#unless i'm writing something with lots of blocking and movement

[olderthannetfic]

Re, this anon: https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/719669829313953792

Yeah, well... that's the point of a bunch of internet activists: they throw the stone and hide the hand, screeching that, if you're doubting their innocence, you're an imperialist racist who should never be allowed on the internet.

Stitch, the person they're picking up a lot of their schlock from, is a master in this: they attack people, and the moment those who got attacked ask what they've done that's wrong or ask to have a one-on-one conversation with them, they shut everything down, screenshot whatever they received, block the person, and then go on Twitter whining about being a victim of racism because their words weren't listened to like the Gospel. Over and over again.

After the TOG racefaker scandal broke, I went through her blog and, just as I had expected, she too followed the same modus operandi: attack, screenshot, block, cry about being a victim of racism because people didn't let her insult them and demanded explanations about her ranting, wannabe-academic, posts.

They're not the only ones who do/did this, but these are the two examples of constant "harassment is good if I do it, but I'm the only victim and the others deserved it" cycle that come to my mind as of now.

When you're looking at End OTW Racism, you have to expect the same thing. They don't have answers, they don't want to have answers. This whole movement (horribly organized, horribly promoted, horribly everything) is nothing but a huge stroke of ego for its organizers.

You know how antis accuse others of being racist or pedophiles or whatever else because, that way, the accused cannot defend themselves? This is the same thing: if the OTW doesn't address their manifesto, then they're racist because they refuse to acknowledge it; if the OTW does address their manifesto, then they're admitting that they didn't care about racism until the moment they were called out on it and their concern regarding racism within the OTW is manufactured.

It's a win-win situation for them because, no matter how much you try, if you don't fully and absolutely agree with them, you can be branded as racist.

If you scroll through the End OTW Racism tag on Twitter, you'll see plenty of people (and especially the organizers), tweet stuff in the same vein as "I went to olderthannet's Tumblr and oof," not so subtly accusing all the people who raised valid concerns and asked valid questions of being racist.

I'm also not the first person who mentions this, but Stitch does seem to be heavily involved with the project, and even if they weren't, their words have been used to build the manifesto, and they amplified this crap through one of their Teen Vogue articles.

Now... not only Stitch is known for acting in bad faith, attacking creators of colors, branding them as Uncle Toms, purposefully making fun of them if they don't agree with them and sending their followers to attack and harass, but, just in April, they were being dragged because of another article they wrote, in which they compared writing fics about bad fictional characters to worshiping serial killers. Weeks before that, they were being dragged because their fanbase of antis discovered that their fics included incest, something that goes greatly against their preachings.

How big of a coincidence is it, that Stitch needed to have their image cleaned of all sins and suddenly a group of people drops a manifesto and hashtag about racism in fandom, founding a movement Stitch fully and absolutely agrees with and can rave about for days on end? A movement that offers very vague answers and plans, and those creators attack anyone who doesn't immediately agree with them, to the point that no questions can be ever asked about it?

Unless I'm shown actual evidence that Stitch isn't involved with this, nothing will convince me that End OTW Racism was launched for any reason that isn't to rehabilitate Stitch in the eyes of their chronically online audience.

--

[callme-whatyoulike]

Part of the Band

ahhh, i actually really like this one. a couple of the lines came to me, and i just had to write them down. this one is actually mentioned a bit in "The Sound!" this was actually started before it, but i just finished it like yesterday. aaanyway. there's like, the itty-bittiest bit of smut. hope you enjoy, byeee ♡♡

I was at a party. I can't quite recall who's now, someone I didn't really know, only shared a mutual friend or two with. But now I'm being walked home. It's late. Not another soul seems to be awake, here in the suburbs. Only the dim glow of streetlamps greet us and light our path.

It's just me and Matty. No one else in the world.

And we're drunk off our asses.

Okay, maybe not entirely wasted. But it's a good thing I'm not walking alone. Though, Matty had about as much to drink as I did. We both know we shouldn't be alone together when we're this drunk. Not because we'll be killed or anything. But our judgment and good decision making skills are completely out the window.

Matty's laughing about something as I check back into reality, no longer fixated on the outline of the clouds against the moon.

"Sorry, what'd you say?"

"Jesus, you really are drunk. I've never seen you like this before."

"You haven't known me all that long."

"I suppose that's true." He thinks about this for a moment. "I do like to think I know you pretty well, though."

I laugh at this. "Do you, now?"

"I do."

"What do you know about me?"

He starts walking a little slower. Brushes some curls off of his forehead, only for them to fall right back in place. "Your favorite color is blue."

"What makes you say that?"

"You have a lot of blue clothes," he says simply, as if it made perfect sense.

"I just look good in blue."

He looks over at me. He says a little seriously, "Darling, you look good in everything." I look away from him, uncomfortable by his slight change in tone. His sincerity.

"What else?"

He thinks again. "You don't judge a book by its cover."

"That's true."

"You believe in second chances."

"Depends, but yes."

He falls silent. Thinking some more. In his silence, I say, "I know you also believe in second chances." Matty looks at me curiously.

"And that you don't take any sugar in your tea."

"Obviously."

I think some more. "It's hard when you're on the spot," he says quietly. We reach the block for my apartment and Matty begins walking even slower.

"I know...we'd probably be no good for each other," he says, almost laughing. I look at him curiously, but he's not looking at me. I'll play along then.

"Our egos are absurd," I agree.

"Among other issues."

"You don't even know my favorite color," I laugh.

We've reached my apartment, stopping at the front door. Matty stands in front of me, slightly less drunk but still nowhere near sober. I'm much the same. He's staring down at me, a strange expression written on his face.

Under the faded moonlight and the dim streetlamps, it's almost like he's glowing, the edges of his features etched out by warm light. His curly hair, his nose, his chin, even the small bit of his chest peeking out from his slightly unbuttoned shirt.

"I don't know what you're thinking, either," he tells me, not moving an inch.

"Probably bad things." I take a step closer to him and he takes this small movement as a sign to close the gap between us even further, grabbing my arm gently, drifting up to my shoulder, the neckline of my shirt, tracing my collarbone. "What are you thinking, Healy?" I ask, slightly breathless at his touch.

"Lustful things." I hum in response. Lift my hand to his chest, tracing my finger from between his collarbones, down his sternum. He nearly shudders at the action, his breathing laboring slightly.

"Thought you said we'd be bad for each other." I smile. "Unless you're admitting you're wrong, for a change?"

This makes him give a strangely shy smile. If I know one thing about Matthew Healy, it's that he's never shy. "Maybe I am," he replies. I rest my whole hand on his chest. His heart's practically beating out of it.

"Why don't you do something about it?"

He looks down at my lips, for just a second, leans in, and kisses me. It's like a wildfire, an explosion, setting us both off, spreading through our veins. Matty's hands grab my waist and we back up against the door, his body pressed against mine, his warmth spreading through my chest. My hands tangle into his hair, one of his gently holds my jaw. These kisses are heavy, desperate. Like he said, lustful. I'm guilty of the same thoughts.

Despite the heated desperation, I fumble with my keys, barely managing to open the door. I grab Matty by the collar of his shirt and pull him inside, slamming the door behind us, now pressing him against it, my hands finding their way back to his hair and his chest. He steadily holds my waist, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, brushing against my skin lightly but not daring to go any further.

Through breathless lips between kisses, I manage to say, "You can touch me."

He pulls away, looking me in the eyes. He tilts his head slightly. His voice is hoarse as he asks, "Are you sure?" There it is again. That shyness. It's endearing, in a way. So different from how Matty normally is. Self-assured, overconfident, egotistical Matty, caving in from a kiss.

I find myself, against my better judgment, reaching for his face, my thumb brushing his bottom lip, his cheekbone, his jaw. My heartbeat quickens. Not from the heat of the moment or the thought of what's going to happen next, but from the way he's looking at me, really looking, his hesitation, asking if this is okay.

An awful, strange, fluttering feeling runs through my chest; I'm nervous. I realize this is no longer driven just by lustful thoughts and drunken actions. I think he does, too. But we can deal with that another time.

"I'm sure."

Without any hesitation, Matty's hands are trailing up my back and his lips are against mine. I unbutton his shirt, exploring his shoulders, his chest, his ribs. He shrugs the shirt off, our mouths breaking apart, and he takes this opportunity to pull my shirt over my head. We stop, for just a moment, taking each other in. I've never seen him shirtless before...he has more tattoos than I thought.

"You're gorgeous," he whispers, echoing my own thoughts. At a loss for words, all I can think to do is kiss him again, desperate to speed this up, desperate for his hands all over me. I kiss his neck as he begins fiddling with the clasp of my bra. "God," he groans. "Where's the bedroom?"

I grab his hand and lead him away.

[sabraeal]

Hey! I have been a long time fan of your work and I recently converted from being a long time lurker reader on ao3 to becoming a writer. Do you have any tips for new writers? Specifically about actions and dialogue. Whenever I try to write its always ends up being character study or introspection. Thank you!

Oh jeeze nonnie, you asked this forever ago and I'm sorry to have made you wait! First off, thank you for dropping into my inbox and saying hi! I love when people delurk to come talk to me! Second, let me try to give you so basic writing advice-- it may not work for everyone, but this is the way I tend to approach action & dialogue.

ACTIONS

I assume you don't mean big sprawling fight scenes but rather the little bits you sprinkle in scenes and between dialogue, so my best piece of advice is: draft. Sit down with a blank page and write the scene as you see it-- don't worry about getting every bit onto the paper, or it reading well. If you are going to throw a pot, you have to get clay on the wheel. Your first draft is all clay-- you want as much of your thoughts there as possible.

Second: read that draft. Think about all the things that don't quite work, or could be better elsewhere, or really need to be cleaned up. NOW start your second draft. This one is where you refine the concepts you set down before. I prefer to use a whole new word doc because I feel beholden to words already in front of me otherwise, but some people prefer to just tweak on the page...do whatever allows you to work best. No judgement.

There's a whole art to doing a second draft, but that's a lot to cover, so let's dial in to action. Here is where you want to refine the actions you've already written, and replace things like repetitive dialogue tags with something that does more heavy lifting. There are two rules to these minor actions:

They must have purpose

They must be interesting

It's best to remember is that lots of actions are implied, which means you don't have to describe the doing unless it's relevant. If two characters are walking somewhere and talking, you don't have to keep reminding the reader they are walking, unless some part of it is exceptional, or would provide development to their characters. Is one struggling to keep up? Are they winded? Do they have to take two steps to the other person's one? Or conversely, do they have to shorten their stride to make in comfortable? Do they have FEELINGS about it? All that is more interesting than saying "he said as they walked."

If you do have an action that must be described-- say someone has to walk across a room to get them in position for another action later, you don't want to say "She walked across the room." Do they saunter or creep? Are they going over there to do something in particular? Find the thing that readers will care about that action and dial in on that. Is you POV character crossing the room because they are having an EMOTION? Focus on that rather than the movement.

You also don't want to bog down sections with too much movement; when you go through your draft-- and also, your edits-- think about whether lines are necessary. The biggest mistake most people make in prose is not trusting the reader to pick up what you're putting down. Get away with as little blocking as you can, and let the reader fill in the small details.

DIALOGUE

The best advice I ever got for learning how to do dialogue is: listen to people. When I was in high school & college, I had a notebook where I wrote down stuff people said every day that was funny or meaningful, and I would look at how people said things, the small tics each speaker has, what bit of their voice sounded unique to me. It also helped a lot with understanding what made something a "ya had to be there" joke, and what actually stayed funny months after being written down.

When you first start to write a character, you want to think about what makes their voice unique. Word choice matters a lot in dialogue; some people have large vocabularies and use them, some people prefer to stick to more common words, and some use as few words as possible. You also want to avoid the Joss Whedon effect: everyone is equally quippy, and the few differences between their jokes are based on a few character traits. You want to think about whether someone would make a comment...and also how they would say it.

It's really easy in a comedy fic to try to keep the joke going by having every line parceled out the way you say it in your own head-- and in a first draft, you should let it happen! But in the second draft, slow down and ask if that's the way a joke or conversation would go with these characters. I've had some scenes I've loved in first draft that had to be all turned about because Shirayuki is truly a joke ruiner when it comes to timing...but also taking that into account can really elevate a scene. And just like in canon, it makes the times she does get her quips in even more funny.

[igarbagecannoteven]

i was talking to my mom the other day about reading (i can’t remember why) and she was talking about how differently we read. i read the way a sprinter runs, speedy and all at once, while she reads rather slowly and methodically. (she also argues that i tend to remember a lot more than she does about plots which may be true but i’d argue that it’s complicated, but i digress.) she then said that when she reads its like there’s a narrator in her head reading every word, and also that the main difference is that i read blocks of text at a time (which idk maybe? if i think too hard about it i can’t read normally so who knows) while she reads each word at a time (hence why it’s like an audiobook.) then she asked if i visualize the plot of a book like a movie, and was very surprised when i said i didn’t, which got me thinking about how fascinating it is that there are so many ways for individuals to experience the mere act of reading. (for me, reading is like what i’d imagine it would feel like to speed down a highway if you didn’t have anxiety, but also like looking over the side of a boat while the water goes past below you. i could go into the details if someone wants me to but i won’t here bc it’s not the point.) like, it’s not really something we talk about, the way we experience processing text in general, and i bet there are a lot more ways than just the three we talked about. it’s so crazy! i’d be really interested to know how that affects the way people experience fic and if it makes the way the characters/plot is viewed different for each person. also, could it affect the way a person writes? is my writing process and/or style different bc of the way i consume prose? i have no clue!! and that’s so cool!!! (i’d love to hear other people’s thoughts and about the way you read 👉👈 only if you want to tho)

[the-travelling-witch]

Hiiii I'm here for the constellation game!!

2 - Al- Haytham (or pick another genshin character if you're not comfy with him ❤️)

mariii, good to see you!! thank you so much for joining!! finally, writing for al-haitham even though i haven’t finished the archon quest yet ehe~

i went into this thinking everyone would be rolling 3s or 6s but apparently 2 is the choice number jshsh; slow dancing is one of my favourite tropes and i hope i did both the trope and al-haitham justice with this piece ♡

MOONLIT DREAMS

trope: slow dancing [space nr. 4]

pairing: al-haitham x gn!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: none, just floof <3

second constellation event masterlist

Leaning onto the parapet of one of the many raised platforms in Sumeru City, you rested your head in your hand as you let out a dreamy sigh. Before your eyes, one of the most beautiful sunsets you had seen in a long time coloured the sky in the most vibrant shades of pink, red and yellow. It seemed as though nature wanted to celebrate alongside the people of Sumeru, the chatter and music of the festival in the streets below audible even where you were standing.

