#university of phoenix scam
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And so, every single member of the ask blog (Yes, including Polite Benrey) had a great time on the rest of their vacation, where Leading Light did not try to kill or scam or summon a G-Man on them.
They later went home, and did NOT go their separate ways like a lot of fantasy stories do.
And they stayed friends for many years to come.
Leading Light successfully became a celebrity washout. He got no consequences for stealing Lady Gaga's entire discography. Him and his band are recovering slowly, but surely. They're learning what true love is again. And are happy.
Dr. Hypnos stole many McDonald's toys. He was later banned. She is happy.
Overlord got the Big Mac he was waiting in line for. He is happy.
DOG went on to share a fruitful partnership with the Love Letters, and his McDonald's is now an empire. DOG is happy.
The Y2K gang still isn't allowed on airplanes aside from Spork and Gordon B, and Joshua is taking his first computer science class this fall. They are happy.
The Swap gang finally got to see Swap propose to Neo. Their wedding was on a cruise ship they stole from the Merch team. They are happy.
The Worldstop household experienced an incredible popularity boom in Malcom's streams, thanks to Darnold agreeing to help him with some more insane things. Malcom and Darnold are now the Jerma equivalent of their world. Player is going to university, and is excelling in all his theoretical physics degrees, and are happy.
The Mad Science Team succeeded in taking over the world, and they made healthcare free for everyone, and made the world a kinder place. Doc also gave every Spiders 2 a funny party hat. They are happy.
The Admins kept gallivanting through space and having fun. Freeman aims to collect every game on the Nintendo WiiU. He is still 100 away. All of them are happy.
Capital M went on to win a Nobel War Prize for destroying property. She has upgraded her ship to have a self-serve ice cream bar and a bowling alley. Vil still has a complicated relationship with friendship, but vil is working on it and being kind to themselves while still being a supervillain. Vil also got a life-sized Eggman statue installed. He is happy.
The Merch Science Team is embezzling millions from Disney cruises after trapping them in a fake lawsuit. They ride the open seas and laugh knowing crime isn't chargable on international waters. They are happy.
Phoenix Wright got his badge back after proving Kristoph Gavin was guilty. He is happy.
GVRV is still stuck in Brazil.
This has been HLVRV.
Signing off.
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Klaroline fanfic update: Perhaps One Day
Working on a new one-shot in my Klaroline series, Perhaps One Day. Here’s a quick look:
A Caroline Up Your Sleeve
The cyber worm was relentless, burrowing into the optic nerve and inserting the virus that would blind the eye permanently. Caroline held her breath as she watched the brutal process on the wall screen, trying to ignore the pitiful screeches of the gambler who’d bet more than he could afford to lose. Everyone knew you didn’t cross the Mikaelsons in their saloon. Especially after the Brotherhood of the Five tried to run that database cure scam. She’d seen biolinks severed before, but never by claws ripping them out through vocal chords.
The tables were packed with takers for all the usual games — bloodstream coding, digital skinning, bone splinter CPU, etc. — some even had appetite to try their hand at the antique card games from centuries ago.
A small group of Travelers from the Qetsiyah planetary system were grumbling over their bad luck, eyeing the server bot staff and making jokes that were surprisingly funny given their reputation for a rudimentary understanding of AI. In the far corner, a couple of Heretics from the Gemini Exoplanet chattered away excitedly when one of them put up a Phoenix Stone as collateral. Stifling a yawn, Caroline’s blue gaze swept the enormous gaming floor, listening in on conversations when they seemed interesting. It was nice to know her universal linguistics skillset hadn’t atrophied completely.
When Stefan tensed beside her for the fourth time, she nervously touched her lips. Dread filled her as she realized Stefan no longer could meet her gaze. He had lost.
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Fuck You, Tom Wopat
Let’s see, along with Tom, there’s roughly the 50 other people/businesses I located long lost monie$ for after stumbling onto the California Unclaimed Property website in late May. While looking for my relatives, friends and friends of friends, something clicked with my OCD (funny-not-funny). With my 58th birthday right around the Gemini corner and knowing in advance I wouldn’t be getting shit, I didn’t see the harm in sending out letters to what/whom I thought would be grateful (in the case of a Fresno farmer) to amused AKA Tom Wopat.
Always resourceful, always cautious, always below the poverty level--I purchased 2 sheets of 1st Class USA postage to mail afore(skin)mentioned letters and told myself I would STOP once out of stamps. That would have been my birthday PIZZA money, but what would I know about treating myself well after a lifetime of zero self-care nor parenting?
I’m lonely, I live alone. Have lived alone since my 2014 divorce & subsequent breast cancer diagnosis. Had an Oncologist whom basically PLAYED me and was proud of it, I guess one can be that way when grateful folks treat you like god. I didn’t--was that your ‘problem’ with me? I wasn’t indifferent, it was just that after my BROTHER hijacked MY Aurora Cancer Clinic Oncologist while keeping his Stage 4 Melanoma a secret, this clever ass so much smarter than the rest of us doctor thought nothing of having us not only scheduled for the same general time, there was an incident where my brother was in THE NEXT EXAM ROOM (and in replaying the event after our INFUSION ROOM DUST UP) I’m sure his lil ole Golden Boy rage issues surfaced.
WHO knuckles up in the infusion room of a fucking cancer clinic?! I found a new doctor after that, angry that he used to equate me with a PHOENIX (and I ate that shit up). Objective met by Any Means Necessary, well fucking played.
I stopped going to the replacement Oncologist @ the Vince Lombardi Cancer Clinic. Maybe he would have been acceptable had he had my case from the onset, but this pointy-oxford shoe University of Lahore grad did not click with me. Mainly I saw a nurse practitioner--COVID didn’t help, but I’m done. Have not refilled the Letrozole.
Back to the pizza money investment: I also thought it would be a good way to use some nice (Leaning Tree, others) cards. I started going through the California Unclaimed Property listings and would research deep into the sativa filled night. I didn’t go as far as to create a spreadsheet, but I did jot down the basics. Nearly 6 months later, I’ve not received a single thank you. My mind is blown by that. Are people just that wary of being scammed? What would it be about my HAND ADDRESSED and hokey wholesome return address in the left hand corner that could be such a turn-off?
Me, I would love to open a card or #10 envelope to learn I have money/property/etc listed on the California Unclaimed Property website. Maybe I got ahead of myself--sure it would be easy to look up celebrities, but most of them HAVE money. I have a soft spot for the people who feed me and let the farmers know this when I sent their notifications! CRICKETS.
Is it the Controller, Betty Yee or Betty Lee or Betty Bee who advises potential claimants via the website NOT to pay heed to hand-addressed envelopes from some down and out breastless woman in rural Wisconsin behind all this? I don’t want to go all BLACK HELICOPTERS and wonder if I’m on some kind of misguided WATCH LIST, but I sure the fuck would like to make that PIZZA MONEY back, Tom Wopat.
Would a Nigerian scam artiste be using Windows 97? Sending greeting cards purchased at Fleet Farm 15+ years ago? Be satisfied if they received even FIVE (5, V, cinco) percent of a person’s FOUND money-stock certificates-etc?
Was there some Cali PROPOSITION LET THIS DOUGH ROLL BACK INTO THE GENERAL FUND because there is definitely something going on here, no way can THIS many people from all walks of life be this fucking rude!!
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Westwood College lawsuit
Previous Westwood College understudies in their lawsuit against the school charged the college with deluding and cheating them. The College staff utilized high-pressure strategies and bogus data to lift the enlistment at the college. Westwood College lawsuit grumblings were predominantly about Westwood College tricks, for example, inaccurate work arrangement and pay paces of the previous understudies.
Numerous understudies in their lawsuit, whining about the underhanded strategies that the enlistment guides utilized against the understudies. As indicated by the report about lawsuit grumblings of understudies, college staff didn't comprise experts in the instruction circle.
More Info: https://studentloansresolved.com/2019/02/14/westwood-college-scams-lawsuit-complaints/
#Westwood College lawsuit#great lakes student loans#greatlakes student loans#everest edu student#great lakes student loan#itt student loan forgiveness#itt tech closed#Great Lakes Federal Loans#Navy Federal student loans#Navy federal debt forgiveness#ITT Tech Loan forgiveness#Globe University#loans without cosigner#university of phoenix scam#Itt Loan Forgiveness#Itt Tech Lawsuit#loan forgiveness itt tech
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University of Phoenix is a scam
#university of phoenix#advertising#marketing#targeting lower class#WMD#weapons of math destruction#weapons of math destruction: how big data increases inequality and threatens democracy#colleges#google ads#dot com#internet#scam#phoenix
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Hi, can you summarize the basic plot of Danger Days (album + comics)? I only know bits and pieces gathered from the internet. If not, that's a-okay ^^
sure! this is a mostly inactive blog, fair warning. i haven't posted in months.
so the basic plot of danger days gets pretty difficult to follow because there are several different timelines that don't match up with each other: the story the album tells, the twitter accounts, the music videos, and the comics.
the twitter accounts are just snippets with no bigger story, just basically a vibe of the universe danger days is set in. it paints a picture of a very violent Agent Cherri Cola, with one arm, and where the character NewsAGoGo and a few others got introduced.
the music videos follow the fabulous killjoys, supposedly teenage anarchists fighting against the company better living industries. in their fight, they find a little girl. they don't know why she's the most wanted person on BLI's radar, but she is, so they protect her, - that's na na na. in SING, better living industries captures the girl, and the fabulous killjoys go on a suicide mission to save her. they save her, at the expense of their own lives. the last scene is of party poison with their hair cut and dyed. there was supposed to be a third music video, bulletproof heart, to continue the story, but it never got recorded.
the album doesn't tell as much of a story, but you get the idea anyway. the song "party poison" gives a strong impression that poison is a very loud, passionate rebellion leader, definitely danger days. "jet star & the kobra kid" details a radio report by dr. death defying, stating that jet star and the kobra kid died on route guano, the main road out in the zones, aka the wasteland emanating out from battery city. (see, it doesn't make sense with the music videos.) it ends with "goodnite dr. death", which is the character dr. death defying giving what seems to be a final sign off, signifying he's probably been caught by BL/Ind, before playing a distorted national anthem.
the comics are set about a decade or so after the fabulous killjoys' death - it follows the Girl, now older, as she tries to find her identity. she goes to tommy chow mein's shop, a guy who is notorious for scams and rip-offs, but a zone rat nonetheless, and ends up finding party poison's original mask. however, it gets snatched, which is how she meets a crew called "the ultra v's." the ultra v's are a crew led by val velocity, including the twins vaya & vamos, vinyl, and volume. val velocity, who originally has white hair, is obsessed with party poison and his legacy, and ends up dying his hair red to "take his color". val is unpredictable at best and just as ruthless, and the girl is aware she doesn't fit in but tries to do so anyway. one of the ultra v's ends up dying, and a party at the nest - a popular killjoy hang-out spot - ends up raided by bli. the girl ends up dying, or so she thinks - she meets the phoenix witch, a zone deity worshipped by most in the zones. the phoenix witch is a crow-like woman who always wears a mask. the witch gives her some cryptic shit about why the fabulous killjoys wanted to protect her. at some point - don't trust me on the timeline, this is just an overview of what happened - she meets cherri cola, a killjoy who used to be friends with the fabulous killjoys before their death, and has now decided to be a pacifist. he's an excellent sharpshooter, and he teaches the girl how to use her ray-gun. he dies. val velocity chooses to incite the masses and get them to invade battery city, death to the company, so on and so forth. when they get there, what ends up happening is the girl becomes a living bomb - her mother's soul or whatever ended up in her when she died for Comic Reasons, so she's been living with this bomb inside her for years, which is what the witch was eluding to. when she detonates, she takes out all the electricity in the city.
there's also a whole side plot following two pornodroids, synthetic androids with sentient consciousness, red and blue. red is an outdated model who can only keep surviving on plus, a drug that effects an android's battery. blue is her lover, who keeps desperately trying to keep her alive. they end up trying to escape the city, but red never makes it past the city line. blue ends up dying too, if i recall, when she makes it out to DESTROYA - a supposed giant robot, a deity the androids all worship. destroya rises with the spark of electricity, and this also coincides with the girl going into bat city.
the comics get really complicated toward the end, and i'm leaving out the entire thing with the director and korse, but i haven't read them in a while - the best way to understand it is just to read them. there are only six or so issues, and you can find them online pretty easily.
there are definitely parts i'm forgetting or leaving out, because it's probably been six months since i've seen any of this stuff, but that's the basic overview. canon is a sandbox and it's your playground.
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lady
Pairing; Marko x Emerson!Reader
Summary; Moving to a different state with your younger brothers and mother just to live with your grandfather was hard enough, but falling in love with a vampire and then watching your brother do the same thing? Much different story.
Warnings; strong language
au:// Welp lovelies I had promised you a Marko series in February that I started writing while I was manic, then after writing a good five/six chapters I fell into a deep dark hole of depression and didn’t write anything but sad, worthless poetry about a boy I’m in love with who doesn’t love me back :) But now it’s May, a spark of inspiration and happiness has suddenly hit me and I’ve come back to this series to finally deliver it to you!! I hope y’all like it cause I literally stress cried over finishing it three different times :,)
I’d also like to point out that any kind of feedback at all is so so appreciated. Most of my inspiration comes from feeding off of people’s reactions to what I write. So if you enjoy it or have any recommendations or comments at all please please don’t be shy to send me an ask or DM or even comment to let me know :( Thank you and enjoy!!
Part 2
I wasn’t exactly mad about moving, there was nothing holding me in Phoenix that I would be particularly sad about leaving behind. The only thing that struck a nerve was that it was dumped out of nowhere on me. Suddenly Mom had divorced Dad, let him keep everything, and made plans with Grandpa for us to move into his place with him. A little prior warning would have been appreciated, but regardless when we were told it didn’t change the fact that everything we knew was changing. Sam wasn’t happy about it at all, leaving his friends, leaving Dad. Michael... well Michael didn’t really have an opinion. In my view, he was just indifferent. He didn’t really care where the hell we were as long as he had a motorcycle, a job, and some hot chicks to swoon over.
But here we were, packed into Mom’s truck and driving through a town that I’d most likely have memorized like the back of my hand in a good few days. As the three in the car argued over which station to keep on, I turned my head and leaned my forehead on the window of the car. I watched the beach as we drove along the road, and admired the waves hitting against the sand.
I was ready to drift off until we got to Grandpa’s house when a short, exited yell left Mom’s lips. “Oh!” She grinned happily as Sam landed on a station familiar to her. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Oh, that’s from my era! Grooving on a Sunday afternoon!” She sung along with the song as Sam threw his head back and groaned in protest. I laughed at her antics, enjoying seeing my Mom acting so carefree and happy.
“Alright, keep going, keep going.” Mom and Sam agreed with each other at the same time, Mom leaning over to continue skipping through the stations. Finally, the next station was agreed on and my pounding head thanked the universe for the quiet that I hadn’t been able to achieve the entire drive here. “Hey we’re almost there!”
“Ugh,” Sam scrunched his nose up in disgust after taking a deep breath. I leaned forward to wrap my arms around his head-rest and pull my face closer to the open window. The pungent smell hit me, and I recognized it immediately, low tide, but it wasn’t bad - anything to do with the beach was calming to me regardless. “What’s that smell?”
“Ah!” Mom breathed in deeply and turned to share a knowing grin with me, “That’s the ocean air!”
I turned to look at the welcoming sign, taking in the colors and faded lettering. “Smells like someone died.” Sam muttered as Mom tutted at him softly.
“That’s likely.” I muttered to Michael, nudging his head in the direction of the back of the sign, where in big red spray-painted letters sat the phrase “Murder Capitol of the World.”
“Aw guys, I know the last year hasn’t been easy. But I do think you’re really going to enjoy living in Santa Carla.” Mom tried to remain happy about the situation, but a shared glance with Michael after we both read over the sign revealed there wasn’t much he was excited for.
The rest of the drive only increased my excitement. Hippies galore filled the streets, a large amusement park covered most of the boardwalk, and the rest was filled with small shops and food stands. We stopped for awhile so Mom could give some teenagers rummaging through garbage some money to eat and so Michael could unhinge his bike and ask around for job openings, but before I could even think to step out of the car and get a look around we were already heading into the backroads to get to Grandpa’s house.
Grandpa’s house was farther into the plains than expected, but still only a good fifteen to twenty minute drive away from town. Before Mom could ever fully park the car, I had already jumped out and was looking around the property. Michael pulled his bike up next to Mom’s car, and they all took a good few seconds to look around at all the wood carvings and chimes before turning their vehicles off. I took note of the horses grazing in one of the back fields before walking around the front of the truck and seeing a man laying on his back across the front porch steps.
Sam lead the way towards him before Mom cut in front and marched up the steps to squat beside him. “Dad?” She questioned gently. “Dad?” The three of us leaned closer to get a better look.
“Looks like he’s dead.” Michael remarked.
“Like... really dead.” I quipped in, raising an eyebrow at Mom.
“No, no. He’s just a deep sleeper.” She brushed our comments off.
“If he’s dead can we go back to Phoenix?” Sam remarked, earning a snort from me and a sharp look from Mom.
Suddenly Grandpa sat up, a cocky smirk apparent on his face. “Playing dead. And from what I hear, doing a damn good job of it.”
Sam rolled his eyes in exasperation before Mom laughed faintly. “Oh, Dad!”
