#unlike when I'm sober when i overthink ebery single thing i do or don't do and every interaction feels like 4d chess
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I'm always like "Why do I feel so bad and weird today?" after a social occasion during which I drink alcohol and I go "Ohhh wait yeah that will do it." But do I learn anything? No.
#it's absurd because i don't even like anything about alcohol - i hate the taste; it's expensive; and even a single bottle of beer#or of anything else makes me lose the ability to walk and i just fall asleep#but you see at first I started drinking as a way to counter my eating disorder because i noticed that when I'm so goddamn tired that I can't#even walk straight; the nagging voice just... disappears. poof! just like that; nobody telling me to ignore my bodily signals#nobody guilt tripping me for even thinking about eating; nobody convincing me that the whole world somehow knows of every action#i take and they'll all judge me for eating and hate me for it#and then that need slowly went away in recovery but uh...on one occasion one of my friends said that under the influence of alcohol#i actually seem less drunk than i do when I'm sober and that i act more normal#and i guess that got kinda ingrained in my mind and now i sometimes feel like people like me more when I'm drunk#and like yeah i guess i might appear more normal when I'm through the half of my glass of Mojito#because i just...don't care about anything and my head's empty#unlike when I'm sober when i overthink ebery single thing i do or don't do and every interaction feels like 4d chess#but you know the morning after is hell on earth#and I'm always like 'why did i even do that?'
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