tend to write sporadically and post even more sporadically. And I prefer the latter! Fanfiction, and fandom in general, is a collaborative experience in its heart and soul. One of my favorite things about longfic is posting a chapter and seeing what people take away from it, because 9/10 it’ll be different then what the writer thinks they’re going to take away! And the chance to change and rework and let yourself be influenced by other fans of the ship is taken away when you write it all at once and post it all at once.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Anyway, It’s About Old Friends. Even in its unfinished form, it is my magnum opus. My white whale. I have done some of my best writing in it (chapter 2 MY BELOVED) and the fact that its so close to the end is both exciting and terrifying. It is a fic I wrote and continue to write for me, and the fact that other people are reading and enjoying it is a win!

How did you get the idea for It Might Be Worth It For Once?

HA! So, I was chatting with my friend Emily (JudasofSuburbia) about a potential Pornstar!Steve AU offhandedly back in the fall. Then, I got paired with them for a little fic exchange between friends, and it felt natural to take that one off little conversation and turn it into a fic for her. It was one of those fics that started out as a silly idea and then suddenly it’s been six hours and I wrote the whole thing in one go! After some polishing and editing, it became a Pornstar!AU with not as much smut as I expected. It was so fun to write, made even more fun as it was for a dear friend.

When writing Anyway, It's About Old Friends, what was something you didn’t expect?

I didn’t expect it to change and mold and morph in the way that it did. There is a version of this fic where they do hook-up earlier, there’s a version where they re-meet at gay club and not a wedding, there’s a version where Steve marries a Evie and Eddie is Raul. But, this version feels the most right. It’s a story about heartbreak, about finding love (in all it forms) in unexpected places, and it’s about found family most of all. All of that was stumbled on accidentally! My only intention was to write a Steddie-fied When Harry Met Sally fic, and accidentally flashed my heart and soul. Whoops!

What inspired clown music at the disco?

I used to be an opener at a coffee shop and there is something so disorienting and mind altering about having disco music blasting on the speakers at 4am. But, it was in one of those moments, where I was so tired I was nauseous, that the fic idea came to me! I had already been thinking of writing as my first fic, Steve and Eddie accidentally have a Devil’s Sacrament moment at the gay bar, but the line “But it’s Disco Night”, came to me at the ungodly hour of 4 in the morning. What a time!

What was your favorite part to write from you can take the heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost?

The Never Have I Ever Scene! It was the first time I wrote the entire party in one scene and it’s chaotic and a little messy but it was one of my favorite parts of the fic. It also made me realize how much I love writing ensemble scenes! Just everyone trying to talk over each other, chaos in its best form.

How do/did you feel writing Catch Me (I'm Falling)?

I wrote this fic in the span of like almost 3 weeks? I was sick and burnt out for most of the time I was writing it, but it was almost a compulsion. I had the idea and I just HAD to write it. No outline, just vibes and Steve Harrington in a cheerleading uniform! I took it down for a while because I was turning it into something else, but then had a change of heart and put it back up. And part of me is glad that I took it down for a moment because people love to be weird about the feminizing Steve’s character, and even though I was writing him as a cheerleader, I tried really hard to keep him earnestly himself, and in character.

What was the most difficult part of writing Anyway, It's About Old Friends?

Writing about San Francisco while being the most homesick I have ever been in my life. Also writing Eddie in those first few chapters as an asshole but not unlikable. I didn’t want him to be “fine” (because no one is fine in this universe, especially not in the beginning) but I also didn’t want him to do or say anything too bad. I think I got a handle on it pretty well.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

In Faces Freedom With A Little Fear, the first scene in the hospital with Steve’s sister. She storms in, threatens federal agents, all for her brother. JJ Harrington you will always be famous!

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Just my current WIPs! Anyway It’s About Old Friends; the When Harry Met Sally AU of my dreams. Hand on My Stupid Heart; the modern AU, where the UD exists but everyone has iPhones and Steve deals with his bisexuality!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Shout out to my boys! Kkpwnall, judasofsuburbia, figthefruitfaeth, gideoncharov, cheatghost, fastcardotmp3, snowangeldotmp3 you guys rule and they’re all so talented!!!! Thank you to whoever nominated me! I feel the love and give it back to you tenfold!!!!!!

Thank you to our author, @fragilecapric0rnn, and our nominator, @cheatghost! See more of fragilecapric0rn's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/21/2024: BURIAL GROUND

You wouldn't know it from my pathologically compulsive habits, but I am sometimes conflicted about the whole horror studies situation. I mean I'm glad more and more people are enjoying horror and I wouldn't want to tell anyone what to do, but sometimes I judge people who I perceive as trying too hard to be too serious about something that doesn't necessarily ask for it. Probably I'm often reacting (unfairly) to younger people who are just now imprinting on academia, and they are picking up certain thought patterns and rhetorical patterns and just...like...patterns, that they enjoy repeating. I'll hear somebody proudly announcing their 101-level application of feminism or psychoanalysis or social history to (...whatever, SCREAM sequels come to mind, but it could be anything reasonably accessible), and I have this internal reaction like, "Do you really think that? Or did you hear someone else say something like that, and you liked it so much that you want to say it too?" I'm remembering a conversation I had with a friend who had been to see HAIL CAESAR!; I said, "Is it good?" and she said, "It's a love letter to the golden age of Hollywood," and I said, "....is it good?" I just knew she had heard that phrase somewhere, and it felt smart to say it, and her desire to repeat a piece of analysis that she liked had overridden her ability to just answer my question.

...And again, like, this isn't a crime, and everybody has to start somewhere, and you don't need to be a genius to have permission to do something that is fun for you. But it does make me check my own responses to things. I've certainly been accused of pretentiousness by people who object to any kind of intellectualization at all of certain topics, but at this point I like to think that my writing is fairly considered. And I try to be conscious of when something really deserves consideration, and when it is more appropriate to just do blogger shit if I feel like it. But like, here's some of the kind of thing that makes me nervous:

I mean...I agree with SOME OF this. But some of it I find very alarming. BURIAL GROUND is a fucking mess! It's the kind of mess you have to see to believe. I remember when I was getting into horror in a serious way in 10,000 BC, this was one of the movies that people told each other they must see--largely because of the casting of an adult little person as the small child of a woman whose titty he bites off. That's the big scene. I forgot that it's kind of the ONLY scene! In film criticism, there are certain words that get tossed around like "incoherent" and "plotless", usually used by people who aren't used to deliberately dreamy or unstructured movies, or who can't get past the amateurishness of something to see if it has more unusual pleasures to offer...and then once in a great while you see something that is really genuinely plotless, like BURIAL GROUND, and you're like HOLY SHIT it's true, you can actually fully make a movie with almost no plot whatsoever! It barely even has EVENTS!

I don't really know how to describe what happens in this movie. At the beginning you're introduced to a scholarly guy who accidentally activates a curse or whatever, but if you think that you're going to find out more about him or how the curse works or what the point of it is or anything, you're dead wrong. Soon a bunch of people turn up at a mansion, and then a bunch of zombies come out of the ground, and they besiege the mansion so slowly that it's like nothing you've ever seen in your life. The actors are obliged to stand very close to windows and doors and wait politely for a long time the zombies to get close enough to threaten them. There's a particular moment where a guy is grappling with a zombie and it's supposed to be exciting and suspenseful, like the zombie is about to get him, but the zombie isn't far enough away so he just swirls his hands around the victim's face in kind of an "I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU, I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU" way and you just have to play along that the zombie almost has him, but not quite! Other than the thing I already said about the "child", there's really not a lot more I can do with this.