-
That night, Mom decided that it would be good for the four of us to leave the house after a night of unpacking and explore the boardwalk when it’s at its liveliest. I could admit it looked much more enjoyable now that it was dark and a little chilly, the sweaty people that had been occupying it earlier were now less sweaty and more stoned.
Almost as soon as Mom’s car and Michael’s bike were parked, Mom sent us off on our own so she could spend some time staking out a job in one of the family-owned shops. “Do you think she’ll be able to find one?” Sam questioned as the three of us weaved through crowds, trying to find our way to the beach concert. We could certainly hear it, we were just having a bit of trouble actually getting to it.
“One what? A job?” Michael scoffed as if it was hard to believe, still bitter over the fact there was no legal jobs for him to get hired in.
I laughed, elbowing him softly in the side, knowing that this place was exactly his vibe and in time he would most likely come to love living here. Sam was the only one I was actually worried about. “She’ll probably be able to find one. What, with all these missing people, there’s bound to be tons of job openings.”
“You’re telling me. It’s like there’s hundreds of bullet-boards around every corner with dozens of people missing. This place really is the Murder Capital.” Michael remarked as the concert finally came into our line of sight.
“Don’t say that!” Sam pleaded, shoving Michael’s shoulder with his eyebrows knitted tightly.
Michael just held his hand up in surrender and with one last shrug of his shoulders he turned to me. “You checking out the shops? We’ll find you once we get bored.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I agreed, turning sharply on my heel and blindly making my way back into the crowd. The concert was loud, sweaty, and crowded, and it wasn’t even my style of music - the last thing I wanted to do was spend my first night there. I figured it would be much more productive if I were to check out all the shops and stands running up and down the entire area, maybe find some new pieces of jewelry, or even a possible summer job opportunity.
Many places caught my eye, and I made a mental note to check them out the next time I had free money to spend, as it wouldn’t be wise for me to make an impulse-buy when I’m so close to being completely broke. Instead a small stand in the middle of the walkway drew me to it. A piercing stand. One person working on someone already sitting on the chair. There was a large wall selection of different studs, and many different kinds of disinfectants lined along the counter.
I walked closer to the wall, admiring all the different designs they had. I’d absolutely love to get a helix or orbital piercing, but I knew it wasn’t the wisest to spend money doing something like that at a small stand on a boardwalk in Santa Carla of all places. I was suddenly broken out of my thoughts when a voice spoke up directly behind me.
“It’s a scam, you know.” I jumped, hand flying to my chest, and whipping around to look at the owner. A teenage boy, my age, maybe a little older, with long curly blond hair and a grin that could have probably wooed me into his bed by the end of the night had he not literally just scared the shit out of me.
I laughed breathlessly, shaking my head. “What is?”
“The piercings. If you need one done, I could do it for you. But they use the guns instead of a needle which will definitely infect if you’re planning on doing a cartilage one.” He explained with a tilt of his head as he turned and began making his way towards the restaurants. I took that as an invite to follow, jogging to catch up and walking next to him.
“You know a lot about piercings?” I tried to make small talk, not wanting him to get away just yet.
He nodded with a confident smirk. “I did my own, and my friends. Someone had to learn.” I laughed a little at his mock-annoyed tone and shoved my hands into my pockets to appear to be doing something. He suddenly stopped and turned to me, holding out his hand. “Marko, by the way.”
“Ivory.” I accepted his hand and we both shook, hard and firm.
“You’re new.” He nodded as if finally understanding something that had been going on inside his own head. “I would’ve noticed you before if you’d been here all along.”
We dropped each other’s hand and I gave him a quizzical look. “What do you mean by that?”
He barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Nothing rude, you’re just too gorgeous to go unnoticed around here.” Before I could reply, another voice cut in from a few yards away.
“Marko! Marko, man, we’re supposed to meet David in ten!” I looked over to see another punk-looking dude calling out to Marko with his hands cupped around his mouth.
I laughed and look back towards the curly blond. “See you around?”
He nodded in confirmation, sending me one last crooked smile before turning to jog over to his other friend. I turned as well, making my way back into the crowd and away from the middle lane stands. I didn’t make it very far before the body of my youngest brother crashed into my side. I glanced down at him in bewilderment as we used each other to steady ourselves.
“Sam? Aren’t you supposed to be with Michael?” I laughed as he looked as though he’d just had the weirdest conversation of his life.
“Well, I was. Then he saw some girl at the concert and wandered after her so I went to check out the comic store.” He explained, shrugging before letting his eyes wander around once more in search of Michael. I rolled my eyes, of course Michael left Sam behind to go chase after some girl. It didn’t take long to find him, he was only a little further down the stretch of restaurants. He was more towards the end, walking out of the crowd near where the last building - a bar - sat in place.
We walked up behind him, and as soon as I was at his side I followed his eyes to a girl who was walking behind a small child, hand on his shoulder, and steering him in a certain direction. She was pretty - with big, curly hair and a beautiful smile that curled her lips up as her eyes grazed over all the lights of the carousel one last time for the night. I followed her line of sight, trying to place why Michael was following her instead of just walking up and introducing himself, but I immediately realized what the problem was.
She hoisted herself up onto the back of a motorcycle, accepting the help of the blond driver. He had a spiked mullet, dressed in all black, and when he realized Michael was staring at his girl, a cocky kind of smirk crossed his face. His friends parked next him all revved their engines to a start, and I tore my eyes from the platinum blond to see the others. I didn’t manage to catch a good look at two of them, because my eyes immediately looked onto those of the punk from earlier who’d started a conversation with me over pierced ears.
He was already looking at me, and when he realized my attention immediately locked onto him, a predatory look filled the black circles of his eyes and his lips formed into a boyish smirk directed exactly at me. He lifted his hand in a short wave, laughing along with the friend who called him away from me earlier as he shoved Marko’s shoulder in a teasing way. I lifted my hand in a small acknowledging wave back, but was knocked out of my small trance by Sam, who began teasing Michael.
“Come on, she stiffed ya!” Sam laughed harmlessly, gently punching Michael’s shoulder and turning to probably go and find Mom. I broke my gaze away from Marko immediately, turning to follow after Sam and not bothering to look back at all as I heard the bikes pull out and speed off down the road.
“Too bad she left with Mr. Mullet, she was pretty.” I tried to break the tension with Michael, I really didn’t want him to be upset over the lose of the girl, he still had all of Santa Carla’s teenage population of girls to meet.
He cracked a smile and nudged his shoulder into mine. “She really was.”
Once we made it home for the night, I separated from both my brothers and made my way into my own room. It was the smallest of all of ours, but that’s the main reason why I had chose it. It was cozy, and cute. I liked the way it came out once I had finished decorating it.
I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to those boys on the motorcycles from earlier that night. Marko seemed nice enough, even if I didn’t know whether or not I was brave enough to try to pursue a friendship with his more than intimidating friends. Just as I came to the conclusion that I should just get over myself and approach them, a sharp sting of anxiety wedged itself into my gut and nauseous filled my stomach and rose up in my throat. No. I didn’t need to become friends with those boys, there was something off, something I didn’t need to meddle in.
If I saw them again, I’d avoid eye contact and conversation completely. I was never able to understand my anxiety, but I always listened to it when it struck me.
#the lost boys#the lost boys 1987#the lost boys imagine#the lost boys headcanon#the lost boys poly#the lost boys david#the lost boys marko#the lost boys dwayne#the lost boys paul#paul x reader#dwayne x reader#marko x reader#david x reader#billy wirth#alex winter#kiefer sutherland#brooke mccarter#paul the lost boys#david the lost boys#marko the lost boys#dwayne the lost boys#star the lost boys#the lost boys star#the lost boys x reader#the lost boys masterlist
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AU(s) where all the mod videos Tommy does, along with some other videos, are all alternate universes, and their residents end up in the SMP. Chaos ensues.
Voice Mod AU:
Universe where nobody talks aloud. They telepathically communicate, and the closer you are, the clearer and louder you are, unless you have the control the lower your mental voice.
Why?
Post-apocalyptic world(because Tommy said welcome to the new world at the start, and I too that and ran with it). They’re the new versions of humans, created after life returned on the planett, and the telepathy is a survival method, because outward noise draws predators, inner noise does not.
This also means they possibly have some other features similar to that. Like maybe Quackity’s duck wings being from some newly evolved duck species in the new world, Wilbur being a bit abnormally tall, or similar. I’m not sure.
Oh hey, no, Wilbur can be like a tree hybrid or something, cause Treebur.
Basically, evolution and telepathy.
Wilbur has a horse named Bert, he is speedy, and spends just as much time dragging his owner out of trouble than he does riding him into it.
The gang is basically just traveling the lands, exploring what’s about.
There are fish-horses, ender-horses, spider-horses, silverfish ponies, and horses that are somewhat like a breed between llamas and sheep in the world.
There are a lot of new horse breeds.
The Quackity of this universe wears clothes a lot like Manhunt Dream’s, hoodie-wise, but it’s all bright blue, and his mask has the :] face on it.
Size Mod AU:
Universe where people can shift and change sizes, though only to certain ones.
For example, Wilbur’s stuck small. He can shift to the size of a small dog, height wise, or that of a flower, but he can’t get big. Quackity can go smaller than Wilbur, or literally bigger than the Enderdragon. Both Tommy can be normal sized, or big, and Phil’s can be about the size of a tree, or become the size of a small mountain.
They all live in a nice house in the plains and spend their time terrorizing the locals.
Wilbur has a little house within the house, and he uses his size to cause havoc more often than not. Quackity is equally guilty of this.
Sometimes when the kids are being particularly bad, Phil puts the smaller ones in a compost bin and holds Tommy off the ground until he starts behaving.
Quackity’s a follower of the Blood God. Not to Techno’s length, but he goes and kills rabbits for him, and dedicates the chaos his giant form causes to the guy. In return, the four always have a flourishing harvest, and Quackity’s absolutely mean in battle.
Wilbur sleeps in one of Tommy’s old shoes that he stole and made into a bed.
Honestly, Wilbur’s kind of like the house mouse. He steals stuff and vibes in his little home in the walls. The cats that occasionally slip in try to eat him a lot too.
Wilbur and Quackity are bird hybrids, Tommy’s a zombie hybrid(cause he’s fighting a zombie and saying ‘I burn’ at that little bit), and Phil’s an iron golem hybrid.
Quackity and WIlbur have little bird-houses set up around the area for them to dart into and hide if anything comes after them.
They all met when tiny Q and Wilbur tried to rob Tommy and Phil. They succeeded with Tommy, but Phil was less than impressed at the attempt. Somehow it resulted in them all sharing a house.
Dragon Mod AU:
Universe set in more medieval-themed world. Phil, Quackity, and Tommy are dragon hunters. Wilbur’s a mischievous dragon sorcerer who enjoys shapeshifting into a dragon to mess with people. The hunters were originally sent after him, but spent more time frantically running for their lives while he laughed at them.
Wilbur’s actually good friends with the actual Enderdragon, who he calls Keithette. It was with her blessing that he decided to pick on the hunters.
He just spends all of his time messing with them. That’s all he does. He messes with them. It’s originally more malicious, which means they had a ridiculous amount of deaths, but they eventually all grew fond of each other, so now it’s more playful.
He helps them find treasure and scares off rivals.
Tommy’s a trained medic.
Quackity and Wilbur are...something? It’s a Skephalo situation. They could just be very affectionate friends, or they could be dating, or they could be messing with everyone. Nobody knows, and everytime they think they’ve figured it out, the two seem to magically know and do something to throw them off.
They’ve confused many, many people with their antics.
(They’re probably messing with people though, because they definitely know what they’re doing)
When the actual Enderdragon and her egg mysteriously went missing, Wilbur rounded up his friends and asked for their help in finding her-so now the group is on a quest to find her and return her to the End.
Natural Disaster Mod AU:
Universe where world ending natural disasters just keep happening. It killed off a lot of people, but honestly, at this point, it’s been going on for years, and those that remain are pretty used to it.
Tubbo and Wilbur are followers of the Mule God, and were brought together by him. Jack and Tommy are two good friends who came together to survive. And Phil’s a top-tier survivalist who keeps an eye on the four, mostly because he’d feel bad if they died too often while they live in the area.
Though they’re all three different groups, they stick together and help each other out.
Tommy and Tubbo were childhood friends before the disasters separated them. A young Jack found Tommy and took him in, and Tubbo was saved and blessed by the Mule God. They’re still friends, but have somewhat grown apart with their differing lifestyles.
Tommy’s a penguin hybrid.
Tubbo and Wilbur have been known to try and scam people passing by, and they have tried this with everyone in the area too-the difference is the ones who stick around know better than to buy it.
Whenever Tommy wants to hang out, he declares he’s rescuing Tubbo, and steals him from whatever he’s doing. Wilbur has long since accepted that occasionally Tubbo is going to be stolen, and doesn’t even blink anymore.
Tommy wears green, and Tubbo wears red.
Storm riding is a favored sport of Tubbo’s, where you grab a hang glider and get swept up into the storm. Jack hates it, but often gets dragged along anyway.
Morph Mod AU:
Universe where shapeshifters are more common, and Tommy, Charlie, Phil, Schlatt, and Wilbur are all a clan of them.
They co-exist with humans, and actually protect the local villages they live close too.
They also spend a lot of time messing with people outside said villages, but that’s unimportant.
Charlie and Wilbur prefer to be aquatic creatures. while Phil transforms into whatever works better for the environment he’s in. Schlatt just does whatever, and Tommy usually sticks to human form, only shifting when he’s bored or he needs too.
Wilbur tried to transform into a horse once, while in fish form. He’s not sure what exactly happened, but long story short, he’s the reason for the myth of the hippocampus.
They have a house in the village, one out, and then general little areas meant for them in animal form.
Because shapeshifters are strongly group-oriented, they prefer to shift in pairs or groups. Charlie and Wilbur typically pair up, as do Schlatt and Tommy. Philza doesn’t really have that instinct as strongly, so he just stays close to them instead.
Laser Eye Mod AU:
Universe set in a futuristic setting, where, due to an ancient void deity becoming malicious, Tommy, Phil, Charlie, and Wilbur are selected to become plasma wielding cyber warriors(futuristic magical girls, basically) to fight back against such threats.
These four’s cybernetics were embued with magic to produce specific plasma that would be effective against threats.
Phil wields divine plasma, and it’s fired out from his cybernetic wings, which were implanted as a military experiment. He can even detach a feather to act as a plasma covered sword.
Tommy wields phoenix plasma, and it’s fired out of his cybernetic eyes, which were transplanted into him when he was in an accident young, rendering him blind. They allow him to see by scanning out the outlines of objects and areas, and feeding the image into his brain.
Wilbur wields soulfire plasma, which is fired from his prosthetic legs, which have a kind of mermaid-motif, with fins and all, and make him a fast swimmer.
And Charlie wields greekfire plasma, fired from his cybernetic arm-it can also fire slime-like globs that rapidly grow and incase the area they’re attached too.
Wilbur was actually the first selected for the program, but he went missing shortly after, stolen and controlled by the void deity, who turned him into quite the obstacle for the others.
They eventually rescued him from it’s control, and after he recovered, he joined the fight.
Endermen and endermen hybrids are common minions of the void deity-it seems to have End-based origins, being able to control them.
Lava Ravine Mod AU:
Universe where Phil, Charlie, Wilbur, and Tommy are all strangers, who get a mysterious invite to an unknown world. It seems like a lovely vacation at first, strangers aside, but things turn deadly when a seemingly normal ravine in the ground begins to grow, the lava inside it begins to rise, and our heroes find themselves unable to leave the world.
They soon realized they may have been selected for their ability to survive, but to do that, they’re going to have to all work together.
Tommyinnit originates from the world of RLcraft, Phil grew up in Hardcore Mode, Charlie is a fallen god from a world of chaos, and Wilbur has lived through a world like this before.
They build a giant glass and stone dome, and live within there, using their various skills to survive.
Wilbur pretty much knows how this world works to a T, and is able to predict when the lava will raise and how quickly. He knows how to survive and work around the heat.
Tommy and Phil have a variety of skills from their lives before, not limited to first aid and cooking.
And Charlie’s got a bit of godly power he can put to good use here, as well as many out-of-the-box ideas for what to do.
Charlie brought a card-game from his old world, and teaches Wilbur how to play. It becomes a favorite past time of theirs.
Jump Mod AU:
Universe where enhanced individuals have recently begun to exist. Tommy, Wilbur, and Quackity are some of many who choose to use their new abilities for their own gain, becoming thieves. They were taken under the wing of master thief Philza, who was in the game long before he gained his new powers.
Or, well, they were thieves. A job gone wrong resulted in them being caught by authorities, and forced into a deal. Once thieves for their own gain, now they’re agents for the government, stealing back what was stolen from their country.
All of them are generally more physically enhanced, with agility, endurance, and all that jazz. But they also have other abilities.
Tommy’s faster than anyone. Wilbur can refract light, essentially becoming invisible. Phil can communicate with birds. And Quackity can change the density of anything he touches, himself excluded.
Philza was actually caught because he stayed behind for his new partners. He had realized someone was looking into them, and didn’t want the younger ones going into that alone.
TNT Mod AU:
Universe where everyone is a mob hybrid, and they live divided in tribes. Tommy, Phil, Charlie, and Wilbur are a tribe/keg of creeper hybrids, who protect their territory, and cause havoc for any trespassers who happens upon them.
No one dares settle there, because these four are just as likely to swear a village’s protection as they are to laugh as they set it ablaze. It’s purely up to how they feel at the moment, finicky keg that they are.
However, there is a reason some do venture here.
