#unsolved: paro

[arguablynotwicked]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej Characters: Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Detectives Series: Part 3 of Unsolved: Pâro Summary:

A shocking discovery in the woods brings back difficult emotions for Detective Shane Madej.

Warning: Text includes suicide.

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

A somewhat comprehensive guide on my favourite greek islands:

written by me, a Peloponnesian girl who fucking loves islands and has a lot of opinions <3

1. Skopelos (Σκόπελος)

• mama mia island

• by visiting skopelos, you too can be the dancing queen

• the island where the best first mama mia movie was filmed

• i wanna go there so bad <33

2. Lesbos (Λέσβος)

• gay sex

• need i say more

• technically, evey woman living in Lesbos is a lesbian

3. Mykonos (Μύκονος)

• gay sex (mlm edition)

• tourist hell (derogatory)

• μυκονoοοοός 💅💅✨

4. Crete (Κρήτη)

• minoan crete was literally the first developed civilization to ever exist in Europe and also. unbelievably cool.

• one of my favourite phases of greek history actually

• old men with impressive mustaches WILL hunt you down and force you to drink raki. It's better if you don't fight it. 📿

• everyone has a funny accent here. Also everyone's last name ends in -aki

• my mother's last name ends in -aki. Apparently i am some part cretan and I didn't even know untill recently.

• godd i love crete so much

5. Santorini (Σαντορίνη)

• also known as Thera (Θήρα) which also means door in posh greek???

• Minoan civilization swag

• actually an inactive volcano? That's what killed the Minoans (it wasn't always inactive)

• the sudden destruction of the settlements of Santorini is probably what inspired the Atlantis myths

• fast forward four thousand years into the future: this island is now tourist hell volume 2 (electric bungalow)

• Mykonos and Santorini. What a duo.

• went there once when i was four. I don't really remember much.

• if you want to build a house in Santorini the government will force you to paint it blue and white. Gotta keep up with the theme.

• 🧿🧿

6. Ithaki (Ιθάκη)

• travel to Ithaki fast and safely! Prove to everyone that you are better than Odysseus!!!

• I don't really have an opinion on Ithaki other than that, i just think it's funny

7. Paros ( Πάρος )

• this post was originally named " A somewhat comprehensive guide on my favourite greek islands: written by me, a bitter Peloponnesian girl who despite her best wishes, won't be going on any vacation this year" but then my uncle who lives in the usa and whose mother is from paros decided to take me and my sibling with him on vacation to paros.

• im literally so happy you guys have no idea

• 🎶 στην Πάρο και στην Νάξοοο, τον αέρα σου να αλλάξω 🎶💃

• I didn't really have an opinion on paros as an island before i booked tickets to go there but apparently it's the island that most mainland greeks prefer for summer vacation

• kyklades swag 💖💖🧿

And last, most controversial one but definitely not least:

8. Cyprus ( Κύπρος )

• you know em. You love em.

• Greece and Cyprus on Eurovision. A better love story than twilight.

• everyone fucking hates us for giving twelve points to each other every year but like. What did yall expect.

• you haven't truly laughed if you haven't watched a greek cypriot comedy.

• cypriot pitas. Where would i be without you.

• cretan greeks 🤝 Cypriot greeks

having a funny accent

• not going to analyse the history of Cyprus too much because i would rather not get political but. Leukosia is the world's last divided capital and that probably won't change for a while.

• "trying to solve the cypriot problem" is an expression we use over here to describe someone trying really hard to solve what is basically an unsolvable situation so. Yeah.

• this is not an island I want to visit for tourist-y reasons. It's a bit more personal than that.

[akamukade]

Catastrophie

Be informed - be aware….

The story you are about to read is real…only the names have been changed to protect my innocence.