Actually I have to admit that I do kind of enjoy the zombie heads. I mean the movie is extraordinarily cheap, all the zombies have like smocks or nightgowns or something on so they don't have to have real costumes, they're like depressingly cheap dolls. But they have these heads that are sort of expressionistic, they sometimes look like the slightly-abstract, spooky watercolor covers of pulp novels if you know what I mean; they look like they might be fun to draw or paint. I *think* the person I want to credit for these is Rosario Prestopino, although Gino di Rossi also has a makeup credit. This movie has some credits I've never seen before though, at some point they're literally like "Curtains by," "Furniture by," and I thought huh I didn't know you had to do that!

Anyway, I just have to think that people are either being sarcastic or kidding themselves when they are painfully verbose and elaborate about e.g. BURIAL GROUND. The first guy from my Wikipedia screenshot turns out to be a professor of folklore, and I will say that sometimes I encounter niche specialists who draw on movies for some of their material, and because they're not native movie people, they have astoundingly bad taste. You just want to tell them "Dude, [movie X, I have examples but don't wanna accuse real people] is actually not a good movie, I know it's like the first movie you saw that aligns with your main interests, but there's lots of other movies that could be relevant to you if you want...oh never mind." Sometimes it's a matter of the movie saying something they want to hear, something they already think is true and expect to see, and then they just don't feel like looking for another movie that might be more provocative or experimental on the same topic. I mean, I'm just spitballing here, I can't imagine what a folklorist would see in BURIAL GROUND since it doesn't explain itself at all or add much to the zombie conversation; I don't know what the fuck I would do if one of my college professors told me I had to see BURIAL GROUND because it was amazing. I would be so shocked when I saw it. But I guess the only thing that's really important is, that guy is having fun.

The last thing I have to say about this is, as per the little person/child bit, director Andrea Bianchi seems to be a pretty fucked up individual. He's probably best known, if not for BURIAL GROUND, than for the notoriously depraved STRIP NUDE FOR YOUR KILLER, and then he also made a movie called MALABIMBA - THE MALICIOUS WHORE, and you can imagine what that's probably like. Then he made this movie I was previously curious about, CRY OF A PROSTITUTE; Henry Silva is interviewed about it in that EUROCRIME! documentary, and he sounded completely traumatized about what he had to do to Barbara Bouchet in it. Creepy. Anyway, Andrea Bianchi also made THREE NINJAS: KNUCKLE UP, and I guess that's the last comment I'll make on the matter.

[plantinghobbies]

Growing Pains

Two: Sure I’d Never Be Found

Author’s Note: Back from some traveling and finally had dedicated time to write. I’ve been overwhelmed by the support for the first chapter. Thank you so much, revisiting your notes kept me motivated when I struggled to focus or hit a block. The incredible @solipsisticno1 also helped keep my ass in gear. This’ll be a fast and slow burn (I’m a Gemini so cannot escape my love for duality). Welcome all constructive critique, favorite parts, questions, etc - so grateful for any and all feedback. Ok, here’s more of Tess and Matty.

It’s the longest he’s spent near mountains since he left home. Growing up, the idea of vastness had scared him; he doesn’t like to be reminded of how small and microscopic his existence is in the very grand scheme of things. Sometimes, he’ll lie awake at night fixated on just how tenuous life is, how quickly something outside of his control could end it. He wonders what he’d be remembered for – his art or his infamy? On particularly bad days, he wonders if he’d be remembered for long at all.

But the panoramic views of the peaks from the house the label rented him have the opposite effect. After years of touring in cramped bunks and living in packed cities, he feels the space around him palpably, like he’s been curled into a ball for too long and is finally able to stretch out.

When he’d announced his plans to spend the band’s hiatus working on some solo material with Jack in the States, he’d been most nervous about telling his band mates. Even though they’d always been supportive of each other branching out in various ways, this felt different somehow. It was one thing for George to work on remixing the odd single or producing with other artists, it was quite another to put out a whole solo record as Matty was planning, with a potential tour as well. But, as they had for the last twenty years, the guys had his back one hundred percent.

What he hadn’t anticipated was the call from his mum that came in the night before he left. She’d seemed antsy when he’d seen her for a bon voyage dinner two nights ago, but he chalked it up to her not wanting to say goodbye.

“Matthew, I’m still not sure if I should even be telling you this, had to really talk myself up to it. But I know I’d be kicking myself later if something happened.” There’s a tremor in her voice that he hasn’t heard in years.

Oh God, he thinks, she’s sick. Worse, she’s dying. His mind already flashing to her funeral, him attempting to perform a song for her before he breaks down in tears, failing her in this final act.

“You know I am so proud of you, and I wouldn’t ever dream of questioning your sobriety. But you’ve never been on your own like this without your support system – and lord knows neither have I – but it’s not easy. So I just need to say be careful, be vigilant, ask for help when you need it. I’m a plane ride away.”

The indignation that reared up at him was visceral. 34 years old, several years in recovery, and she still didn’t trust him. Looking back, he knows he could have handled it better. He’s proud of himself for not blowing up at her, something a younger version of him would have absolutely done. But he knows he was curt, wanting to punish her, inflict hurt like what had welled up in him at the thought that his own mum doubted him.

After the first few days of wandering his house, un-showered and aimless, he’d begun to see what his mother meant. The process of writing and recording is inherently unstructured, at least for him, filled with days where he does nothing and nights of manic activity. It’s him, sitting around with his own thoughts, picking at the scabs and scar tissue of his past. He didn’t realize how much he relied on the rhythm of others - the band, the tour - to provide structure for him. For the first time in his life, he is without those things, and the space that it creates feels like a blessing and a curse.

In the couple of weeks since, he’s settled in a bit more, has found a gym and can now navigate to Jack’s studio and back without relying on his phone. The word routine has always rubbed him the wrong way, evoking images and associations that make him uneasy. Boring. Pedestrian. Old. When he left rehab, they’d armed him with a written routine to help ease his transition back to his “everyday life.” It was cookie cutter shit that he hadn’t even done in rehab, let alone out of it – daily meditation, making his bed, a gratitude journal. One glance at the word and the list of to-dos had him pulling up his dealer’s number before the plane had even landed.

When he finally got clean for good, a new therapist suggested he develop a structure in lieu of a routine. At first, Matty didn’t understand the difference, and he’d worried that he’d once again sunk a ton of time into bettering himself only for the system to fail him.

“What do you like to do for fun?” His therapist, David, asked. The question caught him off guard, he was expecting the beginnings of a diatribe on the benefits of eating healthy.

“You mean, besides heroin?” Matty often tried to get a rise out of David but had yet to succeed, his shit-eating grin met with nothing more than a stoic quiet. Sometimes, when he was bored or couldn’t focus during their session, he’d imagine what David’s home life was like. What does this guy do for fun? Is he a Saturday golfer and Sunday churchgoer like he looks? Or does David leave the prim façade at work, shedding his tweed jacket on his way to a BDSM club or an after-hours rave?

Finally, David indulges him. “Yes, besides heroin.”

That was easy. “Music.”

“Ok, but music is also your job, which can be a source of stress. What do you like to do besides making music?”

He’s embarrassed to admit he’s a bit stumped. Over the years, he’s amassed a laundry list of abandoned hobbies – some lasting for a few days, others a few months. But only one has ever lasted long-term. Well, social media but that’s more of a habit he’s adopted to avoid other, worse vices.

“Umm, honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t really ever been able to keep up with one long-term besides writing songs.”

“Ok” David smiled “let’s start there.”

In the end, he was glad that he stuck with it. Nowadays, Matty had a simple list of things that he liked to do that help him feel his best – he isn’t regimented about doing them, which he thinks is how he’s been able to stick with it for so long. They didn’t cure his addictive cravings but they kept them at bay. He still resented the amount of effort that was required for him to have a “normal” day - but it was better than the alternative.