Every tribe/(name for grouping of specific mob) guards a certain treasure. For the creeper boys, it’s an orchard of apple trees that grow, not only red apples, but gold ones too-and rarely, a god apple.
If you do happen to stumble upon their territory unintentionally, your best bet is to appeal to Wilbur, as he does have a soft spot for people-of course, you’ll need to make sure none of the others think you’re taking advantage of that soft spot, lest they slowly and painfully kill you for even considering it.
Creepers are very friendly to them, and see them as one of their own. Other mobs, not so much.
The orchard is surrounded by a dense forest, that’s abruptly lets up to a clearing that rings around it. This is where the keg lives, in high tree houses all connected to one another.
Their forest is their pride and joy, and it’s filled with many exotic trees and plants from around the world. Bringing them an addition for it is a sure way to assure your survival, and even gain an alliance, if it’s a really good addition.
Likewise, messing it up even slightly will immediately get you murdered.
Black Hole Mod AU:
Universe where the sun exploded and became a black hole that’s slowly consuming the world. Though many perished, some survived, with the advanced technology in the future.
Wilbur, Charlie, Phil, and Tommy are some of those survivors.
Charlie is a scientist, studying the black hole to see if there’s anyway to perhaps stop it, or survive within it once it consumes them.
Phil’s a former mercenary who came to the lab with Tommy, after finding the young student stumbling about the remains of a city.
Wilbur’s the former on-board scientist from the crew that first encountered the black hole. He was originally presumed dead, but suddenly reappeared one day, and was found nearby by Phil, who dragged him to the lab. He’s...different. He’s seen things.
Charlie and Wilbur graduated from the same university, and were actually working in the same lab before Wilbur joined his crew in space for an up-close study.
Philza has a bad habit of adopting any creature he finds, and it’s become something of a joke by the four. He adopted Tommy, he’s adopted Wilbur and Charlie, and he has quite a few birds and other creatures that followed him back.
Body Shuffle Mod AU:
Universe where glitches a common sight, and humanity has evolved alongside them.
The world basically...well, I wouldn’t say revolves around? But glitches are a large part of life at this point, and players have specifically evolved to be able to work with them.
A common glitch includes the Body Glitch, where random body parts will seemingly vanish off a person without causing them harm or effecting them.
Tommy and Charlie are Takers, people who have a special, glitch-specific gene that allows them to take a glitch effecting a being or item, and pull that effect from said being/item, and upon themselves.
They’re equally loved and hated, considering the rarity of the gene, and what uses it could be employed for.
The two have a business that they use this ability to take and relocate glitches for various purposes.
Philza and Wilbur are the two’s bodyguards turned friends, who protect them from less savory people, and suss out the ones with bad intentions.
Gas Mod AU:
Universe set in a modern fantasy world where a mysterious gas suddenly overtook the planet. Many died. A few survived-but for some of them, that was the crueler fate, as the mysterious gas began to make them monsterous creatures that sought flesh and blood.
Tommy, Charlie, Phil and Wilbur are the scattered survivors in a city overtaken by the gas, banding together to fight back the monsters born from the green fog, and stay alive.
Wilbur was formerly a cartographer on a ship. He’s also half siren, and his most priceless possession is a diamond dagger given to him by his former captain.
Charlie is a doctor, as well as a wizard. His magic pet is a slime-like dragon. Yeah, he’s not sure where the little guy came from either.
Phil got a whole cocktail of heritage, but most are sky-related, so he’s got a strong grasp on air magic, which he uses to create safe bubbles for the gang to breathe freely.
And Tommy’s a low tier human-turned demon after death- an imp, basically. He causes havoc.
They all have to wear gas mask, which are heavily enchanted to keep the gas from affecting them.
The group basically just has a weirdly domestic life in the abandoned city, after they cleared out an abandoned apartment building to chill in.
Surgery Mod:
Universe where the gang are the experiments of a mad scientist having escaped.
Tommy is a poison-based experiment, Wilbur is a Nether-based one, Philza is an End-based experiment, and Charlie is an Over-world based one.
They were all grouped together in a cell because the older three are part of the Dimension Project, and Tommy accidentally imprinted on Wilbur when he was created, meaning he would have died if he was separated from him.
The four eventually decide that they hate this life, and stage a break out with the rest of the guys experiments.
Once they escaped, they decided to travel the world as a family, exploring everything they’d never had the chance to see, and finding where they belonged in this place.
Lava Floor Mod AU:
Universe where all the oceans in the world have been replaced by lava. For Ninja, Tommy, Wilbur, and George, their get-along vacation goes south when they’re stranded alone on a chain of distant islands, far from any sign of civilization.
If they ever hope to survive, they’ll have to put their issues to the side and work together to get to the one place unaffected-the Nether.
Tommy ‘Smokes’ Notfound, and Wilbur ‘Soot’ Fortnite are the two children of the struggling couple George ‘Specs’ Notfound and Ninja ‘Bow’ Fortnite, who haven’t seen each other in years, despite still being married.
The two, knowing how close their kids were, agree to meet up so the two can hang out, which is why they ended up on this vacation on the first place.
Wilbur and Smokes would really appreciate if their parents could get along too-it’d make vacation a lot nicer without all the tension. And yes, they could worry about all the oceans turning to lava, but they won’t. Instead, they’re going to be gremlins who try to get their parents to make up, whether that means divorce, or becoming a happy couple again.
Rising Void Mod AU:
Universe where the planets are being eaten by the void. Tommy, Philza, and Quackity are all aliens who managed to escape the demise of their home planets, and crashed landed on Earth, with the intention of warning them of what was coming.
Unfortunately, the only guy around for miles is Ranboo, a conspiracy theorist who prefers his isolated mountain cabin to the city...and also is in complete denial about the existence of aliens, even if they’re standing right in front of him.
Quackity is from a planet where ores and gems have a large part of fashion culture.
Tommy’s planet was the first to fall. However, Quackity was the one who was closest to be touching, and it leaves side effects-like him occasionally hearing it’s eldritch whispering calling for him to surrender himself to it and stop fighting-
But, y’know. It’s fine. It’s all good.
(Although he does happen to be the most aware of their inevitable fate, and uses humor to cope with the knowledge that no matter how hard they try, he and these people he’s grown to care for are going to die, and there’s absolutely no way to stop that)
Sky Grid Mod AU
Universe where Ranboo is a young, lonely god born to a grid-formed world. Though he has made many interesting creations, he decides he wants someone like him. Who can listen, and answer, and love, and hate.
And the universe loves him, so it answers.
It finds two souls who’ve died too young, and puts them into his hands to mold as he wishes. One, he creates in colors of green, like grass, and emeralds, and poison alike. The other, he creates in colors of red, like lava and poppies, and warm beds.
Their names are Tubbo and Tommy, and they’re different than what he thought they’d be. They cannot be controlled or remade, but they can bleed, and they can laugh, and most importantly, they can make choices.
And they choose to love him, taking him in their embrace as a friend, treating him kindly, and as one of their own, regardless of his power or abilities.
The three make a home in the gridded world, finding themselves and never fearing the fall, because the world loves both it’s godling, and the people made within it.
Terraforming The Moon AU:
Universe where the remains of humanity have fled to the moon upon the destruction of earth. They unintentionally awake age-old space deities, who, luckily for them, feel like lending a hand-mostly.
Wilbur is the only actual deity of the moon, but the rest of the SBI spend more time there than they don’t, because humans are interesting.
Tommy’s the youngest god, a deity of the stars within their young galaxy-it’s a position that was passed onto him by the former star deity, Clara.
Technoblade is the deity of both Mars and Venus. He’s actually been to Earth a few times before it’s destruction, and finds their cultures fascinating-particularly the Greek and Romans.
Philza is the god of the End. The oldest, he’s not just a deity, he’s a primordial of the end of all things. Truthfully, it was the very end of Earth that awoke him from his slumber, and it’s former inhabitants interesting lives that keep him awake.
They all pick a human to favor, and help out. Changes on the day.
Honestly, they aren’t necessarily malicious? They don’t really consider the fact that humans don’t have the same limitations and powers as them, so occasionally they fuck something up that somebody worked hard on, and don’t understand why they don’t just fix it already, not realizing that the humans actually have to take awhile to do that.
One Hundred Player Laboratory AU:
Universe set in modern time.
Wilbur and Technoblade are two university students trying to do a study for their finals-unfortunately, the rats they were supposed to use are both oddly sentient, and incredibly chaotic.
Techno and Wilbur are doing a study of behavior, and other scientific things. To do this, Techno has built a large, complex maze/building thing.
And Wilbur purchased a bunch of rats-except, he probably should have been a bit more careful who he bought from, becomes these rats definitely understand human speech, are all not normally colored, and desire to be as annoying and detrimental to their grades as possible.
To put it lightly, it’s not going well.
George’s If You Laugh You Lose Rematch AU:
Universe set in a chaotic, light-hearted world.
Sapnap, Karl, George, and Dream are some of the world’s residents.
Karl and Dream are chaotic shapeshifters who enjoy messing with George.
Sapnap’s a mischievous nether spirit who likes to team up and help them do it.
Karl can shift into objects, and Dream can turn into animals.
The whole world is comedic, and all it’s residents have a permanent case of the giggles-to the point of making a game of how long one can hold off laughing.
Sapnap usually takes the form of an enderman or enderman hybrid
#dream smp#dream smp au#tubbo#ranboo#tommyinnit#philza#technoblade#charlie slimecicle#quackity#georgenotfound#dreamwastaken#karl jacobs#wilbur soot#sapnap#Bits And Bobs of AUs And Mods AU
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Ace Attorney/Gravity Falls AU Overview
This has been in development for over a year, folks. Basically it’s a “what if the Feys were in tune with more than just spirits and Miles Edgeworth had heterochromia and wanted to be a scientist instead of a prosecutor” AU.
More details under the cut.
It starts... very far in the past. Twin flowers were born in the second dimension: Dahlia and Iris Hawthorne. Well, those aren't technically their "real" names, just aliases they picked to seem friendlier. Dahlia is a pink 12-pointed star, Iris's design hasn't been picked out yet. Dahlia grows up unhappy with her surroundings, and tricks Iris into helping her destroy the 2nd dimension with the help of a being called "Morgan Fey" (also an alias.) Morgan manages to contain things before they get too out of hand, and separates the twins, disguising Iris as a human, permanently, and keeps Dahlia in a sort of void.
Meet Miles Edgeworth. Him and his identical twin, Franziska, were born from an affair that Manfred von Karma had. Miles is the top of his class in everything he studies, and Franziska is right behind him. It seems like together, they can conquer the world.
But Manfred wants Miles to pursue law, and threatens to disown him if he doesn't. They have a big fight over it, and Miles decides to get a scholarship at a fancy American university since it's a way he can get away from Manfred. Franziska, in a fit of being afraid of being abandoned, accidentally spills water on his tickets. They argue about it, and eventually she agrees to pay for a replacement. Manfred is very not happy with this, and tells her that buying those plane tickets is the last thing she'll ever do with his money. So, she packs up all her stuff and buys an extra set of tickets to travel to America with Miles. Problem is, she loses him at the airport.
Manfred pretends that his youngest kids died, and since he's famous, people believe him.
He has a grand time at Ivy University and meets Phoenix Wright there. (He's a surprise tool that will help us later.)
Franziska, on the other hand, doesn't fare so hot. She has to resort to scamming people on the street by doing various scams until she gets chased out of state. One time, she steals a camper van by pretending she's a confused tourist. She still rides horseback whenever possible, especially in farm country, but seems to just accept her life of exploiting loopholes in the law.
Miles, on the flight to America, reads a little Geocities-esque article that's presented like a creepypasta. He doesn't believe it, but he's in for a laugh, and so he follows the little "ritual" in the article, then naps the rest of the time on the plane.
It lies dormant for a while, but then, once he moves to Gravity Falls after uni and decides to plant dahlias in his yard, a certain someone visits him in his sleep.
Dahlia Hawthorne introduces herself to Miles Edgeworth in the chess dimension- AKA his mind. They chat for a bit, and then Miles makes a deal with her. This goes about as well as you'd expect.
He attempts to find out more about her, including interviewing one "Iris Fey" with a suspiciously Dahlia-shaped birthmark, but then, the blackouts start. Dahlia randomly possesses him whenever she feels like it, as per their deal. It's not long, though, till they realize they can't build this portal unless they have a mechanic.
Cue Phoenix Wright. He's an engineer in this au, since it suits the plot. Miles invites him to Oregon, they start talking again, they get married, finish the portal and wham, bam, Phoenix sees Dahlia's true form and gets Very Freaked Out and stops working on the project. He also invents the memory gun and becomes Old Man Wright. Not a hillbilly, though. He's just a sad dumpster diver who listens to Sad Old Man Music. And adopts two kids, but we'll get to that later.
Miles goes on with his life, but then realizes Dahlia has awful intentions and intends to stop her before it's too late. He puts a metal plate in his head and calls up Franziska based on her last known location, and tells her to come see him in Oregon.
Franziska, thoroughly annoyed, decides to come see him to yell at him a little bit. Instead, she's greeted with a crossbow to the face, Miles with a stubble beard, and a leather-bound book with an M with a line and what looks like two sideways square brackets underneath it, which he tells her to hide but not destroy.
She gets mad at him, because "Miles, it has been 7 years since we last spoke." Christmas was three days ago as well, and she wants to have a nice got dang conversation for once. This conversation ends up taking them all the way to the basement, where they get into a fight and Franziska accidentally pushes her brother into the portal.
She, not knowing what to do, assumes his legal name "Francis von Karma", and decides to open up his old cottage as a sideshow/escape room. Wright is upset because of this, but he can't remember why.
Sometime in the gap, Wright finds two children, and a mother who can't provide for them. Phoenix being the bleeding heart he is, takes them to Franziska after legally adopting them. Franziska doesn't have enough money to take care of twins, so after Phoenix names the kids Apollo and Trucy, they're sent off to be raised by Franziska's older sister.
In Summer of 2031, Trucy and Apollo get sent to their Auntie Fran's house in Oregon, because Franziska's sister thinks it's important for them to. Hijinx ensues.
Sebastian tries to upstage Franziska and then later summons Dahlia to prove he's "the best".
Klavier and Apollo have an on-again off-again friendship, while him and Trucy try to best each other in the performing arts.
Franziska has hired Gumshoe (named after his favourite novels) and Maya Fey (Iris' cousin) to work at the Mystery Shack, and then Ema and Apollo get into a prank war.
Trucy befriends Kay Faraday and Athena Cykes. Simon Blackquill also appears sometimes, as a kind of role model figure for them. (The kids think he's very cool)
The Paynes like bread.
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OR IS HE?
I present to you, the Michael Knight Manwhore Index!
This was shamelessly ripped off from inspired by Sara_merry’s Michael Knight Sex Project on LJ, which tragically appears to have been abandoned after the first 14 episodes. But having a) a ton of spare time on my hands due to the ongoing Coronapocalypse, b) a steadfast dedication to sitting around in my pajamas watching Knight Rider instead of cleaning the gutters or replacing my car’s valve cover gaskets and c) a burning need to know how accurate my estimate of Michael’s conquests was in my last trashy fanfic, I persevered.
Methodology: I assigned each prominent female guest character (and the occasional male and/or regular character) a probability of having gotten it on with Michael, based on my subjective interpretation of how much they flirted/made out/made plans for a romantic getaway/actually went on a romantic getaway. Episodes in which at least one character had a 50% or greater probability (including with characters who were talked about but not seen onscreen) were assigned a value of 1. Episodes with a 49% or lower probability were assigned a value of 0. Values were totaled to calculate each season’s MKMI number.
TL;DR results:
(# denotes probable sexytimes with someone who wasn’t seen onscreen, * denotes Michael’s participation was most likely non-consensual)
Season 1 MKMI number: 13
04 - Good Day at White Rock 05 - Slammin’ Sammy’s Stunt Show Spectacular 06 - Just My Bill # 07 - Not a Drop to Drink 08 - No Big Thing # 09 - Trust Doesn’t Rust # 10 - Inside Out 11 - The Final Verdict 13 - Forget Me Not 15 - Give Me Liberty... or Give Me Death 16 - The Topaz Connection 17 - A Nice, Indecent Little Town 20 - Knight Moves
Season 2 MKMI number: 6
06 - Return to Cadiz 07 - KITT the Cat 08 - Custom KITT 14 - Diamonds Aren’t a Girl’s Best Friend 18/19 - Goliath Returns * 23 - Let It Be Me
Season 3 MKMI number: 7
09 - Dead of Knight 12 - Custom Made Killer # 13 - Knight by A Nose 14 - Junk Yard Dog 15 - Buy Out 17 - The Nineteenth Hole 22 - Circus Knights
Season 4 MKMI number: 5
03 - KITTnap 08 - Many Happy Returns 12 - The Scent of Roses 16 - Redemption of a Champion 22 - Voo Doo Knight
Conclusion: Michael is not nearly as much of a manwhore as people think, at least based on what we see onscreen. Although he clearly does have a social life outside of what we’re shown in every episode, so there’s still a world of possibilities...
Detailed episode analysis below the cut:
s1e01/02 - Knight of the Phoenix
Lonnie - Don't seem to know each other very well, no signs of other than professional interest. Probability: 0%
Tanya - Some kind of working relationship as Michael Long, but she doesn't seem to recognize his voice as MK. Plus he was possibly still engaged to Stevie as ML.
T: "I can promise you a very rewarding... *partnership*." M: "Not this time."