“It's almost magical, isn't it? Just look at all the pretty colours, Haitham~” you sighed again, melting a little more into the hand supporting your head.

“Actually, there's really nothing magical about it at all. We perceive sunsets and sunrises to be colourful because of a phenomenon called light scattering.” Al-Haitham had closed the book he was reading and came to stand next to you, looking towards the setting sun in time to miss you rolling your eyes. “The scatter is caused by small particles and molecules in the air changing the direction of the incoming light rays. Although, the colour we perceive is determined by the size of the particles and the wavelength of the light. Red has the longest wavelength of all to us visible light, so when the sun is at the horizon and the light has the longest path through the atmosphere, all other colours are blocked out. That's why we deem sunsets to have a reddish colour.”

“You don´t say; I thought it was actual magic and someone painted the sky every evening. Way to kill the mood, nerd,” you deadpanned before bumping your shoulder into his. After all, you didn't mind him going on scientific tangents, otherwise you wouldn't be able to stand being near him all the time. Besides, his voice was delightful to listen to, so he could talk all he wanted. 

Tearing your eyes away from the horizon, you focused it instead on the illuminated streets below. The festival was in full swing now as people ate, drank, chatted and danced. “Looks like it's getting pretty lively down there.”

“You know how people get when there´s something to celebrate, they lose all inhibitions.” Subtly, Al-Haitham shifted to study your expression out of the corner of his eye. “But I guess, it's not a bad thing to let loose every once in a while. Do you want to go down and join them?”

“No, not yet. I´d rather stay up here with you for a little longer.” Shifting your weight to look at him properly, you tried to gauge his reaction but he's always had a pretty impressive poker face. “Unless you don't want to?”

“No, I think you´re far better company than any I could find down there, so I don´t mind at all.”

“That's good to know,” you smiled before your attention was drawn to where a band had started playing. You recognised the song immediately. It was a popular romantic waltz and couples flocked to the centre of the plaza hand in hand. Oh, how you longed to share such a dance with someone one day. Against all your might, the butterflies in your stomach were fluttering towards the man next to you and you tried to shake the feeling by concentrating on the movements on the streets again.

There were a lot of things you could say about Al-Haitham. But not that he was dumb. And he wasn't oblivious either. Naturally, he had noticed the ‘stolen’ glances you had sneaked his way when you thought he wasn't looking. He had also observed how your face lit up when you saw him or when he remembered your favourite flower he ‘just happened to come across’ during his expeditions. But up until now, it had never been the right moment to tell you how he felt. Or, at least, that was what he told himself when he let another chance pass by.

There was something compelling about the way you looked under the festival lights though. And when Al-Haitham saw the dazed look in your eyes as if you observed something magnificent in the far distance, he decided to take a leap that night. Holding out his hand to you, he cleared his throat to bring you back to the present.

“May I have this dance?”

Right off the bat, he knew it had been worth it when the surprise on your face morphed into genuine joy, the smile you offered him, as you placed your hand in his, more vibrant than the past sunset. Guiding you to the centre of your own little dance floor, he did his best to focus on you and not on the pounding of his heart.

Unbeknownst to the man in front of you, you were trying very hard not to trip over your own feet before the dance had even begun. With the way the blood was thumping in your ears, you doubted you´d be able to make out the beat of the music over it. When you came to a halt in front of your dancing partner, your brain had finally caught up with what was happening and that it was actually happening.

Just to have that moment of clarity whisked away from you again the second Al-Haitham placed his hand on your lower back and pulled you closer to his strong chest. With his lips nearly brushing your ear, he lowly whispered “Is this okay?”

You were very proud of yourself for the stammered “Yeah” you managed to breathe, not being under the impression your vocal chords could create a sound at all.

It turned out you needn't worry about hearing the music in the first place. Al-Haitham was an excellent dancer, confidently guiding you through the motions with measured steps and an elegance that was befitting of royalty, yet was also so very him. Needless to say, it didn't take long for you to fall into step with him and forget the world around you. Right now, it was just the two of you.

“I didn't know you could learn how to dance from being surrounded by books all day,” you joked to alleviate your nerves.

“Why so surprised?” he questioned, “I'm hardly the type of scholar to hole myself up in the library all day long.”

“Clearly,” you mumbled. Suddenly, you were hyper-aware of the defined muscle your left hand was resting against.

Despite your nerves being set ablaze by the proximity, you couldn't possibly tear your eyes away from his dual-coloured ones. He seemed to downright glow under the moonlight, his bright hair catching and scattering the gleam in such a way he seemed to be adorned by a halo. And to you, he could´ve very well been ethereal.

The song slowed down and you went from effortless turns and twists to a gentle sway, like two flowers bending in a breeze. At first, you were confused as to why Al-Haitham released your hand. Then, your lips parted in surprise when he slowly laced his fingers through yours, gaze lingering on your now intertwined hands. The way he looked at you was so soft, you thought your knees might have buckled and given out were it not for him holding you upright.

“I haven't dreamt in a long time but if I had, I think this is what my dream would have looked like.” There was such an unfamiliar vulnerability in his voice it might have startled you in any other situation but right in this moment, blanketed by the light of the moon and a million stars, unveiling true emotions seemed the most natural course of action. “(Y/n), there is something I´ve been meaning to tell you and I´ve realised I can't wait any longer. No matter what your answer will be, I will accept it, so long as it is the truth.”

“Al-Haitham..” You gave his hand a reassuring squeeze as you fought hard to keep your hopes from soaring to the sky lest they came crashing down around you should your heart be broken by the one who had held it so carefully up until now.

“I´ve never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. Normally, concentrating on my research is no problem at all but lately I´ve been finding it hard to focus when thoughts of you cloud my mind. Whether it´s debating asking you to join me for lunch or wondering if you'd like one of the pins in the shop display, it's as if I can´t go anywhere without being reminded of you. It´d be maddening if it was anybody else. But because it's you… I don't mind.” He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply before holding your gaze once again. “What I'm trying to say is, I like you, (Y/n). A lot. The only question remaining is whether you feel the same for me?”

“You´re just full of surprises, aren't you?” You couldn't suppress the joyous giggle bubbling out of you but before he could retreat his hand from yours, you tightened your hold. “I guess that's just one of the things I like about you. A lot, I dare say.”

“Just what have I gotten myself into with you?” Despite his words, he couldn´t hide the spark amidst turquoise and orange nor the amusement tugging at his lips.

“You said you'd accept my answer as long as it was the truth and considering I was being very honest just now, you have to live with it. It's too late to backtrack,” you teased.

“Oh, I wasn't trying to take anything back. I'm merely starting to devise counter measures for the brat I seem to have on my hands. I have a few ideas already.” With one swift tug on your still intertwined hands, you collided with his solid chest, the hand on the small of your back making sure you´d also stay there. The fingers of his left hand danced along your jawbone in feather-light motions, leaving goosebumps in their wake. As you watched a smug smirk settle on his handsome face, you wondered just what you had gotten yourself into. Following the movement of his thumb over your bottom lip in a barely-there caress, Al-Haitham contemplated a moment before speaking again.

“It seems to me as if dreams might not be so nonsensical after all.”

tag list: @mccnstruck

[calif0rnia-lovers]

safe haven.

A/N: Don’t mind me, just giving J a normal high school romance--one where his family is not involved. Set in S1 of Animal Kingdom. First time writing for this guy, so let me know what you think 

Pairing: Josh Cody x Black!OC

Rating: 💙 A soft piece with the youngest Cody, and the girl he tries to keep secret from his new found family. 

Request: Convincing J to study bc he's too caught up in the family business to worry about midterms

Words: 3.3k

Josh tightens his grip, crushing the letter in his hand. Left inside the unaddressed envelope, the letter remains unread. There is no point in reading it. J got the gist of the letter from the conversation with the counselor. He discards the crumpled mess in a nearby trash can.

The end of the school week produces a flood of excited teenagers emptying into the parking lot.

J's mind is on the previously discarded letter.

It was a letter of truancy, addressed to his grandmother, his current guardian. It has been months since the passing of J's mother. The school's patience has spread thin. His grades have not dropped, but his attendance has.

His mind is on the letter when he fishes his keys out of his front pocket. His pace slows before he comes to a complete stop a few feet short of his truck. The truck is where he left it, but there's a new addition.

It now has a powder blue backpack on the hood. Seated beside the backpack is the prettiest girl in school.

Cori Edwards has a familiar pair of black shades concealing her dark brown eyes -- now J remembers where he left them. She has abandoned the denim jacket he caught a glimpse of her in earlier. A knowing smile spreads across her face as she watches his eyes linger on the sundress she wears. As his eyes return to hers, J can't deny the smile on his lips.

The last time he saw Cori, for longer than the brief seconds they pass in the halls, was a month ago. This year, it appeared fate wanted to test the two. They had the same classes, the same teachers, but never at the same time. A few months ago, this meant they spent all of their free time stealing kisses at lunch and in the halls. They would then make up for lost time as soon as the school bell rang.

But things have changed too much. 

J's mother didn't keep track of his movements. His grandmother and uncles, J came to learn, analyze his actions. Keeping secrets has become second nature to him since moving into the Cody House. The one secret he swore he'd never reveal was Cori. He hasn't introduced her to Smurf or his uncles. He hasn't shared much about how his life has changed, upon his moving into their house, with Cori.

After so many vague responses, Cori understood it was better not to ask questions. She didn't want to spend her limited time arguing with J. Only, in the last month their limited face time has dwindled. Fizzed out to nothing.

A few texts here. A few long spread out phone calls there.

It was after one of those texts that their last reunion had taken place.

J might have been slightly drunk -- sober enough to drive, and park his truck a block from Cori's parent’s house. He had climbed through her bedroom window. The act itself was not graceful. His tumble through the window at three am woke her dad. Her dad came in to find Cori “still sleeping,” the toppled over AP Calculus and Physics books on the floor enough incentive for him to return to bed.

Once the coast was clear, J managed to strip before climbing into bed alongside her. All she received was a quick kiss before his arm was around her. He was out before his head hit the pillow. He left Cori with no time to inquire about his reasoning behind showing up drunk. Or about the black eye and busted lip. He had to sneak out in the morning before her parents got up.

Rumor has it J’s been showing up to school, even if Cori's rarely seen him there. He shows up for three days, almost like clockwork. Technically, it is enough to stop the school from legally reporting him for truancy. Until the counselor concluded it was time J stopped playing that game--which brings us to J's current situation.

He's standing in the parking lot, keys in hand, staring at his girlfriend -- at least he thinks she's still his girlfriend. Is it weird if he leads with that question?

As he stands before her, the only thought in his mind is how much he's missed her smile.

Jingling the keys in his hand, J regards the innocent smile on Cori's lips before shaking his head.

“You got a tracker on me, I don’t know about, Edwards?”

“Nope. It’s just a Cody sighting is kind of a big deal in these halls,” Cori sighs lightly as her eyes pass over the crowded parking lot. “Word gets around pretty fast when you actually show up.”

Cori’s words don't receive a verbal response. Her eyes are covered, but J knows what look lies inside them. The look causes his eyes to avoid hers. His hand rubs against the back of his neck, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

"Haven’t seen you around lately, Josh." She continues, the warmth of her fingers against his chin lifting J's gaze. Cori raises her sunglasses, her eyes passing over his face. "Nice to know your black eyes is gone."

"Yeah--sorry about that night." The smile on his lips is sheepish as he watches her study his face. He mentally kicks himself for the following line--he knows it's getting old. He says it anyway. "I had some family stuff-"

"That left you drunk with a black eye and busted lip?"

J takes in her raised brow, his shoulders sink.

What can he say?

I got my ass kicked after I was caught in the act of stealing some guy's car. Granted, my uncle saved my ass, but not before I got a black eye and busted lip?

No. He can't say that.

If he does, then he would have to explain why he was stealing a car in the first place. And that is a rabbit hole J isn't willing to jump down--not with her.

The passing of her fingers through his hair causes J to speak up.

"Sorry. I know you're tired of bullshit excuses." He shakes his head.

"I'm used to it," Cori sighs, her hands falling to her lap.

Before he can stop himself, J's hands are on her thighs pulling her closer. His lips are on hers.

"I'm sorry. You look nice," he smiles as his lips press a second kiss against hers.

"Hmm?"

"I’m serious," he chuckles as his hand finds her waist.

"Trust me, I know it’s true," she laughs. "I’m just trying to figure out why it’s taken you so long to say it."

"I’ve been busy," he begins. "With-"

"Family stuff," Cori nods, her hand waving to dismiss the subject. "I know, but that's not what I tracked you down for. I have so graciously blessed you with my presence because you owe me two things."

"What are they?" J's brow arches, a soft smile on his lips.

Cori drops her hand for his cheek. J's eyes remain on her as she leans back, weight resting against her palms.

"I need a ride home," she lightly pats the hood of the car. "And I need a study buddy."

J lets off a light scoff at the latter.

If there is one undisputed fact, it is Cori's academic ranking. She is top of their class. Between the two, J needs a study buddy to catch up to her perfect GPA.

"Okay. When?"

"Tonight, genius," her eyes roll as she pushes against his shoulder. "Josh, please don’t tell me you forgot we have midterms Monday."

J's eyes briefly drift shut.

"Shit--I have a family thing tonight."

"When?” Cori smiles as his eyes pass over the parking lot. The corners of J's lips turn up into a smile before his gaze returns to hers. “I’m just saying...it’s technically not nighttime yet…and being as you haven't seen me in ten thousand years...the least you can do is study with me...”

"What’s it gonna take for me to get out of this?"

Cori pauses to think.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Shaking her head, Cori smiles as her hands find his shoulders. "There is absolutely nothing that you can give me for me to drop this."

"Damn."

"Unless,” Cori bites back her smile as her playful eyes meet his. “You want to tell me how much you missed me.”

“If that’s it,” J sighs, his lips stopping short of hers, “You might want to go ahead and find another ride home--”

“Shut up,” she giggles as his hands find her waist.

Helping her down, J steals a kiss before following Cori to the passenger side of his truck.

"I'm just giving you a ride home."

