#unjustified arachnophobia | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lightlycareless · 2 years ago

Text

First, it hurts— Chapter XVIII

Naoya Zen’in x Fem!Reader

While arranged marriages are not uncommon in the jujutsu community, it was strange to receive a proposal from none other than the Zen’in’s, nonetheless your clan accepted and before you knew it, you were married off to Naoya.

Your new purpose was clear: to serve and submit, to be seen and not heard. To forget any sense of individuality in favor of obeying your husband.

Will this marriage ever flourish into something else? Will it change…for better or for worse?

Chapter warnings: Mentions of menstruation, cramps, arachnophobia (lol), misogyny, abuse.

A/N: Heya everyone! Back with another chapter :>! I remember liking this one allot when I wrote it, so I hope you like it as well! (Y/N is acting in a funny kinda way for me, but please understand where she's coming from😭)

Now, without any further ado, happy reading! 🥰

Masterlist ➸ Chapter 19

Ao3 link.

The earth seemed to shatter upon realizing you weren’t as solitary as you initially thought.

When you think you have found a place of sanctuary, a safe haven of sorts that would allow you to look back at the consequences of your actions and denounce the unjustifiable pain you’ve inflicted onto others, you’re reminded by the staggering voice behind you that, not even during your lowest point, were you allowed a second of privacy.

Vulnerable and petrified, all you’re able to muster up through the nauseating fright his presence entails is the slow swirl of your head at his direction as your mind goes through countless explanations in a desperate attempt to make heads or tails of this unexpected predicament—only to fail miserably due to the lack of a break from between drowning in an ocean of sorrow just a few seconds ago, pulled out, and then tossed back right into it.

This time however, it wasn’t sorrow that engulfed you, but horror instead.

But even with the overwhelming amount of emotions you were tackled with one after the other, without a chance to breathe, that wasn’t the reason you speculated that kept you at bay.

No.

The reason that rooted you into the spot was that you were noticed, approached, and exposed by a man that proclaimed to be none other than your husband’s brother .

And with his irrefutable similarity to Naoya, you knew this to be the truth.

This shocking statement blinds you to the gentle undertone that accompanied Naoaki’s words, —his intention solely focused on ceasing you from seeing him as a total stranger, and paint him in a more approachable light— and instead, only highlights the immeasurable amount of fear you had for the Zen’in family and their highly volatile, incredibly treacherous behavior.

Without a second to waste, you rush to push your body away from him thanks to the combined effort of your hands and legs working together, all whilst your eyes remain fixated on his face—you can’t seem to shake the chilling sensation his likeness to Naoya gave to your spine, even if you consciously tried to remind yourself that this wasn’t your husband , but his brother.

Nonetheless, all thoughts that didn’t pertain to your escape were quickly discarded in favor of keeping you on high alert as you now proceed to lift yourself up from the floor.

Because the last thing you needed today was to expose yourself to someone who could take your misery as an opportunity to attack and hurt you even further.

Through watery eyes, you’re able to pinpoint the closest route of escape, which turns out to be the same hallway you’ve arrived from.

You take one last glance at Naoaki to confirm he’s still in the same position, and when that seems to be the truth, you take a deep exhale, turn on your heels, and run .

He attempts to reach out to you by stretching his arms and reaching for your forearm, a gentle hold to stop you in your tracks and gain him a chance to clear this misunderstanding, but your survival instincts prove to be faster than his reaction, leading him to barely brush the sleeve of your kimono with his fingertips as you pass by him.

“Wait!” If he couldn’t physically stop you, then maybe calling out to you would snap you out of your trance—but to his dismay, you don’t even bother glance back at him as you continue to rush through the hall.

Within a few seconds, you’ve vanished into the next room.

His voice requesting you to stop only managed to heighten the heaviness that began to build on your chest, and the fear that he might resort to chasing you down makes you avoid the possibility of returning even further.

You begin to feel breathless, fatigued, and the necessity to stop and rest grows bigger and bigger by each passing second; but the adrenaline of this encounter manages to fuel you enough until you’re back to your previous location, which was by Mariya’s side.

Upon noticing your flustered expression and your desperate gasps, which looked as if you were trying to inhale more than just air, your main lady-in-waiting’s first instinct was to guide you by the shoulders towards an empty room, where she would be able to calm you down with the interference of prying eyes.

“Inhale, Lady Y/N, slowly” her voice is composed and clear she starts as she carefully helps you sit down on a nearby gray zabuton “Inhale, slowly—I’ll help you by counting”

Mariya starts counting from 1 to 5 with 1 second intervals between each number. Once at 5, she asks you to hold in your breathing for another 5 seconds, before counting downwards to your exhale.

She repeats this process 2 or 3 times more, and with each set, she notes your breathing to stabilize a little bit more, until you no longer seem to be approaching the realms of hyperventilation. Although your cheeks remain ruby red alongside the burning sensation on your eyes.

“What happened, Lady Y/N?” Mariya begins to ask, quietly and assertively, as to avoid overwhelming your senses any further and inviting you to respond to the best of your capabilities.

“I—I…!” you feel capable of formulating a string of words, but sadly, often not what you feel doesn’t always correlate with what you’re able to do so, thus the only sounds that come out of your tense lips are broken words and unfinished syllables, a clear sign that you continued to be highly affected by this event. “I—do—”

“It’s ok—it’s ok” Mariya attempts to soothe you by rubbing your back in circular motions. “Don’t force yourself”

But as seconds pass, you feel that her last words are quickly running out of effectiveness and it doesn’t take long for your psyche to start working against you—depicting Mariya in a dark portrait of someone who is becoming intolerant to your predicament, and wouldn’t hesitate to lash out at you once her limit was breached.

This sour speculation forces you to work against the lump on your throat, but one again, all that ever comes out of your mouth are unfinished murmurs.

Mariya, contrary to your sabotaging representation, takes this situation with nothing but understanding, concluding that whatever happened to incite this reaction out of you was not to be undermined, and would continue to patiently wait for your rapid-beating heart to cool down. After all, it is in her duties to serve you in all aspects, specially during difficult times, and to offer you company for as long as you need.

Eventually, your breathing seems to pace down even further, to the point you no longer feel the lump of your throat or the thundering of your heart against your chest, making you capable of finally speaking out a word.

“I…I think I saw–s-someone” you swallow. It’s only then that you acknowledge how sore your throat has become.

“Someone?” Mariya quizzes, the mention of a mysterious 3rd party is enough to make her tense up. “Who…who did you see?”

You inhale, but as you proceed to open your mouth to enlighten her, the recollection of your last interaction with her comes crashing down onto your psyche, basking you in the sentiment of disbelief you felt for her in that moment, and the sour aftermath that ignited your departure in the first place.

It’s true that your last conversation was far from ideal, appropriate, or fulfilling as Mariya had initially intended—but it was never in her notions to steer you into the path of animosity, she just wanted you to understand the surroundings of your new everyday life, so as to prevent you being caught off guard any further.

But you never gave her the chance to explain herself, nor did you hold the interest to do so. In your mind, she had attempted to shepherd you into the same understanding the Zen’in men held for those they considered beneath them, something you fiercely opposed due to the morals you were raised with.

It hurts you that Mariya, a close servant to you, would even entertain the idea of sharing these thoughts with you, knowing well all that you’ve gone through.

And it’s with this pain that you’ve regrettably decided to settle on a different answer, one that would avoid you being put under scrutiny for your lack of tact when approached by a master , one that would only accentuate the ruptured relationship a servant had with their mistress.

“I…I saw a spider” it’s what you determine “In my bedroom”

“A…spider?” Mariya ponders back, beguiled .

“A big one” you continue to lie, even shuddering in disgust as to make your words more convincing. “It’s…huge, ugly. I don’t like spiders”

And as much as she tried to hold back her skepticism from showing, for she undoubtedly expected something much…graver, her true emotions still manage to surface by the form of a raised eyebrow and a twisted lip.

Sure, she knew of people who were acute arachnophobes who at the mere mention of said animal would shriek in fear, but you didn’t strike her as that kind of person…at least, not until now.

This only proves that Mariya has still lots to learn from you. However, who is to talk about phobias as if it were a casual, everyday conversation? Certainly not you, who had been virtually kidnaped by Junko every single day, as she doubts you ever discussed this topic with her.

And the days you’ve taken a vow of silence after Naoya’s treatment , you refused to even look at them. These circumstances made it impossible for her to get to know you.