Probability: 5% (as ML) 0% (as MK)
Maggie - She expresses regret at not going for him at the end, but also seems more interested in finding a father figure for her son. It's implied that Michael left town before anything could happen. He did say he'd come back and visit. Did he ever? Would Maggie be up for a fling even though she knows he can't settle down? Potentially but not necessarily.
Probability - 30%
s1e03 - Deadly Maneuvers
Robin - They keep things mostly professional during the investigation. Michael goes to his own hotel room. At the end, it looks like he and Devon are leaving together. Michael is wearing a different shirt in the last scene than in the one where he rescues Robin from the munitions range so it's unclear how much time has passed. Theoretically sexytimes could have transpired but there aren't really any strong suggestions that they have.
Probability: 10%
s1e04 - Good Day at White Rock
Sherry - "Keep driving." "For how long?" "Until one of us runs out of gas."
Probability: 95%
s1e05 - Slammin' Sammy's Stunt Show Spectacular
Lisa - She's definitely interested. And he's sticking around for another 3 weeks, so definitely some opportunity. He doesn't seem as flirtatious with her as he was with Sherry but it's definitely a possibility.
Probability: 70%
s1e06 - Just My Bill
Sabrina (offscreen) - Devon breaks Michael's date with her. Not enough info to draw any conclusions about whether it's a first and/or last date. A definite possibility.
Probability: 50%
Senator Maggie - That would have been subversive af, but alas, no.
Probability: 0%
Jane - Doesn't seem that into him at their first meeting. At their breakfast date he asks her how she slept, which presumably he'd know if he'd been there. She does go out to lunch with him and Devon at the end. Possible but not conclusive.
Probability: 25%
s1e07 - Not A Drop to Drink
Francesca - They have kind of a "channel the sexual tension into arguments" thing, but like Maggie in the pilot, she's probably looking more for somebody who can settle down. Another one where he talks at the end about coming back to visit but we don't know if he ever does. Maybe?
Probability: 50%
S1e08 - No Big Thing
The Unnamed 200-Mile Diversion Girl (offscreen) - I doubt he drove 200 miles out of his way just for coffee and friendly conversation.
Probability: 90%
Carol Reston - They have dinner together but seem to be keeping things strictly business. No apparent indication that they're romantically interested, no "Come back and visit sometime."
Probability: 0%
s1e09 - Trust Doesn't Rust
Rosalyn and/or Rosalie (offscreen) - "What's wrong with a little 'companionship'?"
Probability: 90%
Bonnie - They almost kiss after defeating KARR, but mutually think better of it. Presumably the moment passes and stays passed for another few seasons of UST.
Probability: 0%
s1e10 - Inside Out
(This ep has a higher than average amount of sexual innuendo, including KITT's breathless response to Bonnie adjusting his components, Michael commenting that Bonnie knows how to turn KITT on, KITT straight-facedly giving Michael an accounting of Bonnie's measurements after Michael wonders whether there's a real woman under her jumpsuit, and Michael & KITT's "Maybe I can get something from the girl"/ "I wouldn't touch that line with a 10 foot driveshaft" conversation. "Don't worry, I'll distract her."/"I'll bet." "What was that all about?"/"Biology.")
Linda - WTF was up with him grabbing her in the woods like a skeezoid rapist when he just wanted to give her dinner? She doesn't kick him in the balls so I guess that counts for something. They hug after a conversation in her room later, hold hands and smooch before she goes off to do... something mission related. She saves his ass and helps him drop off the bad guys at the prison. Do they celebrate later? Maybe.
Probability: 70%
s1e11 - The Final Verdict
Cheryl - They're pretty touchy-feely when he visits her in jail, and she gives him a pretty good kiss at the end. Odds are good that they had/will have a romantic relationship at some point.
Probability: 90%
s1e12- A Plush Ride
M: I wanna search Margo's room. K: I've heard that one before. M: It'll give you something to brood about during the night.
Margo - (spoiler alert) She's a terrorist. They get physical when she catches him searching her room but it doesn't turn into anything more than fighting. He kisses her (in front of everybody, wtf) after she (supposedly) saves him from being murdered by Jacobs. But the next time we see the two of them together, she's taking him prisoner. She's pretty touchy-feely with him while he's tied up but there's no time for her to do anything (and presumably he wouldn't be into it if she did, what with her being a terrorist and all).
Probability: 0%
Bonnie - Uncharacteristically flirtatious, appears to be a bit tipsy. No real implication that anything happened, though.
Probability: 0%
s1e13 - Forget Me Not
Maria Elena - They're flirting up a storm in their first scene. And their third one. And fourth one. Also she's frequently scantily clad around him. Michael to KITT in the last scene: "See you in two days, buddy." Oh yeah, he was planning something.
Probability: 95%
Micki - She's a little flirtatious too before she loses her memory (although he starts it by fake-flirting with her). And also feels comfortable enough to just run around in Michael's shirt and little else after she loses her memory, although she says she doesn't just meet guys at parties and go home with them (she thinks). He tells her she's a nice lady but doesn't seem that romantically interested in her.
Probability: 10% Until...
Maria Elena & Micki - They've become fast friends by the last scene and both kiss him on the cheek at the same time after he brings them both flowers (at KITT's instigation). Why do I get the feeling "Anybody wanna cruise a hamburger joint?" was as close as they could get to implying a threesome on 80s family hour tv?
Probability: 60%
s1e14 - Hearts of Stone
M: KITT, don't fall in love with one of these beautiful cars and run off on me, huh?
K: I wouldn't dream of it.
Angie - She's with Roberto. Also (spoiler alert) a scam artist criminal.
Probability - 0%
The blonde lady at the bar - They flirt and she tells him she hopes to see him later, but no indication that she ever does.
Probability: 5%
Devon - Oh man, the way he's eyeing Michael up in his hotel room. And if we're still in the pilot universe, Michael is a dead ringer for a young Wilton, whom I will never be unconvinced Devon wasn't either secretly in love with or a relationship with, s2 Devon Miles Heterosexuality Minutes be damned. We never really get any indication that Michael swings that way, though (at least with non-automotive males, *wink*).
Probability: 0%
The nurse - In the novelization she flirts with him and kisses him, but no indication of romantic interest in the actual episode.
Probability: 0%
s1e15 - Give Me Liberty... Or Give Me Death
Bonnie - He tries to ask her out, but she's busy spending the night with KITT. :D She also doesn't seem very impressed with his Liberty drama.
Probability: 0%
Liberty Cox - When she shows up in his room, he seems a lot less interested in her than she is in him, but he doesn't exactly fight her off when she starts kissing him. He tells KITT he went to bed and she went back to her room, but she's sure more pissed about not getting to ride along with him the next day than you'd think she'd be if all they'd done was smooch. Also she's back at FLAG HQ at the end so maybe she's spending some time in town.
Probability: 90%
Dorothy Ackridge - He tries to be flirtatious but she has no time for his shenanigans. she's grateful when he saves her life but doesn't express any romantic interest in him.
Probability: 0%
s1e16 - The Topaz Connection
Lauren Royce - She takes half the episode to warm up to him but they have fun in Vegas. "You do the cake, I'll do the champagne, and we'll see what else comes to mind." "Deal." Things look like they might be headed in a steamy direction as evidenced by the romantic music playing but they get cockblocked by Bob. They smooch before she gets on the bogus plane. In the last scene they kiss some more and she tells him they have some unfinished business.
Probability: 95%
s1e17 - A Nice, Indecent Little Town
KITT: Michael is... indisposed. Devon: Oh. That means he's either with a young lady or in jail.
Jobina - He's definitely turning on the charm. She helps Michael escape from jail (with KITT's assistance). "Is there anything this car can't do?" "I think a woman would be a better judge of that." "I beg your pardon?" I don't even know what that's supposed to mean but I want to believe it's something saucy. Not actually much indication onscreen that anything happened but in the last scene Michael says he hopes Jobina will stay in town and Bonnie asks if that's so he'll know where to find her. Michael responds, "Yeah, that's a thought." Possibilities here.
Probability: 50%
s1e18 - Chariot of Gold
Dr. Charlene Litton - He chats her up at the party, but it's in the line of duty. She's kind of condescending to him. She does break away from the creepy IQ cult and help Michael foil their plans, but isn't seen again.
Probability: 0%
Bonnie - They do their usual UST thing, and dance at the party until Devon cuts in. He's extremely protective of her. He talks her out of her brainwashing by telling her "We're a team, we love each other." He makes her breakfast and brings her a rose at the end. Still, no overt indication that anything beyond camaraderie happens.
Probability: 0%
s1e19 - White Bird
Stevie - Presumably they've gotten it on in the past but there was too much going on in this episode for anything to happen. Also presumably Wilton didn't do any renovations below Michael's neck so if they'd gotten it on she would have known with 100% certainty who he was.
Probability: 95% (as ML) 5% (as MK)
s1e20 - Knight Moves
Terri - He asks her to go dancing. She turns him down but finds him likable/trustworthy enough to let him give her a lift home. They seem to be bonding but when he goes in for a kiss she says goodnight and goes in the house (alone). His little smile afterwards suggests he's up for the challenge. After he saves her life and her other driver threatens to quit she tells him she really likes him and hugs her but doesn't push it further than that. She tells him the next day that it was the first time she ever wanted to kiss a man (but that she had before anyway D: ). At the end they do go dancing (and she puts on a dress because heaven forbid a tough woman should ever fail to embrace conventional femininity immediately upon being found attractive by any halfway decent dude) and it's a reasonable assumption that they did more than just *dance* until dawn. I kind of want to roast Michael a little for not being more aghast about the fact that she's kissed dudes she didn't really want to and for encouraging her to give up her Tomboy Terri persona but it was a less enlightened era and at least he didn't hit on her when she was vulnerable which is more than a lot of dudes of his time (or this one, for that matter) would have done so I'll cut him some slack.
Probability: 90%
s1e21 - Nobody Does It Better
Connie - He's checking her out on the tennis court but (spoiler alert) she gets murdered.
Probability: 0%
Flannery Roe - Things are off to a rocky start. She seems to take his "do you like to play?" at the club as a come on, pulls a gun on him (not entirely unjustifiably) when he corners her in the cul-de-sac and has him arrested on suspicion of being a stalker and/or rapist. She warms up to him a bit after he provides a comforting hug when she finds Connie's body but still gets a little shirty with him at the restaurant and turns down his offer of a ride home. She's antagonistic toward him when they meet again at the club. He saves her from the bad guys and for some reason she's back at the Foundation HQ at the end but they don't do any huggy-kissy stuff so odds are minimal.
Probability: 1%
s1e22 - Short Notice
K: Since you haven't asked, I'll tell you. It was demoralizing, demeaning. M: What? K: Police impound. M: Oh. You had me worried there for a minute.
Nicole - She keeps him at arm's length initially (understandably since she's hitching). Turns out she's another single mom, so her main preoccupation is getting her kid back, and she doesn't really care if she dicks Michael over in the process. He does get along well with her kid when they find her so that probably gets him a few points in her eyes. They hold hands after he beats all the bad guys in the western town and hug at the end but don't kiss. She's probably looking for a new dad for Natalie. He tells Natalie he hopes they'll see him again but nothing conclusive.
Probability: 10%
s2e01/02 - Goliath
Rita Wilcox - Another one where there was possible interest but probably wasn't time for anything to happen. She spends half the episode either pissed off at him or faking a relationship with Garthe, and then they're busy trying to take out Goliath. They hug after Garthe and Goliath are out of commission but don't kiss. At the end she's on her way out of town. It's unclear how much time has passed between that and the last scene but when she implies he should look her up if he's in LA, he doesn't mention that the Foundation's home base is in SoCal (or so it appears)? I don't think he's the type who wouldn't go for a woman he was interested in just because she'd hooked up with his evil twin (even if he was a little judgy when he found out she was shacking up with Garthe again), so maybe he's just not that into her.
Probability: 25%
s2e03 - Brother's Keeper
Lisa - Things aren't exactly off to a great start when he kidnaps her. She warms up to him a little by the end and they give each other a fairly chaste goodbye smooch. He says they'll see each other again and she says she hopes so. Maybe?
Probability: 30%
April: He's on a kidnapping spree and drags her to the beach at the end. Still, no real indicator that anything romantic is going to ensue.
Probability: 5%
s2e04 - Merchants of Death
Camela - They seem to keep it professional except for a goodbye kiss. Not even a "We'll see each other again." Odds are minimal.
Probability: 5%
s2e05 - Blind Spot
Julie - She's in some kind of platonic lifemate relationship with John, which may end up being more than platonic thanks to Michael's yenta-ing.
Probability: 0%
s2e06 - Return to Cadiz
Jennifer Shell - They have dinner together and she seems to open up to him but it isn't overtly romantic. They have a spat but hug and make up when he finds the secret treasure cave. She kisses him after he rescues her from the bad guys. An undisclosed amount of time has passed before they have dinner and he heads out but they do the "Will I see you again?/count on it" thing before she kisses him goodbye. It's possible, maybe even likely.
Probability: 50%
s2e07 - KITT the Cat
Grace - She's definitely flirting with him when she invites him to the party. And then tries to convince him she's not the burglar by making out with him. At the end he kisses her goodbye pretty interestedly while promising to keep a closer eye on her. Odds are good.
Probability: 85%
s2e08 - Custom KITT
Suzanne Weston - She's pretty overt about her interest in him, but when she shows up in his room he seems relieved when KITT beeps him on the comlink. She tells him he knows where to find her if he's ever in the mood for something other than "good, clean" fun, so by implication he hasn't been.
Probability: 0%
Carrie - She's into him enough to get jealous when she thinks he hooked up with Suzanne. "If our plan works and the thief tries to steal KITT tonight, you can thank me." She kisses him first, but then he kisses her and tells her that's "very close" to his way of wanting to be thanked. The implications aren't particularly subtle. They enthusiastically hug after catching the bad guys. When she wins the car show, they smooch with more "I don't know how to thank you... but I'm sure I'll think of a way" innuendo. He tells her he'll see her later, and I think it's a strong possibility that he will.
Probability: 90%
s2e09 - Soul Survivor
M: Devon, I felt something in here... I don't know, a presence... KITT's presence.
K: Oh Michael, do I look just dreadful? Be honest. M: KITT, what matters to me is who you are, not what you look like. Sure we don't have the car. So we can't turbo boost. So we can't go over 200 miles an hour. It was all icing on the cake anyway. It wasn't you. K: It wasn't? M: No, the car was fantastic but if you break it down it was steel, rubber and glass. We can always make another one. But you, you are a lot more than silicon chips and fancy circuitry, You're my buddy. You're my partner. KITT, you're one of a kind. K: Thank you, Michael. The feeling's mutual.
K: What was it like, Michael? M: What, KITT? K: Seeing my body functioning without me? Or you? M: A little spooky, let me tell ya. K: Did it seem like me? M: Yeah, it did and it didn't. It looked like you, but somehow it just wasn't the same. K: I don't understand. M: It didn't have your soul, KITT. Without that, it could never be the same. K: Thank you, Michael.
Adrianne - She techno-roofies him and the way Randy sticks his head in the door and then guiltily ducks back out as she's leaning over him on the couch kind of suggests he's walking in on something he knows he shouldn't see. Still, Michael appears to be fully clothed when he wakes up in a ditch. Adrianne is totally a creepy douchebag and/or rapist (as we will see more of in Goliath Returns) but she was probably too preoccupied with stealing KITT to do anything in this ep.
Probability: 20%
s2e10 - Ring of Fire
(This is one of two eps where Michael utters the phrase "come on, baby" to KITT while trying to get out of a jam. Obviously NBC's censors had to ruin our fun because it never happens again after this season.)
Layla - She's still married. Doesn't really express romantic interest in Michael and the hero of an 80s family hour tv series probably wouldn't have gotten it on with a married woman no matter how much of an abusive dick her husband was. They do kiss goodbye at the end and he tells her if she ever decides to leave the bayou, she knows where he'll be. If anything ever happens, it's probably in the distant future.
Probability: 5%
s2e11 - Knightmares
M: Whoa, you are hot! K: Quite true, Michael.
Cara - She tries to look out for him after he gets amnesia, but not a lot of indication that she's romantically interested in him, and he's too busy trying to figure out wtf is going on to hit on her. They hug after he rescues her from drowning but we don't see any more of them together.
Probability: 5%
s2e12 - Silent Knight
Marta - No real indication of romantic interest on either side. We don't see what they're doing as Tino is saying goodbye to KITT but considering he offered her a handshake and not a kiss or even a hug, it's probably safe to say nothing happened.
Probability: 0%
s2e13 - A Knight in Shining Armor
Katherine - She's a little young for him (Michael tells her the treasure was supposed to be her 21st birthday present so presumably she's legal but the fact that she's still in prep school makes her seem younger). Also this is another episode where he begins their acquaintance by first rescuing, then kidnapping the female lead. They don't particularly like each other at first, but hug after his "if nobody can hurt you, then nobody can love you" chat with her, again after he rescues her from the bad guy (again) and after escaping the cave collapse. It seems more friendly than romantic, though.He takes her hand in the cave but it comes off more as sharing a moment than a romantic overture. They kiss at the end but he tells her goodbye and leaves. No indication that they're going to see each other again.
Probability: 5%
s2e14 - Diamonds Aren't A Girl's Best Friend
Lauren - She makes out with him when he first shows up as part of her cover story and he clearly doesn't mind. He's pretty committed to maintaining their cover in subsequent scenes. In the last scene she tells him she'd like "to do it for real" but she's pretty clearly referring to kissing, not *it*. By implication they haven't done more than kiss at this point but when she asks if she'll see him again, he tells her "unless you change her name and move to Okinawa." Future potential.