Given how late he got in from the studio the night before, he should still be in bed. He and Jack had been holed up for almost two days straight, capitalizing on a burst of creative energy that had them laying down the rough cuts of three songs and the outlines of a fourth. When Jack had finally gone home to Margaret, he’d kicked Matty out of the studio as well, demanding that he shower, eat and sleep – in that order. He’d caught a few hours of shut eye but the chord progression he’s stuck on has him unable to quiet his mind enough to rest. What’s new? Unable to even muster the focus needed to make tea, he settles for coffee instead. The expensive coffee machine gurgles next to him as he stares out the window, realizing that he can’t remember the last time he’d been outside. Maybe “touching grass” (he refuses to admit that he might be too old for certain phrases) would help unstick it?

It’s the first time the front porch has seen any action since his arrival and he takes a minute to get situated, shifting his chair this way and that. Finally satisfied, he looks up just in time to catch the vaguely familiar side profile of a woman walking by with her dog. Before the image registers in his brain, she’s gone. He finishes his coffee then heads out to jui jitsui before meeting Jack.

That afternoon is one of the most productive days in the studio so far, he feels like they’re getting somewhere. He’s desperate to sustain the momentum, to try to quell the intrusive, insecure thoughts that he can’t do this on his own. No amount of encouragement from Jack has helped, he needs to see it for himself.

He’s not above relying on superstition and decides to do everything the same the next day, including watching the sunrise on the porch, staring at the coffee as he swirls his mug. The jingling of a leash has him tilting his head up, eyes journeying up long legs, tracing an hourglass figure that had been hidden by the bar, meeting her piercing eyes – yep, that’s her. He leans forward in his seat, casting about for a witty comment to put her on her heels the way she had put him on his with that story the other night. But he doesn’t get a chance, her eyes seeming to look right through him as she passes by.

At first, he convinces himself that she just didn’t see him, unable to accept that he hadn’t left any impression on this woman. The next few days find him inching his chair closer and closer to the sidewalk each morning, but her and her dog just sail past without a second glance, seemingly immune to his presence. And listen, he’s not a dickhead - it’s not like she owes him any acknowledgement. He understands more than most how rare uninterrupted time to yourself can be in this day and age. But he hears her daily greeting to the older man who sits on his porch reading the paper a few doors down! So, it feels like she’s ignoring him specifically and intentionally – and the question of why is driving him mad. It scratches at sensitive scar tissue where his admittedly oversized ego meets a more fragile self-esteem, seizes on feelings of being unremarkable and weaponizes them. Has his overactive mind casting about for various reasons for her silence, most of them bad. She doesn’t recognize him, not even from the other night. Or worse, she does.

The rest of the week in the studio is a bit of a wash.

Saturday finds him bored and antsy, with little to do and even less motivation. Trying to occupy himself, he sets his sights more firmly on getting a rise out of her, any acknowledgement really. Just to get her to crack once, he tells himself, and then he’ll leave it be. He doesn’t dwell on why he gets so bothered by apathy, physically shakes away memories that surface uninvited in his mind - his mother’s glazed expressions, his exhaustive attempts to garner her attention. Getting a reaction from people was his coping mechanism long before it was his job.

Pulling the Adirondack chair - so cliche but also so bloody comfortable – right up to the fence, he positions it at an angle in clear view of the sidewalk. Sure enough, as she approaches, her eyes land on him from behind her sunglasses. He only knows this because her step falters slightly, head dipping into the barest of nods as she passes. The thrill that Matty gets from even this subtlest reaction is a welcome change from the monotony of the last few weeks. He can imagine what George would say if he saw this “Christ mate, you’ve got to get out more.” But George isn’t here, none of them are – and that’s the problem isn’t it?

The next day, it becomes clear that she is, in fact, fucking with him. She’s walking toward him, her mouth opens to speak – Matty slides forward in his chair at the sight, ready to declare victory – and then curls it into a smirk at his earnest reaction. It’s obvious enough that it had to be intentional. Oh, game on.

His tendency to hyper-fixate is a blessing and a curse, making him a better artist but an occasionally insufferable human. He’s determined to not let her get the best of him this time around, spending downtime in the studio brainstorming how to get her to break first. The answer comes to him as he’s standing outside, having a cigarette between writing sessions. The sign hanging in the window across the street is just too cringe, too cliche, too absolutely perfect to ignore and Matty strolls out of the store with it not two minutes later.

The next morning, he’s giddy with anticipation. As she turns the corner her head is down, almost as if she’s determined not to see or been seen. At the last second though, she glances up and clocks the sign leaning against the outside of the fence right, him seated next to it with a sly smirk on his face. She stops, stares, and then - right as he’s certain she’s going to maintain their silent standoff - she barks out a laugh. It is loud and raucous and feels like a well-won prize after two weeks of continuous effort.

“Oh my god, where did you get that?” She seems surprised to hear the sound of her own voice. If she’s disappointed that she’s “lost,” it doesn’t show. He begins to tell her, in his trademark roundabout way, a winding story about the fucking writing block that him and Jack ran into which led to him being outside, to seeing the store but then back around to the song that he was working on. She is nodding along but glances at her watch twice, the dog trying to pull her to keep moving, bored of him. She opens her mouth to interrupt him, a split-second pause where she huffs and seems to question herself, before rushing out with “Listen, I gotta get this guy to the park or he’ll have a meltdown, you can tell me the rest as we walk.”

She walks on, not giving him a chance to respond as he hustles to catch up with them. He meets her on the sidewalk the next morning, not giving her a chance to pass him by again.

[amethystina]

I just saw this on X (formerly known as twitter) and I immediately thought of you. And I don't know why I had the urge to send it to you, so here it is.

It describes perfectly how I feel about your writing. I usually don't read ongoing fics, but if I find one really intresting I read the first chapter to have a better understanding of it and save it for when it is finished. But with 'Who holds the devil', I felt like I couldn't stop reading. Like I physically couldn't stop reading, and it was all due to your writing. Everything you write about, every detail, every emotion, and every expression is written in the most unique and intresting way I have ever read.

The reason I sometimes prefer reading over watching things is because I have the ability to imagine what I am reading and emmerse myself completly in it when the writing is done well. And you don't just do it well, you do it INCREDIBLE.

In my personal experience, you are the first writer with which I like the long descriptions of things. Because when I read them, nothing feels too long or too much, it just feels perfect for the storytelling. And I only realise that there were a lot of words written after the fact, because everything just sails smoothly.

I don't know why I had the urge to send you this 😅, and I hope I didn't overwhelm you with my unstructured oversharing on here. But I just wanted to say, you are incredible and I hope you stay healthy and happy in the future (even if you suddenly decide to stop writing this fic, there is no pressure as you have already given us a lot).

Take care 💜

I am a little overwhelmed, not going to lie, but in a good way? In that way where I don't really know how to respond because I'm feeling so many things right now, but all of them good.

I've said it before but it will never not blow my mind when I hear just how much my writing seems to affect people. Because it doesn't feel all that glamorous to me, you know? When I'm sitting there, frowning at my document, trying to figure out what word goes where. Or when I'm trying to find the right rhythm and cadence to the sentences, and capture the right emotions and imagery to tell the story I can see playing out inside my head.

But I am, of course, incredibly flattered and also very proud to know that I can have such an impact. I started writing fanfics on a whim — because I wanted to write at least one before I died — and the art of writing (or whatever you want to call it) wasn't even something I reflected on at the time. Well, tbh, I can't say that I do that all that much now, either — I just write what I think sounds nice xD

Point being, even if I've always put a lot of effort into my writing, it never really occurred to me that I might end up being genuinely good at it. That felt like such an unobtainable goal that I never even considered it. And it's been pretty disorienting to be told that I am (but, again, in a good way).