Moving on, the other question that remained unsolved was…how did a spider manage to infiltrate your room, when she and the rest of your staff went through daily efforts to clean your room to prevent this specific situation from happening?

Could she have been outsmarted by an eight-legged creature?

Or were you perhaps… lying ?

Guess she’ll have to wait and see which one it was.

“Where is it?” Mariya questions further, intending on continuing her duty to you.

“By the window” your voice trembles, realizing that the lies you’ve begun to spin could set you in another tight predicament: If Mariya was to go to your chambers, and notice it was clean of any arachnid, there was no doubt that your ploy would come undone and you’d be left stranded to come up with another lie.

However, dealing with Mariya was far less dangerous than dealing with your husband’s brother.

Now that you’ve compared both situations, you realize that lying about a spider was a sacrifice you were willing to make, for as long as you were capable of doing so, if it meant getting you from a possible agonizing encounter.

“Alright” she nods as she pushes herself up from the floor, determined to deal with the problem from the root. “Stay here—I’ll handle the spider”

“No!” You cry as you suddenly realize what Mariya was about to do, and what that meant for you.

The older woman bewilderedly stares back at you as she scrambles to understand why you were out of nowhere against her getting rid of the issue that caused you so much uneasiness. Your reaction seems to incline her further to her initial suspicion, which determined you were lying by some uncovered reason.

You quickly notice this, and wanting to cover this slip up as quickly as possible, you’re prompted to act:

“I—I want to go” you explain “I’m tired and…I don’t want to wait for you while you go , and then come back , and then go again, when I can just accompany you” you conclude nonchalantly.

Mariya continues to silently stare at you.

If she already had her doubts about your reaction, this only reinforced her skepticism.

But if there’s one thing she's gotten to learn about you in this short time you’ve been with her, is that if you weren’t willing to tell her something—you wouldn’t. And at that point there was no reason to continue beating a dead horse if this could lead you to getting angry at her, or in this case, getting you further anxious.

Thus, she eventually accepts your suggestion with a quick nod and proceeds to carefully lift you up by pulling your right arm until you’re standing on your feet.

Once your balance is regained, she makes way to the shoji door and gently slides it open, motioning you to go first, per etiquette.

You take a deep breath as you make way through the door, immediately proceeding to dart your eyes across the area, for the paranoia of Naoaki following you had not once left your attention.

Thankfully, your sight found nothing besides the floral inhabitation and the calming presence of running water from the nearby pond. This sets you and your maid in relative solitude, which urges you to take advantage of the situation and rush Mariya towards your bedroom under the guise of wanting to get rid of the arachnid crisis before settling down for a small afternoon nap.

"Would you like me to postpone Junko's lessons?" Mariya asks as she guides you through the halls, all while you are stuck by her side, using her as some kind of shield to keep out of the threatening gaze of Naoaki.

"If it’s possible, then yes” You play along as your eyes continue to scan each room you pass by. “I don't feel that good to be honest. I think it might be my period coming up"

Mariya suddenly stops.

“You should’ve told me earlier, Lady Y/N!” she lightly scolds you as a feeling of shame for her untimely conversation with you regarding the twins begins to engulf her persona. “I could’ve prepared everything before hand”

“I—I forgot about it” you laugh nervously, growing desperate for her sudden decision to stop out of the blue. “It’s fine, really. I initially thought my period was to arrive much later, but I guess not”

You sought to take advantage of Mariya's sense of responsibility with your carefully crafted sentence, knowing well that if you were to toss the word period into the conversation, she would zero in on getting you to your room: no distractions, and no members of the clan to entertain, just her getting you to your place of comfort and nothing more.

But more than just her dedication, your words also manage to obtain something extra to work in your favor, and that is, the dawning of realization that your behavior could’ve been influenced by your monthly hormonal changes.

Many don’t know this, but it is possible to suffer a kind of psychosis prior to the beginning of a menstrual cycle, or even after it’s done—or so the doctor wrote in a document he’d sent to Naoya in hopes to prepare him for your imminent dynamic behavior.

It’s a rare symptom, but very much real, and you seem to be unlucky enough to suffer from it.

"Well…the doctor did say that your period would be irregular the first few months" Mariya reflects as her doubt of you lying to her is promptly tossed out the window “Let’s hope your cramps aren’t that bad this time”

“I hope so too” you respond without giving much attention to her words.

The familiar sight of your bedroom door eventually comes into sight, a few more steps, and the two are finally standing before it.

Upon reaching the desired destination, you give one last look to your surroundings to check you were still saved from Naoaki’s glare.

When that proves to be your predicament, you excitedly proceed to walk up to the entrance, stretch your arm upwards as your fingers hover over the handle and begin to slide it open.

However, before you’re able to set one of your feet inside your chambers, Mariya abruptly stretches her right arm before you, acting as a stop sign of sorts to prompt you into ceasing all movement, leaving you frozen at the spot.

Her action invites you to look up to her, confused , a reaction that she obliges to address.

"I have to check if there’s spiders"

"Oh” you mouth.

Lies are sometimes hard to keep up with, particularly if they're built upon other lies—but you can always count with your quick thinking to get you out of this predicament, just like you’ve done so before, although at the cost of another lie that might come back to torment you in the future.

Anything for the cause.

“Do you believe it’s still there? It’s probably gone by now, specially after I threw a sock at it and it was so close to the window”

"Wouldn’t hurt to check" Mariya counters, holding back the urge to raise her eyebrow at your…silly response. “Just to be sure, so you can rest peacefully as well”

“...Let me check first” You counter “And if I see her, I promise not to scream if there’s one and quickly come back to let you know”

After a few seconds of deliberation, Mariya agrees to compromise and she retracts her arm back to her figure, allowing you passage.

You, as initially intended, proceed to walk into the door. But as soon as your body is completely inside, you sharply turn around and slam the door in Mariya's face.

"Lady Y/N!" She cries at the seeming offense "What was the meaning of that?! Is everything alright??"

"Yes! I just—My stomach began to hurt out of nowhere” you whine, folding your arms over your stomach as to make your acting more believable “I…I want to rest”

Mariya begins to tense as she moves closer to the door to get a better listen of your now distant voice.

"Do you…want me to bring tea?" Even with her irritation, Mariya is unable to dismiss her duties and proceeds to ask you a question out of routine.

"Uh…later! when I'm done sleeping, maybe? If you bring it now it'll only get cold and I feel a bit…nauseated right now, so there’s no point in making something I won’t consume" you rush towards the closet and begin to search through the various drawers at your disposal for anything that might be of use in keeping the shoji locked.

Partly a futile search, since the whole room was made out of thin paper. If anyone wanted to break in, they could do so without much struggle—something fast and/or sharp could do the trick.

But as many would say, it is better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it, right?

"I'm going to sleep now!” you yell as you settle in using the chair —which was a courtesy of Junko’s decorating vision— as weight to hold down the front door.

Although you knew it would make virtually no difference to your defense, that didn’t mean you couldn’t give it a try. Worst case scenario, it could still be used as a distraction to stall the intruder until, well, you escaped through the window?

Once set, you heard towards the door to deal with Mariya, who judging by the shadow reflected against the paper wall, was still awaiting your dismissal.

“I’m going to sleep now!” you decree “Good night, Mariya!”

“Good night, Lady Y/N” She says in return, but does not leave just yet, deciding to stay a few more seconds in hopes of catching a last minute order you might’ve forgotten to tell her, or perhaps a change of mind regarding the tea offer, just as she usually does—nevertheless, she notices that the amount of shuffles and grunts coming from your side are unusual for a person who disclosed to be getting ready to sleep, which further prompt her to stay a bit longer.

It doesn’t take much longer than 5 seconds before she finally hears you quiet down, with the exception of a deep sigh coming from your lips here and there, but other than that, you finally seem to act as a person that was intending to lay down, and eventually, be placed under the spell of slumber.

Concluding that you’ve given her all the indications you’ve required for the moment and that her presence is no longer required, she finally leaves you to your devices and begins to head towards her first duty, which is to inform Junko of your change in health.

The thought of having to deal with the mother of the twins—who Mariya had no doubt was more than ready to continue working with you— is enough to fill her with exasperation, because the first thing she’ll probably do is complain about this development.

However, this was something out of both of her and your staff’s hands, so the best route of action was to simply ignore her reaction.

At the end of the day, Junko knew very well she had to allow you to rest, if not, you’d only be tossed around as some kind of ragdoll whilst suffering an insufferable amount of pain most women are all to familiar with, alongside worrying if you didn’t stain your clothes, and the insufferable attitude of your in-laws.