Probability: 50%
Lauren's boss - She's kind of flirtatious with him when they first meet but no indicator that anything happens.
Probability: 0%
s2e15 - White Line Warriors
Cindy - She's with Ron, who is apparently pretty understanding since he doesn't seem to object to her giving Michael a thank-you kiss at the end.
Probability: 0%
s2e16 - Race For Life
April - He's emotionally supportive and her niece has been introduced to Michael and KITT but no significant indications of anything romantic.
Probability: 0%
s2e17 - Speed Demons
Sabrina - He comes to her rescue when Wade is harassing her at the party, They hug after she talks to him about Kelly. They give each other a chaste goodbye kiss but no real indication of romantic interest.
Probability: 0%
s2318/19 - Goliath Returns
Adrianne - This one gets an asterisk, because whatever happened in Garthe's creepy dungeon after the cutaway to a scandalized KITT didn't look consensual on Michael's side. She pretty obviously went down to there to sleep with him, and the way she staggers out in her bathrobe the next morning while Garthe bitches about how she slept in pretty strongly implies that she actually did, but Michael really seems the opposite of into her and her basically telling him "please me [in bed] and maybe I'll make sure my psycho boyfriend doesn't murder you" is rape by coercion if not by force. Did he grit his teeth and do it just to hedge his bets? Maybe.
Probability: 80%*
s20 - A Good Knight's Work
Gina - He's obviously interested and kisses her before he goes to MMM, but (spoiler alert) she's playing him. Except maybe she's not so bad because she lets him talk her out of shooting him and then they hug. They kiss goodbye at the end but she's going into witness protection and there isn't really any indication that they'll see each other again or that anything romantic transpired.
Probability: 10%
s2e21/22 - Mouth of the Snake
Joanna - She was more interested in Dalton. I deeply want to believe Dalton's invitation to Michael to hang out with them at the end was really an invitation to join them for a threesome because it's the only thing that would make this episode interesting, but Michael takes a rain check and heads out of town.
Probability: 0%
s2e23 - Let It Be Me
Stevie - She's still pretty broken up about her boyfriend's death. He kisses her when they go back to her apartment and she tells him she still dreams about him. The next scene they're wearing different clothes and seemingly some time has passed so maybe something happened after the cutaway?
Probability: 50%
s2e24 - Big Iron
Lucy - She was the woman who was coming out of the hotel room at the beginning. He seemed to be checking her out in that scene but obviously he's not going for a married woman even if she didn't have some other drama going on.
Probability: 0%
s3e01/02 - Knight of the Drones
Bonnie - They hug when he shows up at the university and he makes the "You can sail with me anytime" comment to her at the marina at the end and they link arms to walk to the boat, but not really anything more romantic than that.
Probability: 0%
Margo - She fakes romantic interest in him and he plays along, but (spoiler alert) she's setting him up to be murdered.
Probability: 0%
s3e03 - The Ice Bandits
Bonnie - They walk arm-in-arm into the diamond place, but Michael was making innuendoes about other women when she was sitting right next to him in the car 30 seconds previously so probably nothing really going on.
Probability: 5%
Jody - She's engaged to Charlie. Michael tells Charlie "She's not the one I'm interested in, it's *you*," with his standard flirtatious grin and god, that's hot. Spoiler alert: Charlie is a crook. Even after she finds out the truth she doesn't really express romantic interest in Michael although she does paint his portrait.
Probability: 5%
s3e04 - Knights of the Fast Lane
Diane - He's too preoccupied with Stacy's case to flirt. She hugs him after he rescues her but we don't see them together again.
Probability: 5%
The random cheerleader - She seems interested, but we don't see them together again either.
Probability: 5%
s3e05 - Halloween Knight
Bonnie - He's very protective. Tinhats would probably make something of the fact that her costume is Scarlett O'Hara and his is Rhett Butler. Still, nothing too overtly romantic.
Probability: 5%
Esmerelda - She'd probably put a love spell on him in a hot minute but I think he finds her a little terrifying.
Probability: 5%
Denise - She's friendly but not overly flirtatious. Also she gets murdered before anything can happen.
Probability: 0%
s3e06 - KITT vs. KARR
Mandy - She's with John. No indicators that they're interested in a threesome.
Probability: 0%
s3e07 - The Rotten Apples
Marilyn - They're hardcore flirting and she says she hopes to see him again. They kiss after he wins the mechanical bull contest, but then she catches a bus out of town. She kisses him goodbye and he does this "oh yeah, I still got it" move but we don't get any strong evidence that anything else happened.
Probability: 10%
Rebecca - Not a lot of flirtation, and the kids are always around cockblocking.
Probability: 10%
s3e08 - Knight in Disgrace
(I was almost too distracted by KITT and Michael in this ep to pay attention to the GOTW, lol. KITT's hurt confusion when Michael leaves and him being a total bitch to Michael's would-be replacement and the way he goes with Michael even when he thinks he's on the wrong side of the law, I'm *dying* here...)
Linda - She comes onto him and roofies him at the bar and he wakes up with his shirt undone, but she's Boyd's girlfriend and (spoiler alert) another hapless single mom so she probably didn't do anything untoward, assuming he was even conscious enough by the time she got him home. After she gets to know and trust him she doesn't make any moves on him and they don't smooch or anything at the end.
Probability: 5%
s3e09 - Dead of Knight
Cindy - It's not entirely clear what their relationship is. At the beginning it looks more like he's trying to pick up on her than they're actually dating. He's obviously really invested in helping her but he'd undoubtedly do the same for anybody who was in mortal peril because of him. At the end in the ambulance he calls her "baby" and says they have a date. In the last scene Cindy is leaving for Broadway soon but they're all together at the Foundation and it's unclear how much time has elapsed. Not conclusive but suggestive.
Probability: 50%
Renard's girlfriend - She's putting the moves on him while he's feverish and loopy and somehow his shirt has gotten unbuttoned but there's a guard in the room so probably nothing happened.
Probability: 10%
s3e10 - Lost Knight
"If I may be so bold, what on earth were you *doing* down there?"
(LBR, Michael is too busy angsting about KITT to try and get laid in this ep.)
Doug's mom - In a relationship, although at the end she decides to break things off with her boyfriend so she can focus more on her son. She and Michael kiss goodbye but it's improbable that there's anything more than that since she just said she doesn't need another man around right now.
Probability: 0%
s3e11 - Knight of the Chameleon
Tonie Baxter - They seem to know each other from a previous case. He kisses her on the forehead at the end of their first scene. They don't really seem to interact romantically during this episode. Michael gets distracted by KITT's contest winnings before they have a chance for a goodbye kiss.
Probability: 10%
s3e12 - Custom Made Killer
Unnamed Dancer (offscreen) - Devon: "You've been rather difficult to reach lately. Particularly last night." Michael: "I got a weakness for dancers." HIs protest that they're "innocent girls working their way through college" leaves little doubt about what kind of dancer this was.
Probability: 95%
Joan - No evidence of romantic interest. Also (spoiler alert) she's collaborating with the bad guys.
Probability: 0%
Debra - He flirts at the end and she kisses him goodbye. Lewis says "He'll be back" and she gives a suggestive eyebrow raise. Possible but not conclusive.
Probability: 25%
s3e13 - Knight By A Nose
M: KITT, how close are you? It's getting stuffy in here. K: Any closer and I'll have to marry this limo.
Maxine - They hug and he calls her "sweetheart" when he shows up. Devon accuses Michael of being biased because Max is attractive but he describes her as "a very, very close friend." Yet we never actually see them kiss. Maybe they really are just friends?
Probability: 25%
s3e14 - Junkyard Dog
Fran - He's too preoccupied with KITT to do much flirting for most of the episode, but they're having a picnic/makeout session together in the semi, seemingly alone, at the end. It's a reasonable assumption that things escalated at some point, even if they didn't want a scandalized KITT watching and commenting at that particular moment.
Probability: 80%
s3e15 - Buy Out
Mel - They keep it professional for most of the ep but after he catches the bad guy he tells her she's attractive without her welding mask and they kiss. We don't see them together again but it's possible that more happened.
Probability: 50%
s3e16 - Knightlines
Janet Morgan - She's recently widowed and not in the market yet. No romantic interaction.
Probability: 0%
s3e17 - The Nineteenth Hole
Daisy: Is that thing blown? KITT: I beg your pardon?
Jamie - After they fake being married at the hotel she kisses him before the race. Not a lot of other romantic interaction but he and Bonnie and Devon do seem to be sticking around to watch the race so something could happen.
Probability: 50%
Daisy - He flirts with her a little at the meetup but no indication that it goes beyond that.
Probability: 0%
s3e18 - Knight and Knerd
Allie - She rides off into the sunset with Elliot.
Probability: 0%
Receptionist at Gifford's - He flirts but no indication that it goes anywhere.
Probability: 0%
Vanessa Sutton - Apparently he gives a really good massage but she's (understandably) pissed off that he wasn't who she was expecting the massage from. Also she's a villain and is too busy setting him up to get murdered for anything to happen.
Probability: 0%
s3e19 - Ten Wheel Trouble
M: Hey, are you hungry back there, partner? K: Perhaps a little lonely, Michael. But rather enjoying my independence.
Sally - He turns on the charm when they first meet but things go south rapidly when he talks her brother into going to jail. By the end he's back in her good graces and she likes him enough to steal a kiss from him before he says goodbye. You know her hormonal teenage brain is thinking about it but for reasons that should be obvious, he isn't going there.
Probability: 0%
s3e20 - Knight In Retreat
KITT: Of course, there is one other possibility. Devon: What is that? KITT: The lady of the retreat. She's quite attractive. Of course, knowing Michael the way I do, it would strictly be in the line of duty.
Bianca - She seems to find him physically attractive, and maybe if she hadn't been so busy torturing him she would have tried to have a little fun with him. But considering what he suspects her of, he probably wouldn't have gone too far unless he absolutely had to.
Probability: 0%
Monica - She flirts with him at the bar and comments on what a waste it is to kill him, but nothing is likely to have happened due to both time constraints and her being Bianca's henchwoman.
Probability: 0%
s3e21 - Knight Strike
Sheila - She acts jealous when he makes the date with Tyler but he seems more exasperated than romantically interested in her. They kiss before he goes into the warehouse but it's fairly short and chaste. At the end, she goes off with O'Malley.
Probability: 0%
Tyler - She makes a date with him at the gun range but it's just a distraction. He flirts with her but it's all in the line of duty.
Probability: 0%
s3e22 - Circus Knights
Bonnie: I have to admit, Devon, he looks fantastic. Devon: Yes, in spite of that ridiculous costume he's wearing. Bonnie: No, I'm talking about KITT!
Terri - They keep things professional at first, although when they're in the car together she asks if circus-folk camaraderie is the only reason he's interested in helping her. He says he's be lying if he said yes and presumably she reads it as him being interested romantically. After his near-murder in the ring they have a heart-to-heart talk and kiss. At the end he tells her to call him if she needs anything. *Anything?* Hmmm...
Probability: 50%
Tiger - She hits on him but he's not into it.
Probability: 0%
s4e01/02 - Knight of the Juggernaut
K: I'm asking you how I look. M: You look great, same as always!
Marta - They have some chemistry in their first meeting. He asks her out when they get back to her apartment. But (spoiler alert) she's part of the conspiracy to steal the cernium and sets him up to get murdered (twice). He cools it on the flirting after the first incident (understandably, since if he takes her story at face value she was assaulted and possibly worse) although he still acts protective of her. After she helps them get the bad guys she's hanging out with the Foundation crew at the end but we don't see any more romantic interaction.
Probability: 25%
Jennifer - No overtly romantic interaction. They're antagonistic for most of the episode although they make up at the end.
Probability: 0%
s4e03 - KITTnap
Karen - She's doing her doctoral thesis on KITT and spending a lot of time with Michael in the progress. Judging by the way they're holding hands in their first scene and then making out at her apartment, there's obvious romantic interest. And she clearly has more than academic interest even after (spoiler alert) she gets held hostage by the bad guys so it's a reasonable assumption that if they weren't already banging they're going to at some point.
Probability: 95%
s4e04 - Sky Knight
Bonnie - He's pretty touchy-feely at the airport and they hug after saving the day but no overt romance.
Probability: 5%
s4e05 - Burial Ground
Susan - They keep it professional for most of the episode. He tries to hit on her at the end but she's in a relationship with Eagle. That doesn't stop her from giving him a goodbye kiss but no indicator that it goes any further than that.
Probability: 0%
s4e06 - The Wrong Crowd
Ann - She spends most of the episode being menaced and/or held hostage by the bikers and we don't really see them interact with each other in a non-case-related way.
Probability: 0%
RC - Michael is very tenderly concerned when he finds him knocked out by the side of the road. But probably neither of them swing that way.
Probability: 0%
s4e07 - Knight Sting
Gaye - She seems young. And also kind of annoying. He hugs her in the hospital but it doesn't look particularly romantic. No evidence of interest on either side.
Probability: 0%
Bonnie - He flirts with her when they're planning the operation and she shows him her dress. The rest of the episode they're too busy with the mission for any shenanigans.
Probability: 0%
RC - He's clearly been raiding Michael's closet for that sweater. But Michael is cool with it. No overt indication that they're more than bros, though.
Probability: 0%
s4e08 - Many Happy Returns
Amy - He's flirting up a storm but whoops, Devon is cockblocking and she's actually there with a mission for him. However, it's not all business and she surprises him with a birthday cupcake and some birthday smoochin', until duty calls again. She makes some innuendo about "getting to adolescence and maturity later" as he's leaving so she's obviously willing to take a rain check. She's back in the semi with them at the end and Michael invites her on vacation with him. We don't see her answer but it's a safe bet it's a yes.
Probability: 95%
s4e09 - Knight Racer
Elena - At first it's all business but they seem to be having fun dancing at the reception. They have a heart-to-heart talk in the parking lot until the hit man shows up. They hug after the big reveal about Elena's dad and the fight with Wayne's partner but don't kiss. Maybe Michael would think twice about getting involved with a friend of Bonnie's.
Probability: 10%
Unnamed track bunnies - Michael says it wasn't easy ignoring all those trophy queens and their phone numbers, implying that he did indeed ignore them (maybe more because he had to get back to the office than out of disinterest).
Probability: 0%
s4e10 - Knight Behind Bars
Julie - He agrees with KITT that she's cute, but they don't really express romantic interest to each other beyond a hug after he tosses Nelson into the ocean. Also at 20 she's a little young for him.
Probability: 0%
Gymnastics instructor - She flirtatiously tells him she's free the rest of the day, but he isn't. No indication that they see each other again.
Probability: 0%
s4e11 - Knight Song
Bonnie and/or RC - They're all playing hookie together and conspiring to keep it from Devon. Shenanigans?
Probability: 5%
Sanford - No indication of romantic interest, also she's a villain.
Probability: 0%
s4e12 - The Scent of Roses
K: I'm sorry, they don't allow cars in hospitals. I would have been closer. M: I know you would.
Stevie - They appear to have been staying at the beach house together so it's a safe bet, even if (spoiler alert) they never got to consummate their marriage.
Probability: 95%
s4e13 - Killer KITT
"Not now, Michael. I have a headache."
Bronwen - She and Michael barely interact, plus she's probably Berio's girlfriend.
Probability: 0%
s4e14 - Out of the Woods
Sam - He's flirtatious when they first get reacquainted but too busy working on the case for anything to happen before it's revealed that (spoiler alert) she's a villain. He does hug her when she surrenders at the end but I assume that trying to murder him is a dealbreaker.
Probability: 0%
Ellen - No real evidence of romantic interest and she says goodbye with a handshake rather than a kiss.
Probability: 0%
s4e15 - Deadly Knightshade
Bonnie - She's more preoccupied with Templeton. He does give her a swan in his magic act at the end.
Probability: 0%
Nancy - He's too busy with the investigation to even do much flirting.
Probability: 0%
s4e16 - Redemption of a Champion
Miss Cooper - Michael obviously has a hot date that most likely would have ended with some lovin' if he hadn't once again been cockblocked by KITT and Devon. At the end, Michael is dressed up for Date Night, Take 2, but gets called back to the semi again. Does she give him a third chance? I mean, *I* would...
Probability: 50%
Nurse Tremount - He flirts with her to get info and comforts her after she breaks down and confesses to the scam but no indication that it goes further than that. Plus she’s in an adulterous relationship with the villainous doctor.
Probability: 0%
s4e17 - Knight of A Thousand Devils
Claudia Terrell - She's a villain. When she makes a pseudo-date with him it's just to set him up.
Probability: 0%
Agent Jonas - They bet dinner on the arrest and Michael seems to be taking his death extremely personally. Juggernaut slash ships have been built on less. If he were a chick I'd say "extremely probable" except for the fact that Jonas was married with kids. Not that it stops some people, but it would most likely stop Michael.
Probability: 0%
"Ana-Lucia" - She keeps him up all night working on her car and he says he's going to come back after the race is over and demand equal time. Her response: "You won't have to demand." Plot twist: She's actually a Federale. We don't see her again after they apprehend the bad guy so it's questionable whether their flirtation was still valid for her real identity.
Probability: 10%
s4e18 - Hills of Fire
Sandra Rusk - Barely any interaction and also she's a villain.