"Uh-huh." Turning to face him, she smiles as his lips press against hers.

She allows him a second kiss as J's arm wraps around her waist.

“To sweeten the deal,” she beams. “I’ll even let you take me out.”

"What is it?"

Cori's eyes remain on the surfers visible from the parking lot. She watches the girl who manages to ride the swell longer than the rest of the group. When she glances across the truck, she discovers J watching her. 

"What do you mean?" 

A low chuckle escapes J as he watches Cori busy herself with the task of finishing her milkshake. 

"What's on your mind?"

Despite her asking him to stop and grab something to eat, Cori hasn't said much to J. Even if she had, he knew her well enough to grasp Cori was waiting to ask him something. Her brown eyes raise to meet his gaze before she lets out a breath. 

"It's kinda stupid."

"Coming from you?" His brow arches as his fingers interlace with hers. "I doubt it."

Cori's gaze remains on their interlaced fingers as she speaks.

"It's just, the winter formal is coming up. I figured we could go together."

She glimpses up once her suggestion is met with silence. J's brow is a furrowed, a hesitant smile on his lips. 

His thoughts are racing--he's praying this is the initial time she's breached the subject. That he hadn't missed any hints in his haze the past weeks.

"Seriously? You never want to go to those things."

Cori's eyes roll. J's right. In the last two years, neither of them have attended the school’s dances. 

She bites her lip before opting to take another sip of her strawberry shake. 

"You really wanna go?" A light shrug is what J gets in response. "If you want to go, I'll go."

"It's just--we're going to be done with school soon. We have to go to at least one--"

"And prom?"

"That's not up for debate. Your ass is taking me to prom, Joshua Cody." Cori laughs as J's lips press against her fingers. 

J's smile fades as a ringtone interrupts the conversation. He releases Cori's hand before retrieving his cellphone from the truck's console. 

She silently observes as he reads the name on the screen. 

Baz. 

She remembers the name--he is one of J's uncles--but that's where her knowledge ends. The furrow of J's brow sets in as he declines the call.

“So...this family thing," she notes, as his eyes meet hers. Before she can get the rest of her thought out, a text comes through recapturing J's attention. "It must be pretty important.”  

J's shrug seems outlandish when held alongside the urgency of his uncle. In the time it took to eat, J's phone has got several notifications. Each time, he pauses long enough to silence the call and proceeds as if it never came. 

“It’s just a thing with my uncles.” His mood is light as he sets the phone back down. His easiness returns as he meets her eyes. "Smurf's pretty serious about everyone being home for it." 

He can notice the slight hesitance in her eyes before she offers him a smile in return.

Leaning across the car, J presses a kiss against her cheek. His lips drift to her neck. 

"I'll get the tickets Monday," he mumbles as his lips retrace their steps. "Promise."

J's truck is parked engine idling. His left-hand rests against the steering wheel, his eyes on her.

Cori has removed her seatbelt. Her body is turned in the seat so that she faces J. She toys with the hem of her dress instead of moving to get out.

"It was good to see you, J."

"Yeah," J agrees. Her eyes lift to meet his, the soft smile on his lips stretching into a grin. "You too."

J opens his mouth to continue the thought, but Cori has already turned away from him. He watches as she retrieves her backpack from the back seat.  

"Cori," J clears his throat. The action hinders Cori's opening of the door. Her hand hovers over the handle. "Maybe we can hang-"

"Nope.”

J blinks. His brow furrows as a silence falls over the car.

"If you want to see me again," Cori teases, her hand falling from the handle. "It will be in school."

"Why do I have a feeling you're not gonna let this go?" J's eyes roll softly as Cori leans across the car. "You’re serious?" 

"Because I'm not letting this go," she smiles sweetly, ignoring the chuckle the action pulls from J. "And, I'm 'lock my window' serious, Josh. Show up if you want, and I’ll leave you outside."

The smile on Cori's lips grows as J's gaze falls from hers. His tongue passes over his lips as she leans closer.

His eyes drift shut as her giggle fills the car before Cori presses a kiss against his cheek. She leaves a second kiss before moving away. Hopping out of the truck, Cori slips her backpack onto her shoulders.

"Think about what’s important to you, Cody," she beams before shutting the door.

J picks up his phone. The screen lights up as a new text message appears.

6 missed calls. Baz

7 missed texts. Baz

1 missed text. Craig

He opens the most recent notification from Craig.

Dude. Call Baz back so he'll stop losin his shit. You know we got that thing tonight

Cori is in the process of unlocking the door when she hears the sound of his car door slamming. Looking over her shoulder, she smiles as J crosses the driveway backpack over his shoulder.

"Two hours,” he concedes. J is powerless to the tug of her hand as Cori pulls him inside. “Then I have to go. Baz is blowing up my phone.”

"Then we better get started."

J's fingers comb through his hair, the brown eyes trained on him forcing him back to reality.

Judging by the look on Cori's face, this is not the first time she has spoken. Heat rushes to his face as J's gaze reverts to the stack of notecards in his hands.

"Uh--yeah," he clears his throat as he shifts in the computer chair. "That's right."

He steals a second glance at her, the smile on Cori's lips not helping with his current situation.

"Of course it is," she winks. Her gaze returns to the review sheet. She stops to make a note alongside the term The Baroque.

The two are currently in the midst of an AP European History review.

J isn't much help, but Cori doesn't need it. Each of her responses is correct. That's good for J. He's spent the last thirty minutes distracted.

It's a good thing Cori claimed the bed, laying on her stomach as she pulled out her notebook. J took the computer chair opposite of her. If Cori had let him join her on the bed, no studying would have taken place.

It doesn't matter that a month has passed. J hasn't been able to keep his eyes off Cori Edwards since her arrival freshman year.

A smile creeps across his face as J's eyes meet Cori's for a second time.

"You need a break, Cody?" The grin on her lips widens as Cori rests her chin in her hand. "You seem distracted."

"Just thinking about how you don't need these." J lifts the cards in his hands before discarding them on the nearby desk. "You never have."

"Hmm..." Cori's eyes return to the review sheet. She pauses to add more to the notes written neatly in the margins. "True, but you do."

Pushing herself up, she passes over the review sheet. Written neatly in the top right-hand corner is J's name.

"I made this for you Tuesday night."

J studies the sheet for a moment, his fingers massaging his temple as he takes in Cori's study guide.

Shit--she's right. He does need it. He missed the review session on Tuesday. The thing about AP Euro is that it's not as straight forward as Trig. J can ace his Trig midterm in his sleep. AP Euro is a whole separate story.

"Thanks, Cori," he sighs. The grateful look in his eyes as he watches her cross the room earns him a warm smile. "You didn't have to-"

"Oh, trust me, I know." Taking his hand in her, Cori lowers herself down onto his lap. "But, I know you have a lot going on. Besides, making the sheet helped me review for the test."

"I love you. You know that?"

"As you should." Taking his face in her hands, Cori smiles as J meets her gaze. She closes the remaining distance between their lips. "I love you too."

As her lips drift to his neck, fingers slipping beneath the hem of his t-shirt, J pushes her dress up her thighs.

"I thought we were studying," he chuckles, his lips returning to hers.

"We're taking a break," she giggles. "You’re useless when you’re distracted."

When he wakes, J knows he’s overstayed. He was meant to leave by four. It’s four thirty. 

The cellphone, humming on the surface of Cori’s desk, sounds through the bedroom. J doesn’t lift his head from the pillow. Instead, he watches her face scrunch in irritation as the sound gradually pulls Cori out of her sleep.

“You gotta go?” She breathes, her eyes remaining shut as she tries to fall back to sleep.

“I should,” he chuckles. His finger traces the curve of Cori's shoulder. “Your parents will probably be home soon.”

“You’re right.” A soft giggle follows as J's arm wraps around her waist, pulling her body across the bed. “You should probably go.”

Despite his words, J makes no move to leave the bed. He sinks his face into her neck. His weight presses her into the mattress as her arms wind around his neck. He stays there for almost ten minutes. His eyes closed, listening to the delicate pattern of her pulse. Neither says a word. Cori knows the time has come to let him go when J presses a soft kiss against her skin before forcing himself up.

“I have some family shit I gotta handle,” J huffs as his palms rub against his eyes. “So, um, I probably won’t be on my phone for most of the weekend.”

“Okay.”

J proceeds to redress, his body in no rush to leave, as his phone starts again.

He needs to go. Now.

J has prolonged his return to reality, and the Cody House, long enough. If he doesn’t call back shortly, Smurf might have a heart attack.

J tugs his t-shirt over his head. His eyes focus on the bedroom window. He’s shocked Smurf's car is not parked out front. It wouldn’t be the first time his grandmother has tracked him.

“I just meant--I might not be able to pick up if you call,” he crosses the room to meet Cori. The faint smile on his lips brings one to her. “You can text me.”

“Maybe,” Cori sighs as J's lips caress her cheek. “If I have time. I’ll have to check my schedule.”

She catches sight of his sparkling eyes before J’s lips are on hers. The kiss itself is soft, another step in his lingering goodbye. His lips linger against hers before pressing against hers a final time.

“Hey,” J pulls back, his fingers interlacing with hers. He gently squeezes her hand as she meets his gaze. “Thanks for today. I missed you.”

“You too.”

“I’ll text you later,” J smiles before retrieving his phone and backpack.

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[apocalypseornaw]

Ending/Beginning

For the enemies to lovers square on @girl-next-door-writes make me feel bingo

Inspired by the show revolution (sort of) y'all I'm nervous AF to post this cause it's reader x OC but i hope y'all like it

Word count: 10,247 it long

Warnings: Cursing, violence

The apocalypse, the end of the world. Everything as it was known coming to an end. No matter how you wanted to describe it that time was now. You never would’ve dreamed that the end of the world wouldn’t have been fire or ice. No the world ended a lot quieter than that. No dead rose, no monsters crawled out of hell. Electricity simply went away, all the power sources that ran everything went off grid. You watched as the world slowly plummeted into turmoil. You had your group, all of you would fight to the death for each other, you believed that somehow humanity could survive the problem was not every group believed as yours did.Good and evil, things that at one time had clearly been black and white were now washed in shades of grey.

You were on guard duty, walking the length of the walls that surrounded the compound you called home. A team had left a few days before and had yet to return. You were getting more anxious as the days drug on. You finally spotted movement towards the east and ran quietly along the wall so as to not bring any alert to anyone walking below. When you spotted the group missing some of its main members breach the treeline you felt the knot in the pit of your stomach double in size.  “OPEN THE GATES” you screamed quickly climbing down the ladder running the moment your boots hit the dirt to meet the horses as they came inside. “Where are they?” you asked Sam before he ever got the chance to dismount. Your eyes flicked across the group that were with him clocking the injuries on each person, Sam included. You’d grown up with the Winchesters brothers, all three of you practically being raised by Bobby They were the closest thing to family you had and Dean’s absence along with Charlie’s and Garth’s was glaringly obvious to anyone. 

“We were ambushed. They took them and left a message for Bobby” he explained coming to stand next to you before handing his horse off to someone else so they could see to it that the animals all of you had come to rely on was taken care of. “Which is?” you pushed but he glanced around at the growing crowd “Not here, come with me” you followed him through the compound not falling behind despite his height advantage on you. You had a feeling what fate had befallen your friends and the rage gnawing at you was growing larger every second that passed. 

When Sam grabbed your arm and pulled you into Bobby’s quarters he glanced up from cleaning a gun and smiled when he saw the two of you but his face quickly fell when he realized Dean was not in tow and that Sam had visible injuries. “What happened?” he asked and you cut your eyes at Sam silently echoing the same question. “Kaper’s men. They found out about the power core” “SON OF A BITCH” you growled kicking a chair across the floor. 

Josiah Kaper was about the furthest you could get from Bobby as a leader went. Where Bobby was trying to push for a way for humanity to somehow dig itself out from under the shit show that had developed in the world Josiah wanted nothing more than to find a way to benefit from it. 

He had three sons David the oldest who from your run-ins with him honestly didn’t want to be associated with his father’s name he’d even helped you out of a tight spot years back when everything started falling apart in the world. Then was the middle son Jonah who was ruthless and heartless. You had a scar running the length of your left arm from the only run-in you’d ever had with him. Had Dean not been so quick on the trigger you wouldn’t have walked away, a few members of your group hadn’t. Dante the youngest son who was closest to your age you’d never had any run-ins with but this attack was personal. Bobby wanted the power core to develop a better hospital system. You’d lost a few people simply for the fact that without any power source the doctors you had didn’t have the equipment they needed to perform some surgeries. Not to mention having to stay off the radar of the militia, didn’t want any of them getting it in their heads that your group had anything they may want.

Dean had figured out a few alternatives but even the best mind couldn’t solve everything on it’s own. Josiah on the other hand, you could only imagine what he wanted with the core. 

“Give me a team, we’ll get them back without having to deal with Josiah” You spoke without a second thought. Either of the three they’d taken would come for you so you owed it to them. “What’s your plan?” Bobby asked so you shrugged “They know I’m one of yours, same as Sam and Dean. Makes a bullseye on me so I play decoy while my team locates and releases Dean, Charlie and Garth” “And if they manage to get their hands on you too?” Sam questioned so you shot him a wink “Oh ye of little faith. Don’t worry Sammy they’ll never get close enough to lay a finger on me” Bobby stared you down for what felt like an eternity before nodding “Ok but sweetheart do me a favor?” “Yes sir?” you asked so he half smiled “Make it back in one piece”

"I'm coming with you" Sam spoke and you shook your head motioning to the visible marks on him "No you're gonna go to medical and get checked over. I'm going to go poke around and see if the ones I have in mind for this are up to it, I have no doubt they will be but I still give them the courtesy of asking" 

------

You knew Alicia and Max would be at the front of the line to volunteer to go as soon as word spread. They had long since been your best friends and considering Charlie was Alicia’s girlfriend there would have been no leaving the twins behind even if they hadn’t been on your top pick to go. 

Kevin and Claire were easy picks as well. Kevin, that damn kid you swore could blow up a mountain with some baking soda and vinegar. As fair as for Claire there hadn’t been a lock you met she couldn’t get through fast and easy.  Rounding out your band of misfits as Bobby so lovingly called you all was Benny. He was a big dude, a damn good fighter and not scared of a lot. 