Truly a nightmare she wouldn’t wish on anyone, and as she continued to travel across the estate in search of the mother of two, she began to think on who to delegate the vital task of checking in on you after some time has passed.

Unexpectedly, Mariya manages to catch a glimpse of Naoaki.

He seems to be walking alongside another member of the staff as they exchange words, apparently about one of the duties he’s been tasked to overlook today.

Mariya knows his presence to be unusual, since he’s always…fond of other activities that entail him being away from the estate.

It was almost silly for her to think that way, since this was still technically his house, and it would seem inappropriate for her to say what is special about his appearance or not. He could come and go freely as much as he wanted, and she held no power over that fact.

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder if Naoya has ever told you about his family, aside from their expectations for you, and his countless brothers.

It was no secret that they didn’t get along for various undisclosed reasons, so she doesn’t really believe he was fond of talking about them. But that didn’t mean you would never encounter them, especially since you were both living under the same roof.

Naoaki could be the omen for a possible meeting, since he was once considered to be the absent one —before Naoya took that title from him soon after he graduated jujutsu high— and was presently roaming around the house.

«Maybe it’s best if Y/N doesn’t meet either of them» Mariya eventually concludes after realizing that was just wishful thinking.

Because after all the things you’ve gone through, she imagines the last thing you want is to get to become acquainted with more relatives of Naoya—out of your own volition, of course.

She too, wasn’t fond of entertaining members of the house any more than necessary, and after experiencing first hand their treatment for you, this feeling only became more prominent.

The only people she cared about were her staff, and you . Anyone else…she’d deal with them when the time was right.

She imagines you also feel that kind of affection, although more inclined the twins Mai and Maki, and your staff Haruko and Hitomi. A fact that fills her with anguish, but knows it to be pointless to ponder about it.

«All I hope is that Naoaki doesn’t bump into her now that he’s here—who knows how she’ll react to him?»

Unable to recognize the correlation between your behavior and his presence, Mariya proceeds to label him as of low-threat, and continues forward with her journey.

When you had told Mariya that you were to take a nap to alleviate the discomfort of your cramps, that too, had proved to be another lie.

A lie that continued on for the rest of the day, because there was not a single moment your mind didn’t go back to your last sighting of Naoaki, an occurrence that happened hours ago, but to you, felt like mere seconds.

Not even your ladies, who were dutifully preoccupied by your health and did everything in their possibilities to distract you by offering you all kinds of foods, as well as entertainment, were able to soothe you out of this predicament.

And how could they?

Because from the very moment you decided to run away from him, you’ve been silently suffering with the remorse of your actions and the realization that perhaps, that was the worst decision you could've made at the moment.

Would it have been better if you remained there, played dead long enough until he considered himself sated of your reaction, and moved on once gone?

Maybe.

It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve felt that walking away from a situation was more to your detriment than your benefit—just one quick look at the meeting you had with Naobito and your husband (and the restrictions that ensued soon after) was more than enough evidence to back up this statement.

However, you couldn’t stop yourself from running away.

After all, breaking longlife habits was an impossible feat to complete one day to the other, and since it had always been your preference to flee instead of fighting, well, what more could you say?

There was no doubt that it would only be a matter of hours before Naoaki decided to pursue you once more, and this time, not as merciful.

This thought kept you wide awake and restless throughout the whole night as your mind went through the various scenarios of what was to come.

Would he barge into your bedroom while you were asleep, to catch you off guard?

Or would he prefer to wait until the morning comes, to when you would step out of your room to ambush you right then and there?

They were horrible speculations, however you looked at them. And neither helped to alleviate the anxiety that was settling on the pit of your stomach.

It was kind of funny how you never once entertained the idea that perhaps the reason why Naoaki had remained distant from you since the last encounter was because…he never intended to hurt you.

No, because apparently the only reason he kept away was to keep you tense, nervous, continuously on high alert to tire you out, and when you’re finally off your feet…he’ll attack.

«That has to be it» you say as you realize the next day finally arrived by the rays of sunlight coming through the window behind you «But if that’s his plan…how can I outsmart him?»

You initially worked your way up with lies that would force you to stay in your bedroom, thinking this the best way to avoid any confrontation with the mysterious carbon-copy of Naoya, but if your training as a sorcerer was to be of any use, you quickly came to the realization that staying in a place for too long would only make your vulnerability (and predictability) higher.

So when Haruko eventually offered to take you out for a walk through the various gardens of the estate, upon realizing your period was yet to arrive, you were all too eager to accept her suggestion.

You’d become unpredictable, and he’ll have a tough time figuring out your next more.

And thus, after they dressed you up and you’ve eaten breakfast, they proceeded to take you to the first garden—the camellia garden.

It’s a place you’ve frequently visited on previous occasions, due to Junko’s personal fondness.

You even remember holding a conversation with her regarding her preference and asking if this was, by any stretch of the imagination, her favorite flower, to which she affirmed to be.

This presented you with a new side of Junko you never thought she was capable of having, but when you thought about it…well, why wouldn’t she? Even with her cold demeanor towards you and her surroundings, she was still human , and everyone held a special fondness for one thing or another—and flowers seemed to be hers.

However, that recollection of Junko held no space in your mind at the moment, nor the conversation your ladies were having about your period, which eventually shifted to the supposed spider in your room, and ending in Hitomi’s exponential distaste for them (she turned out to be the acute arachnophobe Mariya was thinking about, who would’ve guessed?)

All that you could think about was analyzing your surroundings to make sure you weren’t being followed, as well as discarding any possible hiding spots that could already be in use.

Thankfully, after a few seconds of recon, you’ve managed to obtain clearance of his absence, which allowed you to temporarily lower your guard, at least until you moved to the next area.

The next garden, your personal favorite at the estate, was the lily garden.

In the few instances that Junko felt like indulging you, she would allow you to suggest a location to drink tea or continue working on your stitches. And your go-to decision was always this garden, because they reminded you of your mother.

You softly smile at the memory, but you stopped yourself from basking in the nostalgia far longer than necessary in favor of continuing your mission.

Just like you’ve done so before, you proceeded to look at your surroundings for any indications of an additional companion—coming back empty handed, much to your contentment.

Your ladies kept talking about whatever topic they decided to move onto, as your gaze remained fixated to the garden before you.

It had been so long since you managed to simply…stare, not do anything or have to worry about duties you have to complete, and completely take in the tranquility nature always brought upon their admirers.

You have to admit that the Zen’in gardeners knew very well how to maintain the flora around the estate, as well as having a good eye for decorating the garden—although they were not as impressive as the ones back home.

In such a relaxing moment, with the combination of your temporary security, you’re unable to stop yourself from closing your eyes, if just for a moment, to maybe…rest your…eyes…

“Lady Y/N”

You grunt.

Why did your staff decide to refer to you right now when you’re finally comfortable?

“Quiet, she’s fallen asleep” You hear…Hitomi? whisper.

“Yes, we have to move her to the room” Then this must be Haruko responding. “I don’t think this is comfortable for her”

«Can’t they have this conversation somewhere else?» you muse, seemingly moving away from their voices as you attempt to continue sleeping.

“You’re right. But…I don’t want to wake her up”

“But if we don’t move her, her neck will start hurting”

“Alright—allow me”

You feel someone lightly nudging you, and the force exerted against your arm is enough to irritate you, but not sufficient to have you waking up. You simply grunt, and proceed to lean forward onto the arm you’ve designated as a pillow, much to their disappointment.

They allow you to rest for a few more seconds, hoping that their efforts would eventually incite you to wake up on your own and wonder why you were being moved in the first place, but upon seeing you hadn’t moved…Haruko decides to take it to the next level.

“WAKE UP LADY Y/N!” her yell forces a flinch out of you while your eyes snap wide open, effectively shocked into consciousness.

“Holy shi—” Hitomi gasps “What is wrong with you Haruko?!”

“Rise and shine Lady Y/N!” the seamstress grins, although not from feeling overjoyed with her actions. Her reaction comes out of shame and realizing that perhaps she…exaggerated with the way she attempted to wake you up. Hitomi thinks so.

Well, there’s no reason to ponder on what’s already done. Haruko thinks she might as well commit to it.