Especially since I go against a lot of the common writing advice that you see floating around. I write a lot of words — some that are definitely not needed. I use adverbs, adjectives, and whatever the heck I want. I often do a lot of telling instead of showing. I repeat things and spell things out for the readers in a way that good writers shouldn't. I do a lot of hand-holding with my readers, taking them through every step of the character's thought process and reactions. I write detailed descriptions of what the characters are feeling instead of only showing it through their actions. The list goes on.

Like, if you look at what the writing advice says, I should be a terrible writer xD

But I'm glad that I'm not. I'm glad that I can write things that move people and that the stories I tell feel that engaging. And I love being able to share them and spread the joy. It's such a wonderful feeling to know that I've made a difference somehow, however small it may be.

So thank you so, so much for your kind words. Which feels wholly inadequate to convey just how grateful I am that you took the time to write and send this, but trust me when I say that it means a lot to me. I never thought I'd reach this point, with people reaching out to me just to tell me how much they love my writing. How wonderful is that? It leaves me utterly speechless sometimes.

How is this my life?

And so far I have no plans to stop writing Who Holds the Devil, don't worry. I can't promise it'll happen quickly what with everything that's going on in my life right now (like being officially diagnosed with burnout due to long Covid — yay me) but I'm way, way too stubborn to give up. And I also love the fic and the characters too much to stop xD I want to see this through to the end just as much as the rest of you.

So yeah. Thank you again for sending this — it made my day. And you take care, too 💜

[tuiyla]

Time for another Buffy and Angel retro

Sigh, so I really should have done a BtVS s5 and AtS s2 retro before watching the following seasons of both those shows but oops, here we are. For my own peace of mind I will write an unstructured random something so I can do a whole series (so far) summary for both shows before diving into Buffy season 7.

Buffy Season 5

Such a strong season that pretty much immediately became my favourite of the first 5. After the somewhat stumbling season 4 with its college storyline and, sigh, the Initiative, here was a show more confident in itself and feeling free to explore new things and lose dead weight (Riley). From the very start it wasn’t afraid to mix camp with the stronger storytelling that made previous seasons so successful. Season 5 just feels so sure of itself and no wonder, what with that finality that it was leading up to. And I did expect yet another Buffy death to feel kind of cheap but no, the impact was more than fully there (and appropriately heavy in season 6). Dawn’s introduction, while not seamless went a lot smoother than I think could be expected, and I personally like the character so it all worked for me. And I do have to admit, big sister Buffy became my favourite and I felt myself loving her much more throughout this season. It’s not like I wasn’t a fan of Buffy’s character before but this is when she really arrived of rme.

I don’t need to introduce any BtVS fan to the impact The Body can have on a person or how well Glory works as our Big Bad for the season. The stakes are so high this season, with Buffy herself risking and losing so much not only to the highest of forces but also the mundane, depressing realities of life. Despite this, season 5 is very much about family in a way I don’t think even previous seasons were. Sure, the Scoobies always have been a family but put into this much more suburban setting with a young girl to look after, plus our core characters growing up it’s hard for me to deny that this is where they’ve truly arrived for me as a unit. This setup of the Scoobies also just works rather well, with the core four being complemented by Anya, Tara and, well and truly now, Spike. Yes, they serve as love interests to the three main “kids” (well, Spike not quite yet, I suppose) but in their best moments they also stand on their own two feet. Even Tara, the only character not getting the main title treatment has come into her and arguably had a bigger arc than even her girlfriend, Willow.

Speaking of. The only “complaint” I would have about the season is a minor one, and then another, so far half-baked thought. Complaint one is that Willow didn’t have much of an arc this season, or at least less so than other main characters and I thought that was a shame. Sure, she’s become so powerful that she ended up taking on a god and that leads us nicely into season 6, but I would have expected at least one episode to have a decidedly Willow A plot and that never truly came. And then my half-baked thought is that, for all its confidence and standout episodes and overall strong arc, season 5 did miss something of a spark for me. Maybe that’s the curse of being consistently strong with very few subpar moments, I’m not sure. I think it might be that I just went with the flow so well I didn’t take the time to process everything, because the pieces were all there and it all led to a stunning conclusion. Maybe I’m just a messy bitch who likes the despair of season 6 just a little bit better. Speaking of.

Buffy Season 6

In all fairness, season 5 was praised to me whereas I was warned to lower my expectations for season 6 so there was already a difference there. But season 6 came by swinging and I’m not saying it never missed, the “Big Bad” being a particular pain point for me, but it was messy in delicious ways and I enjoyed the darker tone the season set for our heroes. Buffy’s afterdeath was handled much better than I thought it would be, by which I mean it wasn’t just retconned and everyone on their merry way. Buffy’s death and the undoing of it at Willow’s hands sets not only the tone of the entire season but the very DNA of it. We’re also dealing with the harsh truths of life this season, from the financial reality of a(n officially) jobless orphan looking after her little sister to destructive relationships and, yes, addiction. And I know Willow’s storyline is a point of contention in the fandom - one day, I might even bring myself to try and stand in defense of it. But for now I’ll just say that the many metaphors of BtVS are versatile things and it was about time Willow’s journey hit a big milestone.

In fact, it’s that very fact of the season being primarily about Buffy’s and Willow’s struggles that I appreciate. They’re mirrors this season in all the ways they don’t see. If only they’d seen the director’s cut of Tara and Giles’ reprise of their solos, they’d see the parallels. Of course, I can’t praise season 6 without mentioning that Once More, With Feeling is indeed as great as everyone hypes it up to be. If it results in Buffy the Vampire Slayer Cast making it into my top 5 artists in this year’s Spotify Wrapped I’m gonna be mad, but only because the songs genuinely slap and the story is so well-handled through them. That said, I think it’d be a mistake to reduce season 6 to the one standout episode. While inarguably the most unique, it’s far from being the season’s only great episode. And even more than standouts, it’s the overall consistency that I appreciate. Some may frown upon episodes like Doublemeat Palace and the whole storyline of Buffy getting a fast food job, but I’m a seasoned ex-maccies worker who’s bene there and found odd catharsis in the show finally acknowledging financials. Call me Anya, but I care about money - some logistics of money in my shows, anyway.

All of this is not to say I think the season was perfect by any means. Some of the Spuffy shitshow was rough to watch, some of it really rough to the point of harrowing, and I’ll miss Tara as much as the next Sapphic. It’s in the Trio’s mere existence where you’ll find my reasons for potentially debating whether this really is the best season. It’s not that I hated them; you are generally supposed to hate villains. It’s that they’re annoying even at the best of times heinous at the worst, Warren in the lead of course but the two lackeys as well. I’ll say it, the show should have let Jonathan go. I don’t hate the concept inherently and I think the show does a fair enough deconstruction of why nerds aren’t always so innocuous but that doesn’t change the fact that was just plain unpleasant to watch them take up screentime in a season where Tara’s clock is ticking and our main characters are desperately trying to hold their lives together. No fun. I might rant about it later.

But that aside, I’ll proudly proclaim season 6 as my favourite and right now there are few questions about it. It’s the one that made me feel the most in any case and that’s what matters in my eyes. Dark Willow, I’ll never forget you, nor will I overlook Xander’s best moment in the entire series anytime soon. Unless he does something very stupid in season 7, which is entirely possible and in fact expected.

Angel Season 2

The two shows began diverging so much that it feels strange to even jump into Angel the Series here but let’s do so anyway. Not exactly sure what the reason is since I watched them parallel but for some reason, Angel season 2 feels even more distant now than Buffy season 5. Maybe it’s because of how much has changed in the series and how far it has come from its origins. Maybe it’s because I practically binged Angel season 3 and then Buffy season 6, so I’ve now spent more time away from AtS. Whatever it may be, I’ll have fond memories of Angel’s second season and how, just like BtVS season 5 felt so confident in itself, so too did the spin-off grow more sure of its own strengths and structure.