“So what’s the plan?” Sam asked looking at the map you’d spread out across the table in his and Eileen’s quarters. “I know Kaper and I know Dean. If they’re managing to actually hold him, Garth and Charlie, it's gotta be here” you pointed to a building near the northern wall of Josiah’s compound. “The problem is where as we as a group try to steer clear of the militia, he supplies them with pretty much anything they want to look the other way on him pilfering anything he can from the old power sources that’s been uncovered where the rest of us are barely scraping” “So you’re looking at the possibility of heavy firepower” Eileen guessed and you nodded glancing up to make sure you were facing her as you spoke “That’s where I come in. I draw their fire so to speak here” you pointed to the end of the compound furthest from the building you suspected your people were being held in. “By yourself?” she questioned and you knew she didn’t like your plan anymore than Sam or Bobby had. “I’ll be fine Eileen. I promise. By the time they realize I’m there everyone else will be in position. Once they have our people I’ll draw them out further and chunk a few of Kevin’s presents out amongst their ranks just to stir some fun up”

“And if something happens to block your path back around to meet up with everyone else?” Sam asked so you shrugged nonchalantly “Well I can honestly say I will make em earn it and I fully expect the lot of you to give em hell in return” “You’re insane” Eileen reasoned and you smiled at her “That, my dear is part of my charm!”

-------

Kaper’s compound wasn’t set up much differently than the one all of you lived in, the only difference being where when your compound was first established you went for the comfort of the many while it was clear Josiah went for the comfort of himself. His people had well enough living quarters but the building in the center was twice as plush as everyone else’s and while there were guards on their walls the same as yours he also had guards in front of his quarters.

The cement building against the northern corner of the wall was where they kept prisoners. There had been more than one scouting mission around Kaper’s compound to have a basic understanding of what was where. Luckily for your group there was a series of caves not far from the compound that could offer you shelter off the main road while you strategized one final time before actually putting your plan into action.  

------

You tied your horse Helios at the head of the cave then walked deeper in where Benny had built a low fire. He was crouched down looking at the map you’d gotten Alex to sketch out. “Tell me this plan one more time” You could feel the twins and Claire watching you when Benny spoke. Kevin was doing some final touches to his part of the plan so he was preoccupied. You squatted next to Benny and pointed towards the prisoner quarters. 

“That’s where they’ll have Dean, Charlie and Garth” he nodded so you then pointed towards the eastern gate that was closest to Josiah’s quarters “I’m going to get their attention here, draw the main guards out. I’ll use a few of Kev’s low grade toys so as to cause more chaos than actual loss of life, just enough to make everyone look at me. In the meantime all of you will head in over here” you pointed towards where the western and northern wall met “There’s a weak spot unless they’ve fixed it in the last month which I seriously doubt. Even if they did, Kev has a corrosive to make a hole big enough for all of you to slip in, find our people and get the hell out” “Promise me one thing though darling?” he asked so you tilted your head to look at him “Name it Lafitte”

“If something goes south where you’re concerned wait for me at the gate because the moment Dean finds out I agreed to let you do this I won’t be far behind”  You offered him a small smile “Oh come on now he won’t kill ya” he raised an eyebrow that was clearly a nonverbal way of disagreeing but Kevin walked over about that time and handed you a canvas bag “The pipe bombs won’t cause a lot of damage but if you get in a tight spot grab a few of the round ones and chunk em. They’ll take out anything within a ten foot blast zone” You thanked him then stood up and glanced around. Claire held your gaze for a moment while both twins gave you a sharp nod “I’m not one for rousing speeches so I’ll just say wish me luck and remember if all else fails give em hell and make em earn it” 

Claire rolled her eyes “Christ Y/N, Dean gives better pre-fight speeches than that!” you shrugged “And that is why I’m going to get him back” 

------

You stopped at the perimeter of the treeline that was your last bit of cover before the guards would spot you. You and Benny had agreed on a five minute mark to make sure they were in place. You pulled the old wind up pocket watch out of your jeans and glanced to see it had been exactly five minutes. Well now or never.

You clicked your tongue and Helios trotted forward. The guards spotted you the moment you left the cover of the trees and hollered “STOP THERE. WHAT’S YOUR BUSINESS?” you stopped but slid your hand into the canvas bag “I CAME TO DELIVER A MESSAGE” you lit the first pipe bomb and chunked it over the wall. It landed at the first guard’s feet causing him to topple backwards down to the dirt.

The guards and inhabitants of the compound went into a flurry of motion so you rode down the wall throwing just enough pipe bombs over to ensure every guard was paying attention to the “threat” at the eastern wall and not the rescue party at the northwestern wall. 

Once the gates opened and guards started pouring out, some on foot but most on horseback you lit one more pipe bomb and threw it in their general direction before hollering “CATCH ME IF YOU CAN ASSHOLES” then clicked your tongue again gently kicking Helios' sides as she took off at a gallop for the trees hearing the shouts of the guards following you. ‘Good keep all your eyes on me’ you thought to yourself as you leaned down closer to Helios to avoid limbs that were threatening to whip across your face as you rode deeper into the woods.

------

Benny and Claire had told you they didn’t need longer than eight minutes to get in, find your people and get out. Of course playing a game of solo mouse versus about twenty guards who were the cats was easier said than done.

Helios went around a tree and muscle memory alone was the only thing keeping you on her back. You fumbled for the watch again and saw six minutes had passed. Christ you still had two more minutes to keep them close enough that they would stay in pursuit but far enough that they couldn’t catch you. 

You were getting close to the lake that was nearby so you headed in that direction. You had two pipe bombs left in the bag and two of those round ones for a tight spot as Kevin had put it. When you got close to the water’s edge you slowed her enough to let the guards catch up slightly and muttered a prayer under your breath before throwing one of the round ones into the water’s edge then kicked her sides again. She tore out in a gallop and you could feel the water from the blast hit your back followed by a lot of cursing. From the sounds of it you hadn’t killed anyone but you’d discouraged their chase and hopefully disoriented them enough that by the time they got back to the compound the smoke would have cleared. 

------

Dark was falling and they’d never attempt to go after all of you once it fell completely. You had the advantage, your people were more used to the dark than Kaper’s because you only used the power sources you had sparingly. Your plan was to double back around to the caves where everyone was waiting for you. Benny was under strict orders that if you weren’t there within ten minutes of them arriving to knock Dean out if need be to make him leave you behind.

You didn’t expect to see a lone rider waiting not far from the lake. You thought your eyes were playing tricks on you when the large black horse first moved, thinking it was a trick of the light and a shadow. A horse that size shouldn’t move that quietly.

You clicked your tongue and tugged the reins in the opposite direction but when Helios pitched the other way the black horse simply gave chase. Shit who the hell was that? You could hear your heart beating in your ears. You had no choice but to lead whoever it was away from your people. There was no telling the shape everyone was in considering if they managed to keep those three contained they may have even gone to the extent of drugging them.  

You had to slow when you got into the thicket of the woods because in the lowering light you could barely see where you were going. You felt something hit your left shoulder hard a half second before you were falling from Helios trying to brace yourself against the shock of the fall. You grunted when you hit the dirt then rolled to be in more of a defensive posture. You could hear the other horse slow before the sound of boots hitting the dirt hard met your ears.

You clicked your tongue trying to get Helios to circle around but before you could get back onto her you heard someone say “I’ll be damned, a woman did all that?” you spun to face the voice and cursed when you saw the gun pointed loosely in your direction. He was a couple inches taller than you, nice athletic built and clearly a fighter. There was still enough light you could make out the bit of stubble gracing his jaw line and the way his eyes held you made you fight the urge to look away. There was something vaguely familiar about him.Hell had he not been pointing a gun at you and from Kaper’s group you would’ve called him attractive but at the moment he simply had a target on him for you to figure out how to get out of this spot with both of you still breathing. 

“And to think we’re called the weaker sex?” you replied with a defiant tilt of your head despite the fact that his gun was out and pointed and yours was still resting at your lower back. He chuckled slightly “You’re one of Singer’s. Y/N isn't it?” you smiled and held your arms out “How can you say that for certain that I'm not just simply a thief that happened along at an opportune time?” “Because I know for a fact that Dean Winchester along with two more of Singer’s group was in our grasp”

It suddenly hit you why the man across from you looked vaguely familiar “You’re Kaper's other son” he nodded slowly “Dante Kaper at your service sweetheart” You narrowed your eyes at him “Stow the sweetheart bullshit. I’ve got a scar from your brother and I was one of the lucky ones that day. I know the type of man you are” He nodded then motioned to his horse with the gun in his hand “Well in that case why don’t you hop on up there?”

“Kill me first, that’s the only way” He reached out to grab your arm and you let him because you knew getting close enough was your only chance of getting free. He pulled you back against his chest “I don’t want to hurt you but the same way that your people hate mine, you just blew up half our wall and knocked most of my guards on their ass” “Oh well” you muttered before throwing your elbow back as hard as you could at his midsection and was rewarded with the sound of his gun being dropped to the dirt as a grunt left him “Should’ve known it’d be a hand to hand thing”

You  spun around to face him and narrowly avoided his return blow. You swung on him but he caught your arm then swept your legs out from under you when you went down you managed to kick your leg out as soon as your back hit the dirt and it connected with his leg. “Son of a bitch” you groaned, pushing yourself to your feet. You started to make a run for it but Dante recovered faster than you would’ve hoped. He was on his feet and grabbing you before you could make it two steps. 

The moment he spun you around to face him you swung and connected a solid punch to his jaw. He staggered just a moment then kicked out and managed to connect with your stomach. You went with the blow letting your own momentum take you down. You were counting on his arrogance being his downfall and that proved to ring true when he came to stand over you “Guess you can’t hang with the men huh sweetheart?” “Don’t you wish” you replied, kicking out hard to catch him dead center in the crotch.  The moment he went down to his knees you took off running and whistled for Helios. She came running up so you hoisted yourself onto her back “Let’s go” she galloped away and you could barely hear the hollered curses from Dante as he faded from your sight.

------

When you got closer to the caves you checked the time that had passed and cursed under your breath. God if they had to knock Dean out to get him to leave you behind it was going to get really messy when he came to. 

You slowed Helios down to a trot and whistled the tune you and Benny always used when you were on the same team. After a few seconds you heard the whistle repeated so you urged her forward.

You hopped down at the head of the cave and saw the other horses tied up. You tied her next to Claire’s horse then walked into the cave entrance. The moment you came into view you were snatched into a hug from Charlie. “Y/N!” you couldn’t help but smile at seeing her mostly unscathed. There were clear signs of the fight when they’d been taken but beyond that it appeared as though Kaper hadn’t attempted to torture them. You’d gotten there before that point. 

Once she released you Garth was there slapping your hand in a high five “Now that’s what I call a rescue mission ma’am!” you winked at him but your smile quickly fell when Dean stepped away from the corner where he’d been talking with Benny. Your eyes skimmed across him clocking the cut over his eye, the bruising on the side of his face and just how bloodied his knuckles were “I call that insanity. What the hell were you thinking?” you grimaced slightly at his tone bracing yourself before saying “I call that pulling your ass out the fire, same as you’ve done for pretty much all of us” 

He studied you for a second before a grin split his face and he pulled you into a hug “Kid you are completely insane but damn I would’ve loved to see Kaper’s face when those pipe bombs started going off” you touched your stomach where you caught a boot from Dante and Dean tracked your movements with his eyes “What happened?” Benny who had been silent stepped up behind you and when he touched your left shoulder it was only then that you realized the branch that had knocked you off Helios had torn through your jacket and shirt. “I officially met Dante Kaper”

“Did you kick his ass?” Max asked and you shrugged “I’d have to say that meeting was fifty, fifty. I got away from him because he underestimated me and got kicked in the family jewels as a reward for it” Alicia covered her mouth as she laughed “In that case I’d say you won it” You glanced around eyeing the lot of them. Out the rescue team from the looks of it none of them had even been in a fight. Benny’s knuckles weren’t even bloodied. Kevin was a little windblown but that was because he’d been at the forefront of any explosions they’d set off. “All of us are in one piece and can make it home. I call that a win” 

Ninety percent of the time you tried your best to abide by what few rules were in place. You as one of Bobby’s surrogate kids had to be on your best behaviour to show everyone else in your compound that all was treated equal but when a meeting was being held to arrange an escort to Denver for a supply run to the encampment there and you weren’t invited it more than pissed you off.

You stood in front of the meeting room door for several minutes trying to talk yourself out of what you were about to do. It didn’t work of course. You started to walk away then said screw it and shoved the door open. Bobby,Sam, Dean,Benny and Jody were sitting around a table marking the route off. “Took her longer than I thought it would” Benny admitted with a nod to Dean.

Jody raised an eyebrow at you “Y/N? Bobby said you weren’t feeling too well” you cut your eyes at Bobby who shook his head “Don’t even start kid. You know you can’t go on this run” “Why not? When have I suddenly become persona non grata?” “When you went a few rounds with a Kaper” Dean answered for Bobby.

You barked out a harsh laugh then drew the chair from next to Sam and sat down “Then I guess you nor Charlie nor Garth is going on this run either then? Because while they didn’t see the crew that busted you out they know you got out” 

Sam sighed and turned slightly in his chair to face you “Still turns back around to you Y/N. Since they in fact didn’t see the crew they probably assumed you set some sort of timer to bust the whole in the back wall before getting their attention on the front. Them taking the three of them goes against the agreement set forth by the militia so they can’t exactly report it but they more than likely have a grudge against the person who blew half their wall up and knocked most of their guards and one of Kaper’s sons flat on his ass”  You leaned forward on your elbows and glanced around the table.

Dean and Benny immediately shared a look from the expression on your face and Bobby closed his eyes with an exasperated sigh before you ever spoke “So you’re telling me that lil ol me gets the credit for pulling off a rescue mission, destroying their over the top wall that wasn’t even very functional to begin with and kicking Dante’s ass all on my own. Hmm sounds to me like I need to go along Kaper’s men may think twice about messing with the crew if they spot me with them”

“If we don’t let her go we all know either she’ll saddle Helios and follow us anyways or get into something worse” Dean finally said and Jody winked at you “Well you boys may need some backup” “Don’t encourage her!” Bobby groaned then waved a hand at you “Go grab your gear. Dean will round up everyone else” you stood up and winked at Jody before walking out.

------

You were riding behind Benny towards the back of the wagon. It would be left with the encampment so the trip back would be cut by a day. Everyone was talking to whoever was closest to them or just keeping an eye on the surrounding area. Once the supplies were handed off and inside walls the militia weren’t as prone to mess with them but out here in the open it was a more free game.