“Uh—w-what?” you yawn pushing yourself up from the wooden floor you’ve unknowingly laid on after closing your eyes. You proceed to blink rapidly, attempting to regain sight of your surroundings. “What—what was that about?” you inquire while gently rubbing your eyes, still bewildered by Haruko’s out of the blue reaction as you look up to the woman once your sight is back.

“You were sleeping in the engawa, and that’s not right” Hitomi responds as she too stands up from the floor, patting out the creases and dirt of her dress with the palms of her hands. “So we decided to wake you up and move you to your room”

“How long was I asleep?” you ask as you wondered how you even allowed your body to do this while undergoing an important investigation . «Was I really that tired?»

“Probably like an hour—no, 30 minutes” Haruko pouts “We left you rest because…well, you looked like you needed it, Lady Y/N”

“An hour?!” You cried.

“Did you not sleep well last night?” Hitomi ponders, completely ignoring your shocked reaction.

“I…I guess not” you yawn, not wanting to tell them that you evidently didn’t sleep, not even for a second last night.

You didn’t think that one sleepless night would affect you so much, believing that you would be able to hold on at least until the next night came along.

«I mean, Hinata often goes sleepless for days when out on missions, why wouldn’t I be able to do so?» you think as you allow another yawn to escape your lips.

“Did I really sleep for that long?”

“It happens, even to the best of us.” Haruko reassures you. “Nothing to be ashamed of”

“Doesn’t mean we’ll allow Lady Y/N to go on without resting. We’ll take you to your room”

“Ah—well, I mean, I don’t feel that bad now” you say, frantically attempting to avoid going back to your room, at least until you feel it is safe enough to do so.

After all, Naoaki is still out there, and who knows if allowing this will finally push you right into his grasp?

“Nonsense. You fell asleep out of nowhere. We’ll guide you back to the room” Hitomi frowns, destroying any willingness to compromise “Follow me”

«Fine» Deciding it was best to go along, you begin trailing behind her.

You’d allow her to briefly steer you away from your investigation if it meant you’d have them off your case for the rest of the day. Because as much as you enjoyed their company, they were weighing you down at this very moment.

Besides, you could always leave your room as soon as they’re away, making you able to continue your mission without further distractions.

Now that you think about it, this turned out to have a much better outcome than you expected! If they were away, that meant you would be able to move around freely without worrying about them getting suspicious.

And Mariya? Well, she was away getting everything ready for your future menstrual crisis, she was already taken care of.

All that you have to do now is be patient and perhaps think if there’s any more advantage you can make out of this situation…

“Wait” you halt as you follow through with the last statement.

“Yes?” Hitomi stops, turning around to see you.

“It’s not necessary for you to take me back to my room. We’re not that far, I can make the trip there on my own” you explain causing the two ladies in writing to be…slightly confused by your words.

“I…guess?” Hitomi is the first to speak, raising an eyebrow “But please, allow us to accompany you Lady Y/N. It’s your duty to stay by your side anyways”

“No—it’s fine, really” you persist, skipping ahead so as to face them “Besides, I think Mariya might need some help getting everything ready for when my period arrives. Not to manifest this into happening, but I feel like my bleeding will be heavier this time, so I need to, you know, have more than enough garments to prevent any incidents”

Hitomi’s eyes sparkle at the notion of preparing clothes, just like you knew she would.

“And I have so many cravings” You say, this time facing Haruko, who also began to feel excited at the mention of working on what she enjoys the most, which was sweets. “I shouldn’t have left the room to begin with, now that I think about it. More so if I didn’t sleep well”

“It might’ve been for the best.” Hitomi agrees with an answer that only meant she fell into your trap. “…fine. We won’t accompany you, but go directly to your room. No distractions, ok?”

“None from me” you nod, eyes fixed intently on her gaze as to reassure her you meant no misdemeanor. “I promise”

“Alright” The seamstress crosses her arms before looking at her sister “We’ll leave then”

“We’ll still be close if you need anything” Haruko reminds you with a grin before placing her hand over her sister's back, intending to guide her onto their next destination, which is with Mariya. “See you soon! Sleep well!

“Thank you, goodbye” you wave back, continuing to do so until they’re out of sight.

And once they’re gone, you sharply turn the opposite direction and head towards a direction in which the living quarters were not.

Although you’d be lying if the thought of going back to your bedroom and getting some sleep wasn’t tempting, because once you experienced the toll a sleepless night could have on a stressed body, going out on a mission under this state could bring harmful results against your objective.

And with the fact that you hadn’t managed to gather enough evidence against Naoaki, proving that he was indeed, to do something against you, it felt almost humiliating that you’d agreed to sacrifice your rest.

Instead of frantically staying up at night, waiting for him to attack, you could’ve easily used those hours to regain your energy so when the next day came, you would be at the top of your game and completely aware of your surroundings—the thought that you might have missed some details begins to creep on the back of your neck, and you can’t help but reprimand yourself for allowing your desperation to override your logic.

“I haven’t even seen him all morning” you whisper to yourself as you suddenly stop before a door of one the many, countless rooms of the estate, to focus on comparing the benefits of your new circumstance. “And…I can’t believe I fell asleep in the middle of the floor! That was very risky on my part!”

Which you considered to be very…suspicious of him to not do so. But circling back to your lack of evidence, what else could you do?

Perhaps you had the upper hand for this moment, and what better than to make the most of it?

“That’s it” you say as you turn around, motivated to go back onto the path our ladies initially set you off to, and do as promised. “I’ll sleep a bit—I need the energy to avoid him anyways”

And thus, you begin to walk back through the same direction you came through, with the feeble sensation of exhaustion gaining power all across your body as you finally admit to being less than suitable to stay awake.

This forces your body to shift to automatic and in efforts to preserve whatever energy you have left and not overwhelm your senses, you glue your eyes down to the ground.

However, there’s always one thing they warn you about when deciding to keep your gaze low—and that is the possibility of crashing onto someone or something, potentially ending in an injury or an argument, two things you failed to consider when walking through the halls.

You didn’t even bother to look up when it was time for you to turn around a corner, leading you to unluckily partake in a collision, landing head-first onto the chest of an unsuspecting passerby.

The hit, although relatively painless, was enough to pull you back to reality.

“I’m sorry!” you cry as you blink your gaze back to clarity, regret filling your senses as you realize that this collision was 100% your fault, and it was your responsibility to let the other know you never intended this to happen, and you were deeply regretful.

“That’s one way to meet again” the words coming from an oddly familiar voice manage to keep you on edge, for they did not present you the response you expected from a person that had been abruptly stopped, and hurt. Or so that’s what happened in most situations.

However, this wasn’t to be like any other case.

And if the deep, recognizable voice of the person before you was to serve as a symbol, it would be that of an omen, a reminder that if things could go bad in the Zen’in estate, then they would .

Without a second to waste, your head abruptly snaps upwards onto the façade of the one who acted out of script.

The color of your face seems to drain upon realizing who it was.

“Y-y-you…” is all that you manage to whimper through the now present lump in your throat, one that you failed to pinpoint when it began to form, but knew it would stay for hours to come.

It was none other than Naoaki himself.

Your eyes can't seem to peel away from his emotionless, no, confused façade, as he continues to stare down at you.

His silence is impossible to interpret as anything else but the discreet planning of your dismay for offending him again , and this thought has you further trembling on the spot.

"Are you ok?" Is what you hear him say upon noticing you go pale, but his words don’t register in your mind as you continue to stand petrified, dumbfounded by this unexpected and unprepared encounter. "I…didn't think we bumped into each other that badly, but if you need aid I can—" he takes a step forward, causing you to widen your eyes even further.

"No!" You cry upon noticing his arm reaching out to touch you, which thanks to your previous encounters, your mind could only process as his attempt of manhandling you–if not striking you. "Get away from me!"

"Oh! I didn’t mean to startle you." he says as he swiftly retracts his hand “I'm not going to hurt you, I just wanted to—“ but then, he goes silent.

His eyes are fixed in you as he analyzes your reaction, your expression, and the way your body trembles before his. Yet, he doesn’t say anything else, nor does he come up with a comment to break this awkward aura.

Naoaki continues to stare at you for a few more seconds, which feels like excruciating hours to you as you attempt to compose yourself, seemingly offended by your false speculation as he begins to frown.

You expect him to lash at you any second now, and you see him move his lips to say something, until… a dark realization hits him.

Not the kind that has him suddenly acknowledging the power he could use against you now that he had you as this mercy, or one that has him going through the many possibilities of punishment he could enact on you.

It's the kind of realization that has him twitching with disgust, and altering you with disbelief.