The big appeal of the season is the return of Darla, far too unceremoniously killed off back in BtVS season 1 Darla. Julie Benz is far too great in the role to be limited to just flashback and so, here she is in all her glory, tormenting Angel and then herself with the new-old soul she has. Darla has now had two human and two vampire lives and it’s fascinating to follow her progress through those lives and deaths. AtS season 2 did a great job at further establishing the messy but deep Angel and Darla relationship we only got a hint of previously. She was the perfect villain to elevate Angel the Series above what it was in its first season. Also in the antagonistic role the ever-present Wolfram & Hart and the delightful albeit short return of Drusilla, which together made for one heck of a challenge for Angel.

I’d even say that I enjoyed Angel’s momentary slip into lone wolf jerk territory because of course what Wolfram & Hart put him through landed him there, of course. Constantly atoning or not, Angel will never not be a flawed character and season 2 gave us so much of his ups and downs. Some highlights include his 50s flashback and the Darla episode glimpse at just how much of a pathetic meow meow he was even after first getting his soul. My only complaint about Angel’s arc is a self-indulgent one, that being that his should have continued his prison chats with Faith. Not just because I’m a slut for Faith first and foremost but because the two have developed such a beautiful connection and I would have loved to see that continue as a through-line in season 2 and beyond. Oh well, see you in season 4, Faith.

In terms of other characters, I think this season was most significant for Wesley, beyond Angel and Darla. He got to take a leadership role and prove how capable he can be when he believes in himself, and that was wonderful to witness after how far he’s come. I do feel like Cordelia got more to work with than the more lowkey development (up until the end) of season 1 but it still wasn’t quite there. Maybe at the very end, again, as she demonstrated her growth when refusing to give up the visions in Pylea. The girl who snogged every mouth she saw when first getting the visions from Doyle has come far indeed. Speaking of Pylea, let me just highlight the last four episodes’ adventure as an excellent way to end the season. So different for the Buffyverse, almost Doctor Who-like in its premise but a welcome change of pace after the heavy Darla stuff that the rest of the season covered.

I wish I had more to say about Gunn joining the team or even Lorne’s introduction and subsequent steady presence, but now that I’ve also seen season 3 I just feel like there’d be little point in me trying to force myself to gather thoughts on them in season 2. And not that they had an awful lot to work with, either. Like I said, apart from Angel it was mostly a Wesley season in my eyes.

Angel Season 3

Where there is more to say about Gunn, Lorne, and more is season 3, even more of a departure from BtVS than season 2 was. Part of that is the different network situation and I can’t pretend I didn’t feel baited and betrayed when a crossover post-Buffy resurrection was teased and then done with offscreen, but maybe that’s for the best. Angel’s life is now so distinct from the going ons of Sunnydale and that is okay. Imagine Angel telling Buffy about getting Darla pregnant who then gave birth by staking and poofing herself and the baby growing up in a hell dimension only to... do all of that to his bio daddy. Man, this season was wild. And no I won’t let them live the staking and poofing down.

If I’m honest, if season 2 was Darla’s well deserved chance to shine her return here felt lackluster and her second vampire death even more ridiculous and unworthy than her first. Yes, yes, she died for her son, a noble moment from a soulless vampire, blah blah. I wasn’t a huge fan of the pregnancy storyline and how sidelined Darla herself felt in it but anyway, let’s not get into that tangent. The point is, Angel’s suddenly a dad this season and that fundamentally changes the status quo. I feel like I’ll have more to say about Connor is later season and it is perhaps best if I don’t dwell on him as a character for now, and instead highlight that stakes have indeed been raised and, if nothing else, I appreciate the bold direction.

There’s much to say about the way Angel Investigations changes this season, particularly with Wesley’s well-intentioned but catastrophic betrayal but, again, maybe something I’ll return to later or in another post. I will say that Wesley’s clearly starting to go down a dark path and I would hope he finds redemption on a show all about atonement but you never know. In other AI team news, Fred is here! I had no idea Amy Acker would be more than a late season 2 guest star but I welcomed her addition to the main cast. Fred brings a different kind of dynamic to the team, even if love triangles can be tedious, and she’s a refreshing presence overall. I know I said Gunn has more to do in season 3 but I still don’t think there’s a ton to say about him. And that is a shame, but maybe now that Wesley’s gone and Angel’s at the bottom of the ocean he’ll step into more of a leader role.

The highlight of the season is Cordelia for me, which is something I’ve been waiting to be able to say since BtVS season 1. I’ve always had a feeling BtVS was never giving her her dues and I was warned AtS wouldn’t exactly be kind to the character either. Season 1 did take the piss on occasion and I mostly just wanted more of her in season 2, but now that she’s on her sixth Buffyverse season the Cordelia I always knew she could be is finally here. Not only does she have a solid arc, her moments of compassion are emotionally poignant and her relentless support of Angel in particular is heartwarming. Now, the romantic aspect of their relationship is just another one of those things you’ll have to ask me about later because... I don’t hate it, but I also don’t think it was necessary. The imagery of the season ending with Angel sinking to the bottom of the ocean and Cordelia ascending to the heavens is striking, though. But personally I do hope the whole higher being thing doesn’t last forever for Cordy. She’s needed right here on Earth.

I feel like I’ve strained far from the season overview style I started with BtVS now but Angel season 3 is just a lot to process. I haven’t even touched on Holtz, an overall underwhelming Big Bad if not for the Connor of it all, or Lilah’s increased role now that Lindsey’s gone. But season 3 feels less about the antagonistic forces Angel has to face than about the concept of family, found family and what we choose to do with it. And with the cliffhanger and so many relationships with question marks at their portmanteau's, I don’t think the season offers many answers, as such. Just that this is life, albeit to a heightened extreme and this is what you can make of it. Now, I’ve heard whispers about how badly the last two seasons drop the ball and I’m hoping that’s not true. All I can say for now is that season 3 was a wild ride and even though I think it had more issues for me than AtS s2, it still proved that this spin-off has more than earned its right to exist and continue on.

Aaaaand that is it for now, folks! I shall now reluctantly begin the end of BtVS and venture forward with Angel’s last two seasons. I’m scared and sad but shall savour it while I can.

[pierrotwrites-hc]

"✂ Is there a plotline that you'd planned to write but for whatever reason has been abandoned?" i am eternally obsessed with the differences between the previous version of tgb and the current one. anything that comes to mind? like maybe something you had planned/something that was a part of the old story but didn't make the cut?

Thank you for asking about this! One character who had a brief scene in TGB 2.0, and who will be resurrected in a different form in the next book*, is a woman to whom Robert was entertaining betrothal.

She was cut for a few reasons. First and foremost was simple expediency: I wanted to get Luca and Robert out of Lyonesse and on the road as quickly as possible. Any character or plotline that didn't serve this goal had to go.

I was also a lot more careful about my worldbuilding this go-around. Since the upper echelons of Lyonesse society is so deeply stratified by gender, I decided to begin the story with both Robert and Luca in de facto all-male environments and then introduce female and trans and nonbinary characters as they moved into the increasingly unstructured space of war and territory dispute and general insurgency. I felt like this would have an added thematic resonance as well as giving me a way to highlight how deeply and unjustly divided this world is on multiple levels.

Finally, I wanted to let my female characters tell their own stories, instead simply using them as a way to tell Robert and Luca's story. Introducing this character in Book 2 meant I could give her a whole plot arc that dealt with the ways in which women, and particularly highborn women, are treated in Lyonesse, and how they must work within and against these larger structures of oppression in order to carve out a space for themselves.