There was a reason why you, Alicia and Max had spent weeks mapping out the natural caves along any routes all of you took. If you couldn’t find an old building with a garage area for the cart you would park it inside of the cave then make camp outside of it where anyone looking to steal would have to go past whoever was on guard at the moment and everyone sleeping.

“Benny you got this for a minute?” you asked and he cut his eyes at you and nodded “Yeah I got this darling. Guess you’re gonna poke at Dean a lil bit?” you grinned and clicked your tongue so Helios headed in the direction you pointed her which was the head of your group where Dean was looking as stoic as ever while keeping an eye on his surroundings.

He barely acknowledged your presence but you knew that he knew you were there. “Are you really mad at me for getting you out?” you asked and he shook his head. 

You knew he wasn’t but you were going to make him say the words out loud. “I’m pissed off at you for putting yourself at risk like that. What if those guards would’ve caught up with you? Or what if Dante would’ve actually won that fight?”

“Then you would’ve come and got me. It would’ve gone a lot bloodier than my method but I have faith that worse case scenario you would’ve made Kaper regret the day he was born” Dean was quiet for a moment before finally looking at you “Y/N..dammit you’re in the same category as Sam. I can survive losing a lot. I don’t know if I can survive losing either of you. Before you say it I know you’re plenty capable. I’d rather have you at my back then most men I know but that doesn’t change the fact that if you would’ve gotten killed saving my ass..I would’ve slaughtered every man in that place” “What about the women on his guard?” you asked and he narrowed his eyes “Don’t be a smartass just say you see my point” 

“I see your point but that’s the same reason why I couldn’t leave you there. Dean you almost killed Jonah. If I hadn’t been bleeding that bad you would’ve. You’re a high value target for Josiah so I’m not gonna attempt to lie to you I’d do it all over again but I do honestly see why you got pissed at me so can we call truce now?” he nodded and held a hand out so you shook it with a laugh “Glad we got that settled now let me get back to my post before Benny starts talking to his horse again”

------

Your group was about two days away from the Denver encampment. You’d stopped to make camp for the night. There was an old housing development that got abandoned when the end happened so it was a bunch of half built houses that had been mainly reclaimed by nature. There was one at the end that only had a few finishing touches to the place so that was where you picked for the night. The cart was parked in the garage so everyone made beds around it. All of you had slept in worse places.

“Y/N you and Sam take first shift then wake me and Benny up for second shift” Dean announced so you nodded in agreement as you pulled your jacket onto your shoulders “Aye aye Cap” then nodded at Sam “C’mon Samuel” he shook his head with a laugh but followed you out the side door of the garage that led back outside.

------

The full moon was nearly bright enough you could read by it. You were on your third trip around the house keeping an eye on the perimeter. Every time you’d pass Sam one of you would tell the other some stupid joke or random fact to pass the time. There was only another hour left of your guard shift then you could take over Dean’s bed to catch a little sleep before finishing the last leg of this trip.

Once the cart was dropped off your group didn’t have to take the main road home and weren’t as high value of a target for the militia or the road bandits. Even in this day and age you had people that would rather steal then even attempt to provide for themselves in a halfway honest way.

It was a bit disappointing that the one thing you could still count on was that mankind could still be major douches regardless of the time. You were thinking of another weird fact to tell Sam considering your fact of what raccoons could fit inside of made him swear to sleep on his back from here on out every time he slept outside would make you laugh for a week.

A movement towards the woods a few houses down caught your eye. You weren’t quite sure what it was but actually hoped for bandits versus Militia or any of Kaper’s men. You knew Sam would be coming around the corner of the house in a minute and if you mentioned it to him he’d want to check it out with you but you couldn’t leave the house completely unguarded.

You whistled one sharp note and Sam whistled back before coming around the corner quickly “What’s wrong Y/N?” you nodded towards the treeline “I think I saw something. I’m gonna go check it out. Don’t leave guard post unless you hear me scream then feel free to tell on me to Dean and bring everyone running deal?” He followed your line of sight then looked back at you “You’ve got exactly two minutes” you grinned at him “I only need one Samuel” then headed towards the treeline being careful to make your footsteps as quiet as possible.

You reached for the knife at your side. You had your gun tucked at your lower back but if it turned more into a close quarters deal the knife would be a better option. The moment you stepped into the shadows of the trees you felt a hand grab you and you were slammed backwards into a tree. Before you even focus to try to see the assailant you had your knife at their throat.

You realized you were looking up into none other than Dante Kaper’s dark brown eyes “You know you’re something else Y/N” he grunted flinching slightly from the pressure you had on the blade. “Been called worse by better Dante” you replied putting as much venom as you could in your voice and he smiled despite the fact that you were nearly drawing blood “You need to move your people. The militia is headed this way. They’ll be through before daylight”

“How do I know this isn’t a trap to make us move so your people can attack us down the road?” you asked and his grip on your arms tightened slightly “If I wanted your people dead I could’ve shot you and Dean's brother then burned the garage to the ground besides I kind of like having someone around to give me a run for my money. Makes life a lot more interesting”

“And why do I tell Dean we need to move? Can’t exactly say a Kaper said so” you replied easing the pressure slightly on his throat. He glanced down at the blade then slowly released your arms “You’re a resourceful woman. I’m sure you’ll think of something” you stared at him for a few breaths before putting your knife back at your side “If this is a trap you better hope they kill me fast because I’ll make sure you regret it” he had the audacity to wink at you before saying “See? Now comments like that make me want to keep you alive just because that much fire deserves to be fed”

He disappeared into the woods and a few seconds later you heard his horse moving away and cursed yourself for not clocking that big of a beast. “You bastard” you whispered to the night then realized the two minutes had more than likely passed so you quickly breached the tree line again to be back in Sam’s line of sight before he could wake Dean up.

He ran to meet you halfway “What was it?” you shook your head “I don’t know but we need to move. We’re close to a few caverns we can make it to one and still rest a bit before hitting the road again” he stepped in front of you before you got your hand on the door leading into the garage “Woah Y/N if it was nothing why are you hell bent on moving?” you met his eyes and took a deep breath “You trust me right?” “Of course” he answered a quick reply built on years of both of you trusting the other’s instinct. You hated lying to him but something told you Dante was being honest and you didn’t want to chance the supplies that were desperately needed in the Denver encampment being confiscated. 

“Let’s get them up then” you finally added so he stepped to the side and simply followed you into the garage.

------

Surprisingly enough when you woke Dean to say you felt like your team needed to move he didn’t even attempt to question you. He simply gave out orders and the lot of you moved silently through the woods to the caverns you’d pointed out on the map.

Once everyone was settled back down at the cavern though you noticed that Dean and Benny both had pulled Sam to the side of the group and the three of them kept throwing glances in your direction. What were you supposed to tell them if they questioned you further? That you were taking an enemy at his word because why exactly? You weren’t even sure yourself why you’d believed Dante besides the fact that he was indeed telling the truth that had he wanted any of you dead it would’ve been simple enough to do.

You pushed the thought out of your head and curled up next to Helios for the night. By the time the sun was peeking out onto the ground your team was already on the road once again. 

------

“So successful drop off done now for the trip home” you said riding between Sam and Dean. Dean glanced over your head at Sam and nodded once. You watched as Sam fell off and matched his pace with Benny instead no doubt giving you and Dean room to talk or rather Dean room to question you.

You remained silent for a few moments before saying “Well get on with it” he cut his eyes at you then looked back ahead of him “Get on with what exactly Y/N?” you sighed running your fingers through Helios’ mane “Asking me why I moved us in the middle of the night” “And why exactly was that?” he questioned and you felt a knot in your stomach start to form. On one hand you didn’t want to lie to Dean about anything but on the other hand you’d done the one thing all of you had sworn to never do..you trusted a Kaper. Even as far as David Dean simply avoided.

You shrugged “I just had a bad feeling. Best case scenario we ride back through and nothing is touched meaning I overreacted to a bad feeling” “But if we ride back through and proof that the militia has been through is there I’ve got to explain why you’ve either suddenly grown psychic powers or why the little birdies flying around have decided to start conversing with you” 

You were stunned into silence simply because you’d never actually had Dean accuse you of anything. It was a strange feeling but you also became acutely defensive “What exactly are you accusing me of?” you asked and he turned fully to look at you trusting his horse to remain on the path he’d been pointed “Someone was in those woods last night when you went to check it out. You can lie to Sammy but you can’t lie to me. Who was it?” At your silence he cleared his throat then looked back at Sam who came up to join the two of you yet again “Sam you and Benny take lead. Me and Y/N are gonna fall to watch the rear and have a little chat since she’s apparently now being shy of groups”

You cut your eyes at Benny when he came up to take your spot at the head of the group “You good darling?” you nodded once then clicked your tongue to get Helios to follow Dean. 

Once the two of you were at the rear of your group with no possibility of anyone over hearing a conversation Dean got his horse close enough to Helios that had the two not been around each other for so many years they never would’ve willingly rode that close “Now talk to me.You know I’ve always backed you up but I need to know who told you we should move?” you sighed and refused to meet his eyes but answered “Dante” you barely looked in his direction but saw his jaw clenching and unclenching “Please don’t be mad at me Dean. I had my knife to his throat but he had a point. He could’ve fucking sniped me and Sam then barbequed the rest of you if he had wanted to!” 

“So? What are you trusting him now?” Dean’s voice was sharper than you’d ever heard it pointed at you. He reached across the space between the two of you and snatched your jacket off your left arm to show the thick jagged scar that started at your wrist and disappeared underneath the short sleeve of your shirt “His brother did this! I found you nearly dead. Sam held you in his arms the entire ride back to our doctors and you know what? I heard him pray Y/N! Who the hell he was praying to in all of this I don’t know but we thought we would lose you. We lost Jo, Ash and Rufus that day! A Kaper did that! Out of every possible enemy in this world the god damn Kapers have been a thorn in our side for longer than anything! You really think you can trust him? Even David is only passable because he got away from Josiah and we haven’t heard anything from him since. Dante went back to his daddy’s compound and probably reported that Bobby’s girl was stupid enough to trust him!”

You felt hot tears spring to your eyes at his words. You turned your head stubbornly so he wouldn’t see them and took a few deep breaths before replying “I don’t trust him Dean but I had to weigh the options and protecting all of you was the most important thing” your voice broke slightly as you shrugged your jacket back up on your arm. Dean reached as if to touch your shoulder but you flinched away from him “Not right now Dean. I know you just want to protect me but I just can’t right now”

“Chief, are we checking it out?” Benny called from the front nodding towards the path that would take you back out to where the housing complex was. Dean looked at you then announced “Everyone wait here for a few. C’mon Benny” you watched them ride off then locked eyes with Sam. The look on his face alone was enough to ask if you were ok. You gave a sharp nod.

Within a few moments Dean and Benny were rejoining your group. You didn’t look in Dean’s direction when he came back to ride at your side but he still offered “For what it counts the militia destroyed it and left their mark” “Why did he warn me?” you asked honestly shocked that Dante’s warning had rang true. “That’s the question isn’t it?”

The moment Bobby heard that Dante had reached out to you and in fact actually told the truth about the militia coming through you knew that would be the end of you being allowed out on any day to day tasks. You had no idea why he’d even been in that area that night or how he’d located your group let alone why he’d want to actually protect your group. Hell you’d fought him the first time you met him then that knife had drawn a line of blood from his throat while he gave his warning. It was a predicament to say the least and and left you feeling like a fucking leper considering only Sam, Dean and Bobby knew so to everyone else they simply say you sticking close to the compound with no good reason as to why.

You were helping Donna and Jody in the armory trying to simply keep your head down until Bobby and the boys forgot about it and let you out again. “What exactly did you do?” Jody asked sliding more shells across to you since the three of you were currently making more bullets. You shrugged knowing that you very well couldn’t tell another soul that a Kaper had saved your necks. You absentmindedly scratched at the scar on your arm and Donna covered your hand with her own “You know that’s a bad nervous habit sweetie” you shot her a small smile “I think I’m just going a little stir crazy. Even just to take Helios out to stretch her legs I’ve got to take Benny or Max and Alicia with me” “Whatever happened those three will get over it soon enough kid. Just keep pushing they love ya” Jody added with a wink.

------

It went on for a while until you were on guard duty one day walking the length of the wall when Xavier, a rider for a nearby compound which happened to be where your hospital set up was, came riding up to the gate. “LET HIM IN!” you hollered climbing down the ladder to meet him.

When he saw you his eyes flicked around nervously “Y/N.. Dean or Sam around?” you shook your head “No but what’s going on Xavier?” he swallowed hard “They’re on the way to do a walk through of our compound. We don’t have the power core completely buried yet” “Shit.Dean,Benny  and Sam aren’t due back till dark” his eyes looked like they very well may pop out of his head “We have an hour tops” you knew that if you came out on the other side you’d never hear the end of it and that was the best case scenario. 

You nodded to his horse “How fast can it move with two riders?” “Fast enough” he replied. As you were swinging your leg up behind him you heard Max holler your name. Xavier glanced back at you but you simply shook your head “Ignore him. Let’s go” you rode out of the gate motioning for it to be closed behind you already planning in your head a dangerous route but if it came down to it you would do what was necessary to save the most amount of people.

------

Dean was seething with anger and underneath that was the fear. The fear of being too late this time. The fear he’d find you dead. Dammit why did you have to be so fucking selfless? When him and Sam had met up with Max on the trail back he knew something was wrong then when Max told him the last he’d seen of you was you riding off on the back of Xavier’s horse he knew the worst was yet to come.

He rode up to the gate of the compound that housed the hospital set up “OPEN THE FUCKING GATE!” He didn't slow down and rode directly up to the door before climbing off his horse and nearly took the door off the hinges as he stormed inside with Sam and Benny close behind. 

He spotted Micheal the doctor that was over the place “Where is she? What the fuck happened here?” The place was a mess but most of the equipment appeared to be whole. There was evidence a fight had happened and your presence or the lack thereof was a sore thumb along with the puddle of blood in the center of the room.  “Dean you got to know I tried to stop her! I told her to stand down but she refused. She was determined to draw their attention from the power core” the shorter man was clearly scared and for good reason. Benny knowing Dean how he did managed to catch him before he broke the good doctor’s nose “Dean brother we need to hear what happened before we kill him” 

Micheal looked at Sam who shrugged “They’re not gonna kill you” When Micheal almost looked relieved Sam quickly added “But we may make you wish you were dead cause you’re probably gonna have to put yourself back together if we find out you hid while they took Y/N” 

Benny let go of Dean and had a hand around Micheal’s throat in the blink of an eye “Now doc me and you ain’t never had an issue but that girl is like a sister to all three of you. What the hell happened here?” “Jonah was with them” Micheal breathed out and Dean felt his blood run cold.

