#unovadragoncongossip

[unovadragoncongossip]

REALLY NOW: Dragon Champion Lance and Dragon Gym Leader Claire will be flying to Unova... in the same plane! Do you think they’re seated next to each other?

[unovadragoncongossip]

<The sounds of an commotion can be heard, someone begging someone else not to do something. Then @professor-amaryllis comes into view dragging @prof-hemp420 who is calmly stating that "They HAVE to know. I can't keep it a secret anymore." Amy mumbles something and only the word "Lawrence" can heard Hemp, who was already starting to breath quickly, his eyes darting for an exit, goes stiff letting, seeming to completely black out. He lets out a shrieking roar and slams into Amy, his forehead colliding with their nose. There is a cracking noise and blood can be seen on both Hemp's forehead and Amy's face. Both clatter to the ground and hemp can be heard snarling. "NEVER call me that. Only one person was ever able…" Then silence for a few moments. Amy says something, but once again it's not picked up. Hemp looks around, at people filming his eyes wide. He's gasping for breaths, and looks as if he's going to faint. Then he scoops up Amy and begins running, his right leg obliviously in poor condition. They round the corner, and the filmer tries to follow them but gets lost in the press of the crowd.>

[unovadragoncongossip]

I’ve had it. I’m signing out. I do not condone today’s events, nor do I condone this publication’s callous treatment of the situation, and of people. People got hurt, and I want no more of this. 

I thought this was going to be a fun, lighthearted spin on real life reporting, but I was wrong, and I’m sorry.

And to my coworkers who laughed at all the deserved anon hate, get bent. Get Draco Meteored, even.

Reporter Q, signing off.

[unovadragoncongossip]

THIS JUST IN! Respected professors from Kalos, Paldea, and Kanto will be pushing to classify Flygon as a Bug-type! 99% chance of success here, folks!

[unovadragoncongossip]

and you should be six feet under, but look at us both defying the natural order 🤍

@zorros-arc

Fuck you

[unovadragoncongossip]

This publication is sponsored by Capri Sunkern: A Taste For Every Season!

[unovadragoncongossip]

Is Mew actually a Dragon-Type? Sources find that Mew’s genetic composition may allow it to learn Dragon Tail and Outrage! If we ever find it under the truck, that is. Find out more at this year’s Dragoncon “What Makes A Dragon” panel!

[unovadragoncongossip]

Just heard through the competitive grapevine: The move DRACO METEOR is going to be illegal in 80% of regions, if League trainers from Paldea get their say! Champion Lance from the Johto-Kanto League is especially incensed!

[unovadragoncongossip]

HEY GUYS: Did you know that in terms of Pokemon romance, two Salamences that have evolved holding the same Magnet are bound to each other for life? Find out more at this year’s DragonCon!  This dragon factoid sponsored by Four Gum: Stimulate your Style

[unovadragoncongossip]

SEEN ON TWITTER: Gym Leader Winona of Fortree City is far too busy and important to attend Dragoncon! We wonder what the other gym leaders think of this!

[unovadragoncongossip]

We have it on a VERY good source that Raihan will propose to Leon at this event!!! We'll share all the hints as they happen!!

[unovadragoncongossip]

Bzzt

Excuze me? Conzidering the name of the zite I'd zay Pokemon are perfectly allowed on Rotumblr. It'z bitchy humanz who zhould leave. -Zamzung the Rotom

Bzzt