One you never thought to hear from a man of the Zen’in clan.

"Does my brother… hit you?" He murmurs, soft and careful, almost as if it was a transgression on its own to speak about it, and thus, intending to keep it between him and you.

He doesn't seem to realize the weight his words have against you as you continue to remain petrified in the same spot, shocked to have heard another unexpected answer from a man you thought had nothing but your demise on his mind.

And yet, this man you feared so much, was the first one to address your abuse out loud.

"W-what?" You believe your ears to be deceiving you. To finally have gone crazy. Because not only did he muster up those words that would have any person shocked or offended, his face also portrayed that of an angered man, basking in the disappointment of the terrible actions of another and concerned for the ramifications these might have on you.

This couldn’t possibly be true…

But here he was. Noticing at first glance, what others were seemingly blind to.

"Did Naoya–" he reiterates by taking another step forward, perhaps to further close the distance between the two and have his words heard clearer and solely to you, but without knowing the true intentions behind his motion, and the shock that came along from his questions, you're unable to think of anything else but danger , I need to get out of here , and who are you?

Something that you’d do on that occasion, and every subsequent encounter with him.

Because even after you’d fled from him soon after he muttered half of his question, that wasn’t enough to permanently push him away, and he would continue to attempt to approach you in attempts of redeeming his misunderstanding and to start anew.

But just like you’ve done in the past, you don’t even give him the chance to finish his greeting before you’re already running away in the opposite direction.

A sight who has become all too familiar by now.

“How are—”

He’d say one day, but you would swiftly evade him.

“Today is—”

He’d try again, but you were already gone.

“Are you—”

Naoaki began to question if you were even there to begin with?

Perhaps the most reaction he got out of you was a hum, no, a shriek when attempted to greet you good morning, but other than that, you’d remain uninterested in him. You didn't even bother looking him in the face as you’d done that day, too frightened to do so, when passing him by.

And you didn't want to.

Because not only did this encounter manage to make you fear him more, it also ignited a form of curiosity for him.

His pronouncement, much to your dismay, had continued to haunt you days after it was first spoken, and all because he managed to shatter part of the presumption you’d made for him, and show you a completely new side.

With just 5 words, 5 simple words.

That’s all he needed to make you doubt the bases of your reality.

After that day, you’ve begun to assertively consider the possibility that he never intended to hurt you, because if he wanted to do so, he would’ve done so already,

But now, you’re left with another unsolved question, and that is… why?

Why did he reserve himself from doing the same as his other relatives? What reason did he have to not treat you the same way they did?

You were just another errant woman who didn’t seem to know her place. And yet…Naoaki was adamant in not perpetrating that thought any further.

With this in mind, you also began to feel that you were taking advantage of this situation, and in a bad way.

For you felt you were essentially postponing the inevitable. But was that thing even to occur in the first place?

He even continued to approach you, even after so many times of trying to get a word which would only prompt you to turn around and abandon him, to the point that said actions began were now part of your daily routine.

Naoaki was a mysterious figure, and now, you’ve grown completely invested in attempting to uncover his secrets.

Thus, you’ve decided that the best way to get a different reaction from him (before jumping right into the major leagues) was to glance back at him whilst running away.

It’s safe to say that, of all reactions, the one you were the most eager to see was the one he would put when you rejected him. Because you believed that this was his true feelings showing.

If you were to see him face to face, he could put on any mask and play all ranges of emotions, effectively covering his true nature.

But with your back at him, he could show anything with the pretense you weren’t looking, and maybe what he was planning.

You wanted to see the face of the man who'd become your acquaintance of sorts, and see if he was truly innocent and different from his relatives, or just like the rest.

Thus, one day, just like any other, you managed to bump into Naoaki. And like any other day, he attempts to initiate a conversation by this time, commenting on the weather.

Per cue, you wait for him to muster the half of his question before you decide to turn around and run away. However, you weren’t to ignore him completely, and when you thought to have set enough distance from the two, is when you decide to turn around and face the music.

But whatever you expected to see (which was anger in its majority, for you thought that he was absolutely near his limit by the outrageous amount of times you’ve rejected him) was nowhere to be found.

Instead of encountering the face of a desperate man who felt he had been taken advantage of for far too long, and was more than ready to finally lash out against you, you find the vivid portrayal of…sadness.

A genuine sorrow so strong, the one that reflected the pain your actions had graced him with.

It’s at this moment that the logical side of your brain, the one in charge of making sense of your surroundings, of formulating your plan of evasion and recon, that makes you realize that the way you’ve been treating him, and as well as your desire to see his reaction of your actions, had been unjustifiable, and borderline demeaning .

Naoaki wasn’t doing this out of revenge, no.

No one who desired to hurt others would be visibly sad as he was.

He was doing this because he genuinely wanted to get close to you.

You desperately tried to sell the storyline that the reason behind your actions was that you’ve been hurt before and that you were only doing the necessary to avoid any similar situations from happening to you again.

And yes, you were hurt, there’s no denying that, and by his family no less!

But that’s the thing.

By his family , not him .

And with this analysis, in the eyes of many, you’d be painted as an unjust person who is acting out of resentment, if not fun .

Playing their own game, so to speak.

To put it in other words: how would you like it if someone held you responsible for the actions of your relatives? Actions you never once partaken in, actions you were perhaps even ignorant about, and without giving you a chance to defend yourself when finally confronted?

How would you like it if not only they treated you that way, but also got a kick out of your reaction?

«I would feel terrible» You conclude as you regain your step and carry on to the next area.

That seemed to be the last time you saw him for the day—but your mind would make sure that the thought of him never left you, not even when it became nighttime.

And just like any other night, you were restless. Mind overworked as it went through the events of today over and over again like a broken record.

However, you were no longer planning your next evasion plan. No, that necessity was no longer in need to be fulfilled (and didn’t need to be to begin with).

Instead, you spend your time exhausting yourself by personally reprimanding your actions alongside judging if you’ve actually been unfair to Naoaki.

A conversation between you and your inner voice, which would be discussing this verdict as you prepared yourself to go to bed, would soon ensue.

Haven’t you been hurt enough? Why are you pitying the man who is your husband’s brother?!

Didn’t you see his face? It’s obvious that my actions are hurting him.

Not even remotely similar to what you’ve been put through.

And? Don’t you think that if he wanted to hurt me, he would’ve done so already?

Naoya’s uncles have been very quiet as of recently. Does that mean you’ll go and become their best friends? And don’t get me started about Naoya.

Of course not. But they haven’t been as…insistent as Naoaki. And I don’t need to look beyond the way they refer to me to understand they don’t respect me, not even in the slightest.

Then let's say you give him the benefit of the doubt, and he hurts you. What then? Will you continue to allow them to hurt you?

I gave Mai and Maki the benefit of the doubt, and I was the one that hurt them.

They were children. They’re too young to have that malicious nature in them.

True, but still. It’s not right to treat someone the same way I’ve been treating him. What if I had done the same I did to him, to them?

…That would be awful.

Then why is it different for him?

Because you’ve seen what his relatives are capable of.

We don’t know if he’s just like them!

What would Hinata do then?

She’d do the same!

No, she wouldn’t! She’d ignore him completely. Maybe you should do that too.

But I’m not her!

You groan, frustrated that your brainstorming proved to be nothing but fruitless, besides getting a nerve stung.

And if you weren’t stressed enough, and the hole you were desperately trying to get out only seemed bigger and deeper, with no visible solution in sight.

If only you weren’t drowning in guilt, you probably would have reached a decision by now.

But you weren’t emotionless, you were still human, even with all the terrible things you’ve gone through.

Perhaps it was for the best that you kept emotions, because it permitted you to remind yourself you were still alive , worthy of saving, and different from those monsters you had the distaste of calling your roommates.

At the mention of saving, another thought crosses your mind. One you have buried deep inside you in effort to prevent the pain and guilt it always brought whenever you touched the subject.

Mai and Maki.

It had been so long since you last saw them, and before you were distracted by Naoya’s brother, it was all you could think about.

You were desperate to find a way to redeem yourself. To prove you never intended to hurt anyone, less innocent people, and that you’d do anything to prove that statement.

…

Was this your shot at redemption? The opportunity you were looking for to prove you were regretful of your actions and wished to mend your wrongs?

Undoubtedly so.

But even if this didn’t come with the promise of seeing the twins again, you knew what you had to do.

The right thing to do.