They never planned this to be an inspection. Josiah and Jonah both knew the one way to get at Bobby, Dean and Sam was to go after Y/N. “Son of a bitch. They were probably watching when we left. He planned the walk through to draw her out knowing she’d never stand by”

Benny dropped Micheal unceremoniously to the floor. “Go over what happened and don’t leave a word out” 

Everything hurt.You knew the moment you’d spotted that chestnut horse amongst the inspection crew that it had all been a lie. You’d been lured out and played directly into their hands. “I’LL KILL YOU” you growled diving at Xavier. You’d trusted him and he’d betrayed all of you. “Sorry Y/N they gave me a better offer than being an errand boy”

You had your hands around his throat when the door was kicked in and you heard a gun cock “Y/N let him go or I’ll kill them” you looked up to see a gun pointed towards Micheal the top doctor and Erika the top field medic. You slowly stood off of Xavier eyes never leaving Jonah’s masked face. “Good girl” he cooed then the moment Xavier was on his feet he put a bullet between his eyes. At your look he shrugged “He’s a rat. Don’t need any rats now do we?”

“Gonna take that mask off and let me see Dean’s handy work?” you taunted eyes flicking towards Micheal and Erika. “Are you going to be nice and come quietly or do my men need to beat you in compliance?” he replied so you squared your shoulders and planted your feet “If you plan on taking me you might as well throw your hat into the ring too darling cause this is gonna be one hell of a fight” 

You ended up coming back to consciousness in the newly reinforced cells of Kaper’s compound. You were certain you had a few broken ribs and the entire side of your face was slick with your own blood. You’d held true to your word. You’d given as much damage as you’d gotten and that was at an extreme disadvantage. The last thing you remembered was Jonah’s boot connecting with the side of your head hard. If you survived this you would make sure you were the last thing he ever saw and you had the comfort of knowing if you didn’t survive that Dean would be the last thing Jonah ever saw.

You had managed to push yourself into a seated position with your back against the wall when you heard boots coming in your direction. You were in pain and it would likely be a task to stand on your own but regardless you braced yourself for what would more than likely be another fight. 

When the footsteps stopped you looked up to see Jonah was standing at the door leading into the cell. He had his mask in his hand and the light from the torch on the wall flickered across the burns the corrosive had left behind on his face. “Damn you’re even uglier than you were before. At least the exterior completely matches the interior now” you grunted holding an arm around your hurting ribs as you forced yourself to stand up despite the pain radiating through you that moving caused.  “Keep talking you little bitch. Even now our group is already at your compound. Singer will be given seventy two hours to either deliver the power core or be delivered your corpse” “Bobby knows you’ll never keep your word. You’ll take the power core and kill me all for daddy dearest to make a play to be over the shambles that’s left of this country”

“But the thing about Bobby and the Winchester boys they don’t think with their heads a lot. They let their hearts do the thinking and you’re family. That whole group is insane enough to risk it all by coming after you. How many more will die this time for you to walk away?” “That wasn’t my fault. It was yours” you threw back and he smiled “And yet here you still stand having survived what? Seven years after them?” “You’re gonna kill me why not just finish me off now?” you asked and his smile turned sinister “Oh but why kill you quickly when I can make you beg for death?”

He pulled a key out of his pocket and slid it into the door when he stepped into the cell you took a deep breath before falling into a defensive posture. Whatever he had planned it wouldn’t go over easy on him.

“There’s not even an option. We hand over the fucking power core” Dean spoke from where he stood at the edge of the room. “How do we know they won’t kill her anyway?” Benny asked and a silence fell over the room because everyone was thinking what Benny had just given voice to “Well what the hell do you suggest Benny? Let them kill her with no qualms?” Max’s voice was laced with anger. Anger at himself for not being able to stop you from leaving and anger at the situation in general.

“We’re already at the eighteen hour mark since they took her. We need to do something and do it now!” Alicia cut in but before another word could be spoken Claire came running into the room “DEAN, SAM” both brothers turned to look at the blonde who was out of breath “The front gate! We need you!”

------

Most of the residents of the compound had been temporarily relocated rather to other areas or the caverns to get the non combatants out of harm’s reach which made it easier for moving around. Erika had bought her supplies and came back to help as well.

When Dean and Sam made it to the front gate they saw that Erika, Alex and Eileen were all three crouched around but couldn’t make out what until they got close enough to see you cradled in Dante Kaper’s arms while the three women worked to triage your wounds.  

“What the hell?” Dean demanded and at his voice you opened your eyes weakly “Don’t hurt him Dean” then your head rolled over to the side. “She’s ok. She just passed out. Dante get her up and let’s get her inside”

------

Erika had kicked everyone out of the room besides Eileen and Alex to work so that left Dean and Sam alone with Dante in the hall outside the room you were in. “Is that her blood?” Dean asked, pointing to Dante’s shirt. The other man glanced down almost robotically “Not all. Some of it is Jonah’s” 

“Excuse me?” Sam asked to ensure he’d heard right. Dante raised his eyes and Dean saw a fire there that almost made him want to like him “I killed him to save her life. I wasn’t there when they took her but the moment I got back to the compound my father called me into his quarters to brag. I found Jonah in her cell he planned to do worse than torture her…” his eyes had found their way back to the door that held you on the other side “I killed him without a second thought. I took her out the back and bought her here where I know she’s safe then I’m gonna go back and kill my father and everyone loyal to him”

“Is she worth that to you?” Dean asked, needing the answer before he allowed himself to give a Kaper even a sliver of trust “Why wouldn’t she be?” Dante replied and Dean gave him a sharp nod “Ok then. Want some help?”

------

You came to again when Eileen was washing the blood off of your face. “Eileen?” you whispered but she saw your lips move and looked up to your eyes and smiled “Thank god. What do you remember?” “Jonah..a blade slicing through him...a horse ride..Dante’s coat being around me and telling Dean not to hurt him”

She nodded “Good no concussion then” you looked around slowly “Where is everyone” you signed a bit sloppy but she got the point. “Waiting for you to wake up” “How long have I been out?” you asked and she grimaced which told you it’d been a while “A week” 

Before you could have a complete freakout the door cracked open and Alicia poked her head in “You’re awake!” “It appears” you groaned trying to sit up before her and Eileen moved to help you. They shared a look then Eileen signed “I’m gonna go find the boys”

Once she walked out you looked over at Alicia who’d sat next to you “What happened while I was napping?” she laughed “Oh a revolution?” “Huh?” you questioned and she shrugged “Bobby can explain it better but just know our lives are going to be a lot more peaceful” “Where’s Dante?” you asked worry for him suddenly hitting you like a blow to the gut. “He’s fine honey. That’s one of the boys Eileen went to find”

------

You were sitting up with your feet curled under you nursing the glass of water Alicia had gotten you when the door opened again and Eileen walked in, trailed by Dean,Bobby,Sam,Benny and an unsure looking Dante.

Your crew all hugged you then you locked eyes with Dante and shared a small smile “You killed your brother for me” “He was an asshole anyways” he replied which caused a light laugh to spread across the room. “What happened while I was out?” you asked looking at Bobby who smiled “Long story short? Josiah is dead. David is back and over the civilians proven to not be under Josiah’s rule. The militia is being cleared out of dirty members as we speak and we have doubled the side of our hospital set up in the last three days”

You cut your eyes at Dante “What are you gonna do now?” Dean slung an arm around his shoulder and winked at you “Well Y/N not to put words in his mouth but I believe he was hoping to stick around and get to know you a bit better now that you’re not sworn enemies anymore” “If that’s good with you. If not I can always head home now that David is over it?” he offered and you smiled “I think I’d like you sticking around a bit”  His smile told you that was the answer he’d been hoping for.

@girl-next-door-writes

@littlemessyjessi

[daiseukiis]

Congratulations on the 100!! You deserve that times a bazillion ❤❤❤

Now, I hope I'm doing this request thing right but... can I have a drabble or headcanons (really whichever one is easier for you), Kageyama Tobio + Fluff + the word hands. I don't know I'm just a softie and wanna hold his hands with him 😔❤

Aagin, congrats on 100 followers you deserve it with your hard work and brilliant writing ❤❤❤

note ; do you did it right ! :) thank you very much! i appreciate you even joining my sleepover 🥺💕 i'll continue to work harder too !

kageyama tobio / fluff / drabble / hands ;

⠀⠀⠀⠀EVERYONE KNEW THAT THIS SETTER WAS A LITTLE STIFF WHEN IT CAME TO PHYSICAL CONTACT, BUT BEWARE OF THIS BLUEBERRY WHEN ALL FOUR WALLS ONLY CONTAIN YOU AND HIM.

kageyama was never one to be clingy, at least not that to the public eye. when it just becomes you and him, the world can hold on to any disaster occurring because his attention was you and only you. hell, a fire could break out two blocks away from your house and kageyama wouldn't blink an eye when a siren came running by your cozy home, just his arms wrapped around yours without even thinking of anything but you.

of course, kageyama wasn't always like this. before the start of your relationship, he would hesitate and stutter every movement when it came touching you. it took a while for him to adjust the butterflies that uncontrollably swormed his stomach every time you even grazed this boy, and quite a lot of assurance too.

"tobio, i'm not going to break or leave you. i love you."

that was all that blueberry needed. the moment your hands connected to his bigger one, your warmth transferring to his caused the small electric surge run through his body. you did once say that you loved his hands. how it molded perfectly into his, how refined and delicate it was even for a volleyball player like him. yet ever since that confession, what kageyama loved more in the world was your hands.

he loved even without looking, yours would connect to his in a heartbeat. he loved even the small gestures you'd do while you talked about something that interested you, your eyes lighting up like a thousand stars. the way your delicate hands would brush through the strands of his hair just to see his eyes, sometimes even putting it into hairstyles usually he would never approve of unless it was you. they were the same hands that he would kiss at any given moment, being able to glance at the strawberry hues that would put your cute blush make up to shame.

kageyama loved your hands as much as you loved his, and yours was the one that man swore he would put a ring on.

when one meant beware ; it was the unconditional love that kageyama tobio would shower your whole life in.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

DO NOT REPOST 、 MODIFY 、 CLAIM WORK OR LAYOUT AS YOURS.

© MGUQIIS 、 2021

[smol-grey-tea]

Here's that Mental Wellbeing Competition thing I submitted if anyone's interested. I did wanna make my own MaDD information guide anyways and now that I think about it I might do something like this for other mental illnesses too.

Oh I also may have stolen some things people said for this but I put my own thoughts on it so it isn't just copy pasted oof sorry-

My Mental Illness

What has always bothered me about news, social media, and most people I meet is that they generally preach for mental health awareness and acceptance all the time, but I rarely hear people say much specific. They may reference anxiety and depression or may give suggestions on improving mental health, such as eating healthily or contacting friend, but the conversation typically ends there. In my opinion, the key to improving mental health awareness and acceptance is through sharing stories of those who have suffered through mental illnesses themselves, and starting conversations about specifically the more obscure and unknown mental health issues to encourage people to feel less alone about their own struggles as well.

I have chosen to give my story in hopes that it will help other people in my school too. The following details the mental illness I have, which is presently unknown to most of the world. Please read with an open mind.

Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder

Everyone daydreams: sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, but it's generally seen as only a minor nuisance of every day life. However, what you may not have heard of is a coping mechanism mental illness called maladaptive daydreaming disorder (often referred to as MaDD), in which people may daydream excessively, to the point where it severely negatively impacts their daily life, taking up approximately 56% of the day. My daydreams are often elaborate stories with well developed characters, but some MaDDers may daydream about their normal life. 82% of MaDDers also report that daydreaming is usually accompanied by a repetitive movement, such as tapping, rocking, or pacing (like me), especially whilst listening to music.

Just like any other mental illness, MaDD can be caused by trauma, abuse or neglect, but it can also, in my case, be caused simply by boredom or loneliness.

Current Research

Unfortunately, as of the time I'm writing this in early May 2020, maladaptive daydreaming disorder is not recognised as an official mental illness by professionals because it is so newly discovered so it is currently still being researched. Eli Somer - the man who coined the name maladaptive daydreaming - co-authored several papers on it with Cynthia Schupak and Jayne Bigelsen. Bigelsen was also the subject of an early case study which saw her cured of MaDD with SSRIs, and more recently she has built a website to support people dealing with unknown conditions like MaDD: https://jaynerachael.com/groups/?maladaptive-daydreaming-disorder/

As it isn't an official mental illness, there is no official treatment, however personally, I find that using a diary app such as Daylio helps me remember to do important tasks as I feel proud when I keep a streak of not pacing for a long time or even just something simple like brushing my teeth. Other MaDDers recommend keeping the mind occupied with 2 tasks at a time or dedicating certain times a day to daydreaming.

Key Terminology

Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder/Maladaptive Daydreamer/MaDD/MaDDer/MDD/MD: MDD actually stands for major depressive disorder, and because MD can still be confused with major depression, MaDD is the acronym to use for maladaptive daydreaming disorder.

Immersive Daydreaming/Immersive Daydreamer/ID/IDer: An immersive daydreamer is someone who also has vivid and elaborate daydreams but they are not maladaptive and don't negatively impact their life.

Para: The people in our daydreams feel much more special and personal than simple characters in a story, so we coined the word para, which comes from the Greek word, meaning beside or next to.

Parame: A parame is essentially the 'me' that exists in the daydreams - for example, my parame's name is North.

Parain: A very recently coined term by a friend of mine - I don't have any parains myself but to some MaDDers, the term para is seen as a very positive word and so they don't feel comfortable referring to evil or 'villain' characters as paras so parain was coined.

Veritbond/Verit: Coined from the Latin word for true, veritbond/verit refers to a para that is a lot more special than the rest of them. To use a personal example, my verit, Red is the only para who I love and wish was real and I feel genuinely depressed when I don't daydream about him - this is completely different to the rest of my paras, and while I do care about them I don't really love or miss any of them.