*Reminder that we're still on book one of four

[glove23]

2, 3, 5, 10, 12, 13

2: Where do you get your fic ideas?

mmmmm great question! sometimes they just come to me in a vision and then I'm possessed and have no choice, sometimes they come thru from talking to friends, sometimes I'll be watching something and a scene will trigger inspiration! lots of places! it's never the same tbh

3: Do you share your fic ideas, or do you keep them to yourself?

it depends! I don't usually post about them but I'll share them with my friends most of the time!

5: How many wips do you have?  What fandoms/pairings are they for?

😬

uh a normal amount definitely

I'm currently rewriting a hp fic I started almost ten years ago and then I have lots of random bits and pieces of pjo fic lying around. and other fandoms idk really I don't check

10: Do you work on multiple wips or stick to one fic at a time?

I try to finish a fic before moving on to another but for a long time that actually made it so I never wrote anything because I felt bad for not working on the fic I hadn't finished. so now I hop around and tbh if one fic is stressing u out sometimes the best thing is to find another to work on jdhdsjsjs

12: Do you outline your fics?  If yes, how detailed are your outlines?  How far do you stray from them?

very vaguely. most of the time my outlines are dialogue beats bc that's always been the easiest thing for me to write, or just "this happens and then this happens and sometimes something like this happens". it's all very Loose and unstructured and it works for me! I try to follow them if I make them but if I'm in a groove writing and what's happening isn't in the outline then oh well

13: Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

yes! I used to only listen to instrumentals (p&p2005 ost and lotr ost) but now I pick an album and just let it repeat. lately I've been listening to GUTS by Olivia Rodrigo and Stick Season by Noah kahn bc if there's one thing I am, it's basic 💞

[mediaevalmusereads]

Bea Wolf. By Zach Weinersmith and Boulet. First Second, 2023.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

Genre: graphic novel

Part of a Series? No

Summary: Listen! Hear a tale of mallow-munchers and warriors who answer candy’s clarion call!

Somewhere in a generic suburb stands Treeheart, a kid-forged sanctuary where generations of tireless tykes have spent their youths making merry, spilling soda, and staving off the shadow of adulthood. One day, these brave warriors find their fun cut short by their nefarious neighbor Grindle, who can no longer tolerate the sounds of mirth seeping into his joyless adult life.

As the guardian of gloom lays siege to Treeheart, scores of kids suddenly find themselves transformed into pimply teenagers and sullen adults! The survivors of the onslaught cry out for a savior—a warrior whose will is unbreakable and whose appetite for mischief is unbounded.

They call for Bea Wolf.

***Full review below.***

Content Warnings: mild violence

Overview: I was totally unaware that this book existed until my dissertation director sent me a copy out of the blue. As I was in a reading slump, I decided to pick it up right away, and to my surprise, I found it not only to be a fun retelling of Beowulf, but a very smart, educated retelling with energetic art and a wealth of humor. Weinersmith clearly understands the appeal of the original poem and Boulet is clearly invested in creating art that is both eye-grabbing and well-composed, so for those reasons, this book gets 4.5 stars from me.

Writing/Art: Weinersmith's writing took me by surprise in the best way. From page 1, every line of this book is an imitation of the original poem, using alliteration, kennings, apposition, and other medieval literary devices to craft a narrative that is both incredibly smart and funny. I particularly loved Wienersmith's creativity when it came to apposition and alliteration; not only did he use evocative imagery, but he managed to make the rhythm and meter feel poetic. If i had any criticism, I will say that I noticed Weinersmith reused some images, but honestly, I was so impressed by the sustained style that i didn't much care.

Weinersmith's writing is complimented by Boulet's unique and stylized art. I loved the exaggerated facial expressions, the energetic lines, and the bold use of blacks, and I especially loved that no page felt half-assed. Too often, I've found that some graphic novels simplify their art too much for my personal taste; with Boulet's art, I didn't feel like the pages were rushed or details were left unfinished. Instead, I felt like there was always something interesting to see, and I loved looking at each page.

Plot: This book is a retelling of the Beowulf poem from the opening lines to the after-party following Grendel's defeat. Unlike other retellings, however, this book reimagines the Danes/Geats as children and their foes as teenagers and adults, with Grendel being reimagined as an uptight, fun-hating adult named Mr. Grindle.

There's a lot about this book that is quite clever. I loved, for example, that Heorot was reimagined as a treehouse and the sounds of the hall involved junk food, loud music, staying up past bedtime, etc. - all things parents and adults oppose. I also really loved that the kids had their own "monarchy" with kings/lords that distributed toys and treats to the worthy. It felt simultaneously like I was reading a retelling and that I was thrown back into the parenting style of my childhood, when kids were more or less left to create their own (unstructured) fun.

But what made this book enjoyable for me was that it included scenes that other Beowulf retelling tend to cut. For example, the first few sections of this book tell the story of Carl (Scyld Scefing's child counterpart) and how the crown passed down to the current king, Roger (Hrothgar's counterpart). I also loved that this book included scenes such as Bea Wolf's fight with the sea monsters, the retelling of Heidi's excursions (meant to reference the heroism of Hygelac), and the praise song that lauds Bea Wolf alongside other child legends (which corresponds to the Sigurd legend sung by the scop). As a medievalist, I loved all the nods to the original poem, and I felt like I was reading a retelling by people who knew and understood the epic, not people who wanted to get rid of everything except the monster fight.

Characters: The characters in this book are charming and delightful, in part because of Weinersmith's creative reimagining and in part due to Boulet's superb design.

Bea Wolf is memorable for her incredible bravery and the fact that she wears a stuffed bear on her head. I loved that she was unafraid to stand up to Mr. Grindle, and rather than seem prideful, she came across as having that child-like confidence that nothing could possibly defeat her.

Mr. Grindle is also memorable in that he's portrayed as having a magic power: to age kids up with a single touch. In my opinion, this power feels threatening and it feels especially dreadful because kids essentially view adults as some other species. The fact that they view teenagers and adults as "old" gives them a kind of Peter Pan attitude, so Grindle's aging powers feel particularly loathed. Moreover, Boulet draws Grindle as a balding, bespectacled, lanky (yet round) man whose obsession with bland things (flossing, stocks, etc) contrast nicely with the kids' chaos.

Supporting characters are likewise memorable for the way they reference their medieval counterparts. I loved that characters such as Sceld Scefing, Hygelac, Unferth, and Aescere were reimagined as kids, as well as fabled kid heroes that are seen as legends among the children; having such a wide range of child characters made the world of the story feel a bit richer.

TL;DR: Bea Wolf is a delightful, smart, and funny retelling of Beowulf that reimagines the fight between Beowulf and Grendel as a struggle between children and adults. This retelling stands apart from others due to the deep love the writer has for the original poem and the bold, energetic art that the artist uses to convey action and emotion; by incorporating literary techniques from the poem (such as alliteration, apposition, kennings, etc) and filling each page with beautiful, stylized art, this book is sure to be a favorite amongst medievalists and other readers who appreciate clever, creative adaptations of literary classics.

[sharkneto]

the last post you reblogged about not being able to predict reader's reactions--how would you say shifting together has faired in terms of how you expected readers would react versus reality

My uncertainty with sharing Shifting Together was I did not know how they'd be received with how OC heavy it is. I was not expecting the Rob Love. Or Sarah love, but especially not the Rob love.

A thing that stopped me from sharing those fics for a long time was-- well, primarily that I needed to get orsumfenix's blessing to do so because they're very blatantly based on their fic. But after that was because they are OC heavy, especially JT. There's something much more vulnerable about sharing OCs rather than fic with just established characters. We already know we like the established characters - it's why we're reading fanfic in the first place, to get more of them and their dynamics and relationships. OC's throw homemade blorbos into the mix and they do have a bit of a stigma; an unfair one, I think, but a stigma nonetheless for being self-inserts and Mary Sues and generally disruptive to the characters and dynamics fic is being read for in the first place.