«It’s set then» you say as you lay back onto the futon, grasp the covers and swiftly pull them all the way up to cover your neck.

You shift your head once or twice in the pillow behind you, until you find a comfortable spot for you to relax into.

Your eyes begin to droop, as your eyelids become heavier and heavier by each passing second, vision becoming blurry as your gaze finally turns dark.

And yet, you’re still able to formulate one last thought as you’re entering the realms of Morpheus, one that sets you onto the next course of action.

«I won't run away anymore, Naoya’s brother. I’ve seen my wrongs, and I’ll do what is right. And I’ll do that, by approaching you»

The next morning, after a long time of deliberation with yourself, you wake up with a new purpose in mind: and that is, to find Naoaki.

Should be easy enough, right? You just have to be walking around, seemingly unaware of your surroundings as you travel from place to place. Because if you were to gather a sample of your past days, you’d come back with the conclusion that it didn’t take much to encounter him.

And even the small sprout of hesitation that began to grow in the back of your mind couldn’t stop you from going forward with this new plan.

You think anyone else would’ve initially trusted their guts and avoided any chances of walking to the wolves den. To say it out loud would only further prove how ridiculous it was to risk so much for a man you’ve begun to feel pity for.

However, the bittersweet memories of Mai and Maki’s kind nature would quickly set you back on track. Because you knew that they would be immensely disappointed to see you hurt someone that hasn’t done much before greet you.

This was the second chance you were looking for to redeem your terrible actions, and even if they never got to see the conclusion of it, you knew you had to do so out of moral responsibility.

After completing your morning routine, you went ahead and requested your staff to leave you alone for a few hours, for you only wanted to make the most of your cramp-free time before jumping back in at your wifely duties.

You’ve even managed to push Junko away for a few days from teaching you the ropes of the estate (although you assume the majority of her compliance pertained to her unwillingness to share much time with you after how you treated her daughters) although she’s told you before that you’ve almost got through all of them.

However, your staff were a bit more difficult to persuade, since they saw your menstrual suffering first hand- thus, any chances that could lead you to suffering more than necessary, they would not take. But they still wanted you to be able to enjoy that same peace you’ve been prevented from for various occasions now.

With this in mind, your ladies finally accept your request and left you alone without further questioning, simply limiting themselves to informing you of their whereabouts in case you needed anything—which was to be the laundry room, since according to perfectionist Mariya, they’ve left your dirty clothes unattended for far too long.

Once they disappeared from your sight after you dismissed them with a reassuring smile, you rushed full speed ahead into your new mission.

First, you’d have to go to a location you think has the highest probability of holding Naoaki. From past experiences, it had always been between your favorite lily garden, the living quarters, and the connection between the bedrooms and the training grounds, since you knew nothing about his habits that could influence you on getting a much more accurate list of sighting locations.

After you’ve pinpointed the places to visit, you’d continue with the second stage of the mission, which was to do recon.

The best way to recognize the amount of people of targets in any location, aside from seeing them, was through hearing .

You’ve learned through your many years of training in sorcery that all creatures had a noise profile that could help dictate where they were going, what they were doing, what their intentions were, and most importantly, how many of them were in the vicinity.

This statement proved to be no different when it came to humans, and you’d intended to make the most out of it by listening closely to each and every room nearby until you either caught on to Naoaki to further push your mission, or intercept a distraction and avoid it.

And once that was done, you’d proceed to watch him intently, but from afar. This was to serve as some kind of filter that would either make or break your new purpose.

From observing him, you’d finally be able to prove the kind of personality they have, far more accurately than any distortion-susceptible noise could do. After all, wasn’t it well known that actions spoke louder than words?

If from what you've been able to see, you come to the conclusion that he’s a terrible person, one to avoid at all costs for they only mean harm…then this mission would be abruptly terminated.

But if not, you’ll continue with the next, which was, to finally approach him.

You wouldn’t do it so bluntly, of course, it had to be natural and without giving him reason to suspect your sudden change. It would start with you carefully planting yourself in the same areas you know Naoya’s brother to be and forcing him to do the first move, as he’d always done, and finally respond to it.

This was to formulate the perfect moment to recognize your redemption, that being, an adequate answer for his countless, unanswered ones.

Now that you’ve set the rules of the game, you proceed to the first place you heartily believed to be a good starting point, the lily garden.

At arrival, the first thing you notice is the area to be relatively empty, quiet. Besides a few muted noises of conversations occurring behind closed doors and wandering steps from one side to the other.

Recounting the perfect tool to apply in this situation, you proceed to carefully overhead each and every room before you. Unfortunately, your search seems futile after you realize that the voices you heard were from some servants, as well as distant relatives of the Zen’in you hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting.

And not a single indication of Naoaki being present.

Concluding this area as clean , you move onto the next area, which is another side of the living quarters reserved specifically for the members of the training groups in the estate. But nothing comes out of it, yet again.

You then proceed to move further deep into the living quarters, starting to think that his absence this early in the morning was due to the fact that he wasn’t awake, yet. If that was the cause, then you’d only have to limit yourself to a certain area, narrowing your search locations into a more manageable number.

Once again, he was nowhere to be found, and you now become slightly desperate at the monotone results.

Yet, you managed to keep your cool after you’ve remembered a trump card under your sleeve, and that is, the central garden connecting all the wings of the estate.

Your limits of freedom became blurred in this area since it was connected to various places Naoya didn’t want you to be in—sometimes you were allowed, sometimes you were,, to the point you even wondered if it was even set on paper to begin with.

However, that was a problem you’d discuss another moment. For now, you’d have to focus on each and every passing face in this concurred location to catch a glimpse of your brother in law, or any leads for his current position.

But as time passes, the crowd seems to grow smaller and smaller —and with no apparent sign of Naoaki—disappointment begins to take root.

You eventually come out with no advancement out of this situation, except for the speculation that, after so many rejections, Naoaki finally decided to stay away from you.

«Just my luck» you sigh in defeat, deflating as you decide to move onto the next area.

You rightfully assumed that this crowd would represent the highest chances to encounter him, since traffic was pretty heavy and there were all kinds of characters passing by.

But if he wasn’t here, nor in the living quarters, or the gardens….where could he be? You couldn’t go to other areas because Naoya prohibited you to do so, and there were only so many places you could still look into before your investigation starts to run cold.

Had Naoaki concluded that you were no longer worth his attention… that would be the end of it.

«Don’t give up just yet, Y/N» you try hyping yourself up as you walk onto the next area, heading towards the south wing. «Until you’ve exhausted all your options»

It’s known that hard work and dedication is rewarded with an immense sense of accomplishment, a gratifying reward, and…more work.

At this moment, you personally believed to be leaning more towards the last point, because after you continue to walk towards the south wing in this immense estate, you can’t seem to hit the nail on the head and find your target, only continuing to get more and more stressed.

You even began to consider giving up for the day and postponing your investigation for tomorrow, feebly attempting to remove guilt from this decision under the pretense that Naoaki was simply busy.

Slowing down your pace to further consider this possibility, you manage to hear the flat voice of a woman engaged in conversation in some of the nearby rooms, promptly catching your interest.

“—should be ready soon enough.” she says. “Would you like me to send it to your chambers?”

Judging by her words, you assume her to be a servant.

“No. I’ll pick it up when it’s ready” the responding voice, deep, male, and somewhat familiar, ignites a small flame of anticipation and you quickly push yourself against a nearby wall to further eavesdrop their conversation without being noticed.

You stealthily move your head towards the edge of the wall and peek over it.

The sight just around the corner has your eyes widening and your breath hitching on your throat.

Why?

Because you finally found Naoaki.

But before you could indulge in the satisfaction this sighting brought, you were forced to stay in place and continue to hide as you realize that he wasn’t alone, and the woman who he was talking to (which you don’t seem to recall from anywhere) was his companion.

Judging by their emotionless expression and his fixed gaze on her —which she responded by having her eyes glued to the floor— you assumed that their interactions were of high importance to him.

A debate whether their conversation was of relevance soon ensued inside your psyche, as you considered this a potential opportunity to get a better, more accurate profile of Naoaki.

…Or a terrible mistake if you were to learn that their information was confidential, and if they somehow got the idea someone who wasn’t involved in this conversation managed to get a hearing of it…

You dread to think what would happen.

«This could give me a better understanding of who he is, and where to find him» you begin to weigh out the pros and cons of this situation «But it would be pointless if it’s an area I can’t approach…»

You were only a few seconds away from deciding to ignore their conversation, when the one wise words of your older sister, Hinata, came forward through your hesitation.