Sorry for the length - but i think you will find it worth the read…

Breaking news - an unidentified stray cat is murdered on Fort Shafter,,,,film at eleven.

local law enforcement personnel are baffled about an unsolved murder that occurred sometime late Wednesday afternoon on Funston road on Fort Shafter. There were no eyewitnesses to this gruesome crime. An unidentified stray cat (whose name has not yet been determined) was viciously run over and left for dead at the side of the road. This case of hit and run was discovered by a DAC returning to her office after a strenuous workout at the local gym. The person who can only be identified as GOT noticed the mangled, crushed and lifeless carcass of the victim. GOT then heard a high pitched shrill and looked up. GOT observed a commercial moving van speeding past the scene of the crime and noticed one of the two heavily build Polynesian occupants screaming “oh No” as they passed the horrific scene. GOT returned to her office to collect her personal belonging and begin the long walk home for the day.

And now—the rest of the story…but first a pause of a moment of silence for the poor innocent cat that gave its life to allow the events that follow………

unbeknownst to GOT, the news of this Cat-astrophe spread throughout the office faster than an request for new hire. The sad news reached the feeder of the stray cats,and she went off in search of her kitty posse. We have identified the kitty posse as a person Who’s name is not known, the Knack, and the wonder twins (a 9, a 12, two - 14s and a 15) a combined annual salary of –well you know what I mean….

The kitty posse arrived on the scene the feeder, the unknown, and the lesser of the wonder twins. The feeder and the unknown sat on the low wall staring at the grizzly scene and cried tears of sorrow for the dearly departed that they barely knew. The Knack happened to walk by the now evolving and fully involved scene. The lesser of the Wonder twins ordered the knack to stand in the roadway and flag down passing cars to avoid the crushed and battered (and quite dead) victim from being pulverized further into the pavement. This situation man verses car created quit the safety crisis on the roadway. In fact so much so that the local law enforcement dispatched a squad car (thats what they were called back in the day) to investigate what the commotion was about.

Upon arrival, the local law enforcement officer quickly took control of the situation and began to ask - What the heck is going on, and why is the Knack standing in the middle for the road trying to flag down cars?!! Upon listening to the sad tale of the cat that no one really knew and its murder by blunt force trauma with a car, the sympathetic law enforcement official agreed to assist the kitty posse recover the now quite flat animal from the road. He found a cardboard box in the dumpster and they threw the cat in to the box. With the roadway clear and the game of man verses car complete the law enforcement officer got back into his squad car and made for the station (and the jumbo box of krispy cream donuts).

The kitty posse then began the great debate on what to do with the box that contained the deceased. This debate was of epic proportion and lasted near 60 minutes in the parking lot. In the end, the knack threw the box into the dumpster. all returned to the office to get back to the important work of serving those that protect democracy and justice in the Pacific and the world. Done…..

Well not exactly…upon reflection, the feeder did not feel right about the selected method of disposal. The Feeder got together with the lesser Wonder twin and devised a plan to recover the box and its contents. The lesser Wonder twin engaged the the older (and wiser) Wonder twin to execute the plan. The plan was simple, the older wonder twin would enter the dumpster, search for, and recover the box and its precious contents. The feeder, and the two wonder twins succeed in making the search and recovery of the box, and take it to the funeral parlor to have the victim cremated.

The feeder is now in possession of the cremated remains in a custom ceramic gold accented urn (The part about the urn is made up). The office will conduct a formal funereal service for the cremated cat that no one knew. All will be asked to say a few words or tell a fond remembrance in honor of the dearly departed. (I made this part up too).

Epilogue: The unknown has submitted a 4283 (FEWR) to install speed bumps along the stretch of Funston Road in an attempt to force traffic to slow down while traversing this part of the post so that no unknown cat will be put into mortal danger while truing to use the marked crosswalk to get to the food bowl placed by the feeder. The estimated cost to install speed bumps is estimated at ….. TBD.

Ok - i made up that part too - but the unknown did submit a request to install speed bumps get slow down traffic….

just another day at PARO-dise - What a Catastrophe!!