Probability: 0%
Tess Hubbard: No significant romantic interaction. Probably too busy with her charitable work to go chasing after pretty-boys.
Probability: 0%
s4e19 - Knight Flight to Freedom
Lisa - Too busy dealing with a revolution for any shenanigans.
Probability: 0%
s4e20 - Fright Night
Karen - They keep things mostly professional but she buys him lunch at the end. No real indicator that it ends in anything romantic, though.
Probability: 5%
Liz - They flirt a little when he interviews her ("I appreciate your interest." "I'm interested!") but it doesn't really go anywhere.
Probability: 5%
s4e21 - Knight of the Rising Sun
N/A - No female guest characters and nothing particularly shippy with Bonnie.
Probability: 0%
s4e22 - Voo Doo Knight
Harana - She's a little flirtatious at the party. When she puts one of her zombifying earrings on him, she gets a little touchy-feely and tells him they could have had a future together but there are two of her goons in the room and she's sending him to the soon-to-be-demolished building so she probably doesn't have time to take advantage of him even if she wanted to do it with an audience.
Probability: 0%
Elizabeth - Michael nudges Devon into letting her stay an extra few days, and she seems pretty good with that. We don't see them kiss but they're engaged in a pretty intense hug at the end.
Probability: 90%
...at least he got to go out with a bang?
#knight rider#is srs bsns#long post#this was a much better use for my time#than my hamfisted car repair#and less likely to result in death by misadventure#than trying to clean the gutters
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welcome aboard, clementine martinez, student #2. we are excited to set sail with you ! has anyone told you that you look like alexa demie? according to our records, you hail from florida, usa, prefer she / her pronouns, are a cis woman, and are here to study creative writing. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your online lottery win — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + charming, + free-spirited, but also - restive. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the billiards room. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a casino chip carried around for luck from home. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!
hi friends! i’m very excited to be here. i’m jay (est, she/her) n i used to play astrid nyland a few months ago if anyone remembers bt i had to leave for personal reasons. i’m so glad to be back now that i hve life sorted and some free time for summer break <3 read on for some details abt this new muse of mine, clementine.
01. biography !
so ! clementine was born in florida. & yes, her real name is clementine. her mom thot it was the cutest name idea ever. clementine mostly goes by clem. she comes from the town [redacted] in florida bcoz i am too lazy to look up a specific town <3 but alas ! it was swampy and humid and she lived in a trailer park.
her parents got knocked up at nineteen. clem was born nine months after a particularly wild 1999 fourth of july. her birthday is march 26th and she’s an aries.
(TW: addiction, child injury) clem’s dad was a gambling addict and petty criminal—he wld steal credit cards n whatnot. he wld gamble away diaper money n it would cause constant fighting until her dad finally left. her mom took this very hard n began drinking a bit too often, leaving clem to to make cereal for dinner n fend for herself. once clem tried to make hot dogs on the stove and spilled boiling water on herself. got a p bad burn on her arm/shoulder and still has a big scar.
the soundtrack of her childhood was cicadas buzzing and stray dogs barking. the sizzle and pop of natty light cans. turning up her ipod to max volume to drown out the sounds of her mother fighting with her new boyfriend.
throughout her upbringing, clem’s dad was always in and out of the picture. he’d blow into town when he hit it big. he’d take her on these little “adventures” like staying in a motel 6 n renting movies at block buster n ordering good pizza nt the dominos shit she ate with her mom lol. ofc he was charging it all to someone’s stolen credit card. he’d always promise to, like, take clem away. n clem was a daddy’s girl so she believed him. the last time it happened was her h.s. graduation. her mom didn’t show ( "overslept” after a bender ) but her dad did and surprised her n said everything wld be different. bt then he bailed on their plans for the next day n when she called his cell, the number was disconnected. tht was the defining “i’m done” moment. clem promised to never be disappointed by her father again.
(TW: racism) her mother has mexican ancestry and clem’s always been called her twin. but clem was raised in a predominately white area and honestly ?? it was really hard without her even realizing it. she’s still unpacking a lot of things today abt her youth that jst weren’t okay bt she thought were normal. like microaggressions, stereotypes, being fetishized by boys in high school. gross shit.
as a kid, clem was rumored to be really poor bc she wore tattered clothes n got free lunch at school. once she invited a friend to her house & the next day they told everyone it’s in a trailer park. that reputation—the “trailer park girl”—was really hard to shake. and clem got almost desperate to shake it. she was endlessly trying to set her old self on fire and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.
eventually clem became more “popular”. in school she was, like, a straight b student. very average although super creative and quick-thinking. she always had street smarts. problem solving skills. independence. more of, like, practical intelligence as opposed to book smarts because academia bores her tbh. she was like why am i reading these overrated boring books by dead white men or learning abt polynomials when i know nothing abt how to pay a mortage or do taxes. like...she saw the american education system as bullshit and put in modest effort because she didn’t believe it deserved her sweat and tears.
however, she entered the online lottery for the seas program on a whim and got in. so she’s studying creative writing now.
02. personality !
first thing you shld know abt clem is that she’s a compulsive liar essentially—she tells various stories to make her life seem better than what it was. to one person, she’s an heiress to a real estate company and grew up wealthy. to the next she was raised by nomadic hippies. some of her lies are small fibs while others are grandiose tales. she rarely talks about her actual upbringing. she hates talking abt her family or the v real trauma of growing up in a household where both parents struggled w/ addiction; the uncertainty, the broken promises, the fact that she had to grow up so soon and deal w/ so much. it wasn’t fair, and if she thinks about it too much, she feels this anger. anger at the universe. anger at her circumstances. she doesn’t know where to put this anger. she doesn’t know how to shrink it. so she avoids it.
despite her rough upbringing, though, clem is actually really sweet and kind. she’s adventurous, fun-loving, free-spirited, and bold.
bt ! she can also be closed-off, competitive and restive.
she’s seemingly tight with everyone? like she’s jst that girl who can get along with anyone tbh.
in her spare time you can catch her tanning by the pool, hanging at the bar, playing pool ( which she learned from her dad ), and socializing. she’ll never say no to hanging out with people.
she learned a lot from her little “adventures” with her dad, who was very good at conning others and often involved her in his dumb little scams. clem is suuuper good at pulling the ‘im baby 🥺’ card to get what she wants.
she can be a little selfish, because she grew up looking out for herself.
stubborn and dogmatic as hell !!!
she doesn’t do too many relationships but when she does fall, i imagine she falls hard and fast. she refuses to be made a fool of, tho. when she gets vulnerable she flashes back to being a kid, waiting all day for her dad to show up only to have him bail on her. again. she hates that feeling. so if she, like, senses a shift in someone’s energy she’ll b like, “i’ll break up with u before u can do it to me” and the person wasn’t even tryna dump her lmao.
has a lot of sex. too much ?? sex?? mayb. but she’s v sex positive.
her personal style is v late 90s. hair clips, big scrunchies, neon, fur trim, crop and tube tops, hoop earrings, chokers, patterns, platform shoes, biodegradable glitter cuz it’s good fr the earth *winks*. clothes from o-mighty.......actually jst google o mighty, pull up the images and That is clem. she dresses like a bratz doll. she’s dedicated to the aesthetic.
03. headcanons !
her item brought from home is a hot pink poker chip from a casino. her dad gave it to her. he said it reminded him of her because of the color; he got it during one of his winning streaks and said it was lucky. she has a complicated relationship w/ her dad n doesn’t even speak to him anymore, bt she will never go anywhere without it.
she’s a smol bean—only 5′4
an astrology girl and she reads palms ! she absolutely makes astrology tik toks that people only watch because she’s hot. her flirting technique is to ask you to read your palm.
she doesn’t typically drink to get drunk. but she does love a good sugary cocktail. to her, a drink is like an accessory. a blue fishbowl by the pool, a jack and coke as she stands around a bar. usually she'll nurse the same beverage for a while. if you see her wasted it usually means she’s going thru it emotionally lol. the one thing she does do is drugs tho
pretty much listens to exclusively female artists.
a bit of an activist. environmentalism, feminism and the like, she’s v outspoken. vegan for ethical reasons (TW: drugs) bt still does cocaine. she wears shirts with ‘my pussy my choice’ bedazzled on the front.
loves to rollerblade ! back home she didn’t have a car so she’d bike or rollerblade. now she still has her blades and she’ll use them when the ship docks.
03. wanted connections !
Friends, bffs, ride or dies, friends who are like siblings to her, maybe a friend with an unrequited crush on either side ??
an ex she dumped/cheated on/otherwise self sabotaged their relationship because she was afraid of vulnerability.
an ex friend who realized she lies a lot abt herself n felt betrayed. OH ! ESP if they opened up to her on many occasions abt intimate, personal stuff. imagine the betrayal they felt when they found that everything they thought they knew abt clem is a lie.
someone who she actually opens up to. a confidant. or, maybe, like, a stranger she drunkenly spilled her soul to and now she avoids them like the plague.
a rival. clem can be competitive.
her drug dealer
someone she knows she shouldn’t hook up with and… does it anyways. like a friend’s ex or smthing. spicy <3
i welcome anything !
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#us department of education#betsy devos#loan forgiveness#student loans#ITT Tech#corinthian college#devryuniversity#university of phoenix#scam#grift#news#us news#consumerist
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Turnabout Monkey Paw
An experimental take on the Defense!Miles and Prosecutor!Phoenix Roleswap AU. First time writing for this fandom.
Left on a cliffhanger to end it on a high note, and because I don’t have a solid-enough outline for the continuation. I REALLY don’t want to pour my already-limited energies into yet another long thing I’ll probably never finish and leave everyone disappointed, I’ve made that mistake too many times now.
Inspiration: The Monkey’s Paw by W. W. Jacobs, The Landlady by Roald Dahl, every other Phoenix/Miles Roleswap AU
Read on AO3
Read on Google Docs
Twitter Post
--
7:31 AM, September 5, 2017
Somewhere in east Germany
A red sports car drives along the winding roads of the countryside. Alone. Aimless. Much like its driver.
Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth, said driver, feels particularly lost this morning. After a restless sleep and meager breakfast, he decided, groggily, to go out for a drive to nowhere in particular. Perhaps it’s just a part of his new journey to rediscover himself, to find the elusive meaning behind his troubled career… or maybe he’s just especially depressed today.
Miles drives on, and on, past empty plains and dark forests, until he comes upon a small town in the distance. The highway takes him straight through its main drag, giving him a leisurely look at its various shops and local businesses.
He slows down to get a better look at them – there’s no risk of inconveniencing any pedestrians, as the town seems devoid of its citizens this morning, and no one else was on the highway. It’s a bit eerie, admittedly, but in his current state of mind it’s a blessing. No one to bother him, or be bothered in turn by his presence.
The shops are of the usual things – hair salons, restaurants, clothes and other goods. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for – quaint little shops like this just make him homesick for similar places back home, in the small towns surrounding Los Angeles. His father would take him to a place like this every weekend to visit their favorite ice cream parlor...
And at that thought, Miles feels his heart breaking all over again. He tries to shake it off, but the wave of grief is more intense than usual, and he finds himself pulling over to park on the side of the street so he can bury his face in his arms and sob pitifully.
After calming himself and drying his eyes, he looks up to find himself in front of a shop he hadn’t noticed before – a small brick building pressed between two others, old and decaying, with no windows he can see. The sign above its door features a large stylized eye painted in shades of purple and white, sitting above German words that Miles can translate as:
Madame Jacobi’s Fortunes and Trinkets. Read your Future. Change Your Fate.
There’s something strange about those words… they keep bouncing around in his brain, like ball bearings.
Read your future. Change your fate.
Read your future. Change your fate.
The huge, purple eye seems to peer down at him. Judging, deity-like, piercing through his very soul.
Read your future...
Change your fate...
Change… fate?
His head swims for a moment, and he feels his body move of its own accord. Before he’s fully aware of it, Miles finds himself climbing out of his car and approaching the eye, the shop front, the door, and now his hand is on the doorknob.
He pauses for a moment as his senses return to him. (Wait- What am I doing? What am I thinking? I’ve never believed any of this nonsense. Fortunes, horoscopes, magical baubles – it’s all a scam, designed to prey on the weak and impoverished with platitudes vague enough to apply to just about anyone. I can’t- I shouldn’t...)
And yet, as he glances back up at the shop’s sign, he feels... something. Something about this place – or something about his current state of mind – compels him to twist the knob, open the door, and step inside.
What first hits him is the powerful smell of incense inside the shop. He can’t identify it exactly – it’s something like lavender, but much stronger. Next is the dark, mysterious atmosphere created by low candle lights and small neon signs. Its a small, humble shop – probably half the size of the other shops here, made to feel even smaller with the claustrophobic amount of tables, bookshelves and beaded curtains. The goods are what he expected – trinkets, crystals, sculptures, jewelry. Many of them have designs sporting large, stylized purple eyes like the shop’s sign.
Near the back of the shop is a small round table covered in a patchwork blanket, a crystal ball in its center. An elderly figured sits hunched over the other end, draped in dark purple robes.
Miles is struck with a pang of anxiety for standing around and looking foolish while ignoring what must be the shop’s owner, perhaps the “Madame Jacobi” mentioned in the shop’s sign. He carefully approaches the person at the table.
“Ahem- hello?” he greets, in the appropriate language.
The figure straightens, and upon lifting their head to look at him, she appears to be a homely old woman with wispy white hair, and smiles warmly at him. “Hello, sir. What is it that’s troubling you?”
“Oh, I don’t have any troubles,” Miles replies, not entirely truthful, but it’s no important matter, and none of her business. “I’m just... Looking around.”
(Why am I here? I wasn't even thinking… I must be more out of it than I thought. But I can’t just turn around and leave now, that would be terribly rude.)
“I see,” says the woman. “Do you perhaps need your fortune read?”
Miles shakes his head. “No no, I just... er...” (Think, think!)
Glancing desperately around the shop’s interior, he notes the price tags on the various items for sale here.
“Ah- a gift. Yes. I’m looking for a gift for someone.” (That will have to suffice...)
The woman raises a quizzical eyebrow. “A gift? And what sort of person wants a gift from my little shop?”
“Ah- A friend of mine,” Miles says, doing his best to hide his internal flustering.
(What am I saying?! I hardly have any friends to speak of, much less those I would buy strange gifts for out of nowhere! Well… ‘that man’ or his assistant would probably appreciate something as strange as the items here, knowing them, but- ugh, nevermind!)
The woman chuckles softly, and rises from her seat at the table. “In that case,” she says as she carefully makes her way around the shop, “I think I have just the thing for someone like you.”
She reaches a large table dominating the one side of the shop and pulls aside part of the blankets covering it, revealing it to be a repurposed dresser, drawers and all. She opens one of these hidden drawers and retrieves a dark, box- like object from its interior.
She sets the object upon the table after returning to her seat and in the light, it’s now clear that it’s a somewhat large wooden box, with a lid and brass latch keeping it closed. It looks old – kept clean after years of careful maintenance, but definitely aged, from signs of wear and tear at its edges and around the latch.
What’s most striking, however, is what’s carved into the top of the box – chiseled into the dark wood is the image of what appears to be a human hand at first glance, but a closer look shows that it’s grossly misshapen, missing the tips of its pinky and thumb and detailed with what looks like… hair?
And even stranger, carved in the center of the palm and the box’s lid is another one of those strange purple eye symbols.
The woman is speaking again. “I will share this with you, free of charge.” And then, when Miles meets her eyes, her expression suddenly becomes gravely serious. “But only if you agree never to speak of this beyond these doors.”
Miles feels a sudden chill crawling down his back. He swallows lightly. “Uh- Oh- of course.”
The woman’s amused smile returns, eerily quickly and easily. “Good. Now...”
She unlatches and opens the box, pulling out a strange object from it’s interior.
Miles almost startles at it, at first – it appears to be a severed human hand. But in the next moment he sees that what he mistook for flesh is a light-colored wood texture – it’s a puppet’s hand. Probably separated from an old marionette of some kind, the joints of its fingers are fully articulated, and it ends in a disconnected ball wrist joint. Strangely, the tips of its pinky and thumb have been removed.
“This is merely a replica,” the old woman is saying now, “But even if it’s only a fraction, this carries the power of a very old, very dangerous treasure. From as far away as India, I’ve heard, and as far back as the days of English colonialism.”
Miles isn’t entirely listening to her, transfixed by the strange little wooden hand, but he catches enough to ask a question. “What… does it do?”
“It grants wishes,” she says, smiling again. “Tell it what you want, and it shall happen. Anything your heart desires.”
Miles swallows at nothing in his throat, not quite believing any of this nonsense but nonetheless feeling very… anxious from all the strangeness of it. “Anything?”
“Anything at all,” the woman says. “Like, say- a little more money on your next pay day. Or an old car to be fixed. Or for someone you like to notice you more. Things like that.”
Miles squints. “Is that all?” (Those sound like terrible things to wish for…)
“Of course not,” the woman says, blanching. “I’m just giving you the safest suggestions for this. You know, things that won’t have too many consequences.”
“…Consequences?”
“Yes, sir.” The woman nods, now with that grave expression again. “This is a power that can change everything – The very fabric of the universe. You cannot toy with such powers lightly. So, the greater the wish, the greater the consequences.”
Miles stares at the hand, and suddenly the words on the store sign echo in his mind again.
Change your fate…
Change your fate…
...I see,” Miles says distantly. Again he is gripped by that strange compulsion from before, and now he finds himself reaching for the wooden hand.
The woman looks at him curiously. “Do you know what you want?”