Paracosm: This term refers to a daydreaming world or story. Some MaDDers have many different paracosms, some only have one, while I personally only have 2: the 1st (that I've name Shelter) is roughly 6 years old and the 2nd (Lost Children) is about 2-3 years.

Neuronarrative: The paracosm of a neuronarrator.

Thisverse: This word refers to reality, in comparison to paracosm or neuronarrative.

Paramay/Separatember: An online event in May and September in which MaDDers share their paras and talk about them, using a theme for each day of the month.

Daydream Crash: This refers to when a MaDDer feels sad or disappointed that their daydreams and paras aren't real.

Daydream Block: Similar to an art block or writing block, this refers to when a MaDDer finds it difficult to daydream. When I'm in a daydream block my mind often feels blank or blurry and it makes me feel depressed.

Daydream Trigger: This refers to something that triggers a person to daydream. The most common daydream triggers are music, TV, books, movies, etc.

Myths and Misconceptions

1. "But everyone daydreams!"

Yes, everyone does daydream, but maladaptive daydreaming involves daydreaming to an unhealthy extent. In my experiences, daydreaming often prevents me from eating, sleeping, staying hygienic, doing homework/revision, talking to my friends/family, doing hobbies, etc. It's maladaptive, that's why it's a mental illness.

2. "Why don't you just stop?"

Maladaptive daydreaming is a behavioural addiction and stopping MaDD would give me the same struggles that an alcoholic would have when trying to stop drinking alcohol. Daydreaming is constantly happening because I always have thoughts in my brain; I'm like an alcoholic with an endless supply of alcohol.

3. "That sounds so fun! I wish I had your creativity!"

MaDD can be fun in theory of course and the idea of daydreaming about such amazing things all the time sounds great but it isn't like that at all.

Firstly, I suppose I do have control over when or how I daydream but I have a very limited control over what I daydream about. I remember one point in the past where I was happily daydreaming about Shelter, my 1st paracosm, but I then soon started to daydream about Lost Children, and since I could only daydream about my verit in Shelter, this made me feel depressed.

Secondly, I also often have quite disturbing/dark daydreams. I call it an emotionally devastating/EmDe daydream because, when I daydream a para's pain, I can almost physically feel it, and it makes my heart hurt. EmDe daydreams have to be what I hate the most about MaDD because I would never want to see such horrible things happen to the people I love, and it makes me feel guilty for imagining such sick and disgusting things for my own brain's entertainment. I feel better though, knowing that I share these struggles with most, if not all, other MaDDers.

In addition to that, the obsession and connection with my parame has led to my own fear of needles and surgery, all because of her own trauma. My brain has created a fake person, with fake trauma, and given me real fear.

No, maladaptive daydreaming is not 'fun'.

4. "Isn't that just schizophrenia?"

No, all MaDDers can easily understand the difference between reality and fiction, and while our daydreams can be quite vivid at times, we know they aren't real. None of us have any sort of hallucinations, delusions or paranoia, unless we also have schizophrenia alongside MaDD - which isn't unheard of, since MaDD usually accompanies other mental illnesses, and people like me, who only have MaDD, aren't too common.

[hardforbenhardy]

period | benxfem!reader

summary: your period is the bane of your existence, and makes being in a new relationship a little awkward. you don’t want ben to know, because your too embarrassed; but of course, he finds out

warnings: fluff, fluff and even more fluff

word count: 2.6k

i love ben just as equally as i love roger so i decided to write one for him, hope you enjoy :)

The stabbing pains in your abdomen wouldn't leave, you felt like you could barely even move without going to throw up. It felt as if your stomach had been tied in a knot a million times, so tight that it was impossible to take a breath. An ear-splitting thumping resided in the back of your head, the sensation of a hot rod being pressed against the right side of your head. Your eyes filled with hot tears which allowed themselves to roll down your reddened cheeks, wetting the surface indefinitely. The pain was almost unbearable; no matter how often it happened, you were never able to get used to it. It happened every single month - the same week, the same amount of days, the same symptoms. Your period was the utter bane of your existence.

You had been to the doctor about it multiple times, all they could do was prescribe pills to ease the pain, though they barely did anything. The only benefit of said pill was that you and your boyfriend, Ben, didn't have to bother with protection when you went at it (as long as you'd both been tested recently of course) Thankfully, it wasn't something the two of you shied away from conversing about; you were both very open to each other about your sex life and that's what made it so much better. You both knew exactly what each other liked, what each other didn't like, the best positions; after only 4 months of being together, you and Ben were inseparable. Which honestly confused you a little considering you still found it extremely awkward and embarrassing to talk to him about your period. You didn't really know why, you knew it was nothing to be ashamed of and that it happens to everyone; but it just made you feel that little bit weak and kind of gross. Thankfully, your period did only last 3-4 days usually, so it wasn't hard to hide away from Ben's company during the time period; you would usually explain you have a lot of paperwork to get done so you couldn't allow yourself any distractions. Admittedly, Ben was a little suspicious that you were always so busy that you couldn't even text him, at the same time every month; but he believed you and he didn't want to bug you about it. Even if you were lying to him, he knew it must've been for a valid reason. Or at least, he hoped. This month, however, he wanted to see you; he had major news that he wanted to share as soon as possible.

The alert on your phone broke the silence of the room suddenly, making you jump a little, which sent a shot of pain surging through your body. You rolled onto your side as carefully as you could, clutching tightly onto your stomach in an attempt to alleviate any pain you could, to pick up your phone and squint your eyes to read it.

Benny💓

Love, I know you're busy, but I need to see you - can I come over? I have some major news and I want to tell you first! x

You felt a wave of anxiety rush over you as you tried to think of an excuse to keep him away. Though the idea of 'major news' intrigued you, you were in no shape at all to even see Ben, let alone get excited about whatever he had to tell you. Therefore, in an attempt to scare him away, you texted him back.

You

Sounds lovely babe, but I'm really really busy and if I don't have this work done, I'm getting fired for good! Wait for tomorrow x

Benny💓

But I can't wait! It'll probably be all over the news by tomorrow - I promise it'll take like 10 minutes of your time. Surely you should take a break, you've been at it for 3 days straight now x

You

Ben, if it's that important, then you can text it me. You can't come over.

Benny💓

Love, are you okay? You sound a little off x

Have I done something wrong?

Love?

You knew he hadn't, and you knew you shouldn't be taking out your pain on him; but your hormones were making you much more impatient than usual. You didn't answer, instead just threw your phone on the other side of the bed and groaned loudly, the tears began to roll down your cheeks again. You hated, absolutely hated, being rude to Ben; especially when he did nothing to deserve it at all. But your patience was running thin and if the only way was to ignore him and his texts, then that's what you'd do. Of course it didn't work at all, because about 10 minutes later you heard the front door to your apartment click open and Ben's voice shouting through "Y/N?"

You shot up off the bed, ignoring the huge amounts of pain it sent through you, to his deep voice echoing through your flat. Ben was partly expecting to either see you at the dinner table surrounded by a sea of books, or strangely to be met with the sounds of your moans; but instead it was just silence. You admitted defeat, knowing you now had no chance of hiding away from him any longer, so you just remained curled up in your duvet. "In here" You rasply shouting through to the hall, hoping he would hear you're dishevelled voice. You knew he had once you heard his footsteps racing down the hallway towards the door, his excited voice shouting through "I got the best news today, babe, it was from the producers of that film I auditioned for a few weeks back- Babe?"

You could sense Ben was now in the room due to the fact his voice was loud enough and not to mention the fact the room was now flooded with a bright light which sent you blind for a second or two. The pounding in your head only worsened with the sudden beams entering your sight, making you groan loudly in excruciating pain. You felt the bed dip slightly beside you and a hand shake your shoulder, but you resisted turning to face him as you knew full well you looked like an absolute mess. "Babe, what's wrong?"

"Ben, would you just fuck off" You snapped, the anger surging through your body after he blatantly went against your orders to not come over. However, you instantly felt regret and turned to face Ben - "B-ben, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that, I-I-"

"Y/N, please just tell me what is wrong, h-have you been crying? Have I done something wrong?" He breathed, his eyes beginning to glass over a little too at the sight of you, his mind searching for things he may have done to upset you in any way so he could reverse it, or at least try to. You went to sit against the headboard, trying your hardest to ignore the stabbing pains in your abdomen from the movement, which were making you wince loudly and more tears come out your eyes. Ben immediately grabbed the top of your arms to help lift you up, easing the strain the little and therefore the pain.

"N-no Ben, you've done nothing wrong I promise. I've just been ill for the past few days and I didn't want to trouble you was all" You rasped, your throat completely giving out. Ben furrowed his brows but immediately jumped off the bed to dial down the light to a more suitable level, knowing that it probably meant you had a headache and a bright light was the worst of situations for you right now.

"Love, not to be rude, but this isn't just feeling 'ill'. There is something seriously wrong with you - you are in pain whenever you move, you've got a migraine, you look like you've been crying all day every day, and you have bags under your eyes. Look, I'm calling the doctors and I'll get you an appointment, and in the meanwhile I'll stay here and keep you company, okay?" He explained, going to grab his phone out his pocket and dial the doctors.

"N-no Ben, you don't need to call the doctors! I promise, I'll be fine tomorrow, there's nothing to worry about"

"Y/N, there's a lot to worry about - you are in a lot of pain, and this happens every month at the same time, you block me out and by the sounds of it, everyone else. Please just explain-"

"I'm on my period Ben! Okay!" You snapped, your patience running thin. You honestly expected him to catch on to it by now, considering you weren't hiding it very well, but you had no choice but to shout it out. Your cheeks blushed when you realised what you had just admitted, and you went to pull the covers back over your head to hide yourself, but that didn't stop Ben from comforting you. You didn't notice his reaction to what you said considering you were too busy burying yourself in the silk sheets of your duvet.

"Honey, why didn't you just say so?" He comforted, making you peek your head out to look at him sat next to you. He climbed under the covers with you and pulled you tightly into his warm embrace, letting you sob softly into his chest.

"Because it's embarrassing Ben! We've only been together for a few months! It makes me feel weak, and I feel like a bitch all the time because of my hormones, a-and I feel gross" You stuttered, the positioning of your head mumbling the words and vibrating his chest softly. You felt Ben release a large puff of air and his arms tighten around your waist.

"Love, I'm not one of those guys who thinks you're disgusting because you menstruate. It's completely natural, and I couldn't care less if you are bleeding from your vagina or not - you tell me when you don't feel well and you let me care for you. I don't like seeing you like this - now I'm going to pop out for 10 minutes and then I'll be straight back, okay?" Ben grinned down at you, stroking his hand through your knotted hair in a calming manner. You groan a little at the idea of being alone again, but you know that Ben wouldn't leave you unless he absolutely had too so you nodded your head slightly, the movement straining your neck a little. A smile was plastered on your face at Bens word, however, feeling a little better about your period. At least you could talk to him about it now, and you would feel a little less removed or awkward. You felt shivers course through your body when Ben released you from his snuggly embrace and stood up beside the bed, pulling on his coat and grabbing the car keys. The ten minutes he was gone, you felt awful again - you felt nauseous, your headache was back, you felt like you we being stabbed a million times, but most of all you felt confused. With Ben by your side, you realised how alleviated you were of the pain from before, but all that was different was Bens comfort.

You were knocked out of your thoughts when the door slammed shut again, hearing Ben shout "I'm back" through the corridor. A grin stretched across your face when you looked up to see Ben stood in the doorway to your bedroom, holding 3 full shopping bags and also carrying multiple blankets and hoodies - his, to be exact. "I didn't really know what to get but I remember you telling me a few weeks ago that there were some movies you hadn't seen yet but wanted to watch, so I got them. I also bought you some chocolate - your favourite, obviously - and some ice cream. Oh, and I stopped at mine to grab you some of my hoodies because you always say how you like them"

"Only because they smell like you" You chuckle breathly, lifting your body to rest against the headboard and make grabby hands toward the bags, like a child asking for its sippy cup. Ben chuckled back, bringing the bags over to the bed and rushing to the kitchen to grab spoons so the two of you could dig into the ice cream. "I-I seriously can't thank you enough Ben, what did I do to deserve you"

"Love, you don't need to thank me. I love you so much, I don't want to see you like that ever again okay, so you tell me when you feel ill or upset so I can help you"

You couldn't really respond, your voice giving out, so you nodded gently and took a large bite of the mint ice cream. Ben laughed when you moaned at the sensation of the cold hitting your tongue, making you laugh too. Soon your mood changed, not in a bad way, but you found yourself crying instead of laughing. You seriously couldn't fathom how you had scored a boyfriend like Ben - he could have anyone he chooses, but he still chose you. Ben noticed that your laughter had turned to tears, and immediately dropped his spoon to help you.

"What is it love? Are you okay? Is it your cramps again? I got you some heating pads but I'm not sure how they work, let me just-" He fretted, but he was quickly stopped when he noticed me laughing again. "N-no, just hormones babe I'm fine. In fact, I'm a lot better now you're here- I guess you're like my cure or whatever. Could we watch one of those films you got and cuddle?"

He took one of the films out the bag and put in in your tv, while you stripped your top off and threw one of Bens baggy hoodies over your head, letting it bunch around your chin so you could smell the scent of Ben easily. It was your absolute favourite scent- there were all kinds of smells combined into one like some magical concoction; the smell of his cinnamon spice shower gel, his tea tree shampoo, cigarette smoke (which you didn't particularly like, but when tied in with everything else, it was like the cherry on the cake); but most prominent of them all was sandalwood. You considered this to be his natural scent, which you thought was a little ironic based on the fact that sandalwood's fragrance is closest to the human pheromone and is traditionally considered as an aphrodisiac, and you had never been more attracted to a man in your life. He chuckled at the sight of you taking a big inhale through your nose to really take in the smells, but you didn't care because you felt like you were in heaven. Ben threw himself back onto the bed, and cuddled up close to you, wrapping his arms around you waist and resting your head on his chest. Then you remembered the actual reason Ben had come round in the first place:

"What was your big news?"

"Oh, I completely forgot about that. I got that role I auditioned for a few weeks back, you know the one for that action movie." He grinned, making you squeal in excitement

"Really?! Ben that's amazing! I'm so proud of you!! How could you forget something like that!"

"Because whenever I'm with you, I swear everything else just disappears"

"I love you Ben Jones" You grin, your heart skipping a beat at his words. You had found the cure to your pain, when it had been there all along. It didn't surprise you one bit, but you were just glad you now had even more excuses to cuddle to the love of your life.