«In my years as an active sorcerer, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as too much information, Y/N. If anything, there never is enough data! Thus, I encourage you to take in all the information you can gather! Because it’s so much easier to shave off what you don’t need than to try and make up for what you’re missing. And the extra information can always work as a backup to your initial statement. Believe your older, wise, beautiful, and most importantly, always-right sister. I know what I’m talking about, and I would never give you foul advice!»

You rolled your eyes at silly, yet nostalgic, memories as you held back a chuckle.

Still, as childish as your sister seemed to behave at that moment, you couldn’t deny that her words held an overwhelming amount of truth behind them. And with her being one of the best sorcerers of her generation, you knew that her advice came from the culmination of her extensive, successful background and her desire to see you succeed.

«Alright then» you muse as you lay eyes on the pair once again, noticing them to be still focused on their conversation, distracted from their surroundings, and the perfect opportunity to close in the distance between them and you «Let’s see what they’re talking about»

Holding in your breath, you manage to peel yourself away from the wall without much effort, proceeding by tiptoeing onto the next area you thought appropriate to hide in —which was another entrance hall— all without making the wood beneath your creak under your weight—proof of your acquired stealth thanks to years and years of mischievous behavior and training.

Once in place, you peek over the edge to find them still deep in conversation.

Naoaki seems to lightly glance at your direction, perhaps having seen a shadow in the corner of his eye, but you’re able to hide before he notices you.

They continue to be distracted, and you continue to move closer in the same way as before, further lessening the distance between them and you—you’re now able to hear their conversation in a more loud and clear tone.

“And tomorrow?” The short haired maid adds.

“I’ll do it myself.” Naoaki responds. This conversation doesn’t seem to follow the trail of the last one, but you at least know now that Naoaki is intending to go to his chambers at one point of the day.

“Is there anything else you need?” She asks, indicating the approaching conclusion of their exchange, incited to know if they’ve moved even the slightest, you peek once again over the wooden edge of the wall.

“No. You’re dismissed” Naoaki shakes his head, and the woman wastes no second to bow, sharply turn in her heels in your direction, and start walking away—a motion that has you cowering in fear of being noticed, prompting you to pull yourself away from her sight.

Holding your breath, you push yourself further into the wall as you wait for the woman to approach you.

Her steps become louder and louder, eventually culminating on the sight of her back as she passes by you, not even glancing back as if to check if there was someone nearby, signaling she was completely unaware of you.

Her figure eventually becomes distant, smaller at the horizon. And after a few seconds, her footsteps vanish into thin air. She’s finally gone.

Her absence grants you the situation you were looking for. You could now solely focus on keeping tabs on Naoaki and his behavior without worrying about any onlookers or distractions.

Although, if you were to face a similar predicament, you think that it would be better to have them before you instead of around you. This way, you’d be able to also keep an eye on them and react accordingly to their movements.

But you couldn’t change what is already written, and with the intention of making the most out of this situation, you once again peel through the edge of the hall in hopes of observing Naoaki and predict what his next move was to be.

Or not?

Because when you went stepped forward to catch another glimpse of Naoaki, he wasn’t there,

“Ah, shit!” you silently curse you believe to have lost trail of him, again . And after so much effort!

You spend a few seconds on the same spot, figuring out if the time you spent hiding from the servant was enough for him to get to his next destination, and if so, through which path?

There were many entrances he could’ve taken that could seem even pointless to go through all of them. A process you didn’t have to take once you considered the time and distance it would take him to get to one of them.

Your quick thinking leads you to believe he took the closest exit to his location. A path you believe to take to the kitchen.

However, before you moved ahead, you wanted to be absolutely sure he wasn’t to return and catch you in a compromising situation.

Thus, you wait….and wait….and wait.

And after a few seconds on standby, you’re able to provide proof of the undeniable verdict of his absence, leading you to proceed with your quest.

You take a deep breath, trying to recount where he could possibly have gone to, and if it had anything to do with the conversation with the servant.

Because this wasn’t the right way if he wanted to go back to the chambers, although it could be a nice detour if he wanted to see the flo—

“I wasn’t expecting you to approach me, with all honesty”

You were expecting everything , all possibilities: Naoaki being in another room, retreating for the day, leaving the estate, being in an off-limits area, even getting something to eat!

Everything.

But not this .

“Can’t say I’m not glad that you did”

Unable to process that you’ve been caught off guard in the most unexpected way, you limit yourself to shriek as you jump forward, tensing up your shoulders, shivering on the spot whilst debating whether to leave —for you weren’t able to stick to your plan, due to the added variable of Naoaki approaching you before intended— or improvise and…stay.

“And…this is where you leave.” he mournfully adds with a sigh upon seeing your reaction. Having gone through this same scenario countless times, he knows it wouldn’t take long before you stick to the script and, well, run away from him.

His words, carried with the sadness of a man who has been disappointed far too many times in his life, manage to snap you out of your frightened trance and remind you of the why you were doing this in the first place: to make amends for the unjust actions you’ve placed upon an innocent man.

Ashamed of your reaction, you release a deep exhale as you slowly begin to turn around, intending to face him appropriately. This doesn’t help with the ceasing of the tension of your shoulders or the tightening on your fists—but you simply push through it.

You only stop turning when you're finally face-to-face with the mysterious man. Yet, your eyes remain glued to the floor, reluctant and intimidated to force them upwards for you’re still unnerved by the unknown things to come.

That is, until you’re once again approached by the reasoning that you were being rude by avoiding his gaze—if you were to do things right, you’d commit to it.

So, you push down your nerves by swallowing and pressing your lips together, and after a few seconds pass, finally gather enough courage to lift your head and see him.

You knew he was similar to your husband, but it wasn’t until this point where you decided to take a good look at him, that you saw how mystifying it was.

There was no further doubt that they were brothers; and just like you felt the first time you saw Naoya, your heart couldn’t help but flutter at the notion of how attractive he was as well.

Yet, as similar as they were, he still bore a few distinctive differences:

As stated in your first encounter with him, he opted to completely embrace his natural dark hair and leave it dyed-free, opposite to the blonde coloring your husband had.

Another other difference he held when compared to Naoya, was the look of his hair.

Although both were cut short, they styled their hair completely different. While your husband preferred to sweep his hair downwards, with his bangs being eyebrow length and covering parts of his forehead, Naoaki decided to part his on the right side, with bangs falling down the trajectory of said fashion, whilst carrying a slightly disheveled look which accentuated the aura of a carefree, effortless, and natural look.

An aspect that carried on to his posture as well.

Now, don’t get me wrong, he was still very dominant on his own—highlighted by the few inches he was taller than your husband— but his stance showed him to be a relaxed man, secure of himself. Different to your always tense and snappy husband, which you believe to be from his stressful career as a sorcerer and his unbearable attitude.

Naoaki’s attire was also akin to Naoya’s, traditional and pristine, the same one the latter would wear during stay-in days at the estate. That is, a black jacket with a pair of white hakama pants; the only discrepancy between the two was that Naoaki pursued to show how laid back he was by leaving the first button of his white t-shirt unfastened.

And finally, his face.

It seems their cat-like eyes were to be a distinctive symbol of the Zen’in brothers, for both were graced with this feature. Although Naoya had them far more prominent than Naoaki, the latter still had them, which only added to the allure of his undeniable attractiveness.

Other than that, the two seemed to be an absolute carbon copy of one another, but since Naoya was the youngest, Naoaki already bore a few markings of age—mainly from the dark imprints under his eyes. Which, in your opinion, only made him more mysterious looking.

Asides from that, his face was cleanly shaved (Which you’ve noticed to be a pattern for most of the males, outside of Jinichi and Naobito) and his skin seemed smooth to the touch. You held back the urge to stretch out your hand and caress his cheek.

He looked just like any other Zen’in member, confirmed by the countless similarities between him and his relatives.

However, there was one thing that differentiated him the most from them, and it wasn’t a physical characteristic.

It was his kindness . For what other reason could you muster up to define his adamancy in not hurting you?

This statement causes your curiosity to rise and take control of your thoughts, effectively throwing away the manuscript you’ve carefully prepared for when the time to confront him ever rose to the occasion, and leaving you to say a question Naoaki thought a bit…amusing.

“W-Who…who are you?” is what you muster as you continue to observe his dark, golden eyes, which only grew more striking as a ray of the moving sun fell into his face.