What I expected from readers was... a tolerance. An understanding of what I was doing with my OC's to use them as an outside POV for a specific lens with which to look at and explore our Hargreeves. I love outside POV for bringing attention to weird shit we've gotten used to, and then their step away from the Main Plot let us have a different angle on characters, what was happening, and the plot in general. I started with HIT specifically to minimize OC presence. We have our Hargreeves and we start in their (Allison's) POV, rather than diving straight in with Walters' POV, like JT does. I was hoping dipping readers toes into Rob and Sarah with HIT would get you guys to like them enough to be willing to read much more of them in JT to see what Number was doing the two and a half years prior to HIT.

What I didn't expect was the pretty immediate love and thirst for Rob and the warming to Sarah that happened in HIT. I will say - I get the Rob love. I adore Rob, he's my special little Just A Guy. And he really gets more of a chance to shine in HIT than Sarah does because of his relationship he develops with Five. JT is Sarah's show. So, in retrospect, I Get It. But it's also just Very Special that you guys embraced Rob and Sarah, and Number to a lesser extent, so much that there are people who want to write fic with them, who have drawn fanart of them, who think about them on their own. Those are my guys! I made them up! And yet! They're off existing in your guys' heads! Wild!

In general, I wasn't expecting Shifting Together to be as big as it feels like it is. I didn't expect there to be a community around it. Hoped, obviously, as I've spent over two years writing it all, but didn't expect it. It felt too a little too niche, being an AU fic of an AU fic, and, with JT, too... unstructured? with it being slice-of-life.

It was strategic that I shared HIT first and JT became a prequel rather than the first in the series as I had originally written it. It was strategic that I shared the first three chapters of HIT within a week. I was desperate to hook you guys. See? Allison and Luther are here! See? Five is here and he has a big fight! I'm teasing that we'll get Other Five later! Just begging and hoping you guys would tolerate my OCs enough to hang around and see this story I'd written and was very proud of.

Over a year later and almost finished with JT, I see now I didn't have to be that nervous and desperate about it.

Thanks for the love, everyone <3

[mitochondriaandbunnies]

While doing other things, I’m half-watching a 60′s cowboy show that I have deeply, deeply mixed feelings about-- under the cut for length and for my unstructured babbling about racism in 60′s TV.

As with many 60′s cowboy shows, it asks you to sympathize with a character who was once a confederate soldier and plantation owner... but also one of the main characters is the literal first ever Black lead in a western, and he’s really fantastic? And the whole premise is that they team up as bounty hunters, which is an exceptionally uncomfortable concept, but they also don’t exactly just hand-wave their partnership as easy or comfortable, either? It’s a very odd mixture of 60′s “racism can be solved easily through contact between races” naivete, total obliviousness to the rancidity of its concept, and very earnest attempts to punch above its weight emotionally and thematically.

Like. Frankly, the central “former slave and former confederate become partners” conceit damns the entire show from conception. It *wants* to be a treatise on how even the worst kind of racist can change (and therefore YOU, WHITE VIEWER AT HOME IN 1968, CAN *TOO*), but how well it succeeds at that kind of depends on whether one can believe the main white character in any way at all deserves an opportunity at redemption. (Is it better to believe anyone can change and attempt to atone, or are some things-- like owning a fucking person-- sins so abhorrent that the only absolution is death? Or, to put it differently-- is there a good reason to tell this story and not a story about someone who wasn’t a confederate?)

Both of the lead actors are excellent, and you do genuinely get the sense they felt they were doing something really positive. They have excellent chemistry (which... in and of itself is kind of. Hmm. Should they have excellent chemistry??) The writing is surprisingly thoughtful and consistently willing to bluntly address racism without perpetuating it (and doesn’t shy away from pointing out that the main white character is still racist because he lives in a racist society even though he likes the main Black character and has chosen to change and learn to be a decent person.) The episode I’m currently watching gets into how the “states’ rights” clause in the Emancipation Proclamation kneecapped any so-called countrywide emancipation, and has a long and serious conversation between two former slaves about how things have and haven’t changed for Black people in the United States. They connect over shared traditions, their mutual attraction is treated as beautiful and important, they’re given the bulk of the plot and important dialogue in the episode, and their romance is treated with gravitas. The lead actress in the episode has a whole speech about how it’s incredibly difficult to learn how to be a whole person when your life hasn’t ever belonged to you before. I can’t think of a lot of other shows from 1968 that did that...?

And yet! I can see why this has never been released on home media, and why it was cancelled after one season. It’s a fascinating piece of television history, but not really a show I can heartily recommend.

[toerrishumansodontbeone]

.

Everywhere else seems too shameful to share(though I did anyway) & elaborate on, because those places are full of legitimate knowledgeable pros/artists, but uhhhh,

so I think I want to become a tattoo artist?

But seeing as I am the person that I am, living in the place that I am, knowing the language as badly as I do and having the anxiety that I do that makes it appear even more basic, I don't think I really can go the traditional route of studio apprenticeships.

And the loud majority of studio tattooers will of course tell you to never ever how even dare you try to do ANY tattooing on your own!!!! To the point of actively discouraging even buying a machine at all, even just for practice skins. Just draw a lot and go spend 1-3 years in an unpaid grueling apprenticeship where maybe they'll let u do something in a year or so uwu (tho there are also ppl fighting the gatekeeping) ( n some apprentices Ive seen whove started doing serious practice within a few months)

But yea so,,, thats why tbh it feels embarrassing to even mention me wanting to, even though on the other hand thats also.... the way to put any sort of attention on you, to garner interest from prospective mentors and amass future clients....... but also god its nerve wrecking thinking some local pro is looking at my stuff with disdain and mockery.

It just sucks how much language is a barrier for me. I'm not confident enough to just barge in talking in english even if they prob know the language fine enough.

Ontop of that its kinda sad I had all this sustained motivation for several days in a row but then I made the mistake of posting some little designs online. Because I was excited about it I of course expected excitement back. A response! A showering of praise and acceptance!

But the need for social validation is a poisonous pit and it never gives back quite what you give it. I knew it would not give me the validation and would ruin things and make me doubt myself and still I was hopeful and wanted it to be different and maybe a little bit more like the old times,,,

Its so hard to keep up my own confidence, as essential as it is to human psychology. I cant even create those little wins to sustain any real growth in myself. I just keep regressing and becoming worse. Im a hermit but one that doesnt even have any real community to turn to even online..........ughhhhhhh.

This is a very unstructured ramble, but its felt so fruitless having all these thoughts clogging my brain and nobody to talk to about them.

I dont know. Now I suddenly got back into writing and making more significant progress on my story/possibly novella.

and inbetween I thought more and more of how tattoo artist is the antithesis of me. I cannot pull my own clients, I cannot talk to people and make them want to keep coming back for my company, I could not do the receptionist duties for an apprenticeship, I do not even have an appropriate space to tattoo if it ever came to that AND renting even v small offices is stupid expensive at first glance. So I could not start doing that without already having a steady stream of clients.

Tattooing feels like a level of responsibility I could handle, it feels like it would be an interesting new craft to explore, w techniques to master, a different kind of self expression........ but thats all idyllic theory. No career path really fits me and it comes back down again to me being so unable to change my social ineptitude. Its such a waste how I had some modicum of comfort and progress in that sphere my last few years in Latvia,, and it fell apart just because it was so unsustainable financially......... N now that Ive been comfortably settled for a while in austria, just being financially stable and comfortable isnt enough...