Miles blinks, coming back to his senses, and his throat feels dry suddenly. (...Do I?)
He racks his brain for a moment. He has no desire for anything, material or otherwise. He never has. He has no want for money or expensive luxuries; his car is fine; romance is a laughable idea.
His only sort-of desire right now is his journey to find himself – which so far, isn’t going well. Honestly, he has half-a-mind to give up on this useless crusade and return home, but that would mean turning back on what he told Detective Gumshoe and facing everyone he left behind, like Phoenix…
...No, he can’t face him again. Not now.
There is only one thing Miles truly wants. He’s wanted it ever since he laid eyes upon this shop’s sign. He’s wanted it for as long as he can remember, for years upon years upon years...
“...My father,” he says hoarsely, his throat feeling thick.
The woman’s eyes widen. “Hm?”
He closes his eyes, swallows, pushing back old tears. “...I- I want my father back. He was… murdered, fifteen years ago. I loved him dearly. My life has… never been the same.”
His chest fills to bursting from the weight of his grief returning tenfold, and he takes a few breaths to steady himself. When he dares to open his eyes again, the old woman is staring sadly at him.
“I am sorry to hear that, dear one,” she says softly. “But a wish like that...” she shakes her head, placing the puppet hand back into its box, “That will have grave, grave consequences for you.”
Miles feels a flash of anger as the hand disappears from sight, and he feels an odd compulsion to jerk forward and take it forcefully. He only flinches slightly, as the woman suddenly fixes him with a glare that freezes his blood.
“What you are asking for, sir, would change your entire life, if it was that long ago. So many things can happen in that span of time. The people you’ve met, the places you’ve been, the things you know now – all of that would be lost, forever. I know you are in great pain, but some things in life happen for a reason.”
Miles bristles, both at the refusal and the frankly idiotic platitude, and he decides he no longer cares to keep up his politeness. “I don't care,” he says bitterly. “I would gladly give it all up to see my father again.”
“Would you, really?” The woman squints at him.
Miles is caught off-guard, a little. “What?”
“Are you so unhappy with your life you would simply throw it all away on a whim? Even its good parts? Surely you have found some new kind of happiness in these fifteen years?”
Miles stiffens. “I...”
He feels unsure, now. (Happiness… Have I really found any in all this time?)
Despite his lucrative early career (save for his very first trial) and a long string of victories, deep down, it all felt hollow with the shadow of Von Karma’s perfectionism always looming over him, and the guilt of possibly sending innocent men to their deaths bubbling up from his own soul.
In his personal life, he had almost nothing – his studies and career had consumed him so much for so long that he barely had a personal life to speak of. Even including his fondness for the Steel Samurai franchise. The show, the merchandise, the fan forums – it was an empty source of joy, and he always knew it. Merely stolen moments of respite between cases, temporary escapes into childish fantasy, pointless attempts to reclaim the boyhood that was stolen from him so early on.
In terms of friends... the closest he’s ever had was Detective Gumshoe. He still is his most trusted coworker and confidante, evident in how Gumshoe was the only person who knew where he was right now, but Miles’ trust only went so far. Despite his over-abundance of enthusiasm and sincerity, it could not be denied that Gumshoe was one of the least competent officers in the force and was more often a source of stress rather than comfort. He never could open up to the man on a more personal level.
Larry Butz was a childhood friend, but one he never kept contact with after moving away, and still doesn’t, even after recent events.
And Phoenix Wright…
...Was better off without him.
Despite saving his life two times over, easing his fears and nightmares, defending him against the guilt of fifteen years and miraculously absolving him of it.
Despite the relief in his eyes when Miles found himself rebelling against his own principles, objecting against the woman who would frame the talented actor of his favorite show for her crimes.
Despite the sharp, determined face of the boy he knew, now fifteen years older, now facing him in court for the first time, never losing that determination even as Miles tried his damnedest to put him away for the murder of his mentor.
And despite their childhood together… those brief but precious memories...
No. Miles pushes it all away, pushes away tears again. He can’t go back to him. He’s too far gone. He always was.
He’s closed his eyes again, trembling with the effort of keeping himself together. When he trusts himself to look upon the world without bursting into tears, the old woman appears to be studying him. She shifts to lift a hand and crook a finger at him. “Come here. I have an idea.”
“...Huh?”
She gestures again. “Come here, lean down.”
Miles wonders at this, but decides to do as she says, leaning towards her over the table. He now has a much closer view of the strange box and its contents
She does… something with the puppet hand in its box, some kind of gesture with her hands. Then she lifts a hand, and suddenly presses her index and middle finger against his forehead – hard.
Miles is shocked – either from the sudden physical contact, or the feeling of static against his skin for a moment, maybe both – and he draws back with a strained yelp.
“Ngh-! Wh- what on earth was that?!”
The woman only smiles sweetly. “Just a taste,” she says. “Or a glimpse, you could say.”
Miles flushes, feeling he’s been taken advantage of in a rare state of vulnerability. “You- You don’t make any sense!” he stammers.
The woman barks out a laugh. “Hah! I could say the same for you, sir.”
“Ngh- Oh, forget it! This was a complete waste of time! I’m leaving.”
Feeling every bit like he’s been made a fool by this entire situation since the beginning, Miles turns on his heel and heads for the front door.
The woman calls after him in a sing-song voice, surely mocking him further. “Have a good day, sir! And do be careful.”
“Good day, madam,” Miles says stiffly over his shoulder, the very last scrap of politeness he can offer.
What a waste of a day. He shouldn’t have bothered even getting out of bed. So when he returns to his car and the road, he decides on just that – heading back to Berlin, up to his hotel room, and back into bed.
He does his best to forget that foolish shop and its owner – but he does briefly wonder why she said ‘be careful’ when the season isn’t nearly cold enough to start freezing the highways here.
–
11:36 AM, September 5, 2017
The Rich-Carlton Hotel, Berlin, Germany
The drive back to his hotel was uneventful, and so was the checking-in and climb up the stairs to his floor. His hotel room is just as he left it that morning – embarrassingly untidy because of his lack of energy, but he still can’t find the motivation to clean it. Honestly, he feels even more drained than before, and it takes significant effort just to redress himself back into his pajamas and climb back into bed. His limbs feel like lead, and his head feels fuzzy – once he settles in, he drifts away within minutes.
--
Miles dreams – but it’s strange. Nothing feels solid, or real – even more so than his usual dreams. As if his thoughts are so abstract he cannot even grasp them. All he is clearly aware of is being… somewhere, floating aimlessly, and before him is something large and purple.
Purple? Wait… it comes into focus as he concentrates on the familiarity…
Suddenly, there’s a loud crash, like thunder, that sends him tense and rigid in panic, and the thing comes into clear focus. It is a huge, purple eye, gazing down upon him like some kind of omniscient being.
He’s terrified, but only for a moment. Within the next, it seems to drift close with unseen eyelids, and at the same time, his own vision darkens and fades.
He thinks he hears a voice...
Fate is as cruel as often as it is kind... But to twist that fate can be even crueler... because everything has a price to pay... Here, you shall glimpse such a fate for yourself…
–
Morning? September 6?
Hotel Room?
When Miles rouses, the first thing he feels is his heart pounding in his chest, the dampness of sweat on his brow, and a sick feeling of dread in his gut. But as he tries to remember why or where it all came from, it slips from his mind’s grasp like sand through his fingers.
(I knew it was something important… something… purple? Bah...)
The thought slips further and further into obscurity the more he focuses on it, and the more his waking mind comes into full consciousness. Eventually he blinks his eyes open, sees the slivers of sunrise through the hotel window, and decides to forget about it.
(Just a nightmare again… no matter.)
Miles yawns, stretching his body beneath the covers until he feels the satisfying cracks in his joints, then sits up to rouse himself further. He rubs his eyes and stares at the pale red curtains of his window, watches dust particles dance through the thin rays of morning light filtering through them.
Then, he notices something. (...My hotel room didn’t have curtains.)
He squints at his surroundings, and as his senses become fully awake, he’s struck with a chilling realization. (Wh- where am I?)
Whatever room he’s awoken in, it’s definitely not his luxury hotel room in Berlin. It feels much smaller, and like a much more permanent living space with the larger amount of furniture and items here. Right beside him is a proper nightstand, no hotel phones in sight. There’s a work desk in the far corner, with a well-stocked bookshelf and a decently-sized vanity dresser on either side of it. Various knick-knacks and decorations fill up the rest of the space on the shelves and counter-tops, and a few posters hang on the walls.
Actually, it all seems strangely familiar. (This… looks a lot like my old room back home, actually. There’s my old Signal Samurai poster… and I’m certain that’s my Steel Samurai statue on the desk. Why are they here?)
Miles climbs out of bed, padding across the carpeted floors to study everything more closely.
(The dresser and nightstand look a lot like what I had in middle school... The desk is new, but something I probably would have liked back then.)
He reaches the bookshelf and inspects its contents. They range from various textbooks on law and history to… The Steel Samurai Official Manga? His eyes widen as he studies the books’ spines. (This… this is the complete first series. Is this… mine?)
He reaches out to take a book, then stops, noticing the sleeve of his sleepwear. He’s not wearing his plain silk pajamas anymore – it’s similar, but definitely not the same. The material is more soft and plush, and it’s printed with a pastel-colored pattern of various feudal japanese weaponry, from kunai to shuriken. In short, it’s something he’d enjoy, but only with the most utmost privacy, and it would take great pains to convince himself to purchase it for himself, much less wear it within sight of anyone.
These details begin to form a shattering idea in Miles’ brain, slowly clicking into place, and he feels his heart pounding again. Quickly, he walks to the bedroom door and slowly opens it to peek out.
(The- the hallway looks familiar too… The second bedroom is where I always remembered it. And the living room beyond it… If there’s small kitchen next to that…)
Miles swallows, his fears giving way to a potential hope he can’t bear to hold in his heart. He makes his way down the hall, tracing his fingertips against the wall as if afraid it would float away from him. He lets both his hand and roving eyes stay away from the second bedroom’s doorframe, and the various framed photographs hung here – he thinks he caught a glimpse of one of his old baby pictures, and he simply can’t handle that right now.
He reaches the end of the hallway, spilling out in the living room, and sure enough, there’s a humble little kitchen and dining table filling up the other half of the space.
Miles takes hold of his trembling chin with one hand, covering his mouth. (This- this is just like my old home… It can’t be. It was sold off, after I had to leave…)
Even that desperate thought of denial begins to crumble as he observes these rooms more closely, their familiarity summoning a deluge of childhood memories. The old coat rack by the door, the DVD-filled TV stand, the dining set, the ugly curtains, the old oven that never worked properly…
Dazed and misty-eyed, Miles drifts towards the couch to seat himself before he collapses. Even the musty smell was still here, from these comfortably sunken-in cushions…
(It’s here… it’s older, but still here...)
He closes his eyes and covers his face with both hands, breathing until he regains a decent hold on his emotions again. When he recovers, he notices is a few papers stacked on the coffee table in front of him. The topmost paper looks like a work-related document, with hastily-written notes penciled into its blank spaces.
He reaches out and gingerly picks up the paper from the small pile. The letters are a little blurry, but it looks like a copy of a financial report. When Miles focuses, the text at the very top reads:
Edgeworth & Son Defense Firm
His heart stops, so shocked he doesn’t bother to read the rest of the document, nearly dropping the paper from his fingers. (Can it.. can it be…?)
He doesn’t have to wonder long, as he’s shocked again immediately afterward by the sounds of shuffling, a door opening, and a familiar voice somewhere behind him.
“Son? That you? You awake?”
Miles stands to look, and… it’s him. His father, Gregory Edgeworth, alive and well, standing in the doorway of the second bedroom-turned-office, more real than anything Miles could imagine. And obviously fifteen years older, from the few extra wrinkles in his face and strands of grey peppering his hair, but it’s him. It’s really him.
Which means… the wish came true. His wish. Somehow, someway. Miles could care less whatever forces of the universe caused this to happen, his father is here and alive. And everything else he’s observed is the result of this new reality – Miles never moved away, instead spending fifteen happy years with his now-living father. Following his teachings, helping him run his defense firm, and working to protect the innocent, together.
Miles is trembling now, struggling to speak through the emotion clogging his throat, and eventually he manages a hoarse whisper.
“F- Father…?”
Gregory squints at him over his glasses. “…Yes?”
Miles can’t think of anything else to say, or think in general – so he lets his legs carry him, stumbling, towards his now-living father and into a sudden embrace. He wraps his arms around his father’s torso and presses his face into his shoulder, both overwhelmed and amused at his parent no longer towering over him.
Gregory tenses at the sudden affection, but doesn’t push him away, instead awkwardly patting his back. “Whoa, uh- good morning to you too, Miles.”
Miles can only laugh through his happy tears – of course this would be awkward for him. So calm, so nonplussed. That as far as his father was aware, nothing ever changed, nothing was ever lost. But still, Miles should really get a hold of himself already.
He pulls away and wipes off an embarrassing amount of snot and tears from his face with his pajama sleeve. “S- sorry, I- Yes, good morning, father. I’m just- I’m very happy to see you again.”
Gregory raises an eyebrow at him, but chuckles softly. “You say that like I left, or something. Ah well, hugs are always nice. I’m glad you’re not too grown-up to stop hugging your old man.”
Miles breathes out a laugh. (No amount of aging or societal norms would keep me from appreciating you, father. Ah, if only Wright were here… I hope he is. I must tell him about this the next time I see him...)
“Anyway, since you’re up already,” Gregory was saying now, passing him to head toward the living room, “best start getting ready. We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”
Miles blinks in confusion. “I- Uh. We do?”
Gregory turns to him, concerned. “Yeah? You said you were ready- say, where are your glasses? I thought you put ‘em on first thing in the morning?”
Miles blinks again. “...Glasses?” (Since when have I needed glasses?)
Gregory looks at him strangely. “Yes? You’ve needed glasses since you were sixteen, son. You hit your head or something?”
Miles stares, stunned in confusion again. (Glasses… I suppose it makes sense. Everything has looked a little hazy lately, and my father’s always needed them as well. But- since I was sixteen? That was when… I was under Von Karma’s tutelage. Yes, that explains things…)
Recovering, Miles clears his throat. “Ah- yes, of course. I’d forgotten. That explains all the blurriness I’ve noticed...”
Gregory was cocking his head at him now. “Are you... sure you’re feeling alright? It’s not like you to be this forgetful.”
“I- I’m fine, father. Perfectly.”
Gregory gives an incredulous look. “Well, I hope so. We’ve got a pretty big case on our hands today, especially for you. We’re meeting the client at the detention center as soon as possible, so best get ready now.”
Miles briefly wonders at his father’s behavior and this information he doesn’t appear to be privy to. Then, he remembers – this is a different reality. One in which Miles has been living and working with his father for many years. Gregory knows this, but Miles does not, seemingly having been dropped into this universe overnight to no one else’s knowledge.
(Ah- I understand. Its like the plot of Steel Samurai Episode 26, when a strange curse causes the Steel Samurai and Evil Magistrate to switch bodies for a day. Mostly played for humor, but nonetheless well-executed. The Samurai felt like himself, but to the Evil Magistrate’s minions, he's always been the Evil Magistrate, so he had to play along and pretend to be his own arch nemesis until he could lift the curse… looks like I have to do that too, in a way.)
Miles rubs at his scalp, pretending to soothe an imaginary bump. “Ah- I suppose I did hit my head in the night. Everything’s a little fuzzy… Erm, would you remind me of our client’s name, Father?”
Gregory sighs and rolls his eyes, but not with any true annoyance. “It’s Maya Fey. She’s the sister of the victim, Mia Fey, in case you forgot that too.”
Miles blinks in confusion for a moment. (Have I… gone back in time as well?)
A glance back at the kitchen’s far wall confirms this – there hangs a calendar, currently open on September 2016. (It’s last year again… and if we’re defending Maya Fey, then Mia’s murder occurred just last night!)
“I see,” Miles says. “Is she alright?”
Gregory was busying himself in the kitchen now. “I sure hope so,” he says while retrieving a box of teabags from a cupboard. “Police said they found her with the body and arrested her on the spot. Poor thing’s probably been in questioning all night.”
Miles, with a pang of guilt, remembers how this happened from the prosecution’s side. “Y-yeah, probably...”
Then panic shoots through him as he remembers something else. “Ah- What about Wright? Did the police mention him at all?”
Gregory stops halfway through filling a pot with water to stare at him, brows knit, lips pursed. He blinks a few times, then says, “...What?”
Miles thinks he didn't hear him. “You know- Phoenix Wright? My friend from elementary school? He studied under Mia Fey, wasn’t he th-”
“Yup, definitely hit your head.”
Gregory’s expression grew more and more strange as he spoke, and now Miles finds himself grabbed by the shoulders and briskly turned around as he’s interrupted.
“Wh-?"
“Just uh- go freshen up in the bathroom, son. Take a cold shower or something. I’ll, uh- I’ll get breakfast ready.”
“I- Uh. Okay.”
Miles is gently shoved in the direction of his bedroom, stumbling slightly, and he decides maybe it’s best he do as his father says for now. When he mentioned Wright, something about his father’s expression seemed… grave. Severe. As if he’d spoken of something he was not supposed to mention.
...Strangest of all, it sort of reminds him of the old woman at the fortune shop yesterday.
Miles won’t question it for now. Like the Steel Samurai, he should just play along until he learns more.