The man couldn’t help himself from laughing at your seemingly innocent question, which only caused your cheeks to turn hot at the embarrassment.

But his laugh came from a place of innocence, never intending to show off as making fun of you, for the thought that after the many times you’ve unwillingly bumped into him, you would at least know his name.

“And here I thought I’ve already introduced myself” he says, giving you a last chuckle as you continue to stare at him dumbfounded. “I can see why you were scared of me”

You didn’t want to respond, for you didn’t know how to without explaining your true motivation behind your distance without making him feel guilty.

“No…that…wasn’t it” you murmur, settling to tell him the half-truth.

“I know” he responds, and that makes you further confused, which doesn’t take him longer than a second to note. “What I did—no, when I did it wasn’t the most appropriate. I shouldn’t be surprised by the fact you didn’t want to be involved with me”

“What do you mean?” you ask, hesitant.

“And I only made it worse by additionally asking you something out of place” he reminisces on his questioning of his brother's behavior towards you, making him cringe in disapproval. “And for that, I’d like to apologize”

If you were once confused, that no longer mattered, for you were now shocked .

To hear this eloquent side of accountability coming from a complete stranger made you understand how you’ve gravely misjudged Naoaki, and the terrible consequences that began to take a toll on his emotional stability. Because ever after you were the one pushing him away, he still felt like it was all his fault.

Something clicks inside you that makes you realize he never once intended to inflict you harm.

That it was just a misunderstanding, one that could happen to anyone, but didn’t mean they deserved to be treated the way you have treated him.

A mistake that you intended to mend out of the righteousness of your heart as you decide to openly approach him.

“No, please” you shake your head “Don't apologize. I shouldn’t have overreacted the way I did”

“I can see why you did so, and I do not blame you”

“That’s not the point” you chuckle “Now that I think about it…what you did was out of concern, wasn’t it? I mean—you basically saw a random woman crying in the middle of the room, anyone would be suitably concerned”

“You’re right about that” Naoaki laughs, nervously scratching the back of his neck “But still, I shouldn’t have approached you the way I did at that time, and the subsequent ones”

“There’s no need to torment each other for it, it was a misunderstanding. I know that now” you explain, trying to ease his belittling thoughts. “And now that that’s been set…how about we start anew? Like we’ve never met before?”

“I’d like that” he returns your smile. “Allow me to start” he proceeds to bow, as per custom. “I’m Naoaki—although you might recognize me better as Naoya’s oldest brother”

“Oldest?” you ponder, wondering if the amount of siblings between Naoya and him was a vast one, or miniscule.

“I look the part, don’t I?” He sheepishly adds “I’ve been told I’m looking older by the second”

“No, of course not!” you respond, perhaps a bit too fast for your liking. “You…look just like him”

“I’ve been told—one could assume we’re related”

You laugh. You compose yourself after a few seconds, and continue with the introductions.

“I’m Y/N” you bow “Nice to meet you…Naoaki”

“Y/N” he repeats with a honey tone that makes you wonder if your name has ever been pronounced so…gently. “It’s a beautiful name, it suits you”

“Suits me?” you grin, attempting to further break the ice by opting to switch into a playful manner “Have you met many Y/N’s before?”

“No—not that it would be much difference anyways, since I’d only be able to think of you from now on”

“Is that so?” you egged on, the hotness of your cheeks slowly growing at the implication of his words. “Is there something you’re trying to imply with that?”

“No. Nothing that you need to know anyways” he shrugs.

“Hey! I won’t let you leave until you tell me what you mean by that!” you tease.

“And as much as I think it would be entertaining to see you try and stop me, I have to leave and tend to my duties” Naoaki adds with the faintest tones of repentance, for he was glad the two of you were starting anew. Something you too wished to continue in hopes of continuing basking in his friendly atmosphere.

Well, it had to be another time, you guess.

Unless…

“Would you like to accompany me?” Naoaki offers, and his words catch you off guard.

“Accompany you?” you stammer as your eyes go round, for when you were only seconds away from moping at his departure, you were presented with an opportunity to promise to pave the way to a greater friendship—something that completely aligned to your current wishes.

“I’m going to feed the horses at the stable”

And then, your excitement diminishes.

Not because you’re not fond of horses, if anything, you find them to be fascinating animals.

But because you’re unsure you’re allowed to attend such a place. Naoya hadn’t specified that you weren’t permitted (and neither did the guards), but where they lacked to inform you, Junko would step in.

She would always remind you that there were places and actions to avoid if one’s image of a rightful woman was to be maintained, leading you to the stereotypical places a woman has been forced to partake due to misogynistic standings.

If you were to follow this rule, that meant that the outdoors were way out of your reach, and a potential habitat for danger if you were to be caught slacking off by her, or anyone else for that matter.

It hurt you to think that even this, a simple task of feeding horses, was considered to be too outlandish for a woman with your title.

“Unless you have something else to do? Then we can leave it to another—” Naoaki starts upon noticing your silence to go far longer than usual, attributing your lack of response for your indecision at previous duties you personally had to attend to as well.

“No.” you shake your head, uncertainty clear in your voice. “That’s not it. It’s just that…I don’t know if I’m permitted to go there”

“Oh?” he frowns, something likened to irritation begins to show in his eyes. “And why is that?”

“Ah, you must….know…” you anxiously continue, unsure if this was the right path to go with Naoaki “Naoya doesn’t want me to be in certain areas of the estate, and Junko-san has been adamant in reminding me to not disobey him”

“Naoya?” he responds, bewildered “Did my brother really tell you that? And what would he gain from that? He’s not even in the house to begin with”

“I don’t know, but if that’s what my husband wants, then that’s what I have to do” You sigh “I’m sorry”

“Is this what you want?”

“It’s what Nao—”

“No” he sternly interrupts you “Is this what you want?”

You can’t seem to respond, for this is the first time you feel someone has ever forced you to defy your husband, even if it was only on thought.

Mariya and the rest have previously asked what you wanted to do, but only within what was considered suitable.

And Junko? Well, she’s like an immovable force. You don’t think she would ever attempt to consider what you wanted, or if she ever desired to do so.

For Naoaki to do what others have not…it was a nice change for a start.

“No” you eventually admit “I want to go. I didn’t even know you had horses”

“Then it’s set” he concludes “Follow me, I’ll guide you there”

“But Naoya—”

“Nonsense” he groans while rolling his eyes “Did he even explicitly tell you you couldn’t go there?”

“No”

“And did anyone else tell you that?”

“No”

“Then how do you know you can’t go?”

“Well, I’m assuming because…”

“Look, I’ll let you in on a secret about Naoya” Naoaki leans forward and down to your level, his action making you realize the dimension of your height difference between him and you in an almost comical way—but also in a way that has your heart fluttering with…?

“W-what…what is it?” you whisper as you realize his eyes to be on the same layer as yours, enabling you to further admire the details of his golden orbs, and the pretty streaks of brown within them.

“He’s too busy with missions to notice anything happening inside the estate. He likes to portray himself as all-seeing, but really, he couldn’t care less”

“What do you mean?”

“Naoya hates dealing with matters of the estate. He instead, leaves them to Ranta, that poor kid he’s always training with”

«Ranta…the one with long black hair tied up in a ponytail of sorts» You remember.

“Besides” Naoaki says as he pulls back into his full height once deeming his intentions complete. “No one is going to question why my sister-in-law is accompanying me to feed horses. It’s such a mundane activity to fuss about, but it’s still something I really hope you decide to do so, because I’d like to get to know you a bit better”

You remain speechless at his open admittance.

“But, if you don’t want to, I won’t pressure you. If you feel this might place you in a difficult spot, you’re in your right to deny my invitation”

You didn’t need more words than that to understand your position when it came to being on Naoaki's side.

He was right—no one would question why you’ve decided to accompany a member of the main branch to his duties, especially if it was because he requested you to do so.

No one batted an eye at Junko, whom you’ve thought to be outranked by Naoaki, so why would they suddenly care?

After a brief analysis of all the benefits he offered you, alongside the potential misfits you could obtain from this, you can’t hold back the way your lips began to part into a smile as your eyes began to sparkle in excitement as you came to a conclusion.

“Alright” you beam, jolting with eagerness as you step closer to Naoaki. “I’ll go with you”

#series: first it hurts—#naoya zen'in #jjk naoya #naoya zenin x you #naoya zen'in x reader #naoya zenin #jjk x you #jjk smut #jjk fic #jjk imagines

50 notes · View notes