Insanely Ive been wondering if the economy has evened out some in LV that I could come back.......but theres no way I would even physically *survive* through some unpaid apprenticeship there.....

[mostlymalena]

April 8th 2024 1:31am

Okay this will be an ugly and unstructured note - it is ab my mental so, expected.

The contributors to how I am feeling I will be as follows

Period

Eclipse

Retrograde

Nostalgia has a fucking gun to my head. I have not felt insecure about my physicals appearance in so long - maybe that Is why I dyed my hair????

Something about me is off kilter. I am feeling so fucking stuck in the past and it just feels confusing.

I am rehashing old arguments, debating with myself about my career. Ive been SO anti social and not wanted to leave my house. Very unlike me. Not accepting suitors either.

I am just content being along but it feels wrong. I think I am meant to be in a resting period - I did pull the hermit the other day.

I feel like I am in an in-between. Im holding onto the past and what could have been and I am very afraid of the future. I was so comfortable in the chaos without it I feel naked.

Where has my poetry gone???

I need to cry. I did cry actually today! I was watching spider man and I paused it bc I got bored and so then I masterbated and after I started bawling. My period wants me to kill myself!!!

I am going to re-read old post and maybe write some more.

I will also be uploading some written journals so I can have a full year on here at least.

[jean-dieu]

May I had how much playing a tiefling had an impact in WOTR compared to BG3.

I played tieflings in both, and BG3 felt quite inconsistent with how people react to tiefling. Most of them don't give a shit about it, except for Aradin and Kagha (especially if you're a tiefling druid). A few tiefling refugees do make a few comments if you're one but that's about it.

The impact playing as a tiefling does have in WOTR is so much more important AND interesting. Being the Knight-Commander of a crusade against demons when you have fiendish heritage yourself is most of the time quite well taken into account.

There's litterally a bunch of tieflings that come up to you explaining that THEY choose to side with crusaders this time because for once they feel like they're not going to be treated like ennemies. You're having an impact on society.

Karlach being a tiefling is really not explored at all. SHE FOUGHT IN HELLS, GODDAMIT. Why isn't it explored more? She could have been a gnome it would barely change her story at all.

Meanwhile, Woljif in the Abyss comments how even there tieflings are treated like shit. He has to face his own heritage. Choosing between his freedom as a mortal or power as a demon. So many of his rambles are about how fucked up his childhood was BECAUSE he's a tiefling in a country torn apart by a war against demon. Not even mentioning his ending. He spends the game being very money-driven, being a thief and growing poor... And once he gets rich post crusade, he actually acts sensible with his fortune and even found a charity for street urchin as he knows what it's like.

In BG3 and DnD, tieflings were forced into exile from Elturel because they are tiefling. And it's barely explored. Yes, they mention it, but it feels so generic despite the premise being very interesting. Gods, can we talk about Zevlor? He spent his life being devoted to the city protection only to be thanked like that? He was a Hellrider, that's not nothing!

In WOTR, in term of minor NPCs that are tieflings, there's the Thieflings. And I love thieflings so much too. A gang of thief, with only tieflings. They're not cultists so they're absolutely not siding with demons, but crusaders? No. Why would they? They've only treated them like utter shit. They're just in their own camp, trying to survive, right ? And yet. When you help them, and it's just HELPING ONE OF THEM GETTING OUT OF RUBBLES, so just... Basic kindness in the middle of a war, and boom! They agree to help you, taking part in a dangerous mission as scouts.

Sorry my rambles are the most unstructured shit ever but I NEEDED TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT TIEFLINGS.

Hi! Do you mind elaborating on what you meant by "tiefling politics" on that wotr vs bg3 post? Just curious, ignore if you want

its about the fact that bg3 has a lot of tiefling characters, somehow more than wotr, and huge theme of like hells and connections to demons\devils and somehow manages to say absolutely nothing interesting about it.

in wotr we have examination of tieflings fitting into human society, ostracization and (literal) demonization of them, where even if some of them would want to help in war against hell, they are scared (frex, group of tieflings thieves you save which you can ask to help u and they are like are u kidding me, crusaders will torch us). woljif in particular is a deconstruction of selfish chaotic neutral tielfling rogue archetype, his story both exploring how both he was pushed into being a criminal bc he had no other options, but also interplay with how he then himself tends to dismiss his own agency in being able to decide for himself and choose better, forever excusing himself with "well this is a crappy hand dealt to me", his survivalist attitude of everyone for themselves vs desire for community, how when given a smidge of stability and access to decision making in council, he tries to awkwardly, but eagerly advocate for societal improvement for all tieflings, and this is one of his most sincere moments - and gets laughed at immediately, etc etc. and speaking of community, v interesting intersection between "good" and "bad" marginalized groups of mongrels vs tieflings, with Lann being self-righteous about both his moral superiority and how mongrels "have it worse", while ignoring that mongrels - and he himself specifically - are mistreated literally bc they are mistaken for tieflings.

btw if anyone wants me to talk more about mongrels vs tieflings thing, hit me up, i think there was a interesting stuff, even if not properly dramatized

meanwhile in bg3 being tiefling largely means nothing? like the refugees would sometimes like drop a line out loud about how tieflings should stick together bc humans won't help them, but like that's it. the refugees could literally be humans running from war or blue cat ppl from avatar running from capitalism and nothing in the plot or characters would need to be changed. tieflings is just cosmetics for them, like idk its cool to have colorful NPCs with fire eyes and sexy horns. And even companions wise, you know I love Karlach and tried to romance her, but being tiefling is just looks for her, its not meaningful. It doesn't matter for her backstory, she could have been a strong human from poor background who was sold out to idk, underdark. like it sucked bc she was forced to do violence and everyne was an asshole and she couldn't see sun, but otherwise it being Blood War specifically doesn't come into play. and like. Blood War has famously huge effects on ppl with hell heritage! I'm not saying she should have been Valen Shadowbreath with entire plotline about struggling with blood war calling, but like. idk, something?

my point is that tieflings and hell has a lot of lore and like, FLAVOUR in this setting, which were not explored at all. these are just ppl with horns and generic Bad Place.

and then like. devil essentialism. bg3 has central motive of how evil races are not ontologically evil, but like, devils are. sdfghjk. apparentely mind flayers can fight actual mind control if they are V Special, but all devils/demons are evil with no exceptions. karlach was in hell for 10 years and never met a single sympathetic devil. the closest one he had mocks IS Evil when we meet her in game. and I actually liked Raphael (transition could've saved her), but there is nothing particularily interesting about him, he's also straighforwardly evil. this severely limits how interesting interactions with hell are. in wotr there is a wide range from reformed succubus to most evil sadists, with every shade in between, which allows for complex stories, like that that fucked up love between that betrayer dwarf and demoness who seduced him. she's legit evil, but she also has actual twisted affection for him, and he knows she uses him, but he was pushed too far by humans and chooses her anyway. this background story is honestly has more depth than wyll's and mizora relationship, where shes just evil and he's straighforwardly martyr. when mizora offered to have fun wink wink, i immediately knew she's gonna Evil It. and she did. and she didn't even get anything out of it! it was just staining your soul to be evil:3 like ok, but boring tbh.

and like yeah war with hell is central plot of wotr, obviously it has a lot more to say and explore about it, but like. bg3 didn't HAVE to have to include so many tieflings and have us follow their stories through all acts. it didn't have to include hell in "no race essentialism" game if it didn't want to talk about it. it chose to, and when game has big chuncks of content about smth connected by a theme, i expect it to say smth about it? anything interesting? eh.

btw, this is not to say i think wotr's writing is perfect, far from it, i can talk for ages of my problems with that game's writing, but this initial phrase was from shitposts specifically comparng things in wotr to bg3, so