–
9:47 AM, September 6, 2016
LAPD Detention Center, Los Angeles
Hours later, Miles was fully-dressed and driving to the Detention Center, using a slightly-different but nonetheless familiar red car, with his father in the passenger seat. He’s also wearing his glasses he apparently always wears in this life – and he has to admit, he never knew the world could look so clear without the need to squint so often.
He and his father spoke lightly about the case to come, but there’s been a strange underlying tension since their conversation this morning, so they usually fell silent. Miles can’t make any sense of it. He wishes he could remember something from himself in this new life, or at least find a way to ask about his past without drawing suspicion, but he can’t focus on that problem right now, needing to concentrate on his driving.
And once they arrived, he needed to focus on the case at hand. For it seemed Miles was now repeating history, but from a different point of view – and to be completely honest, he’s kind of curious. He can’t remember the last time he was welcomed into a detention center when he wasn’t passing off evidence to the police or brought in as a suspect himself. And as a defense attorney, no less. He has to stop himself from glancing or fiddling at his attorney’s badge constantly, proudly pinned to the left lapel of his waistcoat (it seems he doesn’t wear suit jackets in this universe except for very formal occasions).
(And I don’t have any cravats anymore… all I could find were bow-ties. It makes sense, of course, but I sort of miss it…)
Meanwhile his father, still sporting his trustworthy trench coat and hat after all these years, speaks with the jailers to let them see their new client. Or rather-
“-Yes, my son will be defending her. Miles?”
Miles flinches to attention and does his best to introduce himself, as surreal as it is to say aloud, “Miles Edgeworth, defense attorney.” (It’s so… strange. Not bad, just strange.)
Despite his awkwardness, the jailer seems to approve of him, and soon they’re being ushered into the visiting room. Miles enters alongside his father, seating themselves at a window. Minutes later, a very sad, very tired Maya Fey is welcomed into the room on the other side of the separating wall, and she takes a seat across from them beyond the glass window.
Gregory introduces himself first, removing his hat. “Hello, Miss Fey. I’d shake your hand if I could – I’m the one you spoke to on the phone last night. My son here will be heading your case, with my assistance.”
Maya nods to both of them, and bows gratefully. “I can’t thank you enough, Mr. Edgeworth.”
“None needed, really,” Greg replies. “How are you feeling?”
Maya stifles a yawn. “Okay, I guess. Just really tired. They were questioning me all night.”
“I see,” Greg says, sharing a concerned look with Miles at his fears confirmed. “At least you sound calmer than before.”
“I think I’m just numb,” Maya says, shrugging nonchalantly. “I’ve had to tell so many people so many times about my sister, so I guess I’m just kinda… used to it.”
A new feeling takes hold of Miles – the cold, bitter grasp of pure, crushing guilt. He’s never interviewed a defendant before, and certainly not like this, up-close and personal and not across the courtroom in a defendant’s chair. And seeing the face of a person so broken by the death of a loved one, a person he already knows is innocent and being framed by a blackmailer (something he can now empathize with, considering his previous life), is quite a bit more than disturbing.
Maya yawns again, this time not quite able to stop it.
“Um- Have you slept at all?” Miles asks, hoping he’s doing a decent job of hiding his inner turmoil. If there’s one thing he’s taken away from observing both Wright and his father, it’s that a proper defense attorney tries not to show weakness in front of the people they’re defending.
“Not since like, the day before yesterday,” Maya says blearily, rubbing her eyes.
“The day before?”
“I just got to this part of LA,” Maya says. “I got off the train from Kurain yesterday afternoon, spent the evening window-shopping and grabbing some food, then went straight to my sister’s office. And… well.” She shrugs again, sighing deeply.
Miles didn’t know any of these details from his original life – and now the guilt in his chest threatens to sink him into the floor at the realization that he’d hoisted so many accusations against this poor young woman, sleepless and exhausted, fresh off a train and simply wanting to visit her older sister, only to find her freshly-dead body. (...I really was a monster...)
The rest of her interview was much like this – Maya sadly recounting the state she found her sister in, her activities in the hours before, and Miles doing his best to appear strong and caring while silently crumbling with guilt from all that he remembers from his previous life. It’s a strange paradox of feeling, to be both thankful that this Maya doesn’t know who he is (or was), but also sort of yearning that she would, so he could apologize profusely.
(This is unbearable. How does Wright do this all the time…? Wait, speaking of…)
Questions about Wright are still burning in his brain, but this time, Miles decides to be a bit more careful than with his father earlier.
“Miss Fey- do you remember anyone else being in that office when you found Mia’s body?”
Maya shakes her head. “No. No one else was there, just me.”
“Not even- Er. Wasn’t your sister working with anyone? Like an understudy?”
Maya squints slightly at him. “No? Mia wasn’t teaching anyone as far as I know. And it wasn’t me, if that's what you mean. I only just got here, and I’m training to be a spirit medium, not a lawyer. At least, I was.”
Miles ponders this. (So Wright wasn’t there? Strange… But now that I think about it, I recall something about another attorney also being involved with her case. Was Wright helping there?)
“Speaking of lawyers,” Miles says carefully, “Has no one else really tried taking your case?”
Gregory’s crossed his arms by now, tapping out a nervous rhythm with one finger. “Nope, no one. She said we were her very last hope.”
Maya nods, her lip trembling. “Not even Grossberg – and I tried. I really tried. I called him ten, twenty times maybe, but he just wouldn’t answer me.”
Gregory makes a surprised noise. “Not even Grossberg?”
“I don't know why,” Maya says, sniffling. “Mia told me he’d help if I was ever in trouble, but… I just don’t know…” Her voice falters, turning watery.
“Well don’t worry dear, we’re here now,” Gregory says softly. “We’ll definitely be paying his office a visit later, though. I’ll grill him if I have to...”
Maya sniffles, but calms herself enough to force a smile. “Y- yeah. Thank you, again.”
Gregory comforts her further as Miles looks between them, still quietly burning with anxiety.
(This is wrong, all wrong- Why hasn't Wright been mentioned this whole time? If he wasn’t at the office, and hasn’t contacted Maya or been contacted, then where is he?)
He finally can’t stand this anymore, and decides to just say it outright. “Pardon me, Miss Fey, but- why didn’t you approach Mr. Wright about this?”
Maya’s smile drops instantaneously, and her eyes widen with a deep, terrible fear. She stammers and clears her throat a few times before speaking again. When she does, her voice is very small, and very scared. “Um- Wh- why would I do that?”
It’s very strange – and when Miles glances over at his father, he’s giving him that look from the house again, as if he’s said something blasphemous.
Miles clears his throat, feeling drier suddenly. He shouldn’t press further if this is everyone’s reaction, but he has to know...
“Erm- well- Phoenix Wright, he’s an attorney, you see. He must have-”
“Miles,” Gregory interrupts, and Miles clamps his mouth shut at the all-too-familiar parental tone of voice – and at Maya’s increasingly dire expression as he spoke, cheeks pale and lips thinning into a tiny line by now.
Gregory glares at him from the corners of his eyes – then nods quickly to Maya. “I’m so sorry, Miss Fey- He isn’t- Erm- Give us a few moments, please.”
Maya isn't looking at them anymore, bowing her head and chewing at her lower lip. She nods quickly, and Miles finds himself tugged by his sleeve and ushered to the other end of the visiting room. As his father wheels around to face him, he feels much like a child again, and not in the good way.
“Miles, what are you doing?! Trying to traumatize the poor girl even more?”
“I- No, of course not!”
“Then why are you bringing him up around her as if you don’t know anything? It’s like- ugh, I don’t know, you've been acting strange all morning!”
Miles feels his ears burning with shame, but it’s still not as hot or insistent as the anxiety clawing at his belly, filled with fear and confusion over Wright – and he can’t suppress it anymore.
“I- I’m not- You're the ones being strange!” he says, all but shouting through gritted teeth. “Why won’t anyone tell me where Wright is or why he isn’t defending her!?”
Gregory stares at him again – that same look, that same sense of saying something absolutely terrible. He takes a breath and sighs harshly, removing his glasses to rub at his eyes – when he looks up again, his expression is of a strange, pain-filled sadness.
“Miles… I know you're worried about him, but please... Let's not be delusional.”
And at this, Miles finally begins to feel the weight of what all this strangeness means.
If he and his father are defending Maya instead...
If Mia Fey didn’t seem to have a protégé anymore…
If no other defense attorneys besides Grossberg seem to have been contacted...
If only a name seems to strike fear into everyone who hears it...
(Oh... Oh no. Oh no, no no. God, please, no…)
Miles swallows deeply, and tries to speak past the lump growing in his throat. “I- I guess I bumped my head worse than I thought. An uh… a reminder may be in order, father.”
Gregory sighs again, replacing his glasses upon his face but no longer looking Miles in the eye. Suddenly he looks… tired. Very tired. He seems to need to gather himself before speaking again.
When he finally does, he says plainly,
“Phoenix Wright is a prosecutor, son. The Demon Prosecutor. The State’s assigned him to this case, and last night you told me that you’re finally ready to face him. Remember now?”
Miles feels his blood run cold.
(Oh no.)
---
#miles edgeworth#gregory edgeworth#narumitsu#wrightworth#defense edgeworth#jeminy writes#jeminy3 art#ace attorney#aa roleswap#defense miles#prosecutor phoenix
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University of Phoenix student loan refund
If a borrower can't clear out the commitment through the University of Phoenix student loan refund and other taxpayer-supported initiatives, it is more intelligent to start looking for approaches to repaying the commitment in fact.
Cementing is one of the techniques which makes the commitment repayment process more reasonable. When in doubt, a mix of commitments suggests joining different loans into one.
More Info: https://studentloansresolved.com/university-phoenix-student-loan-forgiveness/
#loan forgiveness for physical therapists#Discretionary Income Calculator#university of phoenix scam#loan forgiveness for healthcare workers
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Hi do you know any fics where they are spies or secret agents? And with Jin as the main character or apart of a main ship? Thanks in advance!!
Hey there, I do :)
Phoenix by blooming_violets
Rating: E
Pairings: Seokjin/Taehyung
Status: Incomplete
Word count: 12,251
Summary: Phoenix; a group of international criminals currently at the top of the food chain, even in a world where crime is so prevalent, it is considered as an acceptable lifestyle by the majority. No one knows where they come from and where they go. No one has even an inkling to how many of them there are. Heist, forgery, drugs/weapons trafficking, homicide, massacre, they are not above committing any sort of felony that would feed to their reputation. And boy do they have a reputation. One that crosses their path does not live to tell the tale, and the closest someone has ever gotten to them in the seven years of their existence, is being on the crime scene long after they’ve disappeared into thin air without a trace.
V; a special agent working for the ICIB (International Crime Investigating Bureau), otherwise known as The Phantom; since his existence is a myth to most. The only ones who can confirm it are his targets, whom he doesn’t leave capable enough to do so. There are more rumors about him than actual facts. But one fact that is as true as his existence, is his fixation with the Phoenix. With one stroke of luck, he soon realizes he might be closer to them than he thinks.
Burnt Bridges by kimchiie
Rating: T
Pairings: Seokjin/Taehyung
Status: Incomplete
Word count: 9,640
Summary: In universe's odd way of clashing two lives together, it tells us the story of how a sugar daddy(actually no, he is an university student with way too much money to spare) who got scammed off his money, meets the nation's undercover runaway prince and suddenly becomes his bodyguard because said prince offers to finance him AND tutor him.
Entry For Not An Island by Hukkelberg
Rating: G
Pairings: Seokjin/Jimin
Status: Complete
Word count: 6,734
Summary: TO: JHFROM: SGFILE UNDER: mysterious vanishings, investigations of; town, deserted; man, preoccupied1/1cc: VFDhq
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Dear reader, this file is merely a recompilation of bits and pieces of documents depicting the key parts of the sad story of one of our most abnegated volunteers, S., that the Archive of Our Own, despite all pleas and concern for their own safety, has agreed to host. If you find yourself intrigued by the inside of this file, I urge you to please reign in your feelings and scroll down, where you'll surely find some better stories in which Jimin has a coffee shop and a dog and does not write, instead, a 200-page book telling Seokjin why they shouldn't be together. If you, however, should choose to click on the link and open this file, you must be prepared, for in this story there is no happy ending, no happy beginning and very few happy things happen in between.
#ask#taejin#jinmin#taehyung#seokjin#jimin#spies au#organised crime#royalty au#college au#Rating: E#Rating: T#Rating: G
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Meanwhile, in self-driving car circles
*They don’t work.
https://blog.piekniewski.info/2019/11/18/late2019-the-wizards-of-oz/
Self driving cars
As time goes, more and more cracks are showing on the self driving car narrative. In June, one of the prominent startups in the competition - Drive.ai got acqui-hired by Apple, reportedly days before it would have ran out of cash. For those not well versed in startup valuation, this is not the best imaginable outcome. Startup employees are typically getting stock options (an option is basically a contract that allows one to buy a given number of shares at a fixed price), often trading off better salary they'd earn in an established company. These options are typically for common stock - in ways the least secured part of the equity structure. Investors buy shares of a company in investment rounds and often get at least in part what is called a preferred stock and other forms of liquidation preference.
This means that in the event of liquidation, those shares will need to get payed off first, before any of the outstanding common shares. In any case the best outcome for a startup is an IPO (Initial Public Offering) when the shares get registered and can be traded freely at an open market, or an acquisition at a highest possible valuation. At high valuations the preferred stock effectively becomes same with common stock and common stock holders and option holders can cash out. However when the valuation at the acquisition is low, there may not be enough to cover the preferred stock (or any outstanding debt or convertible notes) in which case the common stock holders end up with nothing (and option holders can even end up negative if they exercised them). Anyway, long story short, this seems to be the case at drive.ai since they've been showing signs of financial distress earlier this year. As a curiosity, one of Drive.ai cofounders is Andrew Ng's wife, apparently having a spouse AI prodigy was of little help to the problem. Voyage, another similar startup now wants to solve the self driving problem with Deep Reinforcement Learning. Why? Because this is the latest buzzword in AI circles. Does it make any sense? None at all, since it can only work in simulation and as we all know in theory there is no difference between simulation and reality, but in reality there is. Anyway, autonomy is all about the corner cases and the nasty thing about corner cases is exactly that they were not anticipated by anybody, and consequently cannot be simulated.
Other self driving car players have been getting somewhat mixed press as well. Cruise is apparently plagued with glitches, one of Alphabet's execs admitted that there has been much hype in the space, while Waymo's valuation got pretty seriously (40% !!!) slashed by Morgan Stanley. Not surprisingly Waymo, which is typically rather quiet in media, rolled out a big PR offensive, started showing off cars without drivers (remote supervised) driving around Phoenix suburbs and inviting automotive journalists for a ride. I view this as an attempt to regain control over the crumbling narrative, which may be effective for a while. For those who never visited Phoenix, the suburbs where Waymo tests their cars near Chandler AZ are pretty much the ideal case for an AV - wide streets, few pedestrians (especially in the summer when it is really hot). I visited that area this summer and saw a bunch of these Waymo cars myself, pointlessly cruising around like some lost sheep without a purpose.
We've also learned a few new facts about the infamous Uber incident, apparently Uber AVs were involved in some 37 crashes before the fatal accident in Arizona last year, while “The system design did not include a consideration for jaywalking pedestrians,” as we learned from a stunning NTSB report. This may explain why Uber is now looking to pay for Waymo tech while their ex AV boss-star responsible for Uber-Waymo fiasco, Anthony Levandowski got charged with trade secret theft, facing many years in prison time. I'm old enough to remember when Anthony's startup -Otto - was delivering beer in Colorado to great fanfares, something I've mentioned in this blog before, back in 2016.
Meanwhile Daimler joined the crowd of companies slowly deflating the self driving balloon, to the point of even admitting they'd be cutting spending on it.
Tesla keeps the story up with promises of a million of self driving cars by 2020 - they raised money in May based on that promise so they need to keep it alive. While the stuff that Tesla does is in many ways impressive - recent talk by Andrej Karpathy - head of AI there - revealed some of the details, the grim reality is that as of today even unusual illumination is able to throw the system off. To get the idea of how far way is Tesla from autonomy it's enough to search Youtube to see hundreds of failures, particularly with recently released enhanced summon. I keep my prediction that there will be exactly zero fully autonomous Tesla's in 2020, and most likely 2021, 2022 and at least 2023. I would not expect anything really usable by 2025 and that is only given that somebody finally makes a scientific breakthrough. If that fundamental shift does not happen, chances are self driving cars will remain a pipe dream for a few decades or more (aside maybe from some heavily geofenced, low speed local services, such as for example at a university campus).
In general the sentiment regarding autonomous vehicles seems to be changing with more prominent news outlets pouring buckets of cold water on the technological hot shots e.g. [1], [2], [3].
Finally since we are on technological hot shots, I had the pleasure to meet George Hotz, the founder of Comma.ai and a known hacker. Earlier this year Comma moved to San Diego, since in George's own words "San Francisco is a scam". He attended the same event at UCSD where he gave a somewhat entertaining and amusing talk in which he called self driving "a scam". Anyway, Comma is "proudly delivering level 2 autonomy", which is pretty much in line with the functionality of Tesla autopilot, only their system actually has driver monitoring which I think is a huge plus. Anyway, I would not let their hackish software ever talk to the CAN bus in my car and I certainly do not recommend anyone to do so - CAN allows to essentially control every aspect of the vehicle and any code responsible to controlling the vehicle should adhere to strict safety standards such as ISO 26262. On the other hand I have a suspicion Tesla does not adhere to these standards either...
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