What did you do to deserve this man?

[projectfreeflight]

Aerodynamics

Note to self, figure out a way to open an article that does not include adding a note to self just to have something to start with.

That aside, welcome to your first lesson in aviation—aerodynamics! It's important that you understand this principle in order to grasp what exactly allows an aircraft to fly—and why some conditions can create an environment in which those factors no longer allow an aircraft to fly (and you fall out of the sky like a brick).

In this lesson, we'll cover the four forces of flight and how flight can affect the balance of those forces.

So take a look at this image:

It's pretty simple. There are two forces acting on the vertical axis of the aircraft, and two forces acting on the horizontal axis. These forces are always going to be such relative to the aircraft.

Lift and Weight

Lift: An upward force perpendicular to the chord line caused by air moving over the wing.

Weight: Gravity pulling downward on the aircraft.

Where does lift come from?

The first question to answer is where lift and weight come from.

Well, more like lift. If you don't know where the weight comes from, it's Fg=mg. It's gravity dragging our planet toward the sweet embrace of the cold, hard ground (fun fact we don't want to embrace the cold, hard ground of the Earth unless it's a very gentle touchdown like a landing).

As seen above, lift is the upward force caused by air flowing over the wing that enables a plane to defy gravity. It's a cool showcase of physics and engineering.

Lift comes from two things: Newton's 3rd Law, and Bernoulli's Principle (I think I spelled that wrong).

Newton's 3rd Law essentially specifies that for every force, there is an equal and opposite reaction force. Think about squeezing something between your hands. Your hands are applying a force onto the block, but the block applies an equal and opposite reaction force onto your hand.

Same goes for flying. All wings are not perfectly horizontal, and in flight, they tend to be pitched slightly up. This causes incoming air to hit the bottom of the wing and be deflected downward. The wing exerts a downward force on the incoming air, and thus the air exerts an equal and opposite force onto the wing—lift. You can also observe this cool trick by sticking your hand out the car window. Flatten your hand out and make it horizontal with the airflow. Then start tilting your hand back.

Your hand will be pushed up by the air. Call it magic. Or lift. I'd like to call it magic because that's honestly what it is but for the purposes of this course I feel it would be better to address things by the proper terminology.

Sorry, magical air.

Bernoulli's law is a neat little trick of fluid physics that enables an aerofoil to generate lift based on pressure gradients.

That sounds complicated. Let's dumb it down.

So a couple hundred years ago this guy Bernoulli decided to experiment with moving fluids. His experiments concluded that faster-moving air exerts a smaller pressure on its surrounding areas than stationary or slower moving air.

Ever left a window open and the blinds pulled toward it? That's probably because of a breeze blowing across the window (thus creating a low pressure area outside the window). The higher pressure inside the room then moved outside (nature loves equilibrium) and that's what pushed the blinds around. It's not a ghost. Sorry.

This happens on an aircraft wing too.

Take a look at the diagram above if you get lose anywhere in my explanation. I'll try my best to keep it simple.

So when an aerofoil moves through the atmosphere it splits the incoming air into two parts: the part that goes over and wing and the part that goes under the wing.

Here's the neat part.

The wing is shaped so that the distance from the leading edge, over the top of the wing, and to the trailing edge is longer than the distance from the leading edge, under the wing, and then to the trailing edge. In other words, the top of the wing is longer than the bottom, and so the air going over the top goes a longer distance.

This is why aircraft wings have a flat bottom and a curved top.

It just so happens that this longer distance will make the air going over the top of the wings speed up in order to meet the air going under at the same time.

So the air going over the wing is going zoom, creating a low pressure area, and the air going under is just plodding along, creating a high pressure area.

And the high pressure area wants to go to the low pressure area so it pushes against the wing and...

lift.

(it also creates something called wake turbulence and wingtip vortices but I'll address that later)

So we know two things contribute to lift. Lift is the sum of both the lift produced by Newton's 3rd Law and the lift produced by Bernoulli's Principle. This means at low airspeeds when Bernoulli's Principle isn't as relevant and therefore produces less lift, we can compensate by pitching up to increase the number of air molecules deflecting the wing upward. The opposite also applies.

One important thing to note (that's why I'm writing it in bold, so pay attention): It's not the aircraft's wing moving across the horizontal plane that produces lift, it's the aircraft's wing moving relative to the oncoming airflow. There's something called a chord line, which runs from the leading edge of the wing to the trailing edge, that when compared with the oncoming airflow, produces something called Angle of Attack. AoA is VERY critical to flight.

If we begin to increase the AoA such that the angle between the chord line and oncoming air gets bigger, we can eventually reach a point called the critical AoA. It's around 17 degrees of pitch and what happens is the air no longer flows smoothly over the wing. This destroys the airflow and subsequently, the lift.

That is called a stall. We'll cover that later.

Lift and weight is what makes the aircraft go up and down. Think of it as balancing a scale. In straight and level flight, the aircraft is not accelerating (or gaining speed) in any direction.

Think about it this way. Take an object (as I'm writing this I'm holding my phone up like an idiot to come up with this demonstration. But trust me, it works) like a phone and hold it vertically. Grasp the top with one hand.

You are carrying the weight of the phone. In other words, gravity is exerting a downward force on the phone, but your arm is exerting an upward force of the same magnitude in the opposite direction.

They cancel out. And so the phone doesn't move.

That's what happens in straight and level flight. Life and weight are balanced, cancel out, and so the aircraft doesn't go up or down. We can cruise along at the same altitude.

So what happens if that balance is disturbed? What happens if, for example, we increase the lift produced by the aircraft?

Well, how can we increase the lift?

We can pitch up. That will increase the amount of air hitting the underside of the wing, thus producing a bigger force (Newton's 3rd Law). This is also known as increasing our AoA. However, if we don't adjust our power setting, we'll start slowing down since the engine was originally configured just to be moving forward, not forward and upward. So we'll have to bump in a little power.

We can also just speed up without touching the pitch by increasing power. This will increase the amount of air flowing over the wings (Bernoulli's Principle).

So we can pitch up and we can speed up to increase our lift. Now the lift is greater than gravity. And we go up. Or, in the case of taking off, we rise from the ground majestically like a giant hunk of aluminum with wings.

Oh wait. That's us.

The reverse also applies. If we wanted to descend, we could decrease the lift by reducing power and slowing down or decreasing our AoA. Now the lift produced by the wings is less than the weight of gravity dragging us toward the Earth and we get dragged toward the Earth.

We'll talk about utilizing these techniques later.

Power and Drag

This section will be a lot shorter than the first because a) it's slightly less important than the thing that makes planes go up and b) it's pretty simple.

Power is the force produced by the propeller when it spins through the air and pulls the aircraft forward. Think about each individual propeller as a wing—except instead of being flat, they're vertical. This has the effect of producing a forward "lift" force.

Drag is only slightly more complicated.

Drag is the friction produced by the movement of air around the aircraft. It's the opposing force you feel whenever you hold a flat sheet of cardboard in front of you and try to run forward.

So there are two types of drag: Induced and parasite drag.

Induced drag is the drag caused by the aircraft producing lift.

Let's break that down.

So we have a wing that produces lift. We have to angle that wing in order to achieve lift. The air hitting the bottom of the wing gets deflected down, but something also has to stop it's forward motion relative to the wing.

And whaddaya know, there's a nice piece of wing to do that. So all that momentum gets transferred to the wing, and that's the drag it'll experience.

If that's too confusing think of it this way. Sticking your hand out the window and angling it back to produce "lift", you'll also feel a backwards pressure. That's induced drag.

Induced drag increases with AoA, so at low airspeeds that is the greatest. It is the least at high airspeeds.

Why? Well, that's because induced drag is proportional to the AoA since a higher AoA equates to more air molecules smacking into the wing and therefore more drag. At low airspeeds, AoA is greater in order to maintain lift (see above in the Lift and Gravity section). So that means more drag. At high airspeeds, Bernoulli's Principle contributes to most of the lift so we don't need to deflect as many air molecules downward. This means we can pitch down slightly, reducing induced drag.

Parasite drag is the drag produced by the forward motion of the aircraft. Parasite drag can be aggravated by skin friction drag, where non-smooth surfaces catch more air than smooth ones (rough paint job or dead bugs hanging out on the surface, for example). Another possible factor is when some laminar flow develops when the air flowing over two different parts of the aircraft meet. That's called interference drag.

Fun fact that's why aerodynamics hate right angles, as that's where the greatest interference drag is formed.

There's also something called form drag, but that's just the aircraft's ugly face butting aside air as it moves.

Parasite drag is greatest at high airspeeds since the aircraft has to move more air in the same given amount of time.

So let's think. Parasite drag is the drag produced by the aircraft moving through the air. That means at low speeds parasite drag is lower because there is less air molecules to move in the same given amount of time than at a higher speed. That's why it's greatest when going zoom.

So we know induced drag is greatest at low airspeeds, and parasite drag is greatest at high airspeeds. If we chart the two together and find the total amount of drag at all airspeeds, we find something like this:

You'll see a graph of the total drag takes an interesting shape. You'll also notice there's a point where the total drag is lowest that happens at a certain airspeed.

That particular airspeed is very convenient in the event of an engine failure in order to minimize drag and maximize the distance and time you can stay in the air. That's what we call best glide speed.

And... that's it. That's all you need to know on the four forces of flight (I'm double checking my notes just to make sure I really covered everything).

Boom. Your first lesson. Already on your way to becoming an aviator!

[prioritizingpurples]

there's this green blogger I follow, limmuda, and they've just posted something about purples being allies to greens and I don't feel like we're obligated to being their allies, but the points they make sound convincing and i'm having trouble articulating why i disagree. if you have time/energy could you have a look at their post and share your thoughts? i understand if you can't, I just really look up to you as a purple role-model

You've hit on it in your ask, really--purples are not morally obligated to be the "allies" of greens to the same extent that greens are to purples. I had trouble articulating my disagreement, at first, too, and I think that's because we give similar practical advice: listen to people no matter their speaking style, genuinely follow through on what you hear, assume that people are experts on their own lives, said and don't overgeneralize about a whole caste based on knowing a couple. This is good advice when thinking about how to approach people from ANY caste as individuals (and I think that's an important thing to note--that doing this to other castes is good advice, but if you do it to purples you're an ally. the bar is low to be an ally, i promise!) But, while the advice is the same, the situations are not--greens are privileged over purples. like, if I were writing a guide on how poor people can be an ally to rich people, I would include stuff like "listen to people no matter their speaking style and don't assume they're all the same". but yknow what? i don't really care about how to be an ally to rich people! i do care to some degree how to be an ally to greens, but it's not my first priority, and it doesn't have to be. expecting purples to be allies to greens can conflict with expecting greens to be allies to purples--for example, if a purple squashes their own natural speaking style and emotional reactions in order to be an ally to greens. not only that, purples are already expected to be "allies" to greens. in day to day life, people see their style of speaking as "smart", many of us adopt it in order to be taken more seriously, and people assume their opinions are more valid and grounded than ours (even if the green is, say, an art green!), etc. while there may be places that are purple-dominated, and where green styles of speaking are seen as condescending or out-of-touch, these are mostly (a) online, where it probably will not affect your life, and (b) in purple areas that are almost entirely purple and which will almost certainly not have any greens unless the greens really want to be there--essentially, greens can avoid messages from purple culture, while purples cannot avoid messages from green culture. i think it's telling that their answer focused mostly on cultural misunderstandings and miscommunications, while mine focused more on treating purples fairly and calling out people who don't. now, if a purple WANTS to go out of their way to be extra understanding and kind to greens due to cultural differences, that's fine! it's a-ok for purples to identify as green allies! but it's also fine for purples to say "i have been pretending all day that you sound smart when the only thing i can think of is how much i feel condescended to and i'm going to vent about that on my personal blog". doing so is not violating caste solidarity or failing to be understanding of cultural differences--on the other hand, expecting nobody to feel that way is. it is /absolutely fine/ to say "yknow what, i don't want to be a green ally, i want to focus on what i can do for my fellow purples".which, like, not that greens don't have problems, or don't face casteism--they do. but generally not because of purples. i will still call out anti-green casteism when i see it, because casteism is wrong and we're all oppressed under blues, but these are fundamentally different situations and can't be treated interchangeably. and as a purple, i am going to prioritize purples. i have no problem if a green decides that they are going to prioritize other greens and problems that greens face, as long as they don't endorse anti-purple casteism--that's the basis of my separatism. as separate castes, we have different concerns and priorities, and since each caste knows themselves and their needs best, each caste should focus within themselves to fix their problems and meet their needs instead of relying on other castes. (for this reason, i'd be more comfortable declaring myself an ally to e.g. a green separatist cause, organization, or movement than just "an ally to greens".)also, when greens face casteism from purples, it is almost (almost! not 100%, but usually. do not bombard me with messages about edge cases) always in a low-stakes situation in which the purple has little or no power, social or material, over the green. when purples face casteism from greens, it is much more likely to be a higher-stakes situation in which the green has power over the purple. ("is stupid a worse insult when said to greens or purples?" vs "are purple artists real artists who deserve to be seen as such and compensated for their work?") we do not have the same moral obligation to not get in flame wars or be mildly rude to random strangers as we do to not demean and attempt to damage people's livelihoods--and purples do not have the same moral obligation to be a green ally as greens do to be a purple ally. greens have power, both individually and as a caste, that purples simply do not, and the more power you have the more careful you have to be to not hurt people with less power. (yes, yes, I know, starving artist vs purple billionaire, generalizations are bad. generalizations are also necessary, because we don't have time to talk about every single green and purple on the planet.) not all casteism is created equal. the average purple cannot effect the lives of blues except maybe by sending anon hate. the average blue can effect the lives of purples in so many ways, whether through land or law or money. not all power differentials are that severe! but even when they're subtler--maybe even especially when they're subtler--it's important to pay attention to them. (another thing that greens can do: when we upset you, avoid it--walk away, block us, whatever. because you have that luxury. anti-green casteism is generally not as widespread or as vicious "irl" as anti-purple casteism is, because greens have that privilege. take advantage of it.)....gosh, this got very long and rambly, whoops! thank you so much for the compliment by the way nonny, i really am honored by it. i'm not a role model, haha, i'm just a 4-year-old with internet access and too much time on her hands. but it means a lot to me! hearing stuff like that is why i keep running this blog. it's so incredible to know that i inspire other purples like this!