#unfortunately any time i try to give advice it boils down to: do whatever u want 4ever. thats my life motto 👍 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aarotta · 7 years

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sorry to bother you with this but ive recently started to try come out as transguy, and mostly everyone who knows has either left or laughed at me, even the ones lgbt. I'm so scared i feel physically sick all the time. I don't know what to do.. I guess u sent this since your blog somehow comforts me

that fucking sucks, I’m so sorry! coming out is stressful enough without people reacting like dickheads. I’m glad you reached out, I know it can be hard but it’s so vital in situations like this.

the shittiest thing first: obviously since I don’t know the specifics of the situation I can’t really give proper advice (not that I could even if I did bc wtf do I know), but if the people who laughed are/used to be important to you - they just might need a little time. I know how frustrating that is to hear, trust me, and I definitely hold my opinion of them having reacted like dickheads, but I know I have people in my life who didn’t take me seriously when I first came out but who are fine and supportive of it now. trans stuff can be, and often is, uncomfortable to people, even to LGB, even T, people. but of course it’s up to you to scope out the situation and decide for yourself who you want to keep in your life and who can fuck right off, and not let anyone think it’s okay to dismiss this part of you. the whole trans thing can get lonely, but being around people who don’t accept you just makes it worse. whatever you decide to do, I do wanna stress that them reacting by laughing at you or leaving was a childish dick thing to do, and it’s only a reflection of their issues and not of anything wrong with you.

I wish I had some resources to give, but I’m not really a general peer support person and have little experience on any, and support lines/groups are pretty specific to different countries/areas anyway - but there’s plenty out there, blogs and twitter accounts and all that, where you can stay anonymous if you’ll feel safer that way. Google’s your buddy. if there are any LGBT organizations active where you live, they’ll usually have resources on their website - relevant helplines or support groups, anyone who can tell you you’re not alone, and that there are people who are actively supportive of you who are. (I know this is likely something you know already, but sometimes it helps to hear it directly from someone.) for me something that’s helped my trans anxieties (tranxities, if you will) has been following Jamie MacDonald, this Finnish-Canadian? comedian, who’s also trans, who also isn’t straight, and who’s been fairly successful with standup, even in Finland. (his stuff is in English, so you can look him up on Facebook if you’re interested!) the first time I saw him he did a bit about how he didn’t realize he was trans for so long because he thought him being attracted to men meant he couldn’t be, and I Lost My Goddamn Mind. if comedy isn’t your thing, I hope you can find your own Jamie MacDonald - a transmasc athlete, politician, vlogger, and those are the only professions I know.

remember to take care of yourself, be it in a bubblebath or by calling helplines. know and don’t forget that you have the right to be a lil bit fragile right now, because this is difficult shit. I know it took me a Long time after coming out to realize the reason I felt so shitty about myself was because I was trying to deal with all of my confusion and newfound insecurities and tiredness by pushing it down as deep as possible and only letting it out on strange cis-looking dudes when I was drunk. turns out that’s not the doctor-recommended way of dealing with... well, I mean, anything. try to remember what you enjoy, especially things that don’t take much out of you - your favourite music, TV shows, podcasts, what have you. keep those a part of your life as much as you can. take every bit of enjoyment and joy that comes at you right now, and let yourself feel it, even if the fear and anxiety have a habit of trying to crush it all down when they want to.

and do things - reaching out, changing your appearance or talking to doctors if that’s part of it for you - at your own pace, however slow or brisk it might be. I’m the most impatient person in the whole goddamn world, and for the last couple years I thought I could just will time to go quicker so that my process would get to where I wanted it to go, and it damn near burned me out a good few times. check in with yourself every now and then - are you happy with how you’re living, is there anything you could change, is there an area you should be gentler with yourself in? ‘breathe’ is about as useful and innovative advice as ‘have you tried turning it on and off again’, but it really is what most of this boils down to. you’re not the first person going through this. unfortunately, you won’t be the last. people feel this, and have to fight, and it gets overwhelming sometimes, but they survive! you’re going to, too. you’re trans, that’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with you, you have the right to feel hurt over the people in your life not supporting you for it. remember that you deserve and have the right for help and support, and keep going forward.

I wish I had a neater and more enlightening answer, but the truth is that this is all pretty complicated. it’s probably always going to be at least a little bit complicated, but the longer you live with it, the more you find ways first to cope and then to feel at ease with it. and I hope there’s at least one helpful sentence in this epic of an answer. if nothing else, I hope I rambled on for so long you got too annoyed to feel shitty anymore.

#Anonymous

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